First Date Tips for Men of all Ages

First Date Nerves
First Date Nerves | Source

Poor Little Lamb!

Now we all know that men are big, macho guys. They can face anything that is thrown at them, because they are the big strong, male species. On a First Date They never get nervous, they never even flinch when someone says something embarrassing, or throw a wobbly in front of them. I am Man, hear me roar! Well, in fact what we have got here is more of a whimper than a roar.That's right. You heard me. Men are cowards, I say, cowards where women are concerned!

In front of their mates they preen and swagger, giving it the old, 'Yeah, I asked her out, and of course she said yes, its me your talking to, what else do you expect?' Then they swagger off, getting as far away from their friends as possible, and the second they get home they hide in their bedroom and bury their heads under the covers shivering in fear.

We ladies know its true, so don't you dare deny it! Those famous words First Date are rushing around your brain like a bee on a motorcycle. You start to sweat and panic because you realise that actually you forgot to buy that new aftershave that you wanted. And have you got deodorant? No? More panic, and then the possibility of hyperventilating because you are taking in too much air.

Relax guys! Don't worry, it will work out. Honestly.

Now, we can all laugh at this senario, but you have to remember that women go through it too. And the funny thing is, those horrible feelings of panic may be aimed at the younger guys, but never ever believe that it can only happen to them. Oh no. Here's the secret. Older men feel it too!

Mind you, I doubt that they boast to their mates then head for their bedroom, kicking dirty socks out of the way, but you never know. Each to their own. So here are a Few Tips For Men. And take notice, because it may make the difference between getting a new relationship, or sinking without trace back into the mire called real life. Work, friends, scrabble, home, and bed. On your own. Lonely. And sad.



Waiting for her First Date
Waiting for her First Date | Source

Never be Late on your First Date

So, listen up guys. If there is one thing that drives a girl mad, its being late. Even if its only five minutes, never ever, and I repeat ever be late. In fact be early. Why? Because if you are planning on meeting in a public place like a restaurant, or cinema, the woman always wants to see you standing there first.

Whether she is walking, or driving her car, her eyes will be super glued to that main entrance, trying to pick you out. The reason is that she will be nervous but excited. She expects you to know all the protocols, in other words, have nice manners. You are her pillar, the sturdy rock on which she may well hang her hopes and dreams on. Are you getting it yet? IT'S A TEST! for goodness sake, wake up! If you fail this first test, its over, nil, zippo, gone. Floundering like a dead fish in a dirty pond!

Nice smelling man!
Nice smelling man! | Source

What's That 'Orrible Smell?

Women love the smell of men. It's a fact. Scientists have proved that women and men, flare their nostrils when walking past a nice smelling person. let's get technical for a moment. Pheromones. Yes those lovely little things that every body has. Why do you think that ugly people get gorgeous dates? It may well be their personality, but on a subtle level, its all to do with hormones.

So, now we have got that straight, why do men always forget that?! Answer the question, damn you! This isn't just aimed at the younger male of the species, it can be an older guy that gets this wrong too.

Whatever you do, do not, and I repeat do not, ever smother yourself in that 'orrible spray can stuff. It is revolting! People have died through breathing in that stuff! Fact! You cannot hide the smell of sweat with a bucket full of aftershave or a ton of smellies. Do you know, women can smell that clingy alcohol based ozone killing spray a mile away? It clings to the throat, and leaves an aftertaste that takes about a week to get rid of! There is nothing worse than getting down wind of an adolescent spotty youth covered in male perfume! Stinks, I say, stinks!

Soap and water. That's the best thing. Have a shower, make sure you dry all your lovely little bits and pieces, otherwise it makes the deoderant run down your arms and stick to your clothes, yuck! and then just add a splash of aftershave. A splash, not the whole friggin bottle! Got that? Good!

Smelly Socks
Smelly Socks | Source

Clothing and I mean clean!

Now that you smell all sweet and clean, do not, I repeat do not just pick up your jeans from the floor and put them on again! It's a no no! Lay out the clothes that you are going to wear the day before, or if its a rush date, earlier in the day. Iron them, put them on hangers and don't forget clean socks. Women can smell sweaty feet from as far away as Texas. Unless they live in Texas, then Canada. That's far enough! Crusty old socks are a real sicky. Oh, and don't forget to cut your toe nails just in case you get lucky! Women notice that too!

Source

Flowers and Chocolates.

Now we all know the protocol. Get date, turn up, and thrust a bunch of flowers under her nose. Or chocolates, whatever floats your boat. But there's one thing wrong with this idea. Make sure that you think it out first. If you are going to meet her at home, then flowers and chocs are a good idea, they break the ice, And while she is fluffing around trying to find a vase that isn't cracked, or covered in dirt in the back garden, this will give you time to adjust your tie, comb your hair or just take a breath. We all know for a fact that meeting someone for the first time, makes you gasp and wheeze, and suck in small gulps of air because you forgot that the natural thing is to relax. So, great idea. But not if you are meeting her outside.

Where is she supposed to stick the flowers? Don't answer that! but seriously, come on guys, you are standing outside the theatre, and there is nowhere to put them. Think! If this is the case then chocolates are the better option, at least you can leave them in your car and give them to her later. Unless its hot. Then they will be a globulus mess, oozing down your nice new seat covers, and congealing in a pool on the floor. One word for that. Sticky. So, never take anything with you unless you agree to meet at her house.

Last but not least!

Now you are there. The date is going well. You smile in all the right places, laugh at her jokes, even if they aren't funny or you don't understand them, and the night is shiny and new. So here's just a few things that you must remember. Don't worry, the nagging is over. This is just a few after thoughts that came to mind.

