How Do I Get My Lazy Husband to Help With Housework?

 

Is your man a good for nothing, lazy, TV watching slob? Okay, that may be harsh, but maybe he's just an ordinary Joe, a card carrying member of the Sofaholic club. While you bust your hump to finish the dishes, laundry and cleaning, your husband channel surfs and falls asleep on the couch. He doesn't even notice that you are one dish towel away from a physical meltdown or that you secretly want to string him up by his big toe. If this describes your predicament, join the club. Women, the nation over, are exhausted, beaten down, and in dire need help. They need their husbands to step up.

How to Get Your Husband Moving

Here, in no particular order are six thoughts about men and house work. If you want help, study these ideas and make them your own.

1) Don't tell him to do more than one thing at a time. Tell him one thing he can help you with and leave it at that. Don't, under any circumstance give him a list. Men are genetically wired to reject all lists. If you do this you are doomed to fail.

2) Don't nag. It's an issue of stubborn will and you will not break him. The more you nag, the less he will do. Just ask once and leave it that.

3) Let him decide the timeline. This may sound counter intuitive, but it works. Men need to be in control. The minute they feel threatened they flee. If your man runs, then there is no way he will ever complete the job. Besides, when he completes the job, his pride will be surely let you know that he did it before the time elapsed.

4) Notice what he does, not what he doesn't. Let me put it this way. Imagine if your husband pointed out all of the flaws in your appearance and never noticed your good points. You would eventually break down and stop caring about your appearance. It's the same way with men and housework.

5) Don't asses or redo his work. If you want a job done by your husband and his work doesn't meet your expectations, do the job yourself and don't ask him to do it in the first place. The problem may just be your expectations and not your husband.

6) Let your man be the hero. A man loves to do heroic things for his wife. The problem with housework is your man doesn't understand how it important it is to you that he helps. In many cases, especially if you work, day to day house work is incredibly tiring and draining. It's a burden. He doesn't see the slow burn of exhaustion as easily as they see other threats to your well being. For him to truly understand your difficulty, you need to make a point of explaining your predicament, not in a condescending or angry to tone, but in a manner that conveys your predicament and desperation.

In the case that your husband is a total Brick head and doesn't respond to any of the following tips, then it's time to buy a sledgehammer. Don't jump to conclusions; you're not going to use it on him. Buy the sledge hammer, unplug the TV and drag it out to the driveway. When he comes home from work, just as he turns into the driveway, lift up the sledge hammer and smash the crap out of the TV. He may just get the message.

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Comments 177 comments

mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 8 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Great advice and very funny hub, well done. I am one of the lucky few, my Husband actually willingly does housework, although if he washes up it is a bit hit and miss. Still, at least he tries!


sschilke profile image

sschilke 8 years ago Author

mistyhorizon2003,

You are a lucky woman.

Thanks for your comment.


Dottie1 profile image

Dottie1 8 years ago from MA, USA

I guess I would have to consider I'm too one of the lucky ones. As long as my husband can move himself beyond his tv addiction he does do a very lot around the house. Very funny hub. BTW, stopping to think, I can use some of these tips on my son, he definitely needs some clean up!


sschilke profile image

sschilke 8 years ago Author

Dottie,

I have to say that your husband reminds me of myself. I'm do a decent job helping out.... when I can pull myself away from the tv.

sschilke


Constant Walker profile image

Constant Walker 8 years ago from Springfield, Oregon

I was ready for an insulting rant about men, but this was a very good piece. Really! Excellent and very intelligent suggestions, Sschilke.

I'm a single man so I cook, do laundry and clean, all for myself, and won't tolerate living in a filthy environment. My brother and I were raised by a single mother so we're both like that. I don't know what this says about a two parent household, but it's interesting, eh?


sschilke profile image

sschilke 8 years ago Author

Constant,

I love the "eh" on the end.. brings me back to my Canadian roots. With those (not tolerating a filthy environment) credentials, Constant, I can't see you staying single for long :).

Thanks for the comments


talented_ink profile image

talented_ink 8 years ago from USA

I'm just glad I don't have a sledge hammer...or someone to use it for that matter. lol You never cease to keep the jokes coming though.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

The other option is don't do the housework either.  When he asks what's up with that just tell him you only have so much energy in a day and you had to make some labor decisions to keep your sanity. You'll either find he becomes motivated to do the stuff that is important to him, or you may discover that you actually don't mind a little dust.


Totally Frustrated Wives 7 years ago

Excellent advice! As busy wives, we forget that men aren't wired the same way as we are and most need gentle handling in order to get them to do chores around the house. The key is to only give them one task at a time and to praise them for doing it. When they feel good about their contribution to the household it makes them willing to do more!


CouchPotato 7 years ago

Take your top off...that will get him off the couch.

If it doesn't...kick him to the curb.


Feline Prophet profile image

Feline Prophet 7 years ago from India

Housework is like therapy for my husband - he says dusting helps him relax - which suits me just fine! :P


RGraf profile image

RGraf 7 years ago from Wisconsin

Sounds so familiar. I found that mine like when I give him just two things to do and then really praise him.


KCC Big Country profile image

KCC Big Country 7 years ago from Central Texas

Very good advice and oh so true!


Pregnant 7 years ago

My fiancé does things everyone now and then when HE feels like it. What I don't understand is why when we (women/mothers) spend all day cleaning (and some of us even working outside the house) we don't get thanked. We're just expected to pick up the washing/rubbish etc. we're just expected to make the beds, do the dishes....but when a male does one thing he expects a medal? I know my fiancé works full time, but on weekends and after work all he does is sit on his butt and play the playstation. There could be a big pile of dirty laundry right in the middle of the doorway and he'd walk over it, he wouldn't think to put it in the washing machine would he. Every few weeks he might cook (which is great) but then I'm the one left with all the mess afterwards as well as attending to other housework duties and the kids (we have two of them, soon to be three). He mows the lawns about once a month and takes the rubbish out and wants me to help him. When I ask him for help I get "I help you by staying out of the way" I am a stay at home mother right now, anyone who says being a mother is not a job needs a good wake-up call. I plan to go back to work within the next few years. And I tell you what, if he doesn't start helping with the damn housework (I mean everyday and not just once every few weeks/months) and I come home from work and have to do everything, sh!t is gonna hit the fan!


exhausted mum 7 years ago

As i sit here taking the odd break 2 try 2 settle my 3 kids, my husband who has been on a drinking bender all weekend is now passed out on the lounge. Great advice but i think forget the first 5 steps and just pull out the damn sledge hammer!!!


sschilke profile image

sschilke 7 years ago Author

Pregnant and Exhausted mum,

I think I should re adjust the last step and advise using the sledge hammer on your husband :)

sschilke


ChannAngel 7 years ago

LOL--good article, but you forgot one--tell your husband about "Choreplay"--

"OOOOH baby! Fold those towels! you're turning me on!"

"Wow honey, by you doing all the dishes and vacuuming the stairs, I have an extra 10 minutes for you before we go to bed--You standing by the sink is HOT!*wink...."


Jennifer Bhala profile image

Jennifer Bhala 7 years ago from Upstate New York

Yes, who said it is a woman's job to pick up after the entire family?

I did that for too long. A husband and 3 sons, and a daughter who helped while she was at home. Now I refuse to do it any more.

Mothers/wives need to have a life too, not just watch the rest of the family have a life while she does the sloberly work.

Just remember mother's; bring your boys up with the right understanding about these things and then more husbands will not need 6 ways to be enticed into doing their fair share.

By the way PREGNANT: Don't wait till you "go to work in a few years" as that is insinuating you are not working now. Being pregnant and making another human being is the most sacred work possible and takes a lot of your energy, if you want the baby to be healthy. Also, if you are pregnant while looking after two other siblings that is more work than any man could handle. Never let anyone tell you you are not working. You deserve to have a husband who shares in chores, as do all women.

Where did the attitude come from that being a stay at home is not work and so a mum is responsible for all the shit jobs? Spending time playing with your kids is as much work as going off to a job, you might not be bringing home the bread but you're looking after your shared creations, your children.


Annoyed 7 years ago

"The key is to only give them one task at a time and to praise them for doing it. When they feel good about their contribution to the household it makes them willing to do more!"

Are you joking? This sounds like something I would do with my kindergarter - or a dog. We're talking about grown men here. Get over yourselves. I don't get thanked every time I scrub the toilet, mop the floor or fold laundry. I don't get praised for doing the grocery shopping or paying bills. If something needs to be done, do it and shut the f*** up.


sschilke profile image

sschilke 7 years ago Author

Annoyed,

Sounds like some great advice to me. "Do it and shut the F*** up". That would work wonders in my house. That's exactly the type of thing every person needs to hear... I'm sure it will get great results.

sschilke


gluttonforpunishment 7 years ago

Great comments for "stay at home" moms and working dads. My "husband" stopped working and claims he is raising the kids as a "stay at home" dad. He literally accomplishes nothing for 8 hours a day most days but talk on the phone, play outside, and watch tv. I really just have another kid, not a husband. I know that I am supposed to love him, but this continuing lack of effort on his part is causing us problems, not to mention the child support he owes for kids in previous marriage and taxes he didn't pay while "working" for himself when he did make a buck or two, not that i ever say it. Anyway, I am just venting so that I can get it off my chest. I will pray for him, us, and our kids and show him love as hard as it is, his depression is contagious.


NOTmarriedJustyetThankGod 7 years ago

what did we women get ourselved into? :((....I feel you pain and I understand your feelings. My boyfriend does it all (he likes to cook) but isn't so big on clearning. However, the biggest problem is he ain't too ambicious. when I ask why can't he make more he says he isn't materialistc. in the mean time he is 60k in student loans. i guess any excuses that would make him look good works.


amadwomen 7 years ago

My fiance' is so lazy I just cant do anything but cry. I am at work all day and he doesn't have a job. He will have our son all day and not CLEAN anything. I am fed up and I don't know what I should do. HELPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!


sschilke profile image

sschilke 7 years ago Author

amadwomen,

Cut off his money supply.

sschilke


longoverdue 7 years ago

you gotta be kidding! one chore and that's it? praise? topless and wink,wink? like hell! my thumb wabbler husband decided to go out on S.S. after he was laid off in 2006 at the age of 53. because he was afraid to look for a job,afraid of life and responsibility,since then he has been nothing but a pain in my ,ass,legs,back,arms,and bank account! Oh I understand exaustion ,i work alot,I miss alot and sometimes i end up with 2-4hrs of sleep, I am on call 24/7, my hrs are all over the place and when i come home after a 6-14hr shift the last thing i want to see is the house EXACTLY as it was when i was called out if i didn't get anything done except some sleep, if it is clean when i leave i can bet my bottom dollar that it wont be when i get home, and my poor, poor,"wired differently" only give one chore at a time and only ask once and leave it alone ,tired,"oh my back hurts!" husband is lucky i have no desire to see the inside of a cell. This man is an ostriach , if he ignores it, it doesn't exist,he told me 3yrs ago that when he "gets his head out of his ass" I will not have to even think about cleaning,cooking or shopping, well, it will never happen,,and guess what? all he can think of is " you got time honey don't you? (for sex) I can assure you that i don't have time or engery or the desire, just resentment and when a woman spends all that time doing everything else the LAST THING I WANT IS TO COZY UP TO AN overweight, COUCH POTATOE! and yes ,I will be filing.I would now rather clean up after one and be happy for once in a long long time than waste more of my life in a fantasy world,and I wont be so darn angry,,, ITs no wonder women look old before their time and men age and look good in grey.. we do everything and they do nothing..,thanks for the laugh!


Linda 7 years ago

The last comment was a month ago. So here goes...

I totally agree with this woman. I have a man who not only won't pick up after himself (which just about is all I ask), but won't fix things I can't. He wonder's why things are broken... that's because he won't get up off his lazy ass and do anything, so I have to. I WILL get done one way or another. I have flare ups of osteo arthritis in my knee from time to time and can't even stand, let alone walk and clean the house. Does he help? NO! He can't be bothered to make anything for me to eat. He can't be bothered, in his words, "to pick up after himself." I am so fed up, I'm this close to filing. I will be hiring a house cleaner. I can't deal with it anymore! Twenty-six years is too much to throw away, but I'm just about there.


leonor 7 years ago

Married to a lazy slob. Hope it works because being a single mum was a whole lot better and seriously thinking about divorce. I am constantly exhausted and working for peanuts to build my business. I crumble inside when he comes home and just chucks clothes and foodpackets/anything on the floor and spends the weekend on the sofa in front of the telly. No family meals or activities together either, just the movies. I feel like a thankless maid and

I don't nag since i can't bear having to ask again and again.

Ill have a go. Thanks. Maybe too late though


larasgirl 6 years ago

I agree with longoverdue also. I don't think men should have to be treated like children to get them take care of family responsibilities. If you care about your wife or children, act like it. If you want to live like a bachelor, don't get married or have kids. Women don't get 'thank yous' or 'good job' for everything we do. Why should we have to work a full time job, just like men, and have to take care of the household responsibilities and take care of the children? We should never have to have these 'ideas' for getting men to do what they SHOULD BE DOING ANYWAYS.

I'm sorry, but I found this article to be insulting. The ideas may be good for a new relationship, but I've tried everything suggested and none of it works. The same problems have been THE SAME for 6 years. I'm to the point where I am depressed and exhausted.

My suggestion for men who want to keep a good relationship with their wives is to be a good PARTNER and put forth as much effort as your wife. Are you that lazy at work? Probably not. Give your wife at least as much RESPECT as you do your coworkers.


sschilke profile image

sschilke 6 years ago Author

Larasgirl,

Sorry for your predicament... hope it improves some day.

"Why should we have a full time job, just like men, and have to take care of the household responsibilities and take care of children"

My suggestion... quit your job.

sschilke


Rayne 6 years ago

I have the same problem with my husband. He travels a lot! Gone for months at a time and when he comes home he does NOTHING. Will not change a lightbulb, even if I have a glass next to our bed do you think he will even take it to the sink? I pick up after him, I really do not ask much I just think it is so disrespestful when I will clean the house then he turns around in 5 min to mess it up. It feels like I am more a maid than anything. I try to talk "sweet" to him and ask him only for him to turn around just to sit in front of the TV or go in his "office" and tell me he is "working" half the time he is on his computer watching hockey fights!


Springboard profile image

Springboard 6 years ago from Wisconsin

Oh boy, and I KNOW I'm going to be clobbered good for this, but I think a question many MEN have relates to the sex in a relationship. I say women need to initiate more. Quit making a man have to beg. Quit giving in finally only after he has begged and begged and then tell him you did it just to keep him from crying about it.

You want the man to help clean the house because he wants to, not because you're begging him to. And he wants you to make love to him because you love him, not just because he went in the corner to pout when you said no for the fourteenth time in a row.

Housecleaning and helping is very important to women. Sex is not THE most important thing, but its pretty high on the list for most men. It takes two to make a thing go right.

I agree with everything you said BTW sschilke.

Okay. I'm done. Go ahead and clobber away, ladies. :)


Gaggles 6 years ago

Do you have any idea what effect your suggestion has on a woman. I used to treat my fiancé like that. Now i am tired, i feel like a whore, i've lost myself along the way, life has lost its shine and did i mention i am tired.

And i resent him


BSalltheway 6 years ago

My lazy ass husband believes that we should be a 'traditional' family. I have no problem staying at home, raising the kids, and doing MOST of the chores. I, however, am not his damn maid. My kids throw their wrappers on the floor and when I ask them to pick them up they tell me "But Daddy does it!' That's when I secretly want to smother his sorry ass in his sleep! Can you pick up on my extreme resentment towards him? I was recently diagnosed with a severe heart condition (I'm only 30). I am still trying to adjust to the meds (which make me horribly sick most of the time) and the fact that when I stand at the sink to do the dishes for 20 minutes, I'm exhausted for the rest of the day-and I still do laundry, homeschool my kids, etc.. I have learned how to deal with certain messes-I don't nag my husband. The problem that I have is this: We have a traditional family style-I do the woman things and he is supposed to do the 'man' things. Why in the hell do I have to take out the garbage, bring firewood up and stack it, and fix every little thing that breaks?! I'm not even supposed to be carrying more than a few pounds and I have to damn near make myself pass out to bring enough firewood from around back so the kids and I can stay warm-my husband will just sit on the couch while I do this-even after my doctors have told him to get me some help with some things around the house. I'm tired! I'm not a prude nor am I some ugly fat cow-I'm still a hot mom and my sex life is horrible! I've tried the negotiating sex for chores and 1) It doesn't work 2) It makes me feel like a whore. My husband is lazy and selfish (which he admits in an almost proud way). I'd leave him but he's got me right where he wants me-I don't work and need the medical insurance. I've made my bed, blah, blah-I know. Anyone have any different tips that might work? Venting isn't helping anymore and neither did throwing a coffee cup at him.


greg austin profile image

greg austin 6 years ago from Canada

Excellent hub and very entertaining. To the 30 year old above: get a divorce, child. You are too young to be that bitter.


AtaranT 6 years ago

Yeah, I had one of those guys who wanted to be a stay at home dad. Rocked out on all the free time, toke, beer, surf the Net, prop kid in front of video, drop stuff all over floor, told me he wouldn't do indoor work because men don't do that in his family. Well, he certainly wouldn't bring mammoth meat to the table either! Useless. Am happily separated now, with one less child - an adult that I didn't give birth to! And good riddance!


wlirnfyvet 6 years ago

To BSalltheway: Yes, smother him. Make sure you do not get caught.


