Filling out a dating profile

Friends and activity partners
Friends and activity partners
Smallville
Smallville
Blow fish
Blow fish
Big mouth bass
Big mouth bass
Chocolate cake
Chocolate cake
cookies
cookies
small dish of ice cream
small dish of ice cream
Athletic? Well the dog is at least
Athletic? Well the dog is at least

The challenge!

Filling out a dating profile

By 1964human

The challenge!

In my vast experience with online dating (two- and-a-half weeks now), a number of issues have arisen.

I encountered my first problem when filling out my profile. Right off the bat, in the drop-down box labeled “Seeking,” it demands that I make a decision on what type of relationship I’m looking for.” Hmmm…one would think this would be easy to answer. This is an online DATING site, after all, so the automatic assumption is I’m looking for a date. However, I find I must pick only one from a number of appealing choices.

I see “FRIENDS” on the list. Well, silly menu, I wouldn't want a relationship with an enemy! I’d want to be friends first, of course. But if I select this option: 1) my soul mate may pass me by because he is looking for forever (or, as it’s known on the dating network, “LONG-TERM”) and is tired of casual friendships that never go anywhere; 2) the chance I’m going to go from 0 to Long-Term in 60 seconds is pretty slim, but it would be the ultimate option so do I bear my soul in the first drop-down or leave that for the “Description” area?; 3) I love friends. My favorite friends are all men (no romance involved). If I don't select this option, I could miss out on some great friendships.

Ok, I decide to give my brain a rest on that one and consider some of the other options. “HANG OUT.” I’m bored. I love friends. I like to “hang out.” But will I sound like I'm 16 and haven't gotten a new PS game in months? Moving on, we come to "TALK AND EMAIL". I personally like talk and email, but some of the men I would be interested in might not like wasting time emailing like a texting teenager.

I love really smart guys, I always have. This is true with my friends, email pals, hang out buddies, and romances. Smart is so sexy! Ooops, sorry. I sidetrack easily. Anyway, really smart guys are usually very busy and don't always have time to mess with such things. Not unappealing and not a problem.

Next I see “OTHER RELATIONSHIP.” This choice seems to encourage my imagination to run wild trying to figure out what it means. I’m going to ignore it, as I am sure it’s not for me. Then, at last, an easy one! “INTIMATE ENCOUNTER.” Definitely not for me, so I muddle through to the final option, “ACTIVITIES PARTNER.” Crap, here we go again. I'm active. I like to have other people around when I'm doing active things. Of course I'd like an activities partner.

I keep thinking there’s a reason this is separate from the rest. Does this mean ONLY activities? Like, don't even think "friendship," "email pal," or "long term"? Best not to choose it, just in case.

Now that I have wasted an hour-and-a-half unsuccessfully trying to select the right choice for the first drop-down, I steel myself for another dozen drop-down menus. I wonder if my long weekend is going to give me enough time to finish. I grab a snack and an iced tea and settle back into my place in front of the computer.

My next consideration is “Town.” If you live in New York, Denver or LA, filling in this box doesn't require too much thought. If you live in Smallville, Kansas, this becomes a different challenge entirely.

1. Let’s say I give the real name of my town, population 42 (including my dogs). How long will it take for Crazy Stalker to find me?

2. In Smallville, folks are a bit backwoods, but they do have computers - and nothing to do. Reading the dating profiles of the locals is one of their best sources for entertainment and gossip.

3. If anyone else in the area has signed up on the dating site, we’ll see each other online. Then the next time we bump into each other in the store, we’ll both be embarrassed.

4. I already know these folks. If there was a local love connection, wouldn't I have run into him by now, making “shopping” in my area seem like a silly thing to do?

So I opt for the nearest big city, 47 miles away, population 4922 (barely minimizes the issues but it’s the only choice for 70 miles).

Next, I’m asked to choose my “Fish Personality.” I glance through the list but get sidetracked again, wondering what would possess a person to check some of the choices offered. Or if they did, how anyone else could find such qualities endearing. I'm sure I wouldn't want people to associate me with a Big Mouth Bass, Crab, Piranha or Blowfish (Good lord! Is that as in blowhard - or some sort of hidden sexual innuendo?) I try to refocus and check “no fish personality” before moving on.

