Follow your heart or follow your head?

Is there any logic when it comes to love?

Most people, if not everyone, come to a crossroads in life when you have 2 paths to choose from. The "heart" path or the "head" path.

The "heart" path is the path that doesn't make sense. It's illogical in nature. Everyone has heard the expression "love is blind." And that, my friends, is a true statement. People fall in love with other people that they should not fall in love with. People do things for love that aren't always the best decisions. Maybe you're a young man who has discovered that he is homosexual? Maybe you're 17 years old and the "love of your life" asks you to marry him. Or maybe you fall in love with someone when you're dating someone else. The illogical thing to do is to give in to your feelings and desires without caring about the consequence. Rarely there is no consequence. But, on the other side, you don't care about the consequences because to you, love and following your heart is the most important thing.

The "head" path is the path that is logical. You ignore the feelings in your soul for the sake of "doing the right thing." But, I ask, when is the right thing, the RIGHT thing? Just like people who follow their heart; people who follow their head don't always make the best decisions. These people are the people who end up regretting their decisions in the short and long term. If you're a young man and you ignore your homosexuality...you're going to end up unhappy. If you're 17 years old and the "love of your life" asks you to marry him and you say "no."..You'll always think about what might have been if you had said yes. The same goes for the person who falls for someone when they're with someone else.

Older people tend to follow their "heads" more often. They have important things to consider...especially if they have children. As much as you love your child or children, you have to realize that in the long-run, they are going to want you to be happy. This is something many of us struggle with. If you're single and dating, you tend to think "is this person good for me? Is this person good for my children?" Chances are, if they love you, they will love your children; in turn, making them a good match for you. Older people (like myself) need to stop thinking so damn much. But you have to keep in mind that love IS blind, and maybe you look over the fact that the person you love is hurting you in some way. It's a touchy and confusing subject...to say the least.

I've always been a "head person." I've made decisions that probably were not the best, just because they seemed like the right thing to do. BUT, as I get older and as I think about the matter, I realize that it's always best to follow your heart. Do what's in your heart & soul. Have faith. My new favorite saying is: "I'd rather regret the things I've done than to regret the things I have failed to do." And I'm sure a lot of people would agree with me.

Let me give you the ultimate example: Jesus. A man who loved us so much that he died for us. We believe that Jesus died for us and we love him in return...not because it's logical, but because it's what's in our hearts and souls...it's our faith. Do you think Jesus regrets dying for our sins? I don't believe so. Do you think you'll ever regret accepting and loving Jesus? Again, I don't believe so.

Back to the 'heart' of this message... I'm no expert on dating or even love. And I don't claim to be. I'll leave you with this, follow your heart. BUT, keep your eyes open, don't close off the rest of the world. Have faith in love...but love cautiously.

Thank you for reading.

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Comments 26 comments

Sean 7 years ago

Nice job


Janet 7 years ago

Really nice!


shamelabboush profile image

shamelabboush 7 years ago

Its very classical dilemma to choose of the two mighty things: the head and the heart. Tough choice.


\Brenda Scully 7 years ago

i agree very tough...... nice hub


Jarlath 6 years ago

Very nicely done. I think once you identify these different 'interests' in you, you are well on your way to some serious personal development.

We also have conflict over what's good for me versus what's good for another person, or even our family.

I think you'd enjoy Caroline Myss (www.myss.com) if you haven't already heard of her. My favourite speech of hers is called 'Living Fearless' http://www.myss.com/CMED/media/

Keep up the good work!


Cheeky Girl profile image

Cheeky Girl 6 years ago from UK and Nerujenia

The battle between the head and the heart is the stuff of legend. In romance and all the world's best romantic fiction, they feature so much. And they tell us often when a person is the right match for us. Or maybe not so. I can relate to many things said here. Really enjoyed this. : )


caroline 6 years ago

I have to say now that I am 46yrs old and regret everyday that I followed my head and not my heart. Actually, I did have a head injury and don't remember if it was my head or my parents making my choices.

But....23yrs later I found my lost first love. We are definitely still in love. But, he lives with his girlfriend...and we reconnected, he recently has be diagonsised with cancer. I don't know how serious he is.

I do regret not marrying him, I don't remember the conversation but he told me, to chose him and not my parents. I choice my parents...and regreted ever since.

