Gossips and Busybodies

Oh my word! Did you know?..........

Save your strength. There is no sense in attempting to convince me that you never gossip.

I wouldn't believe you. No one ever freely admits to this nasty activity.

How is it I'm so sure of this? Because anyone with any sense of decency or grasp on socially acceptable behavior knows that to gossip is rude, cruel and results in unsubstantiated character assassination.

Mature adults should also be aware that spreading rumor a.k.a sharing the dirt is for busybodies and bullies. Frankly, this nonsense should be outgrown in High School. Not so. It seems some adults are only getting started.

Having said this, it would be fair to add, very few Politicians can be considered mature adults. They do however make major decisions that impact our entire country as they sling mud at one another non-stop.

Allow me to clear something up. The kind of destructive chatter I'm referring to would not include incidents of private conversations dealing with unpleasant issues people may have from time to time.. Human beings all need an outlet to purge or at least discuss the things that have a tendency to eat away at us.

In clarification, if you choose to spill your guts to your trusted sister about the fact that you have valid reason to believe that your neighbor's husband is having an affair with another neighbor's wife.....by all means get it off your chest. That surely beats the hell out of relating the same story at the hair dresser's with four other local females who lust for the scoop on anyone. This would include whether or not there is an ounce of truth to a story or it has been totally fabricated.

Please, can we not make it a practice to just believe every bit of idle trash we can collect on anyone.. to include people we don't even know? Does this make any sense to you?

A little idle chit-chat, anyone?

C'mon, you know those ladies.. who when they hear the words, "Can you believe what happened to...... their eyes light up, and they begin to salivate. (drum roll please) Introducing, "The Gossip Mongers." Men are not exempt from this group, by the way.

The reality is, I pride myself on tolerance but can readily admit I have none for the tongue-waggers of this world. Hard as I try to understand and accept, I see no justification for exposing one's own empty life by publicizing the flaws and vices of others.

If you find it difficult to see the nonsense in this idle chatter, simply pick up a celebrity gossip magazine off any shelf. In this case gossip is good. Having your name, your face and the latest stupid thing you did in public, is more exposure. More exposure is exactly what celebrities want.

But the reality for most ordinary people is we don't all have a public relation's manager, press agent, and tons of money. The same things many celebrities do that bring them fame, could easily get us into all sorts of legal troubles. The vast majority of ordinary citizens are not looking for publicity nor are they hoping to be noticed.

Loose lips, sink ships
Loose lips, sink ships

Let's Talk about this....

I'm sure that I feel strongly about this sad fact of human nature in large part due to my father's attitude and influence all his life. I can also give some credit to my own common sense

I recall being deliberately taught a lesson or two that ultimately appeared to be repeated as a mantra.

My Dad believed that parents could be sure to wish for a terrible and troublesome kid, just by judging other people's kids. I find that to be very true. Just do not slander the not-so-angelic-children of others. Your own darlings will transform and grow horns, before your very eyes. This of course, a punishment for participating in gossip.

Don't be foolish.  TALK is cheap.
Don't be foolish. TALK is cheap.

Good mantras to cling to.

If you're going to be adamant about something, it can only be a plus to hold tight to the basic rules of decency and common courtesy.

It's a good idea to remember that everyone is someone's son, daughter, brother, sister and chances are good that they are loved and treasured by someone somewhere. When tempted to bad mouth someone, think about that. Speaking from experience, it helps to keep the negativity down to a whisper.

It also helps to think about your own loved ones and how very hurtful it would be to hear a nasty or worse, untrue statement being passed around about him or her.

Does it seem a bit bizarre to you that I am suggesting ways to curb the unacceptable habit of trashing fellow human beings? It seems kind of sad to me.

Sooo...WHY do you suppose People Gossip?

All we can do is try to do what's right.
All we can do is try to do what's right.
Share goodness....Spare the trash-talk
Share goodness....Spare the trash-talk
Use common sense
Use common sense

No need to belabor....

Feeling fairly confident I have communicated my message here in terms of my attitude on the subject of bashing and trashing individuals at random for your own selfish motives.

We all have opinions and attitudes on most topics of conversation. These are mine on the simple and Universal behavior of using various means of communication to hurt, defile, discount and demean fellow human-beings.

I don't approve. It saddens me and more often, angers me. My only defense to it is to avoid participation......ignore the ignorance.....rebut the nonsense. Try like hell to maintain my respect and compassion for all people....and hope that I might pass on the same to those around me.

Just one more tidbit I'd like to share. I heard this or read this, at least three decades ago and found it well-worth submitting to memory. You may be familiar with these words.....if so, this is just a reminder.....If not, I hope you'll find it valuable enough to take to heart.

