GIVING BIRTH TO YOURSELF
Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilites within us and new beauty waiting to be born. -Dale E Turner
It's a defining moment in anyone's life once they realize they are "a certain age." I love the new show called "Men Of A Certain Age" because although they are talking about men; women have the same issues. I can relate to all three characters and it feels good to be able laugh about it.
The transition between young and old can begin in the blink of an eye. It began for me when my youngest child became pregnant and I buried my last and only friend. How did this happen? I read where the author wrote: The realization that finishes your youth, marks the midpoint of life and launches you firmly toward becoming what the French call a woman of a "certain age."
When Darryl, died it was if I was propelled into this state of self-examination and evaluation. You know asking myself: Am I living as God would have me to be? What have I done with my life so far? Where am I going? and How am I going to live out the rest of my days?
Turning 40 was pivotal enough! Half my life is over and some days are panic filled because the realization slaps me in the face that today just maybe my day. Don't get me wrong I love being in my 40's because this is a time of self-discovery and personal growth. I look back and realize, I made it! I made it through some very difficult times; times that nearly consumed me. If not for my faith in God, I would be dead. I have never been one to fear aging; as a matter of fact...I looked forward to it. I always judged my relationships by was this man someone I could see myself with sitting out on the porch in the swing while we watched the grandchildren play. The only one I could was the man "I married." Sad to say he did not share the same vision therefore, I will not have that happy ending. Oh well, it is what it is.
Going through the storms of life have left me somewhat weary; but I won't complain. Although, the way was rough at times, I have had a beautiful life. I was blessed with great parents. I have beautiful children and the love I've been waiting for all my life...my grandbabies! When those babies put those arms around my neck and those little lips kiss my cheeks..WOW! Everything is alright in my world especially when I see the light in their eyes "Just for Me!!" This is what you call true unconditional love. A love that has surpassed all my pains and heartaches. It's as if God took my pain and recycled it into vast amounts of love in my grandbabies' eyes, touch and smiles. They light up my world and I thank God for this blessing, because I know I am not worthy. They are my angels...my message from God...that HE LOVES ME! Through the love of my grandchildren, I was able to Give Birth To Myself.
Unlike many of my female peers. I am not trying to keep up with the young folks...been there, done that, don't want to go back. I am aware my outer beauty is fading and I am okay with that; because it's the inside of me that needs the beautification. Hell, Loreal will take care of the rest. LOL. As to where I suffered in my younger years with depression. Now, life is beautiful and I look at things more positively. I no longer worry about people's opinion of me and being reborn through grace...I AM HAPPIER FOR IT!!! Yes, my life remains to have it's ups and downs and many disappointments; so instead of situations dragging me down....I RISE, I RISE...THANK GOD ALMIGHTY....I RISE!!!!
The most important thing you realize about Giving Birth To Yourself is when you have a good sense of yourself. It's as if you are telling the world to step aside, nothing is going to hold me back! It's as if you are a child that realizes you can operate without moma. You are ready to experiment; try new things and probably for the first time in your life...Satisfy yourself rather than someone else. God Bless.