Has My Partner Cheated On Me? Secret Signs To Watch Out For

Has my partner cheated on me signs to look for
Has my partner cheated on me signs to look for

The Obvious And Not So Obvious Secrets Of Cheating

We all know someone who has been cheated on. Whether it's a friend or even a family member. But how can you tell when your partner has cheated on you? There are various ways of finding out. Some of the signs are blatently obvious.Your husband or boyfriend comes home smelling of perfume. That is such a cliche' but you know what they say about cliche's. They are true.

But most of the time it is more subtle than that. In this article I will base the cheating on the husband or boyfriend. But of course it can be the girlfriend or wife who is doing it. To notice if your husband is having an affair, there are a few things that you need to do. And some of them are not that obvious.

Have you found any signs of a cheating husband? Public Domain
Have you found any signs of a cheating husband? Public Domain
is he secretly cheating?
is he secretly cheating?

Using Your Intuition.

This may sound obvious. But the majority of women get that feeling when they suspect their husband of cheating. It can be a tingle down their back, or a horrible gut wrenching feeling in the stomach. So what starts it off?

It can be something as subtle as your husband or boyfriend being late home from work. Now I know that there are many other explanations why he would be late, but hear me out. You know he is working from 9 to 5, and he has never phoned to say he will be late before.

So when he gets home you start to get suspicious. This is the time that you need to step back and not wade in with all guns blazing.

For a start, he may well be working late and won't be very happy with you accusing him of infidelity just because he had to finish of the work on his desk. But this is a good starting point for you to gett your intuition into gear.

Is he acting differently? Not something as obvious as buying you a bunch of flowers, but something more subtle. Obviously you won't be that suspicious if its just a one off late night work, but if it happens more frequently then you are within your rights to start snooping around. So, he comes in from work and decides to go outside and cut the grass. Is this normal? No? This is a sign that he is up to something.

A good idea is to write down his weird behaviour. You know him like a book. Any deviation from the norm is a good sign that your husband is cheating on you. Most men and women who cheat are very clever at covering their tracks.

They are not going to come indoors smelling of perfume or aftershave, and offer you a gift. They have seen the films, watched their friends get it wrong and have worked out their own plan of action.

These days the signs of cheating are much more subtle. So beware.

how to know when your partner is cheating
how to know when your partner is cheating
Its the little signs that tell your partner is cheating on you and having an affair
Its the little signs that tell your partner is cheating on you and having an affair

The More obvious Signs Of Cheating.

First we will cover the obvious signs of cheating. Well, they are obvious to us, but not everybody has gone through this before, so bear with me.

Get your Sherlock Holmes gear on if you see him:

  1. Showering more often.
  2. Sneaky phone calls in the dead of night.
  3. Getting his friends to phone you to say his phone has died the death.
  4. Particular attention to hygiene. Cleaning his fingernails for example.
  5. Suddenly starting to take you out more often. It's called a guilty conscience!
  6. Attending to your every need. Well at least making you a coffee, getting your slippers or taking the dog for a walk without moaning.

These are just a few signs that your husband is having an affair. But us women are not stupid. Oh no. One of the most common ways that a woman knows her husband is playing away, is if the wife and girlfriend happen to be at the same party. Work do's are the best way to check out your competition. Notice which woman tries to keep her distance from your partner.

Does he look in her direction more than others? A good idea is to get him to hand out a few drinks. Notice the way that the woman takes it. Does she ask for a particular beverage or does he drop his guard and automatically hand her the right drink? If you see this, then you can bet your bottom dollar that this is the woman who is trying to take your husband. Just remember, that woman will not just be after an affair, she will want more in the long run. What you do is up to you then, but remember to try to retain your dignity. Punch ups are not a good idea at a works lunch!

Is your partner hiding signs of cheating on you?
Is your partner hiding signs of cheating on you?
Secret signs your partner is cheating on you
Secret signs your partner is cheating on you


Women Cheat Too!

The Secret Signs Of Cheating.

This is aimed at the long term relationship. The reason being that when you have lived with someone for many years you will get to know them better. Obvious? Yes.

And that is where the trouble lies. Why? You ask. Think about it for a moment. You know your partner so well. Everything that do is written on your mind. Just like a book. You know the cover, the insides and every chapter. Not.

Yes, when you first met you asked each other questions, got to know their families, work, hobbies and just about everything else. Each new thing was an experience. You mentally wrote it down, stored it away and kept it like a photo album in your head.

Each chapter was there for all to see. But then you got complacent. You don't need to read all of the book again. You know exactly what he is like. The front cover is there, so that's okay.

But you are not always together. As the years go by you start to branch out on your own, and so does he. But you know him, so that's fine. Wrong.

Each chapter starts to have holes in it. Every year you are together may leave great gaps in the paragraph of your lives. This is when he can fill those gaps with infidelity. He knows you think of him in a certain way. And he plays on it.

