Five Common Complaints Husbands Have About Their Wives

I can't take it anymore!

Every marriage will have its share of challenges. One of the most common issues couples are said to face involves communication problems. I’ve always thought it kind of strange since most couples don’t start having issues with communication until after they’ve been together for a while. It’s almost the equivalent of moving to new city and never getting lost until after you’ve lived there a year! One would think the longer you have been with someone or lived someplace the easier it would be to navigate around or understand them.

Bait & Switch

The primary reason why most people don’t start having problems until after they’ve been together for a while is because both men and women tend to bend over backwards to impress each other during the infatuation phase of new relationship. The more attracted they are towards each other the more they are willing to make an effort to please this new person and avoid conflict as much as possible. Being with someone who seems to want to do everything you enjoy doing can lead one to feel as though they’ve met their “soul mate”. Within three to six months they’re saying: “I love you.”

After there is an “emotional investment” in the relationship and both parties have been introduced to family, friends, and co-workers gradually they start to reveal their “authentic selves” to each other. However most people do not completely relax and let loose until after they have gotten married.

Marriage has a way of giving some people false security. They act as if dating and courtship were the probation period for a new job and once the vows have been exchanged they no longer need to be on their best behavior. After all “the job” is (forever) theirs!

This belief leads some people to start slacking off or stop putting in as much effort as they did when they were trying to win their mate’s heart. Oftentimes “power struggles” arise in the marriage until each person decides what tactics works for them to make the best of things. It’s not uncommon to hear someone say about their spouse: “She/he is not the same person I fell in love with.” The following are five common complaints that some husbands have about their wives.

1. Mood Swings that Defy Logical Reasoning

Some men feel as though their wives intentionally look for things to argue about. It's as if being happy and co-existing (peacefully) bores them to death!

After working all day the last thing most husbands are up for is having a fight with their wife. Although there are many men who will fight fire with fire there are also those who shut down and retreat to the “man cave”. These men are often viewed as being “passive aggressive”.

Most men are baffled over how much can change within twenty-four hours from a woman’s point of view or emotional state. It’s one thing if there has been a lingering issue but to go from having a romantic passionate night to World War III is unfathomable to most men. Having said that there are instances where medically it has been proven some women have severe PMS issues that affect their moods. Nevertheless from the male point of view it’s irrational to go from happy to mad.

2. She's Perfect and He is a Work in Progress!

Whether the man is age 30, 40, 50, or beyond in her eyes it's a "miracle" he survived before she came into his life! He doesn't know how to boil water, make a bed, fold towels, or even load dishes in the dishwasher - "correctly" aka her way! Some women truly believe: “You have to train a man.” Very few guys are looking to be changed.

3. Instant Demotion on Her Priorities List

Men typically marry the women they love. They view their children as offspring to their union. Although they love their children very much most still put their wife at the top of their priority list. Naturally there are exceptions and some guys have been known to treat their wives like servants. A lot of men view themselves as being at or near the bottom of their wife’s list of priorities.

1. Children 2. Her "Me time" 3. Her (parents/siblings) and extended family. 4. Her best friends for life. 5. Any pet (cat/dog) she owned prior to marriage. 6. Husband

4. Having Sex is Doing Him a Favor

Sex to her is something to be used on a reward/punishment basis. She never initiates it or makes him feel desirable. Over time she desexualizes the marriage where there is 0% eroticism. Oftentimes this leads a lot of the guys to venture onto porn sites and visit strip clubs. They want the "fantasy" of having a woman throw them self at them or make them the center of attention because they never get that treatment at home. Their dream is having “a lady in the street and a freak in the sheets.”

5. She treats him like a human ATM machine

If he can't earn money quicker than she can spend it then he is a "loser". If she earns more than him she resents him for it. When it comes to money there is no "Us & We". There is only "You & Me". His money covers their expenses and her money is for doing whatever she wants. He’s supposed to break the bank for her birthday, Mother’s Day, Christmas, and Valentine’s Day. In return he counts his blessings for getting a tie, underwear, a pair of socks, and wait for it…. a new set of tools!

Complaints vary from marriage to marriage as well as what challenges the couple may be facing at a particular phase in their marriage. It’s probably a good idea from time to time to imagine yourself in your spouse’s shoes. As the old adage goes:

“Treat people the way you want to be treated”

Do you believe most married couples are always open about being unhappy?

