How Many Times Have You Been Married?

Married 23 Times!

Here is a story of a woman who married 23 times.  How is that for perseverance in the quest for love!  I don't know that I have that much faith, myself.  23 times...I quit after 3.  This woman is ready to marry again.  Crazy or hopeful, I don't know!

I thought I was not cut out for marriage, but this woman makes me reassess my situation.  Could it be that there actually is someone who I can put up with...and who can put up with me?

Lonely flower existing in a cold, hard world.
Lonely flower existing in a cold, hard world.
Child alone rejoicing in the sunset.
Child alone rejoicing in the sunset.

Alone or Lonely

Loneliness is not usually an issue of mine. I come from a family of 5 children and being alone is a blessing. Then again, alone and lonely are are the same, but different, issues.

Lonely is the lack of human interaction...a feeling of being alone...a wish for another's presence. Although being lonely can make you feel alone, being alone does not mean you are lonely.

Alone is separated from others, but often with the connotation that it is a willing separation...a time for one's self...a moment of peace in a busy world.

I have been alone and lonely at times, but I am blessed in that God has never left me truly lonely. Every time I have felt lonely, it was brought on by my own actions.

Building Walls

I am often a builder of walls, not bridges. One thing I say when describing myself, is that I am flexible to a point, if you hit that point there is nothing left. Think how a log will roll over and roll over, but after rolling so far it hits the wall. No matter how hard you try to roll it there is nowhere left to go. You have hit the wall and all forward action stops. With me not only do you hit a wall, but a blankness.

Where there was caring, there is now apathy. Where there was feelings of closeness, there is now aloofness. Where there was love, there now is indifference. These are my walls.

My First Love

The first man I fell in love with is my daughter's father. That is how I think of him today...not how I thought of him years ago. If I think of him as I thought of him years ago, I may get lonely.

Years ago he was exciting, romantic, protective and fun. We had many wonderful times. I have lovely memories and funny stories. I was with him on and off from when I was 16 to when I was 28. I became pregnant with my daughter when I was 28.

Knowing I was going to have a child changed me. I would now have to look out for an innocent given into my protection. My eyes opened to all the issues in our lives that would not be conducive to raising a child. I talked to him about it, and it seemed the more I talked, the worse things became.

He started staying out until two or three in the morning on a regular basis. He stopped going to work on a regular basis...he would go 2 or 3 days a week. He began bringing "friends" home with him and they would party all night. I was pregnant and holding a full time job.

I began sleeping in the nursery and locking the door at night. I stopped talking to him about it and started yelling. The night I delivered, I had asked him not to go out. He went anyway. When I awoke with labor pains at 2am, he was sleeping. Thankfully, he had not brought anyone home with him that night.

I woke him up and he was dead drunk. He said he would drive me, but I refused and drove myself. When he finally showed up the next morning, I was in full blown labor. The nurses asked me if I wanted him to come in. I told them no.

I thought that seeing his beautiful daughter would wake him up. I was wrong...things continued to get worse. I began to make plans about how I could get away. I was too ashamed to ask my family for help, or even let them know what was going on.

My parents were living in another state. My daughter was about 5 months old and my Mom was going to come for a visit. Her father was going to work less than ever. I told him that if he didn't go to work the day my mother was picking me up to go out, that he should stay in the bedroom until we left. I didn't want to try to explain why he was home to my mother.

Well, my mother came to pick me up. This was a quick thing...let me get my purse...let me get the diaper bag...out he walks. I couldn't believe it! He couldn't stay for 5 minutes when I had practically begged him. My mother and he had their greetings and we left.

In the car, my mom asked why he wasn't at work. Suddenly everything spilled out of me. The sleeping in my daughter's room with the door locked, the all night parties, the fights and the silences. I told her that I was going to move out and it would take me about 6 months to save the money.

The following week I received a phone call. My mother had spoken with my father and they wanted me to go and live with them until I got back on my feet. I told them I couldn't do that, but they insisted. The relief I felt was incredible. I started making plans.

I told him that I was going to visit my mother for about 2 weeks. I couldn't tell him I was leaving, I knew he would talk me out of it. He could be very charismatic when he wanted. He thought it was strange that I took all my daughter's clothes and furniture. I told him I wanted her to feel at home. I left many of my clothes, all my stuff, and my cars so that he wouldn't suspect anything.

It took me about a month to work up the strength to tell him I wasn't coming back. I explained I couldn't raise a child in the environment of a constant party. He said he would leave it all and move to my location. Things started looking up.

