How To Know That You Aren't Welcome

"MR. PH.D," IS ONE PERSON

a less-educated person should never talk to unless they want to be embarrassed.
a less-educated person should never talk to unless they want to be embarrassed.

These are people with Super-High IQ's and average guys, like me, aren't in their league

"Okay, kids. Tomorrow an easy quiz on, "Early Man and His Cell Counts."
"Okay, kids. Tomorrow an easy quiz on, "Early Man and His Cell Counts."
Oops, photo is sideways, but this professor is so smart, that he doesn't mind.
Oops, photo is sideways, but this professor is so smart, that he doesn't mind.
This girl is obviously a heavy-thinker.
This girl is obviously a heavy-thinker.
See this look? Only a man with an IQ of 355, can look this way.
See this look? Only a man with an IQ of 355, can look this way.
Men with super-high IQ's love to lecture people such as myself, who are below average.
Men with super-high IQ's love to lecture people such as myself, who are below average.
She has a Ph.D, in Bio-Medical Research, and a Master's Degree in Astronomy Studies.
She has a Ph.D, in Bio-Medical Research, and a Master's Degree in Astronomy Studies.
Lady genius is also well-liked by students.
Lady genius is also well-liked by students.
Calculus instructor.
Calculus instructor.
Literature professor.
Literature professor.
Physics professor.
Physics professor.
Math wizard.
Math wizard.
Group of genius guys.
Group of genius guys.

Your occasional friend and coworker, "Larry," walks up to you one day in the office and says, "hey, guy. Need ya' to go with me to this company appreciation dinner, or something, tonight. Got an extra ticket, so I'll wheel by your place about eight and get ya."


At first, you are shocked because "Larry," has never spoken to you in a friendly way. Only abusive tones due to him being your assistant office manager and he really doesn't appreciate where you attended college, Brown University.


"Okay, "Larry," uhhh, thanks. I appreciate that," you say and actually mean it. From that moment on, (10 a.m.), until you leave at five, you are so pumped about going to a company-related to-do that you can hardly contain your glee. You even sing under your voice, "who's headin' to a com-pany din-ner? This guy . . .this guy!" A janitor overhears you in the men's room, but he's the type to just mind his own business. Hey, he wouldn't have cared if you had stripped-down naked and danced a jig while you sang your off-key dittie.


At home, your lovely wife, "Barb," is also excited at you going with "Larry," to this company appreciation dinner, for in your 12 years at the firm, this is the "first time anyone has ever taken a shine to you and included you in the company "inner-circle," and secretly, "Barb," has lusted for "Larry," for years due to his athletic, quarterback physique that he kept all of the years since he graduated from Yale.

Sometimes you suspect that "Barb," likes "Larry," for during conversation at dinner and you mention his name, her eyes light-up so much that motorists on a foggy night can just follow her eyes to safety. But you are not a troublemaker. And keep quiet.


On the way to this company gig, you and "Larry," enjoy a bit of guy talk. Topics such as: how the girl in the research department always dresses so provokatively. "Larry," summizes that she and "Don," the assistant to the company vice-president are having "a thing." You both laugh as you near the civic center where this dinner is being held. "Larry," hands you his silver flask and says, "bottoms up, "Tim," and you don't argue. But you do choke for a moment for "Larry," has filled his flask with Evan Williams whiskey, the "diesel fuel of liquors."


When you and "Larry," who is taking another swig from his flask, walk into the lavish "events room," you are taken-back by the expense and glitter of it all. "my company spends thousands like this on decorations, food and liquor, and never gives me a raise?" you think to yourself and try to mingle.


Looks like you are a "lone wolf," on-your-own. By yourself for "Larry," the whiskey-loving pal, is nowhere to be seen, so you continue to walk around the room trying to look cool, attempting to chat with people who halfway look interested in you, and still, you are growing a tad upset. But all in all, "Larry," was good enough to invite you, and burn his own costly gasoline to drive you to this thing, so you act the "team player," and endure this social hardship.


Three hours pass slowly and methodically. As if you were destined, like a theater actor, to make your debut at this party. But the more and more people, alone or in groups ranging from three to four people, you try to converse with, you get frowns, sighs of aggravation, and body language that says, "who is this jerk?" Now you are feeling low, unwanted and displaced.


