How "I" Became The "Fourth Grade 'Love god'"

Janet, one of the girls who was my friend

loved Atomic Fireballs. These candies were HOT, friends. But Janet loved me for giving them to her everyday.
loved Atomic Fireballs. These candies were HOT, friends. But Janet loved me for giving them to her everyday. | Source

Other girls who loved my "candy charms"

TERESA, A REGULAR GIRL WHO WAS MY FRIEND, LOVED BUBBLE GUM. NOTE: NEITHER OF THESE GIRLS IS TERESA.
TERESA, A REGULAR GIRL WHO WAS MY FRIEND, LOVED BUBBLE GUM. NOTE: NEITHER OF THESE GIRLS IS TERESA. | Source
A GIRL NAMED DENISE, HAD A  THING FOR RED HOTS, AND I MADE SURE THAT SHE GOT THEM.
A GIRL NAMED DENISE, HAD A THING FOR RED HOTS, AND I MADE SURE THAT SHE GOT THEM. | Source
BARBARA, LOVED SOUR BALLS. WHY? I DON'T KNOW, BUT SHE WANTED THEM EVERYDAY.
BARBARA, LOVED SOUR BALLS. WHY? I DON'T KNOW, BUT SHE WANTED THEM EVERYDAY. | Source
TOOTSIE POPS MADE JOAN, A QUIET GIRL, MY FRIEND. I OWE ALL OF THESE CANDIES MY GREAT FOURTH GRADE YEAR.
TOOTSIE POPS MADE JOAN, A QUIET GIRL, MY FRIEND. I OWE ALL OF THESE CANDIES MY GREAT FOURTH GRADE YEAR. | Source

WRITER'S NOTE: This hub DOES NOT contain any adult content, and is "family-friendly," suitable to be read while eating dinner. (KENNETH).

At age nine, fourth grade, I was considered a true, blue, grade-school, “love god.”
But not for the obvious reasons.


To understand my title, you will have to go back to my grades first through third, or what I call, “the dark ages,” of my school days. Sad times.


To set the stage, my days in the first through third grade were really trying. I had no friends to speak of. No social training from my parents. And if God were to hand-out rewards for shyness, I would surely have an armful.


Girls would just look at me and I would melt like the wicked witch on the Wizard of Oz when Dorothy threw the bucket of water on her.


So with first and third grade behind me, I made up my mind that fourth grade was not going to be a repetitive-cycle of shyness, never talking to girls, sweating through my shirt when my girl classmates would walk by me and dreading each day of school like I was walking up the steps to the guillotine.


I needed friends. Girls, to be exact. And fast. Not the girls, but a plan of action.


For days I walked around “with my head in a fog,” trying to figure out “the”perfect plan to not only attract the prettiest girls in my room, but keep in my life for the rest of my natural life.


Then one night my parents and I were watching “The Alfred Hitchcock Hour,” and in one of those “uptown, blue-blood,”-based commercials with an Englishman narrating for some chocolate, it hit me. The plan that I was praying for.


When the English narrator said, “the way to a girl’s heart is through a box of chocolates,” a General Electric lightbulb fired-up over my head.


I now wish that my dad and mom would have noticed, for that would have settled their fears that “I” wasn’t that much of a thinker.


Now to put my newly-found plan into motion. The school year was slowly passing by and I knew that I had to make my move. Regardless of what my fellow classmates said or thought of me.


Now the most-important part of the plan was already in-place: the money to finance my idea to attract my pretty girl classmates. My dad would always give me a dollar, sometimes two, (big bucks for a kid in 1964), to as he said, “buy me something at recess.”


I never told my dad that in 1964, my fourth-grade year, it was called “break time.”


I wasn’t a fool. I had a friend, Ann Rayburn, a pretty redhead who was in the eighth-grade who with her friends, got to go into a building called “the annex,” a place we grade-school kids referred to as “Heaven,” for inside this “forbidden area,” were any and all types of candy and cold drink machines, potato chips, bubble gum, and honestly, anything that a kid my age dreamed of during class.


But my plan was not necessarily all about “me,” in the fact that goods that I had my friend, Ann, to buy for me at morning break time, and give to me that evening on our school bus, were not for my eating pleasure, but to charm the “it” girls in my class.


And friends, these “it” girls were actually the prototype of today’s Parris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Brooke Burke. Girls, even at age nine, could shatter my concentration (what little I had) for Math and lure my eyes into following them when they would slowly walk toward the front of the room to sharpen their pencils.


I learned later, was one of their female ploys to get attention from us guys.


I can name them today as it were yesterday. There was Janet; Jeanne; Teresa; Denise; Barbara and Joan. All “hotties,” and all were “sights to behold.”


Allow me to elaborate. These six girls were so pretty that “they,” were the “only” part of fourth-grade that I liked.


My plan started slow. I was not that stupid to know that if I tried to make friends with these six girls all at once, then I would fall on my face. Not cool.


Slow, easy and suave. Just like the fancy gentleman in the chocolate commercial. That’s how I was going to “play this hand” and see where it led to.