"Intelligent people discuss ideas........average people discuss events.......ignorant people just talk about other people."

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Comments 83 comments

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 2 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

C.E........Your comments are always enjoyable to receive......I completely agree with you that there is an enormous difference to stating and/or repeating FACTUAL information....."common knowledge," so to speak.....and utter untruths fabricated by hateful or spiteful individuals.

I hope I made this clear in my hub. The kind of idle and unkind chit-chat I mean to call out is something I'm sure we are all familiar with & have experienced.

I hear you loud and clear about those who will just blab for the sake of blabbing and have absolutely ZERO facts on the person or topic.....! The point is "OK ...it's fine if you're repeating the truth...but just HOW often do people really even know a fraction of the real truth?"

In any case.....I see that you and most of the comments are pretty much on the same page with this. For the most part.....I've learned how to play "deaf." Keeps me out of trouble. Take care! :)

Au fait profile image

Au fait 2 years ago from North Texas

Well, if listening to other people talk about other people is gossip then we are all guilty if we watch the evening (or other) news, because pretty much everything on the news and on talk shows is about somebody else.

Dictionary gives this definition of gossip: "Casual or unconstrained conversation or reports about other people, typically involving details that are not confirmed as being true."

I have always considered gossip to be negative unverified reports that are hurtful to the subject of that discussion. In other words, if you know it to be a fact it is not gossip. Telling your sister that your friend just had a baby is not gossip even though you are talking about someone else and reporting something about them, their life, and their family.

Telling your sister (or anyone) that your neighbor's husband just made suggestions that are inappropriate, or worse, put or attempted to put his hands or something else where it does not belong, is again, IMHO not gossip. If it is a fact, it isn't gossip. I know that is very gray area because it's a he says she says situation and no one can verify it. People have been known to lie about such things and so how can we know for sure?

I think it is normal for people to talk about other people, but if they are being unduly critical and purposely and without reason trying to harm someone with untruths, then I would say that is gossip.

There are some things that are very ugly and yet if they are true, I think they should be gossiped about. If you know for a fact that someone is behaving in an inappropriate way with or around children, should you not worn people you know who have children who might be affected?

I would caution anyone spreading lies about such a thing because again, IMHO, there is nothing worse than accusing someone of rape or child molestation and the like. I consider it one of the most reprehensible things there is to accuse someone of anything at all that will harm their reputation or ruin their lives if it is not true. If it is discovered that someone lied about such a thing, and I find out about it, they should be on their knees until those knees are bruised and bloody thanking God that I will never get my 5 seconds, much less minutes, to be God. And that is why of course -- God has the patients to be God where I would have this mess we call a world straightened out before you can blink your eye. ;)

Any time I hear anything about anyone, good or bad, I take it with a grain of salt so to speak. Yes, I give more credibility to some people than others, but I still like to make my own judgments and that means giving that, or any person, a chance to show/tell me who they are themselves.

None of us is perfect and most of us have some things we've done that we aren't proud of. People sometimes do things or say things in the course of learning how to live their lives that with experience, they would do differently, or not at all. I like to give people some slack whenever I can, if only because I may need some myself at some point. (I will for sure. I'm not Ms Popularity for no reason!)

Since some people are sharing motherly advice here: My mother said to never wish bad things on people because the person they will happen to is you. She was right.

I would go further and say one should be careful about saying what they would do if they were in so-and-sos shoes because they may very well find themselves in those very shoes. Those shoes will likely pinch from being too small or tight -- or trip you up because they're way too big!

In truth, if one were in somebody else's shoes, in other words if one were in fact that other person, one would do exactly what that other person did. That is because one would have the same knowledge, experience, and judgment, to call upon, because one would actually be that other person. What most people mean is NOT if I were you, but rather if I were in your situation. Even then the world may look a little different from that other person's vantage point. Actually being in a situation can be very different than looking in from the outside.

I don't think I've ever been in a situation where everyone is piling on about someone else. Usually it's me they're spreading untruths about. I wouldn't mind if they were speaking truth. You can say anything about me you want so long as it's the truth and in context, but lies are another matter. Still, when people are talking about me they're not skewering somebody else . . .

suri321 profile image

suri321 4 years ago

Great Hub.

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Well....Good for you for refusing to participate. I do participate, but only long enough to say something very passive-aggressive...to make the gossiper feel as SMALL-minded as they really are!

I have a favorite, I shall pass on to you.........when some catty bitch decides to say something negative (just to be nasty) about another woman.....I listen like I care......and then I'll say, "I'm surprised to hear this. I thought you and she were friends, because she certainly speaks highly of you......too bad she doesn't know who you REALLY are."........................Zing!!!!

cathylynn99 profile image

cathylynn99 4 years ago from northeastern US

as a child, i was outcasted for objecting to gossip at a birthday party. these days, i simply avoid gossipers. i'm polite to them, but no more.

my mom always said, "if you can't say something nice about someone, don't say anything at all."

