Handling Meddlers and Busy Bodies

GOSSIPING WAS REAL IN MASTER ARTIST, VINCENT VAN GOGH'S DAY. THIS MASTERPIECE IS "TWO WOMEN TALKING AND DIGGING"
GOSSIPING WAS REAL IN MASTER ARTIST, VINCENT VAN GOGH'S DAY. THIS MASTERPIECE IS "TWO WOMEN TALKING AND DIGGING"

What You or I May Be Doing

That Attracts Meddlers, Busy Bodies,

and Gossips . . .

  • Too open with our personal information
  • Talk too much in front of these types of people
  • Have a tendency to share too often
  • Feel as we have to share all with people
  • We are made to feel guily if we don't share


First off

First, just let me say this. In the past weeks, I've been reading hubs by many talented writers on HubPages. Writers, whom I cannot name them all in this limited space, but writers with far-more talent than I. And by reading their hubs, I am left to believe that according to the HubPages guidelines, our hubs are to be Useful; Interesting; Can be used to teach others and subjects that are real. I pray that this hub is more useful than anything else. (KENNETH AVERY).

OKAY. LET'S BE REAL

They are everywhere. It doesn't matter where you or I go. They are there. Waiting. Calculating their next slick move. Eagerly-awaiting when and how they can slither into your personal life, gather touchy inside info that is reserved for you and your family, leave, and tell as many people as they can about you. Am I talking about deadly snakes? Kinda. Well, what to you want me to do, lie? Okay. To be sensitive, meddlers and or busy bodies. That is what people, even the Bible, calls people who do nothing all day but go from house-to-house talking about others in order to find out more about you so they can tell other people what you are doing.

Am I right? A better question would be, "have you ever been hurt by a meddler? A busy body?" If you are honest, you will answer yes. I know that over my life, I have been hurt many times by making the fatal mistake of confiding in a smiling face that led me to believe that I could trust the person behind the smiling face. This subject is so serious that next time you get a chance, listen to the classic hit by a group called, The Undisputed Truth , whose hit, "Smilin' Faces," skyrocketed to the top when it was released in the 70's. I love this song because there is a lot of truth in their lyrics. Truth be told, you or I, cannot trust many faces with smiles.

Before I get too involved with this story, allow me give you my definition of meddlers, busy bodies and gossips. Bear with me, because these are groups of people whom I have had very little experience with over the years by way of 'breaking bread,' sharing fellowship and taking them to the Annual Elks Lodge Fourth of July Picnic and Hoedown. Not that I am any better than these unique groups of people, it's just that every time I encounter a meddler, busy body or gossip, someone gets hurt. Me. Not them. I do not see the justice in that.

The Definition of

a Meddler is someone, for some reason, has this overwhelming, uncontrollable urge. Drive to poke into your personal business without invitation.

a Busy Body is pretty much, the same as a meddler, except to a more heightened degree. You see, a meddler is a selfish person. They meddle for the sake of themselves knowing all about your personal business where a busy body does dig into your intimate, personal details and carries this highly-sensitive information either to innocent people who don't know how to recognize a busy body, or to other busy bodies to compare notes of whom has the best inside knowledge of people they have encountered.

a Gossip is someone or a group of people who, for some mysterious reason sit around. Stand around. And talk about what they have heard. Over heard or been told in confidence by trusting. Good-hearted people. I would rank a gossip being as socially-dangerous as a busy body. Or first-cousins.