Now, we meet up, had strong chemistry, we both fell madly in love all over again. We kiss it was like magic then one thing led to another but I refused to cross the line because he was in a relationship. He isn't the type either...but I regret that moment too. Because I don't know what is going to happen to him with the cancer and all. I know he wants to do the right thing by his girlfriend because she was and is so kind. So now I don't know how to feel...I love him more today than years ago because of what I see he character is today. I waited for him for 8yrs. so I have been alone...but I always knew I would find him again. So always go with your heart It would never let you down.

Any advice for what am I to do today!! I never want to be with anyone else...and he will only leave her for the right reasons. I hope that doesn't sound selfish. He loves me too and share how he waited for me too and saved everything I ever gave him and pictures of us...etc.

Do I tell him anything...or should I ask anything? He is not well right now and says to me if he could change things he would. We see each other once in a blue moon but don't cross the line. Not sure how I am suppose to handle this anymore. Do I wait till they break up...at this point how do I know they will? Or do I move on and wish him the best.

My heart tells me to not let go and tell him just how I feel, that I will wait for him when he is ready.

My head tells me he has a girlfriend, I know he loves but is not in love with...but I don't want him to leave her for me.

I know I say always go with your heart but I am 46.


ShannonBaich profile image

ShannonBaich 6 years ago from Where ever I go...there I am. But, mostly I'm in Delaware. Author

Caroline, I wish I could help you... but like I said, I'm no expert on the matter. All I'll suggest is that it doesn't matter if you're 46... if you feel as though you should follow your heart... follow your heart! Age doesn't matter at all. Sorry it took so long for a reply. I haven't been on here in ages!


Esther 6 years ago

Nice article. I say following the heart is better coz you learn from your mistakes. Plus there are no what ifs. Lol. Esther.lifechanger@yahoo.com


Journey 6 years ago

Written quite eloquently. I really liked the paralell examples.

That said, I'm a few months shy of my 40th birthday, 4 kids and married to a man I used my head to marry. He's kind, helpful, works hard and loves me to pieces. My head convinced my heart that this was the best choice for me and everything would turn out "right".

13 years later of marriage, and except for my children, I feel I have essentially "robbed" us both of what our futures should have/could have been, with my decision to say yes to his marriage proposal. I blame myself mostly (since I am the more logical of us both).

I keep asking myself, "How do I want to spend the next 13yrs?"......... and my heart knows the answer, but my head can't reconcile or rationalize out the logic to support it.

Journey


xyz 5 years ago

When we were born we were born with our hearts and not our brains.As we grew up the brain came into the picture quite significantly and made us meticulous. But the real growing up happens when we again start to take refuge in our hearts but then we have to face the most vociferous enemy "our brains".However if we give in to our brains demands by trying to convince our hearts then it is a worthless pursuit...because our hearts cannot be convinced its already convinced...... it is extremely opinionated and also has an indelible memory...so if the circumstances really force oneself to follow ones brains then we should try to cut off all links with the object of desire because even a slight thought of it shall alter the functioning of our brains.But that's a tough job and the only way out is engage in something which shall keep your heart busy... as Freud said "The voice of the intellect is a soft one, but it does not rest until it has gained a hearing"


Ladyfairz profile image

Ladyfairz 5 years ago from Georgia, USA

You will enjoy my hub "Time for Romance" which is about my decisions in exactly this area. Hope you visit the HUBs more frequently! WELCOME back


lulu 5 years ago

wow. Great article. Im in such dilema. Married cos my head told me to but my heart has been somewhere else from day one of my marriage. No matter how hard my head tries to convince my heart to move on. It wont. Have found myself in cross roads several time but my head always win. Its not a great space to be in. U r constantly unhapphy and u tend to loose urself. I pray and hope for freedom soon.