Jenna 6 years ago

I bet a lazy man wrote this. Why should we have to do everything including work, raise kids, cook clean and take out the trash. And then we have to baby the poor sap just to pick up his dirty socks off the floor. I call BS. Why could he not take a step back and look at what we do before he throws a fit. Or I bet if they all lived alone they might wash off a freakin dish.


Mina Valentine profile image

Mina Valentine 6 years ago from King of Prussia, PA

How about, he was a slob before you married him? C'mon, there are tell-tale signs and we overlook those things because of his eyes? His smile? He took you on fancy dates? Ohhhh the facade in the beginning is a killer! LOL!!!


Exhausted/Tired 6 years ago

I have an unemployed husband for 2 years now. I work full time and run 7 businesses. I work 8-17 hour days 7 days a week in the summer time, and 40 hour weeks in the winter. I am on call 24/7. I come home to a messy house almost everyday. I am nonstop. My daily schedule consists of this:

5:00am - wake up / shower

6:00am - pack daughters bookbag / lay clothes out for daughter

6:30am - wake up daughter and get her ready for school.

7:00am - breakfast

7:30am - bus stop

8:00am - give my diabetic cat his insulin

8:00am - 8:45am - pick up house (cann't vaccum because husband is STILL sleeping)

9:00am - 5:00pm - (generally)working

5:30pm - clean up house AGAIN / check to see if daughters homework is done.

6:00pm - My husband cooks dinner

6:30pm - 7:00pm - dinner time

7:00pm - shower / pjs and read a book to my daughter

7:30pm - clean up dinner dishes / and tidy house up

8:00pm - give my diabetic cat his 2nd dose of insulin.

put daughter to sleep

8:30pm - get paperwork ready for work next day

9:00pm - watch tv

9:30pm - go to sleep

this is a winter schedule. I am exhausted and tired and feel like I have two children rather than one. Any suggestions would be GREATLY APPRECIATED!!!!!!


De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK

Are you mad? Are you trying to ruing everything? :-)))


Moma_Do 6 years ago

There are so many sides to the argument I don't know what to do. I love him but he makes me so mad, the hard part is that I try to tell him what he can do to help, but he just doesn't get it. I know he loves me and wants me to be happy, but he just doesn't understand that i need more from him, and then when i say it like that i feel like i'm just asking for to much. AAAHHHH!! what to do, i guess i'll just let it go for now, again.


GreenGoodsGuide profile image

GreenGoodsGuide 6 years ago from Lehigh Valley PA

This is why I live alone . . . LOL!

Last thing I need is some lazy butt baby boy disguised as a man laying around the house needing to be PERSUADED to act his real age.


notevenmarried 6 years ago

My boyfriend is one of these lazy utterly clueless morons that think the fairies have their work clothes ready for them, and every meal and drink they consume is magically provided by the air around them, all of the cleaning "just happens". I feel like a slave, he has no basic manners, that if someone does something for you, it's customary to be grateful, and perhaps do something in return like clean up the dishes from the gourmet meal that has been cooked for you. Basic manners, basic common sense that males seem to think too good for the woman they married, or profess to love? That is not love, that is treating your "love" as staff that you do not pay, that is purposefully disrespectful! No wonder we are having our minds messed with, "oh you love me, yet treat me worse than the dog?"

So many of us feel like our partners are on the same level as our kids, how can you see someone as another child to look after, and then somehow feel turned on by them? Why are men like tall children, they want to be thought of as manly men, yet they act like children? How stupid.

Wish I was a lesbian..


Guest 6 years ago

What do you suggest that I do when it's my wife who is the lazy slob. I spend 10 hours away from home at work and she's a stay at home mom. I get home and the place looks the same that it did when I left in the morning. Then she complains that no one helps here with the housework. I thought a stay at home mom was supposed to manage the house while I brought home the paycheck and dealt with projects and office politics at work.


pam  6 years ago

my husband lazy fat and sit on his stupid fish chat every night, so addicted it makes me sick. Left him once and he begged and begged for me to come back, after three years back to his old self.

I just cant do this to the kids again until they leave school in year 12. Why do they do this.


Gould 6 years ago

I love all the comments and gave me good advice on what I have to do to "try" to break in my man! Is it to late?


sickandtired 6 years ago

my fiancé has just walked out and left me rather than help me clean up. after advice from my friends and mother..suggesting i get the house work issue resolved before we marry...i decided to keep at him..not back down. ive tried asking nicely..ive tried creating a row to get it all out...ive tried not doing his share ..i've tried doing it ALL but i end up resenting him. he is in the house all day lately 'working' in the office...i know he is trying hard to get work and is doing paperwork but he leaves a trail of distruction....i'm so sick of it. he will do the odd bit of ironing...but refuse to put it away...and he's great at collecting my daughter for me... but he uses this as an excuse not to do anything else.. i love him dearly... but i don't know if i can put up with this for life...


Karen 6 years ago

longoverdue - I couldn't have said it better myself. I feel the exact frustration you do. I'm about ready to tell him to get the hell on. If I have to do everything on my own, I might as well be on my own. After trying all the advise (the above and therapy) I have had enough! My husband just doesn't get it. Hell, if the women have to do all the work while the men just sit on their asses, then what do we need men for? This whole Cinderella role has gotten old. I'd rather live the single life and have male friends with "benefits".


lol 6 years ago

To "Guest" with the stay at home mom..maybe you simply assume she has not done anything all day, when in fact you simply don't notice all the running around she's doing after the kids. Perhaps the kids are taking up so much of her time, and looking after you as well I might add, that she has no time to do every little thing.

Give her a break and try doing your share, if you make mess why expect she has time to clean up after you!


KittyM 6 years ago

I am amazed that we all put up with this cr*p and this is such a common problem and feel less alone! I am guessing most of the 'commenters' are US based well let me tell you UK men are no better. I have been with my husband for 16 years - married for the past 5 and he has NEVER changed. I am the main bread winner, I now run my own company am completely stressed out in the recession working my arse off to try and make a living and I do pretty much everything around the house. Although he pays half towards bills everything is in my name and all direct debits come out of my bank account. Unless I ask him he doesn't food shop, he doesn't pick up, or clean or dry laundy. I get up at weekends, want to relax and walk into a clean kitchen to make breakfast and find dirty water in the sink and dishes stacked up and worktops not cleaned. AND totally forget anything as complicated as washing bedding or towels, these would just rot if i didn't clean them myself. He can't even open freaking curtains without pulling them off the curtain hooks. I tell him constantly I just can't live like this. I wouldn't mind if he contributed in other ways like fixing things, gardening or looking after my car or earned more money and then I would stay at home and clean but he doesn't. Thankfully we don't have children and in all honesty this is one of the reasons why. I am at the point now if i couldmake enough money to live off from my small business I would be kicking his fat, lazy backside out of my home because this is totally stressing me out.


tightusfisticus 6 years ago

My husband used to be exactly the same, totally useless around the house and an unwashed slob every weekend. Drove me completely nuts, final straw came after I had been working away for 3 days. I got home to find dirty dishes stacked on the kitchen side, I slammed the door in frustration and the whole lot hit the floor. I marched into the dining room and there he was playing with his playstation surrounded by mess. I lost the plot and threw his precious plystation across the room, that got him out of his seat.

After a massive row we now have a deal that has worked for the last 10 months. He has two jobs keeping the kitchen and dining room clean and tidy and doing general repairs as an when needed. In return for which I won't destroy his toys. I realise that I shouldn't need to resort to this but if he behaves like a child I will treat him like one.


dave 6 years ago

Maybe you all can help me understand something. Why is it only a "Mother's" job to give praise and encouragement to a "Child", but it is a "Wife's" job to nag and complain about her "Husband"?

Comments from the last few times that I cooked: "What's in this?" "Why did you use that?" "I am not eating that"

Result: I don't cook anymore.

Comments when I clean: "Why did you use that cleaner?" "Why didn't you clean ____, too?" "Did you even clean this? It looks terrible."

Result: I clean very little.

Laundry: I put 20 things in the laundry hampers, if 1 or 2 are in the wrong bin I will hear about how stupid I am for putting the light green shirt in with the lights instead of the darks (or vice-versa)

Result: clothes go on the floor.

I would rather listen to her complain about me not doing enough than listen to her complain about what a failure I am when I try to do something.

It may be lazy slob on the sofa's fault, but how he is treated his spouse can directly affect his decisions.


Frustrated 6 years ago

I've more or less had it with my fiancé but for different reasons..he's not lazy but he does stuff when HE feels like it. If I finally have time to vacuum, he offers to help. But I don't need help since I've made time to do it. If I'm swamped with some other chore and I ask him to vacuum (which I can count on two hands, I have done in our 10 year relationship) he complains, rolls his eyes and gives me attitude asking why it has to be done. I've quite frankly given up even asking for help on anything because he disappoints me every time.

I have to clean the cat's litter every week, last night, I was busy making a stew for our dinner for the next few days, which is a huge job (prep work is insanely time consuming and getting ingredients), so I asked him to clean the litter (politely) as it really needed a cleaning. He said he would do it tomorrow, I said fine, I'll do it tonight later on, knowing damn well he wouldn't do it tomorrow, he would forget. He resentfully cleaned the litter and what do I get? silent treatment, huffing, eye rolling, etc.

Get this, I work every day, wake up at 6 am. He's a teacher and has the whole summer off. Just yesterday he slept all afternoon. I'm sorry, but I don't get why helping me when I ACTUALLY need it, is sooooo hard.

On top of this, his friend is coming by today so I asked him to vacuum before he came over. I got complete attitude and he said he hates having anyone over because the house has to be cleaned up and he doesn't understand why. We had a huge argument with him just being nasty and rude, but I find it ironic that if I had picked up the vacuum last night, he would have offered to help.

What on earth does one do with a guy like this??? He does clean if he’s not asked, but not that often and hates to do so before company comes over, when it’s most important.


sue 6 years ago

I work 60-80 hrs a week, clean the house, mow the lawn, trim the hedges, do the laundry, cook ( even if I have one hour between my two jobs in a day), and clean up the dishes. I have tried to tell my husband in many different ways and tones to help out. He either has an excuse ( I don't feel too well), for which I say Neither do I so suck it up! or he wants the kids to do it so they can learn responsibility. I do not disagree that children should help out, but he is my husband and has many more free hours than me and should want to help out when I am working so much for our family. When he does point out the few things he does (mind you, when he is asked or realizes i am pissed off), he wants me to applaud or recognize him with a parade in his honor. where is my thanks for all I do?.....Oh, wait, I am the mom/wife, I am just doing my duty, right. I am here to say that I don't think men need a list, or need to be pointed in the right direction...look around, there's stuff to do, nor do they need constant praise for doing so, like a puppy that doesn't poop in the house or a child learning to walk for the first time. I believe men and women are different, but they are not so unintelligent that we need to spell out duties to them...and oh yeah, give them one thing to do at a time! Whatever. Guys need to man up and be more helpful or they will find themselves alone.... or they'll find a desperate woman who doesn't care and will let them be walked on.


Dave 6 years ago

to Sue: I don't know your husband at all, but you seem to know what you need to do to effect change, you just aren't willing to do it for some reason:

"nor do they need constant praise for doing so, like a puppy that doesn't poop in the house or a child learning to walk for the first time."

You shouldn't have to praise him for everything, but then again you shouldn't have to nag/criticize everything either. One of those will get results, the other won't. Why would you continually choose the option that doesn't work?

"I am here to say that I don't think men need a list,"

"I believe men and women are different, but they are not so unintelligent that we need to spell out duties to them...and oh yeah, give them one thing to do at a time!"

Once again you know what needs to be done but for some reason you are unwilling to do it. Men (in general) do not multi-task. You can blame your husband and ignore reality or you can help him help you.

"or need to be pointed in the right direction."

Sometimes this is a matter of not knowing what your priority is for the things that need to be done. I know that I have been criticized for working on stuff "in the wrong order", as a result, I feel like doing it wrong is worse than not doing it at all.

Bottom line: Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Try giving him praise and encouragement for a change, and after the shock wears off he may just become the husband you desire.


jojo 6 years ago

This is great to read, lets me know I am not alone.

I have the same problem as most of you. I work too but am expected to do everything around the house. When I asked hem to help he asked me to write down the things to do, I did this but it didn't work. So then we agreed on what jobs he would do. Weed, clean car, clean garage, change lights and make sure the kitchen is clean. (we have kids that wash the dishes so he is just supposed to check it before bed) This doesn't work either, I have tried not doing his jobs, but how long can you go without lights, I even buy the bulbs and put them out for him and nothing.

I asked him to do something for me the other day and he said he was too stressed. Maybe I should play the too stressed game. I could be too stressed all day. I sometimes consider getting the doctor to put me into stress camp for a month and see what would happen while I was away. I am sure that our 2 older kids would have to do everything. They even know how to use the washing machine, does my husband, NO. If I ask him to do things he asks the kids to do it so I have stopped asking. I had to pay someone to come and clean the garage and balconies because I refused to do it and got sick of waiting.

What to do? Gotta love em but sometimes you could just shoot em. Have thought of leaving but we are Australians living in Japan and then the kids would be so far from their father. Have thought of waiting until the kids are gone to leave. Have thought of quitting my job so I can do all the stuff, but can't afford to.

It will be 15 years of marriage this month, but who feels like celebrating, I am so resentful of him.

jojo


Clowng 6 years ago

Interesting. Only give one task at a time. No lists. Don't ask more than once. Funny, I know what needs to be done, when it needs to be done, and I don't need to be told. Someone please explain why I have to obey all these rules? He lives here too.


Colleen 6 years ago

Why do we have to play these little games to get husbands to help out? Bottom line, a mauture adult would realize that a house needs to be cleaned, bills payed, meals cooked, grocery shopping done, laundry and yard work. I do it all. Been married 22 years and for most of those years I have done it. And this business of letting them do the chore when they are ready is bull. I have tried that and he thinks months are exceptable before he takes the trash out. I don't love my husband anymore. He does not give me anything in the relationship. The only reason why I am still in this marriage is because he has recently developed health problems and I think it would be wrong to walk out on someone like that. But I am living in hell!!


Sherry Wota 6 years ago

Why why why do they do this to us? My boyfriend of 4 years works full time, and he works hard. However, I'm a student who has always worked at the same time. This year, I will be in class full time, with a full time job. We have lived together for 3 years, and sometimes he lifts a finger to do something, but never on his own accord. We just bought a house together, and it's gotten 10 times worse. I am working from home, so I spend a lot of my day cleaning the house as well. I do the litter box, feed the cat, take the garbage/recycling out, dishes a few times a day, laundry, sweeping, mopping, everything. I'm always exhausted by bed-time and he's bored, complaining that he doesn't get enough "good attention" or wondering why I'm not in the mood for sex. I love him, but it terrifies me to think that THIS will be the rest of my life, and adding kids to the mix... *shudder* I'm at my wit's end. Tonight he sat on the couch while I dragged two weeks' worth of cardboard, garbage, newspapers, and other odds and ends to the curb. I asked him to help, and you know what he did? He got a plastic bag and put it in the kitchen wastebasket and then sat back down. I asked him to please rinse off the dinner dishes, and he never did it. FInally at 11:00 I did it. Took me 5 minutes, but it's so ridiculous that he wouldn't do it! He hates doing dishes, so I do them. I've been more than lenient. He hates vacumning, so I do it. Now he's not doing the laundry or the bathroom or taking out the trash. He's also not taking care of the cat. It's making me so frustrated and sad. I don't know what to do at this point.


Young Mom 6 years ago

I have two little boys and just taking care of them all day long is a challenge, I'm lucky if I get any cleaning done myself. Granted my fiancé is so lazy that if he manages to tear himself away from the computer he might get the laundry half way to where it belongs, do half the dishes, sweep half of what needs to be swept or clean half a room.

I'm exhausted because I watch two little whirlwinds of terror all day, he's exhausted because he works. Neither of us want to spend the evening cleaning. So if I must I demand all of us clean for an hour together including our three year old and if his ass so much as goes near a chair before we're finished I just scream at him. It works for us, I shouldn't have to put any more effort in than he does.

ALL mom's should start young though, if you've got a boy teach that little guy to clean up after himself and help with chores right from the start. There is no reason why a woman should ever have to teach her man to wash the clothes, or dishes, or use the lawnmower. Those things are the parent's job.


Ashlie 5 years ago

gee..i can't get my boyfriend to clean for nothins


Ashlie 5 years ago

GEE!! I can't get my boyfriend to clean for nothing..well unless I give him that same and long talk for the 15th million time. I have 2 jobs and go to school full-time. On top of that, I have homework to do, go grocery shopping, keep dinner going, do the dishes, drag laundry down 2 flights of stairs to take to the laundry shop, take out the trash...I can keep going.. My boyfriend has a fulltime job at a call center..I know things can get stressful working in a call center because I work in one too..BUT HELL--DO YOU see what all I do..This is really driving a big wedge in between us. Im at the point were I just want to leave and be on my own. Im really stressed out by all this and I don't know what to do. Good thing we don't have kids--beacause I'll be DEAD!!


Joyce 5 years ago

Just got over an argument with my other half over sharing the housework. I asked for more help because I feel to stressed out and would like more me time which I have none. I work a 10 hour job mon-fri. My husband just has to take out the garbage his only chore. He actually told me I was lazy for putting the garbage in the garage and before that for filling it to full!! I am the most nagging and ungrateful person he knows.


robbo 5 years ago

hey i just read this because i work about 10 hours a day, i leave for work at 6.30am and get home fairly worn out late in the afternoon, my girlfriend and i have 3small kids under the age of 5,we r both 24. she is always asking me to do alot but all i can manage to do is fall alseep as soon as i rest anywhere(i don't mean to i am just really tired) and i struggle to motivate myself once i am home, i just want some advice for what i should be doing.


