How can I tell if my partner is a psychopath?

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Have you ever wondered if you are living with a psychopath? Is it possible you suspect you might be dating a psychopath? If you are reading this I am guessing there is a distinct possibility that you personally feel you could be, or maybe suspect someone you know already is. The reason I am writing this article is that I have just realised I probably spent two and a half years of my life living with a psychopath, but I just never recognised that he was one. It was such a traumatic time in my life that I previously wrote an article on my experience called Living with a Control Freak. The article I wrote was a lengthy one, not least because it was really hard to condense everything he did to me and put me through, into a five minute read. If you do decide to read the article be prepared to spend a good ten to fifteen minutes on it in order to hear the two and a half years of my life condensed as much as I can without excluding too much of the hell he put me through.

So right now you are probably curious to know how I am now certain he was a psychopath, and you also want to know how you can determine if the person you suspect is also one. I want to share with you how I realised that my ex was truly psychopathic in nature, and give you an actual checklist that was recently given to me, and that made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end.

"Is My Partner a Psychopath?" Checklist

This list was passed on to me by a family member, and whilst I had long since accepted that my ex-fiance was a control freak, I had not even considered he might have been an actual psychopath. Now I am absolutely positive he was a psychopath in the true sense of the word, and God knows what he is capable of. Apart from anything else I am extremely concerned that this man is still walking around in society, and I am actively checking the obituary columns regularly in the hope I see his name listed. Does this make me a bad person? I don't believe it does as I can never totally relax as long as this man is free to mix with society.

The Psychopath Checklist

  • Grandiose sense of self-worth
  • Impulsiveness
  • Failure to accept responsibility for own actions
  • Pathological lying
  • Lack of realistic long term goals
  • Need for stimulation / proneness to boredom
  • Cunning and manipulative
  • Callous lack of empathy
  • Promiscuous sexual behaviour
  • Lack of remorse or guilt
  • Glibness or superficial charm
  • Shallow affect (superficial range or depth of feelings)
  • Early behaviour problems
  • Parasitic lifestyle
  • Irresponsibility
  • Many short term relationships
  • Juvenile delinquency
  • Revocation of conditional release (e.g. probation)
  • Poor behavioural controls
  • Criminal versatility

Comparisons to my Ex!

I won't bore you with every last comparison I drew from the list to my ex partner, (you will need to read the Living with a Control Freak hub if you want the full picture), but I would like to list just a few points he was a sure fire match on:

Grandiose sense of self worth: A definite tick on this one. As a singer by profession he was adamant he was 'the best singer there had ever been', and he based this on the fact he could 'do what they all could do, but they couldn't do everything he could do'.

Failure to accept responsibility for own actions: Whether he was hitting me, trying to strangle our dog or stabbing our mutual friend, he always blamed this on the other party.

Pathological lying: A trait this man had for the many years I knew him, and one that everyone who knows him to this day would confirm. If his lips are moving he is lying.

Cunning and manipulative: Most definitely! He could creep around anyone and convince them he was a nice guy, yet as soon as they were out of earshot he would slate them completely to anyone who would listen. In the meantime these people would help him out and he would happily use them, in the much the same way as he did me.

Lack of realistic long-term goals: He talked about trying to get his ex-girlfriend to move to Tenerife purely so he could be near his baby daughter who he had never met (and later discarded). He must have known he could never have afforded a second apartment for them, and could not have had them living with us. Even if we had split up he would have found having them around interfered with his ability to bring other women home with him. Later he tried to get custody of his daughter even though she had an excellent Mother. I am sure he only did this out of spite and his control freak tendencies, but no Guernsey court would ever have awarded him custody, especially if they had found out about his history of having stabbed someone in Tenerife. To make matters worse all his legal action was paid for by legal aid as he wasn't working, so the taxpayer paid for a case that was always unrealistic.

Callous lack of empathy: Another big tick. If I ever mentioned my first Husband who had died a few years earlier, I was accused of 'still being in love with a dead man'. If other people were suffering and fundraising events were organised, he would get involved in the charity events (as a singer / compere), but then find a way to pocket some of the proceeds for his own gain.