The following week he said he and 3 of his friends were moving. I told him not to bother. It was over. The last time he saw his daughter, she was 6 months old. I asked for full custody and told him he wouldn't have to pay child support if he didn't visit. He agreed.

I look back and wish I had known some of the things I know now. Maybe if I had looked for ways to help him, instead of fighting with him we could have survived. I didn't know about rehab back then...there was no Internet to search for answers.

I built a wall and went on with my life. I rarely think on this time...it still hurts greatly. I am lonely writing this, but not alone! I better get that wall back up, before I cry.

This was the first step in my life that led to me becoming a nurse...but that is a different story.  I just wanted to emphasize that with every closed door another opens.

Typical New Mexico sunset
Typical New Mexico sunset
This is where I lived, flat and brown!
This is where I lived, flat and brown!
A close by attraction
A close by attraction

Second Time

My second marriage lasted 9 months...not exactly a union made in heaven.  However, it did get me to New Mexico, where I met my third husband.

Third Time had no Charm

My third marriage had an interesting beginning, but that is a story for another day.  This is already running on.  Suffice it to say, that I liked him well enough and thought I could grow to love him.  I was tired of trying to make ends meet on my own, and he seemed to love me very much.

We were married for 8 years, I think.  (I know I should be more sentimental.)  He was a stay at home dad for the first 3 years.  We lived out in the country on 40 acres.  He seldom left the property.  I worked a minimum of 60 hours a week to make ends meet, and he would not even go to the store to get milk.

I finally asked him to get a part time job to help out.  I moved us back to town to be able to see the kids more.  (Oh, I forgot to mention, he is my son's father.)  He got a full time job in another town. 

We had been married about 3 1/2 years when I hurt my back and had to go on disability.  He decided to move out.  At one point, I asked for some money to buy food with and he told me he didn't have any.  People I worked with took up a collection and brought me food. 

He would come over sometimes to see his son.  I really had nothing more to do with him, except to ask for a divorce now and again.  I was in no rush, the last thing I needed was another man in my life.  He was living with another woman before he finally said OK.

After the divorce, he would continually disappoint my son, saying he would come over and not showing.  I can't count the number of times I saw my son on the front porch crying because the sun was setting and he had to admit his dad wasn't coming. 

I would call him up and ask him to please, at least call if he wasn't going to show.  Finally, I decided to move back East.  Now he has a good reason for not seeing his son.  I am the bad one in my son's eyes for taking him so far from his dad, but at least I don't have to see his heart break every other week.

I worked with an anesthesiologist from Pakistan for a while.  He read my palm on day, and told me that I would have a great love late in life.  I laughed, thinking to myself, "as if I would go down that road again". 

Now I read a story about a woman who was married 23 times!  It makes me question myself.  I think of myself as a strong person, but maybe I am just a coward.  I have built walls around myself, letting in only my family.  Maybe it is time to get the wrecker out.  Maybe it is time to start building bridges again.

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Comments 75 comments

goldentoad profile image

goldentoad 7 years ago from Free and running....

Men suck. But there are good ones out there.


Peggy W profile image

Peggy W 7 years ago from Houston, Texas

Dear Kari, Reading this broke my heart for the things you have suffered. There truly are good men out there. Hopefully the next one will be the person who will bring you long lasting joy and happiness. It will be worth the wait.


k@ri profile image

k@ri 7 years ago from Sunny Southern California Author

goldentoad--yeah, men suck, but so do women. I need to get over the wall building! It's really counterproductive to long term relationships.

I know there are good men, I seem to attract users...must be the nurse in me wanting to take care of everything. (Another thing to work on...ughhh, why are there so many!)

You really are golden, toad! I've read your hubs and I know life isn't always easy on you either...but you maintain!

Thanks for your kind words!

Peggy, Broke my heart a couple of times. I am sure they suffered also...love is never a one way street. I'm not currently looking, but maybe it is time to open my eyes again. Thanks for your understanding!


Gail S profile image

Gail S 7 years ago

Yes, K@ri - be aware of those walls! Those walls can be very protective but sometimes we lose track of the fact that we've healed enough to let them fall. And over time we mature and are are able to identify the users before we fall for them. There are some very healthy semi-needy people out there for those of us semi-needy people who need to take care of things!


k@ri profile image

k@ri 7 years ago from Sunny Southern California Author

Hey Gail, Thanks for the advice. I think you found the truth. I guess I need to mature a little more...hate to let the walls fall all the way...need to find the number for the wrecking ball...where is it????


Matt Harless profile image

Matt Harless 7 years ago from Indiana

I have been married two times and I think this one is going to stick. It comes down a daily decision that both of you make. I wish I could say that we are going to be together until one of dies but that is my hope. I love my wife and I make a point to protect and promote my relationship with my wife.