Annoyed 5 years ago

Just come home from hospital and my husband can't even help with our 18 month old son or make us breakfast. Was told you need an adult with you for 24 hours after a general anesthetic but he is just making more work for me being here and mess. Two cups of tea and one of coffee was his limit in helping and looking after me. He asked me to postpone the operation for a week so he could be home to help, which I did. What was the point? I do everything around the house and the refuse bins and cars and look after our son and his 3 kids from a previous marriage every other weekend. Two of them are just as lazy as him and my 18 month old does more tidying up than any of them. If I ask for help he won't do what I have asked because I asked. If I don't ask he still does nothing. I have had it.


Brach 5 years ago

Here's an idea. If your husband works in the army and you have no job and understand he's constantly working/cleaning for ungrateful pricks that are constantly tormenting him at work let him come back to a clean house instead of nagging at him to help. Sure he may make a mess but he pays the EVERYTHING and works 10+ hours already. Is it so hard to get off YOUR ass?


soon to be single 5 years ago

Have been with my man for 20 years. Our son will be 18 in May. He has always refused to clean anything, help with the kids, do laundry, cook, or anything else. I always thought, well, at least he is not abusive, a drug addict, and he works. That is, until the past few years. He was fired last fall and then sat here with no unemployment or anything, and refused to even look for work for 8 months, while I struggled to pay everything and support him and our 2 children. We moved to a very old house with no heat, except for the wood stove we had to put in it, and he would not even make or keep a fire going in it to keep the house warm. he will not gather or cut wood. he finally managed to get a part time job at a local store, to help buy groceries. i have paid $6,000 for medical insurance at work this year for our whole family. he is separate from the family plan that covers our kids because he never wanted to get married. i have to keep insurance on him because he has so many health problems and is diabetic. we do not spend any time together, talk, kiss, have any sort of physical or other relationship. we have not even kissed in 4 years? to best i can remember. i work full time, plus overtime when it's available, go to school part time, pay all of the bills, paid for the two cars we both drive. meanwhile, he expects the kids and i to wait on him. he will not even get up and make himself a sandwhich. he does not repair anything. in past three months, he has cut part of the grass in our yard twice. now he does not have to do that again since it is fall and soon to be winter.

when he was not working, i would ask him sweetly before i left for work most days if he would please do some laundry and the dishes, and guess what? he never did. even if i cleaned the house and did the dishes before i left for work for a 10 hour shift order picking in a warehouse, on a concrete floor all day, rushing to make production.

i used to buy him and the children valentines candy, etc, for every holiday, for years, while he never did anything at all like that for me, not even for christmas or my birthday. in fact, the children would not have had christmas gifts either, if i hadn't bought them myself all these years. even when he worked, he did not like to spend money on anyone but himself, and he did not like to pick out gifts for the kids. he much preferred to sit at his computer all day and play video games when he was off work.

he would not go to any of our sons band concerts when he was in school, or to any of the childrens school plays or anything else. not until our son was on the football team was he ever supportive and not too selfish to go and give our son encouragement. he did finally go to a few games. he also went to a couple of our daughters swim meets and practices. that was it. i think two.

he wants cats, but will not feed or water them.

i am planning to go to school full time this next fall, will use my leftover financial aid to help pay the bills so i can work part time for once, and will finish school in just 1 more year after the last of my prerequisites this spring. then, i will be able to get a good job working in the medical field, and will not have to struggle financially anymore, and guess what? then i will be buying a home for my children and myself, and moving on! these lazy, selfish, self-centered men do not care anything about any of us at all, and we are only being used. it's time to find someone who really cares about us, or just go ahead and have a decent life for ourselves and our children, without having to drag a lazy uncaring man along when we should be taking better care of ourselves and our children. if there are no decent men left for us out there, then we are better off alone, when we can live better lives, build our own security, etc. i am looking forward to a bright future, even though i am already 46 years old, and have spent what should have been the best years of my life with the wrong man. i am tired of being angry, i am not angry any more. i am tired of having to support some man instead of providing better for my two children. also, i am ready to have some fun in my life, and am tired of having some man get mad at me when i spend $15 to buy a printer cartridge so i can print stuff that i need for school because money is tight. yes, its tight, because you haven't worked full time in over a year now! ladies, who needs this kind of treatment? i always wanted more from my life, but i stayed these past few years, (8 years since i began to wise up ) because i wanted to make my kids happy and stay with their father. at least it will finally be over and i will be on my way. men, this is how you lose a good woman who loved you. wisen up before its too late.

last week, i had some sort of very serious food poisoning or something, was extremely sick, rapidly dehydrated, and started going into shock, had trouble talking, walking, standing up and breathing. he sat on his computer and ate potato chips and played video games and watched movies while i almost died. my daughter sat beside me on the bed with the phone, ready to call an ambulance if i passed out.

i have been quite sick only a couple more times over the years, and he did not baby me or take care of me then either. once i had a terrible migraine, was so sick i was not able to drive to pick our daughter up from a school event, she rode home with a friend, and he refused to even rub my neck for a few minutes because he says he has arthritis in his hands. i have given this man hours-long back rubs for years, even though i have nerve damage and carpal tunnel syndrome really bad.

no more selfish men for me after this. i will wait from now on until i see that a man truly cares for and about me, and is not selfish and lazy. then he will deserve a good woman.


Linda 5 years ago

I feel exactly the same way as "soon to be single" does.

I met my common law spouse, a mortgage broker named Michael Maher Hanna in Toronto, Ontario, 3 years and 9 months ago. He has lied to me from day one about so many things, his name, his age, how many past wives and children he has. He cheated on me as well.

We have one son who is 2 years and 9 months old and truly is a sweetheart when he is with me.

To make a long story short, he is such a selfish jerk as well. He does nothing to help around the house nor does he hardly do anything with our son or for him.

When I ask him to do something he just says okay and it never gets accomplished. We are now separating and he has all the time in the world to spend with his new whores. He buys them expensive items and I get nothing.

On top of that he is very verbally abusive. He has called me everything under the sun. I tried everything to please him and nothing worked. That is when I realized I was not the problem.

He now earns a lot of money over 150K per year year and it is growing and I hardly earn anything. I have spent a lot of my own hard earned cash (savings) on myself, food and my son and his Montessori school bills! He stills calls me names IE. lazy bi--- and the list goes on.

I hope whoever reads this stays away from this man.

I now know the signs and symptoms of these kind of men. I refuse to take on another jerk like this along with his selfish, whore-like tendancies. Damn it all the verbally abusive, lazy, blood-sucking men. They ought to be put in jail.


chichi!!!  5 years ago

I had no idea a lot of ladies felt like I did!! About the list it works for him the whole family has an individual list! He does a half azzz job but I'll take it!! What I don't understand this man that I have been married for 11 yrs has gotten worst trought the years. We have 3 kids and well I am the slave in our home!! He was never like that when we where dating or engaged. This mand goes to work each day I am a stay at home mom and I am at school he is too!! But for some reason he is always always from the moment he comes home sits his AZZZZZZZ on the couch and is there for the whole weekend and now with football it is worst. I want to slash the tv the Iphone because that is what he does when he is not in front of the TV the Iphone has been his bestfriend since he got it!!! He sits on the toilet for 2 hrs with the eye phone. a couple years back I was trying for him to come and help grocery shop he said hold on and sat his but on the toilet I waited for 30 minutes and then said I will go now he said ok 2hrs later he was still on there and I asked for the bags to be put in and he did not move from his trone. His mother was there and started to pound the door so he could get out!! What is wrong with these grown men?? We are told we are free as females! we are still not advance when it comes to men and how they view there spouces. I keep thinking I might have the color but dose days are over!!! I want to take an ax and shop the TV,Computer, I phone and get rid of his BMW in our driveway!!

As for you ladies that are engaged to men that are like this run!! they don't change and you sure don't want your kids thinking that it is ok for the wife to do everything while they sit there azzzzzzzzz on the couch!! He has no problem with me mowing the lawn when I am 7 months pregnant and has no problem with the garbage being in front of the door piled up so he can bring it to the curb. I am so glad that I am not the onlye one that feels that way about there husband and then they want us to slave and spraid out at night!! Like that is going to work!! I am teaching our son not to be lazy like his dad!!!


esherbut 5 years ago

Robbo my advice is to talk to your wife about what jobs in the house you can take on and completely own all by yourself. If you own them they are yours and she should NEVER have to ask you to do them or do them for your because you do them religiously all by yourself. Tell her I want to start doing A) B) and C) for us. Give those jobs 100%, do them well and do them all the time without forgetting and I guarantee she will be gratefull.


3rd shift Frustrated 5 years ago

This is surprising that so many men are like this. Which is probably why I will stay with my man. There are no better men out there. And really, why would I even want to try after all this work? My husband works 3rd shift and is constantly telling me his is "tired". On the weekends he does not shift his schedule to be with the kids, I can understand that would be very difficult to change your sleep habits by 12 hours just for two days.... HOWEVER, my husband is a great napper... so can't he just add some naps in and be good?

Sunday night - THursday night my husband works from 10pm to 8am, he comes home, drinks and watches tv, then falls asleep. I wake up, get our boys up (3 and 5 yr old), take one to daycare, one to school - then go to work. My husband is supposed to pick them both up at daycare at 4pm when he wakes up... this is a CONSTANT argument since he frequently misses this deadline. Luckily our daycare provider is nice, and keeps the kids (just charges extra) but she is getting sick of the misses, and my husband has never ONCE said sorry for this lack of responsibility. It's just "well i'm tired"??? So guess who pays for child care? He's late, and my bill rises.... On a normal day, when he does get them at 4, he will get home and lay on the couch till I get home at 5. The kids will be watching TV. Most times I start right into the kitchen and make dinner most times with my shoes from work still on. My kids don't like to wait for dinner, and as little kids, they want everything NOW. So they ask me all the time, my husband sits there watching tv. After dinner, I clean up, my husband will take HIS plate to the sink. And then he's done. He goes to the couch and lays down. Then he will nap until he has to leave for work. I have to clean the kitchen, get the kids in the bath, get them ready for bed and put them to bed. And maybe clean the house or do some laundry in the meantime. IF my husband does decide to help clean, it is usually HIS stuff. It's like he knows what is right or wrong, as far as picking up after himself, but how do I get to pick up after 3 and a half people? He does his own laundry from work, to keep it separate from the kids, but I do my laundry, the kids' laundry and general laundry from the house - towels, blankets, sheets, etc. I have talked with him about it before and he admits that he is selfish, but doesn't know how to change. He agreed to do one night - cook and clean up, bathe the kids and put them to bed. Since he agreed to that once a week, (about 5 months ago) he has done it about twice... and both times I had to ask. I get the eye roll, the huff of disgust as to why he is being disruppted from his tv. He sleeps all day on the weekend and I think it is such a bad example for his sons... but what to do? When I talk to him about how upset it makes me and that I almost feel like leaving (since I am basically a single parent now) he just says "I don't cheat, why would you leave me?" In my opinion, there are more problems in a marriage than a spouse cheating... and frankly, if he did that rather than make me please him in the sack, I might be ok with it. It's the LAST thing on my mind on the weekend when we do see each other for more than 2 hours. How can I be attracted to a man that I see as a child? That I am pissed off at all the time? Do we all just deal with this from our men and stay? How can we get past this? I know I am not supposed to CHANGE my husband, but when we dated he was the clean person between him and his roommate. I ALWAYS saw my husband cleaning the kitchen, or cooking, or picking up clutter. It was one of the reasons I fell in love with him. But turns out, he only does that when the person he lives with is a slob. I cannot leave the house unattended, since my youngest son was recently diagnosed with severe allergies to dust in the hoome. Which means I need to clean even more. I discussed it with my husband, and he thinks the doctor is over reacting. Even though it was a blood test to tell us his allergies.


Jessica 5 years ago

Do you find yourself saying Thank You when they do clean? Why do I have to F***ing thank him for cleaning HIS HOUSE. Why should I nag? Why should I play these games with him to clean his home.

I asked my husband if he could help me clean the other day. He said it's clean. That's why they don't clean they think in there tiny brains it's clean.

I asked him when was the last time he cleaned the bathroom. NEVER well if you never cleaned the bathroom I think it's about time you do....


miz_debi profile image

miz_debi 5 years ago from New Jersey

Thank you for the advice. I've read the book Men are from Mars Women are from Venus and it suggest some of the things as well. It's just so difficult to understand him when he won't try to understand me. I'm not sure if that makes sense. But again, I love the advice and I will definitley give it a try. I hate waiting though lol...


Annoyed! 5 years ago

My husband an I have been married for almost 5yrs. I have a daughter that is a little over a year an a half and I'm pregnant again. I've been working a 8-5 job which is highly stressfull and all the medical, dental, etc comes from me. My husband used to work in construction until the economy died like many other people, got let go of his job. Right now I'm working, getting my bachelors degree, taking care of the baby (while producing another one at the same time), paying the bills (because when he tried it was a horrible thing for my credit), clean the house, clean after puppy, etc. He also works out in the fields pruning diff fruits and all the stuff that comes with it. But it is also a seasonal job. Sometimes he will have a few days off or sometimes he will have a month off due to weather conditions. I know that it is hard work, but when he gets a month off, he never pitchs in with anything. The things he uses to cook, if he cooks are all out and all over the place, I have to call and make sure he feeds our daughter when its time, or I'll get home and he's watching the tv I bought for us! Most of the time he isn't even home! He goes over to his mothers house and gives my daughter to one of his sisters and goes out with his brothers! Most of the time when I come home, I find 4-5 extra people at my house because he will bring his family home with him and trash my house even more! Not to mention I can't really rest once I get home because the baby gets passed to me and so does "can you cook something for us?" I'm not upset at his family at all. They all have kind hearts and would never do that. But at the same time, my husband should realize that he needs to let me know these things! If I get home from work and he is sitting on the couch and there are toys all over the room because his idea of watching our daughters is comforting her when she crys, and before 30sec has passed asks me what's for dinner, I'm going to snap his neck! Right now I have a week off and besides catching up on a mountain of laundry, has done the dishes even though I'm on morning sickness overdrive and can't step foot near the kitchen! I have to adapt and get over it! When he's home he tells me to stay away from the kitchen because it makes me sick, but when he gets home the next day he asks me why the dishes aren't done! WTH! I have vertigo really bad and can only do one thing at a time, and only for 10-15min periods. Get off yr butt! Help me!


Stephanie 5 years ago

I am a 22 year old college student, living with my boyfriend of 2 years and our 2 dogs (only one of which is housetrained). I go to class from 11-9 on tuesdays & thursday. Then, I work Mon,Wed,Fri,Sat,Sun. Sometimes I will have ONE day off, which I spend doing loads of homework, and of course, ALL the housework!! He works 3 days a week for about 5 hours each day, and complains of being tired and his back hurting. What about the other 7 days of the week? He CONSTANTLY plays Xbox and gets mad at me when I nicely ask him for any help. Even if his dog (the one that's not housetrained) uses the bathroom in the floor he yells at ME for disturbing him to help clean it since he is so busy playing xbox. I asked him if his ONE job could be to take out the trash every thursday. He says yes, but sometimes it gets done and sometimes it doesn't. I always have to remind him. It is ONE chore, ONE day a week. I put all the trash outside for him to bring around back. I asked him if we could rotate turns doing the dishes, but he lets them stack up until we don't have anymore and it is DISGUSTING. He says he will do it, when he feels like, which is NEVER. So I end up doing it!! I've tried not letting him use any of my dishes or towels, but then we will do ONE load of laundry or wash the DISHES once and promise he will keep it up so I let him use them again. If it wasn't for this lack of respect I feel from him about the housework, our relationship would be amazing! I really don't want to leave him, but I surely can not and will not spend the rest of my life like this. We've fought about it, calmy talked about it, begged with him, everything.... Nothing works. It seems like pretty much all men are like this and I agree, it seems best to just be alone. It's not worth feeling like this. And I think it's really sad that instead of being able to go to my boyfriend, I have only a website to express my feelings to! Crazy that complete strangers will feel for my pain more than the man that claims to love me and want to marry me. I'm too young to be going through this and I know that. Lord give me the strength to leave him if he won't change....


Lola 5 years ago

Soon to be single- good job for having this plan in place, it will make you feel empowered and free, and you should be proud for achieving this despite your partners presence (or hindrance!) just shows the strength and ability women have, regardless of the situation you are in.

Robbo- the fact that you are asking shows you have the ability to be a good partner - if she's at home all day with children, this is the most stressful, never ending task, think about work, if you are at a desk, you can have a minute at the water cooler, gone a smoke, have a pee break an sit and look at the cubicle wall blankly for just a couple of minutes - a stay at home parent, or woeking one who bothers themselves doesn't have this luxury, you can't scratch your ass, and then the house should be cleaned, the dinner ready, the children calm and well behaved etc. ImPossible! Just look around and see the devestation around you! Throw some laundry in the machine, wash some dishes, Pick the kid up for five minutes, so she can get a drink, brush her teeth, have a cry, even if it means she can carry on with something other chore, she will appreciate any gesture, and be less stressed, and therefore Be more receptive to your needs and less like someone on the brink!

Young mom, completely agree about the parents spoiling boys and making them behave this way, if you raise your sons like that, your daughter in law will hate you!


