How To Spot Red Flags in Men's Dating Profiles

How a woman looks when she sees a man with a cell phone in a bathroom mirror, shirtless profile pic.
How a woman looks when she sees a man with a cell phone in a bathroom mirror, shirtless profile pic.

Tired of browsing through dating profiles chanting like Dorothy: Lions, tigers and bears, OH MY!

Disclaimer: This is written as an informative, yet entertaining piece. Please do not think for a second that any of this content is scientific, educational, given by a trained professional or written by a real comedian (hey, at least I try to be funny).

Been hitting a wall with online dating? Seems like all of your "matches" look like they're compiled from America's Most Wanted, or Sex Addicts Anonymous? Well, you're not alone. Personally, I'm tired of seeing men with sunglasses, and baseball caps using their cellphones to photograph themselves in the car or in their bathroom mirror. Ew. How about the flexed muscles with no shirt on? Ewww! How about the shirtless pics poolside in Vegas with other women? EWWWWW! Dudes, you need to brush up on your dating profile etiquette. I'd help you, but I get paid.

One day as I browsed my new matches, I was taken aback by how infantile and insipid most men were in their profiles. And, I love you guys, but shoot, do you have to give away right off the bat how immature, bitter or boring you are? Geez, I'm a creative writer. I get paid by guys like you to write a "better" version of themselves to appeal to women. If you can spare $10 per page, I'll write you an impressive description guaranteed to bring interest from the ladies.

But I digress.

Here's my interpretation of what women see when they read dating profiles from (not so eloquent) men:

  1. "I'm just looking to see what's out there." I'm looking for a hookup. Not really serious (or mature enough) to be in a commitment right now. Or, I'm already in one, just want to see if someone is worth cheating on her for. Either way, I'm immature, emotionally unavailable, or not serious about dating. But at least I'm semi-honest about it.
  2. "No games!" I'm so bitter! I had a woman cheat on me, or I cheated on her, but I know that games are played, and I'm on high alert if you pull that sh*t with me! Notice the exclamation points?! I've got issues!
  3. (Sends a message of) "Hi!" Um, I'll have a side of fries with the insecurity.
  4. "I get bored easily." You are easily replaceable, just like all the other things in my life I get bored with. NEXT!
  5. "Looking for a fresh start." I should have seen a therapist about my unresolved childhood issues that damaged my prior relationship, but I like the 'sweep it under a rug' method of healing. Hope you don't mind getting the same bad behavior in our possible relationship.
  6. "Looking for an easy-going girl." (First off, only females 18 and under are considered "girls"... ). I don't want to have to earn your love, so if you don't put out right away, I'm not going to waste my time on you.
  7. "You can look your hole life." Enough said. (Note the spelling--Freudian slip).
  8. "Looking 4 Fun." I'm too lazy for proper English, so I'll use text. I'm just playing, are you game?
  9. "Willing to lie about how we met." I'm married. And a liar. Do you need more temptations to want to meet me?
  10. "U never kno" Really, that was on a REAL profile.
  11. "Free dinner guaranteed. True love???" I buy love. But I don't know what love is because I'm incapable of feeling it. Who wants to hook up for a free dinner?
  12. "I'm just looking to meet some females." You 'females' are just an object. And I need to use you. So any of you in heat-- call me!
  13. "If anyone asks, we met at church." I'm a liar, and a cheater. Please see #9.
  14. "Only honest, truthful, faithful need apply." I got burned or burned someone from cheating. I'm scarred, or will never trust anyone because I'm untrustworthy. Otherwise, I wouldn't bother to mention this in my profile. Oops, see #2 and #5.
  15. "Just looking for friends." With benefits. Otherwise, I'm a major loser who can't make friends on my own in real life.
  16. "Awesome teacher for you." I'm into S and M, and I will make sure you suffer for being a bad girl.
  17. "Would like to meet someone fun." I'm a narcissist who needs someone to make me happy, show me a good time, and entertain me. If you can't feed me 100% positive vibes, I'll reinstate my dating profile.
  18. "Are there any real women out there?" I'm tired of dating these robots, and want to feel real flesh.
  19. "Are there any good girls out there?" I'm looking to hook up with an underage female who isn't tainted by life. Please refer to #1, 8 and 18.
  20. "I eat women like you for breakfast." What? See #16.
  21. "Don't read my profile." I think reverse psychology is so cool. And yes, I'm stuck in the 80's.
  22. "No drama queens!" I don't take responsibility for my actions. In fact, I become aloof in all my relationships. Then, when the drama queens lose their patience, I point my finger at them and say, 'see, you're the crazy one!'
  23. "I'm not your daddy, so be independent." I'm not going to pull my weight in the relationship, ie: do dishes, laundry, deal with kids or cook for you, but I expect you to bring in a paycheck.
  24. "I'm possibly the best catch on this dating site." I'm a narcissist, and you better be the best woman there is, too!
  25. "I'll fill this out later." Around the same time I'll have time for you after I've 'had you'. I'm the pro of lazies, so come get me ladies!