I can only imagine the kind of grief a person gets after one failed marriage but the fact that someone has not given up on the institution of marriage after 23 attempts iscertain encouraging to me in my second marriage.

Thanks for this hub, I really appreciated it!


Gail S profile image

Gail S 7 years ago

Yeah - that's a good one! I think it's 1-800-COURAGE! :-) I was SOOOO scared!


mamakaren 7 years ago

You are a very sensitive woman, Kari--and very transparent. You deserve the very best--someone with a sense of humor who will make life fun, someone with a strong character and a loving and forgiving nature, someone who knows Jesus as Savior But don't set out to find him. Instead, start to pray for him.--for his well-being and growth. Remember, The Father knows best--He will bring him to you at the right time. In the meantime, take down those walls. <3


k@ri profile image

k@ri 7 years ago from Sunny Southern California Author

First, let me say that all of the kindness brings tears to my eyes! Not something I always (OK ever) want, but something I need. I published this hub and immediately went grocery shopping...coward that I am! I couldn't see any comments after reading it...

Matt, Stick with it, it is worth it! I see my parents, who will have their 50th anniversary this year, and I know it is true.

I read a quote researching this hub...it says:

"A successful marriage requires falling in love several times, always with the same person." No author was quoted, but I believe this is key! To always find new things to love in your spouse...to find newness in the old...to love anew each day.

Gail, I know you have courage...you may have been scared, but you took the plunge. As far as I can see, it was into warm and loving waters!

Mamakaren, Thanks for your kind wishes. I certainly am not looking, but I may start praying. I have had my blinders on for a long time now.

Hey, are you my mother? You know the <3 sign! Anyway, the Father does know best...and I keep looking for the number for the wrecking ball people!

Thanks to you all. This was very difficult for me to write...catharsis and all that!


daveearley profile image

daveearley 7 years ago from Chicago, IL

Ouch!  23 times!  Really?  That hurts MY heart. 

Sorry to hear about your situation Kari, I know it's hard when there's nothing really good you can do about a situation. The quote you found, I really liked.

 


AEvans profile image

AEvans 7 years ago from SomeWhere Out There

Wouldn't those men be afraid of her? I would be questioning someone who was married 23 times, as that tells me she is quite dysfunctional, and look at her bedroom list? She is like a used vehicle that has been bought and sold 23 times , who would honestly buy it? :)


Anna Marie Bowman profile image

Anna Marie Bowman 7 years ago from Florida

What a story!! I can understand why you would question whether it's worth it. I often question whether it's worth it to get married again, and I have only been down that road once. I wish you luck, and I hope that the man who read your palm is right! You deserve to experience great love, even if you never do get married again!


k@ri profile image

k@ri 7 years ago from Sunny Southern California Author

Dave, Thanks, I really like the quote also. Do not be sorry about my situation, I am actually quite content.

AEvans, Yes, probably more dysfunctional than me!

Anna Marie, Thanks for your words! And you are right, I do deserve a great love :)


Proud Mom profile image

Proud Mom 7 years ago from USA

k@ri--I'm going to send you another email--I want to ask you something.

Anyway, have you ever heard the Rascall Flatts song, "God Blessed the Broken Road"? Consider it for your next wedding.

I only know you through our emails and hubs, but I know a kind and caring person. Someday you'll find the man who is willing to climb those walls, or build a bridge over the top of them. Then, you'll tear them down together.

I'm a music lover, so I'll throw out another song. If you haven't already seen it, watch Toby Keith's "It's a Little Too Late" video. The part about building the brick wall reminds me of your story. My theory: Put yourself on the right side of the wall!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BEV87q5Onqk


C. C. Riter 7 years ago

Isn't there a 12 step program for this? seems to me there should be. Hello, my name is __________and I'm a ball buster. 23 times? My gawd!

Hang in there k@ri, chin up and all that sort of thing and do what I did, if you beleive in God, let Him choose your mate. I was always wrong 'til the third time around. I just let him change my way of thinking.


ajcor profile image

ajcor 7 years ago from NSW. Australia

Thanks for your honesty k@ri - I have been married twice - the first time was very glamorous and high profile but didn't last; the second (after 17 years of single parenthood) is still going strong. But before I met J I had seriously decided that I was never marrying again but obviously there were other plans in store for me! Also I can say that although I was alone I was not lonely as I was too busy with my boys, running a house, holding down 3 jobs (1 fulltime and 2 part time)you kow the single mother trip! Plus I was lucky enough to be a part of a large family who supported me emotionally as best they could...It is sometimes said that it takes a "village to raise a child" and I was lucky to part of such a village within my own (no. 5 of 6) large family.

