FOR GUYS: Things Not To Do Or Say While On A Date

GUYS, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE LOADED, MONETARILY-SPEAKING, TO MAKE YOUR DATE HAPPY.
GUYS, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE LOADED, MONETARILY-SPEAKING, TO MAKE YOUR DATE HAPPY.
THE IDEAL COUPLE. THE GUY ACCEPTS HIMSELF FOR WHO HE IS: A REAL MAN. AND THE GIRL IS SO HAPPY TO FIND A GENUINE MAN. NOT AN ACTOR.
THE IDEAL COUPLE. THE GUY ACCEPTS HIMSELF FOR WHO HE IS: A REAL MAN. AND THE GIRL IS SO HAPPY TO FIND A GENUINE MAN. NOT AN ACTOR.
AND GUYS, YOUR NERVOUSNESS CAN MAKE HER NERVOUS TOO. SO COOL IT.
AND GUYS, YOUR NERVOUSNESS CAN MAKE HER NERVOUS TOO. SO COOL IT.
NAIL-BITING WILL NOT HELP YOU, PAL, TO OVERCOME YOUR NERVES WHILE YOU ARE ON A DATE. YOU NEED TO BE NERVOUS 'BEFORE' THE DATE.
NAIL-BITING WILL NOT HELP YOU, PAL, TO OVERCOME YOUR NERVES WHILE YOU ARE ON A DATE. YOU NEED TO BE NERVOUS 'BEFORE' THE DATE.
SEE THIS GUY? HIS SUIT COAT IS TOO TIGHT, BUT THAT WON'T STOP HIM FROM HAVING A GREAT TIME ON HIS DATE FOR HE ACCEPTS HIMSELF.
SEE THIS GUY? HIS SUIT COAT IS TOO TIGHT, BUT THAT WON'T STOP HIM FROM HAVING A GREAT TIME ON HIS DATE FOR HE ACCEPTS HIMSELF.
SELF-DOUBT CAN MAKE ANY GUY BECOME TIMID, WEAK, AND WITHOUT SELF-CONFIDENCE.
SELF-DOUBT CAN MAKE ANY GUY BECOME TIMID, WEAK, AND WITHOUT SELF-CONFIDENCE.
NERVOUS TENSION IS NORMAL FOR GUYS ON A DATE. BUT GIVING-IN TO THIS ROADBLOCK CAN SPELL A BAD TIME FOR YOU AND HER.
NERVOUS TENSION IS NORMAL FOR GUYS ON A DATE. BUT GIVING-IN TO THIS ROADBLOCK CAN SPELL A BAD TIME FOR YOU AND HER.
IS THIS YOU? ON A DATE? YOU NEED TO SETTLE DOWN. ACCEPT 'YOU' FOR WHOM YOU ARE AND GO WITH THE FLOW.
IS THIS YOU? ON A DATE? YOU NEED TO SETTLE DOWN. ACCEPT 'YOU' FOR WHOM YOU ARE AND GO WITH THE FLOW.
THIS GUY IS MAKING A HUGE MISTAKE. MEN DON'T 'HAVE' GIRLS IN THE PALMS OF THEIR HANDS OR IN THEIR HIP POCKET. WHAT A VULGAR NOTION.
THIS GUY IS MAKING A HUGE MISTAKE. MEN DON'T 'HAVE' GIRLS IN THE PALMS OF THEIR HANDS OR IN THEIR HIP POCKET. WHAT A VULGAR NOTION.
THIS LOVELY GIRL WOULD BE VERY HAPPY WITH A GUY WHO DOESN'T TRY TOO HARD TO IMPRESS HER. ARE YOU DOIING THAT?
THIS LOVELY GIRL WOULD BE VERY HAPPY WITH A GUY WHO DOESN'T TRY TOO HARD TO IMPRESS HER. ARE YOU DOIING THAT?

