When and How Do You Deal With Someone Who Blames Everything On You --

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First of all, you are facing a mental abuse from a negative person, and that is not good at all.

Let's see why they are out there to cause harm to you, and society.


Irresponsibility from birth

They deny everything that could affect their integrity and the little self confidence they could have. Sorry to tell you. but these people were not raised in a good environment. Parents were not there to correct their actions. Sometimes is inherited... and unfortunately is a sad truth.

They get that thrill...

By arguing. They need to release certain toxins by blaming things on you and keep the circle of arguments 'alive and kicking.' These human beings are not mentally healthy anymore. They do not trust and cannot be trusted.


Insecurity

These partners are insecure beyond normalcy. For instance, if you made a whimsical wrong move, they would ask you why you didn't tell; or if you just happened to make a phone call, that in their minds, you just were not supposed to, get ready to be confronted . You did disrupt that harmony in 'their own terms.' Actually, by picturing these people, we feel like leaving their surroundings, and we already feel for you.


Controlling people

This is just an addendum to what we said. They need to be in charge, and if they are your spouse... you might be sticking around out of love or financial instability. Usually both are enough reasons to hold on to that relationship, but how to love for real a controlling person... , when we were taught to love and be loved?


HOW TO DEAL WITH THEM...?



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You can start by :

  • Showing concern. Keep dropping the ball of positivism
  • Letting them know you are being hurt.
  • Ask them to be honest with you: Is there another person in the picture?
  • Take you both from monotony, and take a break from the same old, same old...
  • If nothing works between you, look for counseling. A third party can find and dig deeper
  • If still doesn't work, get ready to move on
  • If it was a chemical unbalance issue, seek therapy. Still, you will have to be committed more than ever.

Hopefully you will be able to see the problem on a wider scope, that we know for sure, will be solved by both parties. If you are the one who is getting the blame, you will have to deal with guilt and probably lower self esteem. If you want to save your relationship, look for help in all the areas available today. Good luck!

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Comments 28 comments

Deborah Brooks profile image

Deborah Brooks 4 years ago from Brownsville,TX

wow those controlling people are horrible to deal with. I know I had an ex husband like that.. I couldn't do anything right.. I was miserable...

Thanks for writing a great hub. In fact all your hubs are great.

Voted way up

Debbie


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Good evening Debbie,

So sorry for that ex; glad to see you alive and kicking! good to see you, fresh and ready to come up with a wonderful piece for this month of poetry. Thanks for readig us.

LORD


Beata Stasak profile image

Beata Stasak 4 years ago from Western Australia

Thank you for wonderfully written hub, There are many controlling people around, I have few in my own family and once we recognized them we tend to pick on them, from time to time, they are really insecure inside...:) All the best from Beata


Emily Sparks 4 years ago

Thankyou for writing this hub in response to my question. I see a lot of what you said in this person. They are not my spouse or anything like that, so thankfully I don't have to stay in the relationship. I have tried my best to fix this, and I am continually friendly, but to no avail. Anyway, thanks again for the hub, voted up amd useful!


Cardisa profile image

Cardisa 4 years ago from Jamaica

I know someone like that and he would never take responsibility for his actions. He could never see the error of his ways. I started mirroring his actions and he slowly realized what he was doing. At first he didn't understand then I would remind him what he said to me or how he acted before. He is doing better now.

I believe for the most part, they don't want to be negative because they don't know better. I also agree with you that "some" of these people were not brought up in a positive environment. I know people who are negative because they have been through a rough life and they have lost their way but were raised properly.


billybuc profile image

billybuc 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

Excellent suggestions! Life is much too short to be associated with that kind of negativity and I have moved on when all else failed. I surround myself with positive, supportive people now and I've never been happier. Great hub my friend!


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Hi Beata Stasak,

These individuals need help, and they cannot se the wrong until we let them know how bad tye can hurt us. Glad you thought of this read useful.

@Emily Sparks, I see a lost cause already. Is not that we cannot love, is just how far we want to go with this person. Is is worth the hype and fall? I think you already made up your mind.

@Cardisa, Thnks for stopping by. This hub and others are written without much research. Seems that we can help people and that is priceless. Now time for a marinated fish with lemon pepper and onion..!

@BillyBuc, thanks for the encouragement. I have moved on as well, and the changes are beyond... explanation. Controlling is part of an associated self defense that will stay with them until they get their call... unless they get help.


ChristyWrites profile image

ChristyWrites 4 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

Some relationships certainly are not healthy. I am glad you are opening up people's eyes to this concept.


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Thanks Christy! You are such a good friend. Feel like we met long time ago on that Tweeter site. Hope to read your work soon. Have a happy easter!


always exploring profile image

always exploring 4 years ago from Southern Illinois

Have i ever been in a relationship like that...Yes, and leaving was the smartest thing i ever did...Great hub..Up and interesting..


coffeegginmyrice 4 years ago

For one thing, I refuse to be controlled. I say relatives had controlled my life too with their own differences, competition and jealousy that I get caught in the middle (as in sandwiched) and point blame at me and my kids. I had enough of them and surely I managed to keep away from them and found my own freedom.

Good points you got! Thanks.


Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

Gypsy Rose Lee 4 years ago from Riga, Latvia

Voted up and interesting. Thanks for sharing and providing this info. Been there and had problems with such people and now my husband has a few friends who are the first to blame everything on him and then ask for help when they get themselves into a real mess.


