How To Mend A Broken Heart When A Guy Breaks Up With You

Getting Over The Guy Who Rejected You

So you meet a new guy and everything seems wonderful. He is really sweet and soon you both start talking for hours on end. You hang out a couple of times and he tells you things like he can see having a future with you. Then lo and behold, if he pulls the "I am not ready for a relationship" card. He swears up and down you can both be friends and wait for a relationship to grow. However, if you are like me and would rather be dating this man than being his pal, it is time to move on and look for someone who is more worthy of your time. Being just friends with a guy who is not ready to commit is fine, but this article is about how to get over the guy who just does not seem to be ready for a relationship.

Read The Book: He Is Just Not That Into You

I Painted This Heart When I Was In a Romantic Mood.  The Heart Poem is by Moore.
I Painted This Heart When I Was In a Romantic Mood. The Heart Poem is by Moore.

The co-writers Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo use their own advice in writing this no nonsense book. No matter how wonderful, stunning, and smooth your date may be, if he is not asking you out then he is not interested in you. I know because even though I read this book two years ago, I am again re-reading it to fully grasp this message. Recently I started seeing this guy who says things like he could see us getting married tomorrow and how I am the perfect woman. However, there are days when he does not call and others when he calls non-stop. He told me he is not ready for a relationship and wants things to happen naturally. I decided that if he wanted a relationship with me that having known me for five months would have helped him figure it out by now. Greg says:

"An excuse is polite rejection. Men are not afraid of 'ruining the friendship.' " ( He Is Just Not That Into You, pg. 21)

If you are into a guy and are willing to wait around for a friendship to turn into a relationship, then by all means give him all the time in the world. I guess what I have learned at this point is that I am no longer willing to talk to a guy I like, but who does not like me back. I am going boldly forward and looking for someone who wants to ask me out. We all have something wonderful about us, and holding out for a guy who wants to date us is not overly expectant or dramatic.

Time Passed and I Got Over It

I am still single, but now I do not feel bad like I did weeks ago. There are many things we can do to help us get over a broken heart:

1. Do not call, text, email, or contact them in any way, shape, or form:

We need to get these people out of our lives as soon as possible so we can move forward and feel happy and content. Some people may think I sound bitter or unforgiving, but I do not want to be friends with someone who rejected me. I just decided they are not really the type of friend I would want to be with. You have to decide what feels right for you, but I do not want to be friends with someone who would break up with me. They say do not mix business and pleasure, but I also say should not mix relationships and friendships. It is better to keep your friends your friend and your lovers your lovers,which results in less complications in the long run. This is just a suggestion, and everyone must decide for themselves!

2. Get rid of his or her belongings:

Do not keep the belongings of your ex, give them back! Arrange to have a friend give your ex back their belongings so you do not have to have an uncomfortable confrontation. Do not destroy your ex's property, give it back and get some good karma back into your life. Personally I like to get on with positive feeling and not look back.

3. Get rid of their pictures:

Delete the pictures or put them away in a file not to be opened for five years. Yes, I am doing this, it is helping me to move on.

4. Get busy with your own life and do not look back:

Easier said than done, but try your best to always be busy. It will minimize the down time for having memories about your ex. Attend self-help workshops, talk to friends, check self-help books out of the library,which is basically doing anything it takes to move past this horrible point. You will be happier in time, I promise. Best of luck and I hope you find true love soon.

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Comments 35 comments

terenceyap07 profile image

terenceyap07 8 years ago from Singapore

Dear SweetiePie,

Thank you for sharing this advice. I know that this hub will definitely come in handy for those that experience the pain and loss that a break up can bring.

I'll be reading more of your articles in days to come, my friend.

*smiles*


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 8 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

Thanks for the comments terenceyap07, I truly appreciate it.


shella 8 years ago

i am in pain rigth now...and i would try to follow your advice...thanks for this article


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 8 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

Shella,

Take it slow and if the guy blew you off, really consider if you want to be in a relationship like that. Best of luck :).


hubber-2009 profile image

hubber-2009 8 years ago from India

Pray and read scriptures that you think apply to your situation. This way I will do..


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 8 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

Yes praying is good, but I also believe just realizing some relationships do not work for a reason helps us get over it pretty quickly.


Tito 7 years ago

I fell deeply in love with a woman older than me.. WE have a short relationship and I taught I could have a future, but then she rejected me. I felt devastated. This article helped me to deal with my broken heart, especially when the author wrote: "don't be friends with a peson who rejected you" Those words opened my eyes, Thank you!!