Wesman Todd Shaw profile image

Wesman Todd Shaw 4 years ago from Kaufman, Texas

Sadly, that is very very true.....as I've been working, I've been hearing just that sort of person....paid gossips, they call them "Morning Radio Personalities."

I think "Paid Gossip" would be a better term for what those sorts do.

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Right, you are, boy toy!....Gossip is part of every day life...some people make a PAID career out of it....but they only spread gossip about celebrities......then there are the "unpaid," who do it for the sheer pleasure it brings them to TALK TRASH........we all know them!

Wesman Todd Shaw profile image

Wesman Todd Shaw 4 years ago from Kaufman, Texas

I'm not sure that anyone ever truly outgrows gossiping ...but there are certain types of persons susceptible to ....making it a fundamental part of their personality....and lord save us from those people.....amen.

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Human nature...sometimes it can drive us batty........When someone seems to want to gossip and starts blabbing something about someone...that doesn't interest me in the least....I usually say....."Hold that thought, I'll be right back.".......After a few times, even a moron gets the hint that I really don't have TIME to waste yakking about something that has Zero value to me!!! LOL

Cogerson profile image

Cogerson 4 years ago from Virginia

Not sure how I missed this excellent hub from the mind of fpherj48....but I might be 2 months late but I really enjoyed your thought process on gossiping....I kept thinking about many people I used to work with in the grocery business....it seems that every store I worked had people that loved gossip....probably spending 10% of their work day gossiping about other associates or company rumors.....I do not miss those days.....awesome hub....voted up and interesting.

MickeySr profile image

MickeySr 4 years ago from Hershey, Pa.

. . . yes, 'will' doesn't really work - try wire.

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Obviously we're on the same page......Raised in Small Town USA.....there were a ton of big news flashes floating around at any given time. Somehow, from a very young age, I was very adverse to this and would go out of my way to avoid it.....I always felt somewhat covered in dust and cob webs, discussing people and their lives, without them being there to speak up. Basically, even as a kid, I had a whole lot of more interesting things to do. I grew to literally hate all forms of gossip...and like you, the tabloids make me nauseous.......However, quite unfortunately, too many people just LOVE to talk trash non-stop. I've found myself trying to WILL their jaws shut!! lol. btw....it doesn't work.

MickeySr profile image

MickeySr 4 years ago from Hershey, Pa.

I am enjoying snooping through your hubs - again, as with your 'it's none of my business' hub, I really connect with this one. If I drive past an accident I have no inclination that I need to resist looking (if it just happened I will see if I can help, but if it's already being attended to I leave them all alone) or when sirens fly past my house I feel no prompting to run to the window to see what's going on - it's all none of my business ogling other's misfortune . . . if I can provide any aid that's one thing, but if I just want to see what's going on - it's none of my business.

Now, when people try to tell me 'the sister of this lady I work with lives next door to a guy who knows a woman who . . . ' I stop them and say 'you don't even know this person, I certainly don't know this person - why are we talking about her?'. Beyond the impropriety of gossip - who cares, and why? Talking about people is simply dull compared to talking about ideas and art and history, etc.

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Anaz93....I am honored by your visit and thank you for the comment, to include a quote from the Quran. I appreciate that you have shared this with my readers. Please stop by anytime......Peace

Anaz93 profile image

Anaz93 4 years ago

Again another interesting hub, well done :) It's a shame that all of us know someone who fits the description you put. I wonder whether the media (social and newspapers etc) have influenced how much people gossip over the years? Anyway, I saw someone put a few quotes from the Bible about back-bitting so here is one from the Quran:

"O you who believe! Avoid much suspicion, for some suspicions are a sin. Do not spy on one another, nor backbite one another. Would one of you love to eat the flesh of his dead brother? Nay, you would abhor it, [so similarly, avoid backbiting]." (Surah 49, Ayat 12).

rahul0324 profile image

rahul0324 4 years ago from Gurgaon, India

Loved the thought towards the end..... As a child... I thought gossip was a characteristic feature of women... I had seen it in my apartments kitty parties... and was glad my mother hated them...

But as I grew up... I met amazing women who hated gossip and foolish men... who loved to chit chat..

Personally I do not like gossip... but what I adore is your writing....

great hub Effer :)

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Too many people have too little diversion in their lives.....nothing interests them about their own life....so they go looking for excitement in the lives of others..........and sometimes, they just make crap up to cause havoc!

prettynutjob30 profile image

prettynutjob30 4 years ago from From the land of Chocolate Chips,and all other things sweet.

