Get A Mate, Get Attached to the Right Partner

Surprising Secrets Finding Healthy Relationship

Our intimate relationships are the most important aspects of many peoples lives. Good, solid, fruitful and fulfilling loving relationships not only provide us with great joy and happiness, they also support our careers, inspire us towards the achieve
Our intimate relationships are the most important aspects of many peoples lives. Good, solid, fruitful and fulfilling loving relationships not only provide us with great joy and happiness, they also support our careers, inspire us towards the achieve

Together Forever?

What is Your Attachment Style?

People have different attachment styles. Some are anxious, avoidant or secure (or more rarely, a combination of anxious and avoidant). The relationship styles can predict the long-term success of a relationship.

Anxious

Some characteristics of the anxious are when you partner is away, you feel afraid they might become interested in someone else. They often worry that their partner will stop loving them.

Avoidant

Their partners often want them to be more intimate than they feel comfortable being. They find it difficult to depend on romantic partners.

Secure

They have little difficulty expressing themselves for their needs and wants to their partner. Sometimes people see them as boring because they create no drama.

Our intimate relationships are the most important aspects of many people’s lives. Good, solid, fruitful and fulfilling loving relationships not only provide us with great joy and happiness, they also support our careers, inspire us towards the achievement of our deepest and most cherished goals, and provide a deeper sense of both physical and spiritual well-being.

Dependency Paradox

Attachment principles indicate that most people are only as needy as their unmet needs. When their emotional needs are satiated, they usually turn their attention outward. This creates the dependency paradox. The more effectively dependent people are on one and another, the more independent and creative the become. The challenge among adults is the prevailing notion is that too much dependence is a relationship is a bad thing.

Elements of Attachment

Some of the attachment styles are it is easy to get close to others, being uncomfortable being close to others and being reluctant to get close.

How Can You Improve Romantic Relationship?

The first step is determining your own attachment style. Then you need to learn how identify the attachment style of those around you. How? Effective communication - the ability to satiate our feelings and needs in a simple, non-threatening manner beginning early on in the relationship - is the quickest, most direct way to find out whether your prospective partner will be suitable for you. The first five minutes of effective communication you will learn more than others learn in months of dating. If your date demonstrates a sincere wish to understand your needs and puts your well-being first, your future looks great!

Mismatched attachments styles create unhappiness in relationships. Relationships should not be left to chance.

Bank of Relationships: Get out of it what You Put into it!

Good relationships are a result of treating others the way you want to be treated. They do not just happen. A good foundation is to take responsibility for yourself and to have an attitude of gratitude. This is one of the most important choices to make to improve your relationship!

Sure, burning candles, taking a bubble bath, and doing special things helps, but the power of empathy is the heart of the relationship. What about a date night? Have you taken the time to determine what you want your relationship to be?

If you can dream of a good relationship, you can achieve it – with your partners help!

More About Family Relationships From Surviving to Thriving:

http://hubpages.com/hub/Yes-Mom-I-do-Remember

http://hubpages.com/hub/Days-of-Remembering-Why-Are-They-good-For-You

More by this Author


Comments 18 comments

MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 5 years ago from South Africa

Dallas, I don’t have any of the characteristics in your list. I am merely totally unable to fit in the little box most men want women to live in. I am not willing to be submissive to a man just because I am a woman and I will not obey any man with foolish and selfish agendas and ‘rules’. I just have to respect and admire a man before I can love him. He must be my master/king/superior in many ways, and he must allow me to be the same for him in many ways. Most men (I know) believe they loose their manhood in the presence of a woman who knows, or can do, anything he does not know or cannot do. I can’t love, and don’t even like, a man who needs to prove his manhood in any way (such as intimidating, humiliating and abusing others in his sphere.)

Unfortunately I’ve missed the opportunity to marry an admirable and respectable man, but that’s okay - at least they are all somewhere busy to make women and children happy. I have much-much respect for men who allow and encourage their wives and children to be happy and contented.

Thanks, dallas, for this thought-provoking hub.


dallas93444 profile image

dallas93444 5 years ago from Bakersfield, CA Author

MartieCoetser,

We are all unique. Perhaps you have not been aware when you did meet "Mr Right!" I believe relationships should be a "teeter-totter." (see-saw, back and forth, up and down).

Sometime each follow, or lead, sometimes one needs the other and VS. versa...

A man who is concerned about their manhood, probably should be concerned!

It is never too late to share, to experience synergy and be vulnerable with a significant other knowing your best interest are paramount...

Thanks for your comments!