I'm sure there's more stuff you've seen online that would make people's skin crawl, but this was material taken from just one night of browsing. Yes, ladies, the men are this dense.

Good luck in your dating pursuits, and don't be fooled by what men write. Do a google search before you meet them, and if he doesn't call before your first meeting, there's some red flags right there. Happy dating.

What's the worst thing you've read on a man's profile?

  • Just looking
  • Are there any "real" women?
  • No Drama!
  • Must be fit, energetic, and independent
  • Wiping the slate clean
See results without voting

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Comments 71 comments

emilybee profile image

emilybee 4 years ago

Wow, I enjoyed this hub :) So funny, but sad and true. Number 20 cracked me up! Awesome hub and great disclaimer, too!


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 4 years ago from Southern California Author

Ha ha ha emilybee: my friend on FB also laughed at the same comment! And yes, these were all taken from real profiles. Sad isn't it? But funny! Thanks for stopping by.


TToombs08 profile image

TToombs08 4 years ago from Somewhere between Heaven and Hell without a road map.

This was GREAT! I think I've been to this dating site before I met hubby...at a bar. lol! I got SO sick of the same cr@p on all of the sites, I cancelled all of my memberships, changed my email address and gave up on meeting a real man. Then along comes hubby and had to talk me into going out with him. I was so anti-relationship, when he asked me to marry him, I wouldn't give him an answer and he threatened to leave me in the middle of the woods if I didn't say yes. lol Oh yeah, voted up and everything. :)


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 4 years ago from Southern California Author

That was awesome, TToombs98. Thanks for that. :)


lucybell21 profile image

lucybell21 4 years ago from Troy, N.Y.

I could not help but laugh. I know a guy that is on a ton of dating sites, and if you saw his profile, you would keep moving on. All of his dates, if he is lucky enough to get one, either don't show up, or after they meet him, make excuses to avoid him and never see him again. He wants someone younger than himself, that is pretty, and has a good job, and a Christian . He is overweight, never exercised in his life, and has short term memory loss, and is fussy about food, and expects to be waited on hand and foot. so go figure.


tobey100 profile image

tobey100 4 years ago from Whites Creek, Tennessee

Even though I'm a guy....loved it!!! Voted up


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 4 years ago from Southern California Author

Lucybell: The funny/scary part is how real these descriptions are. And I know the type you're talking about, and it reminds me of the movie "Shallow Hal" where the overweight, short, bald guy was too picky even with a model.

Tobey: Thanks, and I'm glad you liked it!


Ingenira profile image

Ingenira 4 years ago

These are so funny, thumbs up !


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 4 years ago

Loved the Disclaimer! Voted up and useful

Back when I was toying with online dating I saw many women doing the same things as the guys you described. There were bathroom photos taken in a mirror with a cell phone, (Zany) facial expressions, kissing dogs or cats in the mouth photos, exe’s hand resting on their shoulder while his body was cropped out, profile photos consisting of just feet….etc

#2 "No Games" was a very popular one with women as well as “no players” – As if a "player" who was attracted them would not bother to contact them because they were asked not to! Ha ha.

What makes online dating challenging for a lot of people is it is clearly (advertising). Most people aren’t comfortable with knowingly "competing". They don’t know how to promote or sell their attributes. They are far more comfortable with telling others what they must have or want in order to be with (them)!

My take is, be grateful for any information you can gleam from a profile that would cause you to say “ah NO!” LOL!

The last thing you want is everyone presenting themselves to be who they are not! It saves you time and possibly money to know up front that someone is not your type! One man’s opinion! : - )


Jessie Whitmire profile image

Jessie Whitmire 4 years ago from Charleston, South Carolina

Girl, you are so funny! I will be googling before any meet-ups. How much snooping is considered ok?


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 4 years ago from Southern California Author

Hey, dashing-- I always love to see your comments! I can only imagine what zany women do online, but hey, the guys in my descriptions need matches, too. I agree: since I am keen to spot these things, it saves me a heck of a lot of time just skipping on them.

And agree that dating profiles are a sales pitch where we're supposed to beat the competition with our attributes. I'm no saleswoman, but I am pretty savvy with what guys like. The fact that I'm also a creative writer gives me an edge on the competition, but I'd like to think I'm quite a character. And a good catch ;)

Thanks for stopping by and commenting!