A BREAK-DOWN OF KNOWN TYPES OF MEDDLERS,

BUSY BODIES AND GOSSIPS

  1. The Smooth-Talking Meddler - is many times, your best friend. Your trusted neighbor. Or work colleague. A smooth-talking meddler can disguise their meddling by masking their pointed questions (about your business) with pseudo caring remarks that prod you into a caring trust for their concern.
  2. The Straight-Forward Meddler - just comes out and asks you about much you paid for your new car, or were you and your wife having a heated-argument last night for they, the straight-forward meddler overheard some high-toned vocal tones emanating from your house. This should be a red flag to you because your house is a good four blocks from the straight-forward meddler's house.
  3. The Humble "Acting" Busy Body - who just happens to show up at your house immediately after a scandal has broke into public news. Such as a public argument in the same church you attend as this humble 'acting' busy body. And this individual seems to be Christian enough to cover whatever suspicion you have to keep you confiding in him or her about the ruckus at church. Don't be surprised. Alarmed. Or upset when what you have said in confidence to this Ol' Boy/Girl - gossip. This person is hard to spot. They are always laughing. Slapping you on the back. Helping you with every task that you ask them to help you with. They come in male or female roles and can fool the best of people. Why? They know, by some secret power, that you are 'down and out,' and need someone to talk to. Here they are. They show up right on time. When you are at your lowest. And their craft of gathering gossip is so perfected that the C.I.A. could take lessons from them. They simply suggest that you need to, as they put it, "unload. For I'm here, buddy," and that does it. You have always trusted them. So why not unload (in confidence) what's bothering you? Well, you do. For hours. Unload. And unload. About how a certain guy (or girl) has treated you. Do not be alarmed that in the next few days, this person you were talking about to fun-loving, good ol' boy or girl, shuns you. Avoids you. And leaves you stunned. You know why? This same do-gooder, the one whose shoulder you cried on for hours, visited this other person and unloaded on them to gain some social status.

DO NOT PANIC

For there are some very easy ways that you can not only deal with, but successfully overcome the advances and annoying burden of the meddler, busy body and gossip. Without feeling guilty, shamed, or wanting to call them and apologize.

FIRST - be brave. Yes, brave. You do not have to cower to the meddler, busy body or gossip. Your personal business is your business. Not mine. Not theirs. Not anyone else's. Keep it on that level. YOUR business.

SECOND - stand your ground when a known meddler, busy body or gossip meets you in public or even at your front door. Do not be afraid to ask, "May I help you?" And when they give you some flimsy excuse for their being at your house unannounced, smile. Clam up. And keep your mouth shut. It will not hurt these people who love to carry tales from house to house to be in suspense. Stop being a welcome mat. You are at home. You are not compelled to answer any questions. From anyone. Except the authorities. And my wager is that your common, garden-variety meddler, busy body or gossip is far from a local policemen. A state investigator. Or F.B.I. agent.

THIRD - be nice. As the late Patrick Swayse's character, "Dalton," the cooler in Road House advised his bouncers. Just be nice. Even to the meddler, busy body or gossip. By acting up. Showing your anger. Being rude, you are playing into their hands. Just be calm. Nice. And say very little. This will be your best defense.

Read This Mock Conversation

and See If You Can Profit By Using This . . .

MEDDLER: Say, Bill. That's a lovely car you just bought. Uh, how much did you pay for her. Bet it was a fortune, huh?

YOU: (smiling) Excuse me, Tim. Why do you ask?

MEDDLER: Oh, errr, just curious. Was it more than $25,000? Bet it was!

YOU (still smiling) Well, Tim, (laughs), I have to ask again, why?

MEDDLER: man, you sure are a private person. I never meant any harm. See ya'

YOU (still smiling) no problem, Tim. Take it easy.

Now you see how easy that was? You didn't get upset. Angry. Ready to rumble. No, you carried yourself like a champ. Tim won't be back for a long time. Unless you have blabbed to more neighbors, he may never know how much your new car cost you.

Another prime example would be if a busy body, a colleague or person who goes to the same church as you, should happen to gain entrance to your house with by means of wanting to ask some advice of you. I must say that anytime a known busy body "needs" advice from you, just be on guard. Watch what you say. And things will work fine.

For Example . . .

YOU (being nice) oh, uh, come in, George. Have a seat.

GEORGE/BUSY BODY: oh, uh, thanks so much. My you have a lovely house. You've got new furniture since I last visited.

YOU: Thanks, George. Now what advice was it that you needed from me? And could you make it snappy, my wife is wanting to go out this evening. Get my drift? (strictly a strategic move. And a wise move at that).

GEORGE/BUSY BODY: Well, uh, I don't know how to say this, but, now understand, I'm not here to talk about anyone, but, did you hear what Larry said last night after church, when we were standing in the parking lot?

YOU: No, George, I didn't. And what is what Larry said any of my business?

GEORGE/BUSY BODY: Oh, uh, ha, ha. I'm sorry. Didn't mean to rub you the wrong way, but Larry seems to think that, now mind you, I didn't believe him, you and John are trying to force him out of the Men's Club. And I was, uh, just concerned.

YOU: George, that's nice of you, but why?

GEORGE/BUSY BODY: Why? Well, uh, errr, I, guess I thought that you might, uh, well,hey, I got to be running. See ya' at the office.

YOU: George, what was that advice you needed?