I think that now, after your life experiences you are both wiser, stronger and richer and that someone worthy of you will find you! and the plus here for you is that you will be able to recoqnise, in fact see straight through - any of the shennanigans any future potential life partners may throw at you - take down the walls and be open to life - time flies and you don't want to miss out on the fun of having someone special engage with you on a permament basis - if indeed this is what you want!.....take care...cheers


Amanda Severn profile image

Amanda Severn 7 years ago from UK

A friend of mine met her Mr Right at 70. They were married within 6 months much to the dismay of their nearest and dearest, but as she said, at their ages why wait? Six years on they are still so happy. I hope you don't have to wait til seventy, but I feel sure the right one will come along in time.


ajcor profile image

ajcor 7 years ago from NSW. Australia

lovely story Amanda...


St.James profile image

St.James 7 years ago from Lurking Around Florida

I've been married twice... the first one was only 8 months. Oh, come on it was the 80s and she was a blue jeans model... funny we lived together for 3 years.

The second one we loved each other, but we couldn't just make it work. But its OK, I'm actually much better at being a boyfriend, than a husband. I do enjoy being single... I'm much better at it.


dineane profile image

dineane 7 years ago from North Carolina

I often hear members of my divorce/separated support group say that they were much more lonely when they were married than they are now that they are alone. Kari, I think you will only keep those "walls" as long as you need to. Just the fact that you are looking for a wrecking ball means they are coming down - watch out world! Best of luck to you, and thank you for sharing your story!


Mike the salesman profile image

Mike the salesman 7 years ago from birmingham alabama/sherwood oregon

Kari.. Will you marry me?


k@ri profile image

k@ri 7 years ago from Sunny Southern California Author

ProudMom,  Thanks for all your kind word!  Coming from you they really mean alot. 

The video was too funny!  You are right, I better make sure of which side of the wall I am on!

 

CC-That's why I don't worry...I know when the time and person is right, God will set them in my path.  Thanks!

 

ajcor-Thanks, I may be stronger, but I doubt if I am much wiser!  I agree it is time for me to be more open, to put the hurt behind me.  The support everyone here shows me helps greatly!

 

Amanda--Thanks for the story.  I knew a woman in NM who found her soul mate at the age of 55.  They were so sweet together!  She deserved every happiness she got :)

 

St. James-I think maybe I am like you, not cut out for marriage.  I also enjoy being single...I can watch what I want on tv, eat what I want for dinner, go where I want with whom I want.  Not to mention my problems with commitment!  Thanks for the support!

 

dineane-I was much more lonley when I was married!  I am very happy now.  I have lived much of my life for other people and think it is time to live some of it for myself.  Thanks for your wishes. 

 

Mike-No...Not much of a sales pitch coming from the salesman!  You should really get to know someone before you ask that question :)


mandybeau profile image

mandybeau 7 years ago

This type of thing is mad.

It is abnormal

Frankly if your first doesn't work, and it is your fault and how many people can say that they were totally blameless, unless they have met some monster. Then I believe that the statistics are worse each time.

So once you hit 23 marriages going on to 24, I wouldn't give it a week. These things are often publicity driven. The Actress Elizabeth Taylor, used to be talked about by the older generation, because of her marital history, and that was only around 8 times I think.


k@ri profile image

k@ri 7 years ago from Sunny Southern California Author

mandy-My third lasted much longer than my second, but yes, it is madness. I like CC's comment, "Hello my name is _____ and I'm a ball buster."

I don't know that I'll ever marry again...like St. James, I'm probably better off single! I only know that every time in my life I said "Never" (as in, That would never happen to me...I would never do that, etc) it happened to me or I did it, etc!

I'm not saying I approve of 23 going on 24, but you can look at it this way: Here is someone who truly believes in love (I could say that easier, if her 23rd wasn't for publicity) Oh well, it's a nice thought! :)


LondonGirl profile image

LondonGirl 7 years ago from London

what an open and honest hub!

I've never been married, and may do in the future. Who knows?


k@ri profile image

k@ri 7 years ago from Sunny Southern California Author

LondonGirl-Thanks! Marriage may not have worked out for me, but it does for many, many people. I see how truly wonderful it is when I watch people I know! I am actually a strong believer in the institution (for others).