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Morning always exploring, Glad to hear that you left a relationship with this kind of mental flags. Sorry that some stay just for the kids and for the lack of financial independence. Sad but true!

@Coffeegginmyrice,

Family can be controlling and a pain. You did do the best for you and your kids. So unreal, to know that our own blood can hurt us like any thief in the middle of the night

LORD


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Gypsy Rose Lee,

What a world we have inherited. Always blaming and not taking responsabilities. Hope your hubby deals with those friends in good terms.

LORD


frogyfish profile image

frogyfish 4 years ago from Central United States of America

So Right! What else dare I say? Thank you for sharing these truthful words!


Flora Breen Robison 4 years ago

I've known people like that. Not a romantic relationship, luckily, but I know people personally and am related to some of them.


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

FroggyFish,

Thanks for your kind comments. Blaming is easier that taking responsibility... and it goes from generations. Even in different cultures, you will find this attitude.

@Flora,

I understand your point. Unfortunately, members of our own blood or family, can hurt us the most.

LORD


Happyboomernurse profile image

Happyboomernurse 4 years ago from South Carolina

Very useful hub. I particularly liked the suggestions at the end which were positive and helpful ways to get a relationship back on track or assume responsibility for severing it and moving on.

Voted up, useful and interesting.


jainismus profile image

jainismus 4 years ago from Pune, India

It's a very useful Hub. Thank you for sharing the tips on dealing with such persons.


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

Hi Lord.....I believe it's fair to assume we all know at least one BLAMER, if not several. I can deal wih the blamers to a certain extent, simply because they're pathetic and need a friend to guide them.

The bigger issue with Blamers is that they are more often than not, also WHINERS. This, is beyond my tolerance level. I have NO choice but to avoid them at all costs. Otherwise, the outcome is not pleasant.

Very interesting and useful hub, Lord. UP ++


emilybee profile image

emilybee 4 years ago

It is so true what you say here - parenting is partially the reason, and some people have never learned how to except blame, especially if they've always been reassured and comforted, never scolded or reprimanded. I'm not totally keen on the way I was raised in all regards, but I certainly was reprimanded enough - enough to now know to except and admit when I am wrong (learned something from the hours of standing in the corner) ;) Excellent hub.


sen.sush23 profile image

sen.sush23 4 years ago from Kolkata, India

Lord, you have very well touched upon all the relevant sides to the question. I know of someone, and her blame game is because of a lot of early life stress and insecurity, that has actually made her a person with low self-esteem. So she keeps blaming her partner for the mishaps in her life. It sometimes is not really a matter such people can control or understand as incongruous behavior. You have written of all the possibilities with understanding and empathy. Voted up and useful.


Dee aka Nonna profile image

Dee aka Nonna 4 years ago

I enjoyed reading this hub. I do not speak from authority here just experience. There are some people that cannot be helped...they didn't come from bad environments or terrible families, they are just wired differently (best I can put it). They blame because they like it; they blame because they do not want to do what is necessary to change, to help themselves. When you are involved with or around these people you have to know not to take anything personally. If you love them you may have to give up on them, not because you stopped loving or caring about them, but because you know they don't care.

Thank you for bringing this hub alive. I think I will write about my personal experience with a person like this.


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

HappyboomerNurse, Really humbled by your comment. This was just a small piece, and...Oh well, seems that we did touch so0me hearts. Thanks for the support!

@Jainismus, Thanks my friend. Tips from the heart are better than thos academics statements. Glad you enjoyed it

@EfferJ, You are perfectly right! blamers can be whiners and more than just yellers!Thanks so much for the kuddos!

@EMILYbee, Lol! We learn sometimes the hard way. The thing is when we are in our prime years, we think we know it all and can rule our progenitors...depending on the genes how hard you can yell back though.

@Sen.sush23,

You and the rest of our hubber frineds, enrich our hubs, by adding important tips or 'addendums.' Your friend, might need someone else just to let her know, that she is really making everybody around her miserable. Thanks for stopping by.

@Dee AKA Nonna, You did say lots of congruents statements. Seems that you did love this person, but because his own 'wiring' was not really appealing enough for you to stick around. We would love to read a hub from you, regarding this traumatic experience. Thanks!

LORD


MsLofton profile image

MsLofton 4 years ago from IL

This is excellent!!!!!


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Good to see you growing with us MsLofton. Thanks forr stopping by/


femmeflashpoint 4 years ago

De Cross,

Do you really want to know what I'd do to people who blame everything on me? (Grin!) *Muahahahahah!!!!!!*

Actually, without being too graphic, I can say that one of these sorts of folks, I divorced! Woot! Woot! (Yes, I was very excited about making it out alive! LOL!) And, a couple of months ago, I did indeed slice a friend out of my life, with a very sharp imaginary knife. They never saw it coming, but I'd given chance after chance, and assured myself, that regardless of the reasons I knew were behind it, that when it happened the last time ... that would indeed be the last time.

I know many times people continue in negative and harmful relationships with people like those highlighted in this article. However, I haven't seen it often happen that these sorts of people change without some impressive therapy.

Their partners often keep telling themselves it will get better, or believe they can fix it.

They usually can't. In fact, they need to pass Doc BJ or Doc Bill T.'s phone number to them and bid them "Adios!" until they've had several rounds of therapy and the docs say it's safe to come back!

Great article and a much needed one!

femme


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Thanks Femme! You give more than just a comment! Woot! Woot! Reality is way much interesting than an imaginary scene from "sleeping with the enemy." Thanks for sharing your insightful thoughts.

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