Now it asks if I'm married. Is it kidding? What is the world coming to? Doesn't anyone have any morals? Are folks really stupid enough to advertise on the World Wide Web that they cheat on their spouse? OK, settle down. In my enlightened state, I know not to react to my emotions, I know not to judge. So I think, “Well, this can be a valid question without serious moral implications.” I firmly believe people can have friends of the opposite sex with no hanky-panky involved. And friends, after all, are a wonderful thing to have. Still, this doesn't apply to my situation, so I ponder my other selections.

At this point, I feel damned if I do and damned if I don't. If I mark “DIVORCED,” I’m immediately branded. They will all think I'm too hard to get along with or cheated on my husband or have no common sense and was stupid enough to marry a drug-dealing, wife-beating, fornicating drunk. By marking this choice, I have also eliminated all Catholic male prospects. At least it’ll speed up the “shopping” considerably.

If I mark “SINGLE” (it's true, divorced people are single until they remarry or enter into a "LONG-TERM" relationship, right?), someone will undoubtedly think of this as a lie somewhere down the road.

Damn, this is getting harder than being confirmed by the Senate!

I see at the bottom a choice for “NOT SINGLE, NOT LOOKING.” Why in hell would I be filling out this profile if that were the case? One more dating site mystery to unravel. Frustrated and confused, I decide honesty is always the best policy, select “Divorced,” and ask myself again if I really am this bored. I am. I live in Smallville, remember.

Next it asks if I'm looking for a male or female. Well, I want a male for a romantic relationship but either sex would be nice to have as "friends,""email pals," or "activities partner." If I met a girl, maybe we could cruise the bar together, looking for men to pick up. I am relieved to see they have solved this problem for me by not providing selections titled “either” or “both.” My God! Can you imagine the can of worms that would open up?

I always get along better with men no matter what type of relationship we’re talking about so I pick “MALE” and start feeling a little cocky now that I'm picking up speed. The last two questions went pretty fast and, to my delight, the next choice is easy, too. “ALL MY KIDS ARE OVER 18.” Of course, there’s a slight worry that they’ll see the word ALL and assume there’s an entire herd of them but I can’t let this distract me because I’ve still got hours of decision-making ahead.

Just when I thought the hard part was over, I’m asked if “I Want Children.” This is a loaded question. I automatically go for the “DOES NOT WANT CHILDREN” choice. But wait. It's not that simple, is it? I see no choice that says “DOESN'T WANT TO BEAR CHILDREN, BUT DOESN'T MIND IF YOU HAVE THEM,” or “KIDS OK IF THEY LIVE WITH YOUR X” or “KIDS OK IF LESS THAN A YEAR TILL THEY LEAVE HOME” ( I would assume a year’s the minimum before we’d be thinking about living together anyway, right?)

I've already checked “DOES NOT WANT CHILDREN” and I'm sticking to it.

The next thing it wants to know is my “HEIGHT.” I haven't measured lately but the last time I did I was 5' 10''. Sounds like a straightforward question, but as I get older I’m shrinking. In my twenties, I was 5'11.'' What if I’ve shrunk even more? Will they think I lied when we meet in person? Should I get out the yardstick? No, just keep going, I tell myself. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can....

I read the next question. “BODY TYPE.” OH, SURE!! As if I'm not traumatized enough already. I head for the kitchen, grab a snack, dump the ice tea and switch to Sprite. It’s going to be a long, stressful night and I better cut back on the caffeine so I can stay calmer. I look again at the task ahead and decide instead to watch the newest episode of “Psych.” He’s very smart AND funny, and I could really use a laugh about now.

Feeling refreshed and a little silly (Psych is good clean goofy fun), I get back to work. Where were we? Oh, right. Body type. How could I forget that? I’m trying to decide if I can get away with “ATHLETIC.” I’m in good shape for my age. I’ve told them my age. How much can they expect from someone my age? I'm in better shape than some, but worse shape than others. Good grief!

I better pick “AVERAGE.” What is average? Compared to who? Or is it whom? Crap, do I have to look that up to keep from appearing ignorant or do I pick different words and write it over? But wait, I digress. I think I can, I think I can....

Next is hair color. Are they really going to force me to put “SALT AND PEPPER” because I have a few gray hairs? How many gray hairs can you have before it’s “salt and pepper” instead of just “Black”? I look for but can't find a place that allows me to explain my hair color in detail. The gray thing, as well as how it turns a lighter shade when it bleaches out in the summer so that it’s different, different times of the year. I could dye it. Now, hold it - this is getting out of hand. It’s black, damn it. Black!

Am I really this insecure? Is this really worth it?

Once again I boldly push on. I am woman, hear me roar! I can do this. I'm a decent catch. I'm witty, easy going, fun, smart... wait a minute, compared to who? Whom?