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 7 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

Tito,

Glad you found some consolation :).


MissJamieD profile image

MissJamieD 7 years ago from Minnes-O-ta

This is such a great issue, great job addressing it:) I'm new to the single scene after 13 years, and I'm taking the bull by the horns like you are. I will waste not one minute on a man who doesn't treat me like a princess from day one. And Princess (in my own words) does not mean he does everything for me or buys me everything. It simply means that he treats me with kindness and respect. Great hub, hope you're feeling better:)


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 7 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

Hi Jamie,

I think your are doing the right thing about holding out for someone that treats you right. In all honesty I have seen many women close to me that stayed with men that used to ignore them when they were younger and their friends wanted to hang out, but now they seem to want their wives' company? Sorry if I am jaded, but I would have left a guy that ignored me to that extent early on in a relationship. I do not expect 24/7 attention, although an ex implied I did, but his idea of a relationship was only seeing someone when he was free. To me a real relationship is about wanting to spend time together, not feeling obligated to do so on a schedule.


sheon 7 years ago

tnx for the article.....


jimmynik 7 years ago

i agree with deleting the pics and not txtin her or anythign but forgetting her is like forgetting my name it cant be done


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 7 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

Jimmynik,

I would try because at this point you are dwelling in the past to keeping thinking about her. Let me put it this way: she is probably getting on with her own life and not thinking so much about you. I take it she broke up with you, which should be your answer. If someone breaks up with you it means they do not care enough about you to be around you, which is the complete truth even though some people try to whitewash it by saying you can be friends with an ex. Personally what is the point.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

I'm in total agreement with you SP. I've never understood the point of wanting to be friends with my exes. It's like accepting a consolation prize. And it's too painful, because one or the other of you is going to be thinking/praying/hoping in the bad of his/her mind that it might just be possible to reignite the flame.

Your advice for letting go gracefully is excellent. I think the 'dumpee' needs to allow him/herself a decent period of time to grieve the relationship. But not wallow in it. Moving on is the only way. You can't go backward, and you deserve to move forward to better days and better relationships! MM


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 7 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

Hi Mighty Mom,

I definitely do speak on this from experience because I have seen people who told me that they just wanted to be friends, but then rubbed in my face how they were getting back together with their ex, still thinking about their ex, or trying to work things out with their ex.  Sorry, but I just do not have time to be their sounding board when they are fighting with a girlfriend they are on the outs with, and when I find out this is the case often I am gone. 


Calle 7 years ago

I agree with your article, but I was the one to break up a decade long relationship, one which was not healthy and not leading to marriage (my decision) only living together...I feel so pathetic to feel so sad about something I know was the right thing to do=there was a time when I loved him very much and I miss the companionship, but I know I deserve more...I'm 43 and don't even begin to know how to start dating again (I was married 13 years before this relationship)...My close friends are in another city and I feel very alone and lost in all this.


Justcallmeleroy 7 years ago

Sweetiepie, I wanted to say breaking up is hard on everyone if they still care about each other. I hate to see a guy or a girl be able to just jump right into another relationship while the other one is still feeling for them. That hurts and I wanted to say Thank You for your hub, Leroy


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 7 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

Glad you enjoyed my hub leroy. I think when people immediately jump into a new relationship after breaking up is because they have unofficially checked out of the relationship awhile back. This can be hurtful to the person that cared more in the relationship, and often in many relationships there is one person that loves and cares more. I think the goal is to find a relationship where each person has an equal amount of love for each other.


Lovely Woman 7 years ago

Your advice is excellent. Had been doing it instinctively. Totally agree with last comment. My ex started seeing someone else less than a week after we split up. Think he unofficially checked out of our relationship three months before ending it. Being replaced so quickly hurt like hell but also showed me him in a new light.


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 7 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

Lovely Woman,

Someone who needs to jump into a new relationship right after ending one is usually not a secure person. If he had taken time off to be about himself and reflect on his life I would be able to respect that, but it sounds like he may be the type of person that needs a relationship. Some people who are in relationships get offended when I say that, but often it takes more strength to be on your own for awhile than it does to be with someone. I think you are better off without him because you do not want to settle for someone that is okay to be with, you want someone who is great to be with.

Over time you may even discover that someone else out there may be much better for you than he ever was.


