How To Stay Safe with a Guy during a Date

© by Jennifer McLeod writing as jenjen0703, all rights reserved.

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So, He Asked You Out...

You're out with your friends at a nightclub you visit sometimes, and this guy you've been noticing walks over to talk to you. He introduces himself and asks your name. Within a few minutes of conversation, you discover he is educated with a career, appears to be financially stable, and he is quite attractive. Sounds good, right?

Suddenly, he asks you if you would like to go out on a date in the future and could he have your phone number. What do you say? How do you respond to this gorgeous man? Should you give him your phone number? Should you go out on a date with him? You want to give him a chance to see if he could be "the soul mate" you have been searching for.

These questions are worth considering, even before "that guy" asks you out. If you set the rules in your life according to a certain code of moral ethics, you will have less difficulties when "that guy" asks you out. Is it possible to date and keep yourself safe at the same time?

10 Safe Dating Tips

Keep yourself safe on those first few dates by following the following tips:

  • Drive your own car. If you find yourself in an uncomfortable situation and need to get away from your date quickly, you have a way out. This will also keep you from having to tell him where you live.
  • Stay sober. This does not mean that you cannot drink, but limit your drinks to 1 or 2, depending on how long you are at your destination. Staying sober allows you to be legally able to leave the location and drive your car without fear of legal penalization. Also, do not accept drinks from your date if he buys them himself and brings them to you. Only accept drinks directly from the waitress or bartender. This reduces the chance your date can slip drugs into your drink. Also, do not leave your drink alone with your date. For information on date rape drugs, I have included a section describing those drugs.

  • Do not reveal your home phone number or address. Certain personal contact information should stay private until you get to know your date better. Looks can be deceiving, and the last thing you need on your hands is a stalker or serial rapist showing up at your home. Giving him your cell phone is safer because you can always change your number if you need to, and it is an unlisted number.
  • Take time to get to know your date. Before moving forward with your date, take time to get to know him. Go out on several dates with him, talk to him through text messages or the computer while you are waiting to decide when it is safe to reveal more personal information. You do not have to jump into bed with him on your first, second, or third date. Taking your time helps to weed out the losers because a good man will wait and want to get to know you and wait for sexual involvement.

  • Listen to your gut instinct. If you are uncomfortable, in any way, it is OK to leave the date and go home. If your gut instinct is telling you that something is wrong, it is best to listen to it. Do not force yourself to stay in a compromising situation because you are afraid you will hurt his feelings and make him mad. If the situation has made you fearful, do not hesitate to "fake a phone call from your mother saying she had a heart attack and you have to go..." If your protecting yourself from possible danger means you have to tell a lie, then do what you have to do.
  • Consider double dating and group dating. Let your best friend and her date tag along with you and this new guy. This helps to avoid unnecessary sexual tension and potential disasters because you have somebody else watching your back.

  • Pay your own way. It is old school thinking that men should pay for the date. But today, many men like to expect sexual favors for paying for a date. Paying your own pay will help to eliminate that issue.
  • Dress appropriately. If you want to have a successful date, do not show up wearing the bare minimal for clothing. This will send the wrong message to your date and open doors to putting yourself in a compromising situation. You can dress nice but tastefully.

  • No means no! If your date becomes too sexually aggressive or starts touching you, and you tell him to stop, then he should stop. Get the facts on sexual abuse. In all reality, if he was a real man, he would not put you in that position to begin with. If he becomes pushy and does not respect your wishes, then leave. You do not have to stay and take that abuse. Just leave. Hey, you drove your own car, remember? If you did not drive yourself, consider calling 9-1-1 for help.
  • Have fun! I don't think I need to elaborate on this one. It is self-explanatory.

Date Rape Drugs and their Side Effects

Date rape drugs are powerful and can render a victim helpless. These drugs are used to commit sexual assault and can cause the victim to be become weak and confused or pass out. This causes the victim to be unable to refuse sex or defend themselves.

The three most common rape drugs are:

  • Rohyphol - also know as "roofies" comes as a small pill that dissolves quickly into liquid. Some are small, round, and white; however, newer forms of these pills are made with a dye that turns clear liquids into a bright blue color and will cause darker drinks to have a cloudy appearance. Two other drugs similar to rohyphol are klonopin (clonazepam) and xanax (alprazolam). The side effects of rohyphol include muscle relaxation, loss of motor skills, loss of consciousness, inability to remember what happened while on the drug, confusion, blurry vision, nausea, garbled speech, dizziness, feelings of being drunk, sleepiness, and possibly death.
  • GHB (gamma hydroxybutyric) - also called "cherry meth", "easy lay", and "liquid ecstasy"; GHB is an extremely potent drug that takes effect within 15 minutes and lasts 3 to 4 hours. It comes in liquid form with no odor or color, as a powder, and in pill form. This drug can have a salty taste but can be masked with a sweeter tasting drink. Only a small amount of GHB is needed, so it is easy to overdose on it. The side effects of GHB are nausea, dizziness, drowsy feelings, lack of consciousness, seizures, tremors, inability to remember what happened while on the drug, troubles with breathing, slowed heart rate, sweating, vomiting and in extreme cases, coma and death.
  • Ketamine - comes as a liquid or a white powder and is known as "Special K", "Kit Kat", "psychedelic heroin", and "bump". The side effects of ketamine happen very quickly, and the victim might be aware of what is happening but has no ability to move. Ketamine cause blurred vision, loss of the sense of time, loss of identity, distorted perceptions of sound and sight, out of control feelings, numbness, loss of memory, convulsions, troubles with breathing, depression, aggressive behavior, slurred speech, vomiting, and high blood pressure.

(Information retrieved from the date rape drugs fact sheet at Women's Health.)

If you experience anything like this, get help. Call 9-1-1. These drugs are dangerous and are nothing to take chances with. Blood tests can determine if you were given a date rape drug. If you were raped, do not wait to get help. Do not shower, douche, or wash yourself. Do not brush your teethe and take the clothes you had on with you. Do not wash them because they could contain DNA evidence on them. It is important to leave everything "as it is" until the collection of evidence is complete.

Women's Self-Defense Techniques

Are You in a Scary Situation?

Check out this information for ways to evade a perpetrator:

Get Off Me! 5 Ways to Escape an Attacker

If you or someone you know has been a victim of sexual assault, call 911. For information online:

Hope for Healing

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Comments 13 comments

CassyLu1981 profile image

CassyLu1981 5 years ago from Spring Lake, NC

I got a text message from someone I didn't know yesterday asking me if I was available for dating! After telling them I was happily married I found out they were asking for a friend who saw a facebook profile from someone else who put the wrong phone number on the FB. REALLY???? I can't believe people actually do this! It's a crazy world out there these days. You'd think they would be a little more cautious. Great hub! Thanks!


GoodLady profile image

GoodLady 5 years ago from Rome, Italy

Excellent advice JenJen0703. I think number 5 is the one that's the most important. Any hesitation and it's "no". I once suffered some violence from a man who I did not want to know (gut reaction), but my friends all said "oh come on...don't be silly"), so ignoring my gut reaction a litle I continued to spend the afternoon with him and them...long time ago, but still I remember. Turned out badly, sadly.


JenJen0703 profile image

JenJen0703 5 years ago from Cereal City U.S.A. Author

Thanks for the comments CassyLu and GoodLady. People, especially women, need to protect themselves and be ready. Education is the key...


diogenes 5 years ago

Good advice for the distaff set. Now, how about one for us poor weak blokes; we get preyed upon too!

Bob


avorodisa profile image

avorodisa 5 years ago from Russia

Very useful hub. I remembered the movie 9 1/2 weeks reading it. It's just about setting your own rules and putting the limits in the relationship. We can go far, okay, but we are responsible for the steps that we take. And the regrets that we will later have. It is necessary to think at the very moment when you say "yes" when you go on a date or when you agree to something that your partner desires.


lokoyizone profile image

lokoyizone 5 years ago

Very nice and useful advice.

I hope all ladies read this article and take these tips to heart.


Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

Gypsy Rose Lee 5 years ago from Riga, Latvia

Great advice for those dating. There are quite a few crazies out there. I'm lucky and happily married but if I wasn't I'd certainly appreciate such good suggestions.


Sueswan 5 years ago

Hi Jen

Excellent tips!

I think it is most important to listen to your gut instinct.

Voted up and awesome.

Have a good evening.


MsDora profile image

MsDora 4 years ago from The Caribbean

Very useful hub and I voted. Will recommend to my university coed Purity Circle group. Thanks you for this precise summary of safety tips.


JenJen0703 profile image

JenJen0703 4 years ago from Cereal City U.S.A. Author

Thanks for the comment. I hope this article will help others. The whole dating scene is not just fun and games anymore. We have to watch our backs and keep ourselves safe.


SaferDates profile image

SaferDates 4 years ago

Excellent advice here!

In an effort to help promote safer dating awareness, we will share this very useful hub with our readers and would encourage others to do the same.


JenJen0703 profile image

JenJen0703 4 years ago from Cereal City U.S.A. Author

Thank you for the support. I have a couple friends who shared terrible stories about being raped in parking lots of bars because someone slipped something into their drink. We have to watch out for ourselves always.


SaferDates profile image

SaferDates 4 years ago

Yes we do. Additionally by sharing our information and experiences we can help watch out for others too.

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