Promiscuous sexual behaviour: For sure. Even when I first met this man when I was a naïve teenager he had a history of being promiscuous, usually with teenage girls barely of legal age, and who were generally virgins. The fact that by then he was on his second marriage did not stop him, and later he married a third time and was subsequently divorced. After I got together with him and we moved to Tenerife he still managed to claim indignation at infidelity, even though I found out about at least one girl he brought back to his apartment for an overnight stay (during a time we continued our relationship from separate apartments), and two weeks after he left me to move back to Guernsey, he announced he had a new girlfriend he had met in Tenerife. In spite of his denials I am positive he was sleeping with her during her holiday on Tenerife. He is now married to this woman too, and she is actually a very nice person. What she doesn't know which I do, is that he has already been unfaithful to her at least once.

Lack of remorse or guilt: All I can say on this is that if you punch your own fiancé more than once, try to strangle a frightened pet poodle, play constant mind games with your partner, are unfaithful to a loving, adoring woman, and ultimately stab an innocent man for simply protesting with you face to face for lies you told about his fiancé, and then still claim you were innocent of any wrongdoing, then you have a serious problem.

Glibness or superficial charm: This is something he spent his life doing. Convincing other people he was 'Mr Likeable', a nice bloke, helpful, intelligent etc. He actually had a stack of people, both male and female who genuinely gravitated towards him and strongly believed every word he said. He was, and probably still is, the ultimate conman.

Shallow affect (superficial range or depth of feelings): He would claim to care for people, not just in relationships, but also in family members, but when it came to being there for them he could not sustain it. Even those women he committed to could not hold his attention for long because he had the mentality that needed constant proof of his own continued ability to attract the opposite sex. As for his family, he had no interest in paying maintenance for his daughter back in Guernsey. When he finally returned there he had no choice (although his new wife ended up paying this as she was the only one working because he found a way to claim he couldn't). After his return to Guernsey he tried to get custody of his daughter from her natural Mother, including using lies to try to achieve this. When things over time went wrong he refused to see his daughter any more, even though she was still under six years old. She is now over nine years old and has no contact with him, nor does she want any!

Parasitic lifestyle: This is one that particularly grates with me. When I got together with this man I made the mistake of mentioning I had £5000 in the bank, a small legacy from my late Husband. It was amazing how quickly he managed to then persuade me to move to Tenerife with him, so using this money to get us (him) started in an apartment and give him time to secure work singing. I strongly suspect I would have held far less interest for him if I had been penniless other than the fact he knew I was totally committed and in love with him. He also freely admitted to me that he had moved in with his ex girlfriend purely because she had a council house and it saved him paying out the high Guernsey rental prices. This same young woman ended up pregnant by him and is the mother of the child he now has nothing to do with. She is a good and decent person who did not deserve any of his appalling treatment of her.

Additionally at the time of our relationship I was receiving a small £168 a month pension from my late Husband. This man told me I should be handing this over to him each month to control where it went. He was not at all happy I refused to do this, even though most of that money got spent on household stuff like food. When I did spend about £500 over several months on some new clothes, he gave a mutual friend, (a male saxophonist) of his the impression he had bought the clothes. It took yet another row in the presence of both him, the friend and myself, for me to find this out, and then set the record straight. I still don't know if the 'friend' believed me or him, as my ex had the uncanny knack of getting people to see me as the problem, and this friend clearly favoured his opinion in general.

Revocation of conditional release (e.g. probation): I found this one of the most stunning examples on the psychopath list. The reason this made me choke out loud was because after my ex-fiance stabbed a man innocent of any wrong doing, he was arrested by the Guardia Civil in Tenerife and kept in custody overnight. The following day he was in court and was released on the condition that he reported to the Police station every Wednesday until further notice. The only reason he was released is that (in my opinion), the legal system in Tenerife has some major flaws, one of which is that they let him go based on the fact this incident happened in his own kitchen, and (according to him) they said it is acceptable to defend yourself in your own property. This would be okay to a point if the guy had attacked him, but I was there, as was another passer by, and this guy did not attack my ex at all, he merely tried to take the knife off him. The Guardia Civil and the Policia Locale both failed to even attempt to interview either myself, the other witness or the victim. Essentially he got off because of a non-existent investigation. For about five months my ex did report in to the Police station every Wednesday, but before they ever got to the stage where they told him he need not 'sign in' every week any more, he decided to return to Guernsey, and he simply got on a plane and left. This must surely come under the heading of 'Revocation of conditional release (e.g. probation)'.