Guy, didn't you read the signs three hours ago? Didn't you "sense" that there was this "something" about the atmosphere of this get-together as you walked with "Larry," into the civic center? Or were you so carried-away with being asked to attend, that your judgement was blinded by the excitement of the moment?


Oh, how I wish you had read my, "Signs To Know When You Are Not Welcome," and you would be on your way home by now and enjoying a night with your lovely wife, "Barb," who loves it when you talk about "Larry."


1. People, when you walk up to shake hands with them, all turn their backs on you.


2. The servers carrying trays of snacks all pass you by.


3. You can't help but notice that people are gathering in groups, whispering about you and pointing at you as you walk by.


4. Someone with too much to drink, spills his Scotch straight-up on your new suit, on purpose. And grins at his success in humiliating you.


5. Ever so often, various people walk up to you and say, "the exit is that way." Funny, you do not recall asking where the exit was.


6. Someone throws a salami sandwich at you and almost takes your head off. People witnessing this almost hit the floor from laughing so hard.


7. Your boss sees you, walks up you with a smile, and says, "George, it is so great of you to come," and you smile. Then carefully correct him, "but sir, I am "Tim," in accounting," he looks confused. "Tim? There isn't a "Tim" in accounting, and I have a photographic memory. Now who are you, buddy?" he demands as you fumble for words to smooth-over your obvious mistake in coming to this party.


8. Then you feel better when a server with a tray of liquors, walks up to you and says, "your drink need refreshing?" You grin and realize you are accepted. "Yes, it does. Thanks," you say. "the liquor table is over there," the cold-hearted server snaps and walks away from you.


9. "Tim! Hey, "Tim," a voice yells. You almost drop your now-bland drink. A man that you recognize, runs up to you, shakes your hand and says, "you are that dog trainer that the company hired to entertain us later, right?"


10. You try to find "Larry," to get him to take you home, and when you do, he looks at you with an angry look and spews, "just who are you? Can't you see that I am busy with this young lady? Now find someone else to bother!" Now you know for sure that it is definitely time to go home.


11. "where's the nearest phone?" you ask a fashionable-looking woman sipping champagne. She smiles. You feel a spark of hope that someone really knows you. "at the Chevron station about six blocks from here," she replies, snaps her head back and gracefully walks back to the party.


12. If you weren't feeling bad enough, one of the higher-up's tempermental wife, who has brought her purebred poodle, "Peaches," growls at you and bites you on the shin--and you a good thirty yards from her. The poodle's owner proceeds to storm at you, "you either leave, or I am calling security." "But ma'am, I work for this company," you struggle to explain. "no janitor at my husband's company dresses in a suit that cheap," she snaps and now you are cut to the bone


13. You are now "throwing in the towel." You are beaten. Oh, you give it a good try, but something happened. You wore out your welcome that you never even had. You slowly walk to the door and with no ride home, you choose to just walk back home. "police! Police! A thief is getting away," some man yells as you get to the door. The next thing you know you are riding in the back seat of a police cruiser.


But hey, at least the two officers, "Bob," and "Thad," know your name.

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Comments 28 comments

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

Well, Ken....this sure would be a sad situation.......but then again, maybe you're right.....some people simply don't know when they're not wanted........Your list of things to watch out for seem pretty obvious.

Maybe....being oblivious to these barbs is a GOOD thing?? LOL!


Janine Huldie profile image

Janine Huldie 4 years ago from New York, New York

Kenneth, loved this and must say I needed a good laugh on vacation and that is exactly what you gave me. I hope to god I never feel I welcomed somewhere, but you now gave me food for thought on if I ever am to be unwelcomed somewhere how to spot it immediately! Seriously great hub and am sharing and voting up!


910chris profile image

910chris 4 years ago from North Carolina

Good stuff sir!! Now that was a fun read!!


jennzie profile image

jennzie 4 years ago from Lower Bucks County, PA

I feel bad for poor Tim, but that was really funny. Great hub!


Glimmer Twin Fan profile image

Glimmer Twin Fan 4 years ago

Funny as always. Thanks for a good read!


myownlife profile image

myownlife 4 years ago from london

Good hub, interesting.