Thanks Ingenira!


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 4 years ago

wonderful1, I agree with you 100%! You are savvy,creative,intelligent,attractive, and possess a laugh out loud sense of humor. Not many women could compete with that!:-)

In the very near future most online dating services will offer video streams. No one will need cable television to be entertained! ha ha


kate12402 profile image

kate12402 4 years ago from Storrs, CT

This was too amazing. I can't believe some guys actually put this stuff on a dating profile! What are they thinking??? Lol. Although it's true it is difficult selling yourself in an open competition. It's hard enough for some to sell a product let alone themselves.


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago

Shoot! Have you been spying on me Sheila? Is not fair when you follow me all over the dating sites. Sorry if we men don't write with the 'head' of our hearts. Jokes aside, I see big time trouble for some wonderful women, that want a decent man. Great article as usual Sheila! Wait a minute, am I the only guy commenting so far?


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 4 years ago from Southern California Author

Jessie: stalk away, but for safety, not obsession. You can play numbers with your own head if you check up on someone too much.

Dashing: thanks, I appreciate that! Videos of online dates? Oh geez-- as soon as I skype with some of the guys I meet, things get "weird." But I'm open to new things, and experiences sure give me food for writing. ;)

Kate: I know! There's a lot of broken people out there, both male and female. It just takes a little time to sift through the weeds.

Lord: No way-- was that you? I hear you: I'm still trying to get it right, but honestly, I think my location (northern SD) is not the best for finding a good match. Lots of super-charged military guys looking for cougars. (And no, I'm not one of them). Thanks for stopping by and commenting-- always love to hear from you!


writinginalaska profile image

writinginalaska 4 years ago from southeast Alaska

had a couple of good laughs reading this. so true, so true. On the pluse side, i have met a very wonderful man off of a dating site and July will be our one year anniversary. But I agree, there sure are a lot of losers out there with the above mentioned things in their profile. lvh


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 4 years ago from Southern California Author

Thanks the comment writinginalaska-- agree, and love the success story! Congrats to you both.


GleedenUS profile image

GleedenUS 4 years ago from Los Angeles, California

We really enjoyed reading this!


SylviaSky profile image

SylviaSky 4 years ago from USA

Loved it. So true. Don't forget the guys who write their names all downcased, no capital letters. A woman can read into that.


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 4 years ago from Southern California Author

Good point, Sylvia! One of my pet peeves with dating profiles is no proofreading, or the lowercase "i" when they speak in first person. Lazy much? If he's too blasé about pushing the shift key down for a split-second, he'll probably be lazy about other steps in a relationship.

They can prove me wrong, but thus far, bad English skills with guys are another red flag. At least for a woman who is a freelance writer, paid to edit work-- kind of distracting to say the least. Ha, thanks again for commenting.


KateWest profile image

KateWest 4 years ago from Los Angeles, CA

Great (and true) hub. They never learn, do they?


Jynzly profile image

Jynzly 4 years ago from Marion, Indiana, USA

God! I love this hub! Very, very, very true! I would have like to add more, but what you wrote suffice for ladies to acknowledge the i..ots!


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 4 years ago from Southern California Author

Add to these: in their profile pic, they are with a pet, or it's just their pet, their picture is blurry or has them in a baseball cap, helmet, sunglasses, and no real idea of what they look like.

If a guy is attractive enough, he won't be ashamed to show a pic of his face-- close up.


Jynzly profile image

Jynzly 4 years ago from Marion, Indiana, USA

Amen to that...really great hub.


H82onlineD8 4 years ago

Allow me to add to the insanity of photoless profiles. Headlines plus the first few lines (I could not stand to click on the photo or they would suspect interest).

Hi

I'm looking for a beautiful,classy,sexy woman.How about then,Beautiful and Classy?Ok,Beautiful would be fine. I am rich handsome and smart.Well,rich and smart anyway.all right then;smart

(to make up for his lack thereof)

I'm a very giving man who loves to

I'm a man that appreciates a woman that knows she has a great man. A woman that is pretty on the eyes, sexy, and always has a great smile. A woman that you always want to kiss, a woman you always want..

(predator like profile)

hot italian here lol well love life

mmmmm me simple laid back , love to bbq,swim ,tan enjoy what life hasta offer each day,im happu just to wake up every morning, i like playing pool.darts , ping pong lol going to the keys,

(Gives Italians a bad image)

From tarzan222a "The only reason for time is so

I am a very private person, and I don't talk about myself much. I prefer listening to others, you learn a lot that way. Some people dominate the conversation but manage not to seem not to be very boring

(Tarzan was a yeller. Might be hiding behind a big mouth)

Shall we dance?

