How Do I Love Thee "Food For Thought Before You Say "I DO" ~ Lesson Two & Three ~

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How Do I Love Thee

Food For Thought BEFORE You Say “I DO”

~ Lesson Two ~

Are We Ready Fir Mrriage?

http://hubpages.com/hub/ARE-WE-READY-FOR-MARRIAGE

~ Lesson Three ~

HOW COMPATIBLE ARE WE?

Compatibility means being capable of existing together in harmony. It means to be free of adverse or unwanted effects when present together. Compatible plants are able to fertilize freely. In the marriage relationship harmony is a key ingredient. We must have a common ground of existence. The marriage union is communion with God and one another. Look around you, despite the plethora of material comforts and gadgets available there are many unloved, unfulfilled, unhappy people.


When pondering marriage consider how compatible you are with the potential spouse. If we perceive life to be a pursuit for happiness we invite frustration. Instead we should see it as an opportunity to pursue our God given purpose. Marriage will provide a lifetime companion to pursue God’s purpose with, one to enjoy the fruits of your labor. But, we must be certain that the one we are considering is willing to remain through the “thick and thin” or should I say for better or worse.

Marriage is something that must be cherished and nourished. Some people take better care of their pets and possessions than their marriages. We must have our priorities right. Remember to keep the embers burning. Embrace the courtship and continuously reflect and ignite the flames of love. Not the surface infatuated love. The deep unending love that God has prepared for the undefiled marriage bed.


Mature Christians should realize we are stewards of whatever God puts in our possession. We are held accountable for whatever he puts in our possession. The exuberant attention gradually dissipates. But do not allow the relationship to become like a pair of old comfortable slippers.

Take a good look at your fiancée! Is this just a surface attraction? What happens when the evening of life begins to bloom and the wrinkles are quite apparent? Will the attraction still be there? Do you enjoy the same things? What really irritates you now?


Who will do the dishes? Who takes out the trash? Who cleans the toilet? Where do we squeeze the toothpaste? Who walks the dog? Who cleans the bathroom? Who sleeps on what side? Who takes care of the finances?

Although petty in thought these issues can become the catalyst to enormous battles. We must; learn to agree that compatibility is a desired atmosphere. We must strive to resolve any conflict that hinders the development of a healthy relationship!


We tend to subjectively view life from our own experiences. This can cause conflicts misunderstandings and disagreements to surface. We must take time to carefully listen to each other. We must be committed to developing good communication skills.


We must learn to be accepting and forgiving of one another’s shortcomings. Everyone has shortcomings. But we must never reinforce wrong behavior in one another, nor should we attempt to justify our own wrong behavior.


We must practice sincere humility towards one another. We must become passionately sensitive to the point we can relinquish a wrong point of view. We must commit to seeking godly counsel when resolving relational conflict. We must acknowledge that God’s way is the right way.


God will never lead us to do anything that destroys a relationship that He has truly ordained. Take a good look at the person you want to marry. Can you truly put him/her first in your life? Can you honestly forsake all others?


Are the two of you ready to allow God’s Word to direct your marital path? Remember marriage is a commitment to God as well as to your partner!


When we fail to readily follow His leadership we display a lack of TRUST and FAITH in HIM! If you are not discouraged at this point and you sincerely want to make a commitment you are probably ready to move towards creating a harmonious marital relationship!

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Comments 20 comments

Vladimir Uhri profile image

Vladimir Uhri 6 years ago from HubPages, FB

Thank you sis for valuable hub.


RevLady profile image

RevLady 6 years ago from Lantana, Florida

Because so many, even Christians, enter into marriage without exploring the ingredients that constitute marital life, the information in this hub is not only timely, but very much needed.

"Remember marriage is a commitment to God as well as to your partner!" AMEN! The marriage covenant is not conditional and involves a commitment to each other but also, and more importantly, a commitment to God. It requires a daily trusting in God and in His vision for the marriage as recorded in His Holy Word.