GEORGE/BUSY BODY: Oh, never mind. I will talk at ya' later.

See there, friends? You didn't do anything wrong. You didn't say anything wrong. When you defused George, the busy body's leverage, he was left without a leg to stand on. And when he knew that you were not the least bit interested in his "20 questions" game, he was left with one option: to leave.

Now granted, there are 'those' times when pushed too far, a person has to use a firm tone voice to deal with meddlers, busy bodies and gossips. But NEVER, in public or private, unless you or your family are being endangered, use physical force to keep your business to yourself. A physical encounter is just what the meddler, busy body and gossip's slick lawyer ordered. For you to cause this annoyance some harm so they can clean you out in court.

Let's say that you have been nice, cordial, easy to get along with until the meddler, busy body or gossip's personal questions get to be too much. How can you handle this without looking like a 'dastardly Dan'?

Easy. Here are some VOCAL examples of how you can rid yourself of a meddler, busy body or gossip and still come out smelling like Stetson cologne for men.

  • What's it to you, buddy?
  • I don't see as that's any of your business.
  • Did I not say, "that matter is personal?"
  • I am sorry, but I cannot discuss that with you.
  • Why are you wanting to know?
  • Why is it so important to you to find out how much my wife weighs?
  • I don't want to hurt your feelings, but I don't have to answer you.
  • Let's just change the subject.
  • I don't care what Marty told you, I am not discussing my new house with you.
  • My wife and kids are my concern.
  • I am not repeating this again, "please don't ask that question again."

So with this piece under your belt, and hopefully in your memories, you shouldn't live in any fear at all of any meddler, busy body or gossip. You can hold your head up like a fine American man or woman. Be proud. Be thankful you live in a country where a person's business is their own area of concern.

Walk with your pride showing. Your chest out. A smile on your face. You are now a better-informed person. From now on, meddlers, busy bodies, and gossips will tremble when you walk by. They will know better to ask you annoying, invasive, and personal questions.

Like, "Did you really read all of my article?" What did your wife think about my article?

Those kind of questions.











© 2011 Kenneth Avery

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Comments 53 comments

HattieMattieMae profile image

HattieMattieMae 5 years ago from Limburg, Netherlands

Excellent hub! That is why I stay out of other people's business, more peaceful for me and them! No drama, no trauma! Works for me! :)


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello, Hattie! THANK YOU FROM THE HEART! I just finished this and I am beat. And Im glad that we agree. But in my case, even when I do as you and stay out of other's lives, they attack me at will. Guess I need to practice what I write,huh? Thanks again, KENNETH


Becky Katz profile image

Becky Katz 5 years ago from Hereford, AZ

My neighbor was being pumped for information about us by one of the other neighbors. One day my husband was coming in with our grandchildren. The stranger neighbor was asking the friend neighbor who the kids were. My husband looked at her and asked. "Why, are you a pedophile looking for victims?" The stranger neighbor has not pumped friend neighbor for information since then.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

LOL, WOW, Becky! GREAT comment. GREAT line by your husband!!!! What a guy. Wish I had his bravery. Tell him I said, way to go! And to YOU, Thank YOU so MUCH for the warm comment that made my entire day! Highest Regards, KENNETH


hot dorkage profile image

hot dorkage 5 years ago from Oregon, USA

Just for the record, most gossips don't think they are being gossips. They think everyone should know the lowdown on everyone else just so people have the maximum amount of info and be warned ahead of time about any potential pitfalls in a relationship with some third party. They think they are being helpful providing everyone with juicy tidbits.

It's pretty easy to fend off a meddlesome person, but what's not so easy is when people create a false idea based on something you do. Sometimes no one even says a word. Like back when I was a kid mom went to this bible study thing at church (without Dad, who liked to golf on Sunday mornings) She went a few times then quit. I said mom why did you quit going to the bible study? She said I could tell that all the people there assumed I was there on the prowl it's possible no one even said anything, they all just automatically assumed it. I didn't know until later what "on the prowl" meant, but she definitely wasn't.


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 5 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

Ken....A long time ago, a very wise man said, "Intelligent people talk about IDEAS, Smart people talk about EVENTS and ignorant people, TALK ABOUT EACH OTHER.....I believe this 100%. I have my own little tricks for stopping a gossiper in their tracks...and I USE them whenever needed! Great hub, Ken.


Mizsnow profile image

Mizsnow 5 years ago

Awesome Hub but there is one Major meddler we all over loo that being the Teenage Girl LoL...