Enlydia Listener profile image

Enlydia Listener 5 years ago from trailer in the country

I like the picture you chose for this article...hey, I know I should probably email you this question, but I am in a hurry...I know you have written about some unusual things (remembering your fiction story) and I wonder if you would check out my hub on the dead birds and answer my question at the end...I know you have unusual insight.


Darlene Sabella profile image

Darlene Sabella 5 years ago from Hello, my name is Toast and Jam, I live in the forest with my dog named Sam ...

Dallas, another smart hub, you are my hero my friend, this is excellent, and the right way to find the right person in your life, you got it right, this is perfect, this is a must read hub for everyone. I rate this up up up I love this hub love & peace darski


dallas93444 profile image

dallas93444 5 years ago from Bakersfield, CA Author

Enlydia Listener,

The path is different for us all. We decide what is in the front for us to explore... I am "thinking" about your topic... "interesting."


dallas93444 profile image

dallas93444 5 years ago from Bakersfield, CA Author

Darlene Sabella,

We learn as we teach... I am "practicing what I am "preaching!"


jacobkuttyta profile image

jacobkuttyta 5 years ago from Delhi, India

Very interesting hub. It is better to find out a good match before marriage than struggling after the marriage.


dallas93444 profile image

dallas93444 5 years ago from Bakersfield, CA Author

jacobkuttyta,

Amen to that! I have spent millions on two marriages... actually divorces.

I am still learning!


CMHypno profile image

CMHypno 5 years ago from Other Side of the Sun

I think that we are all still learning when it comes to relationships dallas! I think that the worst thing is fear and too many people just dive into relationships and then cling on because they are scared of being alone


dallas93444 profile image

dallas93444 5 years ago from Bakersfield, CA Author

CMHypno,

I agree! Most of us are "fear driven..." We fear success more than failure. We are used to failure. Success means a profound change...! We get to define success...


Sage1 5 years ago

Decent brief summary on attachment styles. You don't mention a couple of things that I will add: First, for most people who are at least relatively self-aware, one's attachment style can be evolving throughout life. This means that even if someone experienced distant and cold parenting, they can have the capacity to change. Second, a person's attachment style can have some components from other styles. Next, I believe that the suggestion of jumping right into a determination of another's style within the first few moments of meeting seems pretty unrealistic, and might even be off-putting to some otherwise secure individuals. Remember, just like most (if not all) human behavior, this stuff is on a continuum. Never-the-less, good information for the relationship toolbox.

Additionally, just a suggestion, you might want to consider proofreading your posts.:)


dallas93444 profile image

dallas93444 5 years ago from Bakersfield, CA Author

Sage1,

Great comments. Per Maslov, most of us never reach the "self-acutalization" mode... to attain "self aware" is a key component on ones defining who they are. An example, I have learned things I own, or do not own does not define me. This was a key component in the process of understanding my self-wareness...

Sometimes in our efforts to "change" we become the opposite of our parents... Then our children become like their grandparents!

As you noted, determing another's "style" is a process. One cannot determine in a few moments... From my expereince, I knew a lady for a year prior to marriage and as soon as we got married, she reverted to an unknown, her prior personality profile... The one I knew was a facade... a "fake;" an "actress." She was not authentic, true to herself.

We learn, or make the same mistakes and expect different results!

Proof reading: guilty...


justmesuzanne profile image

justmesuzanne 5 years ago from Texas

Lovely! Voted up and awesome! :)


dallas93444 profile image

dallas93444 5 years ago from Bakersfield, CA Author

justmesuzanne,

Thanks!


sparkscj73@yahoo.com 5 years ago

Dallas,

I am your greatest cheerleader! You never cease to amaze me. . . love must be authentic as most of us have learned through previous experiences throughout our lives. I fell in love years ago; ignored my heart and have been fortunate to find Mr. Wonderful again 32 years later! Relationship, security, sincerity, true love is the secret to our happiness! Interesting hub! You've got my vote! :)


dallas93444 profile image

dallas93444 5 years ago from Bakersfield, CA Author

Welcome love-of-my-life! You indeed have been and are the "Sparks" of my life!


kerlynb profile image

kerlynb 5 years ago from Philippines, Southeast Asia, Earth ^_^

I think I'm more of the Secure type. LOL :D Urgh, Sometimes I come across as boring since I love reading and blogging. Have to find somebody who understands me and my wants.


dallas93444 profile image

dallas93444 5 years ago from Bakersfield, CA Author

kerlynb,

You have a gift to comminicate... Be authentic and the rest will come... Kinda like,

"Build it and they will come..." Your background can be an asset. You get to decide...

Thanks for your comments!

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