How To Avoid Romantic Disasters

PERFECT ENDING TO A PERFECT ROMANTIC EVENING: THE LONG, SENSITIVE KISS.
PERFECT ENDING TO A PERFECT ROMANTIC EVENING: THE LONG, SENSITIVE KISS.
DO NOT ENGAGE IN DRAG RACING YOUR CAR WITH YOUR DATE INSIDE IN THE POURING RAIN. A PERFECT WAY TO BRING DISASTER TO YOUR ROMANCE.
DO NOT ENGAGE IN DRAG RACING YOUR CAR WITH YOUR DATE INSIDE IN THE POURING RAIN. A PERFECT WAY TO BRING DISASTER TO YOUR ROMANCE.
CAREFUL, BUDDY. DO NOT SAY THE WRONG THING AFTER THIS ROMANTIC KISS--LIKE SAYING ANOTHER GIRL'S NAME.
CAREFUL, BUDDY. DO NOT SAY THE WRONG THING AFTER THIS ROMANTIC KISS--LIKE SAYING ANOTHER GIRL'S NAME.
HOW MANY GIRLS AND GUYS HAVE DREAMED, AT ONE TIME OR ANOTHER, TO BE LIKE THIS COUPLE?
HOW MANY GIRLS AND GUYS HAVE DREAMED, AT ONE TIME OR ANOTHER, TO BE LIKE THIS COUPLE?
HEARTS ENTWINED. THE ULTIMATE GOAL FOR COUPLES IN LOVE.
HEARTS ENTWINED. THE ULTIMATE GOAL FOR COUPLES IN LOVE.
AHH, YES. THE PROVERBIAL PIANO PLAYER AT A DIMLY-LIT BAR. DON'T FORGET TO TIP.
AHH, YES. THE PROVERBIAL PIANO PLAYER AT A DIMLY-LIT BAR. DON'T FORGET TO TIP.
THE ULTIMATE ROMANTIC GIFT: RED ROSES, COSTLY, BUT WHAT A GREAT WAY TO SAY "LOVE YOU."
THE ULTIMATE ROMANTIC GIFT: RED ROSES, COSTLY, BUT WHAT A GREAT WAY TO SAY "LOVE YOU."
IDEALLY, THIS IS WHAT ALL GUYS THINK ABOUT WHEN THEY ARE WITH OR AWAY FROM THEIR GIRLFRIENDS.
IDEALLY, THIS IS WHAT ALL GUYS THINK ABOUT WHEN THEY ARE WITH OR AWAY FROM THEIR GIRLFRIENDS.

Turn Disaster To Darling, I Love You By Memorizing This Story. . .

Yeah, I'm that guy. The guy who thinks, or used to think, that I was an attractive man when it came to dating the girls in my hometown. Nothing could be further from the truth. But to find out just how foolish, gullible, and down-right ignorant I was in the field of romance, it took several 'trainwrecks,' dates that went south; break-ups before I even picked up my date and numerous, "don't call me again. I mean it's," to open my eyes that I might be just a tad stupid--doing things backwards to get dates with pretty and available girls. Not married women. I did have some moral balance.

Now that I'm older, emotionally-bruised, scarred in my soul, and many times depressed at the 'what could have been's,' I find myself wanting to give my hard-earned knowledge, that I personally field-tested (and didn't know it at the time), to pass along to you men who are not that successful in getting dates with girls. Admit it. You are not John "Vinnie" Travolta in Saturday Night Fever. I wasn't either. I wasn't even close to Henry "The Fonz" Winkler, "Heyyyy, I was a loser, a wash-out, and a black eye on the face of dating."

After many years of being 'in the pity pit,' I pulled myself together one day, poured myself a cup of delicious Community coffee, sat down at my PC and wrote this self-help story that is FREE, absolutely FREE to any and all men, young and old alike, who would like to have their share of warm, soft, and friendly female companionship, but their past romantic disasters have kept them back on the sidelines. This is not right, guys. Be like me now. Confident, sure of myself, and full of vim and vigor. I may be boasting, but I can walk up to any woman of any walk in life--celebrity, common woman, singer and talk up a storm. And these women will actually listen to me. I know what do say and more importantly, I know what NOT to do in the romance game. Just a fact for you here. The WHAT NOT to do is more important than the WHAT TO DO in any date.

