How Do I LOVE Thee "Food For Thought Before You Say "I DO" ~ Lesson Four & Five ~


How Do I Love Thee

Food For Thought BEFORE You Say “I DO”



Getting married is a big decision! It is actually one of the biggest life altering decision you will ever make! Why not take some time and consider a few things?


In this 21st century we have experienced a worldwide economic recession. Many have been greatly impacted all over the world. Many corporations and businesses have closed. Many careers, jobs, estates and homes have been lost! Many have divorced, many families have suffered many have remarried, many children are hurting… It is important to seriously think of marriage as a lifetime commitment! Your marriage will be what you make it!


Finances are an important part of your marriage! When considering marriage it is also important to take into consideration the spending habits of both spouses. In order to build a strong marriage it is important to be on the same page as far as finances.


When or once there are children there are additional ensuing financial obligations to consider? Who provides the children's daycare? How much do you budget for daycare and...


It is wise to take into consideration what happens if there is a significant loss in income that imposes an unexpected hardship?


As a couple you must together be willing to adjust and do what is best for your household. In either case it is wise to be prepared in case of a sudden loss of income, death in the family, chronic illness of either spouse or… The traditional marriage vows say for better or worse… You must learn to give up “Me” ness for “We” ness!


Here in “How DO I Love THEE” you will find some basic suggestions. Here are lessons four & five! Always keep in mind each couple and situation is different… You may have more or less! You may be younger or older! You may have been married before? The basic principles of marriage remain the same! What is most valuable is your marriage! When you make or made your vows you are committing your lives to one another as well as the Lord.


There is usually a lot of planning that goes into having a beautiful ceremony! A wedding is a marvelous, wonderful, enjoyable, celebration regardless if there are a few or many in attendance! It is a lifelong memory that should be treasured and cherished! However, the time effort and energy that goes into planning this glorious occasion is often far greater than that of actually planning for the marriage itself!


Please, Please set some time aside so you can together make plans for your life together. Think about your plenteous possibilities and goals you want to now achieve together!


After the honeymoon and the newness of being Mr. & Mrs. has passed reality will sink in; so what now? How do you handle your finances! How about alternating the responsiblitlites? Where do you worship? Do you have home Bible study & worship? There is much ahead in this journey to consider.


Marriage can continue to be a marvelous experience but it won’t just happen! It must be a priority to continue to grow together and make plans for your future together when or now that you are married…



~ LESSON FOUR ~

FINANCES

The financial aspect of the marital relationship is very important. We often hear that money is the root of all evil. Actually the Scripture says: “The love of money is the root of all evil.” I Timothy 6 (KJV). We must be good stewards of whatever God puts in our possession. We must learn to become financially accountable and responsible. We must learn to live within our financial ability.


I would like to recommend to the working couple considering having children that the wife’s salary goes to the reserve emergency fund. Children have an unexpected way of deciding to arrive prematurely. When the budget incorporates the wife’s salary the unexpected arrival of a newborn can cause a tremendous amount of stress if the household cannot survive on the salary of the husband alone. Perhaps the wife can supplement the lost income by establishing a home based business? The couple could barter for various services to cut down on expenses.



Today we live in a material oriented society. We must consult the Lord for direction. He has promised to supply all of our needs according to His riches. We must learn to responsibly become prudent in our financial dealings. It is my recommendation that the couple establish a budget. The budget should include the following:

Tithes or contributions to the furtherance of the Lord’s Kingdom

Housing

Residence insurance

Food

Outstanding debt

Utilities

Insurance (life, health, auto etc.)

Entertainment, recreation

Clothing Allowance

Dry-cleaning

Savings

Miscellaneous

The couple should begin by monitoring their current spending habits for approximately (30) thirty days to attain an accurate accounting of their current spending patterns.Housing should be approximately 30% of the income, food approximately 15% etc. If you have established a pattern of living on credit make it a goal towards diminishing your over all liabilities.