Steadfast 5 years ago

I don't presume to have all the answers as I am still in the same boat. I believe that yelling, like spanking, doesn't work long term and leads to resentment. Instead, sit down with your spouse daily, weekly, & talk. Not yell but to communicate often what it is that you are feeling and what's going on. Agree beforehand that if one yells that the conversation is over and say, "we will try again next time." There is no reason to yell. You will not see a change the first time nor maybe for months. Keep communication open at all times and make a point to treat your spouse as your best friend during the conversation. Even if you do not feel that way. Think about it, when was the last time you yelled at your friend? Did you yell the next time or try to make things right? We treat those closest to us the worst because we feel safe to do so. Yet we treat our friends better. Our spouse may not be our best friend but they can be.


Myrs 5 years ago

My partner is such a lazy man, I worked full time, and He work part time, we have 3 kids and i always pay half of all bills. but all households chores are mine, after worked in the office i still working at home doing, washing, dishes, cleaning, cooking and everything inside the house. And he do nothing after his worked. It is so unfair. I want to leave him now. i hate him!!!!!!


ande4874 5 years ago

all i want is the man to throw away his pizza hut box and fold his own clothes, i don't want to praise him for something a five year old can do!


djstreet 5 years ago

I read this after working a full day, starting the laundry and making . In 23 years of marriage and kids I have never come home (even when he was laid off) to dinner and the household humming along, homework started, piano practiced. My husband doesn't say even a thank you. And his mother says I don't truly appreciate HIM!


WhereDidTheHappinessGo 5 years ago

I have been sitting here reading all the comments people have written. And I see that I am not alone in wanting my husband to help out with the housework or help with anything. I was starting to think I was the only one dealing with this crap! LOL! And I know all the suggestions that were listed above will not work on my husband.

All he wants to do all day long is lay in bed (or on the couch) watching tv. I am so tired of doing every thing. He wont pick up after his self, it takes him forever to actually fix any thing around the house. He just simply rejects doing any kind of house work.

I have came to the point where I have went on strike! Just to see if it will make him pick up at least one thing! Nope hasn't happened yet. All he has done is complained about how things are beginning to look. I don't get it at all, why can't he help? Why is it all on me??? I just can't do every thing any more! He doesn't have a job, he is unemployed.

I am to the point where I want to leave him. I just can't take it any more. Then on the top of every thing that I do for him, he wants to poke jokes at me, or tell me how I am doing it wrong. I'm just so tired, and I have so much resentment towards him. I never used to feel this way....I'm just sick of it!


JW 5 years ago

My husband actually loads the dishwasher on the weekends. We did have a rational discussion, even made a chart and a to do list. I work from home, that means my job is sourced here. I do not have kids, but he still did not do his share. It is his house as well.. Why should I have to tell him, to take out the trash, why should I have to tell him to load the dishes. He has a 141 IQ! Mine is 2 points higher. Fuck this I am getting a maid..


Jason 5 years ago

I read this to see if there was a way I could my lazy girlfriend away from the TV to help me do ANYTHING around the house. I do 98% of it myself!


Monica 5 years ago

I am going on strike from housework, including cooking, until things change around here. The only time my husband realized how much I really do around the house was last year when I broke my hip and was on bed rest for three months. We're only 29 and don't even have kids yet! I work full-time and he has a seasonal job, so he's unemployed right now, but won't help with anything until I get mad at him for doing nothing. All he does without asking is clean the cat's litter box, take out the trash and shovel the snow. I'm tired of cleaning, cooking, doing the laundry, washing dishes, paying bills, grocery shopping and picking up after him.


Chouji-Von-Lycan profile image

Chouji-Von-Lycan 5 years ago

lol, i loved it :) an enjoyable read


Chouji-Von-Lycan profile image

Chouji-Von-Lycan 5 years ago

lol, i loved it :) an enjoyable read


drained 5 years ago

Ok I work 43 (if not more) I have a 5 year old and a 2 year old(both boys) and I'm 8 weeks pregnant. My husband works maybe 20 to 30 hrs week. So I'm the "bread winner" of the house. He works nights I work days. He sits here all day with my 2 year old (5 yearold is at school) and does nothing ever great once in a while he might sweep. It drives me crazy. Then he decides to get cats and won't keep the litter box clean. I can't do it since I'm pregnant drs orders. He expects me to come home and clean after working 8 to 9 hrs a day and do it all when he only works 5 to 6 hrs a night. Granite I have a office job but still I have no time with my boys as it is much less coming home to a trashed house everyday. I need help and he is the most stubborn person ever! I've tried to just not do anything and see if he decides to help then but no he just let's it pile on and on. Any suggestions??


Pinkflowers11 5 years ago

Wow, I didn't realize that so many women have this problem. I have been dealing with my lazy fiancé who does just about nothing. If he does ONE cleaning job, or ANY other chore that needs done, he reminds me for the next two weeks (angrily)how wonderful he was for doing that and I have no right to say that he doesn't do very much! He gets on my nerves. He had been talking for the last five days about fixing a light switch in his mom's kitchen, and how he needs to go out to buy a new switch (he made it sound like he was going to build a new house). So today, when I am going to the store,he asked me to pick up some new light switches at the store for him. I am so sick of doing little favors for him. I totally agree with how Gaggle feels. I am tired, becoming very resentful, fed-up with his laziness, the list goes on and on. Why should any woman have to make suggestions or use tactics to get a husband, fiancé, or boyfriend to GROW-UP and behave like an ADULT! I think the article here is completely ridiculous, and demeaning for women.


Soo tired 5 years ago

My husband of 14 years still doesn't get it. I knew what I was getting myself into based on how how filthy his apartment use to be when we were still dating. He's gotten better over the years especially after our 2 sons were born. I work full time and pretty much the breadwinner of the household, he works 10-15 hours less than I do. On my days off I always have a project in mind in addition to the regular chores. Special projects mean: organizing bills, organizing kitchen cabinets, putting shelves up etc. My husband is under the impression that's days off should be devoted to doing nothing! And that he's doing me a favor by doing chores on his days off. I should be thankful that he doesn't drink, do drugs, or he claims plays video games all day. He's jealous of a husband who does this all day, but that husband works 12 hour shifts and makes a lot more money than mine. My husband was raised by a single mom who did everything for him. My 8 yr old is now noticing how his father is content with finishing things "half-ass" and I am afraid that he will turn out the same way. I got home today and all he did was put away the laundry while watching our 3 year old on his day off. There were dishes in the sink and the hOuse was a mess! After I cooked dinner and fed the family, I sat down with my kids to relax, he stared dozing off. I got up and started to put the dishes away...I asked him why the house was a mess, he started getting upset and went on with it's his day off and I don't appreciate him


Older and Wiser 5 years ago

Have you noticed how many women seem to have the same problem? Lazy slob husbands that don’t help with the housework, and don’t care if it gets done. And we’re uniting in the fact that he is a bum and we’re not alone. BUT, have you stopped to think that maybe we’re approaching this the wrong way? Why does a dog chase cars? It’s annoying and bad for him, but he won’t stop. Why? Because he’s a dog.

Our problem is that we want our men to think like we do, see things like we do, and act like we do. The dishes are dirty, you want them clean, so he should want them clean, right? Wrong. You know why? Because he’s a man. Men’s hormones and chemical makeup are different than ours. Women can actually release stress when doing dishes. Men relieve stress by watching TV. Part of the genius behind the suggestions above is that they are asking you to treat your man based on how HIS brain/emotions/chemicals work, not yours.

John Gray, the author of “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” has a new book called “Venus on Fire, Mars on Ice” that talks about the difference between men and women’s hormones. I’ve been married for 22 years and gone through some hellacious periods with my husband – learning to understand the difference between men and women has saved my marriage.


24yr old fiancé 5 years ago

I've been with my fiancé for 7 years now, yes, we were 18 when we began to share an apartment together. I've been able to train him well in some areas. If i ask for a glass of milk he will get it for me, or hand me my purse when i want something out of it. If there is a problem with the car or if the oil needs changing he will get it done. He makes more money than i do and works more hours (now) so i don't mind doing a little more around the house than he does. (I'm also a more-than-full-time student).I'd never ask him to scrub baseboards, the tub, the toilet, the blinds, etc. The problem is the everyday chores. The dishes, the laundry, the garbage, etc. He REFUSES to do the dishes because that was his chore when he was a little boy AND he says his hands get tingly (i bought gloves but he doesn't use them). He uses his allergies as an excuse to get out of doing the dusting, vacuuming, and the laundry. (We have more than 3 cats and smoke in the house so the dust builds fast). How can i get him to simply wash a dish? I don't want to marry a baby.


Pinkflowers11 5 years ago

I went to my therapist last week and told her I am overwhelmed by the amount of work I am having to do. All the "little" extra things that my fiancé asks me to do are wearing me out. She says that I should not be doing any of his jobs. He is the one who needs to take care of himself. Not that it is wrong to help another person, but it can not be a daily job. If he doesn't take care of his needs, then it just doesn't get done. He has to deal with it. NOT my problem. Feeling bad for him, feeling pressured,or "loving" him are not reasons to do anything that he could or should be doing. I also have a problem with feeling that I "should" do things for him because I love him. She says that I will work, work, and work, and NEVER get anything accomplished. She is 100% right. So I told him about our conversation and he said at one point, "So let me get this right, you won't EVER do anything for me again." " I thought you were doing these things because you enjoyed doing it!".........MEN, OOOOOOOOh they get me sooooooo angry!!!!!! Sometimes everything with them is sooo extreme. It is either black or white. Telling him I am overwhelmed and can't do all of these things to him is " I am not doing anything anymore!" LOL.


CagedBird 5 years ago

I have been with my husband for 20 years, married for 18. I was (I now realise) a very naïve 20 year old when we met, he is 17 years older than me. It has taken years for me to realise that the cause of my depression over the years is not me, it's his inability to act like a grown man. I am now on pills for anxiety as I've got to the stage where I simply cannot cope any more. If I had somewhere to go I would have left already, but with 3 children I can't do that. I work full-time because I have to - he has taken a lower paid job because it's a nice easy job, never mind that we have a family to raise. I am also studying further through my job to try and earn a better wage. I come home from work and have to start on the cooking, cleaning etc - my weekends consist of washing, ironing, shopping and more housework. He gets in from work, grabs the tv remote and sits on his arse for the night - his weekends consist of the same, sitting on his arse, watching whatever sport is in season at that time. He orders this kids around to make him tea, fetch him ear-buds so that he can clean his ears out from the comfort of the sofa and then just leave the filthy ear-bud on the coffee table. Then... he expects me to be turned on?!!! He makes sarcastic comments about me being frigid - I just so desperate to get away. My heart sinks when he gets home from work, and a weight lifts when he's not around. He accused me of having an affair once because I was never in the mood - I actually left him at that point, only to return a couple of days later as I had nowhere to go. He contributes nothing to our children's birthdays, christmas presents, pocket money etc - just sits back and lets me clean my bank account out. I have asked him to contribute and he gets arsey. This is not a life, and as awful as it sounds, I can't wait for my children to get to school leaving age so I can finally get a life away from him.


cntstaywifeynomore 5 years ago

My husband and I have been married for 6 years. He VERY VERY rarely help me in the house. He's NEVER done laundry or put them away by himself. We both work and have a son. I think it's unfair. I am sick and tired but I'm stuck. I think this is because he's been pampered by his parents and as soon as he moved out we got married.It sucks!


cathy 5 years ago

wow women everywhere are experiencing the same thing I am Lazy ass men. i too am so sick of my man after18 years of marriage i do evertythin. In the beggining he was in army i stayed home i didn't mind doing everthing cause i wasn't working. than i became an lpn worked overnights worked 70hours aweek he was unemployed and did nothing no wash no dinner no nothing i did it all well now hes still unemployed watches tv all day smokes and drinks all day thank god my kids are grown doent even look for a job. well thank god i was smart enough to stash extra money away cause i am leaving his ass hope he can find another woman who will do everthing women need to stop doing everthing don't cook dont clean dont do a damn thing than run like hell and get away that's what i am doing no more slave just freakin freedom


walks softly 5 years ago

my hubby works and that's it~ no garbage no lawn no nothing but work then the computer when he is home.He will fight me and blame everything but his lazy ways for not doing things.I will never love anyone like how I love him but now he is just aloof and lazy all the time and it is making me edgy and annoyed.I stay at home now but it was the same when I worked.I'm disappointed and don't have the energy to try to get him of his butt then have to do it myself anyway.It is not like I am asking him to move mountains.Too bad our relationship has to be less then it could be over running the vacuum or putting away some dishes!


Radiantbeauty82 5 years ago

I am working on better ways to deal with my frustration concerning my husband and his lack of "do". I have tried praising him when he helps around the house and with the kids, but for some reason that seems to push him to do LESS. I don't know what else to do other than pray. He comes from a home where his [single] mother did EVERYTHING for him and he is used to having everything handled for him. So, it does not phase him for me to run myself into the ground working a 9 to 5 (while he works 2-3hrs/day for 3 days a week), caring for our home and children, working towards my doctorate, and paying most of the bills. He is fine with that. I have tried talking to him, but it always leads to an argument, so now I just don't say anything at all. I just shut down and keep a distance from him. And it's actually funny to me that he doesn't seem to understand how I can possibly be tired all the time and not want to be intimate with him. It is amazing to me how many men just don't get it. Then, to add fuel to the fire, mother's day the only reason he even opened his mouth to me was to start an argument. No cards, no flowers, no NOTHING. I was very hurt. Even our 3 year old daughter made me a card. Our 4 year old son went outside and picked me a flower. A male co-worker bought me a dozen roses and a card. My own husband- he did nothing. I know I have alot to learn about being a wife and relating with a husband, but what can I do to encourage him to work with me (like a partnership) and to value me?


Joan 5 years ago

I can't believe there is so many people in the same position as myself. I work up to 60 hours a week, he works 40 hours at the most. I get up at 6.30, get my 8 year old daughter up and dressed for school, make her lunch and my partners lunch, get myself ready for work then drop my daughter to my parent for 8.00am and they put her on the school bus at 9.00am.I then head to work and if I'm lucky,I'll get home for about 7.30.then I must prepare dinner, while it's cooking I do homework,then serve dinner and wash up afterwards. (my partner has been home since 5pm.)then I must get his and my daughters clothes ready for the next day and do a wash. Then try to stay awake long enough to read a bedtime story to my daughter. Back down the stairs, I make my partner a cup of tea and give the fat lazy slob a full packet of biscuits in the hope that he won't say a word to me which would make me use up the very last of my sanity to try respond in a polite manner. Oh, I forgot to mention that he has been on 2 weeks holiday from work and the house is worse than I left it when I get home and I have also forgot to mention that I am almost 6 months pregnant. When I try talk to him ( and I would treat my 8year old with more maturity) he sulks. He actually sits there and says he can't believe I think he is lazy...... Then gives me the silent treatment. I do not take sulking from my daughter so I won't take it from a 36 year old man. Yet, here we are asked to baby our men to make them feel good, but when their friends are around, we are suppose to say how manly they are? And they say women are too hard to work out. Looking at him slouched on the sofa now, I'm thinking of investing in a sledge hammer.