(WRITER'S NOTE: This is a work of fiction. But some content is based on events that happened in my personal life. There is NO comedy, per se, in this hub, but common sense. Truth. And maybe some helpful advice for men (like me) who struggle with nerves, awkward conversation, and just fitting-in when we were dating. This story is NOT meant to single-out, tease, make light of, or laugh at any party--male or female, living or deceased. Humor. This is all based on humor, the tool I used to face many of my own battles while in dating arena. Guys, I give you the option of taking this hub for literal advice, or to just get a clean, needed-laugh out of it. Thank you. KENNETH AVERY)

Please allow me to ask you a few questions. And be honest. Are you "a" Brad Pitt, Colin Farrell, George Clooney or a Dean Martin? You are. Great. Then this story will not apply to you. But to the other guys, like me, who aren't close to the Pitts, Farrells, and Clooneys in the world, I welcome you to follow along and see if we can help each other in the sensitive area of dating pretty girls.

Dating Girls Shouldn't Be Hard . . .

but for some guys, me included, it is. Or was, talking about me. Personally, I had a tough time when it came to dating girls. It was like going into battle for my country. And many is the time I found myself outclassed. Out gunned. And in over my head. Guess that explains the nightmares that attack me sometimes in the early morning hours--scenes from my teen years showing me making numerous social blunders, saying the wrong thing at the wrong time to the girl who DID agree to date me. And all the time 'trying my heart out' to make my date, any date, feel as if she were the 'belle of the ball.'


Here Are Just A Few Of The Mistakes I Made . . .

  1. Wearing too much cologne . I had a buddy, he is deceased now, not from overuse of cologne, but from a gun shot. "Jerry," told me that every time "I" was to take a girl out on a date to really "go all out," as he put it and wear the best manly cologne that I could find. "Jerry" was wrong. Dead-wrong. I did what he said because he was older than me. And was a real worldly guy. Knew his way around girls. But the minute my date met me, she drew back from the embrace, grimaced and in her softest feminine voice said, "Kenneth, uh, just how much cologne did you wear this evening?" I remember making a joke out of it and just trying to pretend that she never said anything. That taught me a valuable lesson. Guys, use a moderate drop or two of your cologne. Your date is going out with you, not your Brut.

  2. Arriving at her house too soon not only was this uncomfortable for me, but for her parents whom I had to chat with about all the things going on in my life--school, part-time job, cars, football games, life, church. Back in my day, the guys, no matter how cool or raw they were, had to get out of their cars and meet the girl's parents or they didn't get to take their daughter out on a date. Plain and simple. In my dating years, I was like I am now, a minimal conversationalist. And the girl's mom and dad would look at each other, often, when a lull came into our conversation. I stopped arriving too early, but chose to arrive just a minute or two before the actual time I was supposed to be there. This gave me a needed-buffer to briefly chat with the mom and dad and be on our way.

  3. Over-Dressing is one thing that I learned wasn't cool. On my first date(s), I would wear a suit, tie, shined shoes, get a fresh haircut, and look the part of a college man. I received a few chuckles from the girl I was taking out. And her parents. One girl whispered to me on the way to my car, "it's not going to church. It's a date with me," and she was right. From then on, unless specified, I wore casual clothes. Clothes I was comfortable in.

  4. Talking, Laughing Too Much does NOT impress any girl. Or her parents. Or family pet. But I was then, like I am now, very nervous. Tense. Not a professional host like the late Johnny Carson. I learned the hard way one time I got out of my car--talking all the way up the steps, as I shook hands with the girl's dad, as I sat down and continued to talk while he tried to divert my attention to the football game he was watching on television. It hit me hard. I was over-doing it. I needed to, well, shut-up. And when I did shut my mouth to allow the girl's dad to talk, things got much easier. But it took me learning the hard way. But guys, I did learn.