Most of my friends say that I have a good personality, friendly, considerate, cheerful, and fun to be with. I am looking for someone special. If you are nice, gentle, kind, and want to have fun

(IF? Do he not realize women worldwide will face palm themselves thinking, "I am a bitch, rough, unkind and despise fun.")

Perks60 writes:

Frugal person that believes in saving for the best. By living with this outlook on life you can always be prepared to meet most of lifes catastrophes without outrageous worries.

(Don't expect flowers. Bring money and own transportation on date).

ladysman5512 writes:

Life is short but god is great all

Hello and thanks for stopping to read profile. I'm very happy man ,who has lead a awesome life, I'm funny adventurous. Full of zest loving and caring an most of all honest. I'm looking for open minded

(Ladysman. Red flag numero uno. If GOD is so important why is HE not capitalized? Stating one is honest is all it takes to instill trust. How about loading a profile pic? And the OPEN MIND. ie: no boundaries)

I will be me and you will like it.

I am looking for somebody who is honest and has enough confidence to be who they really are. I am grateful for the kids I have coached in football that come back and say thanks that I have helped.

(I will be me and you will like it? Grooming you for future resistance to deal with his shortcomings. I am sure the kids will come back and throw themselves at your feet in worship. Why does this have any place in an intro? )

I enjoy living life to its fullest. Someone that is adventitious, romantic, and understanding. A person that enjoys being out in a summer rain and does not feel they need to be picture perfect all the time

(The second you show up without makeup, he will tell you how you don't take pride in yourself. WTF is adventious?)

am easy going and looking for someone the same way . I need my own space sometimes and i travel a lot with my job . I like the outdoors hunting fishing going to the lake for the weekend to unwind

(Note to self: needs own space. Travels A LOT. Hunts. Wkend at lake. My guess is you will rarely see him if at all. No photo. Always away. Married much? And the idea of killing bambi and fish as a means to unwind - I would not attend. At least make certain the gun is unloaded. And FFS do not expect to go anywhere that doesn't smell like rotten carp. Trust me. You will be cleaning the fish and cooking it. )

Explorer of opportunities seeking a woman that goes black tie to LBD. Lets look for the things that we can share and build upon for the long term. Experience in relationships refines what we know we w...

(Wow he is cool. LBD?

Little black dress? If so, you will be an escort.

Lewy body disease

Khudzhand Airport, IATA airport code

Learning Behavior Disorder)

looking to see what's out there

i am mostly a laid back person - i do like to have fun with the right person. I am looking for the right person to possibly settle down. I am anxious to find some like people and possible meet in person.

(Capitalize first person much? MOSTLY laid back? Until you piss him off.

Anxious to meet PEOPLE (not one) in person. Most predators and hook up guys are anxious to POSSIBLE meet in person. Define RIGHT person. As opposed to what's left?)

Just a normal down to earth dude

I am me!!!!! weird yet normall. Goofy but not dorky, smart but not a smart a--, attractive, fun, quick witted, succinct, and really funny. Im not rewally looking for anything- i would like an attract

(Red flag pallapalooza. Loves himself. Mood swings. )

LEADPACKER from AL:

single man needs good woman

someone who can hear and respond correctly would be nice, talking to someone who cannot absorb the meaning is non productive and very irritating for me. Must be in good health and nice to look at.

(If there were ever a testament to online dating insanity, this clown would be the village idiot.)

I love to joke around and have a ..

I'm honest, hard working, fun to be around & love my LORD AND SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST. I'm also a volunteer for Gospel for Asia.

(If he were a nun he could marry the LORD and no need to lurk on dating sites. )

sinn24 53 -

I am a very nice guy and I am

I am looking for some one who enjoys dining out and also likes to go to night clubs occasionally and likes to spend time with friends and relatives.

(Occasionally)

always treat others the way you

good natured easy going kind thoughtful generous respectful wellmannered gentle fun trustworthy kindhearted positive thinker never look back just keep looking forward will be the first to volunteer

(RUNONSENTENCESAREHOT)

'm looking for someone to enjoy the fun things in life with. Someone who is low maintainence and has a fun personality. The right one needs to have a desire to enjoy the outdoors and like to fish.

(Let me grab my fishing hat and fly lures. I won't fluff my hair or wear makeup. And I will look gorgeous. Of COURSE. I love fishing and smelling like bait. I won't have any maintenance (SPELL CHECK) needs so as not to expect anything for being a FUN person JUST for you. This gem is 65 seeking women 40-60. At 65 is he implying anyone who dates his age is a moron? What is wrong with the same age opposite sex?)