Elena. profile image

Elena. 7 years ago from Madrid

Open, honest AND very engaging to read! I hope you get to build those bridges, k@ri, or even better, that you get to cross them effortlessly, without noticing :-)


k@ri profile image

k@ri 7 years ago from Sunny Southern California Author

Elena-Thanks! And thanks for the beautiful image you have just given me!!


Hawkesdream profile image

Hawkesdream 7 years ago from Cornwall

hello Kari, wot an amazing feat 23 phew..i am on my second , my first was a right b*****d so i decided that i wasn,t going to look anymore and then there he was..wot a shock i had waking up and realizing i was in love and still am aftr 16 years. you never know wots around the corner so stop looking you never know.


k@ri profile image

k@ri 7 years ago from Sunny Southern California Author

Hawkesdream-Thanks! You are right, never know what's around the corner. Congrats on you 16 and still in love--I love to hear it!!


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine

Man oh man! One could be bitter and say something like, "Marriage is for the birds, and all the birds have migrated." Perseverence is one thing, but I have to ask, are all the marriages with the same kind of men? Is there a pattern developing? If so, you have to ask why you are always going for the same type. If you find out why, then maybe you can stop yourself from falling for the wrong type again! I've only been married once and got divorced after 10 years. But, I found that I was always getting involved with the same type of people who would use and abuse me. After I ended up yet again with a broken heart and getting ripped off financially, I looked at why it always seemed to be happening to me. This led me to do some research and write a book called Fear, Phobias and Frozen Feet. Since then, I have identified why I always seem to go for the same kind of person, and have been able to stand up for myself more and stop myself before going down the same well-worn path again.


k@ri profile image

k@ri 7 years ago from Sunny Southern California Author

cindyvine, If you had read my comments you would have seen I believe greatly in the institution of marriage! Just not for everyone...please see my hub on perseverance if you doubt my sincerity!


Florida Keys profile image

Florida Keys 7 years ago from Jewfish Key Florida

Looks like I have the record on here so far.......5 times. Each divorce I said never again. But then I have to admit I like having someone to share life with. One thing I share with all is that you are each much nicer to each other before the marriage. Marriage breeds familiarity and familiarity breeds discontent. Maybe living together without marrying is the answer? Anyway one of my good friends from High School has lived with her partner for 40 years and seems to have a lot better handle on relationships than I ever did. Good hub.


k@ri profile image

k@ri 7 years ago from Sunny Southern California Author

Florida, (Can I say, I love the Keys!) Have to watch that word "never"! Every time I have said it, I ended up doing what ever I was "never" was going to. This has worked in my life years after I have said the never! I, obviously, cannot give relationship advise. I am glad for your friend, and glad that you do not seem to have lost your hope. You seem to have a positive attitude, which can overcome so much. Thanks for sharing, I think I come in second now!


JamaGenee profile image

JamaGenee 7 years ago from Central Oklahoma

I gave up marriage for Lent one year and then couldn't think of a *good* reason to ever do it again - so I didn't.  I think I'm one of those who are better at being single.  The loneliest years of my life were the years I was "married".  Oddly, the relationship that was the strongest and lasted the longest was with the man I didn't marry.  Can't now - he died 6 years ago (at 52).  A relative in California has been living with the same man for (40?) years.  Took her parents years to get used to the fact that they'd *never* marry, that saying "I do" would be the beginning of the end, not the beginning of a long and happy life together.

But 23 times?  That woman has ISSUES!


k@ri profile image

k@ri 7 years ago from Sunny Southern California Author

JamaGenee, Thanks for the support. It is the love that makes the relationship, not the piece of paper!

I agree, 23 times?! I read the headline and of course my morbid curiosity got the best of me!


Frieda Babbley profile image

Frieda Babbley 7 years ago from Saint Louis, MO

I love this hub kari. Fresh look at this topic, you have a knack for that =). And thank you so much for sharing your experiences; as I have to say for me it would not have been an easy thing to do. We can all find something in this whether we've been through any of it or not. And chances are, if we haven't, we know someone who has. I know each and every one of us us has experienced being alone and being lonely.Important difference between alone and lonely, glad you emphasized that.


ripplemaker profile image

ripplemaker 7 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

Hi K@ri, I am quiet after reading your hub.  I guess I sensed behind the words certain feelings and questions that seek to understand yourself and relationships and so on. And in my silence, I just feel like giving you a warm and tender hug.  I also sensed that God is giving you that hug .  So my comment may be odd but then I will just follow my heart and speak it anyway. Hope it's okay. 

As for me, I've never married, God knows I've wanted to for a long time but I've stopped questioning and started accepting. :-)  Made me feel a whole lot better too.  

