Fixing A Broken Heart (After The Loving...)

Break ups can be devastating, like you don't want to wake up to another day... but life goes on, the only choice you have is to let the sun shine in...
Break ups can be devastating, like you don't want to wake up to another day... but life goes on, the only choice you have is to let the sun shine in...

I just can’t help but feel some pity for someone I saw on the news days ago. He killed himself for having some troubles with his girlfriend. A friend who was watching with me at that time laughed and said that he’s crazy, for how could he kill himself just for having a broken heart?

Some people may react different ways about the idea of having a broken heart because of failed relationships. At most, especially if you are not the one suffering from it, you may think that the broken hearted’s feelings will just go away in just a click. Some people may feel so depressed and may even result to self directed hatred and worst of all, suicide.

In reality, no matter how we react on it, having a broken heart can be devastating. It can rob you off your self worth and you could find yourself struggling so hard that you may fail to live normally like you used to.

Let’s face the fact that failed relationship where in we have to lose someone is like dealing with death and dying. Not every one of us is equipped with so much ability to adjust and bounce back like nothing had happened. Aside from that, as long as we keep a relationship, we invest on our emotions and time for the one we love. We sacrifice many things just to be with him or even cope with his expectations and demands just to find ourselves in the middle of nowhere when the relationship dies.

Truly, broken hearts can also mean broken dreams and broken promises. As soon as we lose the one we love, we have to face life without him. Here are a few ways to mend a broken heart and somehow ease the pain.

  •  On the first day after the break up and within a week:

1. Cry as much as you need to. You may refrain from doing the routine that you do everyday. Take some time off from work or school. Do what you like at home or anywhere that you feel like going. If you feel like sleeping all day, do it. Indulge with your comfort food while you cry and sob as much as you need to.

2. Call a trusted friend to talk to. Talk all about your hurts and how you feel. Pour out all the emotions that are inside you. You can ask your friend to be with you to watch some movie, or rent a DVD of your favorite movie so that you can watch it in the privacy of your home. You can choose from comedy to movies that may make you cry. Surprising as it may seem, but watching some sad movies during a hard time may also help in the healing process.

3. Accept the reality that your relationship that you thought would last did not work out. And appreciate the fact that you are now heart broken for once in your life, you fell in love. It does not necessarily mean that once you have accepted this fact, you are healed from a broken heart. Acknowledge how the pain is hurting you so bad at the moment.

4. Pray as much as you need to and as long as you feel like doing it. No matter where you are, if you feel the urge to pray, pray from the heart. Cry out loud in prayer that you can make it through the grieving process.

  • After a week:

1. Make sure that on this day, you have acknowledged the fact that you have lost someone that you hold dear in your heart. Start and try to socialize again even if you don’t feel like doing it at this moment. Make sure that you don’t cry as often as the days after the break up.

2. Express how you feel through your journal or as always, talk to a trusted friend or love one.

3. Go out of town to change your environment. This will minimize you from missing your ex. Staying on the same place and having a chance to pass by a place where you both used to spend time together may cause you to miss him even more. Your working place or school may also be one of the places where you think of him all the more for it is where he fetches you or where you meet everyday.

4. Listen to relaxing music or even to love songs. Some may make you cry but after that, you may feel better.

5. Do a hobby that you have been longing to spend more time on.

6. Call your ex if you feel like calling him, but if fighting with him is a possibility, DON’T CALL AT ALL. If you need to tell him some things but are not sure if it will only cause a fight, try writing it on your journal or compose a letter for him but NEVER mail it. The most vital thing at this moment is that you can bring out all your feelings and say all sorts of hurtful words that you long to say whether he will know them or not.

7. Remove everything that he has given you like love letters or any keepsakes from your sight. You can throw or burn them or just give away the keepsakes. However, if you don’t feel like doing this, just keep them away from your sight so that you will not be tempted to look at them over and over again and you won’t be reminded of your ex often.

  • …. And onwards:

1. You can always do what you have done in the past week, but make sure not to attempt to call your ex anymore no matter what.

2. Never stop surrounding your self with people and friends that emphasize the positive in your life.

3. Start pampering your self, go to the gym and start a balanced diet. This will not only boost the production of your feel good hormones which are helpful in keeping the blues away, but it will also make you look better as you reach your ideal weight. On the other hand, balanced diet will also help you have better looking skin.

4. Take time to relax, visit the spa and your favorite salon. Do a beauty make over if you wish.

5. Start going on a date when you feel like it.

6. Socialize in a positive way – never drink alcohol or use drugs to “forget”.

7. Surround yourself with people who helps you to forget your ex and keep away from people who gives you false hope about winning your ex back.