The first day of my plan wasn’t hard. I viewed Janet, her real name, bopping out of the school building, heading toward the playground.


“uhh, hey, Janet! Got something for you,” I said in a moderate-yell.


Janet was like a cautious jungle cat in how she came toward me and had “that” look on her face. Distrustful.


That was until I held out a pack of Atomic Fireballs, a candy that was sweet, but would fry the roof of any kid’s mouth. Tasty stuff. Good times.


Soon, Janet was coming to see me every morning at our 10 a.m. break time and there I’d be with her Atomic Fireballs. A solid friendship was struck.


Soon, and thanks to Janet, word spread to the other five “it” girls and one-by-one, they came. They ate. They became “victims” of my “love charms.”


Jeanne loved orange Popsicles like a mother cat with a new litter of kittens loves fresh milk from the refrigerator.


Teresa had a thing for bubble gum. Any flavor of bubble gum. And her pretty eyes would sparkle at me as she blew bubbles as she walked away happy.


Denise was a “Red Hots,” candy girl. “Red Hots,” were a first-cousin to Atomic Fireballs, but with a milder, sweeter taste of cinnamon. She was my instant friend when she had her first mouthful of “Red Hots.”


Then there was Barbara who loved a candy named, “Sour Balls,” with a passion. When she was devouring Sour Balls, nothing or no one else mattered.


And finally, Joan, who was soon addicted to Tootsie Pops and I had to keep her “in pops,” as I did the rest of my “girlfriends” with their candy “fixes.”


These six girls and I went through grade-school and graduated from high school together.
And from those “warm and fuzzy” mornings at 10 a.m., our break time in fourth grade, until now, this day, we are all still good friends.


None of these girls ever had a clue what was really happening.


“Suckers.”

Jeanne, another girl who was my friend

was in-love with orange popsicles, those with one stick or two.
was in-love with orange popsicles, those with one stick or two. | Source

More by this Author


Comments 14 comments

picklesandrufus profile image

picklesandrufus 4 years ago from Virginia Beach, Va

What a schemer you were! I was not nearly as clever as you at that early age, but sure can appreciate your savvy!! I would have fallen too!Fun read.


SommerDalton profile image

SommerDalton 4 years ago

Wow fourth grade! That scares me for my son lol voted up and more!


catgypsy profile image

catgypsy 4 years ago from the South

Very clever! What about Ann? It seems you had a friendship there, but never tried to make it more? Just wondered!


Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

Gypsy Rose Lee 4 years ago from Riga, Latvia

A delightful read and you were a very clever boy. Loved this and made me hungry for candy.


shiningirisheyes profile image

shiningirisheyes 4 years ago from Upstate, New York

I have to say, this one of my favorite hubs from you! Even at an early age you possessed and displayed your entrepreneurial traits. And it stands as a true testament to the person you are by carrying these friendships throughout a lifetime.

I'd like to put my order in now: 4 packs of waxed lips, 40 packs of Bit'O Honey and some Red Hots please.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, picklesandrufus,

Thank you warmly, for your nice comments. I wish I had known you back then. Times were easier and simple. I miss those days so much.

Hopefully, our government migh invent a time machine or that company, RONCO, they could do it.

Id buy one for 10 easy payments of $500.00 each.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear Sommer,

your son will not have the social obstacles that I had. Your son, judging by your photo, is a good looking guy and has a great personality. I had to USE candy to be near my friends. But when my dad forgot my break money, a lot of sad girls went away from me at recess.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear catgypsy . . .Oh, Ann? She was much older than me. She knew my parents and doing this for me was a pleasure she always said. I never got to thank her for her helping to give me a few moments of popularity in the fourth grade.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, Gypsy Rose Lee,

Thank you, and meet me in the morning at 10 a.m. at my old school playground.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello, shiningirisheyes . . .this, your comment is so strange. Did you know me back then???? Waxed lips, yes! And Bit-O'-Honey . . .I forgot these treats . . .they WERE there too for sale . . .wow, what if, naaah, oh what the heck . . .what if you and I had crossed paths and I never knew it?????

Your order is ready. Thanks.


shiningirisheyes profile image

shiningirisheyes 4 years ago from Upstate, New York

Then I would have eaten ALLL of your candy and completely put you out of business!

Who cares about "what if's". I'm thankful for the fact that our paths met at all.

Keep smiling and I'll keep in touch my very very funny friend. I'll keep reading as well.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, shiningirisheyes,

You are a true blue blessing of God. LOL, put me out of business. I love that. I am also thankful for our paths meeting. You have already touched my life.

Thanks and I WILL keep smiling.

:) See there?


Sueswan 4 years ago

Dearest Kenneth,

I wish I was in your fourth grade class. Orange popsicles were my favorite. :)

Voted up across the board.

Take care


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dearest Susan . . .me too. Thanks for this and all of your kind words. I apologize for this being so short, but my left eye hasnt completely healed. I will write longer comments soon.

Love, KENNETH

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