A great hub DeBorrah that hits on the essential considerations prior to marriage. It makes little sense to plan for the wedding and yet fail to plan for MARITAL LIFE.

Thank you for enlightening us on the value of pre-marital planning.

May our Lord continue to use you in helping others understand the sacredness and seriousness of marriage and how to best ensure its endurance.

Forever His,


Brenda Durham 6 years ago

Wonderful hub full of wisdom!

Thanks DeBorrah.


no body profile image

no body 6 years ago from Rochester, New York

Between my first marriage and my second, I courted one woman. Courting is a little used concept any more but there was a time that courting was the norm and not the exception. Courting is different than dating which is basically going to have a good time and seeing if they can have a good time together. Courting is different. Courting is evaluating whether the path in serving God is dovetailing with each other. A sign that the woman is being called alongside the husband to walk together on that path. The fine young lady that I courted for a time was not called to walk alongside me as I followed the Lord. She loved me and I loved her but we knew that God was not calling us to the ministry of marriage and His service together. The world today has completely taken God out of the picture of marriage let alone the ministry together. It has become secular and Godless. My wife now does not share the ministry with me currently, but knows she is called to my side as we walk with the Lord.


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 6 years ago Author

Vladimir Uhri, You are welcome! Thank you for stopping by to share, In His Love, Joy, Peace & Blessings!


djbraman profile image

djbraman 6 years ago

A mate is a gift from God, and we should be thankful for what God gives us and treat it accordingly, great hub!


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 6 years ago Author

Rev Lady, Thank YOU! Marriage really should not be entered into lightly… I pray that couples really begin to think about the commitment they are making.

There are so many marriages ending in divorce that it is quite alarming! It is becoming an abnormal norm. … I think it is really important that we bring to the forefront the importance of including God's priniciples in your premarital plans as well as the marriage... Not just waiting until things have become unmanageable… It is important to keep your marriage a priority!

As you wonderfully stated: “It makes little sense to plan for the wedding and yet fail to plan for MARITAL LIFE.” It is important to continue Celebrating your marriage…

Thank you as always for sharing your marvelous insight! In HIS Love,Joy, Happiness, Peace & Blessings!


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 6 years ago Author

Brenda Durham, You are so welcome! Thank you for stopping by to share... In HIS Love, Peace & Blessings!


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 6 years ago Author

Nobody, Thank you for sharing from another perspective. Your insight will minister to those who have been married before… The concept of courting is really great…. It is also important to be careful not to put yourself in a compromising position… Spiritual Discipline requires strength!

What has been done cannot be undone: but one can go forward embracing God’s principles that will help in making wiser decisions. No matter where we are there is always room for improvement... This is why we ALL need Jesus Christ as our personal Savior!

As we humble ourselves; His Holy Spirit is readily available to HELP US!

God really does KNOW who and what is best for us! Thank you Bob, for sharing I pray that others are blessed and encouraged that when they seek the Lord first He will in HIS time work it out! In HIS Love, Peace & Blessings!


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 6 years ago Author

Dj Braman! Powerful and so true! Amen! & Amen!! God is Awesome! As we honor our mate and vows we honor the Lord! Thank you for sharing, In HIS Love, Peace, Joy & Blessings!


A M Werner profile image

A M Werner 6 years ago from West Allis

What you presented here is all too real DeBorrah. You said, "Some people take better care of their pets and possessions than their marriages. We must have our priorities right." I've seen and been around far too many married men who spend more time with their cars, their jobs, and even their friends, then with their wives. They almost loathe the idea of going home to their spouses. Personally, my wife is my best friend, and there is no one in the world I would rather be with, talk with, and do things with. Even if people try to set priorities early in a relationship, they must remember that they will change. The thread of love, devotion and faith has to weave its way through all the domestic adaptations that will come over time. The issues will change, but the desire to confront them, and beat them together cannot. Peace.


