How Do I LOVE Thee "Food For Thought Before You Say "I DO" ~ Lesson Six & Seven ~

How Do I Love Thee

Food For Thought BEFORE You Say “I DO”




Here I want to discuss some basic guidelines that I think will be helpful! Working together as a couple is a priority to really consider? Of course it is easier said than done. Some couples just opt to "do their own thing!" We are able to work together with co workers, friends, relatives, neighbors and… Why not as a couple? Your marriage will be what you make it… Notice how a boat rows better with two oars working together in harmony! They both help you reach your destination much faster!

The world offers many alternatives…

Since God has made us all unique, each couple is quite different. It is important that as a couple; if you desire to build a healthy home environment that you consider the importance of transparency, intimacy and good open communication. These are components that will help your marriage flourish. It is important to take time to listen to one another! Home should be a shelter from the storms of life.

God is Love and with Him in the center of your marriage you will be able to weather the tempestuous storms that life so often brings forth. Remember just as you planned your wedding, or plan anything else make sure you take the time to include some future "Happy" life events and plan building great memories together!

It is important to keep in mind your vows; your commitment was to the Lord as well as to your spouse. God is always just a prayer away…




~ LESSON SIX ~

READY FOR INTIMACY

A strong Christian marriage must contain intimacy. We must develop a warm endearing closeness, a relationship in which we can be transparent. If your potential mate is the desired lifetime partner there should be not doubts in the area of trust. Marriage should consist of an ever increasing closeness. After all this should be the person who should be closer to you than anyone else? Remember the two shall be one flesh.

Intimacy does not just imply physical closeness. Many people engage in physical relationships without experiencing intimacy. Life experiences often help us to develop walls that emotionally protect us from further hurt. These walls create barriers.

These barriers must gradually come down as we learn to entrust who we are to our love one. This is why it is so important that Christians seek God’s counsel when seeking a marriage partner. When a marriage omits God’s principles and direction it can be a living hell.

GOD created us to have an intimate personal relationship with Him. Let’s practice by developing an intimate relationship with our potential spouse. The physical intimacy we later experience after the vows can be greatly enriched due to the depth of the relationship.

Intimacy can be delightful! Intimacy lightens your load and enables you to freely express who you truly are without reservation. The Bible tells us freely you give freely you will receive. Your marriage should ultimately be a safe place to express sincere intimacy.

When two come together in marriage they are coming from two separate living environments. The way in which their parents and family related have somewhat impacted their anticipation of what to expect in marriage. Consciously make an effort to abandon unhealthy relational dynamics that have been modeled. The two of you are unique; your marriage will be unique as well.

Seek God’s guidance and HIS direction. The two of you are embarking on virgin waters. Remember God knows all about each of you. When you sincerely beseech Him He has promised to direct your paths. You must be willing to be patient and willing to listen and follow God’s direction. How can you truly love someone without God because GOD IS LOVE!




~ LESSON SEVEN ~

WHAT ABOUT THE IN-LAWS?

TOO often we have selective memories. The marriage vows usually states “forsaking all others.” Why are in-laws allowed to create havoc? How we start out will greatly impact how we end up.

All others including in-laws must butt out!!!

After over thirty-eight (38) years of marriage I can truly say your spouse should come first. I visually remember the spiritual counseling of our Pastor. He explained how the ring is an unending symbol of marriage. It should represent an impenetrable circle. He emphasized how no one should be allowed to enter into that circle. The two are one spiritually speaking. The oneness experienced in marriage does not mean you give up who you are!

You are two equal halves that are spiritually joined together in the ultimate human relationship. Although equal you both bring different aspects to the relationship. It is a quest like no other. You must learn to walk in a harmonious cadence.

True oneness in marriage cannot be experienced if you allow in-laws to penetrate the circle. If necessary let them become out-laws (smile) it is not necessary to alienate yourself from your relatives. It is crucial that you establish boundaries. The boundaries need to clearly define their limitations. There must be a weaning period. The couple must spend quality time fortifying their union.

Don’t hastily share every aspect of your spats. You will find in time you will get over them; they won’t! They will keep an ongoing tally of wrong or hurtful events. When you display respect for your spouse it is highly possible they will too.

Don’t allow them to disrespect your relationship. Remember to exercise patience with them. Forsaking all others does not mean being in considerate. After all they need time to adjust to the two of you as well. There are situations prior to marriage that oftentimes create hostility among family members. If this is the case I recommend the couple agreeing not to let the relatives use your house for a battleground. Adamantly insist no excess baggage dumped or parked on your abode!

What does a spouse do when their mate can’t cut the old apron strings? What happens if a spouse embarrasses their mate in the presence of other family members, friends or in-laws? Do you ignore their comments? Do you ruminate on the unpleasant encounter? The couple considering marriage should be aware of possible unpleasant encounters. What do we do? How do we deal with the situation? Remember marriage gives you the opportunity to develop a healthy living environment.