When preparing your budget keep it realistic. The pressures of debt can tremendously impact the stability of your impending marriage. Many marriages buckle under excessive financial pressures. When you commence to monitor your spending habits see if you buy on impulse? Do you plan for your purchases? Do you need what you really purchased on credit? Have you considered layaway? Don’t allow your possessions possess you. God has promised to “supply all of our needs according to His riches in glory through Christ Jesus!” Philippians 4: 19. We must learn to TRUST GOD.

When a couple adheres to their budget they are implementing good stewardship. This discipline will subsequently transfer to other areas of the relationship. Take a personal inventory of your current liabilities. What are your current mortgage, rent automobile loans, student loans, clothing, etc?

How will they impede on your relationship financially? Be honest with yourself. Are you financially ready for marriage? Remember excessive debt is often a crucial factor that greatly impacts a relationship. Make a conscious effort to break any financial misconduct patterns that have been established. Always work together for the good of the marriage. Remember to prepare for unexpected emergencies. I encourage minimal use of credit cards.



~ LESSON FIVE ~

WHERE DO WE WORSHIP?

Many couples never discuss the area of where do we worship before the ceremony. This subject must be approached. Often times it is an assumption that the wife automatically joins the husband’s church. This is quite all right if the couple is in agreement. But what if the wife is not comfortable with the husband’s church? Or the reverse is true? The important question to ask is where can the couple benefit spiritually? Where can they as a couple spiritually grow together and work together?


In Effective Biblical Counseling written by Larry Crabb Jr., he states; “The local church should and can assume responsibility for restoring distressed people suffering from personal ineffectiveness, to full productive, joyful lives.


In order to do so it must develop its unique resources for counseling.” ( 1977, pg.190) I agree with Crabb’s perspective; the church should definitely be a sound resource that encourages the development of spiritual maturity.

The spiritual, biblical foundational strength of the church should be a determining factor. Does the church implement what it teaches? Does the Pastor adhere to what he or she teaches? Is it God – centered? Is the Word of God taught? Is He or she objective? "Together" the couple should pray and seek God’s direction and patiently await the prompting of the Holy Spirit.


Where we receive our spiritual food is important, as well as our home personal, Bible study. A family that prays together does stay together when they follow God’s leadership. Couples often decide to attend separate churches. It is my recommendation that much prayer, thought and discussion is given to the matter. My recommendation is that they possibly strive to find a church that meets their needs as a couple. God’s direction is crucial in determining “where do we worship!”


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Comments 24 comments

Sky321 profile image

Sky321 6 years ago from Canada

Great hub! Excellent advice for anyone who is thinking of marriage.


bayoulady profile image

bayoulady 6 years ago from Northern Louisiana,USA

Great Counseling. I especially liked that tithes was the first payment on the budget list.


RevLady profile image

RevLady 6 years ago from Lantana, Florida

Great practical advice for those contemplating marriage.

Forever His,


stars439 profile image

stars439 6 years ago from Louisiana, The Magnolia and Pelican State.

A wonderful read. You are so right how financial difficulties can be rough on a marriage. The photography, the beautiful church . and the lovely pictures are very nice. God Bless You my dear sweet heart of hearts.


Vladimir Uhri profile image

Vladimir Uhri 6 years ago from HubPages, FB

I love your writing. I am glad the kingdom of God does not have recession, are you?


fred allen profile image

fred allen 6 years ago from Myrtle Beach SC

Finances have been the reason for a multitude of divorces. Many couples fight over financial problems. This is truly an area of concern that needs to be addressed openly and honestly before entering into a lifelong commitment. I like that you have given it the emphasis it deserves. Great hub!


Kristeen profile image

Kristeen 6 years ago from Michigan

This is wonderful advice for young couples starting out. Unfortuneatly many young couples enter into marriage these days lightly without considering all the implications and the situations that may arise. It is a sacrament institued by God and when God is at the center of a marriage it will be blessed.

Thanks for sharing DeBorrah. wonderful and thought provoking hub. Blessings!


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 6 years ago Author

Skye, Thank you for stopping by to share! In His Love, Peace & Blessings!


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 6 years ago Author

Bayoulady, Thank you for stopping by to share your comments are appreciated. God Loves a cheerful giver..." II Corinthians 9. In His Love, Joy, Peace & Blessings!