  5. Laughing At Everything the girl's dad said. This is as bad as talking too much. No human is that funny. All the time. And doing this brings suspicion from the parents who thought I might have mental issues. Or something. I was only trying to be courteous. After all I was in someone else's house. Why not be the ideal guest? Well, guys, I can tell you from experience. Let Jerry Seinfield and other pro comedians do the stand-up comedy. You just stick to casually chuckling now and then. Oh, I had this one girl who told me that her dad wanted me to come back to their house for as he put it, "that young man laughs at all of my stale jokes," and that did it. A light bulb went off. I started listening more. Asking more questions and not laughing at much. And it worked.

Things That Are Not That Important To Girls, But You Always Thought They Were

  1. Your Social Status is not that important. We guys have had it drilled into our minds via television, radio, and movies, that girls thrive on dating guys who are wealthy, powerful, and from a prominent family. Although, in all honesty, there are girls like this, overall, most girls couldn't care less who your great, great grandmother was and what she did in her daily life.

  2. Your Bank Account unless the girl is a bank auditor, do not openly-reveal to her in front of her parents how much money you have in your savings or checking account. This, my friends, is rude. Crass. Unorthodox. And is a hard topic to talk about with strangers. Consider your banking account like your blood type, unless she asks, don't tell.

  3. Your Job may be something to talk about, but you are not 'on the clock' when you are out on a date with her. 'Talking shop,' is fine, but only if she wants to 'talk shop.' Find things that you both can talk about. That is what I found to do, but many times, too late. If you don't find a moderate-balance of things to talk about, then your date might tell her friends later, "work. Work. Work. That's all he talked about." See? You surely don't what this reputation. Do you?

Things That ARE IMPORTANT To Girls You Date

  1. Decent Appearance I didn't say you had to go to the finest hair salon for men and buy the most-expensive suit of clothes on the rack. Just dress in your cleanest, most-comfortable clothes. Remember, what you wear says a lot about YOU. If you show up dressed in greasy Liberty overalls from changing the oil in your car but didn't care enough about your date to shower and dress properly this says one thing to her: You just don't care. And when a teenage boy or adult man shows up for a date looking sloppy, it's a sure-bet that the girl will come down with a sudden headache and not go out with you.
  2. Decent Talk is always, and I do mean always, good to maintain. Don't tell off-color jokes to your date. Please. She is your date, not your bowling buddy. Try to show her the respect that she deserves. And another thing about decent talk. DO NOT say nice things on purpose to her in hopes that she will make out with you later that night. Girls are wise, my friend. And you do not want to come off looking like a jerk. Be nice to her. Girls still appreciate gentlemen.

  3. When Dining Out please try to keep perspective. You are a gentleman. A teenage boy with good upbringing. An adult man with manners. You do the paying for the meal. It's courtesy in action. And I don't think that by a man paying is an insult to the independence of a lady's status. Guys, do the gentlemanly thing. Pay for the meal and please, do not gaze at the bill like you have just been robbed at gunpoint.

  4. Comfort And Ease make girls happy. Do not make the social mistake that most males make when dating a pretty lady and overly-compliment your date on every single thing she says or does. She will grow tired of this quickly. A mild compliment about her dress, hair, or a one-liner she said, is fine. But do not, I beg you, lurch over the table awaiting your date, who is now on-edge, to say another thing you can bellow out, "that's great," for all to hear. Girls, as a rule, do not like unwanted attention. Do your best to have a quiet, peaceful dinner, night at the opera, or just a simple walk in the city park. She will like that.