8. Learn ways to keep yourself from remembering your ex. Every time he/ she enter your mind, divert your thoughts to other things.

Let a broken heart bring out the best you got...

Things to keep in mind:

1. Never blame your self or your ex for a failed relationship. Keep in mind that there are things and people that come in our life. Each has their own role- some may last a lifetime and some may just linger for a short span of time. But no matter what kind of role that they have played, they are part of what and who you become, and it is up for you to make the most out of an experience may it be good or bad. You drive your own life in your own perspective. As long as you focus on the positive in every aspect of your life, you can always make it wonderful. IT IS ALWAYS YOUR CHOICE to emphasize the POSITIVE.

2. You are not alone who suffers a broken heart. Millions and billions out there are struggling to mend as you do. Do not let self pity linger too long that it alters your day to day life.

3. Failing to keep a relationship does not mean that you are less of a person. Don’t let it affect your self worth, no matter who brought up the idea of breaking up first.

4. Learn to forgive your ex, but most of all, forgive your self.

5. Do not rush into another relationship just to cope with a broken heart or just to show your ex that you can replace him/ her in a minute. You will just hurt your self much more.

6. Healing and forgiveness is a slow step by step process, if you like to build a friendship with your ex, be sure that you have healed and truly forgive. Do not offer friendship if you have a secret agenda like winning him/ her back.

7. Do not expect a romantic relationship to bounce back out of “friendship”. If you really like to be your friend’s ex, be a REAL FRIEND who can establish a platonic relationship.

8. Once you and your ex are friends again, NEVER attempt to ruin his/ her new romantic relationship. Learn to be happy for him/ her.

9. If you feel and think that you can’t be a real friend to your ex, don’t keep close and stop any form of communication.

10. NEVER rely on others to mend your broken heart. Put your own heart back into pieces, it does not matter if it has an empty space and new scars, because it means that you learned how to give and take. Once you have done this, you will be ready to love again without hurtful feelings and you will be happier than you can ever imagine.

11. Be thankful, for once in your life, you have been hurt for loving. You are human, and you had the courage to open your self to love and be hurt and some how learned and become more sturdy. At least, you can be better next time you learn to love again.

12. Break- ups can be a form of liberation. You become free of a relationship that is no longer working to help you become a better person, and you finally have the chance to do things that you were not able to do because you used to have no time for them or your ex may not have allowed you to do.

13. People and things affect you in a way that you allow them to. If you ruin your life just because of a failed relationship, NEVER blame your ex, because as always, it is always YOU who control your life. Be courageous to enforce the good, most especially in the most difficult time. And keep in mind that the ONLY way to do this is to keep praying and entrusting your life to HIM who loved you even before your time.

These are just a few of the many ways to mend your broken heart. There is really no uniform time frame in healing, cry if you must as much as you do but never fail to aspire to stop crying and believe that when something ends, life gives you a chance for a new beginning to be better and to explore things that you have not done before. Keep in mind that when you open your self to love, you must be ready to be hurt. For the ones who hurt us the most are the people we hold most dear in our hearts. It is not because they don’t care much, but it is because we expect more from them. But as much as we are imperfect, they too are not perfect. This is the very reason why there is a point when we just can’t cope up anymore and believe that we could be better in separate ways.

Lastly, keep reminding yourself that you may long so much to keep people and things in your life, but you will not be able to keep them all. For sometimes, the things and people that we dream of having for life are not always meant to be. We may know what we like but we may not always know what we need. Sometimes, we suffer much for liking what we don’t need. Just live life and move on, for God knows what and who you really need. In HIS time, you will just realize that you are really happy because finally you have what you’ve been needing all your life.

Time heals all wounds... but it is always your choice when to heal. What matters is that you mend all wounds and live again.


Copyright by DjBryle Works, 2010 (ALL RIGHTS RESERVED AND AUTHORIZED BY LAW)

Photo credits: Danilo Rizzuti/Freedigitalphotos.net

Tina Phillips/Freedigitalphotos.net

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Comments 39 comments

Cris A profile image

Cris A 6 years ago from Manila, Philippines

This is so thorough and helpful in all aspects, it seems you did not leave a stone unturned! So much so that I would like to request for my hub to be pulled out from here! Haha I jest of course.

Two thumbs up for this, way waaay up!