OliveGreenEyes 5 years ago

OliveGreenEyes

my husband and I have been together for almost four years. when we first got together he was the best thing I had ever had. My two previous major relationships had been most unpleasant...one that turned into a slave-driving party-a-holic literally the second the wedding ring went on...the other a verbally and mentally abusive self-hating alcoholic who took his shit-eating life out on me. When I met my husband he was self-confident, funny, he understood so much about me and he acted like a hero in my eyes. But as time wore on he has steadily gone downhill. Why do men try so hard in the beginning and then just turn into self-centered parasitical sloths once they've bagged their lady? He has cheated on me once that I know of and lately he's had so much trouble in that department I feel like he isn't attracted to me anymore. Is he cheating again? Probably. Why am I still here? For our boy. Because maybe I feel like between a party animal and a wife-beater, a cheater isn't so bad or at least is the best I can do. Finaces. Definitly. I'm in school right now and there is no way I would make it alone. Oh, yeah, speaking of school...he can't wait until I become a vet and he can retire...he told me this HIMSELF!!! OMG. He even used a good chunk of my student loan to buy a new TV for himself. How thoughtful. Should I mention the Percocet he tried to steal from me to sell??? Oops. Guess I just did. And then there is the housework that he never touches. During the last half of our first year of marriage I came down with pneumonia (spelling????) and was pretty much incapacitated for nearly two months. I lost my job, nearly my life and after that became a stay at home mom to my two sons, and we then planned to have a baby together. I figured since I was staying home and he was providing everything it would be my obligation and responsibility, even my honor, to take care of our home...and that I did with no expectation from him other than to provide financially. I did get child support from a previous relationship and I used this money to buy cleaning supplies and such and to pay for children's clothes and school things. Our groceries were purchased by means of welfare...I do not care for it but my husband seems to have no problem with it...he has never been shy about taking handouts and this is another problem I have with him. On the flip side if something COSTS him money is up in arms about it...he does love money and fancy man toys like his big TV and shotguns. (why do men hunt deer when they don't even like deer meat???) So anyway, I'm doing all the housework. He gets to come home and sit and vegetate. Now he suggests I start school so I can be a vet (which I've always wanted) and he can retire early. I say, OK, BUT YOU'VE GOT TO STEP UP AND HELP OUT AROUND THE HOUSE BOTH WHEN I'M IN SCHOOL AND AFTER I GRADUATE AND GET A JOB YOU HAVE TO BE THE ONE WHO TAKES CARE OF THE HOUSE". He's like all for it so I start school and he's all excited he's going to get to retire early and what does he do the first week I'm at classes? He sits and watches tv. Oh, he got up and did a few dishes and threw clothes in the washer. But he never put them away and he never put the clothes in the dryer. I guess he thought there was a magic elf that took care of that. Seriously??? Do some dishes and let the machine wash some clothes and then call it good? On top of that he's bragging to me about how hard he worked that day. SAY WHAT. What the fuck???? why do men do one well-mechanized chore, wipe the sweat from their brow and run to their wives bragging about their job well-done and then look all surprised and shit when we don't hand them a medal and applaud???-Well, the magic elf is in school now and now he's the one who needs some schooling on what it takes to run a home. I just don't get it. how can guys live on their own, take care of all the stuff that needs to be done and then suddenly become an amnesiac? I disagree with the thing about lists...there simply is no nice way to get a guy to do housework, but a list is to me the easiest and most non-confrontational way to deal with it. Face it, I would have to follow him around for days to get everything done that needed done. I've worked for men who do nothing but follow me around hawking over my shoulder criticizing my every mistake and telling me better ways of doing things...now if I can muster up the shoulder-width to learn from people like that he can certainly take heed to some of my far-kinder requests. These men have also inadvertently told me that they are in fact capable of noticing the details...most of them CHOOSE to ignore them. Ignoring it makes it go away. Then they don't have to deal with it. Then they can conserve their energy for their long episodes of "Pass-Time" and "Repo-Men". Men just have a predetermined desire to want to lounge and do nothing. I have been working since I was 18...I'm turning 40 this spring. I have NEVER not worked until now, and I am grateful to have this time to spend with my children...it is so rewarding to be the one to actually raise them now...why doesn't he feel the same? He just wants to watch stupid tv shows that 85% of the script is bleeped out of. He mows the lawn once a week and maybe runs a bag of garbage to the can...but just last week I was on the roof fixing some loose shingles...how messed up is that??? I bugged him about it for months, then finally did it myself. It's like he just doesn't care. Now I am getting so fed up with this bullshit I'm considering divorce. My oldest boy hates him so much he went to live with his dad. My middle-son is considering the same. Oh, HIS kids get away with everything....he never bitches at them for eating too much or drinking all the milk...he never bitches at them for playing video games too long or staying up too late. This double standard shit has got to stop. Now with our baby boy the shit is getting serious...he is so into his tv that he doesn't notice the toddler going upstairs and getting into glitter and strewing it from one end of the house to another. it could have been alot worse...what if he choked on something? what if he fell out a second story window? This lack of attention to anything but the tv is gone too far. Our little boy could end up paying the price for his lazy fucking ass.

so for those of you out there who sympathize with me know you are not alone...men are disgusting lazy pigs that us heterosexual women just can't live with or without. so here i am in limbo between marriage and divorce and not knowing which way to go...guess I'm just venting so thank god for this site, we all need someone to talk to even if noone is listening.


Jen 5 years ago

I have tried these suggestions. Just give him one thing to do. Ask him to do it once, but he forgets, so I have to do it. I have told him he did a good job on things he has actually done, but that doesn't motivate him to do more. I think he's selfish and if he isn't directly going to benefit from it then he sees no point in doing it. We both work full time, when he gets home he sits in front of the tv, or reads his book. On weekends he plays computer games all day, while I do the house or yard work. My dad always did work around the house and yard. He likes doing yard work. He recognized that he and my mom both had full time jobs and they split the work. My dad would start a project and take a while to finish it, yes, but at least he started something. What happened to men? They aren't like they used to be.


robyn 5 years ago

Ur advice sucks it dont work at all sayin that nuffin works im 21 and got a 7 month old daughter i get up at 6 with her sort her out sort myself out wake my lazy man up go to work and work my arse off to get enough money for the bills go home sort the baby out tidy up a bit do the food and then sort the baby out agen by the time i get to sit down and relax its bout 10.00 on my day off i cant spend ot playin wiv my daughter i have to go do the shoppin on my own go home clean the whole house then do some food i love my man but just wish he wasn't such a lazy t**t im fed up of his excuses bout him lookin after the baby all day shell happily sit in her walker and play while hes doin things and wot bout wen shes asleep wot does he do then sit on his arse in front of the tv. Am i askin too much off him to do a bit of cleanin while im at work?


michellelee 5 years ago

i have been married 25 years ,4 kids full time job .Throughout my marriage i have been sexually & emotionally neglected.Things are great in my marriage as long as i don't ecpect my husband to do anythin or do be affectionate or have sex with me.When we used to have sex its felt like a child molester.He was very selfish in bed and i was merely a warm place to stick his penis into for a minute or so. No kisses ,hugs, no words of love nothing. If i died tomorrow i could only imagine him feeling sorry for himself because he would be left to take care of the kids alone not because he lost his wife.He never loved me & i know that. i need to end things. other than my kids i have no family.I'm on my own with all of this and really don't know where to start.so i gues i;ll go talk to a lawyer (free consult no money for anything else)& continue to be miserable until i can afford to change things.He won't move out and finally we can't afford for him to get a place. The only reason i even live is for these kids.


Susie 5 years ago

I have read the article and tried it all and nothing works on my husband. He used to at least show some appreciation for all my work but now I get nothing. He literally spends most of the weekend in bed playing on his computer or sleeping while I do all the laundry, gardening, cleaning literally everything. He doesn't drive so I have to drive him here there and everywhere. I do all the cooking and then clean up afterwards. I cannot remember the last time he even touched a washing machine. I once folded all his clothes and asked him to put them away - he ignored them until bedtime when he simply put them on the floor and the dog slept on them. I had to wash them all over again. Why do I do this on top of a full time job you ask. It just happened so slowly that I didnt' see it coming until it was an ingrained pattern. I have cried, shouted, begged and bargained him for some sharing of responsibility and I get nothing or he just explodes in anger and twists the argument on to my perceived rudeness or nastiness tohim. I have deliberately left everything thinking he will just get fed up and do it himself and he didn't. He seems happy to live like a pig. The worst thing is that I seem to spend my life cleaning up after him. As soon as I clean something he will leave food wrappers on it or just dump his things on the floor. I will hoover and he will just eat over the floor dropping crumbs. When I complain even nicely he says I am moody and bad tempered. It is like I don't have a right to complain. How do we get ourselves in these rutts. I hear myself saying life it too short and I am not even sure I like him but why do I feel so trapped. If I could snap my fingers and just make it all go away I would in a heartbeat. Says a lot about our marriage. We don't even have children. All I ever wanted was to be a mother. I adore children but it never happened for us. I begged him for years to go to a dr so we could get tested and when he finally did we found out the issue was him and the icing on the cake was that he suspected it all along., I feel like he has now cost me the chance of being a mother.


Mad Wife 5 years ago

My husband rarely ever does any housework. I cook, I do the dishes, I do the laundry, I keep the house tidy, I make the bed, I raise our child. I'm a SAHM and he works part time and the rest he spends on the computer playing WOW. The computer will be on the other end of the sledge hammer before too long.


I had enough 5 years ago

My husband has been on & off working since the economy went down & the pressure was always on me because my job is stable & consistent. He would always say "uh there might not be any more work so i might go on unemployment again". And now he's on disability for almost 3 months now.. I can count with one finger how many times he has cleaned the whole entire house or cooked a home meal for the family. I've been on disability where i had a huge major surgery & almost died, but was able to pick up after myself and still cook & clean! I've worked and clean and cooked everyday! Where's my time to relax??????


evie 5 years ago

"Adam and Eve were in the Garden of Eden, and Adam said one day, "Wow, Eve, here we are, at one with nature, at one with God, we'll never age, we'll never die, and all our dreams come true the instant that we have them." And Eve said, "Yeah... it's just not enough is it?"


adamie 5 years ago

You forgot the rest of the story...then Adam said, "You're right Eve, this is boring, we're way too old to still be living in our Parent's house." Then Eve asked, "But how can we escape this incredibly dull life?" And Adam sat down in the grass to watch the bears play with the falcons and said, "I don't know I'll do it sometime next week...if it's such a big deal you think of something!" And he was too lazy to even imagine himself a beer or some pizza, so Eve had to imagine everything for the both of them.

One day a handsome talking snake saw Eve's misery and decided to help a sister out, Eve took his good advice, got divorced and lived happily ever after although she did a kind of lousy job raising the kids what with the incest and all... the rest is history... if you believe in talking snakes, magical fruit, and imaginary dudes who make people out of ribs. THE END


Professor 5 years ago

I have a full time job and part time job, a ten year old and i'm pregnant. My husband of 14 years is unemployed and has been since our first child was born. He has two chores.. Take the trash and pick up my daughter from school. I dont nag, I dont beg, I dont criticize- but that advice sucks and has never worked. I think its time to call it 'quits' because my attempts to hold my marriage together only enable his laziness more! Btw-i advise against marrying your high school sweetheart, avoid the 16 years of stress.


sickntired63 5 years ago

I think the advice in this column is absurd. Nobody asks me to do just one task around the house or thanks me profusely for getting off my butt and actually doing it! I work full time AND run a small home based business and my husband also works full time. However, I earn about twice what he does between my two businesses. My husband does nothing without being nagged and next to nothing when I do goad him into actually doing something around the house! Fortunately, I have a housekeeper who comes every two weeks and takes care of basic stuff like dusting, vacuuming, etc. However, I still do all of the cooking, all of the cleanup, all of the laundry, cleaning three litter boxes and straightening up the house in the interim when the housekeeper comes. My husband can't even bothered to pick up after himself. He comes home from work and his work clothes are strewn about the living room. He lays on the couch watching tv and eats and drinks. His dirty dishes, bottles and glasses stay on the coffee table until I remove them. He wouldn't think of taking out the garbage without being asked even if he has to stuff something into the overflowing can. We lived in our house for 10 years before he knew how to turn on the dishwasher. He still doesn't know how to use the washer and dryer. He goes shopping and buys things and the boxes, bags and packages are just left whereever he happens to open the item around the house. No thought of putting it in the trash can. We have a whole room of our house that is completely unusable because of the mountain of trash and unopened bags that are in there. It looks like an episode of "Hoarders". His shoes are all over the front hallway, 10-12 pairs. The book shelf in the front hallway is covered with invoices and paperwork from his job that are years old. It's the first thing anyone coming into our house sees and I'm embarrassed to have people over because it's a disgrace. He won't clean it out yet he won't let me clean it out either. The same thing with our "hoarder" room. I wanted to clean it out over July 4 weekend and he threatened me that I better not get rid of anything in that room! So, not only will he not help me clean out our house, he refuses to allow me to do it! The icing on the cake is that we live right next door to his parents and his mother is constantly whining about how they never see me. Well, they never see me because I'm too busy supporting and cleaning up after their lazy, good for nothing son! I blame my in laws for their son being a lazy ass. She never worked and still waits on my father in law hand and foot. It's because of their crappy child rearing that their son is a loaf!


LInda 5 years ago

I don't really agree that this is always the case. I've been married twice and I have asked very little as far as help. Any time I have asked, they screw things up so badly, I never want to ask them to do anything again,

Example - the toilet was clogged, I asked him to put some draino down to clear the clog, he ended up cutting the pipe and now our sewage drains out onto the lawn.

Two screws were a little loose on the front door handle, I asked him to tighten them. We no longer have a door handle, well, we do, but it's in a box in the living room and there is a hole in the door.


justdoit 5 years ago

Grown men should not be treated like little children. They should see what needs to be done,and do it-- be a fair partner in work and play. Men who are selfish and lazy are not vert sexy in my mind. You know what I mean :-)


mencanbesickofittoo 5 years ago

I cook about half the time, I do all my own laundry (I'm not allowed to do hers because I "don't do it right"), I do all the maintenance on the house and cars, I repair anything that's broken, I mow and do all the other tedious chores around the grounds (gardening is her exclusive prerogative), I pay the bills and keep the books, I seldom have fewer than three remodeling/home improvement projects underway, I keep the garbage and recycling taken out, oh, and I also have a job.

She does all the grocery shopping and a bit more than half of the cooking, and a lot of the cleaning, although I do quite a bit more cleaning than is ever acknowledged. Yet I still face the resentment and attitude because I "don't do enough to help around the house," by which she means that she think I don't do enough housecleaning. Apparently none of the other stuff counts as contributing to the running of the household--only housecleaning does.

No matter how much the guy is doing, if he's not also keeping the house clean, he's a lazy good-for-nothing ass who deserves hatred and contempt, and frequent tongue-lashings. I used to clean the bathroom regularly. She'd clean it again because it's only really clean if she's cleaned it. Since it was a waste of time, I stopped doing it. Same with the kitchen. I keep the dishes cleaned up, run the dishwasher and unload it, keep the counters wiped down, and so on. None of that counts--it's only clean if she cleaned it, and then she's sullen about doing it.

I do the things I do gladly, I don't resent her for not doing them, and I don't ever mutter under my breath about "why isn't SHE up on the goddam ladder scooping nasty stinking half-rotten leaves out of the gutter?" as she does when she's mopping the kitchen floor.

As for sex, she cut me off years ago. Announced she was no longer interested. Of course if I turned to someone else, I'd be a dirty lousy no-good cheater. She decided she didn't ever want to have sex again for the rest of her life when she was 43, so of course I don't ever get to have it again either. Since I've had the nerve to express a little resentment about that, I'm sure the women on here are going to unload on me. Go right ahead, but before you start in on the routine about how I must be a fat, lazy, out-of-shape unappealing couch potato, allow me to inform you that I work out 3 to 5 days a week and am in better physical condition now at age 59 than I was at 30, when we met.

I'm also perfectly willing to let her process everything that happened at her stressful and demanding job every evening when she comes home, listening attentively and making supportive comments at appropriate moments, indicating that I understand her feelings about the events she's relating without presuming to offer solutions, which I've learned is what she (and most women) want. I do this even though hearing about that stuff makes me want to scream.

There's two sides to everything, ladies, and the next time you feel resentful and angry about how your husband "doesn't do anything" why don't you try looking at the situation from his perspective? Maybe he resents having the things he does dismissed as unimportant. It's not just the things that you would do, and wish he would do so you wouldn't have to, that matter. Maybe he's done a lot of things that would never occur to you, but which, if not done, would make a big difference. Have you changed a furnace filter lately? Do you know how? When the filter gets changed it's not visible, as it is when the kitchen floor is mopped (unless you open the furnace), but it matters whether it gets changed.


Tired&only27 5 years ago

I feel bad for most the women on here My mom worked and after work she came home and cooked ands cleaned and fed the kids, the most my dad ever did was organize the mail or wipe the counter other then that he was making his dent in the sofa or his be in front of the TV. So I vowed to never be like that. Ky wife doesn't work (as planned before marriage) we have a 3 year old and 18 month old boys. And I don't expect her to be q house maid or have everything spotless or something but every day I come home from work to find food or drink adhered to the floor table or sofa, dishes all dirty trash everywhere but the garbage and her and the boys are always hungry. So what do I do? I clean I cook (or order out) feed the kids, bath the kids, get them in bed, and then eat whatever I made (cold). I've tried everything to motivate her and she knows she's lazy but nothing works! After 5 years of this I'm exhausted and unhappy and because of that I too am starting to not care and be lazy at home and our house becomes disgusting. Oh she won't even let me pay someone to clean mostly I think because it would just be a testament to her laziness. I love her but I just cant let this go on, HELP!


becmn65 5 years ago

I am sorry for your situation. I would love to married to you because my husband won't let me stay home with our son. I work full time and do all the housework. The only thing I can think of is that your wife is just lazy. Or she knows you will take of everything so why should she do it. I would have a long talk with her and tell her what you expect (dinner nightly and a (not spotless) but orderly house) If she doesn't work outside the home then THAT is her job inside the home-to clean, prepare dinner and take care of the kids. If she doesn't start doing her job then fire her as a stay at home mom and make her get a job outside. She doesn't know how blessed she is to be able to do that. Maybe counseling would help also.


JoSe 5 years ago

Do the same thing and then he will realize you are doing the same thing he has been doing for years, and maybe he'll decide enough is enough. No Fat Chance!


Frustrated 4 years ago

I stopped washing my husbands clothes and i refuse to clean the basement, because all he does is go down stairs and watch tv, after a long hard day at the store. Yes, ladies, he doesn't have a labor intensive job. Now, this year, I have mowed the lawn 5 times in two months, built a set of shelves, completely landscaped the front yard, and even taken out the trash on several occasions. He used to say, "If I buy this house, you'll keep it clean right?" When I even worked too but because I made less than him! For three years, I worked part-time, took care of the kid, and went to school. Every time I tell him that we never do anything together he says, "well, why don't you come down and watch a movie with me then?" This year I decided to go back to school and only work part-time because I am so sick of him being lazy. He plays devils advocate all the time, on everything I say. And when we are low on money, he tells me that we need to make cut-backs. Then he goes golfing, 50 miles away, because he had a coupon! He uses a golf cart so there is little or no physical exercise whatsoever. I bet he has gained 60 lbs since we have been married and I have gained 25 but because I had a kid. The only redeeming factors is that he is a good cook (but messy and fattening),and is romantic sometimes but that is only because he wants nookey. He can't even pay the bills on time. I had to get a separate account and now he hides money from me in antoher bank account. I don't care too much though because I never got any of it anyway. I buy clearanced makeup, shop for $8 shirts, and only own 5 pairs of shoes. flip flops, 1 inch heels, one set of loafers, a pair of ecco clearance things from TJmaxx, and a pair of silver heels from my friend's wedding. I have tried to cut corners so much that I don't even go out with my friends much anymore. I can't afford to pay for the dinner. Man are aggressive and that is ONLY why it's a man's world.


jas 4 years ago

Thankyou all for your comments, its so so reassuring that there are others out there with same problems...


