How To Say Goodbye
Any time a relationship ends there will be a wide range of feelings involved. These may include anger, fear, resentment , pain, sadness, loneliness or even jealousy if one partner leaves the relationship for a new start with someone else. All of these are normal and require different methods of working through them and time. Some people are able to move on easily while others may require more time to adjust. There are some ways to make the transition easier.
First make sure that it is really over and if after soul searching you are sure it is then leave and make a clean break. Don't play the running back and forth game. This only makes it more painful. Talk to your partner if yours is a relationship where this is an option. If there is or has been abuse in the relationship it may be better to choose a time when you are alone to leave or have someone with you when you break the news to your partner. In the latter case your safety should be the main concern.
If you are the one doing the breaking up explain to your partner why you feel the relationship is no longer working and make your desire to leave plain. It is not necessary to blame, or demean the other person. Remember this was once someone you loved and cared about. If you are sure there is no repairing the relationship don't give your partner false hope that it may work out later. This will only prolong the hurt and cause unnecessary hard feelings. You may explain the reasons you feel the way you do but try to keep your words kind and the reasons real. If you are leaving to be in another relationship do not discuss your new love with your soon to be ex-partner. Also don't make comparisons such as "she/he can make me happier than you do" or "she/he is this or that and your not". If you have mutual friends and acquaintances or even just move in the same social circles, don't bad mouth your partner or air your dirty laundry, contrary to what you may think this may make them look like the bad guy temporarily but most people soon learn there are two sides to every story. Another good piece of advice is when its over don't keep calling to check on him/her, or to make sure they are okay. It may take them awhile to get over the relationship and you calling even if it is with good intentions will only make the time longer.
If you are the one being broken up with your feelings may include anger, resentment, and a very deep sense of loss if it was not expected. You may feel inadequate or suffer a loss of self-esteem. If the relationship has been rocky you may also feel a sense of relief that it is finally over. If you are feeling anger try not to let this dominate the process of moving on with your life. Remember that every minute that you let the anger take over you are letting your ex-partner take control of your life again. Retain your sense of self-worth and your dignity. Try to immerse yourself in activities that will keep your mind occupied and help you in the healing process. Don't call his phone just to hear his voice or play the song that used to be "your song" all the time and cry for hours. It won't make you feel any better in fact it will only make things worse by hurting yourself. If he/she has moved on don't be vindictive towards the new person in your ex-partners life. Don't key their car or call and leave ugly messages on their phone, this is not only illegal it is unhealthy. Don't let yourself go or drown your misery in alcohol or drugs. Do get a new look, make some new friends, take a class, anything that lifts your spirits and helps the transition easier. Last but not least don't waste time placing blame or talking bad about your ex-partner, it won't change things it once again gives the person control over your life.
If there are children involved don't use them to manipulate or control each other. Don't talk bad about the other parent to the children or make them choose between the two. If you can work out a way to share birthdays and holidays this is a great way to help ease the change for the children involved. If you are the one who must provide support for the children, please do so. The more amicable you make the break up, the less stressful it will be on the children.
There are many options when a relationship ends. Counseling and talk therapy are just two of the available venues. You may also seek pastoral counseling or just talking with friends. What ever you choose be kind to yourself and to others who may be involved in the breakup due to family ties.
Wishing you the best. Take care.
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