Congratulations again for being part of the Hubnuggets...the Golden One this time.  Hey everyone, if you love this hub, vote for it by clicking this link:  http://hubpages.com/community/Golden-HubNugget-Rus...  and promote it to your friends too.  Let them vote as well...  Thanks.

Kari, take care of you... sending you lots of love and light your way.   


LondonGirl profile image

LondonGirl 7 years ago from London

Ripple, do you want to marry in general or marry someone in particular?


k@ri profile image

k@ri 7 years ago from Sunny Southern California Author

Frieda, Thanks so much for the kind words. Yes, it was hard to write...and it's still hard to read. However, I agree, big difference between being alone and lonely!

Ripplemaker, Thanks for your hug, love and light! You a truly wonderful and caring person. You continue to create beautiful ripples of joy in this world! Thanks for sending some my way. {^o^}


ripplemaker profile image

ripplemaker 7 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

Hi London Girl, great question. I wanted to marry in general. And the marrying someone in particular...hmmm... (recalling...thinking...) there were several relationships I've had that I thought was it but something always happened. Maybe I should write a hub about that..."to all the men I've loved before..." LOL

Hi K@ri, and so are you. I noticed you went and supported all the other nominees by making sure you read all their hubs and commented too. That's sweet of you. And you are most welcome to send some to me anytime too. :-)


Teresa McGurk profile image

Teresa McGurk 7 years ago from The Other Bangor

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aJMqHDynnoY

Sorry, I can't think of the word "Maw-widge" without thinking of Peter Cook. . .


GinneyHarris profile image

GinneyHarris 7 years ago

K@ri, Wow - I'm sorry for all you've gone through with men, but at the same time, I also know our experiences make us who we are - and it sounds like you've gotten 2 beautiful children, a career caring for others and probably so much more as a result of these trying times.

I know so many women with stories - while not exactly like this - very similar. It's unfortunate in so many ways. But all we can do is "keep on keepin' on" and hopefully, life will take us where we need to go....partnered or not.

That said - I'm not sure I'd try to walk down that path 23 times - seems like beating a dead horse if you ask me!

Anyway - from one New Mexico gal to another - hugs to you and thank you for sharing such personal moments with us, I know they'll help others who find themselves in similar situations.

PS - Congrats on the well deserved Hubnuggets Nom : )


Rochelle Frank profile image

Rochelle Frank 7 years ago from California Gold Country

Been married once. I was almost twenty years old.


Dottie1 profile image

Dottie1 7 years ago from MA, USA

Thanks for sharing with open heart. Well done and will help many!


k@ri profile image

k@ri 7 years ago from Sunny Southern California Author

Ripplemaker, Here's a hug and wishes of love, light and happiness to you!

Teresa, One of my very favorite movies!! I love that scene.

Ginny, You are right, my experiences have helped to make me who I am. I am very blessed! Thanks and hugs to you too!

Rochelle, You and my mother! Great to hear it. That was my original plan, but I've had to modify it somewhat. I always want to hear the success stories, they remind me of what may someday await me!

Dottie, Thanks! The writing of it has helped me.


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 7 years ago from Southern California, USA

Maybe I sound jaded, but after several relationships that went no where I do not see marriage in my future. On the bright side I am glad that I never was married to any of the guys I dated because I know it would not have worked out anyway. These days my love is for myself and my family and whereas people may think that is sad, I just actually feel better this way. I am not a relationship person I believe.


k@ri profile image

k@ri 7 years ago from Sunny Southern California Author

SweetiePie, Sounds to me like you are doing just fine!! I have a saying...you can't take care of anyone else unless you take care of yourself first. It seems to me that this is what you are doing. At least you never took the dive and drowned like me! I do not think it is sad in the least. Someday you may find what you need, until then be yourself!


RKHenry profile image

RKHenry 7 years ago from Your neighborhood museum

I don't think I could marry someone that has been married 23x's b4. I have an aunt who has been married 9x's. "Three different types of men for her 3 different personalities", my mom says.

I like your photos alot.


k@ri profile image

k@ri 7 years ago from Sunny Southern California Author

RKHenry, Thanks...I don't think I could marry anyone who had married 23 times myself! Or 20 for that matter. I doubt even 10. Did she really have 3 personalities??!! Thanks for the comment!


Enelle Lamb profile image

Enelle Lamb 7 years ago from Canada's 'California'

Having been down (and still travelling) pathways similar to yours, I can appreciate the feelings behind your words. It isn't always easy to express those feelings, or to review the pain the words elicit from your soul. I hope that both of these things have helped to ease and give you a measure of comfort.