Typical 4 years ago

Why do we have to baby these lifeless leeches? They're human too. They do these things because they can. Because women say things like "you can only ask him to do one job at a time and you cant demand or he'll become defensive." pardon my French but screw that! Either get up and participate in life or leave.


MerryHousewife 4 years ago

Here is a possible solution. Get a maid. Yes, it's expensive, but I'd suggest taking the money from a part of the budget that affects both you AND your husband. Then maybe he'll appreciate what he's paid for and keep things clean. The good thing about a maid is that she'll clean - she won't be there to pick the crap up off the floor, do the dishes or wipe the counters, but at least you won't ALSO have to clean the toilet and mop the floors. I had a sitter once that came once a week and while my kids were napping I had her pick up the kids mess and sweep and mop the floors. I just told her that was part of the job. So I could get away for 3 hours a week and come home to a reasonably clean house.

But I agree that a lot of men don't get it for this reason: They've never been you. But not only have they never been responsible for kids and house like we have, they're men and just don't care the way we do.

And as I'm writing this my husband tells me to get off my ass and stop being lazy! HA!


MerryHousewife 4 years ago

Tired&only27, do you think your wife may be depressed? Caring for two little kids is really hard and can really take its toll. I'm wondering if she naps with the kids - that would explain the messy house and could indicate depression. Maybe talk to a therapist about it.


TheIgnoredGender 4 years ago

Wow, I sure hope this article is a joke. I guess cutting the grass, cleaning the gutters, taking out the trash, and working with dangerous power tools to fix things doesn't count as housework because that's what a man would do. Any tips on how to get women to help do these things?

What a sexist article this is. A lot of generalizations of men like "men reject lists" or "need to be the hero"

Maybe women typically do more of the cooking/cleaning because they usually get to spend more time at home. (why else is daytime television directed mainly to women?) Besides it's the machines (invented by men by the way) that actually washes the clothes for you. All you have to do is put them in and push a button. You can do this during a commercial break.

All this male-bashing has to stop.


Cherish77 profile image

Cherish77 4 years ago

My hubby is pretty helpful. sometimes he irks me, but i try not to complain, and if the laundry gets ahead of me, he takes some up to his moms and does it after work( he stays up on Saturdays because he has to be up super early on Sundays to prepare for brunch, so Im thankful for stuff like that.


Bob KEEGAN 4 years ago

So now what if it is the wife that doesn't do anything.I work for myself, so I am gone alot of the day. When I get home the kitchen is a mess so I have to clean after I start my laundry then cook dinner. After that I have to tend to the garden then do yard work. Feels like when I was a bachelor but with three times the work at home. I literally have to everything. I have talked to her but nothing has changed. She just smirks and walks away. Should I just take my child and get a divorce and leave, cause I am pretty close to losing it


Tired and Angry in Duluth 4 years ago

Sorry, I didn't find it helpful or funny. I guess I have too much anger and resentment towards my husband of 23 years. He retired several months ago and thinks that means he doesn't have to do anything he doesn't want to do which is basically nothing. He reads 8-10 hours a day and sleeps the rest of the time. For the first time I am thinking of divorce. I am still working and doing most of the work in the house. He is a horder on top and our basement is so full of !!!! I can't go down there it makes me physically ill. I don't let him bring anything upstairs without my okay. He is spending more nights in the extra bedroom.


Fairly-Odd-Media profile image

Fairly-Odd-Media 4 years ago from New York City, NY

Great post! My husband and I both work from home, and work very hard, but he feels that it's my job to do the housework, since that's how his parents did it, and he makes more money than I do. It's frustrating, because if I wasn't bogged down with housework and taking care of three kids, I could make more money than I am. UGH! lol

It's double frustrating because I was the bread winner in my last relationship, of 8 years, and my ex was totally confident enough for this not to bother him.


Erduk 4 years ago

If your husbands were really THAT lazy, you'd kick them out and not notice a single difference in your lives. I'm guessing you can't do that because the truth is he does more than you're willing to let on. Women disgust me with all this incessant lying and moaning about how hard they work at home. Clothes washing? You put the clothes in a machine, pour liquid in and push a button. Dish washing? Let them soak in warm water, put them in a machine, and finally push a button. Sweeping? Vacuum machine. Plug in, push a button, move forwards and backwards until floor is clean. Seriously, you women realize how spoiled you are with the housework now? Ask your mother or grandmother what keeping a house was like back in their day.

A man has to go outside and push a lawnmower up and down the lawn for an hour or two in ball sweating temperatures. Or the reverse, go outside and shovel snow in super cold temperatures for a half hour. Gutter cleaning? Man does it. Robber breaks into the house to rape you/kill you. Who do you expect to save your life? Your "lazy-good-for-nothing husband", that's who. You're all a bunch of spoiled twats that don't even know what real cleaning is anymore let alone know how to cook a decent meal.

If you don't act like a lady, why should your man act like a man? Had you expected the man to bring home the only paycheck from the beginning instead of going out and bringing home one yourself, he wouldn't have realized he could be lazy and live off of your money. Chances are it's impossible to fix it now. You've made your men lazy by going to work yourself instead of allowing him the be a man and feel important.

I've never been married, but I'm sure psychologically somewhere along the line your men think you ARE their mothers. You sure are acting like it. No sex, you clean and take care of him and the kids, you bring home more money than he does... He'd be dumb to NOT sit around and be lazy. You're doing everything for him, just like his mom did. If you want your man to be a man, you have to be a lady yourself and expect the man to be a man. It's that simple.


Erduk 4 years ago

@Fairly-Odd-Media Wait, you are "bogged down by three kids"? Since when were your kids baggage that kept you from having more money for yourself? See, this is why women these days don't get real men. They ARE the men.


blondy7373 profile image

blondy7373 4 years ago from indiana

i do almost all the housework, i take kids to all doctor appts. dental, school conferences , meetings at school, court for teenager, probation for teenager, pay all bills, give all kids medicine, take them to park and bathtime, i have 3 kids one teen and 2 under 8, two in school....i do all the house work call on bills make arragements on bills, go to low cost places to save money,.....my husband can barely do laundry, doesn't fold clothes often when he does laundry maybe once every 6 months might vaccumm or do a dishwasher load of dishes, clean the kids room once a year, he works 10-13 hrs day and works on the 2 vehicles when they get broken down, but besides that he might go to gas station or grocery store that's outragous prices to pick up few things, and spends way too much......i am totally sick of it...on top of that he never compliments me, never appriciative, i feel totally unappriciated and sick of putting up with him flipping thru the channels and acting like if i have a compliant that of im just ragging on him for no reason,,, i am getting ready to start 1st shift job and then college to finish my nursing degree, and then who knows what will happen and dont get much if any support from him , cause he is sooo afraid i will leave him or find someone else or cheat, yeah we have had our share of problems, and i dont shove any past mistakes in his face but he throws snide comments at me, i am tired of feeling unappriciated and lonely and sick of him not caring to give me attention, ............any sledge hammer will not cure this at all, and i expect him to be smart enough to fix and do housework, fully and not just half assing it , i have seen him do this before we had kids and use to help me clean but that was 14 yrs or so ago...........SOME MEN JUST SUCK SOOO BAD, AND DONT APPRICIATE NOTHING THEY HAVE TILL THEY THINK THEY ARE LOSING IT THEN WHEN THEY GET IT BACK , ITS BACK TO SAME OLD SAME OLD THING, LAZY NOT GIVING ATTENTION, THAT IS WHY I LOVE HOW BLACK COUPLES ARE, THEY KNOW HOW TO TREAT THEIR QUEENS! AND SOME WHITE TOO DONT GET ME WRONG BUT NOT MANY.............KUDOS TO ALL THE GOOD MEN OUT THERE!!


Idon'tgetit! 4 years ago

Why the hell would some of you all decide to have kids with someone so damn lazy! I love my fiancé and him and I decided not to have kids one we love our time, two if we did i told him we wouldn't make it! I would be doing most the shi# it the house and him well playing Games!! All I can say is some of you had to see this coming but thought.. I could change him, he'll get better! Well if he was lazy then chances are he is lazy now with your 3+++ kids! Being Married is a job all on it's own, if you don't have time for it then it isn't going to go the way you want it!


blondy7373 profile image

blondy7373 4 years ago from indiana

probably cause we all want the american dream , and sometimes people change thru out relationships and get lazy or more active, and no one knows anyones situation unless your them, i dont understand how a woman cant or dont have a motherly instinct or want kids with someone they love to share the joys of life i am glad i had kids even if i get a house cleaner, i will still have my dream and my children to share my life with. and i always will be unselfish, and not all about me, that's what makes life great , even if your husband dont do as much , there is always help out there to hire or family to help, i dont get people who dont even want kids but are suppose to be in love and want to share a life and then that's it , no great experiences in life, no great events, nothing to share intimately together, the gift of life is what its about , if your momma didn't love it ,.........you wouldn't be here to me that's selfish. at least she want like you or you wouldn't be here. lol dont comment if you dont have any children that's for sure no experience no reason to bother to understand or even try to lol.......you'll never understand if you have no experiences with the specific situation. i sure wouldn't never lol, have a great life!!


Idon'tgetit! 4 years ago

blondy7373, you speak as if you think you know me and you do not. I have been around children in fact even took care of my sister’s child for some time because she was a selfish mother and decided to party and drink! Let’s face the facts some people should not have kids and they do anyway, there are too many children in foster care and CPS because as you would like to call it "unselfish people" had kids! My Fiancé and I do love each other and are very happy, love is not defined by how many children you have. Many children don’t get to live in a home where the parents are happy and in love most people who have families end in divorce, so love cannot be defined by the children you have in a relationship! I don't understand how you can say someone doesn't have a purpose if they choose not to have kids! Kids are not the only purpose in life! There are amazing men and women out there who don't have kids and instead give back, they donate to charities, travel around the world to teach, but you must be right, because they don't have kids, they clearly don't have a purpose or any goals in life and of course they then must be selfish! My mom had me because she wanted kids and that was her choice in life. My choice is to enjoy my life with my Fiancé and other family members, to do good, give back by donating and volunteering! Sorry blondy but we aren’t in 1950’s anymore times have changed women and men want other things from life beside kids!


Erika 4 years ago

I understand your frusterations towards women, but I don't think men realize how hard us women work around the house I have to say there are a lot of lazy women out there too don't get me wrong. But I'm not lazy at all. My husband works fulltime and he's the bread winner. I on the other hand lost my job in 2009 due to budget cuts. I collected my unemployment for a little over a year and was a stay at home mom. Finally, I was hired as a server on the weekends to help with the bills. My husband would watch our son and pick the house up while I worked and made good money. Everything was going great. Well then I realized that he was becoming very selfish in a lot of ways cause he always asked me to rub his back and never offered to rub mine. :( I feel like he is another kid that I take care of. Don't get me wrong I appreciate my husband and love him for supporting us but even if I wanted to go back to school I would never have time since he is so flippn dependent on me. I truly believe that a man is a reflection of his mother or father. My mother in law is a complete slob and I feel he is just like his mother when it comes to keeping a clean environment. I've told him repeatedly "I didn't marry you to be your housekeeper." While he works from 8-5 Mon-Fri I cook dinner, clean the kitchen and prep the coffee the night before wash his laundry and rub his flippn back and I even give him sex. Mon-Fri I'm at home cleaning the house, kitchen, laundry, sweeping, vacuuming, taking both dogs out and gettn my son ready for school. I think I have spoiled him and he feels I won't ever leave him cause we have a kid together so he takes advantage of that. I'm tired of doing everything, I want him to spoil me for once since I'm a flippn hard worker but he only cares about himself. He works so much harder then me he tells me. I'm such an awesome wife, I'm serious...I bought my husband the new Modern Warfare COD and he plays it all the time on the weekends when I go to work. He knows that I'm OCD when it comes to my kitchen and living room and I hate clutter so he doesn't bother to pick up after himself. I'm litterally in tears over this cause I don't feel like he loves me or appreciates me anymore cause if he did why would he treat me like this? And If I really wanted to I could have a complete lifestyle but I don't cause I love my husband and my son. I pray to God that he'll wake up one day and realizes how good he flippn has it ya know.


blondy7373 profile image

blondy7373 4 years ago from indiana

I did have that problem and I talked to my hubby and had a nice sensitive conversation and now everything is great and YOU KNOW WHY cause he cared enough to listen he hasn't gave up on us working together he's not selfish and loves me that he wanted us both to feel good and appriciated and I also let him tell me how he feels and took my part of listening also, husbands need understanding and love too, but I do understand some who just don't care I think if your with someone that don't love you and care about your marriage enough it can be hard and even harder if ur the stay at home mom too, try a councelor and it may help him and u communicate better yes and some just don't care and treat u like trash and that's when its time to get help or get out and make a better life for urself and ur kids too...kids realize a lot more and see a lot more things then we think and they should be the most important more then your worried about being alone or any issues u have with bettering ur life or leaving him if he don't want to fix it ....good luck andmay god bless u all, I know its hard but u never know till u try you have to try you owe it to your kids and yourself to have a great life with or without him, we all deserve a good happy life and relationship...........


Erika 4 years ago

Blondy, thanks for your advice! :0) You are absolutely right. I actually have already talked to him and he's been cooking me dinner and rubbing my back. He explained to me that he's sorry for not helping around the house and he told me "he loves me!" So thank you God for answering my prayers! :0) Thanks Blondy you are a great lady and I hope your husband keeps helping you out. Take care and God bless...E :0)


Josh 4 years ago

I try to help out with the housework, i admit, I have slacked off for a couple days. But that's when she flips out the most. Its never "The house looks great!" Or "Dinner was delicious. Thank you!" or maybe even the condolence prize of "Thank you for taking the trash out" even though i'm the only one that does that. its always "So what did you do today? Did you do anything?" And when I go to respond she completely ignores me. Is it not enough that I go work for 12 hours a day and pay every bill leaving nothing for her to pay? Am I just that bad of a person that instead of jumping right home and scrubbing the carpets I want to just sit and relax for an hour? Its not easy working 12 hours, 6 days a week. She works part time as a cashier and expects the house to be clean when she gets home. Even when I'm still at work she expects me to magically clean the house somehow. I do more of the housework then she does and i'm the bad guy. Why? I need some female input on this, why the flog am I the bad guy here? The only thing I don't do is the laundry. I wash the dishes, I vaccuum, I pick up after her daughter, I pick up after, I put the dishes away. I clean off the tables and straighten everything out. Then I still make dinner and make sure its ready for when she gets home if she works later then me. If not, then when i come home I still do all those things. I guess I wouldn't mind so much if I had a nice office job where I just sat on my ass for those 12 hours. But I work in a distribution Center, I have to stand/walk/run around for those 12 hours. I get 2-15 minute breaks and a 30 minute lunch. Does she not realize that i am dog crap tired by time I get home? Shes threatening to leave me because of this. What the hell did I do that was so wrong?


blondy7373 profile image

blondy7373 4 years ago from indiana

please dont think you did anything wrong, I cant say i know you personally true, but sounds like something emotionally is going on with her...or maybe she is going thru something and not asking you for help to talk thru these things..If you not able to talk heart to heart without accidently offending each other i would recommend a councelor not long term just maybe so they can help you communicate without hurting feelings , sometimes we dont even realize how we can hurt each other inside, it should be equal, if your both working full time and then help each other when one of you is very tired and you have to have compassion on each other, sorry, but i have to say i had a friend that was doing that and she was just looking for a reason to leave cause she lost interest in him and was emotionally getting involved with someone else and thought there was a better life out there for her, but she finally realized that she had a great marriage and she had a great husband as soon as he stood up to her and found out few phone messages she had or that she was confused and he gave her a choice and tried to work it out , she soon found out being single is lonely and sucks, and not much time she got to spend with her kids, so they worked it out, but she started feeling that way cause of no attention from her husband , no compliments, and stress of life got to her , instead of talking to him she acted out in a bad way...but anyways, i dont think divorce should ever come up with two people who truely love each other and really care about each others feelings ...i've been married 20 yrs and after 7 or so, i felt like we lost lil passion and touchy feely things we used to do so i started doing it , had talk with him , and we dumped our pride said we were sorry and did not wait for each other to do it first , like you rub my back i will rub yours, we just did it even if one didnt and then the other realized and wanted to show more love and passion toward the other....i really hope you can talk and work it out, if you love each other anything can be overcame, we are truely resilant human beings, we dont think we are at first till we try but there is nothing wrong with you as far as im concerned with going by what you said is going on...sometimes a man has to be strong and stand up and say enough is enough and this is going to change (and/ or) we have to get help to get down to the bottom of this problem...if anything the children more then deserve 2 parents, that work together not against each other, or at each others throats emotionally, that is not what your kids should think a marriage and love is all about , and they notice alot more then we think, may god bless you and help you both, good luck, and i hope all works out great...........a marriage should only get stronger and grow, but we have to be willing to help it along too..............have a wonderful day !!


blondy7373 profile image

blondy7373 4 years ago from indiana

its amazing a person will take care of others children and think it is the same as giving birth to your own and having them 24/7, and then some people take one word out of a huge paragraph and drill on it, if you dont have kids that you raise from 0-18 and on, YOU WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND, if you dont have marriage , kids from birth and up and had them babys you will NEVER UNDERSTAND, IF YOU THINK YOU DO YOUR JUST IMMATURE, AND I AGREE WE WOULD NEVER AGREE UNTILL YOU HAVE THE EXPERENCE THESE WOMEN DO HAVE! LOL , IT SO FUNNY HOW SOME PEOPLE THINK THEY KNOW EVERYTHING AND THEY DONT BOTHER TO SEE HOW NEGATIVE THEY ARE ABOUT PEOPLE HAVING CHILDREN, IF YOU DONT HAVE EXPERIENCE DONT SAY NOTHING AT ALL, LOL, YEA , NOTHING, CAUSE WHAT DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND DUH.....LOL....