It is becoming clear that I'm going to need therapy before this is over. The last question in that column is do I have a car. Yes, but does it have to be running? What if I have a truck? Or a van? Live in New York? I pick yes because I actually have a car, a truck, and a van! Again, it doesn't give me a place to explain or, in this case, brag. I feel better now and go to the next column.

Do I smoke? Smoke what? What are you implying? I have allergies. Ooops. Flashback to the 70's. This is a tough one for the folks who do smoke. We all want to quit. We’re all thinking, “Maybe this will be the incentive I need to quit.” If I put “NO,” I'll have to be accountable. That would help me quit. What if I put “OCCASIONALLY”? Will it sound like I only smoke one cigarette a day after dinner (not completely disgusting), or will they think I'm still talking about the 70's?

Next question seems easy. “Do you do drugs?” I pick NO but can't help letting my mind wander. “Nobody can really be stoned enough to admit to every person in the world with an email address and a desire to get on a dating site that they do drugs, can they? Can you really trust the answers you’re getting here?”

My brain continues to spiral as I accept that you can't be positive about anything a person tells you on one of these things. I’m getting discouraged but I’ve come so far, through so much, to get this thing filled out. Is there a way to save it and finish it another time? I try, I fail, it wants answers and won't let me quit until I have put something in each box! Realizing I’m off track again, I begin to worry that I have ADHD and read the next question.

GOOD GOD, WILL IT NEVER END! “Do you drink?” I hover over the drop-down, dreading the choices, prepared to bolt. I click it. I see “SOCIALLY.” I think, “Yes, that would be me if I didn’t live in a town of 42 where I socialize once or twice a year. Does that still count?” If I put “socially” and some guy hates drinking, he won't know that if I never had another drink it wouldn't bother me for a second.

If I put “NO,” will it scare away any guys who just drink a little bit once in a while because they think I'll be hateful about it? I don't get along well with drunks. I could easily eliminate the “3 X OR MORE A WEEK” but what about the guy who drinks one glass of wine a night following his doctor’s instructions?

Is it me or is filling out this profile REALLY HARD?

I think I'll take a break, look up the phone number of the local mental health clinic and program it on speed dial. After all, I'm only part way through and you can't be too careful when your sanity is at stake.

With my priorities taken care of, I throw all caution to the wind, choose “Socially,” and click the “Income Level” drop-down menu as if it’s no biggie. I fight to stop the wave of "What abouts…”. I decide it isn't the business of strangers how much money I make, so I click “PREFER NOT TO SAY.” I try to push back the mental turmoil involved in this selection because I’m inherently honest and “Prefer Not to Say” seems either deceptive, which I’m not comfortable with, or a dead giveaway to the actual answer and therefore pointless. Like, for example, “Do you do drugs?” However, in this instance, I’m passionate about my belief that this question is too personal for strangers, so I check their version of “None of your damn business” without reservation.

The next section is easier as it lets me pick the words in the answer! I like this much better! I am a lot more in my element now!

Do you suppose I have control issues? Maybe I should start a list of questions for the mental health guy. I wonder if they prescribe Ritalin.

I'm excited about this part so I focus more easily and begin to list “MY INTERESTS.” Dancing, outdoors stuff, water, warm weather, all the old standby key words like romantic walks on the beach, etc. I realize how cookie cutter these things are and spend a few minutes pondering the similarities in people. This thought branches off to include differences in people and the subject of “honest” answers versus “what you think the other person wants to hear” answers.

Maybe I’m avoiding the next question. It wants to know what my “PROFESSION” is. Okay, again, if you’re one of a thousand employees at a huge company in a big city it’s no big deal to answer that question. But if you live, and work, in Smallville, Crazy Stalker could easily cause you problems at your job. I’m tired and, frankly, a little cranky by now so I decide to inject some humor into the mix instead of beating the question to death.

I type “Star Ship Captain.” I may later reconsider this choice (I don't want them to think I have a pocket full of small change, waiting for a comet to fly by). But for now, if they don't have a sense of humor, we won't get along anyway.

The next question should be super easy. It wants to know what “STATE” I'm in. Cool, one I can answer! Thank God for small favors. I think I'll celebrate with a snack. Perhaps some chocolate. I've earned it, I deserve it, I read somewhere it's a mood booster.... Damn good thing it didn't ask for my weight because by the time I finish this, I’ll weigh five pounds more. Now I am very glad I picked “AVERAGE” for Body Type.