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 6 years ago Author

A M Werner, Wow! SO glad that you see where I am coming from! It is amazing the things that take more priority than the actual marriage. Why not take some of that time and build a better marriage? Building a marriage with transparency an intimacy is not easy… But it is well worth it. Redemptive confrontation is a part of a great strong marriage! There is a real freedom that comes along with it. You care enough to deal with any issues... Trust is a component of a good marriage!

We are on the same page here! My spouse is my best friend as well! Most people don’t get this... It is easier to get along with someone who doesn’t totally know you! A spouse sees the many facets to your personality! It actually helps you to be a better friend to your friends because you practice trust, care, understanding and compassion on a day to day basis…. You also have healthier boundaries!

“The thread of love, devotion and faith has to weave its way through all the domestic adaptations that will come over time. The issues will change,” Amen! You must continue to make your marriage a priority!

Thank you as always for sharing and adding further relational enhancements here! This will really help to encourage those seeking to marry as well as those who are already married! In His Love, Joy, Peace & Blessings!


A M Werner profile image

A M Werner 6 years ago from West Allis

DeBorrah, after reading your wonderful comment, I just wanted to add that you hit it right on the head when you said, "It is easier to get along with someone who doesn't totally know you! A spouse sees the many facets to your personality! It actually helps you to be a better friend to your friends."

Being married in a totally committed marriage forces you to mature. You have to acknowledge your own shortcomings. But still, in acknowleding them, a devoted mate will be right there encouraging you to conquer them, to improve upon them - not denounce you for them. Sadly, I think many people believe that their own facets, as well as their partners facets, are set in stone. The foundation then is selfish. Peace.


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 6 years ago Author

A M Werner, Thank you for confirming this! I am thankful that the Lord has used you to further comment on this! Marriage really does help us to “mature” emotionally…

As you well stated: “You have to acknowledge your own shortcomings. But still, in acknowledging them, a devoted mate will be right there encouraging you to conquer them, to improve upon them - not denounce you for them.” Yes! Marriage helps us to learn how to grow, improve and better express who we are…

And yes be corrected as well! We are forever “becoming”… We are continuously on the Potter’s wheel as long as we allow ourselves to be spiritually moistened we can change… Too often the power of the Holy Spirit is discounted … We must never underestimate the Power of the Lord! We must humble ourselves and submit… There is always room for improvement! God is able! Thank you for sharing, as always a pleasure! In His, Joy, Love, & Peace!


cristina327 profile image

cristina327 6 years ago from Manila

This is indeed another excellent hub with great precepts, very realistic. Again I find this hub very valuable to me. Thank you for sharing these timely insights here at Hubpages.Blessings to you and your family. Best regards.


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 6 years ago Author

Cristina, So glad that you are continuing on in these lessons! Your input is much appreciated since you are about to embark on your marriage journey... So glad that they are being helpful! I pray that this will also encourage others as well to think through some things...!

I pray that you and your fiance` plan a "Beautiful Wedding" and an ongoing life Celebrating your union together that includes commitment, intimacy and...

Thank you for sharing, In His, Love, Joy & Peace! God Blessings to you both...


Lady_E profile image

Lady_E 6 years ago from London, UK

Very inspiring and I learnt a lot too. I'm guessing two people could work at being compatible while heading towards the Altar? (during courtship/dating)

Thanks for a new Teaching Series. :)


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 6 years ago Author

Lady E, So glad that you are inspired! That is a great idea... It is best to openly discuss various topics and see how each other feel "BEFORE you say "I DO"...? Preferable in a place where you do not have to be placed in a compromising situation... That was the original idea of courting...

Many times after the honeymoon period the couple find out that they are strangers and do not share core beliefs...

You are so welcome! As always much love and thank you for sharing your input!

In HIS Love, Joy, Peace & Blessings!


msorensson profile image

msorensson 6 years ago

It is so fascinating. A colleague of mine were discussing this yesterday. I love the way you phrased it. The wrinkles as you put it.

I have to come back to this and digest some more. Thank you/


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 6 years ago Author

Msorensson, Thank YOU! Feel free to share further input! Always nice to see you here! Unill later...

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