I HATE DRAMA!

Im honest,loving and loyal.I don't play games and don't like drama.Im handy and love to cook indoors and out.I love the outdoors doing whatever.Looking for a long term relationship with the right person

(Drama - HERE WE GO AGAIN. More unaccountable men with more communication issues than a 1920 switchboard. )

IJUSTLOOKINAROUND -

divorced have 3 kids that live with

i am a man that loves his family and tries to give them everything they need and some of what they want. recently divorced after 23 years, this free offer popped up on my screen so i said why not

(Why not? Because you are JUSLOOKINROUND and got out of a long term marriage for starters. You did not show up out of a need to find love.. but a WHY NOT IT's FREE! offer.)

GROSS


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 4 years ago from Southern California Author

H82onlineD8: thanks for stopping by to read my hub, and compile that very informative take on profiles-- wowza! I also found it very irritating when men would write "I'm not comfortable talking about myself, I'd rather get to know you," or "I don't want to sound like a d**che, so I'll tell you in person about myself." Talk about creepy vibe in words. Any guy who can't give you the meat and potatoes about what makes him HIM is hiding a shady personality.

Did you notice that men tend to talk more in their profiles about what kind of woman they're looking for than about themselves? I want, I want, I want.... Funny thing, when I had online profiles, I didn't have a laundry list of qualities I'm looking for in a man. Maybe I should have, cause goodness knows the eels came out from underneath the rocks thinking they had a chance. I quit the dating sites because it was just too draining to waste my time answering messages when most men ended up being players, flakes or potheads. (I have no problem with people who do that, but it's not what I'm looking for, and my profile specified it).

Thanks again for your funny comments.


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago

Hehehe Wonderful1 thought you found Prince charming by now. Just stopping by and... well praying for you! Why not? Just a friendly comment. I do enjoy your hubs Sheila! Take care.... Potheads?


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 4 years ago from Southern California Author

Always love it when you visit, lord. Thanks!

Potheads: the area I'm in seems to be inundated with 420 friendly folks... I seriously see moving back to LA in my future.


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago

Just keep the hubs coming please! I know your area that is not getting better. Have a nice evening dear friend..!


H82onlineD8 4 years ago

Wondie 1 - yes now that you mention it. You are completely astute in your observation. It does seem to be about what they are looking for. No mention of their character though it shines through in their redonkulous profile wish list.

Do eels live under rocks? I like the bonus info. TY!

I would love to read accounts from the ladies on your hub about their experiences.

I take no shame nor issue with the manner in which one finds love. Meeting on or offline - if it works the means do not matter. That said, I am willing to bet Wondie1, that you and other ladies have encountered the boil on the butt of online beer balls. Men will say the most rude, vile, vulgar things. Perhaps anonymity provides a sense of chickenshittedness. In person, if someone spoke to me as such, the result would be a sack punch.

OTOH, at least we see the rorschach free association going on behind the screen. Something akin to cutting to the chase.

Any chance the ladies may want to share their experiences? Sometimes Online Dating is an exercise in futility.

I had one moron pull a 12 g on me when I said no to casual sex. Through the trusted EH! Love Neil Warren NOT.

Another was a pseudo DR wannabe that had a sexual battery allegation court documented. Mr Nice guy is El Capitan Narcissist. First warning - lied about his age by ONE YR - a lie of many to come.

A prominent lawyer at a fine restaurant forced me to watch the most agonizing 10 minutes of the "only girl in his life" - a 7 yr old kid doing kid stuff in a video. All while at a fine dining rest.. in the first 10 mins. When seated, I asked why a successful well known lawyer was on snatch dot vom. He quipped in all seriousness: FOR SEX. I got up and left in my black cocktail dress furious that I had been excited about this date. I waited 10 days to go out with him.

These spotlight fruits seem to feel entitled to treating so many with vile behavior


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 4 years ago from Southern California Author

"you and other ladies have encountered the boil on the butt of online beer balls." - that warranted a laugh out loud. You and I should get together for drinks. Where you at?


glassvisage profile image

glassvisage 4 years ago from Northern California

This is a really great analysis... I wish I had seen some of these before! I liked getting the lengthy messages that try to seem personal, but it's clear they've been sent to many other women!


Mookies 4 years ago

How about RED FLAGS FOR women such as:

just looking

just looking for "friends", don't ever want to COMMIT cause she's ALWAYS "busy" (in other words would never make time for a guy) even though she CAN make time but is still online "looking",

the other one for women is even though they don't say it in their profiles the way it's written saying they are looking for the "PERFECT" NON EXISTENT guy and under no circumstances must meet all her "demand list" "requirements"

Must be the minimum "height" for her under no circumstances i.e. must be 6' minimum (no ifs and or buts) even though she's all of 5'1" to like 5'5".

