How to Handle your self, For a Happy Relationship- For guys
As a man growing through life, you will encounter numerous challenges. In this article however, we shall focus on one particular huddle that every normal living male has to overcome before gaining the right to claim success in life. This is nothing other than how to handle your self in a relationship. (Romantic relationship of course).
So you have learned well past the level of how to successfully overcome your fear and have mastered how to approach that gorgeous belle who works your adrenal glands so hard that your heart wants to pop out of your chest every time you set eyes on her. You are surprised she likes you as much as you do her and have finally hooked up with the girl of your dreams. Now you have that heavy feeling all over your mind. That horrible feeling of uncertainty of how you will take it from there. How you will keep the fire burning and how you will beat off the ever growing competition. Your heart is racing even faster and your mind is hatching all sorts of schemes. The good news is that you are not alone, are neither the first nor the last. Here are a few things you should keep in mind, to help you deal with this pressure.
Be the man and take the lead
According to Elliot Katz, author of ',a big number of men assume that the key to a happy relationship is being agreeable to everything their woman says. He adds that older experienced men in fact advise younger men that the key to a happy marriage is "yes dear". A big fraction of men in relationships will play the sensitive guy who tries to please their women at all cost to the extent that when it comes to a problem which needs to be solved he seems oblivious and when asked for in put on decision making, all they can give is "it is up to you dear". 'Being the strong man a woman wants
You have probably heard that girls are attracted to bad boys but want to settle with the nice guys. That’s probably true. We are talking about two extremes but then there is you. You can decide which side suites you. The point here is that this girl likes you, regardless of your preferred categorization. So it is up to you to organize your self into the man worthy of a woman like her. Happiness in this relationship will be a responsibility for both of you, but as a man you need to play the leadership role to make it work. It is a responsibility men took since the beginning of time when God created Adam and Eve, so there is no shortcut. Remember in any peaceful kingdom, there can only be one(capable) king. Whenever there is a situation, step forward and attempt to solve it. Make decisions and take full responsibility for any outcome. A man who can't decide is a total turn off in the eyes of many women. Don't be afraid to give your honest opinion on the matter, in attempt to please her. You will only frustrate her further. Even when it comes to deciding where and how the tow of you should spend the weekend, she needs your input and needs to feel that you are the leader and are capable of protecting her.
This however does not, give you the right to strip her of all her freedoms and treat her like your possession for manipulation at your time of convenience. Studies show that 55% of all relationships break up as a result of one partner feeling trapped and losing basic freedom. The big question is how do you deal with this?
It is important to remember that you have a life full of friends and family, beliefs, work, hobbies, dreams, likes and dislikes (and hopefully socially acceptable values). So does she.This is a very good starting point towards a happy long relationship. As the relationship unfolds and grows with time, all you need is to be yourself and live your life as she found it. (AND LET HER LIVE HER’S) Spending time with your friends helps you to avoid having all your mental energy invested into her.(see three signs of a successful marriage) Take your time, invite her into your world and let her explore, as you explore hers. You will both make discoveries. Allowing her to live her life not only helps you to understand her values and goals in life as you compare them with yours, but also empowers you with the confidence to walk into her world and cause some changes. This is important because this is the healthy phase in the relationship for open negotiation which must never be rushed. As time glides by, you will become used to each other enough for you to gain your assertive ground. She will start pointing out the hills, valleys and plains, gardens bushes and forests in your world. This is a good sign that you are progressing so Do Not Panic. Live it a day at a time as it unfolds. You will need your head as much as your heart in this phase because there will be need for compromise and a few changes to each of your worlds in order to forge compatibility. Through open communication you will learn what you are willing to accept and what you can’t take and its then that you can decide how far you really want to go with her. Never make the mistake of completely forsaking your likes and values for her happiness. You will never find happiness. Remember she is not a goddess like your silly heart is telling you. She is as human as you are. So she needs to value you as much as you value her.
Keep your game growing
At this point, you have been together with her for a while, done all the things that lovers do in romantic stories and have decided that you love this girl. You value and respect her and see yourself spending along time in a relationship with her (probably leading to marriage). This stage is crucial and the world will be waiting to judge the man in you here. For some reason the number of beautiful girls around you will increase. The number or girls attracted to you will double dramatically, but worst of all the number of girls ready to make a move on you will triple because you are now mature experienced and attractive( and its visibly obvious). What will you do.
