FOR GIRLS ONLY: How To Know He Is Going Overboard With You

A PRETTY GIRL

is one of God's most beautiful creations. And is worthy of all the attention and adoration that a man can give her. But guys, face facts. When you, say this this lovely creature (in this photo) out to a quiet dinner on your first date, please, I beg you as a former guy who loved to date pretty ladies, take your time. There is no law stating that you have to roll fifteen dates into one night. Although, from the girl's viewpoint, this may appear romantic, but inside, she is very uncomfortable and may not go out you again for she thinks that you have never been around that many women.

And men, do you really want to be looked upon as a backward fool? No. There isn't a man alive, even the backward fool, who loves to be thought of (by women) as silly, immature and unable to carry on an intelligent, adult conversation with a woman. It's just in the cards. Not every pretty lady loves a "Harpo Marx," so keep it simple. Down to earth. She will love it.

ALWAYS HAVING TO HOLD HER

now seriously, men. Are you that insecure? Do you have to exhibit this controlling, possessive behavior in public? I can see holding your date back at your place on the first date, but really, men? In the restaurant? Actually getting up from your chair, going around to her and flinging your arms around her and squealing, while drool forms on your lips, "is this a pretty female or what?" to the other restaurant patrons. One time, and she will overlook your stupid act. But numerous times, and you are gone. Out of there. No woman loves to be held like a kitten. All the time.

YOU ALWAYS WEAR $1,000.00 SUITS

no matter if it's the first date. Second date. Or mowing her grass on Saturday. Are you a complete "Simp?" No girl loves this male bravado. And in your initial meeting with her to ask her out, you had to tell her your name. So don't you think that she might have ran a background check on you and found out that you are a cashier at the local Food-A-Rama Supermarket and cannot afford a custom-tailored suit? And do you want her to think that you belong to the Mafia? These are the only guys who can afford, and wear $1,000.00 suits.

GIVING HER HUGE DIAMONDS

on your FIRST date? Come on. No one is that dim-witted. Even I wasn't this foggy-minded on my first dates. Well, the truth is, I couldn't afford a lavish diamond. Shoes. Pet poodle. Only a deluxe cheeseburger, fries and Dr. Pepper. Now do you really want to blow your newly-formed relationship with this angel from Heaven by springing a $100,000-dollar diamond on her during dinner? Be smart. Wait.

BUYING FINE HOMES

for your lady friend on your first or second date is senseless. Unless you have this thing for gold-diggers who love to 'act' like they love you, but only love what you can buy them. And besides. Have you checked the weak real estate market lately? Not a good time to buy her a lavish home. Don't think with your wallet. Think with your brain, guys.

AN EXPENSIVE CAR?

are you kidding me? Please tell me that you didn't mortgage your soul by buying an expensive, foreign-made sports car for her on your first date? How did she look when you gave her the keys, shocked? She should be. You are going over-board with her. And she will soon think you are a criminal or embezzler who can afford lavish gifts like this car. Men, take it easy. Take it slow. One date at a time and when the time is right, give her a modestly-priced gift. That is the way to go.

CAN SHE NOW EAT REGULAR FOOD?

like the rest of humanity? Do you have to take her to the best restaurant that your Visa can afford? Now honestly, some girls may love this kind of treatment, but not all girls love this sudden-outpouring of attention. Some girls think you are up to something. Some know that you are up to something. Do the wise thing, guys, and eat at a local steak and seafood restaurant. She will love the gesture of you doing the best you can. I know what I am talking about.

DO YOU HAVE TO CALL HER

every thirty-minutes to see what she is doing? Do not tell me that you have committed such an act when you DID get dates. Eager-beaver guys, do you now know that girls love their "me time" so they can relax, take bubble baths, and just be alone. The girl that went out with you tonight doesn't have to hear your voice most of night. And next day. If you really want to be alone. Depressed. Without female companionship, call your girl every few minutes. One of your calls, I promise, she will suddenly snap, "I've had it! Don't you trust me?" And that will be that.

HERE ARE EVEN MORE WAYS TO GO OVER-BOARD

WITH THE GIRL ON YOUR FIRST (AND PROBABLY LAST) DATE:

1. Asking her every few minutes, even in public places, "Do you still love me?" Are you stuck i high school? This is supposed to be your adult years.
2. Jumping up from the table, in or out of restaurants, to either cut-up her meat for her, or feed her like a baby. Girls in 2011 cannot stand this foolishness from guys. Girls of today are empowered. Independent. And do not need guys like you doing every little thing for them.
3. Sending her expensive flower arrangements everyday--at home or work. Enough is enough. She gets the message. You like her. A lot. But you dressing up as a teddy bear to come to her office and sing "Are You Lonesome Tonight?" (Elvis Presley) will definitely cause her to say those four dreaded words, "we need to talk," and buddy, you will not like what she says.
4. Paying her rent for her behind her back. Is she married to you? Oh, you wanted to be a Sir Walter Raleigh? Not working, men. She has a good job. She loves her independence. Keep it that way.
5. Showing up unannounced at her home or apartment is definitely out of the question. And you saying, "thought I'd brighten up your day," will set her off, friend. Do you know what respect means? She has a life. Maybe she wanted a 'girls' day out' with a few coworkers and there you are--grinning like a mule who has found a bag of oats. She is tired of this, pal. Call next time. And maybe she will date you more than twice.
6. And in relation to above advice tip, when she does say, "hun, I have plans today," do not act like a kid and pout. Do not be passive aggressive. And please do not ask, "so you don't care for me anymore, huh?" Listen. She only went with you on a date one time! Did you read that? ONE TIME! She is not into a long-term relationship with you. Think, bunky. You are not in the fifties, but 2011.
7. DO NOT follow her like a private eye. She will not like this in you. And think that you do not trust her. But that fateful day when you were following her and saw her having coffee with a strange man who you thought was coming on to her--making you burst into the coffee shop like the F.B.I. and shouting, "Janey, this man is a known stalker. Get away. Now!" Well, you have sealed your fate as a lonely man. Forever. This man was her uncle Bob from South Carolina whom she's not seen in ten years.
8. Please do not buy her cuddly kittens or puppies until you are sure that she is not allergic to animals.

I think I have made my case. I have to admit before God and all of Hubville, that on occasion, when I was first starting out dating, I was guilty of 'some' of these non-thinking acts. Going over-board with the first girl who agreed to date me.

I know the cruel sound of the phone being hung up in my ear. The sound of a front door being slammed in face and the flowers I brought being thrown into the trash can. Yes. Been that painful road. And I did learn from my near-tragic experiences.

I wised up. Quickly. I started acting like "I" didn't really care if the girl I was watching, I mean, passing on the sidewalk, liked me or not. That worked. Some of the time. Most times not.

So I resorted back to my original game plan.

Being 'me.' That worked most every time.