For Lease, Good Friend, Call Me For Details

THESE ARE THREE GOOD FRIENDS

(FROM LEFT) WALT DISNEY'S GOOFY, MINNIE MOUSE AND AMERICA'S FAVORITE RODENT, MICKEY MOUSE.
(FROM LEFT) WALT DISNEY'S GOOFY, MINNIE MOUSE AND AMERICA'S FAVORITE RODENT, MICKEY MOUSE.

OTHER IMAGES OF GOOD FRIENDSHIPS

TWO "BESTIES," OR BFF'S ENJOY A MOMENT OF BLISS AS THE CAMERA CAPTURES THEIR MOMENT.
TWO "BESTIES," OR BFF'S ENJOY A MOMENT OF BLISS AS THE CAMERA CAPTURES THEIR MOMENT.
WATER BUFFALO AND TAYLOR BIRD. UNUSUAL CREATURES AND YET CLOSE FRIENDS. GOOD WORK, GOD.
WATER BUFFALO AND TAYLOR BIRD. UNUSUAL CREATURES AND YET CLOSE FRIENDS. GOOD WORK, GOD.
PRETTY GIRLS, ALL GOOD FRIENDS, ON A CAMPING TRIP. WHAT GREAT MEMORIES ARE BEING MADE.
PRETTY GIRLS, ALL GOOD FRIENDS, ON A CAMPING TRIP. WHAT GREAT MEMORIES ARE BEING MADE.
YESSIREE, BOB. A GUY AND A GIRL CAN BE BEST FRIENDS. AND THIS IS HIGHLY-RECOMMENDED BEFORE MARRIAGE. A MARRIAGE SEEMS TO WORK BETTER THAT WAY.
YESSIREE, BOB. A GUY AND A GIRL CAN BE BEST FRIENDS. AND THIS IS HIGHLY-RECOMMENDED BEFORE MARRIAGE. A MARRIAGE SEEMS TO WORK BETTER THAT WAY.
NATURAL ENEMIES? I DON'T THINK SO. SOMEHOW THESE ANIMAL BUDDIES HAVE PUT THEIR BORN DIFFERENCES ASIDE IN ORDER TO ENJOY A GOOD FRIENDSHIP.
NATURAL ENEMIES? I DON'T THINK SO. SOMEHOW THESE ANIMAL BUDDIES HAVE PUT THEIR BORN DIFFERENCES ASIDE IN ORDER TO ENJOY A GOOD FRIENDSHIP.
THIS, LADIES AND GENTS, IS "THE PERFECT" EXAMPLE AND PHOTO OF A "PERFECT FRIENDSHIP."
THIS, LADIES AND GENTS, IS "THE PERFECT" EXAMPLE AND PHOTO OF A "PERFECT FRIENDSHIP."
THESE TWO BEAUTIES, ONE BLOND, THE OTHER, BRUNETTE, ARE GOOD FRIENDS AS THIS PHOTO SHOWS. WHY CANNOT MEN BE AS CLOSE AS GIRLS?
THESE TWO BEAUTIES, ONE BLOND, THE OTHER, BRUNETTE, ARE GOOD FRIENDS AS THIS PHOTO SHOWS. WHY CANNOT MEN BE AS CLOSE AS GIRLS?

Since one of my latest hubs, "Defining A True Friend," was published, I've been pondering on friends, friendship and the delicate degree each level of friendship that we all enjoy on our journey through life.

And factually, friends do come in various stages: Common Friends, Good Friends, Close Friends, and Best Friends. Did you ever notice these differences in your collection of friends? I admit that it took me a very long time to realize that friendship does come in stages. For example: What you cannot tell a common, everyday friend, maybe a co-worker, you can always share with your Best Friend. No matter how tragic or silly the circumstances, you have your best friend to lean on. And when you are not in a sensitive, sharing type of mood, there is the always-available Good Friends. Neighbors or people you attend church with that can satisfy your need (at the moment) to be needed or to fulfill a need for that Good Friend.

Funny. For years I thought all friends were the same. Was I a fool or what? Looking back, say to my teen years of 1972, when I was 18, "Draft Age," no wonder my "good" friend, a Larry Cooper, (his real name) a trusty classmate, shown discomfort at me sharing a sensitive secret about a certain girl in our class. "Ken, I, uh, have to do. Take it easy," Cooper said stumbling over his words as he got out of his '71 Ford Maverick and went inside the high school for class. I was left stunned. Ashamed. Embarrassed. And later, thankful that Larry didn't tell anyone of my obvious misjudgement in friendship.

