Follow my journey into Internet Dating

I've decided to venture into the unknown world of Internet dating. I'd like to share with you my experiences and observations both good and bad....

I'm actually feeling quite comfortable on my own at the moment. I split up from a five month relationship a couple of months ago. After two weeks of us splitting up, he started going out with a girl I used to teach! She is only 20 (he's 40) and I used to talk to her mother at parent's evenings! I could either have a midlife crisis and lament the loss of the relationship or thank my lucky stars that I got away when I did with such a shallow and vain man. I went for the latter option.

My taste and luck with men is notorious! My best friend tells me it's my 'Heathcliff' infatuation or rather my continual quest to find passion and romance with no practicality! I've always been fiercely defensive about such observations but maybe she has a point? I've always been attracted to the cliched 'Bad boy' which has always ended in tears. I have relented at times and followed the advice of well meaning friends and family. I had a couple of relationships with 'nice', 'stable' men but was bored to tears and couldn't get away fast enough.

My attempts at relationships have been disastrous so far so perhaps I need to move with the times and give internet dating a bash. My first impression has not been a dazzling one. There seems to be a huge percentage of the male population that can't spell, can't punctuate, love football and (this is the worst) love 'going the gym'. Christ, they wouldn't know what grammar was if it bit them on their gym inflated backsides! Am I too fussy? Maybe, but things like this irk me so. It's hardly the grounds for a beautiful and fulfilling relationship!

Perhaps i'm searching for someone that doesn't exist? I'm 40 but don't want children. I've always much preferred animals! It's not like my biological clock is ticking away. I know my own mind and have fabulous friends. I'm not desperate to be in a couple, but would like to share times with a like minded person that knows how I feel. I've been in relationships like this before where I felt fulfilled and content. They have sadly, gone so horribly wrong that for a number of years I thought I was destined to an eternity of singledom.

I went for the affordable option, 'Plenty of Fish' which is free. I realise that I will probably only find a few men I could get on with as everyone is going to pick that site as their first choice. There will most likely be sifting through lots of unsuitable men to find any decent ones! I am out of work at the moment and can not afford a monthly subscription. I don't even know if I want a relationship yet but I don't suppose i'll know until I meet the right person. I like the idea of going out on a date, intelligent conversation, good laughs and just enjoying being out there again.

With some trepidation, I checked my inbox this morning, three messages! The first man was quite dashing, tall and dark and didn't live too far from me but far enough if you catch my drift.
Sighing with relief, I read his profile. My sigh then became one of disappointment! I know i'm a grammar nazi but I can't help it! He said he wanted to 'meet ppl'. Not only is it a rather banal statement. Obviously, or he wouldn't be on here! I loathe text speak, it's lazy. It really doesn't take long to write 'People', shortening everything reminds me of marking endless illiterate english essays whilst losing the will to live!

His message read and I quote, "You have. Beautiful smile." Oh dear, this really didn't bode welI. I don't know why I bothered but I looked at his pictures again and horrified, noticed something even worse than his appalling use of grammar! On two of the pictiures I saw the stuff of nightmares, he was wearing crocs! Crocs should be banned in my opinion, they are hideous. If I hear one more person say 'but they're comfy', I may well explode! There are several comfortable footwear options which don't make your feet resemble storm troopers! I had to force myself to read on.

The second message read 'Hi, how r u?', I didn't bother to read on. The third was from a mature gentleman stating 'I can't believe you like people watching, I like to watch too, It'd really turn me on to watch you!' Can you believe it! My hope for meeting anyone intelligent, with decent fashion sense who isn't a pervert on here is diminishing rapidly! I know it's only been one day but looking through some of the profiles, the horizon is looking rather on the bleak side!

I realise that at the beginning of this hub, I said i'd share my experiences with you both good and bad. There doesn't seem to have been any good points so far. I suppose you get an ego boost if someone finds you attractive but so far, the bad outweighs the good. Snuggling up with my Cats with a damn good book is looking more tempting by the minute! Maybe i'm better off on my own after all......

Copyright © Tara Carbery


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bac2basics profile image

bac2basics 4 years ago from Spain

Hi Tara. Oh dear, not a very promising start, crocs and perverts !!

Do yourself a favour though love and steer clear of the bad boys. There are nice men out there who aren´t boring, I was married to one for years. Good luck in your search to find Mr right for you. I hope you don´t have to kiss too many frogs before you find your prince. ;)

billybuc profile image

billybuc 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

Tara, welcome to the show that never stops. I tried it for several years, and I actually met several nice women, but I also met a woman who said that Jesus was in her pants and spoke to her. I'm afraid one of those will turn you off for quite some time. :)

Best of luck to you; I am happy that you are trying to meet new people and move on beyond James. That, to me, is a good sign.