  • No, Most people suffer in silence until things become unbearable?
  • Yes, Married couples express their unhappiness with each other asap!
  • No, People become accustom to their mate and pick their own battles.
See results without voting

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Comments 66 comments

Peggasuse profile image

Peggasuse 2 years ago from Indiana, USA

...and this is why it's always best to be yourself. You can't keep up an act forever. Sooner or later, the "real" you is going to show up and that's when the trouble starts...


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 2 years ago Author

Peggasuse , You are so right! It's just a matter of time!

However our society teaches us to put our "best foot forward" and "dress to impress". In other words (don't show) your "authentic self" until after you get the job or win his/her heart.

If everyone subscribed to the "be yourself" dating strategy it would be so much easier to weed out people who aren't right for one another.


DDE profile image

DDE 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

Couples try to ignore communication but that just increases the problem between them. I voted, ''No, Most people suffer in silence until things become unbearable?''


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 2 years ago Author

DDE, You're right a lot of people choose to suffer in silence rather than acknowledge a problem. Overtime they become emotionally detached from one another and less physically intimate to the point where they become pretty much roommates with the same last name.

It takes courage to make changes whether it be in a marriage or to leave a marriage. There is no amount of communication or work that can overcome being with someone who does not want what you want.

We're either growing together or growing apart.


Blond Logic profile image

Blond Logic 2 years ago from Brazil

You didn't pull any punches, did you?

Will you be following this up with 5 common complaints women have about their men?


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 2 years ago Author

Blond Logic, Thanks so much for stopping by to read my hub and post a comment. I believe it would be best for a woman to write a hub on the 5 common complaints women have about their husbands. :-)

Women are likely to be more open and honest with other women and odds are the writer will also have some valuable input of their own. :-)


kaiyan717 profile image

kaiyan717 2 years ago from West Virginia

This made me smile, because it is usually true. I am happily divorced after 10 years and must say that many instances were actually reversed. After so long with someone, their breathing does become annoying.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 2 years ago Author

kaiyan717, I suppose sometimes there is an element of truth to that old adage: "Familiarity breeds contempt!" :-)

I've heard other people state things they found "cute" or endearing about their mates early on later becomes the same things that drive them nuts!

Thanks for stopping by and posting your comment.


Ann Thomas 2 years ago

Men don't have any common sense or logic. They resent there wives because there wives have to tell them what to do, when to do it and how to do it.Women think with the side of the brain that has common sense and logic . Men think with the other side of their brain.Scientific fact.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 2 years ago Author

Ann Thomas, Thanks for your comment.

It's amazing that all these really smart women can't wait to marry one of these guys without any commonsense or logic! LOL!

Sounds a lot like #2 "She's Perfect and He is a Work in Progress!"

It's my understanding of science that men tend to have the commonsense/linear approach to thinking while women think more "creatively" then men. However it's never wise to generalize.

Ultimately each of us (chooses) our own friends, lovers, and spouse. Who we choose to spend our time with or marry says a lot about (us). :-)


DDE profile image

DDE 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

''There is no amount of communication or work that can overcome being with someone who does not want what you want. We're either growing together or growing apart.'' So true about some couples and it can be most stressful or one can feel less energetic when with such partners. Thank you for sharing your interesting hub.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 2 years ago Author

DDE, Thanks for stopping by to read my hub and post a comment.

We can never underestimate just how important it is for a couple to be "in agreement" on the (major) things in life. :)


ubanichijioke profile image

ubanichijioke 2 years ago from Lagos

This comprehensive and well delivered piece is a cracker! The best part of any relationship is to be yourself. It saves a lot of energy and channels it into positive things. People who live a life of pretence always find themselves in harm's way in every relationship. Women are the usual culprit cos they always behave well during courtship and change overnight when they think they've solidified their status in the relationship via marriage. A great piece!!


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 2 years ago Author

ubanichijioke, Thanks for the great feedback!


peeples profile image

peeples 2 years ago from South Carolina

I have to admit I am a bit guilty of 2 and 3. I truly don't know how my husband ate or had clean clothes before me. I don't make him feel bad about it though and he hasn't had to wash clothes since we met (except the first time when he ruined a load of clothes by turning it pink). Though I did encourage him to learn to cook when I was pregnant. Number 3 is common sense to me. Two of my three children were here before him. If the house was burning I would save my kids first. If my husband and one of my children were both drowning I'd save my child first. My husband is equal to me, my children are above us both in my priorities. Thankfully my husband is in agreement. I can see how all of these things could be a problem if treated the wrong way and if there were no communication. Great article!


