How To Avoid Gossip And Stop Letting It Destroy Your Life
Gossip is something I have grown to have a strong distaste for. It destroys relationships and creates unnecessary havoc. It is truly one of the seven deadly sins. Wait! (Laughing) I don't think it is one but it is definitely on the list of the Ten Commandments, number 8: Thou Shalt Not Bear False Witness Against Thy Neighbor!!!
I have experienced today some awful gossip, actually it wasn't severe, but it was just enough to throw me off, if you know what I mean? I have been spending the past month helping my Mom among other things, and today a verbal argument broke out between her and another person who lives here. I hadn't seen or heard much trouble in the whole past month until today. I know for a fact that in the past, my family always was on better behavior when company was around, and I also observed that since I have been a guest, things have been fairly great up until today. I can feel things starting to decline. And I know it's just a matter of time. In fact I knew this before this happened.
Honestly, I don't like drama or fighting because I grew up in a very chaotic home. Some people I have known in the past might disagree, because I used to argue a lot, BUT! I think it was because I learned it from my Mom and also....I was a lot younger then. I have learned and grown up or matured!
Anyway, one of the parties ended up venting to me of which I didn't really mind at the time, but I realized later how unhealthy it was because now it involves me. And even thought it wasn't about me per say, it puts me in a bad position because, I was listening to someone speak ill of another- of someone who I hold dear- MY MOM- and I feel guilty in fact for doing so. And so I should. Because gossip occurs when one listens as well.
I've never watched this show "Gossip Girl" have you?!
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Communication is a very important part of our society, but many do not know how to express themselves! Assertiveness is the key to good communication. Read on!
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CBT is a program designed to help individuals to overcome self doubts and learn assertiveness skills.
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Many people from dysfunctional families become codependent. How do we break away from this awful chain?
Why Does Gossip Exist In Your Life?See results without voting
Remove Gossip From Your Life
In the past few years, I began a process of "elimination" whereby I rid myself of unhealthy relationships. What I mean by this, is that I began to realize how certain "gossipers" in my life were making me miserable and I took a stand to go so far as stop communicating with at least one.
This has saved me much unnecessary misery and given me much more peace of mind!
Here are some suggestions from my experience of how to do this yourself.
- Start off with why you allow people to gossip in your life, or make you miserable. Is it:
- You are so used to it
- You feel you deserve it
- You are afraid to stand up to stop it
- You are afraid to lose a friend
Now that you have possibly identified why, you can take steps to work on this. Here are some helpful suggestions on how to deal with why you put up with gossip.
- Read/learn about codependency. Many people often are so stuck in unhealthy relationships and feel helpless and consider themselves codependent benefit from CODA- codependency support meetings! My first book I read on codependency was by Melody Beattie. I will post a link below.
- Develop Assertiveness to be able to stand up to people and tell them they make you uncomfortable. Do this by personal therapy, group therapy, or Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Start practicing setting limits and boundaries with people. Little by little over time, you can change!
- If you feel you deserve to be mistreated, STOP right now, and understand no one deserves to be mistreated!
It Takes Time
It's only natural to assume that ridding your life of gossip will take time. Nothing negative goes away 100% but we can always work on it, on a daily basis. For some people, spirituality helps and daily practices of prayer and meditation. For others, they have ways they stay positive whether it be sharing jokes, positive quotes, or having a smoke!
Either way, you can do it. It just takes time. Start by evaluating the people in your life. Make a list of them all, and put pros and cons next to all their names. Now put all the positive effects they have on you, and all the negative effects they have on you. [You can even call it "negatives" and "positives" or whatever makes you comfortable!]
After doing this, you should identify which people have the most cons or "negatives". Now you can focus on troubleshooting how to stop it!
- Being A Good Friend Is A Full Time Job!
This hub by carol7777 has been read many times over, and it just shows how it does take effort to have good friends! Any way you slice it, it takes work for happiness! (But don't lose heart- It gets easier in time!)
From someone who's done it!
Personally, I had an overly strong attachment to two people in my life who happened to be relatives, which can often be the case, because we acquire many of our strengths and weaknesses in our youth by our environment. But you can change all that!
I gave up talking to the worst of the two all together for months and they stopped contacting me or bothering me. Eventually they became an acquaintance. Second, I limited my contact with the other person, especially at times I felt more vulnerable than usual, and also I decided once and for all not to answer the phone if I was tired or not in the mood to talk!
That last one is VERY important!!!