Oftentimes when one comes from a hostile living environment they unconsciously duplicate that familiar habitat. Role playing certain situations and reversing positions will give you a simulated area to experience dissension. Spiritual warfare is alive and kicking. A conscientious soldier prepares for battle; even if war never comes to pass. When a couple is united they can be a force to reckon with. In-laws, out-laws anyone else watch out! Read and meditate on Ephesians 6.


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Comments 24 comments

RevLady profile image

RevLady 6 years ago from Lantana, Florida

"A strong Christian marriage must contain intimacy. We must develop a warm endearing closeness, a relationship in which we can be transparent. If your potential mate is the desired lifetime partner there should be not doubts in the area of trust. Marriage should consist of an ever increasing closeness. After all this should be the person who should be closer to you than anyone else? Remember the two shall be one flesh." PRAISE THE LORD, AMEN! EXCELLENT ADVICE!

Recognizing that God is our Creator and has designed a marital plan for godly marriages. Intimacy is an important part of that plan and is created as each learns to connect with the other emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically. In cooperation with physical love, intimacy, enhances and strengthens the covenant relationship.

A wonderful hub that accentuates the value of building intimacy and understanding the boundaries in-laws must not be allowed to cross. Thank you for your insight, expertise and ministry.

Forever His,


jasper420 6 years ago

great hub like the topicf well writtin


drpastorcarlotta profile image

drpastorcarlotta 6 years ago from BREAKOUT MINISTRIES, INC. KC

I always say: Marriage is not a 50/50 relationship on each others part, It's a 100/100% relationship on each otthers part! You have to give it your all! GREAT HUB!!


fred allen profile image

fred allen 6 years ago from Myrtle Beach SC

Another great lesson! This series is full of truth and wisdom. Speaking as a husband to an angel of a wife of over 19 years, the things you have shined light on are tried and true principles that will bring success in marriage! I applaud you for shining the light!


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 6 years ago Author

Rev Lady, Thank you so much! What a wonderful asset you are! Thank you for sharing encouraging words that well help others yearn to build “Better MARRIAGES GOD’S WAY!” Marriage can be a wonderful experience but it is important that it continues to be a priority! It takes a lot of hard work and dedication…

Yes! Intimacy is important as well as creating good healthy boundaries! "In cooperation with physical love, intimacy, enhances and strengthens the covenant relationship." AMEN! You are POINT ON!"

Thank you for sharing your wise insight as always, In His Love, Joy, Peace & Blessings!


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 6 years ago Author

Jasper, Thank you! I am glad you enjoyed this... Please come again! In HIS Love, Peace & Blessings!


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 6 years ago Author

DR PastorCarlotta, GOD is LOVE! He is the source of LOVE! I believe that you have to give of yourself and be transparent before the Lord! Marriage gives us the opportunity to grow spiritually as well as put into practice what we say…

Love, Sincerity and Commitment are essential in building a “Great Marriage!” When we truly love our spouse we learn healthy boundaries and not only respect them but the marriages of others as well… Yes we must “give it our ALL” Amen! It is important to not take one another for granted…

There is a void in all of us that only God can fill…. As God’s children He has provided marriage as a way to get certain physical, emotional and physical needs met… When we encounter others we can express properly His love and give freely as we continuously are replenished by His Holy Spirit. We continue to learn to let Him “fill our cup and let it overflow…”

Thank you for sharing your insight! In His Love, Joy, Peace & Blessings!


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 6 years ago Author

Fred Allen, Thank You! So glad that this is helpful and confirming! Your testimony will serve to help and encourage others! Let’s continue to proclaim “Building Better “MARRIAGES GOD’S WAY!” really does work!

Thank you for sharing your heartfelt as well as insightful comments! Praise God! In HIS Love, Joy, Peace & Blessings!


prasetio30 profile image

prasetio30 6 years ago from malang-indonesia

Very well written and this hub totally beautiful. I love this information. The pictures so amazing. You give me a new spirit and motivation to get married soon. I wish my dream will come true....amen. Thanks DeBorrah, you are my inspiration. Rate Up. My pray, my love always for you.

Prasetio


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 6 years ago Author

Prasetio, Thank You! So nice to see you here! I am elated that you have enjoyed this and you are encouraged! Wonderful!! Since you have not married you are in a great position to start out right preparing to build a great foundation when the time comes….

You have a realistic goal I believe that the Lord will honor! I pray that He places someone in your life that you can together build a lasting marriage with… The Word tells us that the Lord will give you the desires of your heart if it is in His will… I pray that He answers your prayer soon I am excited for you... So keep your eyes open and seek His direction on finding that special someone! Be encouraged! In HIS Love, Joy, Peace & God Bless You!


A M Werner profile image

A M Werner 6 years ago from West Allis

Oh, I strongly agree with the transparency and intimacy. Everyone has deep-rooted feelings, emotions and memories, and at times, these need to be expressed, brought to light. Marriage provides us with a person we can share these with. We don't need to just blurt out every memory, or every thought, but we need to feel secure enough to say these things when they are affecting how we behave. As you said, gradually the barriers come down as trust builds and we see that the secrets we relate are part of one body, and not shared with others.