Her list "requirements" online never end.

Think she can or want's so badly to tell that either he's the one or bf material on the first date or within like 5 minutes.

Are there any "real" men?


nurseleah profile image

nurseleah 4 years ago from West Virginia

Awesome hub! One of the best I've read. This really had me laughing first thing this morning. I became so frustrated with the online dating scene that I had to just quit all together.

My worst experience was with this man who I emailed with several times and then began texting. He asked to meet me after 2 days of random texts. I said I would meet him and then he asked to meet in this secluded park in the woodsy area. I said, "Um...no, that makes me uncomfortable." He freaked out in a text message response saying that I was a prude, etc. I'm pretty sure I barely avoided a potential sexual assault.

Another man was rude with me on the phone when he asked me to meet for a drink and I already had plans (I actually had real other plans and offered to meet at another time). At that point he said, "If you're going to be fat, at least you should try to make up for that with a good personality." Wow! Seriously, did you just say that?

I was constantly amazed at the ridiculousness of it all. I'm not the smartest, best-looking, richest, or most graceful person in the world, but I do try to be kind and gracious to others, even if I don't think a second or third date is going to happen. Now I'm having all kinds of terrible flashbacks...lol. Yuck!


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 4 years ago from Southern California Author

Oh, I'm so sorry you had to go through that, nurseleah! From my experience (and my educated guess), I think the average person (women come in their own freaky packages as well) on the dating sites is socially challenged. Meaning, their social skills probably are lacking and that's why they go on anonymous cyber-communities to feel more brave.

Personally, I decided that if a man doesn't have enough courage to meet me, talk to me and ask me out in real life, then he's not the kind of man I'm looking for. No more forever messages with anyone who's to timid to pull the trigger, or too aggressive (like the wolf in wolf's clothing you encountered).

Best of luck to you. Keep your sense of humor-- that's always an attractive quality, even if some guys feel entitled to share their negative opinions. Geez, shaking my head. I still can't believe anyone would say something like that. Well, at least he let you know right away that he's a jerk to be avoided.


SaritaJBonita profile image

SaritaJBonita 4 years ago from Upstate New York

LOL this is one of the best Hubs I've ever read! Voted up!

I think the worst line I've ever read on a dating site is: "I like a woman who can keep up with her looks, i.e. nails always done, goes to the gym.."

::shivers:: I'm so glad I deleted all of my dating profiles...


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 4 years ago from Southern California Author

Wow, I know, right? I don't miss the lunatics, either. Cheers!


lovedoctor926 4 years ago

Lol... This was so funny! #18 especially. I always learn something from your hubs.


Jonas James profile image

Jonas James 4 years ago from Adelaide, South Australia

Excellent interpretations and an overall superb hub. Great stuff.


DougL07 profile image

DougL07 4 years ago from Maryland

Funny, but I disagree about one aspect. The "willing to lie about how we met" tagline. I've seen it on both men's and women's profiles, and I don't see it as the person being a liar or married. I see it as this individual is being a little bit clever about the stigma that still partially exists about online dating.


byshea profile image

byshea 4 years ago

Ah, I loved this Hub and had to share it with my girlfriend! Most guys don't have a clue when they join a dating site but if they did, there wouldn't be all this great material to talk about. Have to disagree with DougL07 though... Willing to lie is willing to lie. In this age of technology the online dating stigma is more of a social norm now.


DougL07 profile image

DougL07 4 years ago from Maryland

I hear you byshea, and personally I agree. I don't think there is much of a stigma about online dating. I have dabbled in online dating myself. Eharmony is happy to tell us all that some 40% of relationships now start online or whatever the commercial says, but even with that said, some people don't want their story to go..."Well kids your mom had some great cleavage in her profile pic...so I messaged her" I've seen that as a number of people's headline, and while the originality of it has worn off, I still take it with a grain of salt, and read on, it isn't in and of itself a deal breaker (to me.)


RavenBiker profile image

RavenBiker 4 years ago from Pittsburgh, PA.

Loved the Hub! (At the risk of sounding like an ad) Funny, honest and so deliciously cynical! The irony I found, gay men write the same kinds of ads!