Poor behavioural controls: Assuming this means 'by the parents' I totally saw this. His Mother honestly thought the sun shone out of his backside. She was visibly jealous of any woman he was with in a romantic sense of the word, and was known to offer to 'cover for him' if he wanted to sneak off and have sex with a random woman behind his current partner's back! Clearly she could not differentiate between right and wrong where her son was concerned and was a terrible role model. The irony was out of the four children she had, this level of over protection and adoration only appeared to be aimed at this one adult child.

If it doesn't refer to the parents, then as a person he had very poor behavioural controls. Attacking me, trying to strangle our dog, stabbing our friend, and throwing major tantrums if I disagreed with his opinion or refused to do as I was told and knuckle down to his demands. This man is mentally sick, and even told me that he had previously had a breakdown and had been diagnosed as Schizophrenic. Now whether this is true or not I might never know, but if it was he should surely have been on medications, which he certainly wasn't taking. I do however know someone who used to drive on the mini-bus service for the local psychiatric hospital here in Guernsey, and they told me they recalled him, but I cannot prove for sure they are correct.

Summary

I could cover pretty much all of the other characteristics on the list here, although many of them merge into other headings. Certainly anyone who reads my 'control freak' article will recognise other similarities to the psychopath list that I have probably omitted here. I would urge any of you reading this who suspects your boyfriend, Husband, girlfriend, Wife, family member or friend might be a psychopath based on what you have experienced or witnessed, to act on this now, either by getting out of the relationship, or by warning others or encouraging the individual to get help before it is too late.

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Comments 52 comments

Muhammad Adrish profile image

Muhammad Adrish 4 years ago

Wow Nice Look :)


phoenixarizona profile image

phoenixarizona 4 years ago from Australia

A fantastic hub! I hope that someone out there reads this before it is too late. Like you, I sit on the other side of this fence and sadly there are still so many walking along the opposite side without realising it.

Misty this is truly great work and may save someone's life! I'm so glad you wrote it!


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 4 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

Thanks phoenixarizona, that is high praise indeed. I too hope it saves someone's life, or at the very least they get out of truly horrible relationship as a result of knowing what lies ahead.


LORD ENKI 4 years ago from CANADA

If you want to know how a person(i.e)potenial partner will treat you,watch how they treat there parent of the opposite sex.How a man treats and behaves around his mother is how is is going to treat you.Watch out for the I statement during conversation,everything will be I this me that it's all about them!ME,ME,ME!!!


Seeker7 profile image

Seeker7 4 years ago from Fife, Scotland

OMG! This is awesome but absolutely terrifying! I'm really glad that you are out of his clutches! I guess that the charm of these psychopaths lures you into a false sense of security until it's too late - that is the really frightening thing. They way the manipulate and control everything to suit them and no one else.

A really great hub and hopefully in some way this has helped you a little to get over what that monster did to you. I think anyone who went near any of my dogs I would do to them what they did to my dogs!!!

Voted up + awesome


Paradise7 profile image

Paradise7 4 years ago from Upstate New York

I feel sorry for anyone involved with someone like this...it's hard for me to understand why a person would stay with such a faulty character.


Green Lotus profile image

Green Lotus 4 years ago from Atlanta, GA

I read this Hub slowly from start to finish (something I admit, I do not do 100% of the time!)..but this is one of your most powerful and thought provoking Hubs. I'm so sorry for the loss of your first husband and I'm sad you endured years of the kind of abuse you describe with your ex. Thankfully you had the good sense and strength to get out! Not everyone does, but for those who read this, perhaps it will help to open up a conversation with those who can give support and advice.