This reminds me of those nosy neighbors everyone has that literally sits out in their yards all day so they can spy on people Lol great hub voted up.

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

pagevoices.......I agree 100%.....that last statement covers it all quite well!!

Thanks for stopping by. Your opinion is always a welcome addition.

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

jpcmc......For certain....the workplace is an absolute breeding ground for the tail-waggers!! It's also a great example of giving us a clearer understanding WHY human beings love to participate in this evil sport.....envy, jealousy, one-up-manship, greed, brown-nosing, manipulation.........If ya can't win by accomplishments.....disable the competition!.......Isn't that special?

pagesvoice profile image

pagesvoice 4 years ago from New York/Pennsylvania border

Voted up, useful and interesting. It goes without saying that your closing statement hit the proverbial nail on the head. I often say that people with their own major character flaws gossip about others in an effort to make themselves feel good. Somehow that seems like twisted logic. By acting as the gossip a person attempts to remove the focus of their own misgivings by attacking the character of someone else.

jpcmc profile image

jpcmc 4 years ago from Quezon CIty, Phlippines

In some workplaces gossip is a culture. Unfortunately it's one of those that actually sap the productivity of the company. Worse, it can put strain in relationships. I've seen lives get destroyed because of gossip. I guess I should include this one in my list of complaints in your other hub. lol

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Hey there Jools.......thanks for stopping by......Yes, a little more kindness might just work!! I hope you have a great week!

Jools99 profile image

Jools99 4 years ago from North-East UK

Paula - I am not a gossip - I walk away when people are gossiping and if someone starts to gossip about someone to me, I usually change the subject. I think I probably gossiped a bit when I was younger but I have never been one to talk about others behind their backs - if I've got something to say, I usually say it. And I agree wholeheartedly with your advice about having a go about other people's kids - people in glass houses and all that! The Dalai Lama was once asked "What is your religion?" and he replied "My religion is kindness" - he's got the right idea. If we were all a little kinder to one another, the world would be a better place.

Becky Bruce profile image

Becky Bruce 4 years ago from San Diego, CA

Once again, I completely agree! And so true about words being detrimental to someone if they hear about it. What is always most comical to me is that most people talk bad about characteristics or actions they partake in themselves! Maybe since we are our own toughest critics we judge those more similar to us- often our friends and family- the harshest.

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Yes, Becky, you're quite right....it does seem impossible to NEVER gossip. I agree with you, simply based on the fact that it's EVERYWHERE. We'd have to wear duct tape across our mouths, 24/7.

But as I said in my hub, or at least tried to specify.......say you and I are friends and the two of us are discussing something of importance or a problem that needs solving. Absolutely some "secrets" and/or private issues may come into the conversation, that could put someone in a bad light. This is unaviodable....however you and I are not shouting from a roof top, or taking an ad out in the paper to bash this person in public.

This certainly makes a reasonable difference.

I think you might agree that sometimes, it might even go beyond silly and petty....right into detrimental or very damaging to a person.

One of the things that always eats at me is.....just how much of what we read or hear...or even SEE for that matter, is actually fact??? I think gossip becomes at it's worst when a total LIE is circulated just out of plain nastiness. Thank you so much for visiting! Peace.

Becky Bruce profile image

Becky Bruce 4 years ago from San Diego, CA

Oh this is great! It even ends with the quote my dad always said to me growing up! Anytime he caught me and my girlfriends gossiping he'd utter... "small minds discuss people...." I didn't realize it then but boy oh boy was he right! Obviously it's impossible to never gossip but you definitely hit it on the head with why it's such a silly and petty activity!! Thanks :)

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Maria....Thank you, to the hubpages "Interviewer" who has Barbara Walters, etal.....eating their hearts out!

I appreciate your visit and look forward to the next. Peace.

marcoujor profile image

marcoujor 4 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

FEELING FORTUNATE yet FEARING I have much FABULOUS writing still to FIND FROM your FINE FOUNTAIN pen..., fpher.

Loved this in every way! Voted UP & UABI. Hugs, Maria

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

AEvans & weestro

Both of you have the best attitude on this unpleasant reality....AND, very good ways to deal with it and dissuade people from the temptation to tear someone apart with their words. Consider yourself a defender of verbal assault!! Thank you

weestro profile image

weestro 4 years ago from Virginia

Great hub fpherj48, with great advice! When the whole "gues what so and so did" comes upI always tell people that I don't want to know....not because I'm above the gossip, I just know I can't keep a secret! If I don't know I have nothing to tell! Voted up and awesome!

AEvans 4 years ago

Amazing! This honestly needed to be written. When gossip abounds I nip it in the bud. If someone is negative I try to turn it to a positive and if it is toxic, I address it in a cordial manner. I don't find bullying, harassing or harming another humorous at all.