After finishing my snack of chocolate cake, cookies and a bowl of ice cream, It dawns on me the “STATE” question was designed to lull me into a false sense of security. I’m now face-to-face with “RACE,” “EDUCATION LEVEL,” and “RELIGION.” Why me, dear God? Why me? I’m a good woman; I try hard to do the right thing! WHY ME?!

Maybe I'm having a sugar rush; I knew I shouldn't have had that ice cream. I stop to remind myself, “I can do anything!” I survived 19 years of single parenthood with only an 8th grade education and fierce determination. I have overcome economic hardship. I have survived serious illnesses and injuries.

I’ve lived through the Bush administration, for GOD’S SAKE. I can do this!

First I tackle “RACE.” I choose Caucasian but with great misgivings, as I am a firm believer that even if one has traced her lineage all the way back to caveman days, you just cannot be sure who was sneaking around with whom, debunking all documentation to the contrary. In addition, I want to scream my protest that this question is here at all. I realize how far we still have to go to rid the world of prejudice. I know that at this rate I will never finish this profile so I try to put that thought on hold and keep going.

Forced to take on “EDUCATION” next, I see that my only honest choice (if we stretch the truth from GED to mean High School) will register on this stupid program as “EDUCATION: N/A”. What the ****? Are these things designed to make you feel bad about yourself? What are they thinking? They should have offered me a humorous option, like “school of hard knocks” to minimize my humiliation.

So be it. The first time we IM and guys try to read something I’ve written without the benefit of spell check, they’re going to figure out I don't have much education anyway.

One more to go. One more! Naturally, they save the worst for last. Religion. Cripes, the only thing they aren't going to ask is my political affiliation. It's a good thing, too; I think the mental health clinic is closed till Monday morning.

My heart is racing now, knowing that I’ve survived all the way to the last drop-down menu! (Still running on sugar, I expect.) I click the tiny arrow and survey the options. I can't believe my eyes. It’s the easiest question yet, shame on me of little faith! I select “OTHER” without hesitation, thinking, “I couldn't have said it better myself!”

I MADE IT!! I’m finished with the drop-downs! I feel like celebrating! I look around for someone to share my excitement! Nobody there. I experience somewhat of an anticlimax. I realize in a flash that I still have a huge section to fill out and, worse than that, I never made a choice from the first drop-down! All this and I haven't picked the first one.

Oddly, instead of the nervous breakdown I assume is coming, a strange calm sets in. I scroll up to the top, look at the drop-down for “Seeking,” click it and, in one quick motion, click again on “FRIENDS”. It’s liberating!

After all this concern over presenting myself in a way that would attract my kind of guy, I realize I can look for my kind of guy without any of the pressure of finding “my soul mate.” All it takes is this simple decision to click on “FRIENDS”!

I love it! I would never get serious with any one I wasn't great friends with. If it doesn't develop into anything romantic, so what? I have a new friend and I no longer feel the need to impress anyone. All of a sudden I can be me, like it or leave it, whatever works!

I know the challenges of online dating have just begun, but I'm confident I have made the right choices in my profile. If only I’d picked "Friends" first!

PLEASE, ALWAYS ADOPT FROM A SHELTER AND SPAY AND NUTER YOUR PETS!

Bo

Comments 42 comments

MindField profile image

MindField 7 years ago from Portland, Oregon

This is absolutely fabulous, Bo. (I hope Bo is your name and not just a typo at the end of your hub. I have enough things to be embarrassed about lately.)

When you get ready to send it to Modern Maturity (sorry, but there we are - far past the Cosmo stage but not quite to the Shady Lane Gazette yet), I'll edit it for you. Needs hardly anything and might make you a couple of thou (that's not Quaker talk, that's thousands of dollars).

Funny thing is, I filled out that very same questionnaire. Yesterday. Yes, on the fish site. I said I was a turtle and if you read my hub "Misdiagnosed Introvert," it won't tax your brain to figure out why. You can read my "I Like Men' hub, too, which gives us a connection to build a friendship on. Except you're funnier than I am by a long shot so I hate you.

Oh, as to your other commenter, she/he likes to leave that same lame message for everyone. Ignore it. You are Dancin' Queen for the Day (meaning for a long time to come) and are going to be a real hit on HubPages!


1964human profile image

1964human 7 years ago from Smallville Kansas Author

MindField,

THANK YOU SO MUCH. You have no idea what your kind words have done for me. This was my first ever attemt at letting the world see something I wrote and you have encouraged me to keep going! I would be honored and delighted if you really would edit for me. ( English was my worst subject and the 8th grade education thing is true) LOL Let me know if you are serious! THANK YOU AGAIN SO MUCH!

