Father of 34 Children

Who Will Cry for the Little Boy By Antwone Fisher

who will cry for the little boy?
Lost and all alone.
Who will cry for the little boy?
Abandoned without his own?

Who will cry for the little boy?
He cried himself to sleep.
Who will cry for the little boy?
He never had for keeps.

Who will cry for the little boy?
He walked the burning sand
Who will cry for the little boy?
The boy inside the man.

Who will cry for the little boy?
Who knows well hurt and pain
Who will cry for the little boy?
He died again and again.

Who will cry for the little boy?
A good boy he tried to be
Who will cry for the little boy?
Who cries inside of me


Daily Mail Reported:

Confrontation:

Iyanla Vanzant asked Jay Williams - who has 34 children - about a possible vasectomy. Williams told Vanzant he didn't want to undergo the procedure and 'I don't have a problem with what I've created'

'No,' Williams says.

'So a child at 15, you never said "Let me use a condom?"' Vanzant asks.

Williams replies 'I did use condoms.'

Shocked, Vanzant leans in and asks 'How many?'

'I probably would have had 200 kids if I didn't use condoms,' Williams admits.

'Really?' Vanzant asks, with Williams nodding. 'Did it ever dawn on you, "Let me get a vasectomy?"'


Iyanla Vanzant, thank you for helping others to do their work. Often we hear headlines like “34 kids by 17 women” and we (the public) place labels on people without investigating the situation. While there is no excuse for the behavior, tracing back this young man's foundation revealed he didn't stand a chance. To see the picture of the little boy abandoned /devalued by his father (Harvard educated) and a mother broken -unable to love him, this little boy that became a man was never whole. Wreck-less behavior and crazy lifestyles have a foundation and basis. When you are raised in lies, disregarded, and not loved to become a healthy functional human being capable of healthy behaviors. One can not duplicate love when you have never experienced it. You see the dysfunctional “norm” and the healthy behavior and interaction is disregarded as strange, foreign, uncomfortable, and undesirable. If you don't love yourself you will reach for others that duplicate your pain and broken heart creating “literally” an army of broken people.

Ralph Waldo Emerson:Men are what their mothers made them


Walter M. Schirra, Sr.: You don’t raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they’ll turn out to be heroes, even if it’s just in your own eyes.

Grape sales will be on the rise as we witnessed a father so callous and disconnected from his responsibility that he found it more appropriate to snack on grapes then to listen to Iyanla Vanzant. A man who denied being in a physically abusive relationship with his ex-wife thus allowing his son to believe it was his mother's “lack of love for her husband” that led to the demise of the marriage resulting in a failed co-parenting situation. Again, just as when Jay was 8-9 years old you have a parent who wants to “walk-out” and “run” whenever the truth becomes too much to bear. A mother that admits to not being there for little Jay because she was broken herself by the time he was born. This little boy didn't have a chance. His siblings sleeping in bed's while he slept on the floor next to the bathroom.

While he is responsible for what he has created, the situation is such a sad one.

Oh, a little boy, now a grown man full of hurt and learning at the age of 15+ to rely on the manipulation of women to survive and live.

Did viewing Jay's history and family background invoke compassion for his situation??

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Take Aways:

  1. There is no excuse for one man to create 34 lives with 17 women. There is no excuse for women to engage with someone presenting such a reckless lifestyle to them before they created life with this person.

  2. Black men and women are in need of serious therapy. When broken relationships/homes are present time and effort must be made to process, understand, and heal our pains so people do not perpetuate unhealthy relationships centered around creation of life.

  3. Just because someone is successful or accomplished in one part or aspect of their lives, it does not mean they are righteous or healthy human beings.

  4. You can't fail your children and expect them to become well-adjusted healthy adults.

  5. How could a parent treat their flesh and blood with such contempt and lack of caring without acknowledging their pain?

  6. It takes a brave man to come to a point in his life when he understands his activities are wrong, he's not okay, and he needs help to confront the demons of his past that control the negative realities of his present situation. (Kudos for that.)

  7. When women are unloved they will engage in poor behavior because if you don't love yourself nor do you consider yourself worthy of more, you will partake in almost anything.

  8. The irresponsible sexual behavior practices by adults within the African-American community is growing at an alarming rate. The sexual risky behavior is not indicative of the realities that occur when multiple people are having unprotected sex.

  9. A woman can not be more angry at their friend for sleeping with their boyfriend/mate than the mate that was disrespectful enough to reveal he “tried” your friend.

  10. African American women are often seen as having “issues” by the entire world. This series made it evident that the biggest issue is broken people. Men and women are broken and refuse to handle their issues leading to such a horrific situation.

  11. It all becomes clear why good, happy, easy to get along with women with good hearts, decent jobs/careers, great morals: remain unloved/unmarried by broken unhealthy men. It is understandable why a woman that loves you for who you are (not for material gain or wealth) and wants to build with you and understanding/loving you could be such a threat to one's “normal dysfunction.”

  12. Sending a paycheck is not parenting. Not being there to lead, display moral values, communicate, teach, guide, and care on a continuous basis (not every other weekend) does not define parenting.


Amazing Facts According to fatherhood.about.com

Criminal Activity. The likelihood that a young male will engage in criminal activity doubles if he is raised without a father and triples if he lives in a neighborhood with a high concentration of single-parent families.

Suicide. 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes (Source: What Can the Federal Government Do To Decrease Crime and Revitalize Communities? - see link below)

Behavioral Disorders. 85% of all children that exhibit behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes (Source: What Can the Federal Government Do To Decrease Crime and Revitalize Communities? - see link below)

High School Dropouts. 71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes (Source: What Can the Federal Government Do To Decrease Crime and Revitalize Communities? - see link below)

Educational Attainment. Kids living in single-parent homes or in step-families report lower educational expectations on the part of their parents, less parental monitoring of school work, and less overall social supervision than children from intact families. (N.M. Astore and S. McLanahan, American Sociological Review, No. 56 (1991)

Juvenile Detention Rates. 70% of juveniles in state-operated institutions come from fatherless homes (Source: What Can the Federal Government Do To Decrease Crime and Revitalize Communities? - see link below)

Confused Identities. Boys who grow up in father-absent homes are more likely that those in father-present homes to have trouble establishing appropriate sex roles and gender identity.(P.L. Adams, J.R. Milner, and N.A. Schrepf, Fatherless Children, New York, Wiley Press, 1984).

Aggression. In a longitudinal study of 1,197 fourth-grade students, researchers observed "greater levels of aggression in boys from mother-only households than from boys in mother-father households." (N. Vaden-Kierman, N. Ialongo, J. Pearson, and S. Kellam, "Household Family Structure and Children's Aggressive Behavior: A Longitudinal Study of Urban Elementary School Children," Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology 23, no. 5 (1995).

Achievement. Children from low-income, two-parent families outperform students from high-income, single-parent homes. Almost twice as many high achievers come from two-parent homes as one-parent homes. (One-Parent Families and Their Children, Charles F. Kettering Foundation, 1990).

Delinquency. Only 13 percent of juvenile delinquents come from families in which the biological mother and father are married to each other. By contract, 33 percent have parents who are either divorced or separated and 44 percent have parents who were never married. (Wisconsin Dept. of Health and Social Services, April 1994).


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1 comment

MsDora profile image

MsDora 2 years ago from The Caribbean

Your articles are powerful and I will have to revisit and read more. Great topics and great messages. "Sending a paycheck is not parenting." You've lots of important things to say. Please keep writing.

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