All of us have fallen to gossip and all of us know its not nice. I would rather be up front than be say it behind someone's back. I don't care if it is on-line or off. Enough with my babbling! lolo! Thumbs up and enjoyed. :)

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Thanks suzette....I keep believing in Ghandi's suggestion, "Be the change you wish to see in the world.".....I think group negative attitude & behavior begins with individual attitude, .......multiplies, festers and spreads........so I need to ask....wouldn't this work as well on the positive side?

Of course. Each one of us is responsible to start it from our little spot in this great big world. so simple.

Thanks for visiting!

suzettenaples profile image

suzettenaples 4 years ago from Taos, NM

Well said and well written. I couldn't agree with you more! We wonder why our children bully and that is what they see and hear adults doing. We have all been on the receiving end of rumor and gossip so we should all know how it can hurt and destroy. I can't believe it either when grown adults gossip. Thanks for writing a relevant and informative piece. And, I love all the quotes included here!

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Mel Chi I like to walk softly and carry a big hammer!

MelChi profile image

MelChi 4 years ago from Cape Town, South Africa

You've hit the nail on the head with this topic! Words of truth, and very well written! I enjoyed reading this, voting up, awesome and interesting! :)

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Yeah...I know.., right? A little touch of "gossip"...right smack dab in the middle of my GOSSIP HUB!!! Go figure! I give up!!

billybuc profile image

billybuc 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

LMAO....just way too funny!

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

bill......well LMAO...speaking of rumors.....hahahah, I wish Tammy would have told me this. I haven't a clue what you're referring to, bill.

I don't have a FB account.....never have. I have no idea what goes on there, nor do I care to.

My hub was written because Paula chose to write on this topic...although origninally, my thoughts leaned more toward bullying...and then I decided on gosiip mongering because I think adults tend to gossip more than bully.....even thought they are closely related.......I have always been averse to gossiping.

Sincerely......My hub has nothing to do with "crap from a FB site."......because if there is crap, I didn't get the memo!! Sorry to disappoint you guys...LOL

billybuc profile image

billybuc 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

I just heard from Tammy that this hub was in response to some crap coming from one of the Facebook sites....sorry I missed it... I would have had a hard time being quiet....oh hell, I wouldn't have been quiet at all.

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Well...of course .....the old School Parking Lot Gossip Circle.......uh-huh! This is where they whisper and point at everyone else's kids and announce the first negative thing they can think of about the kid.......and then make time to throw a zinger at the parents of that child...."No wonder the poor kid is failing..... look at her parents!"

What you must understand is, these pillars of the community have Honor Roll students......and thus the right to give a shot here and there to the struggling kids. Get with the program, Mr Holland, please.

btw....I have another new hub..."Sandusky...."

billybuc profile image

billybuc 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

Okay, so how come this got by me???? I am feeling like the ugly step-sister who is never told anything....in this case, my big beautiful sister is HubPages and she fails to tell me when you write something.

I know what I'll do! I'm going to start a rumor about HubPages! A little gossip if you will; certainly not meant to be mean or anything. Just a little joke among us friends, right? No blood no foul, right?

Do you want to know the worst place for this kind of childish behavior? The parking lot at the schools that I have taught at, and the worst gossips I have ever seen are the mothers waiting to pick up their kids. They are brutal but they will always say they mean nothing by it.

Pisses me off royally! Great hub with a message that should be force-fed to every braindead human being on the planet.

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Tammy......Thanks for such a nice, long and very intelligent response to my hub. You've stated some superb common sense thoughts. I especially like the share from Dr. Phil....very true.

Yes....for sure I agree that often, people "have it coming." My Dad would say....."There's only SO far you can push even the NICEST of people!"

This is very true. I have found with my own experiences.......I can ignore, avoid, and fluff something off for a long time.....but then at some point that ONE bad button is pushed and LOOK OUT.

Anyway....I've been mulling over maybe writing a follow-up hub on this about "recognizing and handling Gossip/Gossipers.......because the truth is, through the years of my trying to WIPE OUT nastiness, I have some interesting tricks..............Thanks again Tammy!!

tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina

Great hub Ms. P. One thing I dislike is that catty chit chat where people use gossip like they are in high school. I don't entertain that. Then we have that malicious troublemaking as you describe. When faced with type of person, there are times when it is necessary to protect yourself and others by any means necessary. That doesn't mean starting random gossip, but people should be prepared for the consequences when they write checks their poor asses can't cash. People like this normally have it coming to them and they are just shocked and amazed when when others don't take it lying down.