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 6 years ago Author

Revlady Thank you s always for stopping by to share! I have much appreciation and respect for your wonderful ministry for the Lord that reaches far beyond the walls... Let us continue to pray for those contemplating marriage as well as those who are married!

In His Love, Joy, Peace & Blessings!


coffeesnob 6 years ago

DeBorrah

Wise words written here. You are a blessing! So many couples don't think about these things and so many of them are important. Things such as where they wull worship is just as vital - actually even more vital - than how they will spend their money. VG hub

CS


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 6 years ago Author

Stars, Glad you enjoyed this... Thank you for sharing your comments they will also be helpful to those considering marriage... In His Love, Joy, Peace & Blessings!


habee profile image

habee 6 years ago from Georgia

I'm glad you discussed money. That's a huge source of arguments for many couples!

Rated you up, girlfriend!


no body profile image

no body 6 years ago from Rochester, New York

The process I've heard of is called "leaving, weaving, and cleaving" A woman will leave her home and family and weave her life into that of her husband and they two will be one flesh. A kind of new entity that though they keep their own identity and desires they work for the betterment of their mate. So many things are effected by the oneness that if either of the spouses resist the leaving or weaving or cleaving the marriage suffers and so does the ministry that God expects from each of His children. Great hub my sister. It ministered to me. Thank you.


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 6 years ago Author

Vladimir, Thank you! Excellent!! Your insight is deep and wonderful! You are “POINT ON” there is no recession within the KINGDOM of GOD!”

We must Trust God! He “will supply all our NEEDS according to HIS riches in CHRIST JESUS!” PRAISE GOD!!! "Thy KINGDOM come, thy WILL be done, on earth as it is in Heaven..." Thank you as always for stopping by to share words of encouragement! In HIS love, Joy, Peace & Blessings!


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 6 years ago Author

Fred Allen, You are quite right! This is why I encourage those seeking to marry to take some time and plan their future together and discuss the finances.

If you are already married you can not undo what has been done. But you can go forward working together… Things should never be more important than your marriage… Let’s encourage “Building Better “MARRIAGES GOD’S WAY!” Thank you for sharing your insight! In HIS love, Joy, Peace & Blessings!


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 6 years ago Author

Kristeen, Thank you for stopping by to share. I know that you know how important it is for couples young and older to think before leaping into marriage. You see everyday many young women in interesting situations… You are so right! I realize that many will not or do not want to take the time to consider some things… I pray that if one or only a few are helped it is well worth it.

Marriage is sacred! I realize that we live in a world that does not embrace God’s Way for Marriage! It is important that we let them know that He is the original Designer and His principles for marriage have not changed! Yes! With God as “the center” your marriage will be Blessed!

Thank you for sharing your insight, In HIS Love, Joy, Peace & Blessings!


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 6 years ago Author

Coffesnob,

Thank YOU! Let us continue to encourage “MARRIAGES GOD’S WAY!”

I placed giving and contributions to the Lord at the top of the list! There is much debate within the Church body on giving…. Contributions go far beyond the monetary… God knows your heart when you can, what you can or cannot give monetarily... Giving your time is valuable and necessary in ministry… God wants your life! All God’s promises are true! He will in His time provide the necessary finances!

Where you worship is important! Your first place of worship should be your home… You can gather together with others to worship in a place dedicated for worship large or small and fellowship as well! Just make sure He is the main focus….

It is vey important that the uncompromised WORD of GOD is being proclaimed wherever you decide to worship!

Thank you for sharing, In HIS Love, Joy, Peace & Blessings!


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 6 years ago Author

Habee, Thank You! It is really important to try and be on the same page or at least come to a general understanding about the finances... This would help avoid a lot of arguments about the money! Many marriages have broken up over finances....

Always nice of you to stop by and share your insight!

Thank You! In HIS Love, Joy Peace & Blessings!


A M Werner profile image

A M Werner 6 years ago from West Allis

DeBorrah, there is so much in here but I got to go back up to the top when you said, "The traditional marriage vows say for better or worse… You must learn to give up “Me” ness for “We” ness!"

