How To Be Just Like a Royal

How to be just like a royal
How to be just like a royal | Source

If the recent gala featuring Wills and Kate has you hankering for a crown or some pomp and circumstance of your own, here’s how you can be just like a royal:

Adorn your signature with a half dozen hyphens and seven different surnames.

Blow your annual budget on a bash for 600 near-friends and acquaintances.

Practice walking stiffly about with a saber hanging from your hip.

Decorate your convertible with crepe paper, then drive VERY slowly round about your neighborhood, nodding and waving at strangers.

Be photogenic.

Restrict all your conversation to pleasantries and platitudes.

Hand out currency with Gran’s picture on it.

Take your significant other onto a balcony at mid-day for two brief, chaste kisses.

Hand out coloring pages of your likeness for local schoolchildren to create personal keepsakes.

Become a huge fan of the Aston Villa Football Club.

Find an 850-year-old church for your next family do.

Parade your kid brother past throngs of swooning teens and twenty-somethings.

Get in the habit of appending ‘HRH’ to the front of your name.

Pluck the most garish outfit out of your closet and wear it proudly around the neighborhood.

Fill your day-timer with public appearances, photo ops, state dinners, award ceremonies and a whole lot of not much else.

Get down on one knee whenever you want to ask your Grandmum anything.

Start balding before you are 30. (I did.)

Invite Elton, David and Victoria over to the house some Friday.

Have total strangers take 17,493 photos of you and 26,513 of your spouse.

Ask the government to finance your next big party.

Make a dress using no less than 120 yards of fabric, incorporating the images of flowers from no less than six countries.

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Comments 6 comments

JamaGenee profile image

JamaGenee 4 years ago from Central Oklahoma

Rick, not to quibble, but Westminster Abbey is closer to a THOUSAND years old than 850. (On this side of the Pond, one would be hard-pressed to find a church over a hundred years old for the clan to gather in...) And royals don't use a day-timer, they keep track of ribbon-cuttings and dinners with Grandmum in a DIARY.

But I DO love the idea of driving VERY slowly around the 'hood in a convertible, waving and nodding at strangers. (My otherwise-adult son doesn't even require a convertible. He'll wave and nod at total strangers in a parking lot...or at a stoplight...or when traffic is backed up because of construction.)

Voted UP, funny and awesome! ;D

rickzimmerman profile image

rickzimmerman 4 years ago from Northeast Ohio Author

Thanks for the interest + vote, JG! (btw - though an abbey supposedly existed on the Westminster site back into the 600s or so, I was referring to its consecration as a cathedral in 1065. Surprisingly, according to the NYTimes, there was supposedly an early American church established in Jamestown by about 1608).

JamaGenee profile image

JamaGenee 4 years ago from Central Oklahoma

Okay, I won't quibble about a hundred+ years one way or the other. All I know from attending a regular Sunday service at Westminster Abbey, it *felt* like it was a thousand years years old.

The church at Jamestown (if it still exists) would be a rare example of an "old" church in the U.S., what with our penchant for tearing down such buildings after only 50 or 60 years. Perhaps that's why I love visiting English churches, for the centuries of history one feels while inside them. ;D

rickzimmerman profile image

rickzimmerman 4 years ago from Northeast Ohio Author

Yup, Jama, we certainly have a disposable culture in the U.S. You'd love some of the great old churches I've had the fortunate opportunity to enter: Milan's central Cathedral, Notre Dame in Paris, St. Peter's in Rome, and perhaps the absolute funkiest of them all, Antoni Gaudi's riotously eclectic La Sagrada Familia in Barcelona (which won't be completed until some time in 2026 — perhaps).

JamaGenee profile image

JamaGenee 4 years ago from Central Oklahoma

And people wonder why Americans flock to churches and cathedrals in foreign countries... La Sagrada Familia IS absolutely funky! Will be QUITE interesting when it's finished! ;D

rickzimmerman profile image

rickzimmerman 4 years ago from Northeast Ohio Author

Well, JG, as an architect married to an architect, I guess I've got an excuse. For millennia, the only commissions for architects were palaces, tombs and churches, so if one travels much of the world, those are mostly what remains of the greatest architects' work. :)

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