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 2 years ago Author

peeples, Thanks for stopping by and posting a comment.

I imagine #2 and #3 are very popular! :-)

However it may be a toss up for most husbands when it comes to saving their wife or their children. Hopefully no one has to be put in that position.

I have heard of instances in the movies during childbirth where a decision has to be made as to go all out to save the infant or focus on saving the mother. The men usually request the doctor save their wives! :-)


Relationshipc profile image

Relationshipc 2 years ago from Alberta, Canada

I'm glad my husband understands my mood swings, or at least doesn't complain to me about them!

I can say that my husband is on the top of my priority list, right alongside of me. We don't have kids, and while my dogs, friends, and family are important, he's the only one who supports me fully and really understands me.

I try to show him how important he is as much as possible, but your article made me realize I better remind that of him again tonight in a big way!


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 2 years ago Author

Relationshipc , Thanks for stopping by and posting your comment. Oftentimes it's what is not said that can hurt the most. It's always wise to make sure our mate or spouse is happy instead of assuming they are. :)


Amanda Holzinger profile image

Amanda Holzinger 2 years ago from New Jersey

Admitting I am guilty of a couple of these things! Voted up and useful. Like you said...you don't usually get lost in a new city until you've lived there for a while. Why? Because when you're new to a "city" ( or in this case a relationship) you don't venture out much because you may not know where you are going! You want to enjoy your present surroundings and become comfortable and familiar in this particular "city". Once comfortable...well...you start exploring more. Catch my drift? lol. Anyway, great hub and very well written!


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 2 years ago Author

Amanda, Thanks for the comment and the vote up!

Thanks for the explanation of why people get lost in their hometown. :) However I'm willing to bet when it happens they (quickly) recognize a route to get them back on track to where they want to go.

Unfortunately when couples state they have "communication problems" they're often not talking about a "once in a blue moon" occurrence.


tazzytamar profile image

tazzytamar 2 years ago from chichester

This is exactly why you shouldn't pretend to ever be something you're not with people and especially the people you date . I think these things would drive anyone insane!


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 2 years ago Author

tazzytamar, Very true!

Unfortunately the old adage of "Be yourself" often gets lost when people are attracted to someone. They naturally want to "win them over".

They make it their priority to do and say whatever they think she/he wants to hear or do. They don't want to blow their chance! This happens with job interviews and probation periods of new jobs as well.

This explains the phenomenon we have where we think every new person we enter into a relationship is "the one"! (Until we realize they're not!)

It takes more time to get to know the "real person" than most people are willing to invest before committing emotionally.


tazzytamar profile image

tazzytamar 2 years ago from chichester

So true!


midget38 profile image

midget38 2 years ago from Singapore

Ah, you've brought to mind the need for balance. It's all about compromise is the old adage!


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 2 years ago Author

midget38, That's true as well as making sure you both want the same things and (naturally agree) on how to obtain them.

Like attracts like for the long-term and opposites attract divorce attorneys! :)


LL Fugate profile image

LL Fugate 2 years ago from Central Virginia

I think there is a lot of truth here. As I read each item on the list, an example would pop to mind, from my own life or the lives of my friends and loved ones.

Useful hub, voted up.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 2 years ago Author

LL Fugate, Thanks for your comment and I appreciate the vote up! :)

Everyone says or does things from time to time without thinking about how the other person may be interpreting our words or actions.

It's important to think first.


poeticmc profile image

poeticmc 2 years ago from San Diego, CA

Awesome article.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 2 years ago Author

poeticmc , Thanks for stopping by to read my hub and posting a comment.


C.V.Rajan profile image

C.V.Rajan 24 months ago from Kerala, India

A very interesting and engaging piece of writing! I really liked this sentence: "It’s one thing if there has been a lingering issue but to go from having a romantic passionate night to World War III is unfathomable to most men."


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 24 months ago Author

C.V.Rajan, Thanks for stopping by to read my hub and post a comment. I appreciate the compliment as well. Have a wonderful day!


Deborah Demander profile image

Deborah Demander 23 months ago from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD

I appreciate your insight. And your writing.

Namaste.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 23 months ago Author

Deborah Demander , I appreciate you dropping by and leaving a comment :)


peachpurple profile image

peachpurple 23 months ago from Home Sweet Home

you know, when i was open to my hubby of what i am unhappy about, he got so angry that he said you get out of the house. Hence, I never say another word about our marriage. Keep my mouth shut, no more complains


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 23 months ago Author

peachpurple, Are you happy with that arrangement?

"Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."

- Oscar Wilde

Anyone who would throw someone out of the house for expressing their unhappiness clearly does not view that person as being anyone "special".

Thankfully there are more than 7 Billion people on the planet. Odds are in everyone's favor that there is someone who would love and appreciate each and everyone of us! Each of us chooses our own friends, lovers, and spouse.

One man's opinion!


alexandriaruthk profile image

alexandriaruthk 22 months ago from US

Most men just want the basic needs, after that it is all sleeping time for them.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 22 months ago Author

alexandriaruthk, I agree with you that men are fairly easy to figure out and most just want their (basic needs) addressed and they'll be happy. :)

It's too bad there is such a reluctance on some of their wives parts! :)


alexandriaruthk profile image

alexandriaruthk 22 months ago from US

Well they need to do things too so that their wives will give them the baisc needs, lol


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 22 months ago Author

It's funny that in the beginning of a new relationship no one has to ask for "anything". Both people make it their priority to ensure the other person is "happy". :)


alexandriaruthk profile image

alexandriaruthk 22 months ago from US

Well marriage is just like that complementary, what you can get for each other, emotional or physical.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 22 months ago Author

I agree marriage should be complementary!

Unfortunately it's human tendency for many folks to treat "the new" better than the "tried and true". This goes for not only relationships/marriages but applies to jobs, cars, homes, and the like.

When they first get something (new) they treasure it and want to maintain it the best they can. After a period of time they "slack off" or do the minimum to maintain. As one employee once told a co-worker:

"I'm doing just enough not be fired and they're paying me just enough not to quit." LOL!

I suspect there are a lot of married couples who are doing "just enough" :)


alexandriaruthk profile image

alexandriaruthk 22 months ago from US

Or that is their best already, complacent.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 22 months ago Author

I imagine if it's their "best" then their mate wouldn't be complaining. They've been doing things in the manner that won them over to begin with.

Most complaints are the result of "changes" one observes in their spouse!Unless they married them hoping (they could change them) over time!


peachpurple profile image

peachpurple 19 months ago from Home Sweet Home

Thanks for being positive. I don't feel being needed in his life, that is the truth


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 19 months ago Author

peachpurple, Thanks for stopping by to read my hub and post a comment.

Personally I've always felt it was better to be (wanted or desired) than to be "needed". The word need seems to imply if it were "optional" a person would choose someone or something else. "If I didn't (need).... I'd be gone!"

Ultimately however all relationships are "at will". No one is "stuck" with anyone. Therefore if someone with another person it is a choice.

They may not like challenge of an alternative choice but nevertheless they feel being with them is their "best" option.

If he didn't want or need you he'd be gone.


lyoness913 profile image

lyoness913 18 months ago from Overland Park, KS

I would say that your 'infatuation' phase is like my 'euphoria' phase. And, there are lots of red flags during that time that we as 'newly in love horny people' choose to ignore. And, he can just as easily withdraw sex and turn her into an ATM machine- you just don't hear about it. You're a great writer. :)


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 18 months ago Author

lyoness913 , Thanks for dropping by and posting your comment. I appreciate the compliment as well.

I agree both men and women can treat each others like Human ATM machines. The "infatuation or euphoria" phase is what we've read in novels and seen in movies. It's a magical time that in retrospect is all too brief! LOL!

Ideally with age and experience comes wisdom enough to know you can't bet your heart on the first 6 months of any new relationship!

It takes some time to truly get to know someone.

Things don't start getting "real" until after you've had the first real big disagreement! Unfortunately if one is already "emotionally invested" they are far more likely to compromise on their principles.

Many so called "deal breakers" fall by the wayside when these situations appear in their lives. Apparently there's a big difference when talking about a "hypothetical" scenario and real life. Never say never! :)


davidcompass profile image

davidcompass 18 months ago

I really enjoyed reading your hub and some of the comments that have been posted. One woman who has been married for than 20 years told me that the keys to her happy marriage were emotional freedom and true friendship. She said she always made sure her husband knew exactly how she felt and he did not spare her either. I guess you could say that they had authentic communication with the aim of making each other better and happier! What do you think?


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 18 months ago Author

davidcompass, Thanks for stopping by and posting a comment.

Some couples really appreciate being "honest" with each other and many would prefer to only hear about the "good things". :)

Having said that I do believe people are their happiest when they feel they can "be themselves" completely without reservation.