Things That You, The Man, ARE NOT To Do On A Date

  • ACT SILLY this maybe a good thing in the movies for Mel Gibson, who played Riggs in Lethal Weapon, but not on a date with a girl in real life. If you do act silly doing bad impressions of famous people, even animal impressions, on the first date, she might laugh at first, but friend, this can wear thin. Quickly.
  • DO STUPID THINGS like asking her if she thinks you can run out in traffic without being hit with a truck. It is not the 50's anymore. Be sensitive. Be casual. Be relaxed. Enjoy the sweet time that you have with your lady friend. Besides she didn't buy a ticket to see you perform.
  • "ACT" anyway. I mean do not, above all, make her believe that you are not who you claim you are. Do not act wise, when the world knows you barely graduated high school. Do not act aloof, above people, when you are as common as a shoe sole. Just give up the acting to impress your date. She went out with YOU. The real you. And I am advising you sternly to KEEP BEING THE REAL YOU on this and any other dates you might get.
  • QUIZ HER ABOUT HER PAST this is one thing that girls cannot, will not tolerate. Why is it so important to you to know every single move she has made prior to going on this one date with you? So what if she previously dated a guy who was much better looking, richer, more popular than you? Does it really matter? And does she quiz you about all the girls you have dated? No. So why not return the common courtesy and treat her the same way?
  • OVER-GIFTING Jerry Seinfield and his cohorts, Kramer, George and Elaine would love this name: over-gifting. Someone in olden times, maybe the 40's, said that the way to win a girl's love was through gifts. Some of that may be true up to a point, but guys, there is a limit. Do not send her a dozen roses every day that comes. Or a diamond bracelet each Sunday morning. Although these are great romantic gestures, she is going to wonder, very soon, what you are all about. So take it easy, guys. A gift once in a while is super. I said once in a while. Please remember that.

The final segment of this story that hopefully will help guys when they are out on dates be not only a better man, but a better person is this:

Guys, there are the 'three R's' of dating. Write them down and keep them handy.

R - eal YOU. That's whom you are.

R-eality is where you live. Not in a fantasy world. and . . .

R-emoving all of the foolish myths that you have been taught about women.

Got that? Good.




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Comments 37 comments

Emmanuel Udom profile image

Emmanuel Udom 5 years ago from Lagos, Nigeria

I love this article. It is quite interesting and insightful


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, pinkish! Thank YOU so much. This made my day for YOU to like this hub. I wish that "Jerry," had not misadvised me years ago, otherwise I might have had more dates. God bless you, my friend, pinkish. And keep in touch with me. Sincerely, Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello, Emmanuel! My Sincere Thanks to you also for your comments on this hub. I just hope and pray that I am worthy of the kindness shown both by you and pinkish. I am a simple man with a simple mind. But I do like to serve people the best way I can. God bless you my friend. Sincerely, Kenneth


KeithTax profile image

KeithTax 5 years ago from Wisconsin

No humor?! I found myself chuckling a few times. Maybe I saw something in myself. I'm sure the advice is solid. I only date my wife now. She prefers it that way.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

11/01/2011/ 2:02 p.m./CST

Keith, THANKS, MAN, for the great comment. I appreciate it so much. MOST, maybe all, of this was from a personal viewpoint--rejection-by-rejection, play-by-play as it happened. "Hello, sports fans. There's a light breeze blowing from left to right, what a night to be rejected by a pretty girl!" That is my humor segment. Thanks, Keith. You are a cool dude. Kenneth


mary615 profile image

mary615 5 years ago from Florida

This should be a "must read" for all guys who date! another thing I thought of: men or boys should remove their hat (or cap)when entering a room, or sitting at a table to eat. I can't stand seeing a guy in a restaurant with a stupid cap on backwards! I voted you UP


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, Mary615, Thank YOU so much. And YOU are right. I wish I had remembered the one you just said about the hat or cap being removed. Or standing when a lady enters a room or leaves the table. Ahh, he simple days of respect and manners. Thank YOU, DEAR FRIEND, for the comment and memories. Kenneth


mary615 profile image

mary615 5 years ago from Florida

You know, I don't think parents teach their kids basic manners anymore. Manners and being polite was instilled in me as a child! I wanted to ask you: where do you find your great photos? Is it a trade secret? Yours are very fitting to the Hub.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello, mary615, You are right. Parents today, overall, do not teach children the way "we" were taught. And we lived. Nothing harsh about manners. Oh, the artwork? Just Google whatever you are looking for and there will be websites with images to use, but be careful..Hubpages will tag artwork that has watermarks or company names in white on them. Just play it safe and do what I do and use the common images. No trade secret. Thanks, Kenneth