BO


MindField profile image

MindField 7 years ago from Portland, Oregon

You'll find I never say things I don't mean (well, VERY RARELY, anyway! ;-)

I'll write more to you later tonight via email.


woofmom profile image

woofmom 7 years ago from Parker,CO

Look out Carrie Bradshaw, there's a new girl in town and she is FUNNY! This is truly one of the best things i've read in ages, thanks for the wit, look forward to more!!!


Jewels profile image

Jewels 7 years ago from Australia

Ahhhh, now a good reference point for online dating. Haven't dared to put the big toe in that big room yet. Great first hub, go girl!


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine

Jeez, I can write a book just on my online dating experiences! Loved the hub!


C. C. Riter 7 years ago

Wow! This is really good, witty, comical and hoest in every way. I love you already. I hope it all works out for you too. Looking for more good stuff from you. happy hunting for a soul mate now. You should fit in here real well with the rest of us very soon too I can see.


goldentoad profile image

goldentoad 7 years ago from Free and running....

I heard there are strange people like CC Riter on line.


Elena. profile image

Elena. 7 years ago from Madrid

My, what a laugh! I found this through he HubNuggets, methinks I'm going to vote for you! Gotta read another one yet, but yes, chances are my vote is yours! Oh, and nice to meet you!


1964human profile image

1964human 7 years ago from Smallville Kansas Author

Golden Toad,

I heard the same rumor, I even saw evidence that it could be true.

Elena,

I'm embarrassed to say I don't know what HubNuggets is, but THANK YOU very much. (unless this is a collection of hubpages worst posts) in which case please drop "thank you" to lower case, italicize "very" and add a sarcastic tone while reading. LOL I have been trying to read every post on here and have neglected learning the basics. I sure don't regret it though! What great stuff EVERYWHERE!

Thank you both for stopping by and reading!


Essy84 profile image

Essy84 7 years ago

This is one brilliant hub! I don't comment a lot on hubpages, but I just had to compliment you on this.. It's excellent really!

Hey where's the HubNugget team at? You guys are missing gold here!

-edit- Ah they did find you :)


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine

Bo's been nominated and has my vote! You go girl!


ripplemaker profile image

ripplemaker 7 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

You made me laugh out loud. I recalled once I got persuaded by a friend to fill up an online dating thing and I forgot to answer the question Are you seeking for a Male or female. The default answer was female. And I was surprised that when Charlie popped up to see me, he was a she! Hahahaha

Congratulations for being a hubnugget nominee! Click this link to find out what a hubnugget is all about! http://hubpages.com/community/Writing-hubs-HubNugg

Be sure to cast your vote and invite as many people to vote too. Great to have you on hubpages!


Elena. profile image

Elena. 7 years ago from Madrid

Human -- ripplemaker here came to my rescue, or is that yours? Laugh and here you have a link to HubNuggets! You'lls see that you don't need to edit your comment, your THANK YOU is fine as is! :-) Good luck with that, I voted for you!


1964human profile image

1964human 7 years ago from Smallville Kansas Author

Essy84,

Thank you so much. I really enjoyed writing it. I'm about half through "After the profile" It makes me laugh to write it and that is pretty much my favorite thing to do.

 

Cindy,

Thank you so much. I am so happy I could just dance!

 

Ripplemaker,

Thanks so much for the link. I went and took a look. I dropped my laptop on the floor, tripped over the dog, and ran to the phone. I called everyone I ever knew and told them (even the ones who couldn't remember me) Then I ran back, rebooted the computer (thankfully it worked) and captured and saved the HubNuggets page.

I'm going to print 5 copies for my mother)

 

Elna,

THANK YOU (make no changes to text) LOL

 

MindField,

My friend, my mentor, my guiding light! What can I say. I couldn't have done it with out you.

 

EVERYONE,

Thank you all for reading. I am so grateful for the nomination, but the thing that is the very best of all about this is making all these great friends. I just love you guys.

Love,

Bo


MindField profile image

MindField 7 years ago from Portland, Oregon

What'd I tell you, kiddo! You are a sensation! Onward and upward, baby! (Had to break my rule about exclamation points this one time.... ;-)

And, although it goes without saying, I'll say it anyway - you've always got my vote.