Have a wonderful weekend my friend!

wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 4 years ago from Southern California

Tara: I loved your humor and cute story-- reminds me of myself a few months ago. Only, I actually put up with the online dating Twilight Zone for much longer. If I got to meet a guy (and out of hundreds of messages, that was only about 4-5 men in several months), I'd find out he's really just looking for a milf to pass the time. Yuck!

If you don't like the insanity quote, I suggest you go the old fashioned way, and socialize. Online dating is like the singles bars for guys who are too cheap to buy you a drink, and lack communication skills. Bad English? I know what you mean, but that could still be a charming guy. The ones in my neck of the woods are mostly tattooed, smoke, pierced, unemployed and 420 friendly. Ahhhhh! No thanks!

I'm not desperate for being in a couple either, and like you, companionship is all I miss. I'm patient, but I won't waste more time with man-boys online. I have more important things to do with my time. My best wishes to you-- hopefully we both will just find love when we least expect it.

Peanutritious profile image

Peanutritious 4 years ago from Cheshire, UK Author

Wow! I went to the gym for an hour of body combat and come back and find not one but three comments! I'm well chuffed!

bac2basics, Tell me about it! Crocs and pervs! Maybe the man wearing the crocs was a perv too! Yuk! I actually do want a nice man. I didn't always consciously go for 'bad boys' I just seemed to be drawn to men that promised me the earth but ended up breaking my heart. My last boyfriend seemed different to that and look how that turned out! I just want someone who loves me for who I am. I'm sick of mind games. I hope I don't have to kiss too many frogs too, or croc wearing perverts for that matter! Thanks for commenting, lovely to hear from you.

Peanutritious profile image

Peanutritious 4 years ago from Cheshire, UK Author

Bill! Lovely to hear from you. You really do get all sorts. It sounds shallow but some of them look so odd, then you read their profile and the only guy there with teeth who isn't cross eyed can't spell! I'll keep checking my messages, you never know but i'm not holding my breath! I'm off for a girly night round at a (single) friends house. She is totally happy being on her own and says she'd hate to change her routine to fit a guy into her life. She'd hate to have to share her comfy bed too which I can relate to. Have a fabulous weekend yourself!

Peanutritious profile image

Peanutritious 4 years ago from Cheshire, UK Author

Hi Wonderful1, I'm glad you enjoyed it and it gave you a laugh. I always try to see the funny side of things because it makes everything bearable somehow. I'm probably a bit evil but I find myself laughing out loud like a mad woman at some of the pictures and profiles! I do socialise but as many of my friends are out of work and can't afford to go out I don't tend to as much as I used to. Also, some of my friends have children so can't go out. I tend to go round to people's houses and have 'night's in' which I enjoy but i'm not going to meet anyone that way. Best of luck to you in your quest to find a decent bloke. Tara

Mellonyy profile image

Mellonyy 4 years ago

Very interesting story!

Peanutritious profile image

Peanutritious 4 years ago from Cheshire, UK Author

Hi Mellonyy, thanks! There really are some weird people out there. The only intelligent sounding message i've had is from a man who's cross eyed with hardly any teeth! Back to the drawing board!

leni sands profile image

leni sands 4 years ago from UK

My you have been busy - 3 more hubs since I last logged in. I enjoyed reading this and if I were you I'd steer clear of the on-line dating and stick to what you know and enjoy - socialising!! Keep up the good writing Tara, your fan club is growing.

Peanutritious profile image

Peanutritious 4 years ago from Cheshire, UK Author

Hi Leni, I just checked my inbox on POF out of curiosity and found a message from a 21 year old which said 'U R Horny'. Oh dear! There's some strange individuals in this world! Thanks for the vote of confidence though, i'm getting stuck in to my writing much more these days. Cheers.

Seekacougar profile image

Seekacougar 4 years ago

Actually more people prefer to age-gap romance, dating with older woman or younger man becomes normal, It is true that men tend to find older women to tolerant and support them. The cougar are more balanced emotionally and can even be protective at times. Men love to be nurtured by their lover, even mothered; this quality is rarely in women who are as old as them. Because they need to be preoccupied with their own career, so they need a person to care about their life and family. And older women can understand them. more information from seekacougar doc com

Peanutritious profile image

Peanutritious 4 years ago from Cheshire, UK Author

It seems to me that more men I know go for women half their age. I am yet to find a man in a relationship with a woman much older than himself.

Just_Rodney profile image

Just_Rodney 3 years ago from Johannesberg South Africa, The Gold Mine City

Well I too ended up on various dating sites, which were and are mostly scams sites. I ended up entering on some local chat rooms, as I live in South Africa I was not after Russian brides or the like. The main chatroom I was on, was filled with the usual perverts wierdos and others.

