What the heck... I'm still crying?

What the heck? I'm still crying after two weeks.

He was a fantasy. A mere internet fling who never even gave me his home address or phone number. I called him at his work number. When his co-worker left for her lunch break. I was "the other woman." But I didn't care (at the time).

He let me know that his wife had shut herself off to him for over six years. When I told him I couldn't communicate with him anymore, knowing he's married, he said he "might throw up" he was so sick to think I couldn't be there for him in his darkest hour. As a recovering (and failing) love addict, and admitted co-dependent, I knew in my heart I could not turn my back on this man in his time of need. So I continued to email him. Against my better judgment. To my demise.

Song to drown out the pain.

So here I am, after over two weeks after he emailed me with a brief, "I can no longer communicate with you." My eyes sting from the tears of grief for losing my partner. The man who said he would be here for me through my most darkest moments, lightening my burden. He vowed to show my son how to be a man. My daughters would have a hero to protect them from the wolves that might show up at our door to court them. He promised he would never leave. He promised he would always be here for me.

Forever and always. Lies.

I am still in shock, and confused. I have no closure. Here I grasp, on the edge of this cliff, wondering what the heck happened that I'm here dangling to the rocks. Everything I felt was so real. My feelings were granted and approved by my one and only knight in shining armor. But I made the mistake of allowing another woman's knight to enter my life.

So, my bad.

Take heed other foolish lovers: you can have the best intentions for love, and maybe your prospect is sincere in what he or she promises, but without a true heart, free and clear of outside static, you are just a victim in the making. Tonight, my eyes sting bittersweet...

When I began to communicate with my "soul mate," I asked him one thing: to look up into the sky at night, and enjoy the moonlight. It would be as bright and captivating in states far away, as it was for me here in the "sunshine state." He agreed.

With his days spent pondering over "bullshit with flowers on top," I too, was there with him, feeling the nymphs, gnawing at his feet, trying to get the best of him. There are great moments ahead for both of us, I assured him. We had just spent a lifetime catering to others with the best intentions, hoping that God would see our sacrifices and reward us with our just desserts. It was our time now, to have the best moments shared with each other. We, if anyone, would be able to appreciate the depth of love and caring we could provide. He wanted to wash my hair like in "Legends of the Fall." I wanted to give him my soul, devotion, whatever I could to prove that this was real, like the tears that fell when he disappeared.

He was my apple pie. With whipped cream on top.

But none forever more.

Here I cry, and have my eyes sting, and wonder why life is so messed up. I did everything right. (Up until I continued messaging a married man). We both did. Please let some sign show the way that it has not been in vain. I have so much love to give, and yet, it falls into the stream of nothingness, flowing down creeks of bitter stone and sand.

End of rant.

Please look forward to the rest of your day. I wish only the best success to all my readers and beyond. If you have any "success stories" or words of wisdom you'd like to share, please feel free to contact me. Carpe Diem.


Love lost hurts more than being burned alive.
Love lost hurts more than being burned alive. | Source

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Comments 28 comments

moonlake profile image

moonlake 4 years ago from America

Same old story his wife had shut herself off to him. Did you watch Dr. Phil the other day he had this type of story on his show. As far as I'm concerned he was a predator of women.

He's on to the next woman he can get to believe his story. Sorry to be so harsh but that's the way I feel.

Don't know if your story is about yourself or just a made up story. Your hub was good and maybe it will help other women not to let this happen.


capricornrising profile image

capricornrising 4 years ago from Wilmington, NC

Hi Sheila - you have such great command of the language, an ease of storytelling. I'm wondering whether you've tried romantic fiction? You'd be terrific at it.

I've been wondering - is love addiction a clinical condition? I promise I'm not at all being snarky. I'm truly fascinated by the topic.


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 4 years ago from Southern California Author

It's real, moonlake, and it's amazing how even intelligent women can be fooled by smooth-talkers. I will never know what was the case in my story, because he stopped communicating with me. But hard lesson learned. Stay clear of men in relationships (or on the rebound). Thanks for commenting.


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 4 years ago from Southern California Author

Thanks for the kind words, Capricornrising. I don't know if love addiction is a clinical condition. I used to think it was a handicap, now I realize it is a gift to be able to love so much. My biggest problem is giving it away to those who don't value what I give. I would love to write romantic fiction, but I also plan to write my own life (love) story (s). Thanks again.


capricornrising profile image

capricornrising 4 years ago from Wilmington, NC

I bet that book will be quite a read! Best wishes for that project.


rambansal profile image

rambansal 4 years ago from India

I got stuck-up with a woman who was a long time online friend of mine. Later, I came to know that she in her life never got love and needed it. I extended with all my goodness, and wanted to adapt herself to a love-life with me. But she insists that she be loved with all her life-long flaws, which I don't agree to. We have fallen apart even without seeing each other.


