Giving relationship advice during a deployment

The little things are the hardest


This is a thing I always struggle with when he is gone, friends that need advice on their relationship. Most of me just wants to shake them and make them realize that they have their significant other to fight with, make up with, hug, be mad at, and enjoy. It seems, as soon as my husband leaves, everyone I know is fighting with their boyfriend or husband. It amazes me how many of my friends do not talk things over with their significant other. So many times friends come to me complaining about a habit their significant other has, but they have not talked about with them. It's times like these that I want to yell at them and ask them what they are thinking, not taking the opportunity they have to talk to their spouse or boyfriend and just straighten out the little things before they get so big they can tear you apart. It takes time to remember that the army has made me more open with my husband because I know that when the phone rings, he could be gone for the next day, week, or month. It is important for us to keep the small things dealt with and out of the way so that there are not so many fights looming in the future. I know it is sometimes necessary to vent to a friend before venting to your spouse because some things are so little, you feel silly for having gotten mad in the first place. Other things aren't so little and for the sake of not screaming, venting to a friend is necessary just to work out how to handle whatever the issue is. Inevitably, most fights are over things you can't even remember in the end, like picking up after the dogs in the yard, putting laundry in a basket, helping with dinner, asking if you need help when they get in from work, washing their hands after wiping the babies nose, or just giving you a heads up that he feels like he might be getting sick so that you can choose to stay healthy or risk having a cold. What most people have not figured out if they have not had to spend excessive amounts of time away from their significant other is that these stupid habits that drive you absolutely insane when your husband is home are also the stupid little things that make you miss them the most. I do not know how many times, when I am collecting laundry, I go to his side of the bed expecting to find clothes from one end to other only to find it as neat as I left it the day after he left. It is just another painful reminder that he is not there to be mad at and not there to make up with.

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