Trinity M profile image

Trinity M 4 years ago

Great laugh Ken, although I’d hate to be on the receiving end of all that unwanted attention. Thanks for the laugh. Up and funny.


breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 4 years ago

I'm laughing and crying cause I'm laughing all at the same time. Up and funny and awesome too!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, fpherj,

I agree. When I used to be in the workforce, I hated company Christmas parties. The higher-ups would "act" so humble and pat us on the back and during the year drive us like horses. Where are the REAL bosses who are the same day in and day out?

Huh?

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear Janine,

Im with you. Being unwelcomed is the pits. And if I am ever in this situation, I wish that just one person with a heart would tactfully tell me that I am not in this league of people. I would gladly sit down my cocoa and leave.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

@ 910chris . . ."Thank you for saying so." "Glad that you liked this, and visit with me anytime."

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello, jennzie,

Awww, you are so sweet to care about Tim. He made out fine. The officers were school friends of his from way back and they carried him home and arrested Barbara, his lusty wife, for possession of a PlayGirl magazine in front of minors, some neighborhood kids who were playing in the yard.

KARMA.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Thanks . . .Glimmer Twin, for your support. I really need it. In a bad way.

God bless you.

KENNETH


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello, myownlife,

I sincerely thank you for reading this piece. And leaving such a positive comment. I wont forget it.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, Trinity,

me too. That kind of attention is pure torture, but one detail I forgot to mention about Tim, was his ability to endure cold hearted people for he was a member of the debate team in college, where he was the only member with an IQ less than 266. His rich uncle pulled some strings and got him the place on the team.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear breakfastpop,

Let me me sincere for a moment. You have been with me from the beginning of this hub ride. And I want YOU to know how MUCH I appreciate YOU, your terrific friendship, following, and rich comments. You always make me feel good. I mean it. I just hope that one day I can do something good for you.

Kenneth


Angela Blair profile image

Angela Blair 4 years ago from Central Texas

Kenneth -- this is a situation I hadn't thought about in a long time BUT imagine most of us have experienced at one time or another. I always found corporate parties were the pits -- especially if it's a "let's sell make-up" corporate party and the star of the show (the one who sells the most) is the unattractive, rude, self-important "main mingler" in the room. Absolutely loved this Hub -- great work and insight! Best/Sis


Efficient Admin profile image

Efficient Admin 4 years ago from Charlotte, NC

This sounds like a really bad evening. I think by number 3 I would have called a cab and left that place real quick LOL. This was hilarious and I had fun reading it!


ImKarn23 profile image

ImKarn23 4 years ago

omg...thank you for this! laughing is good for abdominal strength...LOL...all i can say is - fuck em all!!! ooooooooooooooo.....i'm guessing i wouldn't be very welcome either, eh?


Debra Emerson 4 years ago

Good Hub!! You always do good.


Sueswan 4 years ago

Hi Kenneth,

Who needs them anyway!

Reminds me of Ricky Nelson's song, "Garden Party"

A tempermental poodle name peaches, ROFL.

Voted up up and away

Have a good day. :)


MsDora profile image

MsDora 4 years ago from The Caribbean

The message came through in the midst of the humor. Very entertaining and meaningful. Thanks for sharing and teaching these reminders.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, Angela . . .and thank YOU for your sweet words. And you are very welcome for the hub. I meant this as mild humor, but in my time in the workforce, I have been to these "theatres of absurdity," where the powerful and important, sneering and smug try to outdo each other to see how low they can put people like yours truly. Some succeeded. Some didn't.

That much I can build on.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hey, Efficient,

I am with you, but why wait until 3 . . .I would have vamoosed the very moment I saw someone's upper lip turned up in a selfish, smug pose. Im sorry. I am not a two-faced man and cannot tolerate those who are.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, ImKarn . . .you may be right. I may be crazy. But it just cant be a lunatic youre looking for. Rock on, Billy J.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Thanks a Million, DEBRA. You are a dear friend. Take care and be good to yourself.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear Susan . . .Rick Nelson's "Garden Party," is dead-on. Wish I had used this as my reference. Rats. But thank you, Susan, for your sweet comments and votes.

Kenneth, (not related to Rick, Dave, Ozzie or Harriet)


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Greetings, MsDora,

thank you kindly for your remarks about this hub. I myself do not attend but two events: My wife's Christmas party with her family and the Christmas with our daughter and her husband and three kids. Thats it. No New Year's drinking sprees. No getting into trouble. Just a quiet night at home.

Kenneth and PS: I am so thankful to lead a boring life.

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