And as for the 23 time bride...I guess she likes ceremonies! LOL


k@ri profile image

k@ri 7 years ago from Sunny Southern California Author

Enelle, Thanks! It was difficult to write, but putting it to words has helped.

You may be right about the ceremonies! LOL


diggersstory profile image

diggersstory 7 years ago from #1 Tourist Trap O Town USA

(gentle hugs) for you kind person. Your spirit is very powerful. I have been hurt many times and find you brave to be able to speak out like this. Bless you for your walk>your example. Bless you 7 fold! THUMBS up and thank you for taking the time to stop by an visit me. o(^-^)o I can't tell you how much it means to me.


k@ri profile image

k@ri 7 years ago from Sunny Southern California Author

diggersstory, Thanks for you hugs and kind words! I loved your hub on attitude! You're right, it is a choice.


Emperor 7 years ago

Hm, this makes me laugh :) Youuuu its quite sad, but on the other hand how could you go with a man knowing he is not going to work? You did well, this makes me wonder how come your second and third were that bad? And why you didn't finish early when you felt something is wrong??? You must had that feeling anyway. Really it makes me laugh cynically. Surelly it was a hard time, but ist not your fault that you kinda spoild them? You should told them from the very beggining. I know it is easy to say, specially if he says blahblahblah, but with people you must be tough. Just wondering wether you are religious or not. At least you have had a very good job - Nurse, so that was your BIG plus. You could move very easy, which many out there are having small difficulty to move. Btw I really liked this story despite being a little cynic, but it made me smile, really. It was a good story.


k@ri profile image

k@ri 7 years ago from Sunny Southern California Author

Emperor, I'm glad it makes you laugh. It makes me laugh sometimes. How can a person be so foolish!? And why is it me?! I consider myself level headed and (most of the time) in control...how did this happen? I do not have the answers to those questions, hopefully one day I will. I do think part of it is that I did spoil them. I am an awful nag...just can't get up the energy to do it.

Thanks for the comment. It made me laugh!


Tom Koecke profile image

Tom Koecke 7 years ago from Tacoma, Washington

I was married once for ten years, though we split after seven. I thought I would never divorce, but was happy we did when it happened. I got custody of our daughters, and learned more about ponytails and periods than a bald guy should ever know. My issue with relationships after marriage had to do with putting anyone else ahead of my children, or, perhaps, them not wanting to be only as important as my children.

I've been alone, lonely, in love, out of love, and about everywhere in between since then. I've concluded that the secret to a lasting relationship is not breaking up, much the same as the secret to a long life is not dying young.

If I had three thousand mile arms, I'd give you a hug after reading this.


k@ri profile image

k@ri 7 years ago from Sunny Southern California Author

Tom, I understand about not wanting anyone to come before the children...this is one of the things that holds me back also. Thanks for the hug and here is one back!


SEM Pro profile image

SEM Pro 7 years ago from North America

While you're on a roll of hugs k@ri - here is one from me too. Writing can be therapeutic and I'm glad so many responded to offer you support. Having experienced much of the same as you, a couple of things that helped me 1- was looking at Carolyn Myss's "Sacred Contracts" - totally out of the box concept that before arriving (born), we make contracts with other souls to help us overcome some of our spiritual issues. A friend used to joke saying that her dad was always on contract by not accepting her - thus, she learned to accept herself without needing the approval of a man.

2 - At one point, I realized I didn't know what a good relationship looked like so I attracted a few couples into my life - inspiring, beautiful, they were one and synergized completely, always caring of one another etc. I feel I've become the type of person capable of a good relationship but more importantly, no longer feel the need to find that all encompassing Cinderella story. I now have a great relationship with me where loneliness isn't a factor. "Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" they say. I don't regret those learning experiences - maybe they were indeed "on contract". Sounds as though you too have worked through some deep seated issues.

As a mom, I feel love that is unconditional and will never die and therefore am extremely blessed in this lifetime. Sounds like you are too.

And last... and least - I don't believe marrying 23 times is looking for love. I like the joke about the ceremonies but when it comes right down to it, how can anyone break their own word that many times and still say it with a straight face?


k@ri profile image

k@ri 7 years ago from Sunny Southern California Author

SEM Pro, Thanks for the hugs and consider yourself hugged in return! That book looks very interesting, I'll have to see if I can find a copy. I will agree, I am extremely blessed!