I will say that even if people can tick off 90% of the above list they need to remove themselves from the relationship. Full blown psychopaths are deadly, but toxic people (those who score close to 100%) will destroy you too. It's not always an easy task, especially when the person is family and does not exhibit violent behavior. I've learned to deal the best I can with a very cunning yet dysfunctional relative who scores high on your test, but the task seems endless and there's always the guilt. Thanks again for writing this. Rated up and useful.


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD

This is a really amazing hub. Thank you so much for sharing this information with us. I am sure it was difficult for you.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 4 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

Hi Lord ENKI, my ex did not talk to his Mother badly, even though he complained about her to me. In fact in many ways they had an almost unhealthy relationship with each other. Going to your comment on conversation though, I agree he was all 'I' or 'me, me, me'. In other words totally self obsessed and not interested in anyone else.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 4 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

Hi Seeker7, thanks so much for commenting. I too am glad got away from him and managed to get the life I have today. Yes he was incredibly manipulative, and his track record of relationships proved this. The frustrating part was the male friends (and a few female friends) he had that saw him as the victim, and he had convinced I was a psycho or mentally ill. So untrue, but like I said, he was a plausible liar.

I wish I had been able to do more to protect our dog, but I did the best I could and immediately took the dog to a rescue centre, from where he was re-homed within about 48 hours, and ironically to a lady who lived in the same town. Thankfully I got to see 'Peppi' regularly as a result, and he was much loved, spoiled, and away from my monster ex.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 4 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

Hi Paradise7, it is hard to understand unless you have been that much in love with someone that you simply cannot bear to lose them. What happens is you choose to 'bury' the bad stuff, and 'live' on the good memories of the best bits. The fact so many women (and even men) do get this involved and committed to people like this is testament to the fact that on some level the partner becomes dependent on the psychopath. It is not dissimilar to kidnap victims who fall in love with their kidnapper. It seems illogical, but the human mind is a strange thing!


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 4 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

Hi Green Lotus, I love your thoughtful and insightful comment. I too am relieved I 'escaped' from this man who was destroying me and my personality. If I were still with him today he would have long since banned me from using the Internet, as he tried to do that in Tenerife, and even cut the Internet broadband cable with scissors to stop me 'talking to other people about him'.

I agree, even a proportion of the signs should be reason enough to 'get out' asap. I hope others reading this take notice and prefer 'prevention over cure'.

I really hope you find a solution to deal with your dysfunctional relative before it is too late and they do turn violent.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 4 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

Hi Jeannieinabottle, thanks so much for commenting. Ironically writing this hub was not that difficult, probably because these events took place over 6 years ago now, (in fact over 8 years ago if you start the clock from the start of my relationship with the psychopath). Bearing in mind my life has moved on so far, it is relatively easy to write an article like this based on objectivity, and it is as if I am an onlooker to the events, as opposed to a participant.


Bard of Ely profile image

Bard of Ely 4 years ago from Lisbon, Portugal

I am really impressed with the detail you have put into this hub about someone I met too when I came over here! Voted up!


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 4 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

Thanks Steve, yes, it was only recently I realised the fact he was definitely a psychopath, and I had a narrow escape. As you know, he seemed very plausible as a person!


Bard of Ely profile image

Bard of Ely 4 years ago from Lisbon, Portugal

Yes, I found him easy to get along with which surprised me after what I had heard about him. Very plausible indeed!


Security devices 4 years ago from Nigeria

A psychopath is everybody's worst nightmare but it might not always be easy to know a psychopath even if you have stayed with such a person for a long time. I remember watching a documentary sometime ago about psychopaths where some of them were described as having perfectly normal behavior because they put up what is called a mask of sanity that would make many doubt if they are capable of hurting others.

All the same the points you highlighted are worth noting. Nice post


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 4 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

That was my point 'Security Devices', I didn't know at the time and had no idea he could be considered as anything other than a control freak. It was only when this 'recognised' list of personality traits associated with psychopaths was passed on to me years later that I realised I had been. This is why the list is so important for others who may now be living with one and not realise either.