Vernicious Qnid profile image

Vernicious Qnid 7 years ago

Bo,

Ahhh, online dating -- finally some has come up with a viable alternative to a sharp stick in the eye! ( "Twice the discomfort without the messy cleanup and physical disfugurement! Satisfaction expressly forbidden, your mileage may vary, offer not available in stores).

But I must say you did something right, and you know what I mean. Now if you will excuse me, I must go figure out how to stuff the ballot box -- WAY proud of you girl!

Perry


1964human profile image

1964human 7 years ago from Smallville Kansas Author

Perry

You are too kind, but I can see you are serious compitition!


1964human profile image

1964human 7 years ago from Smallville Kansas Author

MindField,

You have great taste. PS please note the lack of exclimation point, I about had to chop off my hand to keep from typing it, but the new meds seem to be working and I was able to resist.


Miss Behaving profile image

Miss Behaving 7 years ago from Memphis, TN

love it! My dating foibles as a recently divorced gal cold fill a tome--so needless to say, I can relate to all you have written and I find comfort in our numbers (though I have learned that our numbers don't seemt o match up with the numbers of available/decent men...) so, what doesn't kill me will make me stronger! thanks for all the giggles!


C. C. Riter 7 years ago

Happy Easter now Bo! thinking of you, woo-hoo


R. Blue profile image

R. Blue 7 years ago from Right here

I'd like to say "Thank You" for such a fine hub. Now if you read one of my hubs you'll understand.....and yes watch out for that CC character...whoever he is....he's always trying to steal my girls. A verry funny hub indeed though I personally dont see the usefulness of humor. You'll have to join in our fun. Watch the comments on hubtivity and you'll know which hubs to go and read by noting who is posting where.....that CC fellow for instance has good taste in hubs.....and cindyvine's a hoot.....but again welcome.


C. C. Riter 7 years ago

RB and whomever else reads this, there are more comments below this comment box, haha, don't ask, just go down and the rate button id down there too. haah, fuuny thing happened to Bo on doing this, haha, ya got to see for yerself. haa three comment boxes. Bo don't be mad at me. hahaha but ya need ratings, thumbs up girl! go down there and hot her button RB and thank her properly hahaha


1964human profile image

1964human 7 years ago from Smallville Kansas Author

R. Blue,

Over and over I find that great minds think alike, if you liked my hubs you must be brilliant. I see by your friends that you also have great taste. Look out CC you may very well have some real compitition! Cindy give me the inside scoop on this online character, is he one of those nuts you were talking about? I am headed to read your hubs. I hope you do not have very many, I suspect I could get sucked in and not get anything done today if there are!

See ya there,

Bo

Bo


R. Blue profile image

R. Blue 7 years ago from Right here

LOLOLOL...you may have already read one...if not that comment was just tooooo funny...and even if you did it was still funny.....I love your sense of humor...and cindyvine never kisses and tells.


R. Blue profile image

R. Blue 7 years ago from Right here

CC......the funniest thing in the world....she read my hub after making the comment above.....I nearly pissed my pants laughing.....so did she.


k@ri profile image

k@ri 7 years ago from Sunny Southern California

I read above where you said English is your worst subject...I would love to see what you can do with your best. This was fabulous! Funny and witty, very well written...I felt like I was filling out the form. LOL! I cannot wait to go see if you have any more hubs out yet. If not, HURRY UP! Congratulations on being nominated to HubNuggets, you certainly deserve the recognition! :D


C. C. Riter 7 years ago

Haha RB, I saw that keyword sucked in, hahaha


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine

what, what, what???


Ktoo profile image

Ktoo 7 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia, USA

Any writing that makes me laugh out loud at the office gets my vote! Wonderfully funny! And oh, so true.


Karen Banes profile image

Karen Banes 7 years ago from Canada

Clicked on this title thinking it might be slightly amusing, but instead it was lol hilarious. Great hub. Thanks.


lindagoffigan profile image

lindagoffigan 7 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

Wow, 1964human quite a lot of comments on online dating. Great. I wonder if there was a skip and go back button to make completing the form easier. Now, you are going to have to sort through your responders. LOL

Good Luck


Teresa McGurk profile image

Teresa McGurk 7 years ago from The Other Bangor

Very funny stuff -- engaging and well written. Glad to have found you on HubPages; hope you have as much fun here as we do.


acer laptop 7 years ago

Great Hub you have here :) Please check out my website would love to network!


get back ex 6 years ago

Superb hub.


sweetpartners profile image

sweetpartners 6 years ago

Fantastic Hub, enjoyed reading it.


