How To Be Just Like a Royal
If the recent gala featuring Wills and Kate has you hankering for a crown or some pomp and circumstance of your own, here’s how you can be just like a royal:
Adorn your signature with a half dozen hyphens and seven different surnames.
Blow your annual budget on a bash for 600 near-friends and acquaintances.
Practice walking stiffly about with a saber hanging from your hip.
Decorate your convertible with crepe paper, then drive VERY slowly round about your neighborhood, nodding and waving at strangers.
Restrict all your conversation to pleasantries and platitudes.
Hand out currency with Gran’s picture on it.
Take your significant other onto a balcony at mid-day for two brief, chaste kisses.
Hand out coloring pages of your likeness for local schoolchildren to create personal keepsakes.
Become a huge fan of the Aston Villa Football Club.
Find an 850-year-old church for your next family do.
Parade your kid brother past throngs of swooning teens and twenty-somethings.
Get in the habit of appending ‘HRH’ to the front of your name.
Pluck the most garish outfit out of your closet and wear it proudly around the neighborhood.
Fill your day-timer with public appearances, photo ops, state dinners, award ceremonies and a whole lot of not much else.
Get down on one knee whenever you want to ask your Grandmum anything.
Start balding before you are 30. (I did.)
Invite Elton, David and Victoria over to the house some Friday.
Have total strangers take 17,493 photos of you and 26,513 of your spouse.
Ask the government to finance your next big party.
Make a dress using no less than 120 yards of fabric, incorporating the images of flowers from no less than six countries.
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