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 4 years ago from Southern California Author

Thank you guys. I'm in tears at the moment. But with deep feeling comes great achievements. Thanks Capricorn. I will bring joy to my readers. With great suffering can also come monumental victory. But for now, I'm accepting the loss of love, so great, so moving. It still hurts. I hope that my "love" will find happiness. Even if not with me.


aDayInMyLife1 profile image

aDayInMyLife1 4 years ago from CA

Please read the book "Why Men Love Bitches" it is filled with valuable information. Most important lesson... Learn to love yourself and be able to be happy and content on your own before you get into a relationship and allow yourself to become consumed. Good luck and keep your head up.


capricornrising profile image

capricornrising 4 years ago from Wilmington, NC

Writing and crying: two of the most cathartic activities we could ever engage in, in my opinion. Positive thoughts your way! You're a beautiful woman, inside and out. I have no doubt at all you'll find the right one.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 4 years ago

It's tough being a "true romantic". My guess is you provided an escape from reality for him. However as time went on he realized he didn't have it within him to go throught the legal process of getting a divorce to be with someone he had never met.

Essentially he woke up from the dream. It's also possible his wife learned about the emails and he was forced to make the choice between for lack of a better word (the devil he knows) and the uncertain future. It takes more courage to end bad relationships than it does to cheat.

Ironically whenever two unhappy people get together romantic sparks fly. They become each other's "life-line". Maybe there is some truth to the old saying, "Misery loves company". Whenever we are "happy" or on top of our game we tend to be less inclined to open our hearts so quickly. You are going to be fine! It just takes time. Awhile back I wrote a hub about getting over breakups.

http://hubpages.com/relationships/Getting-Over-The...

“Some people think that it’s holding on that makes one strong; sometimes it’s letting go.” — unknown

“I don’t miss him, I miss who I thought he was.” – unknown


say-it-out-loud profile image

say-it-out-loud 4 years ago

we as women should always remember,when a married man is trying to add you to his stable,he's going to say how bad his wife is and what she's not doing,,,, he 's not going to say..I am just looking to you for some sex.....


Arizona Sue 4 years ago

This is amusement for men like him. Where's the dump button, I'll help ya press it a hundred times!


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 4 years ago from Southern California Author

LOL, thanks for that, Arizona Sue.... laughter is the best medicine, appreciate the comment!


Arizona Sue 4 years ago

Yes Miss Wonderful, laughing is good...and for Mr. Wrong, let's just hope he runs into Glen Close. Ha Haa HAaaaaaa


fjones0052 profile image

fjones0052 4 years ago from Washington State

You are still crying because it was a real relationship and you are a nice person. You thought you had found a fellow human being with the same views about life as you and the fact that he had problems in his life that you were able to alleviate gave you a sense of helping another person. That isn't your fault that he may have been untruthful. Your only fault is trying to make a purse out of a pig's ear.


carolinemd21 profile image

carolinemd21 4 years ago from Close to Heaven

Hi Sheila wow what a story. I've had a few friends that were in this situation. I also dated a guy who told me before that he was broken up with his girlfriend just to get back together with her before. What I learned is to stay away from anyone like you said on the rebound. It never works. I feel for you. What a scammer!!! You are better off without a guy who lies anyway. I feel sorry for his wife! Good luck and be happy you saved yourself from a lot more pain. Take Care.


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 4 years ago from Southern California Author

I agree with that, Caroline. As much as it hurts, I feel grateful that it ended before I became "the other woman." Physically. And for someone who experienced having my husband poached and family broken apart by a homewrecker, I would not be able to live with myself knowing that I did that to someone else. It really put things in perspective, and I'm glad I got a lot of "tough love" from friends who care about me.


misterbungle profile image

misterbungle 4 years ago from Los Angeles, CA

Sometimes it takes having to go through something like this to find what you're looking for. Its a fact of life. Hang in there wonderful1, as I can already tell that you deserve the best.


Lone Ranger 4 years ago

Sheila:

When does women's intuition kick in? I ask this because I hear women talk about it all the time, but when one looks at all their relationship disasters it becomes apparent that either female intuition is rarely employed or it's just a fictitious ruse meant as a substitute in the absence of sound rationale and logical thought.

It is said that unfulfilled and unrealistic expectations are the two main culprits behind unhappiness. Getting sucked-in by the Don Juan of the World Wide Web should sound an alarm. But, you shouldn't be as alarmed about his possible predatory intent as you should be about your own poor judgment.