Sailor48 5 years ago

That Made My Day Thank u so much would love to meet u one day


Tattoocharlie 4 years ago

Bo Bob marley said it best one love,But which one is the question.lol


Randy The Terrible 4 years ago

Hi Bo,

Nice read! Did you mean "bare my soul"? I could hardly bear it. Smile...

Randy (PS, Mercaptylic at yahoo dot com)


Alan 4 years ago

Very good lots of good advice with humor Interjected. Hope we can chat sometime. Would really enjoy chatting with you sometime.


mike 2 years ago

Hello, fun read. I wholeheartedly agree.


handymanbill profile image

handymanbill 23 months ago from western pennsylvania

Great read had me really laughing.

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    Divine_MasterMind profile image

    Divine_MasterMind 7 years ago from East coast

    Very well written and your intellect is on point. Keep it up!!


    Raven King profile image

    Raven King 7 years ago from Cabin Fever

    Hehe. Good hub. I especially like the one about race who knows in the caveman era who was going around with whom? I'm caucasian but I always think that I might be related to Ghingis Khan.


     6 years ago

    Well, after reading your storyI can certainly tell you why you are still single

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      Comments 31 comments

      1964human profile image

      1964human 7 years ago from Smallville Kansas Author

      Thank you all so much for the support and kind words! It is greatly appreciated!


      lovinglife1942 7 years ago

      Bo, I tried to fill out this online profile too and had the same problems you had. But I just got flustered instead seeing it as humorous like you did. Your analogy is hysterical. Loved it. Don't ever lose your wonderful sense of humor and please keep writing funny things. They will be the highlight of my day!


      peaceseeker13 7 years ago

      This is SOOOO great! Really why does this online dating profile hub bub have to be so difficult!! You really nailed this!! LOVED IT!!! hahahahahahahahaha


      judyann1984 profile image

      judyann1984 7 years ago from Vearnal Utah

      I love your sense of humor!


      1964human profile image

      1964human 7 years ago from Smallville Kansas Author

      judyann,

      Thank you so much, and thanks for taking the time to read.

      Bo


      C. C. Riter 7 years ago

      What hell, there's a lot of comment boxes to choose from in this place. haha some thing tell me your meds may be too strong, haha count them, I see three. haha

      Now, watch out for that toady guy up there with those green eyes, he's truble for sure. hehe thumbs up again, need more of those buttons too for this piece


      1964human profile image

      1964human 7 years ago from Smallville Kansas Author

      C.C.

      Nice to see you. How are you today?

      LOL LOL I still have not figured out how I ended up with the extras. MindField pointed it out, I so agree. The problem is I don't know how I did it in the first place. LOl Did I mention, besides not having much education I am also computer illiterate. Fortunately I have met friends here that are doing their best to help me learn. (poor dears, haven't yet realized what they got them selves into.)


      C. C. Riter 7 years ago

      Hahaha It just shocked me so much when I saw it, I tho't it may be my meds.LOL haha

      TGIF have a great Easter now, an I hope your foray into unknown territory is fruitful. I voted for you BTW


      1964human profile image

      1964human 7 years ago from Smallville Kansas Author

      Unless we're on the same bad meds, I think you're OK I see all of them too.


      C. C. Riter 7 years ago

      Well, if you tinker wi' them, you'll likely lose the comments on them too. I'll be fine, you'll get the hang of it soon enough. Love your smile too.


      R. Blue profile image

      R. Blue 7 years ago from Right here

      CC....man, I see you're already hotting her button...you always beat me to it :-(


      C. C. Riter 7 years ago

      Haha, more experience my man. haha


      R. Blue profile image

      R. Blue 7 years ago from Right here

      I'll give you that CC.....but not by much :-) I think they may be right you and I are too much alike... just wish I had your talent.....we'll have to have a chat some day


      Purple Daisy 7 years ago

      ROFLMAO! Bo, you had me laughing "So Hard" that my eyes started tearing up and I heard a drop fall into my coffee.

      I filled out one of those dating profiles also and I had just about EVERY thought and emotion as you did. I cant believe JUST HOW MANY TIMES IN ONE MINUTE I could get distracted in my thoughts and then "wake up" only to find myself stuck on the same question and feeling that "Oh Please Lord Help Me". I think the True Test is finishing the profile. They want to see if you got TRUE GRIT!