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello, hot dorkage,

You are absolutely right in your analogy. That has happened to me..in church. A man supposedly called to be a deacon, a position of responsibility and service, said to me in front of a group of people, "Saw you coming out of somewhere you shouldn't have been," and had that evil, satanic grin on his face. As a young Christian, I was in fear for I had not committed whatever he was implying, and before I knew it, I replied, "Where was that, brother? I want to know. Now." His face turned red, he tried to giggle, and just walked away. He was trying his best to create a fact from nothing. And Im sorry that your mom was treated so rudely. Some people, like the ones who did her that way, should not have a tongue. Thank you so much for sharing. And thank you for the comment. Ive missed you. Sincerely, Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, fpherj48! I bet you do have ways to stop gossipers in their tracks. Ive never had the courage to say, "Why is that anything to you?" For fear of making someone angry. But now at my age and with these diseases I have, I don't care as much to make people upset when they are prying into my life for no reason. Thanks so much for your comment. Have a good day! Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Mizsnow . . .yes, I forgot "her." Thank you for correcting me. Ahhh, the teenage girl. Wish I had included her, but not all of the teenage girl's gossip is bad, but love stories, what she said, he said, and what did you say, kind of things. But I do need your ideas and input. Thanks, Mizsnow. Kenneth


hot dorkage profile image

hot dorkage 5 years ago from Oregon, USA

In experience I have found that men gossip just as much as women. There is a difference in how they do it, as a group. The women tend to be more overtly verbal, whereas the men tend to speak in code or to be passive aggressive about it, like avoiding saying something good when they should. e.g. the gay guy is really good at his job, but his colleague fails to mention it to the boss, so the gay guy does not get the promotion.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

hot dorkage, right again. I could never gossip that well as a teenager, or as an adult, my face and eyes are dead give aways that Im sharing something that should be left alone. And now in my old age, I do. Thanks for your insight. Appreciate it. KENNETH


sharewhatuknow profile image

sharewhatuknow 5 years ago from Western Washington

I am a Christian but never joined a church or fellowship for this very reason. I don't care to be a member of a large group and as soon as some little something happens with me, my marriage or with my children it all gets back to them. Regardless if I said anything to anyone or not.

My mother who lives in Arkansas has a neighbor whose parents actually own a very small church a couple of miles away. He also mows her yard for additional income, but before he does lets her know what he heard from so and so about so and so...

It makes my mother cringe. After all, what is he saying to others about her?

Very well said and informative hub Kenneth. Definitely voted up, useful and interesting.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, sharewhatuknow...THANKS SO MUCH for the truth in your comment. I agree with you. In a church body I left, this was why, well, one of the reasons and the first reason is that 1 man took over the church--disagreed with whatever people said...he was in a position of authority and pretty much made it known by his actions that it was HIS church. This was too much. Hog Wash, if you want the truth. And this church had its little power groups who gossiped, but masked it for the truth...what a lie. I got physically sick each Saturday night before the Sunday I would go to this church...I believe that God was telling me, "enough is enough," and I listened one Sunday. And left. Thank you for your comment. God bless you. KENNETH


mary615 profile image

mary615 5 years ago from Florida

Like Forrest Gump: I never know what I'm gonna get when I read your Hubs! You have a great sense of humor! We used to play the "gossip" game when I was a kid. Everyone lines up, and the first person makes a statement. Each person repeats the statement. By the time it gets to the last person, the statement is completely different from when it started. Keep them coming, I like to be entertained!


Alecia Murphy profile image

Alecia Murphy 5 years ago from Wilmington, North Carolina

I love your hub. It's one thing to be generally interested in someone else's life and ask polite questions but it's another to be all in someone's business. Building a relationship will evolve in a real and natural way, but some people obviously can't take the hint.

Voted up and awesome!


Sueswan 5 years ago

Hi Kenneth,

Yes, I read all of your article and enjoyed every bit of it. LOL

I know a couple of woman at work who bad mouth each other. Well, she blah blah. My reply is, "I have never had a problem with her."

I know it is not good to gossip but I think everybody does it. It is malicious gossip that is bad.

I remember a boss of mine who said that I don't gossip like the others. I said,"I do but I just don't run in and tell you about it." He started to laugh.

Thanks for ending my day on a good note Kenneth with this very useful, funny and entertaining hub.

Voted up up and away!