Ouch 4 years ago

Great article! The battle between the heart and head has raged on for centuries and will continue to rage on for centuries. I my self found my self in a particular situation of this very battle. I chose to follow my heart. I used to only make decisions and do things through logic. The fight and battle though became fierce in me two years ago when I reconnected with my lost love. When we found each other I was married with 4 kids. She was married with 2 kids. We were both unhappy and miserable and the desire for each other was unwaverly. I even attempted to break it off (being logical about it). I didn't speak to her for three weeks. I finally went into my email and found letters from her as recent as that day. See, we had connected on every single level. We tried just being friends but it grew and there was no stopping it. Since I followed my heart I am now divorced and waiting for her. It kills me and hurts me to see the evolution of our relationship and to watch her spend every single night, every single holiday, birthday, special occasion with him. Logically I know I am nuts. She says she has a hard time leaving because of the kids. She says she stays for the kids. I told her "In 20 years from now the kids are going to be long gone and what will you have? Living in misery with him and wondering what all you missed out on in life being happy." Maybe I come off a little strong. Maybe I am being selfish. I know it is better for the kids to have a happy mom and dad that are a part than miserable parents together. If you stay for the kids what are you teaching them about relationships? How to be miserable? How to have an unhealthy relationship? We want our children to be productive, successful, happy individuals. How can you nurture that in a home filled with misery, sorrow, and pain?

So now I sit waiting for an absolution. I don't know what it will be or when it will come. I don't know if I will be with her or not. My heart tells me we will and to sit patiently and wait. My head tells me to let go and move on. For the time being I'm waiting. Not sure how much more though I will or can take. The pain is great. I think losing her though the pain would be greater. Such a dilema to deal with and face every single day.

Only you know what is best for you. Make a decision and stick with it. If you follow your heart, see it through. Take the risk if there is one (such as mine). Hope for the best and prepare for the worse.


joe 4 years ago

very nice


Meng 4 years ago

I'm caught in a predicament myself and it's one of following your heart or your head.

I'm from New Zealand and recently I was on holiday in Thailand. On the second day of my trip while travelling a 14 hour bus journey from Bangkok to Phuket, a Lithuanian gal started chatting to me. We spoke for the majority of the journey and got very little sleep. We connected so well that it was her that she offered me her facebook, skype and lithuanian phone number.

I invited her out to Ko Phi Phi and we spent the week together. It was such an amazing time I had with her looking back and thinking about the romantic stuff we did together. She was cheering me on during my muay thai fight, the waterfront dinners we had, and the walks at night along the waterfront...also the passionate connection we had was magical. Unfortunately a goodbye hug and kiss was the last memory i had of her as i didn't really pursue the thought of a future with her as i thought this was a fling but deep down i liked her and she knows this.

However on the final week of my travels i was drawn to a russian chick who lives in germany. She tagged along with us and i spent a couple of days with her. Our friendship was one of honesty and i did tell her of my fling with the lithuanian gal. We connected on so many levels and even talked until 3am one night. She told me about her future plans and her pursue for happiness. Our time spent together was amazing as well and i did tell her she is pretty and the nicest girl i have ever met. She really is. However i did not tell her that i liked her as my mind was in a mess. She definitely is the more genuine of the two and i did tell her that i would visit her in germany when she finishes her masters degree in august and that we would travel europe together.

Here i am back home in new zealand thinking about both of them and not knowing who to pick. Heart says lithuanian because i am sexually attracted to her and because my heart aches for her when i think of the time spent together, but head says russian chick because we connected and she is the nicest and sweetest girl i have ever met and i find her to be more stable, but the unfortunate thing about her is that i haven't told her how i feel about her yet but based on the fun we had and how we connected i am confident it would be a positive outcome....

It sucks to have to make a decision but i can't because i love them both.


MysticA 4 years ago

Absolutely agree with everything! I was a "head" person in love, always going for the comfortable, easy option until one day I met that special someone who made my soul tick in every sense, while being with someone sweet and caring but who unfortunately didn't get me really as a person...

I fell in love deeply, passionately and illogically. the best thing though is that, even though it did not prove sustainable, it was the best memory in my life! I am having a hard time moving on. Love hurts, but it is wonderful..


cheri 4 years ago

What if the one you with tells you their hearts not there but they love you in their own special way is ir workable


kita 4 years ago

This is a beautiful post, very well said :)


fego360 4 years ago

nice piece of work,am presently in this dilemma, have been both type of persons the head and the heart type thru different times of my life,but what I find out is the heart is always better to follow, the regrets are less painful, but at a time one thing is certain you don't even know the difference between the heart and head anymore, you don't known which thought is the heart or head,if you have been in that condition before say aye!lol.


sophie 2 years ago

jesus didn't know any of us, he died for a cause not for me or you


Sophia 2 years ago

Follow your heart!!!! Life's too short , you may never experience that love again!!!