Your comment is a good one, but I think you essentially didn't realise that if you had just used the word 'and' instead of 'but' in your first sentence, and took the words 'the same' out of your last sentence, you would have totally agreed with everything I wrote in the Hub.


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 4 years ago from Southern California

Hmmm... I think you might have been seeing my ex. :D Nice Hub, thanks!


Lone Ranger 4 years ago

He must have an amazing voice; one that could charm the birds from the trees. Is any of his work on the radio?

Sure am sorry that you went through all of that, Misty. Had I been a bit more selective and a bit more cautious, I may have avoided marriage to the psychopath that doubled as my bride. Worst years of my life by far.

Best wishes - L.R.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 4 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

Sadly it is not on the radio L. R. I also got rid of all the CD's I had of him singing, that said, maybe it is a good thing. Sorry you went through something similar too. I guess we have to treat it as a learning curve and use the experience to help others avoid or escape from similar situations.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 4 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

Hi wonderful1, LOL, so you have been through this too. At least he is your ex now and not your current partner.


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 4 years ago from Southern California

Hi again, misty, although my ex wasn't violent, he showcased all the qualities you listed, especially the "momma's boy" that claimed to "care so much" about his parents, and then ignored her for the most part. What's sad, is that he's turned his back on his own children in our divorce, and doesn't pay to support them, yet testifies in court (with crocodile tears) "I love my children" and says he works so hard to provide for them. Facts tell otherwise: he makes enough money, but CHOOSES not to provide for them. Sick and pathetic if you ask me, and I avoid people like that at all costs. Thanks for responding, and I'll look forward to reading more of your hubs.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 4 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

Thanks wonderful1. Wow, he does sound like my ex, although we didn't have children together. He left both his first two wives with a child to bring up alone, and even left the island completely so he never needed to see them or pay maintenance. The third child is the one I refer to in this article, and the Mother only started getting any money towards that child's upkeep when he came back to Guernsey and managed to get part custody so the child got to stay with him a couple of nights a week. Even then he wasn't paying it, his new wife was because he was claiming he couldn't work because of knee problems etc, even though he was moonlighting as a singer and karaoke host. He even got his wife to stand by him when he was hosting karaoke, then she went up to get paid so he could claim she was the one who was the host. Ironically she was working for the local 'Benefits' department at the time so it was even more frustrating.

To the best of my knowledge he still isn't working, but I don't know if the little girl's Mum gets any benefits from him now. I doubt it somehow. Certainly he dumped the little girl when it suited him and her Mum wouldn't let him get his own way. He even tried to call the Police on the Mother of his child and say she had hit the child. The authorities turned up and asked the little girl if her Mummy had hit her and the little girl immediately said 'of course not, Mummy would never do that'. Naturally it went no further as his trouble making had failed.

Luckily the Mum and the child have no interest in him at all now, and the little girl refers to her Step Dad as 'nice Daddy' and her real Dad as 'Nasty Daddy'.


Infiniteresearch profile image

Infiniteresearch 4 years ago from Ohio

Great Hub and hopefully encourages more of us to tell our stories, I've had not one but two of these. The first one was violent and I left after a couple years, the second was not violent and had developed the skills to mask his issues much better and I was with him for 15 years....but the similarities are there. I have to say neither was unfaithful though, mostly the manipulation had to do with money (though I can't say I had much to start with)..sort of a peter pan syndrome thrown in there. Both also stalked me when I left them, the second is still doing it 2 years after the divorce. Thanks for sharing, it makes me want to share my stories as well. It's hard for me to admit my mistakes, but if it can help someone else avoid them it's worth it.