People need to consider their own karma if they feel as if they have been the target of aggressive gossip. As Dr. Phil would say, if one person has a problem with you, you can probably dismiss it. However, if 20 people have a problem with you and they all have the same complaints, there is probably some truth to their concerns and it would be a good time to do some serious self reflection.

Great hub that really suggests you have all the makings of a human BS detector! I was always told that when you purposley set out to defame someone else's character, you only make your self look like an idiot. And more importantly, if you decide to pick up a turd and handle it.. you are going to be left with $^*() on your hands. Enjoyed it.

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

awwwww, Martie...now I know without doubt that I am your friend......I've often heard it said, "When someone thanks you for being their toilet.....they REALLY love you!!!!"......ROFLMAO....you just cracked me up, Martie!!! I love you too!!

MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa

The scandalmongers..... seekers of sensation.

I have a hub about this very same topic, fpher.

But yes, we are human and we do need to get heavy stuff off our hearts. Only a very few people (like my mother) is able to never utter any negative thoughts and ideas about others. Though even she would reveal in private to my father (and since his death to any ONE of her children able to relate) all reasons of her frustrations - and obviously the reasons would always be the actions of other people.

The challenge is indeed HOW and WHERE we do it....

1) To get rid of irritating, senseless knowledge - like going to the loo, do it and pull the chain.... (Thank you best friend for being my loo...)

2) To defame others with the secret intention to blow your own horn - like shitting in public and throw others with it...

Oeps.... could not resist sharing this 'image'... Lol!

Voted up and well-said :)

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Pop....I suppose it would be no fun at all at the Inn, without a juicy piece of gossip or two!! What happens at the Inn, Stays at the Inn!!

breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 4 years ago

Let's face it, the world is alive with gossip. Sometimes it's no big deal, but often gossip is malicious and usually untrue or at least distorted. My grandma used to say "keep your own counsel". Words to live by.

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

LOL....Nell Rose...I love your attitude and your story about the bold, loud lady......ya shoulda BITCH-SLAPPED her!!! (kidding) No, I'm not, really.

I also love your last comment.....My Dad would always say, "Well, if they talk about me, at least they've chosen an interesting subject!!" Thanks for coming by........I'm still NOT flying!

Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 4 years ago from England

Yes I totally agree with you. I know it sounds hard to believe, lol! but I have never deliberately gossiped about anybody. I think that's one of the reasons why I got bullied so badly at school, I was just no good at it, and I hated it too. I always say if someone gossips about another person then they are just jealous of that person, there is no other reason, either that or they have a very boring life. apart from that I don't find it interesting to know someone elses business. Unless someone does something completely mad, bad or out of the ordinary then I may mention it to my family but that's it, the second someone starts to gossip I head in the other direction! lol! I remember one time at school, my sons school, a woman came up to me in front of everone, never seen her before, and she said, was it you who was gossiping about me? everybody went quiet, she was one of those people who scared the life out of others, but not me. I turned to her and in my loudest voice said, why would I talk about you? you are not interesting enough! lol! and my favorite saying? gossip about me if you want too, at least this way you are not talking about anyone else! voted up, and thanks for sharing! nell

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fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

teaches.......If only people could understand that their habit of trashing others only serves to label them as worse than those they gossip about !!Thank you for your comment. I always appreciate your visits.

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teaches12345 4 years ago

Great words of wisdom, fpherj48! People often share their most intimate thoughts with people they hardly know and then are surprised when it comes back to them from an unexpected source. The damage is done and little can be done to amend the lies. Thanks for sharing this hub. Voted up!

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fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

unknown spy.....You are correct. There can be much damage done.....even beyond the subject of the lies. Somehow, family, friends and loved ones are not taken into consideration. Peace!

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fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

shea duane.....This particular Board member, Ms. Destructo and her 2000 emails, should not only be exposed for her shameful lies......she should get busy now, writing APOLOGIES to the offended teachers.

However, this is not apt to occur. Is there time to get into the basically flawed make-up of this type of snake in the grass?

unknown spy profile image

unknown spy 4 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up.

Excellent write! Words, once spoken cannot be forgotten.. Its very ugly and rude to gossip, it can ruin someone's life.

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shea duane 4 years ago from new jersey

Great hub... and you are right about people in politics. Last year, one member of the Board of Education in my town made up all kinds of stories about our teachers because there were issues with the new teachers contract (the teachers were really taking a beating). At one point, this Board member sent around an email saying the teachers had positioned themselves outside the school to intimidate the children. The email must have reached 2000 people. I emailed her and said that the incident had never happened; I was there. I got an email back from her saying OK, I won't tell anyone else. She never told anyone that she'd made up the whole story... damage done. If you ask me, she should have emailed everyone and said it wasn't true. This is the kind of monster that is on our board of ed.