And when it came to a best friend. A buddy. Confidant, you couldn't beat Kenneth "Wild Man" Stone, a best friend of mine since 1971, and who now works in a lucrative position at our local Walmart SuperCenter in Hamilton, Alabama, our hometown. I swear that I could tell Kenneth anything. About anyone. And he wouldn't "spill the beans" even under the most-severe interrogations by our buddies in the C.I.A. I am serious. He would have made a super-agent for these "undercover guys" with his gift to keep a secret. I know. I shared thousands of secret with him. Secrets, if he decided to publish a "tell-all," book, well all I can say is that there would be a lot of women in our hometown who would have to change their names. That's really all I want to say.

When I went to work for the Journal Record newspaper, also in Hamilton, in September of 1975, I learned quick that I was in need of a good friend. Someone who could "show me the ropes" of this fascinating business. And there she was, Joy Wilemon. A slim, vivacious woman with long brunette hair and a smile that could stop traffic in Atlanta, Georgia at rush hour. I am telling you the God's truth. To make a long story short, Joy did teach me every aspect of the newspaper industry. And many secrets about life. Some I cannot reveal for I gave her my word many years ago and although I may appear dumb by keeping my word, I am a firm believer in keeping one's word. Joy and I were "good" friends. Maybe "close" friends. But with her being a female, (and boy, what an understatement that is), I couldn't really open up to her like I could Kenneth Stone. It certainly wasn't that I disliked her. No way. I just had this problem of talking about guy things to her. And that is all I want to say about that.

Now I want to get to "the meat" of this hub. Over the years I have been living on this earth by the mercies of God, and enjoyed many good, close and best friends, I have decided to lend myself to anyone on HubPages or anyone who isn't on HubPages, to be the kind of friend that they want.

I can easily be a Good, Close, or even a Trusted Best Friend to anyone who is willing to pay my meager lease price that I will tell you about in a minute. "Ken, you are actually leasing yourself out as a friend to people?" you ask. Sure thing. And why shouldn't I do this? Can you think of any law on any law books that would prevent me from being a "leased friend"? Please do not research this on my account. I don't want you to exhaust yourself and be forced to take two weeks (with pay) off from your job. So just take my word for it. This new service is not illegal.

My Qualifications For Being a "Leased Friend":

  1. I am 58 years of age. I am way-past being a wayward, immature teenager. I have roots planted in my hometown. I am not going anywhere.
  2. I am a terrific listener. I can listen to you all day long and not flinch.
  3. I can be trusted. Tell me your darkest secrets and it's as secure as putting them in Fort Knox and guarded 24/7 by the Secret Service.
  4. I am naturally-friendly. In other words, I am not bashful. This is a plus.
  5. I am willing to take a meager fee for my friendship services. A fee that you and I can negotiate so you will be given a great bargain.
  6. I am not greedy. This reason ties in well with the above reason.

Reasons Why "You" Need Me For A "Leased Friend":

  1. I do not eat much. If you take me to lunch or dinner, I promise you that I will not "hog" all of the menu.
  2. I will always wear clean clothes. Plus shower every day. So you will not be offended by my very-manly body odor.
  3. I will always wear the finest cologne for men. What? You thought I would wear Chanel No. 5 for girls? That is funny
  4. I will not talk in a loud, vulgar tone--either in person or on the phone.
  5. I will automatically offer to pay for our dining experience.
  6. I will stay close to you at all times--protecting you from eavesdroppers.
  7. I know ways to rid you of that loneliness, depression and case of "the blues" you have lugged around for months.
  8. I am funny as any Chevy Chase ever dreamed. This includes stunts like falling down in a restaurant and jumping up to prove that I am okay.
  9. My friendship is REAL. GENUINE. Not a flimsy facsimile like those on reality television.
  10. I would even change my name from Kenneth, to any male name that you like, to just make you comfortable.

Things I Won't Do as a "Leased Friend":

  1. Call up your arch enemy and curse them out for you.
  2. Go to your arch enemy's home and beat the fire out of them for you.
  3. Run off to a foreign country for you.
  4. Have plastic surgery to make me look like Justin Bieber for you.
  5. Dress up like a Grizzly Bear to make you laugh.
  6. Sing like Tony Bennett just because you are bored.
  7. Yell obscenities at sporting events to entertain you. And because your team just happens to be lousy on third-down situations.
  8. Tell you vulgar jokes because you want to hear them.

Okay, ladies, this is whom this hub is aimed at, here is my meager fee and it is very acceptable and affordable if you ask me:

$50.00 a day plus $15.00 for shoes if needed or a new shirt. If I have to go out of state, $65.00 a day and I WEAR THE SHOES AND SHIRT I HAVE AVAILABLE.