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 4 years ago from Southern California Author

Really, RavenBiker? Now THAT'S funny.... thanks for all the comments!


krsharp05 profile image

krsharp05 4 years ago from 18th and Vine

Absolutely wonderful! I think that Tarzan and Jane should take pointers from you. Your comedic point of view is refreshing. Thank you for the breath of fresh air is refreshing and tart! LOVE it! Up, Funny & Awesome -K


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 4 years ago from Southern California Author

Thank you for the positive reinforcement, krsharp05.... I live to make others happy. ;)


Kalux profile image

Kalux 4 years ago from Canada

LOL great hub! I've tried online dating many times and sometimes ended up being sooo frustrated that I wanted to just throw in the towel and write a really horrible profile just to see what happened. I didn't but I did write a blog post about it. (I'm not sure if it's frowned upon to link to your own blog in the comments, I don't normally do this!) http://goo.gl/ZROXp


Ann 4 years ago

LOL... I came across the headline below on a profile on an online dating website. What does this one interpret to?

"No need for headlines."

I am a narcissist?!? Hahah


WhyHeLeft profile image

WhyHeLeft 4 years ago from Las Vegas

This is hilarious and so true!

My absolute favorites were:

"No games!"

and

"I'll fill this out later."

Really you'll fill this out later? You don't have time to write 3 sentences about yourself in order to meet the right person? Wow, far be it from me to think you'd have time to have a relationship.

No games is amazing as well. Usually those are the guys who pull the most b.s. from my experience.


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 4 years ago from Southern California Author

LOL, totally! If a guy admits he doesn't have time for such a small task, then imagine his reaction to you if the going gets tough.

And absolutely: if a guy starts out by saying "be drama-free" or "no games," it means he's actually attracted to the very type... otherwise he'd notice red flags early on and not get involved with those types of women. Thanks for your comments, WhyHeLeft.


Lolita 4 years ago

You forgot the best one of all. "looking for discreet relationship". Of course we know this one is married and I loove how they discribe themselves as honest. Yeah, right.


NornsMercy profile image

NornsMercy 3 years ago from Charlotte, NC

LOL, these are all SO true. Thank you for taking the time to collect all these little morsels of information into an easily digested WARNING for online daters (like I once was). The shirtless guys are just as dangerous and annoying as the dudes who were burned before. Voted up and across 'cause this hub is awesome.


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 3 years ago from Southern California Author

Thanks, NornsMercy! Shirtless guys = barf. I agree. It's the clearest banner for "I'm a piece of meat-- look at me!" Ha ha ha!


savvydating profile image

savvydating 3 years ago

Your hub is halarious! I loved it. Mostly I love that you have common sense and insight. It is amazing how many people overlook these very obvious red flags. You truly are a wonderful1 for writing with such wit!

Voted up.


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 3 years ago from Southern California Author

Ah-- what wonderful, touching words to say, savvydating! Thanks for that. You made my day.


test 3 years ago

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Mr_Z 3 years ago

Why so judgemental? I WISH more girls would take bikini photos of themselves in the mirror! Srsly! I have lost count of all the chubscouts I've dated that looked great in their photos only to be 50lbs heavier when I meet them in person! That being said, 90% of women's photos are taken of themselves in the mirror with a pound of clown make-up on... lol... I'd write an article about that...but wait, I have a life! ;)


Brian Erickson profile image

Brian Erickson 3 years ago from Austin, Texas

too true...and too funny. Good job!


kjerstimae profile image

kjerstimae 3 years ago from Staten Island, New York

Sounds like the inside of my head when I look at dating sites - thanks for the laugh and the knowledge that others feel the same way!


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 3 years ago from Southern California Author

You're welcome! If we can't laugh at life sometimes, we'd probably go crazy.


SayNOtoTheDRESS 3 years ago

Wonderful1, thank you for this hub. Online dating can be discouraging and these true, but funny takes on our experiences surely help.

I am in my later 40's. Every year that ticks by seems to coincide with a smaller pool of reasonable matches. The increasing prevalence of surreal profiles continues to exponentially grow.

Perhaps as many women have, I've grown less enthusiastic. As my age increases, my male peers start lowering their age interest range. I don't even know where I fit in with regards to age. Perhaps somewhere off the needle-in-haystack radar.

I am losing hope for love as time marches on. If nothing else, O.D. (online dating) has crash coursed me into knowing what I do want. It seems to translate into me having flexibility in a match, but not at the cost of personal integrity or my own well being.

I have never found a single profile or interest that reflected the actual person I met online. The disparity has been both of obvious nature as well as oblique.

I cannot be what most men put in a profile. Most of it has to do with my own male peers dating only younger. Heck, they won't even consider their own age. So when these same hucksters e-mail me with a lazy HI I would consider dating you even at your age (and they are my age) - I feel less hopeful that OD is actually worthwhile. UNLESS you are willing to put up with some of the most dire situations.