All you have to do, men, is think of what NOT to do on your date, if she agrees to go out with you, and it's smooth sailing for the rest of the evening. But this successful romance venture doesn't come that easy, and I apologize for possibly misleading you into believing that it was, it takes some work on your part. You have to be able to remember the advice in this story--not necessarily word-for-word, although that would flatter me, you just have to grasp the general idea things NOT TO DO or say to your girl of the moment.

DO NOT SAY: when you first meet her, "Yeah, I'm the guy you been looking for!" If you were this girl, what would you think? Seeing you there fresh after work--your Aaron's Rental Center uniform dirty and wrinkled from loading televisions and refrigerators. If you were the girl you have just approached like this, you would be long-gone. Remember this, guys.

DO NOT SAY: "Got any money--for dinner tonight?" When you arrive at her apartment. Talk about getting the door slammed in your face. You had better stand way clear if you are dumb enough to say something like this. Listen, guys. You are not a hobo. You are a decent, hard-working American single guy who loves to date women. Just get a hold of your affliction of not thinking before you speak.

DO NOT SAY: when you two arrive at the restaurant that you, somehow had the sense, to let her choose, "You get a table. I got to visit the 'john'!" If your date has any self-respect and foresight, she will let you get out of sight, then hit the bricks calling for a cab.

DO NOT DO: when you are seated at the table in this fine restaurant, check your fly, tuck your shirt back into your pants, smack your lips and gaze at your date. Now, to be honest with you, there are SOME girls who find this very attractive, but these girls' numbers are so small, that you couldn't find one if tried for the rest of your life. Personal appearance needs to be secured at home, not at a table in a restaurant with hundreds of diners watching you.

DO NOT: clear your throat. At all. Let your throat scratch to kingdom come. You are with a beautiful girl. And very lucky that she agreed to go out with you, so to keep your romantic evening alive, drink a few sips of water to clear up that scratchy throat. It's a sure train wreck if you continually sound like a dog with a bone hung in its throat.

DO NOT: ask you date sensitive, too-personal questions like, "Do you work or just loaf?" "Have you seen your gynecologist lately?" And "How much money is in your checking account?" The girl who once remotely thought you were nice, now suddenly KNOWS that you are a jerk. A dunce. And a man who has NO respect for anyone. Including her.

'tis far better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all." - William Shakespear

Men, this old saying, I hate to dispute Bill, but this sagely-statement is dead-wrong. Now what normal man feels it was better to lose a pretty girl that he loved passionately, then lost her to suffer depression, heartache and physical illness? Not a one is my wager.

Romance is for winners. Not for self-loathing, doubting, losers like you used to be before you sunk your teeth into this dynamite of a story that will, if you let it, propel you from the bottom rung on the ladder of rich romance to the top step--holding any beauty in your arms. At will. Any time you like. Thanks to the things you are reading and committing to memory from this story.

DO NOT: fall asleep on the way, or at the restaurant where you and your date will dine and even at the movie that you promised to let her see. Sleeping during a date speaks loudly to any girl, "I do not care for giving you attention. I need some sleep." It really doesn't matter, at all, how hard you have worked during the day or week. She is the focus of your attention. Your only concern is her. You have to power though this, buddy if you want to date her again. Oh, and do NOT con her into shopping for mattresses that are on sale--giving you an excuse to lay down to test the mattress. This is a cheap, low-down, scoundrel's way of doing things. Remember if you snooze, you WILL lose.

DO NOT: be in a hurry. Do not make your pretty date think that you are on deadline. Take your time. Talk, walk in the park, sit on the park bench, feed the pigeons, laugh at the children playing kick-ball . . .anything to just stretch out the time with her. Preferably, these special things should be enjoyed during daylight hours, not darkness, for she really doesn't know you that well and when she sees you sitting on a park bench in total darkness--laughing at children playing kick-ball who are not there; feeding imaginary pigeons, well, do I have to spell it out for you? You have purchased a first-class ticket on the "train wreck romance express."