My wife and I got hit early by the whole financial meltdown and with our three daughters were nearly a week away from being homeless. Thanks to being out of work for an extended period of time, our credit rating was shot and finding an apartment on the little salary I managed to find didn't impress anyone. We were being denied left and right, and my wife had thrown in the towel on house hunting. She thought we would be sleeping in the car.

I went to the park where we got married and did a lot of praying. I then drove across the street to the apartments there and went inside the first one with a "For Rent" sign on it. The manager of the apartment was an Indian (as in India) and I sat down with him in his apartment. We talked for a long time. I told him everything my wife and I had been through and was upfrount and honest about our situation. It turned out he had been through two marriages, and had found himself in a similar situation once before. He knew what it was like. He then reached out his hand and shook mine and asked when we could move in. He felt he could trust me to be a good tenant and pay the bills, so we did the paperwork after we had moved in. He didn't even go to the owner for permission, he vouched for us himself. We lived there for three years and got back on our feet, and Kenwar and I became good friends, and his son almost like our own son, eighteen and calling us Mom and Dad.

Anyway, my wife and I learned a lot about our relationship and marriage during that time. We realized we were in it together, for good or bad, richer or poorer. No matter how much people say they love each other to those extremes, it is never the same as actually living it and experiencing it. Peace.


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 6 years ago Author

Nobody, “Leaving, weaving and cleaving are good…. It is really important that the couple share core values.. This it what it means when the spouses are equally yoked…” This is what enhances the “spiritual oneness” when both spouses are on the same page where God is concerned.

You are right about the marriage suffering when they don’t work together… God is the Author and Designer of marriage! What is so wonderful He knows right where each of you are… He can take our marriages to higher heights and deeper depths as we seek His will and way! It is important for each spouse to build their own personal relationship with the Lord…. This also keeps Him in the center… He is always willing and able to help us grow which really helps us build better satisfying and rewarding marriages…. We honor God as we honor our marriages! God is Awesome!

So glad that you have been inspired. Thank you for sharing your insight! In His Love, Joy, Peace & Blessings!


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 6 years ago Author

A M Werner, Yes! Marriage is supposed to be about “We”ness…! Thank you for sharing this personal experience! Your comments are most helpful and bring further enhancements that will help those considering marriage or who are already married! Commitment is KEY!

It is important to keep in mind that you are not in your marriage alone. You have the ability to change and improve it. At the same time you both grow spiritually and intimacy builds… When the LORD is the center focus you access HIS power! He is able to open hearts, minds and doors that no one else can… Your testimony is beautiful!

Marriage is like a continuous blossoming flower…

Saying “I DO” goes far beyond the words! Marriage is and can really be an amazing experience when you truly value your vows. Again your marriage will be what you make it!

Thank you as always for sharing your insight and love for the Lord! In His Love, Joy Peace & Blessings to you and yours!


Lady_E profile image

Lady_E 6 years ago from London, UK

Very important points raised here. Finances/place of worship/goals.

I've heard couples talk about joint bank accounts - having one, not having one. In some places in Africa, what Men do now is when they buy a house, they ensure its bought in the name of their wife - because if he dies, the family come round and kick the wife out and claim the property, even if its in a Will. It happens a lot. Some do it physically, some go behind and deal with it Supernaturally and the poor lady dies of "unknown causes".

Just thought I'd bring it to your attention.

Great Hub.


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 6 years ago Author

Lady E, It is important and recommended that these subjects be discussed before as well as during marriage.

Thank you for sharing this. It is quite sad to see what lengths some will go to in order to take from others what does not rightfully belong to them… I think this will help others regardless of the culture or where they live to think about ways to better protect their love ones…

Having a fervent prayer life is very important there is much spiritual warfare about us… One can lean and depend on the Lord! "Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart, and lean not to your own understading in ALL your ways acknowledge Him and HE WILL direct your path..." There is no power stronger than God!!!

It is my prayer that these lessons continue to be helpful and provokes thought! In His, Love, Joy, Peace & Blessings!

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