One way to grow your game is to flirt. Don’t be freaked out because these gorgeous girls have their eyes all over you. But neither should you be overly excited. Put your feet out into the risky waters of flirting, and let it flow. Dr Trina Read, an expert in human sexuality defines flirting as the art of making the other person feel beautiful. In her article "to flirt or not to flirt" she expresses strong belief that if handled right, flirting can be a useful catalyst to get a spark going in a relationship. Flirting is good for you, as it keeps your game at romance fresh. As you flirt with that attractive babe, your mind is working hard to invent strategic techniques to keep her interested. You also learn a few things from her style if she is not a novice. This is good because it works on your confidence level. It improves the value of the man in you, in your own eyes and gives you a general sense of happiness. You will thus always have the appearance of a happy attractive man. This doesn’t mean however that you should flirt with every girl who crosses your path. This is counterproductive and kills any value in you. You must choose your targets with care. Draw standards that are nothing less than what you have in your girlfriend (if you value her) and please stick to them. The more value you appreciate in your own eyes, the better you will be at making important decisions in your relationship. And the better you will be at deciding whether you should dish yourself out to every girl that you come across. As you grow your game, use these new skills with your girlfriend. Your relationship will always be fresh and will rarely feel boring for you both.
Be the man that your girl deserves
(As long as she deserves you anyway). There are so many ways of keeping the passion burning and you have seen many in some meaningful movies. Much as you need to live your life, she has now become part of it and must feel like she is a priority in your life. Spend quality time with her; take her out to nice places with good food. (Good food is as healthy for any healthy relationship as good sex) Never ignore her when she speaks to you in public or in private. Not even when you are angry. This adds to your authority as a man in the relationship. Introduce her proudly to your friends and make sure they understand that she is important to you as much as they are. Allow her time with her friends and never be possessive or she will run for dear life. Remember however, that she must have worked her way to deserve all this – she must be worth it by your standards. It must never be a one way affair or you will be sucked dry of any happiness. If you find that you are working your ass off to treat her like a queen but she is taking you for granted, it’s time to try your luck elsewhere.
Remember that not all relationships are meant to last a lifetime (live happily ever after in marriage). Some are for a reason while others are just for a season. So cut all the fuss and start living in the real world. But then again, a hen is never certain whether its egg will hatch into another of its kind or it will turn into an omelet, but that doesn’t stop it from laying it any way, leaving it to fate. You may borrow a leaf.
Sex outside the relationship
Whatever you do, DO NOT sleep with anyone who is not your girlfriend -as long as you are in a relationship- it’s called cheating. This is usually a little bit hard for most normal men, but a brother has got to try if you love your girl as much as you claim. As you flirt you must draw a line beyond which you must not tread. You have gained all you wanted in the show and have also boosted her confidence by showing her that she is attractive enough to catch your attention, but it’s time to remember the forbidden grounds beyond the line. Avoid leading her on too far into thinking that you are emotionally available. Introduce your girlfriend early enough in the flirting game and carefully observe your playmate’s reaction. Most morally upright girls subtly refrain from the whole game and wish you luck. Then there will be those who will honestly want a one night casual fling with no strings attached. They are usually very convincing and even promise to respect your girlfriend. Don’t fall for such lies. Keeping your soldier zipped up has several advantages;
1. It keeps your conscience clean. A guilty conscience is the mother of all meaningless arguments. Any attempt she makes at pointing out your usual little flaws will be perceived by you as suspicious mind set. You will never be able to make constructive objective arguments and you will sound foolish and egocentric because you are fighting to save your shameful face. Literally speaking, you will have given away your upper hand in the relationship. And in attempt to regain it, you become bitchy.
2. You will learn how to trust yourself and consequently trust your girl. After cheating on your girlfriend, things start to change around your life (and this is in your eyes). You became overtaken by this consuming fear that she will find out somehow. So you engage in unusual traits that eventually give you away. You become overly protective with your property such as phones, laptop, and wallet. You agitate over simple questions such as why you came home a little late this time. You lose trust in yourself because you feel you fell so easily and let the love of your life down, but you are too adamant to admit it. Gradually you start pushing her away, she seeks refuge with her girl or boy friends (on Facebook and other hangout places) then you grow suspicious because you think she is walking in your footsteps. Your lack of trust spreads and now envelopes her and yet chances are she is genuinely innocent. Even if she was actually cheating and you know it, you will be afraid of airing it out because you think she will expose your dirty secret. One act has spoilt the trust you had in yourself and in the love of your life. On the other hand if she is cheating on you for some reason (and it is a painful possibility because she is not an angel), and you haven’t cheated on her yet, you are the saint and have every right and moral authority to confront her.
3 You will be safe from HIV and other STIs. It is true we shall all die at some point, but there is no need to rush into it. Avoid all the drama that comes with being on the sexual network, for a happy long love life. Statistics from the World health organization show that about 0.8%(56,000,000) of adults aged 15-49 years world wide are leaving with HIV, although the burden of the epidemic continues to vary considerably between countries and regions. The disease is real and as present as WiFi technology. So is gonorrhea, and other STIs, so please take care.
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