Falling in Love - How Do People Fall in Love Just From Talking?
The Power of Language
The million dollar question is, how do people ended up falling in love just from talking? If you have read the book entitled "The Mating Mind" written by Geoffrey Miller, there is one particular chapter where the author is basically trying to figure out how our ancestors developed the ability to fall in love by simply talking to each other. In the process, he introduces this rather interesting topic "Public Speech as Covert courtship".
According to Miller, verbal courtship can be narrowly viewed as face-to-face flirtation, or broadly as anything we say in public that might increase our social status or personal attractiveness in the eyes of potential mates. He believes that during early courtship, although sexual flirtation accounts only for a small fraction of language use, it's still considered to have the most important evolutionary effects. In the author's opinion, this is the moment when the most important decisions in relation to reproduction are made.
He also thinks this is the time, depending on what you say, can determine whether you will be rejected as sexual partners. The writer goes on to question the fact, that if language evolved only for face-to-face flirtation, why would we make it our point of duty altruistically giving away information when we are not directly courting a particular individual? According to the writer we would surely be less talkative than we do.
The Author goes on to say that verbal courtship in the broader sense explains why we compete to say interesting, relevant things in groups. His opinion is that, sexual choice permeates human social life, owing to the fact that anything that raises social status tends to improve mating prospects. Miller believes if a man gains a reputation as an incisive thinker who consistently clarifies group decision-making and mediates social conflicts, his social status and sexual attractiveness increases.
On the contrary, if a woman gains respect as a great wit and an inventive storyteller, her status and attractiveness increases as well. Miller argues that public speaking and debate provide an opportunity for individuals to advertise their knowledge, clear thinking, social tact, good judgement, wit, experience, morality, imagination, and self-confidence. His conclusion was that under Pleistocene conditions, the sexual incentives for advertising such qualities would have lasted throughout adult life, in almost every social situation. The author believes that the language is responsible for putting the mind on public display, where sexual choice could see them clearly for the first time in evolutionary history.
Miller has made a few strong points here. In his reasoning, he sees language as a very powerful tool in courtship. Men will go out of their way to say the most beautiful things to the ladies, in an effort to be selected. Whether they meant what they say or not, they have to create that first impression, in order to have that woman falling in love with them as quickly as possible.
Like they say "first impression is lasting, and there will never be a second chance to prove a first impression."As far as public speaking and debates are concerned, usually the most eloquent or charismatic speakers tend to have more positive bearings on the audience than those who are outright "flat" and less appealing.
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