As a fellow peple watcher, I would in a manner, follow a persons threads and comments, as well the way she handled the come-ons of undesirable and unsavoury types.

Then I read there profiles, and if they sounded and made themselves sound interesting, then I would join in the banter on open chats before going on into private chatrooms.

I met a lot of interesting people that way, indeed there was a particular lady, with whom we could chat with for over several hours. After a month or nearly two, we actually met for coffee, which ened up as a dinner and a movie.

The rest is history, that was in 2002, we are married, and we still chat for hours, sometimes at a coffee bar, and find that three hours go by, as we talk, people warch, most important of all, we enjoy each others company.

So the Internet has its uses. Most new aquaintances and old ones were horrified when we told them how we met.

Peanutritious profile image

Peanutritious 3 years ago from Cheshire, UK Author

Hi Rodney, so sorry for late reply! I've not been on here much recently, i've been busy with an editing job. Thanks for your comment, it's so refreshing to hear a happy ending. I have friends who've found love on the internet. When you think about it, there's a lot to be said about writing/chatting to a person first and getting to know them rather than meet in a clinch in a sweaty club! You are bound to meet a lot or wrong 'uns first! So happy it's all worked out for you. You've restored my faith! All the best to you. Tara.

Just_Rodney profile image

Just_Rodney 3 years ago from Johannesberg South Africa, The Gold Mine City

That is not all, you should have heard the profits of doom voicing their opinions. I arrived at her workplace, bearing a bunch of Yellow Roses, her favourite, well that realy made them jealous!

I am sure that there was an office pool being run, as to how long this "fling" would last!

Well three years of courting and living together in her mothers house, we tied the knot.

There was no winner, they should have presented us with the pools takings, no such luck!

Peanutritious profile image

Peanutritious 3 years ago from Cheshire, UK Author

Hi Rodney, aw that's brilliant! I'm really happy for you. You did well living with your mother in law for three years too! All the best to you.

Redberry Sky profile image

Redberry Sky 3 years ago

Dating online or offline is a bloody nightmare! I once had a date that narrated everything I did. 'You're picking up your pint now,' he'd say, as I picked up my pint. 'You're dancing now,' he'd say, as I jumped up on down on the dancefloor (cos I'm ladylike, see?). The only good thing that ever came out of it was that the tale of it won me a competition for the world's worst date. I won a book about bad dates. Men - bah - you can't live with 'em, you can't live with 'em. Good luck finding love - and if you do, ask him if he has a friend for me :)

Peanutritious profile image

Peanutritious 3 years ago from Cheshire, UK Author

You know it's weird because I don't know if I actually want a relationship or not. I gave up on the online dating. Is it too much to ask for a man who can spell and enjoys reading?

I had a fling with a chap in the last couple of months who had seen me in the charity shop I work in. I was just thinking to myself 'Why do no good looking blokes come in here' then in he walked. Tall, muscular, lovely green eyes, long dark eyelashes and a gorgeous shaped head, a bit like Yul Bryner (swoon!)

He kept popping in and we kept eyeing each other up. I saw him speaking to a friend of mine and he asked her for my number. We starting seeing each other but despite him being so gorgeous and a really nice bloke I realised I didn't want to be in a relationship with anyone!

He still texts me every day asking if we can give it another go but I really hate losing my freedom. We just used to sit in his flat watching crap on television, he didn't want to go out or do anything. I need a bit more excitement than that.

It's weird you don't know what you want until you have it. I think i'm quite contrary and have high expectations but that's only because i've met so many losers in the past. I'm determined that I'd rather wait for the right one than just be with someone for the sake of it. I like the freedom of being my own person and doing the things I want to do.

Kathryn Stratford profile image

Kathryn Stratford 3 years ago from Manchester, Connecticut

This is a very funny post. And reading the comments, I am happy that you seem fairly content with not being in a relationship. When you have freedom, sometimes it is hard to part with it, especially if being around them isn't particularly interesting.

I used the internet before (although usually just out of curiosity). I had some creepy guys hit on me, some okay guys, and also my current boyfriend (we have been together for 4 years as of Friday). When I met my boyfriend, I was impressed with how he wrote (I have a pet-peeve about bad grammar, text-writing, and bad spelling, as well). I couldn't believe how well suited he was for me until we went on a few dates, and I realized none of it was an act!

Thanks for sharing this with us, and have a good night.

~ Kathryn

Peanutritious profile image

Peanutritious 3 years ago from Cheshire, UK Author

Kathryn, Thanks! I apologise for my dreadful tardiness. I've not been on here for so long! I'm so happy to hear you've got a good bloke now. Take care.

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