Say Yes To Life profile image

Say Yes To Life 17 months ago from Big Island of Hawaii

Great article! I'd like to say something about point #4: men are microwaves and women are crockpots. It never ceases to amaze me how ignorant people are on such matters. I think lots of patience and buildup will do much to solve the problem. My favorote high school teacher said for a hot night, start in the morning. As for the actual act, it should take at least half an hour.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 17 months ago Author

Say Yes to Life, Thanks for stopping by to read my hub and post a comment. You make an excellent point about the gender differences when it comes to sex. However it always comes down to knowing one's mate is. This requires trying to get to know them as an (individual).

Not all women or men are the same when it comes to what they want/need. :)


serenityjmiller profile image

serenityjmiller 17 months ago from Brookings, SD

I appreciate the introductory analogy equating the development of communication problems to getting lost after you already know your way around... how disorienting it can be to go from feeling so perfectly "in tune" with someone to wondering what alien has inhabited your spouse! Thanks for sharing. :)


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 17 months ago Author

serenityjmiller, Thanks for stopping by and posting your comment!

Yes, "communication problems" don't typically start until after we've already been together for a while.

It's has nothing to do with expressing one's thoughts, being heard, and understood. More often than not the "problem" is someone is not getting what they want! :-)

Lots of people confuse "communication" with "action". Just because someone doesn't get what they want does not mean there is a "communication problem".


Benny01 profile image

Benny01 17 months ago from Lagos, Nigeria

Dashingscorpio, the issue of people pretending to be what they are not while dating would be solved when men/women should stop looking for Miss perfect or Mr perfect.

Both men and women are trying to paint the picture of perfection, remember pictures can be deceptive. A girl who doesn't like heels would be advised to wear them to attract men because that's what men likes, the image she would paint is not who she is. And at the end when she got what you called 'false security' she throws all the heels away and the man would be like 'she is not the same lady I fell in love with', very funny.

Everybody want to be loved and so when some people who are being themselves are not being noticed, they resort to acting (pretends) in order to attract what they want.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 17 months ago Author

Benny01, I agree with you but this is issue goes beyond people looking for Miss Perfect or Mr. Perfect. It also entails trying to convince other people that (they) are Miss Perfect or Mr. Perfect!

Essentially they spot someone whom they find extremely attractive or a "great catch". For at lot of people they automatically try to find out what he/she likes or wants from a mate and they present that to them in an attempt to win them over. Eventually they reveal their "authentic selves" after there's a commitment.

It takes courage to simply "be yourself" and let the chips fall where they may. This person may not like you as you are which means (they) are not the right one for you! It takes maturity for people to accept the fact that everyone they're attracted to is not going to be attracted to them.


tukicat profile image

tukicat 7 months ago

A question for you( the author) and the readers of this hub...

Why do most men find it difficult/ not know what to do with a woman who

Is financially independent and can provide for herself with ease

Does NOT want the man to provide for her or to buy her expensive gifts on special occasions

Wants to coexist as an equal partner and not want to be the 'boss' or be 'bossed' around?

Why is shoulder to shoulder co existence such a threat to a man's ego?

Is it the lingering caveman instinct?


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 7 months ago Author

Tukicat, Thanks for taking the time read and post a comment to my hub.

I've heard a few women ask similar questions regarding relationships where women out earn their male partners.

According to statistics women are not only more likely to be the primary caregivers in a family. Increasingly, they are primary breadwinners, too.

Four in 10 American households with children under age 18 now include a mother who is either the sole or primary earner for her family, according to a Pew Research Center analysis of Census.

Naturally on a global scale things will vary from country to country. However in the U.S. more women are pursuing advanced college degrees than men are many women presently earn more money than their mates.

As you noted (some men) may feel emasculated somehow but there are also lots of women who resent the fact that they are the primary "breadwinner" or earn significantly more money than their mates.

In part it's due to a clash with tradition and the "fairytale".

If a man pays it's romantic. If a woman pays she got used.

At least that is how many folks view the situation.

Some women who earn over $100k per year have said they want to only date men who earn as much or better yet more than they earn.

One woman on Hubpages recently posted a complaint about men with $10 per hour jobs having "the nerve" to approach her in nightclubs.

Clearly she feels she is "out of their league".

Oftentimes even if a successful woman in the U.S. who is attracted to unsuccessful guy she will fall into a trap of trying to "change" or "improve" him. She wants her man to be more ambitious and successful more often than not. Now days there are lots of men who would have no problem with women paying their own way or even picking up the whole tab most of the time.