So what's the secret?

You don't have to wait for the sign that he may be having an affair. Sound stupid? Hear me out. You have got complacent. You have been married or living with someone for a long time, in fact it may not even be that long. But you know him. Or think you do.

Do a healthy relationship check.

Stand back and look around you. At the house, the garage, the way you live and everything that makes you, well, you. Just because he or she hasn't done anything suspicious doesn't mean that they haven't been getting away with it for ages. Maybe even months or years.

You have to remember that the way you see your relationship and its complacency doesn't mean they see it the same way. The best way of cheating is to incorporate it into their every day life. Soon it becomes so familiar to them it ends up being part of their lives.

So, wait until they go out. Preferably for at least a few hours. Then stand back and look at the house. There are so many cupboards, wardrobe's, under the stairs and other secret places that you just do not look in. Why?

Because you know what's in there. Or do you? When you moved in you placed your stuff around the house, shoved old books, papers and just about everything else in those spaces. Then you forgot about them. You know its only got your old stuff in there. So why look?

Just remember, your partner sees things differently. He or she gets to know that you ignore those small cubby holes. So he takes advantage of them. The problem is, psychologically you believe that you think the same way as he does. Wrong.

See your house with different eyes. Go check on these old secret hidey holes. Look in the back of the cupboards. If you are going to discover something then these are the places that will be hiding your partners secrets.Trust me, I know.

Go through his jackets in the wardrobes. Check all the pockets. If there is any restaurant tickets that you know nothing about you will know he is playing away, having an affair, call it what you will. Did you find a Jewelry Bill? Not yours? There you go. People are very crafty when they are having an affair.

They will use all the little tricks to keep you in the dark. But the funny thing is that they can get lazy. They may use those cupboards, but after a while they will just throw the secret tickets or presents in there. Your not going to look are you?

The one thing I would like to add is, please do not get paranoid! Just because he or she has taken up a new hobby, joined the gym or decided at the grand old age of 40+ they are learning to paraglide, don't presume its an affair. It could just be midlife crisis! No, seriously, we do strange things as we get older.

And of course we try to stay healthy too. If you do get suspicious of their new health hobby, then ask them if you can go along with them just to see if you want to join, or just watch them for the day. Then stand back and watch their reaction. If you are really clever, and can spot signs of dishonesty, then those few seconds will be the one thing that will give him or her away.

So there you have it.

And of course if they come out squeaky clean, that will mean one of two things. They are totally innocent, or just very clever at hiding their affair.

Just remember to reward them, like you would a pet. If you can prove that they are telling the truth of course. Buy them a little something. But be careful. They may just start checking up on you!

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Comments 219 comments

Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 21 months ago from England Author

Hi asmith, thank you so much for your invitation, Unfortunately I live in England so there isn't anyway that I can get there, which is a real shame as I would love to have been part of the show, but thank you anyway, Nell Rose

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asmith176 21 months ago

I work for The Studio (production company for networks like Discovery Channel, TLC, ID) and we are working on a new TV series helping women who have been conned by someone they love. We have three really great private investigators offering their services for free on the project. If this is something you might be interested in, please send me an email at dana_lillie at discovery dot com. Thanks!

Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 23 months ago from England Author

Hi WomanWonder, what is it with men? they are so obvious sometimes! sorry to hear that you have been cheated on, good for you for ditching him, I am sure a real guy will be along pretty soon for you, take care, and thanks for reading, nell

WomanWonder 23 months ago

So true! When I found out my ex was cheating, I thought back on a million red flags that I had brushed off trying not to look like a psycho. Maybe this will help someone:

He hated Mt Dew. Only drank Coke. I kept noticing Mt Dew cans here & there in places that his roommate would never be- his car ( he would say a friend rode with him) or in his bathroom.

He was a total slob & after washing his sheets just 3 days before, he was washing them again.

A condom in the trashcan. I thought well it's been a while, but surely that is too obvious.

He would retell me stories, whicb was out of character for him.

Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 2 years ago from England Author

Thanks Carrie, glad you liked it, nell

carrie Lee Night profile image

carrie Lee Night 2 years ago from Northeast United States

Good througho hub :) Voted up and useful.

Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 2 years ago from England Author

Hi Shirley, sorry to hear that, and that is the trouble sometimes, if we have low confidence its easy to blame ourselves. She needs to get away from him and stay on her own for at least a year, so that she can find the real 'her' if you like. I am sure one of these days she will realise, maybe she needs to see him in action with a girl in a pub or restaurant maybe, face to face, that way it will be real to her, then she will get rid of him, I hope it works out, and thanks for reading, nell

Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 2 years ago from England Author

Hi Anonymous, lol! thanks for reading, nell

ShirleyJCJohnson profile image

ShirleyJCJohnson 2 years ago from Sallisaw, OK

I wish my daughter could read this hub article. The first thing you talked about is going with your gut instinct. She has had this gut instinct, and several disturbing phone calls with her boyfriend. She knows what's there and that he's cheating but she has so little self worth that she thinks it's her fault and keeps forgiving him.