gailalovesbijou profile image

gailalovesbijou 5 years ago from Wyomissing, PA

Well done and very funny! The Seinfeldian humor always gets me: overgifting--ha ha! The 3 Rs are great advice for any guy, any age. Hopefully the guys out there will read this and benefit from it. Keep up the great work, Kenneth!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Well hello, Good Hub Friend, gailalovesbijou! Where'ive you been for so long? THANKS SO MUCH from this old heart, for this warm comment. I DO sincerely appreciate this so much. I need to catch a Seinfield on my market at 6:30 p.m./cst, on a Birmingham, Alabama station I get on my DirecTV. And YOU will never fathom just how much I appreciate YOU and your remarks that always put me in a good mood. Sincerely, KENNETH


mary615 profile image

mary615 5 years ago from Florida

Thanks, Kenneth. I usually use Flickr Creative Commons when I don't have my own photos, but it's limiting.


Alecia Murphy profile image

Alecia Murphy 5 years ago from Wilmington, North Carolina

If this was fiction, I can only imagine what the real advice would be like. Great Hub!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

mary615 . . .YOU are most-welcome. Flickr is a great art source as photobucket and others. You can easily find what you need, most times, by Googling. I have though, to be honest, had to settle for images that were not what I wanted, but I made them work. Have a safe and happy night, mary. Sincerely, KENNETH


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello, Alecia! Thank YOU so MUCH for the comment. If I had used the REAL things that "Jerry," and my jerk buddies said to girls in my day, HubPages would terminate my account. I choose to NOT use vulgar and demeaning, slang on my hubs. Or in real life. But Alecia, inside the fiction is always a few sparkles of the truth. I sincerely THANK YOU for your comment. Kenneth


thelyricwriter profile image

thelyricwriter 5 years ago from West Virginia

These are great tips Kenneth. Voted up, useful, and interesting. I haven't dated in a 11 years now, but I still remember it like it was yesterday. Although times change from generation to generation, the basics remain the same. You covered on a lot of mistakes and responded on helpful tips. A very well written article. Take care.


Mizsnow profile image

Mizsnow 5 years ago

Awesome LOL


Pollyannalana profile image

Pollyannalana 5 years ago from US

Great advice and very well written, voted up and across!

Polly


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

11/2/2011, 9:58 a.m./cst

Dear thelyricwriter, THANK YOU VERY MUCH . . .for the comment. I hear ya' Things have changed so much in the dating world now, that I would be the lonely loser sitting in his Cadillac convertible in some parking lot listening to Eddie Money while the happy daters around me rolled by and felt sorry for me. I am happy with just being a 'Willful Hermit' and Hub contributor. I have THE BEST FOLLOWERS of all hubwriters. I say that with all pride and thankfulness. Kenneth.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, Mizsnow! And YOUR comment was awesome. I appreciate you and your thoughts a LOT. I hope that YOU Have the BEST day EVER! And if I can ever be of help to you, I can be found right here, on HubPages. Thanks again. Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello, Dear Pollyannalana, what's wrong? I can tell when someone has hurt your feelings for your comments are very short. Woe to the person who has caused you grief. I mean that. And I THANK YOU, DEAR FRIEND, for your lovely comment and votes. I appreciate that so much. Keep in touch with me. And God bless you RICHLY! Kenneth


Sophia Angelique 5 years ago

:) Now here's something a girl can live with... :)


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

" . . .A VERY-SINCERE THANK YOU, Sophia, for this warm and truthful comment that literally made my day. In lots of ways. Thanks so much for your comment and understanding. Have a blessed day, my friend, KENNETH.


phdast7 profile image

phdast7 5 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia

Nice, Kenneth. Good, reasonable common sense suggestions...but common sense and reasonable behavior has been in short supply these last couple of decades hasn't it? You have done the boys and girls and the men and women of America a kind service. :)


Sueswan 5 years ago

Hi Kenneth,

Great advice told with wit and humor as only you can do.