Older generations of men and those who live in cultures where women walk ten steps behind men are most likely to have issues with women who are very successful. Since the dawn of mankind man has been accustom to being "the provider".

In fact prior to the 1960s in America it was not uncommon for most married women to be stay at home mothers.

Today's men welcome a woman who has her own money and is sexually liberated. Most men would not want to turn the clock back to the 1950s!

Having said that some women who are not in relationships have sworn that the reason why is because they believe they "intimidate me".

And yet Oprah Winfrey has a man, the CEOs for General Motors, Xerox, Hewlett Packard, Oracle Software, IBM, and General Dynamics are (women) and they all have husbands! These are Fortune 5oo executives!

Awhile back I wrote a hub on these topic.

For the most part men don't care what women earn. The things they look for are beauty/physical attributes, easy going personality, and a great sense of humor. They would rather date a waitress with those traits than a "plain Jane" standoffish woman who isn't enjoyable to be with. Not long ago a woman told me the first thing she does when she meets a guy online is send him her "LinkedIn " page.

First of all that's way too much information to be sending to strangers. Secondly a woman's "personal achievements" aren't the main way to attract men. For men it's about looks/sex appeal, personality, and humor! http://hubpages.com/relationships/lonelysuccessful...


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 7 months ago Author

I meant to say the following:

"Having said that some women who are not in relationships have sworn that the reason why is because they believe they "intimidate (men)".


tukicat profile image

tukicat 7 months ago

Thank you for your response to my comment. Guess we can discuss this back and forth forever and each make many valid points but remain inconclusive overall. For, gender stereotyping does not answer personal questions. And yet, when the subject is unknown to us, we can only resort to a ' best fit' approach.

I look forward to reading your hubs and hope that you may find my future hubs of interest.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 7 months ago Author

Very true.

However (gender stereotyping) matters very little if one is open to expanding their options when it comes to dating and relationships.

After all there are over {7 Billion people} on the planet!

Odds are in everyone's favor that there are more than a few people who would make an ideal mate for all of us.

Some folks are just "attracted" to people who have certain traits and demeanor. If they come across people without those traits they either look the other way or put them in "the friend zone".

The truth is if we want something different (we) have to do something different. However it's been my observation that most people would rather attempt to "change the world" than to change themselves! :)


Brandi Stone profile image

Brandi Stone 5 months ago from NC

Some women truly believe: “You have to train a man.” Very few guys are looking to be changed.

I believe this. There are two types of women who attempt to change men. The first type is the woman who sees the potential in her mate and makes an effort to say and inspire him to be what he desires. Some women can act as a motivator which in some ways can look like she's trying to change him. The there are women who have this bizarre idea of what she thinks he should be and will try to force him to be what she wants. Ultimately, a woman should simply accept her mate as he is. Relationships go a lot further that way.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 5 months ago Author

"Ultimately, a woman should simply accept her mate as he is. Relationships go a lot further that way." - Very true!

If you have to "train a man" he's not "the man" for you!

That's what I generally tell women who make that statement.

There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships: We either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have. Accept them (as is) or move on. The choice is up to us!

Very few people are walking around with one hand raised in the air screaming: "I'm looking for someone to change me!"

Most people want to be loved and accepted for who (they) are.

Thanks for your comment Brandi!


nnms profile image

nnms 4 months ago from India

What man want is respect and what woman want is love. Love her just the way she is then everything will fall into place.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 4 months ago Author

Unfortunately one of the biggest complaints couples have about one another is how much one or the other has "changed" over time.

It's almost a cliché to hear someone say:

"She/he is not the same person I fell in love with."

Essentially the person you marry (today) may not be the same person a few years from now. We're either "growing together" or "growing apart".

Thanks for your comment nnms!


Say Yes To Life profile image

Say Yes To Life 4 months ago from Big Island of Hawaii

"She/he is not the same person I fell in love with." Often, that is because women often put on an act to get a man, then shows her real self once the prize is won. There is a saying; "She thinks he'll change, and he doesn't; he thinks she won't change, and she does."

Honesty will do a lot to alleviate this problem!


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 4 months ago Author

Very true! There is a lot of "bait & switch" in relationships.

Generally speaking everyone puts their "best foot" forward and do everything they can to avoid "blowing it" with someone (new) they find attractive.

I've heard a similar saying:

"A woman marries a man hoping he will change and a man marries a woman hoping she will never change." I guess both are unrealistic! :)

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