How To Handle A Womanizer
You know the guy. The charm is always on, the look is always well lubricated and ready to shmooze, the woman-radar always turned up to ten. You can see him, his head turning to check out the new female coming into range, his nostrils flaring for her scent, his ears pricked to track her footsteps. There he is, coming on to your friend, your sister, your daughter. Assuming you don't live in a part of the world where you could shoot him, stone him, or have him beheaded, what do you do?
Here are some ideas.
- Enlist some of your male friends who are unknown to the womanizer's prey to pose as the womanizer's gang. Have them say their loud hellos and ask him to make sure he brings the pretty young thing over later - so they can all have a go.
- Get one or more of your very pregnant friends to loudly confront and accuse him of being the father.
- Have a very attractive female friend lure the womanizer away from his prey, into a place where her husband (who is a Police Officer, Army Ranger, Marine, martial arts instructor, whatever) can observe him go just a little too far.
- Bribe several little kids to run up to him, jump up on his lap, and yell, "Daddy, daddy! Why did you run away?"
- Offer to buy him a drink. Whatever he asks for, give him one part gin, one part scotch, one part rum, and three parts vodka. Spike it with lemon juice and ground habereno pepper. Stay out of spewing range.
- Put crazy glue in his hair gel.
- When he goes to the bathroom, screw the door shut in 95 places with a cordless screw gun. Tell the victim you saw him leave and get her the hell out of there.
- Tell him in front of his prey that an attorney has hired you to get a DNA sample for a paternity suit recently filed against him.
- When away from the victim, explain that his target is underage and the cops are watching. Use this only if the ruse is plausible or the womanizer really, really dumb.
- Intimate to the womanizer during a private moment that his potential prey is the daughter of a mob boss.
- Tell the womanizer that your friend, Paula, used to be Paul, although it may not work because some guys don't care, or worse, are intrigued. Better yet, tell him her real name is Paul, and he's just dressed up for a little fun - but he likes to give much better than he likes to get.
- In the womanizer's presence, ask his prey, pointedly, "So, are you over that little rash yet?" or even better, "Crabs all gone now?"
- Casually thrust a sprig of poison ivy down his pants. Wear Latex gloves - for two reasons.
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