Predators are all around us and they come in many different shapes and sizes. You cannot do much about them or change what they do, but you can change how you do business and this is best served by knowing yourself and coming to realize why you are engaging in this kind of risky behavior and thus leaving yourself open for more needless pain.

Sheila, I cannot answer these questions for you, but you must look inward for the answers otherwise disappointment will become your constant companion and I do not want to see that happen to you.

You are a grown woman, Sheila, and should know better than to believe in the promises of a fantasy lover (especially a married one) whom you've never met. Don't get me wrong...I feel for you, but we both know that this will happen again and again unless you deal with the issues that are driving this insanity.

Best wishes, be well and behave - L.R.


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 4 years ago from Southern California Author

Thanks for the comment, Lone Ranger, and I'll try to answer your questions:

I know that women's intuition is real, but like me, we women also long to be "swept away" and give others the "benefit of the doubt" or allow someone who apparently gives off red flags a chance to redeem themselves. In this instance, my antenna were picking up the bad vibes the moment I learned that he was married, and I acted accordingly by trying to cut off communication. It was my need to help others, and because I care, was easily "talked into" sticking around for a person with a bleeding heart. I mentioned again that I have no business talking to a married man out of respect for his unknowing wife, but with words like "destiny" and "meant to be together," my intuition was lulled by my sentimental side.

And you are right about how frightening it is that I would allow myself to be taken by a fantasy internet lover. I have spent many moments feeling ashamed and embarrassed because of this-- I'm so much smarter than that. I would have given my friends advice NOT to get mixed up with some "married" guy online. This person was keen to what I longed for, and knew what buttons to push (he'd been following me for some time on my blogs which shared my inner most thoughts). I really let myself down this time, but it's a powerful lesson in life that I certainly won't forget (or make the same mistake).

Lone Ranger-- you sound like an old friend of mine who I care about... do I know you?


Lone Ranger 4 years ago

Perhaps, but I am known by many names, Sheila, and if you think you know me it's because you already know, in your heart, that what I have said is true.

Best wishes and be well - L.R.


tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina

Wonderful1,

This is beautiful and touching. It sounds like you are mourning the possibility of what could have been. I think men do this to women because they are actually in relationships and it is a form of cheating.. where they get to experience that toxicating feeling of new love with no strings attached. I hope this doesn't make you stop looking and trying. Well written as always!


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 4 years ago from Southern California Author

Thanks for the kind words, tammy. He is a married man who claimed "on the life of his boys" that everything he said was true, and that he is divorcing his wife-- and NO WAY would he go back to her. I sure hope his boys are safe right now.


Aunt Mollie 4 years ago

Very interesting Hub. Getting involved with someone who is already married is like entering a bee hive. You're going to be stung.


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 4 years ago from Southern California Author

Really, and STING it did... thanks for the comment, Aunt Mollie!


Poetic Fool 4 years ago

I admire your style, openness and vulnerability in writing this. It must have been difficult for you. I'm not sure I could have done so. These are hard lessons to learn and sometimes have to be learned over and over. However, when it comes to affairs of the heart, the desire to know and be known intimately, we often cast caution aside hoping the risk is worth the chance of finding something real. Well, that my two cents anyway ... for what it is worth.


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 4 years ago from Southern California Author

I like your two cents, Poetic Fool, and thank you for sharing them with me. You're absolutely right about opening your heart to love is a gamble. The chance of having greatness is worth the risk (sometimes).

I still have hope, but learned a hard lesson with this one. My openness and "bravery" was a quality that my cyber-lover admired. I don't hold back anything about my most personal moments. I'm not ashamed of who I am, and hopefully my experiences may help others walking my path. That in itself is reason enough to have a thick skin about what I'm revealing. I appreciate the kind way you described that, Poetic Fool. It made me smile.... thanks. :)


Wanderer 4 years ago

"He vowed to show my son how to be a man. My daughters would have a hero to protect them from the wolves that might show up at our door to court them. He promised he would never leave. He promised he would always be here for me."

- And did it also occur to you that he also vowed to his wife "to love and to hold till death do us part". If he can't uphold this most sacred of vows and is willing to dump his wife and children for a fantasy, what does it say about his integrity, morals, values, and character.

The modern day notion of romantic love is based upon the fantasy that there is only one "soul mate" who will save us from the bad world, will make us complete and whole, and life will go on happily ever after. I think that this is total BS. Love is about an equal partnership between partners who accept each other with all their flaws. They should complement each other instead of completing each other.

If for some reason during your relationship you feel that it is no longer working and you have tried your best, leave BEFORE entering into another relationship. Most of the pain caused by break ups can be avoided by this one little piece of advice.

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