Lovely Woman, 7 years ago

Dear SweetiePie,

Thank you for your kind words. It is twice as hard dealing with the break up and knowing he has a new girlfriend already but it also brings reality and acceptance in quicker and knocks any lingering hopes of a reconciliation on the head. Makes it easier to move on. And yes I do want someone who is great to be with.


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 7 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

Hi Lovely Woman,

I think some men are just not worth it. I know that sounds harsh, but if he is that fickle, then it says a lot about his commitment in the long run. Also, I know it may sound silly, but I do not think his relationship with that woman could ever be serious, and if he can so easily leave you, then he will do the same thing to other women. Just my two cents on a man like that. I have dated a few guys like that and I think it is better not to deal with them. I know right now it hurts because you still care about him a great deal, but in time I think he will be much less appealing.


fyxer profile image

fyxer 7 years ago from mt vernon

points well taken--like wise some women are just not worth it,no matter how beautiful a woman is--somewhere out there there is a man that just can't live with her.


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 7 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

Well I would not put it that way about anybody fyxer. I would just say some people are not compatible with each other, and if people base their romantic choices solely on beauty they are setting themselves up for disappointment.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

Hi SP -- So have you seen the movie version? I haven't yet but really want to. I just reread your hub and it's still right on point. However, it's several months "old" now so I am hoping your love life is in a much different, more positive space! Cheers. MM


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 7 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

Hi Mighty Mom,

I wish I had more positive details to report, but things are just the same. I am happy being single, and at the moment that is all I can really say. I hope to meet someone good some day, but at the moment there are no prospects. I saw the movie and it was interesting, but sort of sad at points. It is not something I would watch to feel in a good mood honestly, but pretty realistic at certain parts. Glad you stopped by and asked, and I must say people such as you are what make Hubpages kind and supportive.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

Thanks, SP. What a nice thing to say! I do try to be kind and supportive of my Hubber friends!

I have heard single friends say the book was a bit brutal. Not exactly the chick flick I would rush out to see with someone whose heart had recently been crushed.

I hope the special man who's perfect for you comes into your life. You deserve every happiness! MM


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 7 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

Hi Mighty Mom,

The book is a little harsh at times, but the Brendt seems to mean what he says with heart. It is a good movie for people that have just broken up, but probably not an every day flick :). I hope you always are happy too.


manwhisperer profile image

manwhisperer 7 years ago

Loved this hub! Agree - its' hard when you find out they're with someone new but at least it gives you closure and then you can move on. Also whenever i go to obsess about them, I turn that attention and energy onto me and my growth/development/hobby/happiness. I mean it's hard at first but it gets easier - and it kind of snowballs into this thing where i'm making less room in my head and my life for the cockroach that left me. Joke - I think the idea is not to hate the other person, but to get to a place where you are able to take the emotion out of it. I also think you only get what you settle for. My ex moved away to work overseas and is coming back next weekend for three weeks to see his family. Will be interesting.


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 7 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

manwhisperer,

If I were you I would not spend time with that ex. Maybe it is just me, but when the relationship is over I am happy to never see them again.


manwhisperer profile image

manwhisperer 7 years ago

thanks SweetiePie!

Actually it was weird - he was just here this weekend and I learned something important - reinforcing what i believe anyway I guess - that is because I have a plan for my time and something to look forward to (my best friend is coming over from Australia - and we're going on a roadtrip to the states! she's going through a similar thing) - i was able to spend time with him and enjoy him for who he is.

So it's Monday now and I last saw him Saturday - and I feel good about things.

It makes such a difference when you have something to look forward to - or other things in your life.

I liked 'he's just not that into you' - I also think 'why men love bitches' is a great book.

A simple rule I use is to look at men's behaviour rather than their words. Words are so easy.

Also - for he's just not that into you' - you need to take it with a pinch of salt when you're dating divorced men who are new on the dating scene. They are clueless!


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 7 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

Glad thing are working out for you!


Angela Brummer profile image

Angela Brummer 4 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

Great advice. This can be so awful to deal with!


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 4 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

Hi Angela,

You know thinking about this and writing this helped me a few years ago when my feelings were hurt. Now I do not even date, and even if I did, I would not let someone else's rejection hurt me. I finally got to the place in my life I would always want love to be mutual, and if someone did not love me for who I was, I would not be able to love them. Even though I believe in mutual love, I think it is more important to love yourself first. It might be hard to view the end of relationships more as disappointments than betrayals, but I think when we all think about it, the signs a relationship was going to end were usually there before your partner said they wanted to break up.


jijo 18 months ago

I think that's a great advise,to move on with your life cos life has to continue

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