Y O U D O N ' T K N O W N O T H I N G O N T H I S S U B J E C T, LOL LOL RIDICULOUS!!!LOL


Notwhatithought 4 years ago

I am a stay at home mom with an infant .I'm more like a hosue maid then my husbands wife I'm at the point were I going

to leave is dirty untreatedful ass.I have tried to work with him what do I do to make this work .not look back


Sarah 4 years ago

My husband and I have 3 children ages 11,7 and 2 and he works from 7am to 3:30pm everyday except for weekends we both get up at 5am so I can drive him to work then I come home make the kids lunches for school get the two older kids up get them breakfast pack there backpacks then I wake my 2 year old and feed her breakfast run down stairs to do a load of laundry then I do all the breakfast dishes then take the older kids to school come home and play games with my 2 year until 11am when she goes for a nap thats when the real cleaning beggins I sweep and mop and dust and vaccum and wipe and polish and sanitize then its time to wake up the little one and go pick up the kids from school when we get home dinner is started and its time to help the kids with there home work my husband comes home and for him its right to the couch meanwhile im making dinner entertaing my 2 year old and helping the kids with there home work then we all eat together there I play a game with all the kids then bath the baby and put her to bed (husband still laying on couch) then I play a board game with the older 2 children then read them some books make sure they get ready for there shower while they are bathing I pick up all the toys in the living room and gather all the laundry from that day when they are done I tuck them in to bed and then go and wash up the dinner dishes (husband still on couch) once the dishes are done I will FINALLY get to sit down thats when my husband will ask me to get him something to drink or go to the store to get him something because HE is to tired to do it Uhhhh why do some men think just because they work 8hrs that they dont have to do anything else????? I used to work full time and STILL did all the work that needed to be done at home too why can women find the time and engergy to do all this stuff but men just cant pull it together???? Im up the same time as him but I am go go go untill 11:30 when I can finally finish my day and go to bed but him he falls asleep almost as soon as he walks through the bloody door :( I love him but I could really use more help and non of these tricks work on him I have been trying for 8 years and nothing seems to work with him


Hmmm 4 years ago

I have to say I have the same issue, but here is what has been working for me. I went through the list of things I do in the house, and decided which ones I felt were non essential. Vacuuming would be one, it doesn't really matter to me what day or week he does it. I then split the lists into Him/Who Cares/Important to Me. I then said to him I appreciate what you do around the house, but to make it simpler I have divided up the household needs. Here is the list I came up with for you, do it whenever you feel like it, and again I appreciate the help. If there is anything you absolutely hate let me know, I have cleaning bathrooms up for trade :) Then the who cares column is stuff that I will do when I feel like it or not, including cooking, he can make himself a bowl of cereal, hes not deficient. Hes open to cook if he wants as well. The few things I deemed essential, I do weekly on Sundays, but that's what works for me. The rest I just let go of, its his choice. As for children, I have one and she always has a dinner, but some nights I flat out tell him he is on his own. And yes, I work more then him, and I make more then him. But you know what? I don't like having to nag him, and I don't like the person I become when I do. My happiness is worth more then him or the chores. If he feels something is dirty, he is free to clean it. I am no longer attached to feeling like I need to get anything done for him, and if he feels that way I put him straight. No one signed up to be anyone's Mom. Be strong to yourself, and if he really leaves because you won't make him dinner after a 14 hour day, hes not worth it anyways.


Karen 4 years ago

I work a full time job plus do the cooking, laundry, grocery shopping, take care of the kids, help with their homework, pay the bills...at the end of the day I am EXHAUSTED! It is round the clock, I never get time to myself and rarely go out because if I did NOTHING would get done. He wonders why I fall asleep so early every night, well... I am TIRED because I am married but live like a single mom.


angie 4 years ago

i am so happy I found this ! I am so fed up with both my husband and my kids to be honest and sometimes i really wish I could close my eyes and walk away from it all. they all take advantage of me. This is my second marriage and honestly some things are no different from the first. My husbands problem isn't just the tv, it's his cell phone, xbox and now a computer game i told him he is addicted to. I use to be a stay home mom and because of raiseing kids and what I now know was severe depression I admit I sucked at cleaning. Now I have a different view of my self and my self worth and i am working a full time job and have decided this isn't just my problem. my husband has always had the attitude that it's " the woman's job". I have been working out of the home for a little over 2 years now and in the last 6 months I have been doing a job by myself that requres 2 people ( I am having to work 70 hours a week doing home care) and it only pays 40 hours but at least I get paid for doing what I don't even get a thank you for at home. Since my bosses mom has been visiting I have been useing my gas to run back and forth to try to get something done at home. My husband and I had words tonight because one of our daughters has been complaining about being sick ( I'm not buying it since she's been doing it alot and I waste time going to the doctor with her for nothing most of the time ). he had the nerve to tell me I have time during the day to take her. So I decied fine, tomorrow I will take her to work with me and take her to the walk in office when I am done with the morning routine and when I bring her back home I'm not cleaning a damn except what I few as " my mess" and that is it. I was going to be nice and put dinner int he crock pot so he didn't have to worry about it but now he can kiss my a$$ ! in all the years we have been together and even more so since I started driving , he hasn't hadf to worry about picking kids up from school cause they are sick, or taking them to the doctor or spending half the night in the ER, I've done it all ! I am going to try to save as much money as I can once I find a new employee so that I can take a little vacation ALONE and not have to worry about the pay I'm missing and let him deal with it all for a few days.


pissedoffwife 4 years ago

Oh I get it, spend additional energy (which I don't have to spare) coddling this man/adult -- meanwhile many things DAILY in the house need to get done.

Without the excessive stroking to get somebody to do one thing at a time. (Forget that laundry, for example, has multitasking requirements and benefits: empty the machine, immediately start a new load and THEN deal with the wet clothes; while clothes are washing/drying fold and put away what's clean.)

Has anyone noticed that when the next task is *assigned* right after the first one is completed there's rejection, excuses or worse: the argument you had been trying avoid by using these tips?

And then, if all else fails I should buy unnecessary roadwork equipment to break my expensive television.

Dear Mr Writer of this article, while it has some insights into managing the fragile male ego, it's a TOTAL FAIL.

Note to the other pissed off wives/partners: outsourcing all of the services you provide daily and free of charge, using only their money does wonders on the motivation level!


reiko75 4 years ago

I am glad I found this site as I have been extremely frustrated with my husband's total lack of support.

We got in a huge argument a few days ago about him not helping with chores, and he yelled at me "I have been paying all our f***ing bills for the last 5 years!!!" With neither of us working (I am a stay-at-home mom taking care of 1-yr old daughter), we've been paying bills from his savings (inheritance money from his dad), and it was obvious that he meant that he is letting me live a "rent free life" therefore I should be doing all the chores.

I was unbelievably upset and angry with what he said that I was in tears. All he cared about was himself (and HIS money), not US (husband, our daughter and I) trying to survive as a family. His comment made it clear that he does not know how much effort I put in to keep the household going (cooking, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, taking care of 1 year old daughter and 2 dogs, paying bills, running all errands, and sometimes helping with his work assignment when he was working...!). In his mind, staying at home is like playing all day. That's very sad. I am very sad he thinks that way.

If he really thinks that I owe him because the money we are paying our household bills (rent, utilities, groceries) comes from HIS money, then I am ready to move out with my daughter and live freely without "I owe you" or "you owe me" relationship. I don't want his money, all I want is one happy family with a husband who values quality of life over money...!!


enragedmum 4 years ago

How,s this for being treated like a slave and an idiot to boot! And i still havn,t hit either my 2 grown up sons or my lazy ass husband with that sledge hammer you have mentioned. But i am getting very close to it believe me!!!!!!!!

I work a 37hr week as a nurse often not finishing my shift until 1am in the morning. They all work a 40hr week. I make their lunch boxes every day. I make their dinner every day. I do all the housework, cooking shopping and just about everything else that needs doing in the house. A typical day is as follows.

I get up shower and dress.

Make the lunch boxes for my 3 men to take to work.

I do the laundry. Make the beds. Clean the bedrooms, which ALWAYS! means gathering up all the dirty landry and bringing down all the cups glasses plates pizza boxes crisp packets bar wrappers etc etc that my sons leave in their rooms every single day!.

Having gathering up all the laudry, I do the washing.

I hoover and mops the floors.

I prepare dinner as i am working set the table and leave a meal ready in the oven or slow cooker so that everything is ready when they get in from work.

I clean the bathrooms (3 of them) toilets etc, and put away all the toiletries that have been left lying all over the bathroom units, i lift the sponges that have been left in the showers after use, and i pick up the empty toilet roll holders of the floor and put a new one on the fucking holder where it should be!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then if i am really quick i might manage to grab a bite to eat before i go out to work as a community nurse.

Now you would think that when i get home at midnight or later, the house is as neat and tidy as i left it. (IS IT LIKE F--K)

I am met at the back door by 3 pairs of working boots, workclothes and coats thrown round the utility room. Floors are all rotten dirty again!! and 9 times out of ten the dinner dishes are still on the bloody table waiting for me to do them in the morning. The bathrooms are a mess again. Oh and guess what if i am not up in the morning to have the lunches ready, i get told that i am lazy.Oh and just for good measure how,s this to put the tin lid on things. NOW I HOPE YOU ARE ALL READY FOR THIS ONES LADIES, AND PLEASE FORM AN ORDERLY QUEUE WHEN YOU ALL COME WITH THE SLEDGE HAMMERS!!!. My husband runs a very sucessful business, and i earn although a reasonalbe salary it is no where near what he earns, lets say his would be about 90% more than mine. Well just have a wee guess at who is expected to buy all the groceries, toiletries and all the other things should as dishes pots pans bedlined towels etc etc etc, while his contribution is the oil and electric bill!! Go on you have one guess!! THATS CORRECT!! I PAY FOR EVERYTHING WITH LITTLE OR NOTHING LEFT OUT OF MY WAGES FOR MYSELF! And why!!! because apparantly he built the bloody house so now i am expected to keep it running on a nurses wage. But according to him this is more than fair. THE ONLY REASON I AM STILL MARRIED IS BECAUSE I HAVE THE UNUSUAL BELIEF OF I MARRIED FOR BETTER OR WORSE,BUT BELIEVE ME EVEN THAT ONE IS WEARING A BIT THIN.


On the edge 4 years ago

Wow. Such a shame to see how many women feel the same way I do. My husband is so lazy and when I sit down to have a talk to him about it he calls me selfish!!

I work Mon-Fri 8 hr shifts. He works Mon-Fri anywhere from 8 hrs to 14 hrs then proceeds to go to the gym for 3 hrs.

I clean our apartment, cook him dinner, wash the dishes, do our laundry, grocery shop, pay the bills, fix things around our place.... I do all this willingly because he does work longer hrs than I do and I completely understand that; however, what I don't understand is how he can't pick up after HIMSELF. That's the only thing I ask of him.

When he gets home from the gym he takes his coat off and throws it on the stove and his work clothes on the floor in the bedroom. He will fix a plate for dinner and leave all the dishes in the sink and counter.

He piles everything in his corner of the bedroom on the floor. If I asked him to clean it up he throws a fit and says he needs to "rest" which involves laying in bed playing games on his phone all day/night.

When I'm cleaning I ask him to move his stuff, he responds with I'll do it later or clean around it.

I'm at my wits end with this. I just want him to clean HIS mess and I'll handle the rest. Or help me out if I need something done that I can't do such as moving a heavy table so I can vacuum and he won't do it.

Women who have a man that clean on their own or help with any housework are extremely lucky and don't take your man for granted.


sschilke profile image

sschilke 4 years ago Author

Well, well.... This article certainly touched a nerve with more than one person. When I wrote this, on a plane coming back from New Orleans, I never thought this was the reaction the article would get. Obviously there are a lot of women who are fed up with their mates, who have found a sounding board to vent. My reaction... good for you! I don't take any of it personally. I didn't write this as any authoratative answer to lazy men. One repeated response I have read countless times in the responses is that women don't need to treat men like little kids, patting them on the back for something they should have the sense to do anyways. True enough, point taken, but remember the same arguement could be made for the women who constantly needs for her spouse to verbalize his love for her, even if he shows it in action every day (obviously not the men I wrote about in my article). In the end, we all fail and little grace works both ways.

Thanks for your contribution

sschilke


stubborn man won't respond 4 years ago

i may sound condescending when i talk to my man but it's with good reason, i already feel like i am raising a teenager (him) and my 2 kids because i work, he doesn't. i bought him a ps3 and have to fight with him to do more than the dishes and cook dinner, he ends up making all the meals i have asked him not to cook-the kids and i don't like them, but he does. praise him?? who praises me for working? cleaning? paying bills and taking care of all the finances? trying to make schedules at work and getting screamed at by customers? dealing with his stubborn ass? i should get a medal for that right there. praise him? HA!!!! you can tell this was written by a man. probably a lazy one.


so sad 4 years ago

You need to baby the man? Poor guy doesn't know that the dishes need to be done? Give me a break I'm sick of the baby crap! A man has a brain right? Think for yourself men don't wait until someone has to baby talk to you. Wake up!


Onepissedoffmom 4 years ago

You know what I scoff at? I scoff at men who think they know what the hell a woman who is pregnant is going through. If you think your wife is whining while she is pregnant then you need to get your testes burned off and get out of her house (you'll be doing her a favor). It's disgusting to see how little men know of pregnancy and the enormous strain it puts on a woman.

If you work outside the house and your wife is a stay at home mom consider yourself LUCKY. Why? Because your wife is willing to put in a 12 hour work day 7 days out of the week for zero dollars. If you don't think she is working while she is home then do this:

Wake up at 6am. Get a cup of coffee to start your day. Go get the babies out of bed. Dress them. Help them brush their teeth. 7:30 am, start breakfast. Get the kids on the table, feed them. Clean up their mess as they drop things, spill things. Pick the kids up, clean their hands and their faces. Get the dishes washed up. It's 9am. Do the laundry and vacuum up the floors while the kids are entertained with toys. 10:00-10:30 am, get lunch ready, food prep time and get some snacks on the table for little ones. 11:30am Cook lunch. Feed the kids, clean up after them, clean them, wash the dishes. 1:00pm time tog et the kids ready for a nap. Say the kids are good and nap for 2 hours. This is perfect time to sit down right? WRONG. Pre-prep dinner if it's going to be busy. Many women do this days in advance! But there's still much to do- remember the laundry? those have to get put away. Toys have to be put away (if they haven't been put away before nap), counters have to be cleaned, floors have to be mopped (nows a good time with kids out cold), organizing bills would be good, bathroom has to be scrubbed down, sinks washed, tubs cleaned, windows wiped down, doorknobs disinfected, cupboards and shelves dusted. By the time all of this is done the kids are awake and want attention. Time to break out books and read or play with some toys. Don't forget dinner has to be cooked.

By now hubby's home, mom's exhausted and kids are excited. Table gets set, food gets served. And the routine starts all over again.

That outlines a bland day in the life of a woman. We don't include the freak moments when toddlers have accidents, get sticky and need baths, demand more time, go to the park or when we have errands to run outside of the house (groceries, shopping, etc) we also don't discuss managing children when they get into fights with each other.

Do you know how much the pay rate goes to have someone do all of that work? And yet a stay at home mom does it because she loves her family, adores her children, imagines a world of appreciation and support from her husband.

We don't get a thank you. We don't get a hug. We don't get to lay down and hve our feet rubbed. We don't play play station. We don't fall asleep before the kids are in bed. We don't sleep in when we are tired. WE don't have someone who rubs our heads, give us medicine and pampers us when we are sick with a cold.

Our husbands expect us to just grit our teeth and bear it. I told my hubby if he didn't change quickly I was leaving him. I work too hard to be treated like nothing- i know my damn worth.


The dad 4 years ago

Your husband sounds like my wife:) I'm kidding, but only slightly, we both have similar incomes, with hers only slightly larger and with more prestiege, but the balance of everything from child care, to cleaning, to fixing the car, or planning the holiday falls to me. You points are useful, and likely not gender specific


monkey 4 years ago

After 22 years of marriage, I can tell you that a lazy husband will always be a lazy husband. I've tried asking, nagging, to-do lists, leaving the work undone in the hopes that he'd get the hint and help, and nothing works. If your husband is like mine, just resign yourself to the fact that you have to take care of him as if he's a child, and you will have to do everything around the house yourself. That's why women shouldn't have to work outside the home...it's not fair that we have to go to work AND take care of the house while the husbands only have to go to work and do nothing else. That's what women's lib got us.


Ryan 4 years ago

Could you please do a piece on women in the inverse situation. I work full time, do dishes, all the cleaning, laundry, get the kids ready for school. My wife has no sense of time, cleanliness, priorities...she's clueless. If it was just me and her, I would have left a while ago. It's driving me nuts and my house is SOOOOO chaotic. Not sure what to do here.


Tired 4 years ago

@Ryan- you sound like a real catch! I'm jealous of your wife!