Have a good night.


always exploring profile image

always exploring 5 years ago from Southern Illinois

Great story and some good advice. When i learn that a person is a gossip, i tell them nothing, soon they don't come around. I hate gossip. I always think when a person is a gossip, they need to get a life, they are probably just bored..Voted up up and away...Cheers


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello, Mary615, and THANK YOU for the comment and warm memory of the 'gossip game,' that I also remember. What fun that game was! And as long as it stays within the framework of a game, I don't have an issue with THAT style of gossip, but the harsh, hurtful gossip, really irks me. Thanks, Mary for your honest comment and thanks for the votes. I can always count on you to make my mornings or evenings. Sincerely, KENNETH


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello, Alecia...you are absolutely right. Polite questions are fine, but those obviously-prying questions can be more than I can tolerate--because I know what the gossip, meddler or busy body is up to in the first place. I need to start taking the 'bull by the horns,' so to speak, and stop it in its tracks. I read what a wise man from China said about gossip: "He who gossips TO you will gossip ABOUT you," and Ive kept that in my heart. Good advice for me to have. Thanks, Alecia for the comments and votes. Sincerely, Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dearest Sueswan . . ."Sincerely, THANK YOU, for your comment, reading my hubs, and your votes. Appreciate it all. Very MUCH!" I agree, light gossip, that of sharing truthful info is fine, and like you, the malicious gossip is the one that hurts. And then there are the gossips who not only tell one truth but dig up the mistakes of the past about whom they are gossiping about to make their tale even more poisonous. Those are the kind who we need to either set straight to tell to hit the bricks. Thanks, Susan, for your votes and comments. My day is made. Highest Regards, Kenneth


Sueswan 5 years ago

Dearest Kenneth

People who dig up the mistakes of another's past are poisonous. I had a friend who mocked me for an incident that I lost my temper over.

There were other things this so called friend did that hurt me. I kept my feelings to myself because I know I can be overly sensitive.

Digging up something from my past that was humiliating for me, was the straw that broke the camels back. I did not say a word, just got up and left.

I hope you are having a good day.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dearest Susan, been that road lots of times, hurt by people. And it was a family member who did the digging. That, to me, was very low and less of character. Not even what the argument was about. And yes, you did the WISE thing in leaving. You may not see it, but you kept your dignity, self-esteem and peace about you. And yes, this was a "poisonous" person that you and I need to avoid. Unless they show me that they have changed into a sensible person. YOU have a GREAT day, Susan. Enjoy yourself. I am going to have some coffee and rest on my couch for a bit. My old body is telling me its break time. Thanks again for YOUR sweet and truthful comments. Highest Regards, Kenneth


Rebecca E. profile image

Rebecca E. 5 years ago from Canada

this is a very well done, hub and I enjoyed reading it, and it does give great advice. Best one of all? Keep your mouth shut. Busy bodies tend to go away when you do that.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

LOL, you are correct, my GOOD friend, Rebecca E. Thanks for the back-up and support. I DO appreciate YOUR comments and input. I will do my best to do that...keep my trap shut and that is like garlic to a vampire...bad news! LOL. KENNETH


HikeGuy profile image

HikeGuy 5 years ago from Northern California Coast

I enjoyed this. I like to follow the maxims my grandmother taught me. Over time, I've developed a sense of people to avoid -- I liked your suggestions. If you don't engage with people who are prying, they get nothing to feed on. And maintaining boundaries while being polite works best. Some people get a thrill out of riling people up, so no point feeding that illness. Wise words here -- thank you.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, HikeGuy, and THANK YOU VERY MUCH, for this sensitive comment. And I appreciate YOU LIKING these suggestions. I know a lot of people such as this who live in my town, but since the town is small, I know who they are and can leave them at a distance. I would, if in the way with them, be civil, for I am not a brute. But giving away personal info, no way. Thanks again, KENNETH