Now I ask you honestly, are these rates cheap or am I crazy? And look again at the things you get in my "Friendship Package" that won't cost you a red cent. This is a great deal in anyone's opinion if you want the truth.

So say goodbye to "Mr. Lonely," and his pals, "Depression," and "Blues," give me one chance at being leased-out as your friend and . . .

You may never go back to YOUR REAL FRIENDS again!

THE PERFECT FRIENDSHIP

TWO ELEPHANTS ARE SHOWN SEALING A FRIENDSHIP PACT TO BE FRIENDS FOR LIFE. AND WITH THEIR EXCEPTIONALLY-SHARP MEMORIES, THEY WILL NOT FORGET EACH OTHER IN YEARS TO COME.
TWO ELEPHANTS ARE SHOWN SEALING A FRIENDSHIP PACT TO BE FRIENDS FOR LIFE. AND WITH THEIR EXCEPTIONALLY-SHARP MEMORIES, THEY WILL NOT FORGET EACH OTHER IN YEARS TO COME.

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Comments 26 comments

JayeWisdom profile image

JayeWisdom 4 years ago from Deep South, USA

I'll have to turn down your "generous" offer, Ken, as I already have sufficient friends of each category and various ages. It's very kind of you to offer, though....

I do want to tell you, however, that I think the caption you wrote under the photo of a young man and woman is quite profound. Marriage does seem to work better when the spouses are best friends before they marry. A lot of divorces probably occur when that first blush is off romantic love and the couple realize they don't even like each other! Perhaps the question, "Are you best friends?" should be included on all marriage license applications. What a concept!

JAYE


shea duane profile image

shea duane 4 years ago from new jersey

Ken, although the price is reasonable, I only lease friends who do wear Chanel no 5 for women... too bad, but it is a deal breaker.

You know, you are a really great writer. Everyone on hubpages is lucky you found your way here. 8-)


hoteltravel profile image

hoteltravel 4 years ago from Thailand

Kenneth as a leased friend! Am sure ladies are queueing up at your doorstep. Let us know how many offers you got and how many you accepted. This is way better than renting out your body parts as ad space, another innovative approach. Voted up and funny.


Sunnie Day 4 years ago

Kenneth this was truly funny! I have a better deal than what you are offering. I will be your friend free! :)...and I promise....I will not have plastic surgery to look like Justin Beiber haha


anndavis25 profile image

anndavis25 4 years ago from Clearwater, Fl.

Hey Ken, You are so clever. I really enjoyed reading this. Have a wonderful day! AD

I'm sharing this.


tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina

I call dibbs.. :) You are such a riot Kenneth. This is adorable!


TENKAY profile image

TENKAY 4 years ago from Philippines

I am seriously thinking about your offer. It sounds fair enough. There are days when I need a friend very badly. The only problem is I am from a foreign land. I guess I'll just content myself with following your hubs.

Thanks for making me laugh today.

Hubhugs from me and Sabrina.


KT Banks profile image

KT Banks 4 years ago from Texas

I will start saving my money. We may be quite old, but I'm saving, :)


catgypsy profile image

catgypsy 4 years ago from the South

Kenneth, you are certainly worth 50 bucks a day as a friend! They are very rare nowadays...and I couldn't think of anyone I'd rather have as a friend. Your generous soul comes through in your writing...that's why we all love you!


picklesandrufus profile image

picklesandrufus 4 years ago from Virginia Beach, Va

Why Ken, we get to share your friendship for free on hub pages! Entertaining hub!!It left me with a big smile on my face. Vote up


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear Jaye, that's okay. I still think of YOU as my dear friend and follower. Thanks for the comment and the one about "best friends" making good marital partners, well, I gotta stick to that one, for in my hometown I see couples who have always been together--thick and thin, you know the story. Why? They started out as friends and evolved to BEST friends. Then evolved into martial partners. Notice I said PARTNERS? These two ingredients make, in my opinion, a stronger union.

Thanks again, Jaye.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

My Dear Shea . . .whatta ya know? I am in luck. I can purchase Chanel No. 5 at my local Walmart Super Center. And you know, Shea, you are always making me feel good with your comments no matter how dark and lonely I feel. You yourself, are a gifted writer and a TERRIFIC friend. It was God, Our Loving and Understanding Father, who allowed me to find HubPages and all of you, my Very Special Friends whom I would lay down my life in a heartbeat for if necessary.

And I am NOT kidding around.