DO NOT: and I beg you, guys, be a "wind bag" with your date. Be you. No one else. Most losers, like you used to be (before reading this story), are just somehow prone to make-up impressive job titles--CEO's, District Manager, Production Supervisor and such, to impress a girl on their first date. Listen, you might be jobless, but be honest. She will appreciate your candor. And do not tell her blanten lies that you are Harrison Ford's first-cousin and he, Ford, said you could bring her to his country home anytime you liked. Please, guys. No matter how much pride you have. Swallow, stomp it, burn it, and rid yourself of it. Pride is deadly. And you cannot afford, at this stage of the romance game, to blow it again with this agreeable, willing girl. Soon, word will get around that you are nothing more than a phony; a sham; a lying, shiftless shell of a man. Do the noble thing. Be honest with this and what dates you might get in the future.

Okay, guys. The ball is in your court. I have done all I can do to teach you the things TO DO and NOT TO DO in getting and keeping your date in a romantic mood.

"Will this work for me?" you are now asking. Well, all I can say is,

My NINE romantic, successful dates speak for themselves.





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Comments 18 comments

katyzzz profile image

katyzzz 5 years ago from Sydney, Australia

WOW, a lot of guys need to read this one, well done. and thank you so much for my fan mail, Ken


Lucky Cats profile image

Lucky Cats 5 years ago from The beautiful Napa Valley, California

Hi there, Kenneth! This is ABSOLUTELY hilarious! I love it! LOL in the public library, at present. Yikes!! Hey, is it even fair that we women are privy to this inside info? 'cuz, now...well, we KNOW what to look for, the 'missteps,' 'foibles,' 'goof-ups,' and more. I love the urging to be honest and be oneself...no truer or nobler advice has been given..and, coming from a single woman's point of view, well....you've hit the proverbial nail on the head....we like honest men..even if they 'trip up' and feel silly...believe me, women feel the same way. If we're being honest! Great hub, Kenneth Avery. UP Useful (for women, too), Awesome, FUNNY and Interesting!!!


kenneth avery 5 years ago

Hi,Lucky Cats, again, with HONEST SINCERITY, THANK YOU SO MUCH for the encouraging comments on this hub. I know all about these guys who are now former friends. They lied like all get out to get girls only to leave them in a day or so. I hated that in these guys. I vowed to never be such a man as this. And I give my "treasured" advice FREELY--for if I can help ONE misguided man, my work is finished. Thank YOU so much, again, Lucky Cats.


kenneth avery 5 years ago

Dear katyzzz . . .A sincere thank you also for your comment on this hub. Comments from more-talented hubbers such as you and Lucky Cats, make me want to write more and more. IF I never get as good as to be up in your level, or Lucky Cat's level of writing, I will be content to just know that I did try. Thanks so very much.


poetvix profile image

poetvix 5 years ago from Gone from Texas but still in the south. Surrounded by God's country.

This was very entertaining. I totally enjoyed the read and I thank you for it.


kenneth avery 5 years ago

Hi, poetvix, THANK YOU A LOT, for this comment. I live for sincerity. And you can bet that I am sincere when I say THANK YOU. I look forward to hearing from you. Bless you for your time and warm words.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS

I think this is intended both as a humorous and a practical piece. Right? It succeeds at both, in any case.

I suppose every gal's dream guy is someone who PERCEIVES her as a person, is aware of and sensitive to her preferences enough to want to please and not to offend. That pretty well describes a guy who is real and, hopefully, doesn't have to TRY TOO HARD to be pleasant, because he really IS a genuinely pleasant person.

But, of course, if a guy has never even gotten a chance to become such a guy because of lack of confidence to approach girls and learn to recognize their likes and dislikes and then, when he gets a chance, maybe it's being awkward out of being non-confident, causing him to goof it up, well - that must be a vicious circle for a guy. And maybe for a girl, but at least girls get to be the ones who accept rather than always having to initiate a date! There is advantage in that!

But as Lucky Cats said, we gals have our own insecurities and so being around quietly confident guys is helpful. Nothing is worse than either an apologetic guy who can't be assured he's OK or a braggart who thinks (or tries to claim) he's 'god's gift' , infallible and makes it known that any woman's lucky if he rewards her with his presence. The first guy may become her buddy and the second's presence will be dispensed with quickly, at least if she's over 12 years old and past the hero worship stage. She'll gladly just wait for a REAL guy to ask her out.