Del Sandeen 5 years ago

Great hub, Kenneth! I just smile and go on my way, though I will say that since I work at home now, I'm able to avoid so much of this drama, thank goodness!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Del Sandeen . . .Thank you, kindly! That put a smile on MY face, YOU LIKING one of my hubs. You see, Ive read some of your hubs and other hubs from other writers and I always find myself hitting my face against the cement knowing that I am not as talented as you guys. But I DO appreciate YOUR warm support. God bless you. KENNETH


family2010 profile image

family2010 5 years ago

Thanks, very nice definition you laid for us out there. meddlers and gossipers are out there, and they are usually being identified with the women character. As for me, I usually thank the person who deliver a gossip that was told behind my back, so I know how to defend myself against it.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello, family2010, "Thank YOU so MUCH, for the nice comment. I agree with you. And sometimes in my past, when I was braver, I would ask, "is 25 cents enough for that delivery?" And the bearer of the gossip about me would get mad and leave. OH how I wish I had put that into this. Thanks, family2010, you are a SUPER FRIEND. Have a Great Thanksgiving. Kenneth


mljdgulley354 profile image

mljdgulley354 5 years ago

Kenneth, great hub. Learning to not let people get to you is a long, unpaved road. For me, I just let people know what you see is what you get. I have learned to laugh at myself and that does take away a lot of power meddlers and gossips seem to think they have. As we get older, it takes to much energy to put up with the dramas this type of folk seem to thrive on. When they are putting others down they seem to think it builds them up.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Thanks so MUCH, my new friend, mljdgulley! And the older I get, the more I want to ignore meddlers and busy-bodies, which is a paradoxical term--they are not busy, as in productive work, but busy at stirring up strife. Thanks for the insight and the new phrase, 'power meddlers,' I will keep that in mind. Kenneth


suzettenaples profile image

suzettenaples 5 years ago from Taos, NM

Well, kenneth, you get down to the nitty-gritty in life, and I love it! This is quite humorous! You hit on topics that we all can relate to with no problem. Who hasn't had this problem? I just never get around to answering the question or smile and go about my business. This usually unnerves busy-bodies.

Also, I think your writing is a hit on hubpages as you have 515 followers; I only have 77 followers. I notice most of your followers are women; that's not bad for a man who thinks he's ignored and NOT the life of the party. You have great photos on all your hubs and just where do you get them? And don't IGNORE me!

I love the comment about Kenneth being a non-attention getting name. Take it from one who has an attention getting name - Suzette - life is not always easier on the other side of the fence. I literally had a lawsuit based around my name one time - some people didn't know whether to call me Sue, Suzette or Susie - go figure! Suzette is just fine with me, I told them. So did my attorney tell them too. They finally got the message and we settled out of court. Some busy bodies take info collecting to a ridiculous level.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear Suzette, let me address one comment at a time. First I thank you, from the heart, for THIS and all of your humble and very-nice comments. Sweet, in fact. More than I deserve. I have more women than men because in my opinion, and this IS NOT an apple polish, Women are much smarter and more creative than men. I said it and not taking it back. I was raised by my mom while my dad was away at various jobs when I was a tyke, thus the comfort I feel when I am around women. And your system of stalling to answer a busy-body is IDEAL...I will use that the next time says, "Its none of my business, but...." and you know they are prying when they preface their statement with that verbiage. And Suzette is a beautiful name. I am reminded of the actress, the beautiful Suzanne, right, or Suzette Pleshette? Oh, okay. Suzanne, but still, she pops into my mind when I see YOUR Name. I can't help it. I appreciate you and your mentoring so much. I am far from being through with you. Next hub, (HINTING) you might be called on to tell me how to make certain starlets in Hollywood leave me alone. Kenneth


2patricias profile image

2patricias 4 years ago from Sussex by the Sea

Pat says: my dear departed mother was a very private person, but also very kind. She didn't like to hurt anybody's feelings, but she didn't like being asked personal questions. She usually answered anyway, because she didn't know how to politely tell someone not to be nosy.

One day she read an advice column (maybe Ann Landers) and read the suggestion of replying to a question with a question - such as "why do you ask?"

So, the next time she was asked what she thought an inappropriate question she replied "why do you ask?"

And the woman replied "because I want to know!"

My mother was so taken aback that she answered the question.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

2Patricias...Pat, your mother is my idol! I don't go around hurting feelings...on Hubs or anywhere. But I cannot stand for, even my one sister, who has this "just have to know or world will end" attitude and pokes and prods me all the time about personal stuff. Wy' last week she was 'upset' because I wasn't having the traditional turkey and dressing for Chrismas lunch....I, after much brow beating, asked, "Why is this, me eating turkey and dressing such a big deal for you? Is it a law of the universe to eat turkey and dressing on holidays?" That made her angry. But I felt liberated. Thanks for your sweet comment, Pat. I look forward to reading and enjoying more of your works. Have a Happy 2012.///Kenneth


sickofit 4 years ago

I am so tired of double faced people especially those past the age of 15 . Please grow out of it.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, sickofit . . .(love that name), me too. In my hometown if you meet a girl or boy past 15 and they are REAL and super-nice, you are dreaming. Thanks for the lively and honest input.


ohclerk 2 years ago

I have a upstairs neighbor who does nothing but gossip. She and her friends listen to every I mean everything that gets talked about in my home even when my man and I have sex. I wish I could just curse them out and tell them to find something else more important than me to focus on.


