How does an unattractive woman find love

So the real question here would be..."Why do you think you are unattractive?" Everyone has their idea of what attractive is. There may be someone who is overweight, covered in acne or has a scar on her face. There are actually supermodels who are self conscience about their appearance and you wonder why would this beautiful bombshell that you would kill to look like have such a low opinion of herself, when you are one hundred pounds overweight and thinking about getting gastric bypass surgery and other cosmetic surgeries to beautify yourself. Would you believe that many models get cosmetic surgeries to correct any flaws or starve themselves so that they can resemble the size of a tooth pick?


You have had many men pass you up to talk to who you believe to be your more attractive friends. It makes you feel like such a hideous freak that should just settle for a paper bag over your head whenever you leave the house. You've tried everything to lure men to you without any luck and jealousy sinks in when you see that your friends are happily invovled with someone. Never underestimate the power of a man who has a good heart...that looks at the spirit of a woman and not the outside. It might be like finding a needle in the haystack trying to find a guy like that, but instead of driving yourself bonkers trying to find him, let him find you instead. Keep the faith that he will someday walk into your life and stay forever.

If you are a believer in God. Ask yourself this question? Why would God create someone who is unattractive to the opposite sex? More than likely you will get a reply in your spirit from God like this. "You are beautiful inside and out, a masterpiece created by my own hands who is worthy to be loved by me and a man who houses me in his spirit. God himself in this man is drawn to you and you will be drawn to him like a magnet. Physical appearances are secondary, although it is nice to be pleasing to the physical eyes, it is more important to be pleasing to the spirit.

Physical beauty can change in a heartbeat. Someone who once was a concieted beauty queen in high school where all of the boys wanted her is now a fifty year old woman who has wrinkles and crows feet, yellow teeth stained from drinking and smoking and has gained so much weight after having children. Perhaps the years you were alone from being unattached helped you to focus more on yourself. You traveled all around the world, worked on getting a career or business started and became independent, where you did not need a husband to take care of you or maybe you took time to focus on God and his love for you.

Being happy with yourself no matter what you look like is a blessing and God is pleased with someone who can appreciate the gift that he has given to the world. Maybe you think your hair is too frizzy or it is too stringy or maybe you don't like your complexion and you prefer to have a complexion like your sister who has the tan you always wanted. This does not make God happy when you complain or don't appreciate how you look. There are some people in this world who were born without arms or legs, some born with a deformity that you know you would not be able to handle and yet God put them in the world for a reason and they may even be happy with who they are, and I bet you can even find some who are happily married with a love story that can knock you out of your seat with jealousy if you heard it.

Now if you have been turned down by some guy that you had your eyes on for a long time, it very well may be a blessing in disguise. Suppose God knew that he would eventually hurt you
and he put it in this man's heart to turn you down. God wants you with someone who will compliment your very spirit and love you unconditionally. Needless to say, there is no perfect
relationships and even your soulmate will make you want to walk out of the door sometimes, but because the good Lord knows the two of you will work it out he continues to bless your relationship and bring peace to what he has ordained. Take time to learn how to love everything about yourself and that includes who you are, how you look, your spirit, your goals, your dreams and your physical appearance.

If you want to be thinner, Pray to God to give you strenght in areas where you are weak, get someone to counsel you about your weight even if it is a therapist. Join weight watchers or Jenny Craig.

Don't forget that there are dozens of fitness centers popping up all around and taking that evening stroll around the block every evening with Fido is also a good start. Get a partner to diet and exercise along with you will also help. Take care of your health in every area of you life. Always saying woe is me, I don't have a man in my life will not bring him to your door.

Sometimes when we take our minds off of what we are not supposed to be worrying about anyway, because each battle is the Lord's. You will be surprised when Mr. Forever comes into your life.

You will know him when he comes along, when before you would assumed some guy was the right one and he turned out being someone that put you down, disrespected you are dumped you. Like a magnet to steel you will be drawn as I mentioned before to this guy who will shock and surprise you when he shows up at the right time, just when you need him most.



Comments 13 comments

dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 3 years ago

Excellent article!

Go to any mall, movie theatre, park, Wal-Mart, beach, or wherever and you are going to see men and women who (you) consider to be unattractive or downright ugly and yet they will have mate with them and possibly children.

