For Lease, Good Friend, Call Me For Details

Since one of my latest hubs, "Defining A True Friend," was published, I've been pondering on friends, friendship and the delicate degree each level of friendship that we all enjoy on our journey through life.

And factually, friends do come in various stages: Common Friends, Good Friends, Close Friends, and Best Friends. Did you ever notice these differences in your collection of friends? I admit that it took me a very long time to realize that friendship does come in stages. For example: What you cannot tell a common, everyday friend, maybe a co-worker, you can always share with your Best Friend. No matter how tragic or silly the circumstances, you have your best friend to lean on. And when you are not in a sensitive, sharing type of mood, there is the always-available Good Friends. Neighbors or people you attend church with that can satisfy your need (at the moment) to be needed or to fulfill a need for that Good Friend.

Funny. For years I thought all friends were the same. Was I a fool or what? Looking back, say to my teen years of 1972, when I was 18, "Draft Age," no wonder my "good" friend, a Larry Cooper, (his real name) a trusty classmate, shown discomfort at me sharing a sensitive secret about a certain girl in our class. "Ken, I, uh, have to do. Take it easy," Cooper said stumbling over his words as he got out of his '71 Ford Maverick and went inside the high school for class. I was left stunned. Ashamed. Embarrassed. And later, thankful that Larry didn't tell anyone of my obvious misjudgement in friendship.

And when it came to a best friend. A buddy. Confidant, you couldn't beat Kenneth "Wild Man" Stone, a best friend of mine since 1971, and who now works in a lucrative position at our local Walmart SuperCenter in Hamilton, Alabama, our hometown. I swear that I could tell Kenneth anything. About anyone. And he wouldn't "spill the beans" even under the most-severe interrogations by our buddies in the C.I.A. I am serious. He would have made a super-agent for these "undercover guys" with his gift to keep a secret. I know. I shared thousands of secret with him. Secrets, if he decided to publish a "tell-all," book, well all I can say is that there would be a lot of women in our hometown who would have to change their names. That's really all I want to say.

When I went to work for the Journal Record newspaper, also in Hamilton, in September of 1975, I learned quick that I was in need of a good friend. Someone who could "show me the ropes" of this fascinating business. And there she was, Joy Wilemon. A slim, vivacious woman with long brunette hair and a smile that could stop traffic in Atlanta, Georgia at rush hour. I am telling you the God's truth. To make a long story short, Joy did teach me every aspect of the newspaper industry. And many secrets about life. Some I cannot reveal for I gave her my word many years ago and although I may appear dumb by keeping my word, I am a firm believer in keeping one's word. Joy and I were "good" friends. Maybe "close" friends. But with her being a female, (and boy, what an understatement that is), I couldn't really open up to her like I could Kenneth Stone. It certainly wasn't that I disliked her. No way. I just had this problem of talking about guy things to her. And that is all I want to say about that.

Now I want to get to "the meat" of this hub. Over the years I have been living on this earth by the mercies of God, and enjoyed many good, close and best friends, I have decided to lend myself to anyone on HubPages or anyone who isn't on HubPages, to be the kind of friend that they want.

I can easily be a Good, Close, or even a Trusted Best Friend to anyone who is willing to pay my meager lease price that I will tell you about in a minute. "Ken, you are actually leasing yourself out as a friend to people?" you ask. Sure thing. And why shouldn't I do this? Can you think of any law on any law books that would prevent me from being a "leased friend"? Please do not research this on my account. I don't want you to exhaust yourself and be forced to take two weeks (with pay) off from your job. So just take my word for it. This new service is not illegal.

My Qualifications For Being a "Leased Friend":

1. I am 58 years of age. I am way-past being a wayward, immature teenager. I have roots planted in my hometown. I am not going anywhere.
2. I am a terrific listener. I can listen to you all day long and not flinch.
3. I can be trusted. Tell me your darkest secrets and it's as secure as putting them in Fort Knox and guarded 24/7 by the Secret Service.
4. I am naturally-friendly. In other words, I am not bashful. This is a plus.
5. I am willing to take a meager fee for my friendship services. A fee that you and I can negotiate so you will be given a great bargain.
6. I am not greedy. This reason ties in well with the above reason.

Reasons Why "You" Need Me For A "Leased Friend":

1. I do not eat much. If you take me to lunch or dinner, I promise you that I will not "hog" all of the menu.
2. I will always wear clean clothes. Plus shower every day. So you will not be offended by my very-manly body odor.
3. I will always wear the finest cologne for men. What? You thought I would wear Chanel No. 5 for girls? That is funny
4. I will not talk in a loud, vulgar tone--either in person or on the phone.
5. I will automatically offer to pay for our dining experience.
6. I will stay close to you at all times--protecting you from eavesdroppers.
7. I know ways to rid you of that loneliness, depression and case of "the blues" you have lugged around for months.
8. I am funny as any Chevy Chase ever dreamed. This includes stunts like falling down in a restaurant and jumping up to prove that I am okay.
9. My friendship is REAL. GENUINE. Not a flimsy facsimile like those on reality television.
10. I would even change my name from Kenneth, to any male name that you like, to just make you comfortable.

Things I Won't Do as a "Leased Friend":

1. Call up your arch enemy and curse them out for you.
2. Go to your arch enemy's home and beat the fire out of them for you.
3. Run off to a foreign country for you.
4. Have plastic surgery to make me look like Justin Bieber for you.
5. Dress up like a Grizzly Bear to make you laugh.
6. Sing like Tony Bennett just because you are bored.
7. Yell obscenities at sporting events to entertain you. And because your team just happens to be lousy on third-down situations.
8. Tell you vulgar jokes because you want to hear them.

Okay, ladies, this is whom this hub is aimed at, here is my meager fee and it is very acceptable and affordable if you ask me:

$50.00 a day plus $15.00 for shoes if needed or a new shirt. If I have to go out of state, $65.00 a day and I WEAR THE SHOES AND SHIRT I HAVE AVAILABLE.

Now I ask you honestly, are these rates cheap or am I crazy? And look again at the things you get in my "Friendship Package" that won't cost you a red cent. This is a great deal in anyone's opinion if you want the truth.

So say goodbye to "Mr. Lonely," and his pals, "Depression," and "Blues," give me one chance at being leased-out as your friend and . . .

You may never go back to YOUR REAL FRIENDS again!