Anonymous 2 years ago

Well some people will still continue cheating after you found out their affair, no shame at all! Oops even some mistress acting so tough cos your husband/partner is on their side lol, shameless people.

Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 2 years ago from England Author

lol! thanks lilly, glad to help! haha! stay on your own, that way you won't want to kick that darn man out! thanks for reading, nell

LillyGrillzit profile image

LillyGrillzit 2 years ago from The River Valley, Arkansas

Wow! Great article Nell! I am getting PTS just reading through all of these "signs and wonders" of relationships. Being a long time single can seem a bit lonely, but I am not crying my broken heart out, nor considering felonious behavior. The only person I have to worry about respecting and loving me, is myself. Thank you for this timely article, because recently I have been getting weak with wanting companionship. Er, no thanks. I will stick with my Bird.

Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 2 years ago from England Author

Hi SoMany, First of all I am so sorry you are going through this. I will try to answer this without getting emotional about him, even though just reading this makes me want to yell at him. But first of all I believe I can answer your question about why her? The trouble with human emotions is that the hang on, even though its many years ago this happened between them, it still reminds him of back then. There is nothing easier than having an affair with someone you are so familiar with like he is with her. All men lets face it, and even some women, at some stage in their marriage get the urge to stray. Most of them don't do it. For two reasons. One they find it hard to start a new relationship because they can't remember or get to embarrassed to try, and secondly they keep it as a secret fantasy, some even going on line to get their kicks but without meeting the woman or ever getting involved with sex.

other guys who cheat tend to do it right from the word go, as its easy for them.

This case is really different, he knows her, there are no barriers to breach here, its straight in and back to their old ways. Now, saying that, its your turn. not for an affair, but for you to stand up to this insensitive man, and make a stand.

You love him, I know that, and there is a lot of history between you. He knows that your love will chain you too him, so in a sense he can get away with murder so to speak.

But you have to realise that love has to get out of the darn way for a moment, so that you can think straight. To do this, imagine you only met him a while ago. really put that thought behind it.

Then think to yourself, would I put up with this bull if he was a new guy in your life? No, you would not.

You have to sit him down, and really let him know you are serious. Say to him, right, you either break ties completely with her, or you are out. No arguing, no begging and no bullsh..t! You don't want to hear, 'she is only a friend, its only a joke and so on' tell him in no uncertain terms that you are not stupid, and stop treating me like an idiot'.

Then put your foot down. Really mean it. What ever you do don't go back on your word. If you really mean it, he will know. And one more mistake and you throw out his clothes, his stuff and shut the darn door! or maybe move in with a relative.

Lets face it, if you really want to prove your point then stand in the middle of the road and yell to her, hey b....tch come and get him! Then throw his stuff at her! why should you not tell the whole world? that way he will be as humiliated as you.

Please come back and let me know what you have done, okay?

And good luck.

Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 2 years ago from England Author

Thanks ps, sorry to hear that, yes sometimes we can't see what's going on and sadly this does happen a lot, hope your having a great day, nell

Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 2 years ago from England Author

Thanks so much for the share, have a wonderful day!

pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 2 years ago from sunny Florida

Well done....and so true.Sadly I was not in a position to do these things..he was thousands of miles from me ...long story...he wrote every day...and we talked on the phone as often a young married couple could afford. I wish that I had had 'eyes' there to tell me.

but I did find out once we were reunited and I ended it.

So many times I have heard over the years ....o you should have stayed blah blah blah..stayed for what ...to wonder who he was with yet another time? If he did it to me, it would do it to the next one. and the did to her and to another and another....

thanks for the heads up to those who may not Want to know what to look for voted up and shared Nell

Angels are on the way to you ps

Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 2 years ago from England Author

Hiya habee, yep still here! lol! yes we women know, in fact I yelled at my old man before I knew anything! Just got that gut feeling, and went for him! lol!

habee profile image

habee 2 years ago from Georgia

I think oftentimes that women "just know." I did with my ex!

Nice to see you still hang out here.

Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 2 years ago from England Author

Hi moonlake, its so darn difficult isn't it when we know what they are up too? I tried telling my friend many years ago, and it broke us up for quite a while, she never did apologise for her attitude, and I learned something, never open my mouth again! lol! thanks for reading, nell

moonlake profile image

moonlake 2 years ago from America

I once babysit for a couple and I knew he was running around I think before she did. He was late picking up baby, dressed up when he never was and that awful cologne he was wearing. My mother said tell her I told her no way. I wasn’t positive of anything and I’m not getting involved in their business and maybe ruining a marriage if I were wrong. You always lose your friends if you’re the one to tell. She did find out he was running around. Ended their marriage. Voted up on your hub.

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