Referring to women as CHUBSTERS is one example of misogyny. And those sites are full of these types of men. OD is full of men wanting perpetual youth and vitality when they cannot offer the same in return. One day when an accident, illness or aging catches up with them, perhaps the more important concerns regarding love - will come to light.

The skin we wear is temporary as is youth. Ideals and realistic goals are two different things. I am sure many of us have physical and emotional characteristics we would like to change. But after a lifetime of being socialized to conform to what a man expects, it is not likely we can or should meet all those pre requisites.

I do know the themes reported by the women on your hub are more than accurate. When the day arrives we shut the door on this OD clownfest, these bizarre profiles will be left with one another. All the truly good women will have left it a ghost town.


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 3 years ago from Southern California Author

I wholeheartedly agree, and what's worse: men I talk to that have quit OD say the same. There are women who are just as flaky, use men for free dinners and some are even with other men (and need attention), so no wonder both sides can become jaded from the experience.

Today, I had a young man send a message asking me why we never met. I answered him, "because I wanted to get to know you more so I could be comfortable meeting" but he stopped communicating as soon as I texted that. Oh, and I hate it when people text instead of call. He actually wrote back and asked if we can try again.... um, NOOOO! Am I to think bad behavior changes with second chances? I state my requirements to meet (which are fairly reasonable) and he pulls the silent treatment on me. Oh, and he decided to "unfriend" me on FB without any reason. Whatever! Flush and next!

And sweetheart, totally hear you on all counts with men in my age group. I find it hilarious that one of the men I dated was 3 years older than me, had a potbelly and looked unattractive in my eyes, yet he persisted and I gave him a chance anyway. As soon as we got closer (physically) he pulled the Houdini act and disappeared. And I was like, "what? What did I do?"

Now mind you, I'm forty but look "well kept"-- it's only fair to expect the same from men I date. I've been very lenient so far, but in return, I'm the one who gets rejected-- go figure! I've seen men in my age group have no reserves about posting a maximum age that is years younger than me... and again, it's like the silent slap across the face. Why are so many men self-entitled, yet whine about how women use them? And yes, when it all comes down to it, a woman of substance (usually older) will stick it out with her man even in sickness.

So be it. I am happy single and no longer feel the need to fulfill a younger man's need to have a warm body. There's plenty of dumb broads out there more than happy to settle for a casual relationship without an emotional connection or commitment. I choose to hold out for the real deal. Anything less and I'll pass.

Thanks for your input and best wishes to you.


SayNOtoTheDRESS 3 years ago

The female flakes are on there for sure. I knew one woman IRL who grossly misrepresented herself. In ways most would be left jaw dropped. My comments were based on being a woman OD. Certainly men have left for similar reasons. I kind of wish those who were decent did stay put and not allow the bitterness to come out in the profile. I can empathize, but do not want to read that anger. Take it to the blog.

Water seeks its own level for those dumb broads. In cases like that, it is definitely a match.

I have a friend who met her current bf on POF. Based on his mind set and tendency to violate all common decency written about here, he and she seem happy. I wonder if I could ever get past the freakish contact on that site and end up happy. My answer comes from the gut and it is always NO.

I recently was sent a phone number, no previous introduction, and an offer to watch a movie in some young thugs home while naked. This may be amusing to waste a person's time, however, those who contribute to this crap end up wondering why no one decent is left on the site.

A business owner sent me an out of the blue vicious e-mail calling me a sick F--- and suggested therapy. There was absolutely nothing in my short, pleasant profile to elicit said vulgarity. Sadly for him, not all women will tolerate abuse and have the tools to determine his name and business. Anonymity should never support the urge to be a pig. Had he said that to me in person, authorities would have been summoned.

That one e-mail really showed me how useless the dating notion is.

I am not holding out for anything. Much less sub par.

After receiving the sick e-mail from the one guy, I probably do need therapy. To learn to never ever believe love is possible without surrendering one's self worth. Something I will never do - but impressed upon to do.


A Driveby Quipper profile image

A Driveby Quipper 3 years ago

I enjoyed this. I have never tried to date on the internet. I have no need to.

You should charge more.


Caju 3 years ago

I think the same could be applied to female profiles for the most part.


Restless 3 years ago

"..you are guaranteed to have a great time...!" A married guy who just wants a hook up.


Restless 3 years ago

".. you will be well looked after.." - guy sees women as replacement objects similar to prostitutes.


Brandon 2 years ago

What's wrong with just saying "Hi!"? ... I don't get it. :(


slysally 2 years ago

Lots of players out there, especially on pof


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