DjBryle profile image

DjBryle 6 years ago from Somewhere in the LINES of your MIND, and HOPEFULLY at the RIPPLES of your HEART. =) Author

lol! Thanks Cris... but I think my hub won't be complete without the link of your hub. Yours is such an original that you showed how to cope with a broken heart in a humorous way- which is difficult to do. I won't pull out that link... no matter what you do! lol! =)

Thanks for dropping by... it is such a blessing to know that a great hubber visits my hubs. =) All the best!


getmyback 6 years ago

Thank you

enjoyed the read

meaning the writing

thank you

billY


DjBryle profile image

DjBryle 6 years ago from Somewhere in the LINES of your MIND, and HOPEFULLY at the RIPPLES of your HEART. =) Author

Thanks, Billy, it means a lot! =)


James A Watkins profile image

James A Watkins 6 years ago from Chicago

This is a fine article. I have been devastated by love lost many times and I have caused others to feel this way a few times. You offer excellent advice. Thank you.


DjBryle profile image

DjBryle 6 years ago from Somewhere in the LINES of your MIND, and HOPEFULLY at the RIPPLES of your HEART. =) Author

Thanks James! It means a lot to be appreciate by a great hubber like you =) God bless!


RedElf profile image

RedElf 6 years ago from Canada

You have certainly covered every aspect thoroughly. Thanks for sharing this caring and useful piece.


Marky 6 years ago

It is really difficult to move on after a failed relationship. I really felt devastated when I have given my all to someone and yet nothing happened. But I know past is past,I still thank her today because despite the pains, I know that I have learned and we both have our own happy life right now. This hub is awesome and useful.


DjBryle profile image

DjBryle 6 years ago from Somewhere in the LINES of your MIND, and HOPEFULLY at the RIPPLES of your HEART. =) Author

Thanks so much RedElf and Marky, for dropping by and for appreciating this hub. God bless! =)


Money Glitch profile image

Money Glitch 6 years ago from Texas

Great advice on how to start mending a broken heart. It's funny how at the time one's heart is broken an individual feels as though they will never love again. Thanks goodness there are steps that one can take to get back on track and love again. :)


DjBryle profile image

DjBryle 6 years ago from Somewhere in the LINES of your MIND, and HOPEFULLY at the RIPPLES of your HEART. =) Author

Thanks for dropping by MG! Your kind appreciation means a lot. =) God bless!


FirstStepsFitness profile image

FirstStepsFitness 6 years ago

Very good advice so many of us forget it's a process :)


DjBryle profile image

DjBryle 6 years ago from Somewhere in the LINES of your MIND, and HOPEFULLY at the RIPPLES of your HEART. =) Author

Thanks FirtsSteps for the kind words and for dropping by! See you around! =)


queen cleopatra profile image

queen cleopatra 6 years ago

I've read this quotation somewhere: "No one has ever loved anyone the way everyone wants to be loved." And I interpret this as: "Do not look for your self in other people." If you love someone more than he/she loves you... well, that's your problem. haha Kidding aside, I think the song "The Greatest Love of All" said it all. Learn to love yourself first...


DjBryle profile image

DjBryle 6 years ago from Somewhere in the LINES of your MIND, and HOPEFULLY at the RIPPLES of your HEART. =) Author

lol! Yeah sure thing... it's your own problem if you love someone much more than you love your self... On the other side, I don't believe on that, for how could one love someone when he does not have love for himself. lol! Thanks for dropping by! =)


hubpageswriter 6 years ago

One of the best advice ever which is never to rely on others. Great hub.


DjBryle profile image

DjBryle 6 years ago from Somewhere in the LINES of your MIND, and HOPEFULLY at the RIPPLES of your HEART. =) Author

Hubpageswriter: Thanks so much for always having those kind words to share with me! See you around! =)


Micky Dee profile image

Micky Dee 6 years ago

Oh my! I think mine was totaled! God bless!


DjBryle profile image

DjBryle 6 years ago from Somewhere in the LINES of your MIND, and HOPEFULLY at the RIPPLES of your HEART. =) Author

Micky: Thanks for spending time again with my hub... Having those kind and thoughtful comments from is an honor! See you around! =)


Peggy W profile image

Peggy W 6 years ago from Houston, Texas

Good advice to take to heart when and if it is ever necessary. You have obviously put much time and thought into this hub and it shows.


DjBryle profile image

DjBryle 6 years ago from Somewhere in the LINES of your MIND, and HOPEFULLY at the RIPPLES of your HEART. =) Author

@Peggy: Thanks so much for always inspiring me my friend. I am so blessed for having the chance to meet you at HP. =) See you around!


prasetio30 profile image

prasetio30 6 years ago from malang-indonesia

I learn much from you. My heart can't stay away from you as my good friend. I know we need this to fix a broken heart. Vote up. Take care!

Prasetio


DjBryle profile image

DjBryle 6 years ago from Somewhere in the LINES of your MIND, and HOPEFULLY at the RIPPLES of your HEART. =) Author

@Prasetio: Hey! I am so happy to learn that you consider me as your friend! I feel privileged for that, my friend. Thanks for the vote! Here's a big CHEERS for our new friendship! Take care too! =)


acaetnna profile image

acaetnna 6 years ago from Guildford

I just can't imagine what it must feel like to have one's heart broken, I mean truly broken. I guess I did suffer from that once but that was in my young teens when I thought I had lost my new found love forever. Great tips here DjBryle, thank you.