Sincerly, KENNETH


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, hoteltravel, so far, I am batting 0. But i go up again in the 2nd inning behind "luck" and "fate" who are both NOT long ball hitters. And I think you are right. Not many women, barring Lady GaGa, would go out with a guy whose head says, "Na . . .Na . . .Na . . .Napa know how." She might be threatened.

Thanks again, KENNETH


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear Sunnie . . .Sold! And confidentially, I do not know how to act around Justin's age bracket. Thanks for sparing me the plastic surgery. You are a sweet lady, Sunnie.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello, ann, Thank YOU so MUCH for saying that you enjoyed reading this hub. That makes me want to get up and go shave. Not many girls have that affect on me.

Thanks!

Kenneth :)


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello, Tammy, you win! But do I have to sing any of those songs on your hub, "Songs That Put You In A Bad Mood"? If so, I might be practicing right now. And Tammy, YOU are the hilarious hubber, not me. I was just blessed to be in here with YOU wonderful girls. That you can take to the bank, but let me know how the cashier reacted when you said, "I want to deposit this compliment that my friend on HubPages, Kenneth Avery, gave me."

That would make a very funny hub.

Think about it.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello, TENKAY, you are a wonderful person to leave such a complimentary choice of words for me to read. Thank you much. I might put myself into a "Blue Light Special" like old K-Mart did years ago and lease myself for one day only for $45.00 plus gas for my car.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear KT, Pssst. Dont tell a soul, but I can lend you $12.45 if that will help you. And Im not concerned with age, KT. Not even my nominal lease fee. Just want to make a positive difference in ONE PERSONS LIFE before I leave this world. And what a time that one person will have even at my lowest lease charge. LOL.

YOU have a great day, KT, and come back often.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

DEAREST Catgypsy . . ."Sincerely, thank you, for your sweet comment. Ive not had anyone in my entire life value me high as $50! Im being honest. Now in my past, there have been a few girls who placed a pricetag on me as that of $5.00, for NOT wanting to be seen with me. And these girls all live alone now with their 4 kids, no husband, and well, you know how Karma can bite you. I did my part. I ceased wanting to be seen with them. I honored their wishes.

And I LOVE YOU all too. I consider myself a very blessed man. Very blessed.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, picklesandrufus, wy' you are absolutely right. I like it THIS way better . . .sharing my life with you all for FREE. Forgive me, but sometimes my studies in capitalism wants to come out and say hello. This is my fault. I am reminded on a LIFE EXPERT who said, "it's far better to give than receive," and that settles my case of wanting to lease myself out as a friend.

I dont argue with "THIS" Life Expert.

Kenneth


Sueswan 4 years ago

Dearest Kenneth

You are crazy my friend. ;) Thank you for the laughs and most of all your friendship. Do you take I.O.U.'s? lol

Voted up up and away!

Have a good evening. :)


tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina

No Kenneth, you wouldn't have to sing any songs..especially songs that put one in a bad mood. We can sing Kumbiah together my friend. I will take it to the bank and let you know how it goes.. LOL. :)


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear Sueswan, yes, I do take I.O.U.'s LOL. Thanks for your insights on me. Crazy, naaaah. A little off-center, yes. But when you are like that, people do not expect much from you. Sweet deal being off-center...hey, another hub idea...thanks!

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello, Dear Tammy @ 12:41 p.m., CDST, March 17, 2012

Happy St. Patrick's Day to ya, lassie!

Now. First, thank YOU, Tammy for your nice comments. So understanding. I am now relaxed, for when I meet you, I will NOT sing ANY songs that make you feel blue. But here are a few that I submit, for your approval, that I may sing when we are dining (which I will pay for--I have a Visa debit or cash), or having coffee . . .read them over carefully and get back to me, or my agent, "Henry Bosh," he works on commission.

1. Start Me Up--Stones

2. La Grange--ZZ Top

3. It's My Life--Bon Jovi

4. Crossfire--Stevie Ray Vaughn

5. Tuff Enuff--Fabulous Thunderbirds

6. Rag Doll--Aerosmith

7. Hot For Teacher--Van Halen

that should do for the first hour. What do you think?

Kenneth


ImKarn23 profile image

ImKarn23 4 years ago

OMG...you make me laugh! Your mind must be an interesting place to visit - altho - i don't think i'd care to live there long term! I'm afraid my dance card is full right now, but - i'll be sure to let you know when there's a cancellation! voting!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

THANK YOU VERY MUCH . . .ImKarn! Making people laugh gives me hope that I have a purpose in life. I am totally-serious. And Id love for you to visit my mental apartment complex. NO rent. Free food--for thought. And of course, you can leave whenever you want. Okay. When an opening comes on your dance card, let me know. Thanks, dear friend.

Kenneth

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