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fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Ruchira.....teen-agers can be excused, to a point, for this immature behavior........although I have a feeling, this age is probably a good time to learn important lessons in how we interact with one another.

It's good when we may get ourselves into a troublesome situation via the inconsiderate use of words......lessons must be learned at some point.

I'd like to tell you that you don't necessarily need to "restrict" your talk. In fact, the best scenario is to USE your voice to express your aversion to trashing another human being....

Thank you so much for coming by. I am always grateful for your comments,

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fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Dexter...I not only don't mind, I appreciate your contribution. These are quotes worth memorizing.

I believe I may be overly aware of the serious psychological damage caused by this shameful behavior, based on 40 years of dealing with people who have suffered, despaired and had lost so much due to having their lives torn apart. The tongue is a lethal weapon.

When you spend that many years seeing the pain and looking into the eyes of victims, you can only build an intolerance for certain shameful activities.

I would love nothing more than for people to understand that "this" is one of those shortfalls of human nature, that is eliminated one individual at a time......(like the dominoes falling). I like to suggest to someone......be the first domino......it all begins with one......exactly the same way the gossip starts.......only in your case.....you have the courage to stop it.

Thanks, Dex

yssubramanyam profile image

yssubramanyam 4 years ago from india, nellore. andhrapradesh

gossip with wise is beneficial. time pass gossip is no good. i like hub.

Ruchira profile image

Ruchira 4 years ago from United States

beautiful hub, Pamela.

As a teen, I used to love to chat and gossip but, learnt it the ugly way when I got between the she said and he said thing. It was a mess and then I learnt how useless it was 'cause I spent days apologizing to my friends over it...phew!

As a mature adult...I feel emails are good way to communicate...short and sweet. phone calls usually tend to make me go the different way but, am aware of it and try to restrict my talk...lol

voted up and shared across

Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States

Hi Fpher! Thanks for writing this hub. More of us need to stay clear of those that spread MESS! I hope you don't mind but as a reminder to those that believe in a Supreme Being (and for those that don't, the lessons are still worthwhile), here are a few words of wisdom from the "good book."

Proverbs 21:23 -

"Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble."

Psalms 34:13 -

"Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking deceit."

James 1:26 -

"If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person's religion is worthless."

Proverbs 10:18 -

"The one who conceals hatred has lying lips, and whoever utters slander is a fool."

Matthew 15:11 -

"It is not what goes into the mouth that defiles a person, but what comes out of the mouth; this defiles a person."

Psalm 141:3 -

"Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips!"

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Pamela......There should be more people like your grandmother in this world.......and I'm sure she was a positive influence in your life! Thank you for commenting.

Moonlake......Getting into the middle of a marital issue is dangerous, crazy and bound to end up badly for all involved.......I like the 3 monkeys, myself......see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil!! Makes life much more peaceful. Thanks for stopping by!

moonlake profile image

moonlake 4 years ago from America

You are so right about other people's kids. You just never know why kids are the way they are and it could come back bite you if you gossip about them or put the blame on the parents.

I also hate people that love gossip so much they will run to the wife and tell her the husband is running around. They get pleasure from that.

I babysit a little girl at one time and I knew her Dad had a girlfriend. I could tell, he was late to pick her up. All dressed up smelling good. I just would not tell her mother. That is something I feel people should find out for themselves. Not only that it's a good way to lose a friend.

Voted Up

Pamela Kinnaird W profile image

Pamela Kinnaird W 4 years ago from Maui and Arizona

Very interesting hub. I like the adage -- although I can't remember the exact words -- that it takes just as much energy to think and say good things about a person than it does to think and say bad things about a person, so think and say the best of all people, all the time. My grandmother was truly like that. If something negative was said about a person, she would say something nice about the person immediately and then change the subject to something else entirely so that people's thoughts might go to better ideas.

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fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

RBJ....I'm pretty sure that "gossip," by definition, leans to the negative...don't you? Saying something positive would be labeled a compliment, a tribute, a nice story......but I wouldn't call a tale about a hero....."gossip."

It is the purpose/intention of gossip that is difficult to handle. To literally MEAN to hurt someone or damage their reputation by using a viscious tongue....spread the dirt.......that person should be ashamed. Problem is, they're not. Thanks for reading....

RBJ33 profile image

RBJ33 4 years ago

Good hub - well written - is there such a thing as positve gossip, or is gossip by its nature negative? There is no antonym for the word gossip.

Runabstract - your boss seems like aperfect candidate to set-up with either a nasty rumor about him, or a flattering rumor about him. Where I once work the standard was "if you don't hear a good rumor by 10 AM. start one"

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fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Thanks, Vee.....not a single one of us can say we've never said something we wish we could take back........but most of us learn the hard lesson after a few screw-ups........