DjBryle profile image

DjBryle 6 years ago from Somewhere in the LINES of your MIND, and HOPEFULLY at the RIPPLES of your HEART. =) Author

@acaetnna: Thanks for dropping by again my friend and for hopping on mu hubs! =)


milyn@yahoo.com 6 years ago

letting go is such a process..we have to be strong enuf to embrace the pain..cry out loud...express to the whole wide world wat you feel..and after that..you'll see urclf..smiling..


DjBryle profile image

DjBryle 6 years ago from Somewhere in the LINES of your MIND, and HOPEFULLY at the RIPPLES of your HEART. =) Author

That's true Milyn. Thanks for dropping by... =)


Maria Cecilia profile image

Maria Cecilia 6 years ago from Philippines

having my heart broken was once the darkest part of my life and I am glad I am not feeling it anymore hahaha.. I guess the worst effect of it to me was when I lost interest in things that I love, I guess the only thing I never lost in myself then was my love for my dogs... but you know disappointments and falling apart have different effects to different people...but I guess you are right time heals all wounds, if only one is willing to wait....the last time I had my heart broken, I thought I will be forever sad until i die, now everyday of my life I always realized how wrong I was...I never thought I could be as happy as I am now..


DjBryle profile image

DjBryle 6 years ago from Somewhere in the LINES of your MIND, and HOPEFULLY at the RIPPLES of your HEART. =) Author

I am so glad to know that you are happy now miss Macel. Well, why not? You have all the reasons to be happy. I have read your hub about "Footsteps"... it made me cry and feel so blessed to know that HE will always be there for us. You are such an amazing and extraordinary woman. Stay happy! Kisses to Peso, and hugs for you! =)


Moon Dancer 5 years ago

Very well written and I loved the song, it was my tears that fall, in a good way:)

Your story reminded me about how I felt last year. A broken heart can and will be healed. It's so to say to let it out, let it go and in time it be better and to have someone to talk to is good since then you don't have to hold it inside yourself, because that can be very bad.

Cya soon again and keep the good writing up. I love to read it all.

Peace and Love :)


gr82bme profile image

gr82bme 5 years ago from USA

My daughter is going through this right now. I will share.


gr82bme profile image

gr82bme 5 years ago from USA

Dj, I really do like you and the comments you leave,but I DO NOT follow people who censor their comments. If you have read my profile it is said right there.

I feel if someone takes the time to read and comment on your hub, you should have the same consideration and let their comment or opinion show

Tina


DjBryle profile image

DjBryle 5 years ago from Somewhere in the LINES of your MIND, and HOPEFULLY at the RIPPLES of your HEART. =) Author

Hey, TINA... I am so sorry it took me a long time to show your comment here on my page. I have been having a very hectic schedule lately and it's only now that I had the time to go online at HP. I don't allow comments to appear automatically at my hubs because I had a really bad experience about this matter in the past. I received a malicious and really disrespectful comment on one of my hubs and so many people have read it before I was able to deny its appearance because I don't log in at HP so often. I hope you understand. My apologies to you, my friend! Take care and thanks so much for stopping by again. God bless!


DjBryle profile image

DjBryle 5 years ago from Somewhere in the LINES of your MIND, and HOPEFULLY at the RIPPLES of your HEART. =) Author

Moon Dancer- Thanks for the kind words, my friend. You are a courageous woman. Take loads of care and God bless!


Astra Nomik profile image

Astra Nomik 5 years ago from Edge of Reality and Known Space

This is the best hub about break-ups I ever read, and best article I ever read on break-ups. You are a genius. Total respect for you. I have had my share of break ups and been through a lot of what you describe above, though with some differences. But love is love, and crosses many streams and we have to move on and get on with life. I can relate to a lot of this. And it a great hub. You deserve a prize for this. Excellent. Thank you so much.


..happy.. 5 years ago from philippines

i cried when reading your advices.. feeling of a broken heart is so hard.. but i know it will make me a stronger person.. hope i can get thorough these stage.. more advices please.. it can help me a lot.. thank you very much


 5 years ago

nice hub.. i can relate to it.. more advices please.. it can help me a lot.. thank you..


Adeno 5 years ago

This is absolutely what i needed to read right at this moment,going through this helped me construct my mind..Thank you so very much!! they are just the perfect word and advices.


lifesagame profile image

lifesagame 4 years ago

Just read - very good straight to the point ) thanks

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