Few words 2 years ago

I have someone who tells me my every going and coming and visitor. When she does this, hoping I will give her details, I just say, "Really?" very kindly and change the subject to the weather.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, ohclerk,

What a twisted situation. People need privacy in order to live their lives. Ever asked her if she knows what eavesdropping means?

One day you might have to be firm and tell her to leave you be.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello, Few Words,

Sometimes what you are doing is the best way to handle an "all-detail" talking person.

Thanks for stopping by.


cellis1977 profile image

cellis1977 16 months ago

I have a family member who has crossed the line on so many occasions. This was good advice. I have no desire to keep in touch or to associate or be associated with these people but they don't seem to be able to take the hint. Im not going to lie, I want to fight them. Nothing would make me feel better than to beat their ass and put them in their place but I know that's not a realistic option unless I want to go to jail and be sued. Its so hard to bite your tongue when you know they are a snake in the grass and you want to chop them off at the head (in a figure of speech). I hate toxic people.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 16 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

cellis1977,

I hear you loud and clear in your comment. And thank you for the valuable input too.

I know people who used to do the same thing in my family and when I started NOT attending those family get-togethers, they got the hint. And I respect you for your self-control.

I wish you peace and a good night. Come back and visit me anytime.


Randy Godwin profile image

Randy Godwin 16 months ago from Southern Georgia

Hi Ken, some great advice but I cannot find the correct option to vote on in your poll. See, the way I handle meddlers is to be as out-spoken as they are. For instance:

Oncwe when I was around 15 years old I was attending church--I was forced to attend until I was 16--a lady known for her nosiness asked me " when are you going to get that nasty long hair cut." I was already performing in a band at that age and washed my hair every night but simply smiled and replied, "I'll get my hair cut when you lose about 30 pounds, Etta May."

Needless to say, the rather rotund matron never ventured to insult me again. LOL!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 16 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

LOL! Randy Godwin,

Nice comeback!

I love how you defended yourself without going all illegal on that woman. I knew a busy body like her and it was in an early church that I was attending at the time.

She had "the" busy body look and would make her way to me to ask personal questions as she did every church member.

The best way I found was to simply say nothing, smile as big as possible and listen to her mumble to herself as she huffed away.

Ahhh, good times. (quote by Stephen Colbert).

Come back and visit with me anytime.


Randy Godwin profile image

Randy Godwin 16 months ago from Southern Georgia

HA! I even had to straighten my aunt out when I stopped attending church. She came up to me one day and said, "I want you to start going back to church so all of us kinfolk can be together in heaven for eternity."

I looked at her in mock horror and replied, "Aunt -----, being with all of my relatives for eternity is not my idea of heaven." She never bugged me about attending church again. :o


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 16 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Randy,

Wow, what bravery you had. My aunts would have glared a hole in me and drove into the ground. They were the ones who cut the lumber (with their hands) to help build The Old School.

Thanks for sharing your adventures with me.


Efficient Admin profile image

Efficient Admin 12 months ago from Charlotte, NC

Then there is the type of gossipy busy-body that love to go behind your back and interfere in your personal life after you shared personal information with them. The way to handle that is to tell them the exact opposite of what you are doing and then they will run around in a wild goose chase. Yes it may be mean, but it works.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 12 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi , Effiicient Admin,

This is sheer genius. I LOVE it. Thank you for your sweet comment.

Merry Chistmas!

Love you.


Carol Morris profile image

Carol Morris 6 months ago

Thanks for this interesting read. I only tell people things that I really don't mind others (anyone) knowing. I'm lucky to have less meddlers in my life because I work alone.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 6 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, Carol Morris,

No, thank you for your reading this hub and leaving a comment that I enjoyed. I too, am somewhat of a loner and cannot work efficiently with people crowding around me.

I appreciate you taking time to read this. You can write me anytime you like and now I am headed to your page in HP and check your hubs.

Kenneth

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