Don't pick your nose! I don't care if it really is necessary, and that itch is just not going away, don't! Ever! If you want the woman to jump out of the chair and rush for the entrance like super girl on speed, then whatever you do, KEEP YOUR HANDS AWAY FROM YOUR FACE!

Do not scratch your crutch! I know they are new trousers, or pants, but I don't care. ALL ORIFICES ARE OFF LIMITS. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?

If you have a laugh that's a cross between a donkey and a gorilla, just smile and politely giggle in a manly way.

Offer to pay for the meal. Don't be tight. These days, a woman will automatically offer to pay half, but always offer first. If she doesn't give you some money towards the meal, don't glare at her and look at your watch! Manners maketh the man!

And finally, and this one is important so take note, when you get back to her place to drop her off home, never leap on her like a mating gorilla, always kiss her on the cheek and say goodnight. This way she will see you as a man of mystery. And you never know, she might just invite you in for coffee!

I am sure I have missed some important details, but I think this is enough to be getting on with!

So, Hopefully this will have sunk in! If you take notice of my expert advice, yes I said expert! then these First Date Tips for Men should help you on your way to having a great relationship.

Unless you have a strange and bizarre habit of course, something like fishing naked in a public park, but that's another story.........!

Copyright Nell Rose

-

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Comments 87 comments

Mcham Law profile image

Mcham Law 5 years ago from Round Rock, Texas

good hub. I enjoyed the tips at the end.


rorshak sobchak 5 years ago

Ha ha I enjoyed this hub. Keep up the great work!


Cardisa profile image

Cardisa 5 years ago from Jamaica

Nell, I just love you!

I couldn't stop laughing, but seriously some men don't know these things.

I agree with all your tips especially the being early and the one about taking a shower. There is nothing more sexy than the natural smell of a man so long as it's a clean smell.


PDXBuys profile image

PDXBuys 5 years ago from Oregon

Humorous, but all of this is superficial. Appearances are nice, but if the woman has no interest in a man's mind or how he feels about things... it won't last long. Been there, done that, as the cliché goes.


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 5 years ago from England Author

Hi, Mcham Law, thanks for reading it, this is based on truth but of course no man would be this bad! or would he? lol


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 5 years ago from England Author

Hi, rorshak, I am sure that you would never do any of these things! ha ha thanks so much for reading, cheers nell


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 5 years ago from England Author

Hi, Cardisa, I am sure we have all had dates like this! lol I know I have! thanks again, nell


Alastar Packer profile image

Alastar Packer 5 years ago from North Carolina

Nell theres nothing I'd like better than to comment on every part of this article; but won't be a spoiler for this spot on and humorous take you've put together on tips for men on a first date as seen from a woman's view. Except to ask you this. What's a man really supposed to do when that unbearable itch hits in the presence of lady that is turning him on? Yes I know, a question for the ages..LOL. Triple tack Nell on a most enjoyable, informative and just plain out super Hub!


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 5 years ago from England Author

Hi, PDX, I agree, but this was really about first impressions, if we can't get past that then there is no hope for a second date! lol thanks nell


Wesman Todd Shaw profile image

Wesman Todd Shaw 5 years ago from Kaufman, Texas

LOL! I'm like George on Seinfeld - if everything I've ever tried was wrong, then I must need to do everything that I would have thought was wrong - as it's obviously the right thing to do!

LOL!

I think I just lose period - except when I don't try at all.


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 5 years ago from England Author

Hi, Alastar, never thought of that! lol Umm, let me think! maybe go to the little boys room.....?! ha ha thanks for reading, cheers nell


WillStarr profile image

WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

Great stuff, and funny because it's so true!


brakel2 profile image

brakel2 5 years ago from Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

Hi Nell. You outdid yourself on this one with honest funny advice Brilliant descriptions top off the article. I love your sense of humor in all articles They make a good read. Candy or flowers are great suggestions. I must not live right as I never received either except for proms. Keep those articles coming our way


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 5 years ago from England Author

Hi, Will, yes its true! ha ha but I love men to pieces so that's okay, these days I would put up with a smile, even if he did have some bad manners! not the horrible ones though! lol thanks again

Hi, brake12, thanks! I try and put a bit of humour in it, but to be fair men are funny without my help! ha ha thanks for reading, cheers nell


prasetio30 profile image

prasetio30 5 years ago from malang-indonesia

Very inspiring hub, Nell. I can't wait any longer for my first date. But unfortunately I still wait and wait. You have wonderful tips about first date for men. I really impressed with this. I'll use your tips if the time has come. I'll press all button here. Up and useful. Have a nice weekend. Cheers....

Love and peace,


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 5 years ago from England Author

Hi, pras, don't worry, your date will come soon! and thank you for reading, hope all the ideas help! lol have a great weekend too! cheers nell


always exploring profile image

always exploring 5 years ago from Southern Illinois

HaHaHa, I laughed all the way through this, believe me, they are all no no's Cute as a button Nell.


christopheranton profile image

christopheranton 5 years ago from Gillingham Kent. United Kingdom

That was good. Very funny as well. Really true to life. Men would ignore your advice at their peril.

Thank you for your wise words.


CMHypno profile image

CMHypno 5 years ago from Other Side of the Sun

Funny but true hub Nell. One big laundry tip for men is that they tend not to dry their clothes properly and so they get that awful musty smell - gross! Guys, wet clothes need to be hung out immediately, not all scrunched up together on an airer, and dried fairly quickly.


Eiddwen profile image

Eiddwen 5 years ago from Wales

Hi Nell,

This didn't just give mae a smile ,it made me laugh out loud !!

You are a gem and your writing just seems to get better and better.

Carry on writing and I will carry on reading.

Take care

Eiddwen.


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