When I found the story about a woman marrying 23 times I couldn't believe it...then read she is looking for another! Maybe she wants to do a movie?! After that many times, I agree, how could you ever say the vows without at least a little giggle? Worse yet, imagine being invited to all those weddings. I would probably LOL during the ceremony!


jdove-miller 7 years ago

Good luck with taking down those walls. What I know for sure is that those walls that lock others out also lock you within. Imagine the joy that is just beyond your reach.


k@ri profile image

k@ri 7 years ago from Sunny Southern California Author

jdove, They do. The funny thing is I have been writing some hubs that have me coming to some important realizations about myself...who would have thought that I could live this way for years and it took writing about how I feel to help me learn the truth? I am beginning to understand that I may be addictive about relationships...LOL, still learning so much about myself. Thanks for the comment!


lxxy profile image

lxxy 7 years ago from Beneath, Between, Beyond

It..it angers me..to see such..useless men.

They know not of family, of love, of being part of a whole..because they themselves were never whole.


k@ri profile image

k@ri 7 years ago from Sunny Southern California Author

lxxy, Thank you. No they were never whole, but then I don't think I was either. I feel as if I am whole now. I have come to understand many things about myself and I think I could now understand that I need to keep away from this type of man. I have found something much better lately. :D


anglnflt4ua profile image

anglnflt4ua 7 years ago from Bay Area, CA

Having similar experience, I can relate but have healed. Great read!


k@ri profile image

k@ri 7 years ago from Sunny Southern California Author

anginfit4ua, I too have healed. Thanks for reading. :D


Jenna Pope profile image

Jenna Pope 6 years ago from Southern California

Wow, did I ever love your article! I'm on #3. I stayed way, way too long in marriage #2 -- 23 years. Time for you to rebuild, I think. I met my husband on Match.com!


k@ri profile image

k@ri 6 years ago from Sunny Southern California Author

Jenna, Good for you! 23 years is a long time, but sometimes it takes awhile for us to really understand what life is telling us...the important thing is that you listened. I am currently with the "great love" that the anesthesiologist told me I would have later in life. It is amazing what paths life takes us on. :D


saddlerider1 profile image

saddlerider1 6 years ago

I've been married twice no children from the first wife, 4 from the second and she turned 3 of them against me for leaving her, I have not spoke to my oldest for 8 yrs, my second for 4 and my 3 child for 2 The only once she could not turn against me was my 16 yr old son, he remains loyal and is confused why the other 3 are estranged from me. So this woman definitely has issues. MENNNNN stay away from her plzzzzzzzzzzz. Hah..good hub and marriage SUCKS.. staying single to my grave now. I rate this HUB up..but the lady married 23 times DOWN...


jim62367 profile image

jim62367 6 years ago from Nashville, TN

23 Times, is this some sort of sick joke? That either says she is crazy, or is doing something totally wrong and seriously has to fix that first, because odds are she will just do it again. Or she does not take marriage seriously. Any way, there should be a law limiting the amount of times one can marry. There are so many people protesting things such as gay marriage as what is destroying the sanctity of marriage itself. What about things like this, marrying TWENTY-THREE times??? Divorcing TWENTY-THREE times??? This is what destroys the institution of marriage, this and things like reality shows such as "Who wants to marry a millionaire", not things like who is allowed to get married. For those of you are are TRULY interested in protecting the sanctity of marriage, this woman should not be allowed to marry again.


Idoknot profile image

Idoknot 6 years ago

That's 23 Divorce Parties for you!

Divorce Shower Store


k@ri profile image

k@ri 6 years ago from Sunny Southern California Author

saddlerider1, Thanks and I rate a lady down also. Your ex is hurting your children by denying them their father. I'm sorry to hear this. As hard as it is at times, I try to never say bad things about my children's fathers to them. I figure that time will tell the truth, and if they have a problem with it that will be their decision. This is not a decision I am willing to make for my children. Peace and hugs!

jim62367, She does make it into a sick joke, doesn't she?

Idoknot, I wonder how many years it takes to have 23 Divorce Parties?


Texas Lady profile image

Texas Lady 6 years ago from Texas

Well, one way to look at it is, she must have been a pretty special lady if that many men wanted to marry her.


Tulsa Divorce Attorneys 5 years ago

I had a professor during college who had been married three times: the first time was for love, the second time was for sex, and the third time was for money. He said the third time was life long...any comments anyone?


Cousin mike 5 years ago

Hiya Cuz! Oh how people behave! You hafta wonder, what were they thinking when they acted or not acted in causing damage to the relationship? Your first marriage was just like Marilyn's ....her husband would rather party, hang out with his buddies(losers in every sense), and was totally oblivious of what he was losing and the emotional pain he was responsible for causing. she had stood by him through rehab, just to have him go back to his old ways........God bless the strength of women!

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