And the in-law thing, I've seen that harm so many marriages. It is a circle no one else should be allowed to enter. The influence of outside sources can disrupt and destroy. Great hub. Peace.


stars439 profile image

stars439 6 years ago from Louisiana, The Magnolia and Pelican State.

So much good advice, and such lovely pictures , and the church is beautiful.Thank you for this wonderfull ub. God Bless you Dear Heart.


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 6 years ago Author

A M Werner, Intimacy and transparency are so very important within marriage! You cannot really get to know the person you are married to unless you can be open and honest with one another… You are so right about marriage. God is Awesome! He knows just what we need.

Think about Adam in his perfect state. He had everything he needed and more and was highly intelligent yet God said “he needed a helpmate…” It is a wonderful natural desire to want to have a partner..

With God as the center it can be a wonderful fulfilling ongoing growing relationship… Marriage is like ‘Epoxy; when the two are bonded properly it creates and impenetrable bond!” "What GOD has joined together let not man separate!" What is so beautiful GOD honors your marriage! He is always right there to help you!

As always thank you for stopping by to share your wonderful insight! Let’s continue to encourage “Building Better MARRIAGES GOD’S WAY!”

In HIS Love, Joy, Peace & Blessings to you and yours!


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 6 years ago Author

Stars, Thank YOU! You are so welcome! Always nice of you to stop by... In His Love, Joy, Peace & Blessings!


heart4theword profile image

heart4theword 6 years ago from hub

Yes, there is much we do subconciously! Sometimes don't even realize we're on the same path as our parent or parents, until after the fact. I agree with you, that in marriage it is also about spiritual closeness:) The closer we are in our personal relationship to God, the closer we are to our spouse:) Great Hub!


jacobkuttyta profile image

jacobkuttyta 6 years ago from Delhi, India

Very interesting lessons for the successful marriage.

Thanks


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 6 years ago Author

Heart4theword, Thank You!! You have captured the essence of these lessons... Which is to stop and think and conciously begin to break the dysfunction that so often happens in marriages rather than continue to pass it down... GOD is ABLE!

Yes, marriage "is about spiritual closeness." It is a spiritual union. Yes! "The closer we are in our personal relationship to God, the closer we are to our spouse:)" Amen! God wants to be in the CENTER!

Thank you for stopping by to share your wise and most helpful insight! Let us continue to encourage "Building Better MARRIAGES GOD'S WAY!" I pray that many are Blessed by your comments!

In HIS Love, Joy, Peace & Blessings!


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 6 years ago Author

Jacobkuttya, You are quite welcome! THANK YOU as well for stopping by to share your encouraging words! In HIS Love, Joy, Peace & Blessings!


Lady_E profile image

Lady_E 6 years ago from London, UK

Hello :)

I enjoyed reading this. (this one should be printed and placed on a wall, where couples see it everyday). I was quite taken by Lesson 7. The Spouse should always come first. Interferance runs deep.

May God give us Wisdom to know how to set the boundaries in a way that would not offend our friends/families.

Thanks for another important lesson.

Regards, Elena.


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 6 years ago Author

Lady E, Hello! Great! It is quite true and it works! But one must be certain that the one they marry shares the same "core values!"

It really is important you get to know where this person is on certain issues since you say you want to spend the rest of your life together!

If the couple mutually holds to their marriage commitment there is no need for the family to try to interfere. It does and will take some time for them to adjust to you as a couple. A united couple will eventually gain respect and possibly even point the way for others in the family…

In the case when a spouse is abusive I recommend relatives and friends should immediately intervene this type of behavior is unacceptable and voids "Butting out" As a matter of a fact No abuse allowed...

I think it is important to be considerate when you decide to marry. The couple should sit down with their parents and allow time for some discussion to take place. Any unforeseen problems aired as well. This will give the couple as well as parents the opportunity to have a glimpse as to how the couple will integrate into the family... as well as help the couple better decide their boundaries...

You are so welcome and Thank You as always for stopping by to share, In His Love, Joy, Peace & Blessings!


cristina327 profile image

cristina327 6 years ago from Manila

Great hub, with great counsel to live by.Thank you for sharing these great and timely reminders. There is great wisdom in very insight brought up here.God continually bless you and your ministry.


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 6 years ago Author

Cristina, God Bless You! Thank you for stopping by to share! I pray that the Lord Blesses you two with a WONDERFUL mutually Fulfilling, Happy and Blessed marriage! In HIS Love, Joy, Peace & Blessings!


no body profile image

no body 6 years ago from Rochester, New York

That's another great thing about my wife's family. They are respectful of our family boundries. They are always there if we need help or advice but they will not butt in and I love them for that. Great hub DeBbie.


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 6 years ago Author

NoBody, Wonderful! So glad that they are respectful it makes a big difference! May the Lord continue to Bless you both and knit your hearts together! In HIS Love, Joy, Peace & Blessings!

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