the lucky 1 4 years ago

I was brought up with a beautiful mom and 2 beautiful sister. what this man did to us is something that has seriously got to me. he used to beat us , even if we talked to each other recently I found out THAT he lock my ma under the stair.s up 3 days at a time and my sisters would sneak food to her when they could. IM 30 NOW AND MOST OF THIS WAS HIDEN FROM ME IV SUCH ANGER NOW THAT IF I MET MY DAD AGAIN I REALLY DON'T NO WHAT ID DO.HE USED TO STILL CALL TO THE HOUSE UNTIL 5 MOUNTHS AGO.WHEN I FOUND OUT. WHAT BOTHERS ME MOST IS THE FACT THAT HE USED TO CALL TO MY SISTERS AND ME AFTER ALL THE THINGS HES DONE.AND I THANK MY SISTERS FOR HIDEN THE TRUTH FROM ME FOR AS LONG AS THEY COULD. BECAUSE I WAS TO YOUNG TO UNDER STAND. I CAN ONLY HOPE THAT HE DIES SOON. AND I HATE HIM FOR MAKING ME EVEN THINK THIS WAY. CONTROL FREAKS ARE THERE SO BEWARE


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 4 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

Hi 'The Lucky', I am so sorry that this happened to your Mum. I honestly don't blame you for hating him after what you have said he did. I hope you do find a way to move on with your life and that you spot the danger signs in any potential man that comes your way. You should read my Control Freak hub too, my ex fiancé was very much like this, and even locked me in our flat when he went off to 'dump' the dog, and as our apartment in Tenerife had bars on the windows and the door, I could not get out. Fortunately he brought the dog back again, but by then I was a sobbing mess because before he had left he had tried to strangle the dog, then hit me when I hit HIM trying to protect the dog. When he left and locked me in he took the only phone (a mobile) with him, and told me he was off to dump the dog. I took the dog to a rescue centre the following day rather than risk him going through with it the next time.

God I hate that man and want to hear he has come to a nasty sticky end.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 4 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

Hi Infiniteresearch, I had another one too (back in the early 90's), but didn't include him on this hub. Luckily I met my late Husband, and he was what gave me the strength to dump the guy. Perhaps certain personalities either attract them, or the psychopaths are drawn to them. If not we are both just very unlucky!

I hope you do write about your experiences as it can help save lives, or at least lives of misery!

I hope you are happy now at least (as I am with my current Husband). :)


xethonxq profile image

xethonxq 4 years ago

mistyhorizon2003...you hit the proverbial nail on the head with your assessment of this one. I hope like hell you are finished with him in every sense of the word. He is bad news and quite probably extremely dangerous, particularly when he becomes emotionally dysregulated...although dysregulation is not a pre-requisite for dangerousness for a psychopath. Quite frankly, it's the very deliberate, calm, and in control emotional states that are what makes them crazy. Needless to say...very scary.

Thanks for the hub. You spelled everything out very clearly!


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 4 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

Don't worry xethonxq, I haven't had any contact with this man in several years, and then only by passing him on the street (hard to avoid on a small island like Guernsey). I honestly will breathe a sigh of relief the day I see his name in the obituary columns, which might sound harsh, but he really needs to be where he can never hurt or harm anyone or anything else (human or animal). He is Evil.


Connie Smith profile image

Connie Smith 4 years ago from Tampa Bay, Florida

Very well written! Thank God you got away from this man. It seems like you have analyzed the situation enough to avoid a repeat, unlike so many other girls who seem to keep falling for the same type of men. Again, great writing!


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 4 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

Thanks Connie, oh for sure, I am never going back down that road again. The man I have now is the complete opposite of the psychopath I was living with. Really pleased you liked my writing. :)


Peaceful life profile image

Peaceful life 4 years ago from Las vegas

very very well written, i appreciate you hub, hopefully you are good way of life after leave this man, again wowwwwwwwwwwwwwww, if my girlfriend read this article than perhaps she will start find out above sign in me...lolzzz....your work is very nice...thanks.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 4 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

Thanks Peaceful Life, I am sure you are not a psychopath at all to even be posting here :)


Seonyx profile image

Seonyx 4 years ago from Olvera, Andalucia, Spain

This a moving hub for me since I know just where you're coming from. Fortunately like you, I did find the explanation and can hopefully move on and avoid being duped by people with these personality traits in the future. They really are dangerous and we should get taught about this stuff in school.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 4 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

Thanks Seonyx, I am glad we both escaped our bad relationships. I wish I had known the signs to look out for from an early age too.