      I am a former army combat field medic and even I was fighting back the temptation to say.. screw it, Ill catch the next bus. ; P


      GeneriqueMedia profile image

      GeneriqueMedia 7 years ago from Earth

      "....I'm 16 and haven't gotten a new PS game in months?" Love your humor. But keep up with the times, its all about the Wii. ;)

      "Now it asks if I'm married. Is it kidding? What is the world coming to? Doesn't anyone have any morals?"

      Dr. Phil had a guy on his show recently..the same day he had his wedding reception he was on a dating site trying to hook up with another woman. Morals? What are those? Are they like, in the mall? ;)

      Your humor is very uplifting and your train of thought type of writing is working. However, I might recommend adding some funny vids, pix, or links just to spruce it up. If you don't know how to begin, I'll be more than happy to show you. =)

      Welcome to HubPages, 1964Human!


      1964human profile image

      1964human 7 years ago from Smallville Kansas Author

      Purple Daisy,

      Thanks so much, I love the see who has true grit!!! Too funny! (can I use that?) LOL LOL

      PS a BIG thank you for your service to our country!

      GeneriqueMedia,

      Thanks so much! I asked around at the Malls and they said you can't even special order it any more! They stopped selling it about the same time 8 tracks went out. I even searched local thriftshops and Ebay, no luck. LOl

      I want very much to spruce it up I think that is excellent advice. I have been trying to read through all the crazy legal stuff for ad sence etc.. but there is alot. The one thing holding me back is understanding copyrighted material. It expressly forbids me to use thing that are copyrighted on any of my hubs, so I worry. I put a couple pic on the Men blog, but I just sucked them off the web and I'm sure they are probably copyrighted. Will that get me in trouble? Also what if I link to something, will they be mad, or does it breech any contract stuff? Geeze, so much to learn.

      Thanks for the welcome also, I can see this is one of those sites I'll never leave!

      Bo


      mayhmong profile image

      mayhmong 7 years ago from North Carolina

      LOL, this just gives me an idea to make up a profile about my bosses wife. She thinks our boss is cheating with everyone at work. That reminds me of this funny video of Lindsy Lohans

      http://yeeeah.com/2009/04/14/lindsay-lohans-funny-...


      C. C. Riter 7 years ago

      Bo, is that you and your dog playing frisbee?


      1964human profile image

      1964human 7 years ago from Smallville Kansas Author

      CC ,

      Nice to see you. I hadn't talked to anyone in days. I had begun to think you had all forgotten me now that my 15 minutes of fame is over. LOL And yes that's me and my dog "kid" he really is athletic. Best frisbie dog I ever had. He is getting old now, he's 9 but he can still jump with the best of them!


      C. C. Riter 7 years ago

      Woo-hoo, yer hawt! too bad that towel is in the way of the uh, er, legs. I'm talkin to ya, I can't helpt it that you works so hard.


      1964human profile image

      1964human 7 years ago from Smallville Kansas Author

      AAAWWW Thanks~! I shouldn't complain. It's all that work that keep my uh..er.. legs "athletic"! I hear you, I hear you, can I bring you a beer?


      C. C. Riter 7 years ago

      I'll just have that beer now, it's cereal right? good morning beautiful. and a Woo-hoo to ya too


      1964human profile image

      1964human 7 years ago from Smallville Kansas Author

      CC,

      Good morning and of course for your cereal. I was going to have to leave for work but I was just looking at adsense and I made $.04 !! Wooppie! Now I can retire comfortably!


      C. C. Riter 7 years ago

      Wow! all that. LOL Well you have a good day now luv see ya later and dont' be so long talkin to me. you can mail me anytime too


      1964human profile image

      1964human 7 years ago from Smallville Kansas Author

      C.C.,

      Even when I can't write, I'm thinking of you! HUGS


      C. C. Riter 7 years ago

      Oh my. I like that. thanks woo-hoo


      1964human profile image

      1964human 7 years ago from Smallville Kansas Author

      I haven't been home, how are all our favorite hubbers today? What is in the spotlight today, I'm reading one of MindFields right now, it is really good "stop the stress" Great tips. I've read a few of the addicted to hubpages blogs, I can relate! LOL I sure have a good time on here.


      Rob 5 years ago

      All this is obvious


      i for got my name 5 years ago

      stupid


      Ric 3 years ago

      Hi Bo

      After reading your hub, I now realize there should be one more question! On a first date, how nervous are you on a scale from 1-10? Of course this would purely be for the benefit of the suitor so he or she would know how to make things more comfortable for you.


      summer 17 months ago

      accepted the challenge baby

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