I think you would have made a great date.

I think the biggest mistake a a man or woman can make on a date is to talk about their past relationships. Sure we all have a past but there is a time and place for everything.

Voted up, up and away!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Nov. 3, 2011/9:47 a.m/cst

Hi, DEAR Sueswan . . ." . . .THANK YOU KINDLY AND SINCERELY for your lovely remark. Awww, thanks. I would have loved to just spend quality time with a girl and not for sex as my pals did..they treated their dates like notches on the handle of a pistol. And laugh about it. If they had been raised by my mom, they would have viewed girls in a whole new dimension. Thank YOU, DEAR Sueswan, for the votes too. I cannot repay you. Ever. For all the niceties and kind words you have given me. But Im trying. Have a wonderful day. Be careful. Sincerely, KENNETH


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello, Dear Phdast7! Thank you kindly, for your warm comments that make me smile. I appreciate, so much, you taking valuable time out of your day to share your thoughts with me. I will try hard to not take YOU or your comments for granted. In fact, I return the nicety of URGING YOU TO CONTINUE TO WRITE THOSE GREAT HUBS THAT YOU DO. No telling at the lives you will, and have already touched. Sincerely, KENNETH


Sueswan 5 years ago

Hi Dear Kenneth,

I am just speaking the truth. There is no need to thank me. Your friendship and support is thanks enough.

You be careful too. :-)


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello, again, DEAR Susan,

Thank YOU. Very MUCH. Yes, I DO need to thank you. My mom, remember my comments, raised me to RESPECT ALL FEMALES. And it is my pleasure to be friends with you and support you. What a job in paradise this, supporting you and being friends with you. And I will. Be careful. If you are. KENNETH


Sueswan 5 years ago

Hi Kenneth,

You have a deal my dear friend. I will be careful. ;-)


kingphilipIV profile image

kingphilipIV 5 years ago from Iloilo, Philippines

for me, this hub is awesome.. now I know how to court the woman I love.. Thanks for your tips.. I really love it..


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

11/4/2011--10:44 a.m/cst

Dear Susan . . .THANK YOU SO MUCH for the sweet comment. That makes ME happy to know that YOU will be careful. And I also want YOU to have a great day. With my Sincere Wishes, KENNETH


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

11/4/2011/10:46 a.m./cst

Hi, kingphilipIV, Thanks, man, for the props on this hub that I tell you, WAS a keyboard labor. Dealing with the opposite sex is complicated, but easier when we guys go in with information that will help, not hurt us. And just be relaxed, moderate, and YOURSELF with your girlfriend. She should respond quickly. My Best to you, KENNETH


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

Kenneth - I had to read this first - my 23 year old recently suggested I write something similar. She was laughing hysterically about some of the very things you brought up. Too much cologne for one! Ha! So true too - it's best if you just be yourself - eventually the date is gonna meet that person anyway, right? Lol

Talk about a real deal - I am so glad you are a fellow hubber! can't wait until my daughter gets home so I can show her this!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello, New Friend, RealHousewife!

Thanks to YOU and YOUR daughter for the response. That is why Im here..to offer "advice," and make my followers smile, laugh a little because sadly, we live in a dark, selffish society where laughter is a rare commodity. I want to, if I can, with my hubs, change that. Thank YOU again. Peace and Love to YOU. KENNETH


Jo_Goldsmith11 profile image

Jo_Goldsmith11 5 years ago

Great advice and great writing. You pretty much have learned quite a bit. I am impressed! Voted up and shared. This is a classic, and will help many young men! :) take care


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

11/13/2011

9:06 p.m/cst

Jo_Goldsmith11, THANK YOU FOR THE SWEET COMMENT. Just writing from experience. And the heart. I am STILL learning. No (man) will EVER achieve total-enlightment on how to properly respect a woman. I hope I have in my 57 years as my mother taught me as six year old. I just want Our Father and her to be happy. Thanks again for the uplifting comment. Kenneth

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