It's nice if a guy has something to say and a pleasant way of saying it, so those awkward moments when no one speaks are fewer and less ominous I was so shy when I began dating - (and unaccustomed to hearing my own voice a lot) - that I actually started singing "Oh, a little Dutch boy and a little Dutch girl sat dreaming on a hill . . . . . . " just to break the scary thick silence! True story! No telling what he thought I was suggesting. But I wasn't! I was just out of my element and it was simply the first ditty that popped into my panicky head since I surely didn't have a line of chatter at my command!

Dating is not easy for anyone when it's not the accustomed challenge. Eventually we get so we're not intimidated no matter what or who we are with, but that's just seldom so when one is really at an early dating stage! (or a prolonged awkward dating stage! :-)

So - your advice is both sensible and contains the principles of courtesy and being aware of ones' own foibles enough to tame them in a dating situation - besides being a good laugh! It reminds us all of those awkward times.

But always - sincere kindness & consideration for the feelings of others will win in any situation. Good work, Kenneth!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear Nellieanna, Wow! That is the most in-depth and thorough analysis of any of my hubs yet. THANK YOU VERY MUCH! And you hit it on the head...was trying to mask a serious dilemma that inflicts guys with a hint of humor. You are very perceptive. Loved your Dutch boy story. And your warm compliment. You, LuckyCats, katyzzz, and poetvix, are not only VERY TALENTED writers, but great people as well. I mean that.


Sueswan 5 years ago

Hi Kenneth,

I once told a guy that I was dating that women are not hard to please.

Make them feel like they are the only one even if they are not.

Voted up, up and away.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS

Ah - well, I think we gals here all are more empathetic with a guy's predicament in the whole scene of relating to the other gender than might be expected. I know I try to put myself in the other persons' shoes enough to see how it must be for them from their vantage point. I have to admit that there are some - um - female people walking around who are a bit hard to please! So thats a special challenge, too!

I guess you've probably heard the one that says: "A woman goes into marriage thinking he'll change but he never does. A man goes into it thinking she will never change but she does!" - Both statements say a lot and explain a lot of the difficulties in marriages! haha - And both those people are overly optimistic and slightly delusional to think that way! (wink, wink)

Oh - yes - what Sueswan just said it so true too. In fact, some of the most wonderful people I've ever known had that uncanny ability to make one feel like the only person in the room when talking to you, even if there were a crowd vying for their attention. It's an irresistible quality and charm. I had the privilege to know first-hand that Mary Kay Ash was such a person.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear Sueswan, Thank YOU so very much for your helpful advice. I really mean it. And can use it too. You are so right in your statement, and I HAVE followed this advice as to make the girl I was with feel as if she were the only one I was with, but she constantly talked about "her" ex-boyfriends, and current boyfriends to such lengths, that I was GLAD to let her out when I got her home. I cannot recall ONE thing she asked about me in our date. Life goes on even if it's without oars. Thanks again!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear Nellieanna, your analogy of marriage is dead-on. In my marriage, "I" was the one who was told to change...leave this friend (buddies), or that friend...stop this, do that...I have also found out that when we LET people do the changing of us, we have lost the power and will to just be 'us.' But you are so right. And I appreciate YOU and Sueswan, for hanging in here with me. I need you two to guide me through this maze called writing. It can get tricky sometimes. Thanks to you both.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS

Far be it from me to even think of changing your writing but if by "maze" you refer to any of the ins and outs of the setup here, if I can help in any way, I'd be happy to!

You're so right that allowing others to determine who you are and how you express it, at best, dilutes or, in extremes, loses your own power.

I had half a lifetime to learn about that. It was complicated. But of course, we always do 'allow' it. "They" can't achieve dominance otherwise.

That turns out to be a good thing to face up to, though. It means that we're not helpless victims at all, we actually have the responsibility for the results & for staying intact; therefore, we have both the obligation and the authority to upright the wrong & fix it.

