How do you stop someone returning to a violent relationship,?
Fear, Phobias and Frozen Feet
Why do people stay in abusive relationships? The answer to that is quite simple. They stay because of FEAR. Fear, because they might genuinely be scared of the other person and scared that they might get hurt or that their family might get hurt. Fear, because they are scared of being alone and are afraid that no one else will want them. Fear, because at least they know what they got and who knows, it might be worse with someone else. Fear, because they have been so undermined, that they no longer trust their own judgement to make the right decision. Fear, from escaping the relationship triangle where they've assumed the role of victim. Fear, because they think children need both parents and they're too scared to go it alone as a single parent. Fear of your partner stopping you from seeing yiour kids again. Fear of the financial implications of ending the relationship. Fear that your partner might not cope without you. fear that your partner might find happiness with someone else and will change with someone else. Fear of what other people will say and think of you. Fear of admitting that you made a big mistake. Fear of losing everything. Fear is a big factor of why we stay in relationships we'd be better off getting out of.
Basically, that's why people stay in abusive and violent relationships, even when they get told over and over again by concerned friends and relatives that they must leave. Sometimes, the thought of leaving and the struggles you might face in the future fills you with more fear than staying in the relationship does. You can never force a person to leave a relationship. They need to arrive at that point by themselves. A few years ago, I wrote a book on this topic after I found myself ending yet another abusive relationship. Why do I keep getting involved with people who use and abuse me, I asked myself. I started doing some research, chatted to many people in chat rooms and on the internet, and ending up sharing my experiences and self-discoveries in a book. After a series of bad relationships and friendships, coupled with a fight against breast cancer, I managed to escape from my black depression and overcome. The book I wrote, Fear, Phobias and Frozen Feet, was very cathartic and healing for me personally. Using my experiences to help others, gave me an inner strength I never believed possible.
So, if you have a friend or family member in this type of situation, don't pressure them to leave. But, just let them know that you are there for them and that you support them, and that if they ever need a safe haven, they have you. Putting pressure on them to leave might just make the situation worse. They are the only ones who can work through their fears. You can't do it for them, because then you become a rescuer and then you are also playing the game. I hope this helps! You can purchase my book as an ebook on lulu.com or through my website, cindyvine.com.
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