hazel 4 years ago

dear mistyhorizon2003,

I've been reading some of your articles/hubs and(because?) find them very interesting and useful, although I'm not in the perticular situation(s), which where described. Also, you have a great writing style, which leads me not let an article unfinished. just a feedback,

-sincerely hazel


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 4 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

Thanks Hazel, that is a lovely compliment to receive :)


TravelAbout profile image

TravelAbout 4 years ago from United States

mistyhorizon

A word or two of caution from an older woman. First, any person who hurts animals will in almost every case escalate to people. You should be concerned for your safety and get a restraining order is you have even the smallest reason to. Also, this is not a person who can be trusted with a child and maybe you can warn someone who knows the mother.

The other thing is for you to figure out why you were attracted to him and did not heed your gut feeling immediately. Always trust your instincts as they are there to help you protect yourself. Please don't take this the wrong way as it is only meant is the best way but woman tend to repeat going back to the same or same kind of guys. It is very important for you to figure out why? Find a truly nice guy and your happiness will be deeper and longer lived. Trust me on this :)


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 4 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

Hi TravelAbout, oh golly, I long since got rid of him (over 7 years ago now), and way before I wrote this article (my article on Living with a Control Freak covers this more fully). I really appreciate you caring enough to comment, and I guess I wrote this with the same idea in mind for those in similar situations right now. I don't know how old you are, but I am in my 40's and I too learned many lessons the hard way, hence I would like to prevent others having to go through the same lengthy and painful process if it can be avoided. :)

Thanks for commenting though and sorry if I didn't make it more obvious that my experiences were very much past tense ;)


TravelAbout profile image

TravelAbout 4 years ago from United States

I feel so much better! Just too many crazies out there now. Blessings to you for trying to help other women out there. Too many women and children getting harmed. Take care and thanks for letting me know.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 4 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

No probs, thank you for caring. I just want others to avoid falling into the same trap (much like you do). :)

I am also with a lovely man now (7 years married on Sept 16th) so all is good. Ex still alive though sadly! Ah well, justice will no doubt prevail eventually ;)


TravelAbout profile image

TravelAbout 4 years ago from United States

I'm happy for you. We just celebrated our 34th anniversary ; seems like yesterday. You're right about justice it may be slow but it will catch up.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 4 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

Oh I sure hope so ;) Congrats by the way.


Rusti Mccollum profile image

Rusti Mccollum 4 years ago from Lake Oswego, Oregon

Gonna read the other hub, I think i married this jerks brother. I did much better with my current husband. No hitting or should I say beatings, no putting a bullet in a gun rolling it and putting it my head and really true story pulled the trigger. I would wake up and he would be standing there over me with a gun a bat or something to harm me with. I left him terrified he'd come back someday. I have been married to my current hubby for 30 years and I'm still jumpy!HIM? he SHOT himself in the head. Thankyou for bringing this subject up.Maybe some girl or man will read this and get away from another physcopath.

Following you congrats on your healthy relationship! :)


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mistyhorizon2003 4 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

Thanks so much for commenting Rusti Mccollum, I am so pleased you are now in a stable relationship and escaped your former relationship in time. I really hope this article does help others to escape other psychopaths before it is too later.


LongTimeMother profile image

LongTimeMother 3 years ago from Australia

I have never walked in your shoes, but I felt the alarm the whole way through your hub.

I wish you every happiness for the future. Congratulations on finding the strength to cope and escape. :)


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mistyhorizon2003 3 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

Thank you LongTimeMother, it is only once you get away from these monsters that you can look back and think 'why the hell didn't I do it sooner?' Thankfully life is a lot more relaxed these days.


So confused 3 years ago

Reading this puts a knot in my stomach


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 3 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

I so hope you are not one of the unlucky people who is involved with one of them 'So confused'. If you are, get out quick!


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mythbuster 2 years ago from Utopia, Oz, You Decide

Great, informative article, mistyhorizon2003. Yep, I've had roomie troubles with a person lining up with a lot of things in your check list!


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mistyhorizon2003 2 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

Makes you think doesn't it Mythbuster! You just never know how close you might be to one.

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