I think sometimes we actually have asked for it, in fact. We may be so obliging & willing to get along that we give off vibes that we prefer to be managed and commandeered. Otherwise, it would be accepted that we're another whole person deserving all that goes with it. But if we seem to need managing or open to it, maybe the other person sees it as performing a charitable thing! I'm sure my eldest sister thought that! And that conditioned me to allow it in my first marriage, as it worked out. :-)

Anyway, being one's own person is not a privilege or even a right. It is a solemn duty. If not oneself, who? We're not here alive to twiddle our thumbs! We have ourselves to manage! The most we can try to be otherwise is an inferior reflection of someone else. That won't hold up in life's court. Also allowing that someone to think they must spend time trying to 'fix' or change us is taking valuable energy from that person's duty to be all he or she is!

We can certainly be cooperative but there must be no doubt where our territory begins and theirs ends. That can be made clear by firmly taking charge of oneself and being in one's own driver's seat. After the first surprise and shock - it should prove to be better for all concerned! If the person is or has become a bonafide control freak - then it might not be accepted gracefully. But there really is no other valid choice but to assert one's being without waffling and leaving room for doubt or misinterpretation. It's both kind and honorable.

:-)


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

DEAR NELLIEANNA . . .Wow! That has to be, one of THE deepest, wisest and most-insightful analogies I have ever been given. I have to agree with your comment 100%. And, not adding to or taking from your wisdom, personally, I live with this fear, among other fears, that someday I will have given so much of "me" away through changes imposed on me by certain people in my life, that I will NOT have anything, one one fiber of "me" left to remind me of me...does that make sense? I sure hope so. I am in awe of YOUR wisdom, Nellieanna. And very thankful for you being my friend and very-talented hub writer. Honest.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS

Thank you, sweetie.

The fact is that I've experienced the near-loss of "me", Kenneth, and the fear that I was already losing me or would do so.

In fact, a great deal of my poetry was penned for a repository for "me" where I could return to be sure "I" still existed. That's no exaggeration. It was my only reason for writing it.

I wrote profusely and reread it just as much. I seldom wrote of the bad stuff - there was plenty of that in the "real life"! I wasn't looking for dumping it or giving myself comfort. I just had to have a way to really exist within a situation which was vehemently preventing that and attempting to annihilate "me" for another's complicated agenda. But often it's not deliberate when someone gets put down or 'undone' by others. It may be a combination of one's own uncertainty and the other's different kind of uncertainty.

But I literally had to pull from myself the REAL me which was opposite of everything that the bad stuff was. So I didn't give it additional power by writing about it and very seldom did I write a downer unless it was an honest expression of part of myself. Then it was what I honestly felt, not a RE-action & I recorded that too. So even re-reading those was useful - because it was AUTHENTICALLY ME. As I began to see me smiling back from my stuff, or reflecting some real thought, feeling or even a higher consciousness, I knew I couldn't and wouldn't be destroyed, even though I continued to behave in a subdued way, because of a more important need.

Don't ever think your fibers can be squelched. The less you allow it, the better. Firmly be yourself to yourself. It will rise up.

The good news is that the bottom line turns out to be that oneself IS and stays "in there" no matter how others try to change it, or - worse- even when we tacitly allow them to try to.

But it's the only person we CAN really be. Maybe actors can 'don' another persona but if we try to in our lives, we fool no one, least of all ourselves.

So don't worry about losing it. Know that you can't. Focus on the quality of your being, how free it is to express itself and grow. That is more at issue. How? First, give yourself the green light to just 'be' and then reward yourself for it. You'll know how as soon as you climb into your own driver's seat. Nothing difficult about it. And as you feel it, you'll find yourself validating others and those who may have sought to change you will blossom in your positive recognition of both yourself and them.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear Nellieanna, thanks for your insightful comment in which you bring up some great points that I will surely remember. YOu are so good for my confidence. I will not soon forget these good deeds either.


nikipa profile image

nikipa 5 years ago from Eastern Europe

So much useful for guys and so nicely written!

Thank you Kenneth!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear nikipa, THANK YOU, AGAIN, for YOUR comments that mean so much to this new hubwriter. And my lack of expertise shows so much, but thanks to your comments that give me confidence, I am still going to do my BEST. Thanks again and your GOOD DEED will NOT be overlooked by me. I promise.

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