No kids for me yet, but I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years (living together for 5). I am the breadwinner and still take care of all household chores- cooking, cleaning, laundry, dishes, paying the bills, taking care of the pets, etc etc etc. I've tried every tip on that list to get him motivated and NOTHING WORKS. On top of THAT he has the AUDACITY to tell me that he feels like he never does enough because I complain all the time. OBVIOUSLY I complain! I'm exhausted- and he does nothing but sit around and watch me work! I can sit down with a basket of clean clothes right next to him- do you think he actually helps me fold? Nope- he continues to watch TV while I fold all of it.


anonymous 4 years ago

Ryan6. Your predicament is mine as well. My wife has stopped or somewhat halted on housework. I know she can do it. She claims she never has time for anythign. Whatever! She expects me too much (at times) to keep the up on housework. I see her more of a sofaholic or bedaholic when she comes home from school or work. I can't seem to to have a our relationship get better. I wanted a moment with her last night. Instead she wanted to finish her tv show. So I gave her the cold shoulder and went to bed. My snoring seem to pay off a part of a cold plate while i slept last night.I want her to l know i still love her. I want her to understand her position to do housework instead of tv. I use to come home and see the house is not cleaned. I get mad that i do the dishes all the time. I have no electric dishwasher to wash that soapscum away. Yes. Alot of women take adavatange for the men to do everything. I happen to be a christian and i see that good christian women can do a good job of taking care of there homes and children. Men who are home with there kids can only do only a little bit to keep the kids in line and in order. My son is now cleaning more and will start cleaning his room everyday. He will do more to help me out more and my wife. How to get my wife off of tv and start doing more to not have daily chores on certain days? It is going to start. Here in the next 6 months. I am executing cable tv and more family time and husband/wife relations willl happen. Having a wife who desires not to do housework is going to cause a family relationship problem. It even effects fsmilies now. So , I still love my wife. Here in a few to 6 more moths of school and work. I can see a change. I love the fact that a woman is more cleaner than a man. It m akes me feel better when I see my wiofe pitch in and give time to clean a house. Now if i can get a collar on my son to do the same thing with his room.


coby 4 years ago

My husband (who's mother dóesn't work and did everything for him) doesn't help me with housekeeping and children, I don't care. I don't nag about it. When I was alone (divorced) I also had to do it alone and when we divorce, I still have to do it alone, no that's not true, I've got three men who love helping me with washing dishes and cleaning up -they're 5, 3 and 2 years old. I clean up for them. What I do get angry about is that when the toilet isn't working, he yells and tells me it's my fault (it's an old rotten house)and tells me to do it. Finally he does it and I have to help, which is okay if he doesn't yell that I don't do it correct. When he doesn't fix things that I can't, I ask my father of 76. He has been unemployed for 3 years and now has to work. Solution for unemployment and not doing the laundry: eat dry bread with cheese all the time and give the children good food with the little money there is and just let his laundry pile up for months, so he gets a bit mature and has to fix it himself. I'm not too lazy to do it, it's the only task he has now. If you don't treat your husband like a child, maybe he will grow up eventually. And lower your expectations a lot.


Nicole 4 years ago

I am sorry, are we talking about men or kids. This sounds like how I teach my kids to learn to be ADULTS! If you see something needs to be done do it!!! Laziness is my pet peeve!!!


Yikes 4 years ago

I just spent two hours reading all these comments and it just breaks my heart that so many women out there are forced into wifely slavery. My husband is lazy, but so am I. My husband hates to clean, but so do I. My husband works a long day, but so do I. So, why would I entertain the notion that his needs, wants, expectation, likes, and dislikes are more important than mine? I DIDN'T!

We talked about cleaning and chores before we moved in together. I told him what I hate, he told me what he hated. I told him that I fully and completely expected him to assist with any and all chores, animals, and kids in our relationship future, not because I'm a modern woman, or was a rah-rah man-hater, but because I wanted him to be my partner, my equal, my best friend, my other-half, and that those titles all required mutual respect. I told him, very plainly, that I wanted him by my side for the rest of my life, and that I wanted to build a life, a family, and a home with him, but that I would not, could not, and should not, be expected to tolerate any disrespect from someone who claimed to be my partner in life, and that he shouldn't be expected to either.

I told him I realized my worth and wasn't willing to waste my one and only lifetime being overworked, unhappy, stressed out and tired.

He agreed.

Our house is not always super tidy, I quite often step on Lego, find dirty socks under the couch, or A few dirty plates in the sink, but that's ok. We have a special needs son together, a dog and a cat and while we have some mild chaos in the house, it's pleasantly chaotic and my husband and I can giggle together about it, and spend one day a month really cleaning the house like crazy together.

All you other women with these boorish, self-centered, disrespectful assholes of husbands make me want to gather you up and bring you to my warm topsy-turvy kitchen and give you a hug. Your husbands treat you in a way that any employer could be sued for treating you as. If a friend treated you that way, they'd no longer be your friend. If a family member treated you that way, they'd be estranged. If a stranger treated you that way, you'd tell them where to go and how to get there. But the man who is supposed to SHARE your life with you, share your hopes, be your companion, friend and lover, treats you like this and gets away with it?!?

I understand that everyone's situation is different, and that leaving isn't always an option, and trying to reason with him, isn't always an option, and hiring help isn't always an option, and letting everything go in the house isn't always an option, but maybe try cutting back a little bit? So you do some laundry, dishes and cooking each day, but don't do as much. So maybe there's an unmade bed, or toys on the floor, big deal, I guarantee every living creature in that house would be happier and more content if the tension, stress and misery levels in the house went down.

Just stop. You can't do everything forever. Let a little chaos into your life, as long as the rest of it is pleasant, then life should be a bit easier. And if your husband complains, explain to him that you just didn't have enough hours in a day to do everything and that everyone is much happier now. If he doesn't agree, then tough titty baby, let him do the extras on his own.


work work work 4 years ago

Ok I work 14-16 hrs a day I come home and the wife wants me to do my share ok she is a stay at home mom and can't keep the house clean WTF she says I'm tired ok and you think 16 hr day doing physical labor I'm not tired at all I wld love to see her do that then come home and do house work (WOULD NOT HAPPEN) if your man works and your at home do your job or get out sounds like a lot of women just want something to bitch about. And then you sniffle about us wanting sex then you can't figure out why you husband is boning the girl next door use the brain God gave you.


MizBejabbers profile image

MizBejabbers 4 years ago from Arkansas

I have to say that my husband is the total Brickhead. Hey, workworkwork, that works in reverse, too. I work and the Brickhead stays home. Now I'm having to pay to have the lawn done because "it hurts his knees" to run a self-propelled mower. Once I even made a formal introduction to a broom: "Brickhead, this is a broom, Broom, this is Brickhead." Fat lot of good that did. Men don't have a monopoly on lazy stay-at-home spouses!


michaelheemson 4 years ago

hello gaza it took me ages to find it here is there contact

filling address ,check out there great prices ,tell them michael hiltams told you to ring


Lucy 4 years ago

Who the F%$k wrote this Sh%t, why should we freaking praise men for having common sense. I'm so sick and tired of these stupid books that talk about only give them one task, praise them when they do it, don't critizie. Shut the F%$k up with that nonsense. I agree with one of the comments, mothers show your boys how to help you around the house and stop catering to them hand and foot. Men just need to get off their lazy asses and stop pretending they can only handle one task at a time and half assed at that. If they did that shit at work, they'd get fired.


lizzy p 4 years ago

How I loose my body weight through spell. I woke up one morning to find out that my body system has changed in its functioning and after a week my body weight begin to increase rapidly until it get to about a weight of 120-180 kg. It was a helpless situation for me because I’ve been to so many places without a right diagnosis of what is really happening. My days of mystery came to an end after I meant with DR. OMO. He gave a precise diagnosis to the excess weight and told me to send my pictures which I did. And then he bought some items which he uses to cast the spell.

Surprisingly, after a week my body weight return to normally and it was unbelievable. I’m forever grateful to Dr. OMO for his services rendered and helping me regain my normal life. If you need his helping hands contact him on his Email drsambolspelltemple@gmail.com


Coach-Chris profile image

Coach-Chris 3 years ago

In my experience you can't make anyone do anything they don't want to do, it is as simple as that. The only answer is to get them inspired. And inspiration will be different for each of us.


THANKS DOCTOR MUKULUPAKURUMO 3 years ago

I wanted to thank you for helping me get my girlfriend Roxanne back. She broke up with me last month and I have been miserable ever since the day she left me. I ordered your Return My Ex-Girlfriend Love Spell and within a couple of 2days we were back together! I have to say I am very pleased how fast and effective your spells are. I am also going to order a Money Spell to help with some finances. I would like to propose to Roxie and I want to give her the ring she deserves, Dr.mukulu is like a Father to me any thing he say come true that is why you have to do any thing he ask you to do to make every thing work fine his email mukulutemple@yahoo.com is here on internet to contact him now for your problem to be solve.


vera 3 years ago

Dear Dr Stone, I wanted to thank you (yet again) for bringing Emily back to me. We had known each other for what seemed a lifetime and dated on and off during that lifetime. A couple years ago some rich beau moved to town and swept her away from me. They got married after 2 months of dating and moved away, I had no idea where she was or how to get a hold of her! I requested that the split them up and reunite us love spell be cast for me. A week later, out of nowhere, Emily showed up on my doorstep. Said she had been miserable in her short marriage, the guy was great but not for her. I helped her file for divorce and we got married at a justice of the peace two days after her divorce was final. We have been happy every since. You have done more for me that I could possibly ever repay you for.shamuspiritualtemple@gmail.com


bella 3 years ago

just put him over your knee it works


gloria 3 years ago

My name is Janet . I found a great spell caster online who helped me to get back my husband who has left me for pass 3 years. we where married for 8years without a child and my friend introduce me to a real spell caster which i never believe it exist but after the meeting of this spell caster my problem where solved and now i am with my husband who left me for pass three years my life and my entire family are now happy now i have three kids with the help of this great spell caster. Thanks Dr. cashia of almightycahaspelltemple@gmail.comif you need any spell, you can email him will be in the best position to help you. I wish you good luck and success;email. almightycahaspelltemple@gmail.com


anabella 3 years ago

my name is Anabella from USA, i want to thank the great ODUDUWA for what he did for me he brought happiness back into my life. My boyfriend left me and told me is over i was devastated as i loved him so much i decided to contact a spellcaster and i met a friend who told me of a great doctor and i decided to contact him and he told me in three days my boyfriend will call me and beg me to acept him i thought he was joking in three days everything happened as he said i am so happy now.

You can also contact him at kpotikispelltemple@gmail.com for all your problems or call his mobile number +2347056298538


mercy 2 years ago

i am Mrs mercy i am hear to give testimony of how i got back my husband, we got married for more than 2 years and have gotten two kids. thing were going well with us and we are always happy. until one day my husband started to behave in a way i could not understand, i was very confused by the way he treat me and the kids. later that month he did not come again and he called me that he want a divorce, I asked him what have i done wrong to deserve this from him, all he was saying that he want a divorce and that he hates me and do not want to see me again in his life, i was mad and also frustrated do not know what to do,i was sick for more than 2 weeks because of the divorce. i love him so much he was everything to me without him my life is incomplete. i told my sister and she told me to contact a spell caster, i never believe in all this spell casting of a thing. i just

want to try if something will come out of it. I contacted DR. omoba for the return of my husband to me, they told me that my husband have been taken by another woman that she cast a spell on him that is why he hates me and also want us to divorce. then they told me that they have to cast a spell on him that will make him return to me and the kids, they cast the spell and after 3 days my husband called me

and he told me that i should forgive him, he settled to apologize on phone and said that he still love me that he did not know what happen to him that he left me. it was the spell that the Dr omoba shrine casted on him that made him comeback to me today,me and my family are now happy again today. thank you DR. omoba for what you have done for me i would have been nothing today if not for your great spell. i want

you my friends who are passing through this kind of love problem of getting back their husband, wife , or ex boyfriend and girlfriend to contact dromobaspellhome@gmail.com and you will see that your problem will be solved.


Kathy 2 years ago

I feel sorry for women that say things like, "That's why I'm not married....."That's why....." Really!? So......divorced women......did they beg to stay!!! I doubt it! It takes two!!!!


Mimi 2 years ago

Why do men get the special treatment. I don't get it. I am past all the BS. He sees me breaking my back to keep the house, cook, do yard work, and take care of the pool and our dog. Why do I have to treat him special to get help. BS with all of this wired different. What are women called when they sit on their ass and do nothing. It isn't the format that we are expected to use to get men to help. But...when I want to cook on special occasion for my son and family his response is quote, That is just to much for you to do. I am about to blow my lid. I am 71 and just worn out. When I look at him just sitting I want to run away and never return. If I were 20 years younger I would be gone.


MARY 2 years ago

I had been sick for years now, I lost all of my possession due to this

illness, every member of my family became tired of me because to them

i was now a liability, i bless the day i got introduced to this fellow

at The Great prophet Elisht, when he requested for 350 dollars to buy

the items for the spell to cure me of my illness i felt he was a scam

then i told the person who introduced me to him and she said to me

that she paid 500 dollars to save her marriage so i was convinced to

pay the money and i did two days after , he cast the spell i was cured

of all of the diseases that i was attacked with. And also he said to

me that my husband that had ran away will be disturbed to come back

home to be with me and exactly what really took place...This man The

great prophet Elisha is just so good at his spell work. Contact him

today via EMAIL.prophetelisha1@live.com


Whatever 2 years ago

The article was good. The issue I have is that, from my experience, stay at home moms typically sit on their asses all day and then rip out the housework a couple hours before their working spouse gets home. Then lie and say how it took them all day and complain when you don't want to come home and cleanup the house after working outside the home all day. I watched my mother do it with my dad when I was growing up as well. My current girlfriend works maybe 8 to 10 hours a week, all of our kids are in school during the day. I work 40 plus hours a week and come home to find the house trashed and her lounging around. When I say anything at all about it, she says she doesn't have enough time and just can't keep up with it and I should help. Which I do, mainly because it bugs the crap out of me. But the fact of the matter is, she has plenty of time, she only needs to take a little time each day...most of the time, she just lets it go for several days and then it takes an entire day of everyone pitching in to straighten it out. A few days later...completely trashed again. She is the one with the most time on her hands and does very little, while expecting me, who has less time to do more. Not fair at all.


Kate 2 years ago

I have been rejected by my husband after three(3) of marriage just because another woman had a spell on him and he left me and the kid to suffer. one day when i was reading through the web, i saw a post on how this spell caster on this address spirituallove@hotmail. com have help a woman to get back her husband. and i gave him a reply to his address and he told me that a woman had a spell on my husband and he told me that he will help me and after 2days that i will have my husband back. i believed him and today i am glad to let you all know that this spell caster have the power to bring lovers back. because i am now happy with my husband.his email : spirituallove@hotmail. com


julie 2 years ago

Thanks to this great man of spirit called Dr Samura which I don't know how to thank him for the good work he has Don for me and family which I want to share my testimony with to you all so I was married to Hassan Moel and my name is Julie deshields for six years now he left me with two kids with know reason which I don't know what to do.so one day i was in my friends place when I exposed my pain to her about my depression which I have be looking for who to help me out of it then my friend called me closer to her self telling me on how she got this great man of spirit who helped her found her way to get her husband back then I ask of his contact she quickly go and get her computer and gave me his Email ID and his number so,that is how I contacted him for a help. And now am so happy with my family and with a happy home if you are in such pain kindly Via Email SAMURATELLERSPELL100@YAHOO.COM or call +2348103508204 have faith in him and he will help you

Julie Deshields.


Aya 13 months ago

Wot a ctock of bullshit! No 1 cares if im sick, dore, tired, unhappy, enemployed .........

Y shud we treat men like crippled dogs who cant learn new tricks n then spread em when he does have time, energy, motivation.

I left everything and lost everything cos he ran away from life to his country with promises of a new life together blah blah.

In my country i helped 7 days at his shop even wen he chose to stay at home and party with friends. He lost clients even tho they came from far cos he was the best.

the more i did the less he did.

We ended up losing everything and slept in his shop and then in my car.

But he contolled the money from his pocket so much that i had to cry for pads even after i got my period. He wudnt even by toilet paper so i took from public toilets.

He left me on the street with my car and went to his county.

I sold my car to get a ticket and planned to study TEFL to secure a job as VERY little english is spoken in hs country.

He decided we go travelling his country and ended up with 2000 for the remainder 2 months of my visa.

I said enough is enough, took my car money and literally hide it from him.

We still havent applied for my pr so i can work and stay without visa.

All he does is sleep, go out with his friends and eats at his mothers house cos i refuse to buy food anymore.

I plan to buy stock i can sell in my country with the 1000 i have left and a cab from the airport to who knows where cos i dont have a car to sleep in anymore.

I trusted him and this is wo i get in return.

Im still hoping he will be motivated if i have a job here but without pr im stuck but i have 2 interviews i managed to get in 1 day of searching.

Studying is free in his country and he has so many opportunities.

Iv tried being compassionate, loving, motivating, angry, scolding, no sex, ....... nothing works.

I dont know wot to do to motivate him anymore. This is not the man i married.

i know his jealous brother and people he thought were his friends started his depression cos they used him for money and he lost a lot but hey now u know who to keep in ur life, get over it and keep building ur life with ur wife who told all those snakes to fk off and who stood by ur side thru everything.

Wen we got married he wanted to have children so desperately but after 1.8yrs of marriage i stil, havent fallen pregnant which i guessmis from the tress or just bad timing cos we seem to b apart most of the time wenim fertile.

Wtf am i supposed to do.

I love him and know who he was and still can be but this 1000 is all i have left and to use it to retun to my country to continue with our business i can change it to 10000 and go further from there but i'll b on the street away from my husband.

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