I actually know women who will say something nasty about someone they dislike.......purposely to have it get back to that person. I think those are called the "Cowardly gossips!" How low can you go?

It's life, I guess......but we don't have to like it and we sure as heck don't need to encourage it....Thanks so much for the visit and the SHARE!!

Victoria Lynn profile image

Victoria Lynn 4 years ago from Arkansas, USA

I agree with molometer. Excellent rant and well-written. A good reminder for us all. I like the photo that says words can be forgiven but not forgotten. So true. There are words I've heard in my life that I have never forgotten. By the same token, there are things I'm ashamed I have said that I hope the other person has forgotten! Nice hub. You do well. :-) Sharing this one.

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fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

molometer......I'm flattered by such a complimentary comment from one of Hubpages finest writers. Thank you.

I truly appreciate the SHARE because my own ability is limited since I have no social media accounts....by choice.

I love your comment about avoiding contamination....because that is the very purpose I believe is to "poison." Shame on them and Bravo for people like you! Peace!

molometer profile image

molometer 4 years ago

What a fascinating topic. Gossips and busybodies are a plague.

I avoid them for that very reason alone. I don't want to get contaminated.

Excellent rant and well written.

Voted up interesting tweeted & sharing.

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

GF...this would be a perfect "anti fan letter!!" Go for it! No one does it like you girl! and that AIN'T no gossip!!!!

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fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Run Abstract.....How unprofessional of a boss. He lessens his respectibility as well as credibility.

If you ask me....this guy wants to collect "the goods" on his employees as a means of manipulation and/or power.....

Sounds like a real ass. HA! I can say that...I don't work for him!

Sunshine625 profile image

Sunshine625 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

You've done wonderful conveying exactly what you intended to convey. I totally dig it and totally avoid people like that. I refer to them as lurkers. Not a fan of them. I could write an anti-fan letter to them! Haha! Joke!

RunAbstract profile image

RunAbstract 4 years ago from USA

I work under a "boss" who just goes from one person to the other spreading the dirt! It is so frustrating. And we all know it happens, and most have learned to keep any personal opinions about others or personal aspects of our own lives to ourselves when this busy body in within ear shot. But I can't tell you how often the "boss" swoops in on private conversations, and demands details and so on.

I believe this person thinks knowledge of underlings is a TOOL to use against them to sway situations with the bigger bosses. And since I avoid contact outside work, I can only imagine what this persons "friends" have to go through!

Great Hub! Voted up and more!

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fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Julie......"Poisonous" is an accurate term......It appears obvious to me that people either do not realize how damaging and hurtful spreading gossip and rumor can be...OR, they take actual pleasure in intentionally causing harm to others.......the 1st being inconsiderate, to say the least and the 2nd being totally unacceptable.......

All we can do is, like I said, be a better example.

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fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

sunshine.....I hope that I was able to convey what I was intending to.....I am basically referring to the people (that we ALL know) who pretty much live to get into other's people's business.....and gab about town to whoever will listen about the "negative" issues of others.......the ones who believe that if they trash someone else, they will appear to be a cut above......who are vocal and public.

two people sharing an opinion or an issue in a private setting is not what I consider being a gossip or a busybody......Thanks for the comment gf.

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lovedoctor926 4 years ago

Your welcome! Lol.. I agree.

Julie DeNeen profile image

Julie DeNeen 4 years ago from Clinton CT

Great article on gossip. It is poisonous for sure!

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fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

lovedoctor926 Can we all say, "Cuckoo?" There are nut cases everywhere.......stalkers, peeping toms, con-artists......they just help the rest of us stay on our toes.... Thanks for stopping by.

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lovedoctor926 4 years ago

Excellent hub! I used to write for a site where this woman (cyber-bully) became fixated with me. She started spreading nasty rumors about my character and reputation to other people. Mind you, I've never met this woman nor anyone on the site for that matter, but you'd be surprised how many people out there would actually believe the lies! And even after I left the site, many writers have informed me that she has continued spreading rumors about me. I don't let it bother me anymore because I know who I am. I don''t need to prove myself to anyone.

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Sunshine625 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

I was a bit concerned until I got to the part where you said venting or showing concern is not gossip. Phew!! I don't consider myself a gossip...seriously who has time for that? I state the facts jack. A well needed article. I'm sure many will think twice the next time they decide to spill the beans. Ha!! You got my votes!!

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fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Thanks Starmom41.....and here's to ignoring the clucking hens!!

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Starmom41 4 years ago

Excellent hub, & accurate info!

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    Paula (fpherj48)849 Followers
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    Paula has freelanced for nearly 40 years. She has a passion for her forte of Behavioral Science & continuing education in this field.

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