It doesn't come along everyday


Aros 2 years ago

I have a dilemma myself, I've had a best friend I've known online who made me happy but more miserable in the end, I distance myself from that misery and met my girlfriend who I've had a wonderful thing with who I also met online, I've been visiting her at least 2 times a year and skype with every everyday to keep the relationship alive. But recently I've been feeling this urge for my best friend who I long distance myself from due to personality and generally making me feel miserable with her selfish needs of attention. Shes been dating a lot of guys and drinks a lot and I simply cannot see a future with her as I can with my girlfriend in every aspect. Yet even still I feel this way about her as she still tries to reclaim our friendship as strong as it once was. Course she told me she likes me but of course doesn't want to cause problems with my girlfriend but she still gets involved despite I told her how I feel.. In the end my brain knows better than to follow my heart into what I know is a mistake. I told my girlfriend about my crush and of course she felt seriously hurt. I know what I did was a big mistake and I don't wish to repeat it.. But still.. How do I possibly shake this feeling I feel anyways? I hate it and wish I didn't have it. But no matter how much I deny it, it's there. I love my girlfriend with all my heart, I would do anything for her and I want to be happy with her no matter what because I feel shes the one. I know it sounds like the choice is so obvious but it just hurts what I did, hurts how I feel for my old friend who I known a bit longer than my girlfriend who I've been with for over 3 years now. Does anyone know what's the best thing to do would be? why does love hurt so much?


asi 2 years ago

darling


Samantha 2 years ago

Great article, I can relate o so well! I am in the same predicament and as a Libra I am a very logical person & have often stayed in relations to make them happy or because my mind told me it was the right thing to do. Such as right now. I have been with my girlfriend for 2 years (we are both lesbians) and we feel hard for one another hard,8 months later we were engaged & all in love. Yet over the past 11 months we have been living together, me working full time, paying all the bills, cooking & cleaning dinner, while she sits home all night & day playing her ps3 and showing me little to no affection, putting me down & nit-picking over everything! A month ago I started talking to another girl just as friends, but over time we developed feelings for one another and connect on every level. And even though my girl has really been trying for 2 weeks after I told her about the other girl, I feel like it's too late. My girl has hurt me so bad for so long making me feel unloved and not carried for by coming 2nd to a playstation... I don't know what to do! My mind tells me to stay with my girl & work things out, we've been together for a while and have been through so much together and she's really trying now... But than my heart say your not happy with your girl, she's hurt you for so long and so deeply, you'd be happier & treated better with the "other" girl, go for it & don't look back! So I just don't know what to do! To make matters even more complicated the other girl & I have only meet online, she's in the army and going to Hawaii for 2 years in 3 weeks...Yet she has said that if we got serious I could move to Hawaii with her, which gives me butterflies.... So I am so torn & don't know what to do!!!! Please help!!!


iran 2 years ago

Hi.., I am iran, I am searching for many sites that would explain me about my love. I am a discreet gay was in a relationship with a guy that really love me. He is such a perfect and a very loving guy for me.. he is so handsome too., I met him online and we decided to have a relationship., its a long distance relationship because he is in USA and I am here in the middle east. We always converse everday, in fact I felt relaxed and calm when he came in my life, we already decided marry after my 1 yearcontract here. Unfortunately, my heart suddenly changed, my love faded and I cannot explain it why. I want to marry him and spend the rest of my life for him but my heart has its own decision, days before I left, my heart was aching,its like acids that werekilling me. its like forcing me to leave him. I spent many time praying begging from God to help me, but nothing happened. I left him because he want true feeling, I just being honest to him because I don't want him to hurt more in the future, buuuutttt, it was so hard for me, I spend many weeks crying. For me it's unacceptable. I don't deserve this. Andmy boyfriend really don't deserve to be hurt. Until now he is still crying everyday because I left him. I am so sad. I just thought God gave him to me, because he came after my prayer, until now I am still blaming god and I feel like I don't trust God anymore. He failed me :'( whsts the best thing to do....

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