I think too often people want to get the next rung on the ladder of attraction instead of being content with those who are naturally attracted to them. It's unlikely an obese woman is going to attract a Brad Pitt or Denzel Washington type just as it's unlikely an obese man is going to attract Halle Berry or Angelina Jolie. And yet both people get upset when they aren't attracting the people (they) want to attract.


tiffanyz profile image

tiffanyz 3 years ago from New York City

Wonderful article Affinity, so true we are guilty of the pity party sometimes and we really need to focus on ourselves. The right one will come along when both of you are ready. You are so right dashing scorpio about couples we see, but the comment we usually make is-How in the world? but never stop to think that hey are with each other because they see themselves for who they are.


Affinity2010 profile image

Affinity2010 3 years ago from New Orleans, La Author

You're right Dashing Scorpio. However, you'd be floored to learn that some people prefer overweight women or men. There are personal ads where people seek only overweight men and women and the surprising part is that some of the men and women seeking overweight mates looks like Denzel, Brad and Halle Berry. To each his own, now I will go on to say that women are more likely to accept an overweight man than a man accepting an overweight women.


tiffanyz profile image

tiffanyz 3 years ago from New York City

You are right Affinity, I was in a store one time and this gorgeous man walked and all the women turned around. We didn't see who he came in with, but he found something interesting and he called out honey. We were all so shocked by the woman he was with, she wife was decent looking enough but she was also overweight. You would never put them together in a million years. I agree with you Affinity We are more accepting than men. Most men no matter what they look like think they are Denzel Washington and they are expecting Halle Berry which is why most black women are single.


Affinity2010 profile image

Affinity2010 3 years ago from New Orleans, La Author

Thank You Tiffanyz, I am glad you enjoyed my article. I have had my moments with pitying myself for some things but you have to pull yourself out of any rut that you are falling into. Loving yourself is the greatest thing you can do for yourself.


tiffanyz profile image

tiffanyz 3 years ago from New York City

Amen Sister, I had to learn that myself.


Affinity2010 profile image

Affinity2010 3 years ago from New Orleans, La Author

I believe that most men are shallow and think with their you know what. But the good news is there are some men out there that let the good Lord lead them to a woman who is good for them spiritually. I guess they have to get to that point in their lives where they know it is time for business, play time is over. Unfortunately when I was a teenager, I turned down a guy because of his looks to go out with a Tom Cruise look alike. This Tom Cruise look alike treated me like dirt and the girl that went out with the less attractive looking guy gained a Prince.


Affinity2010 profile image

Affinity2010 3 years ago from New Orleans, La Author

I hear ya!


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 3 years ago

I guess it just goes to show you that overweight people or those that are often viewed as "unattractive" can't use that as excuse for not having a mate. There really is someone for everyone! :-)


Affinity2010 profile image

Affinity2010 3 years ago from New Orleans, La Author

I have struggled with weight problems all of my life. It has been a rollercoaster ride. Just like the one Oprah Winfrey has dealt with.

Sometimes you are thin and then heavier again. My sister who has been deceased since 1999...she was close to 400lbs. And her therapist told her because she was molested when she was a small child that she ate to make herself less attractive for men. She was a beautiful woman inside and out and she let the abuse she suffered with affect her life. Everyone has a vice or something that has put them in a vulnerble situation and I don't think because a person is overweight that they are ugly because as soon as that overweight person drops the weight the opposite sex flocks to them like bee's to honey. Now an ugly person is someone who has an evil or conceited heart. I have seen very unattractive thin or skinny women and men who has hideous faces... maybe their ears or noses or funny shaped, their face is filled with acne or scars. However, they have bodies that some people dream of having. I've seen the complete opposite with overweight people who have flawless skin, beautiful eyes, perfect shaped ears and noses, and gorgeous hair, but they are overweight. Like I always say, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.


Affinity2010 profile image

Affinity2010 3 years ago from New Orleans, La Author

One more thing I forgot to add. I had a dear friend named Letia. She had a very beautiful voice and accent. She was born in Africa but raised in Britian and highly intellectual. Her complexion was very, very dark and her hair was very coarse. She wasn't overweight at all, and she always had problems getting dates. One particular time she wanted me to fix her up with someone so I introduced her to a guy I knew. They talked over the phone for a few weeks. They didn't discuss looks or exchange photos. Apparently, the guy I fixed her up with assumed she was a beautiful blond hair blue eyed woman. He already imagined her as being a certain type of woman that he was attracted to. There is nothing wrong with having a preference...we all have to be attracted to someone.

When Letia finally met up with Paul at the Olive Garden and he saw that she wasn't what he expected he gave her the cold shoulder and ended up asking her was it okay they end the date early, because he had to be to work. I don't think their date lasted but 20 mins. Letia liked Paul the first time she layed eyes on him but his shallow and rude behavior showed her a different side of him. While they talked on the phone they were practically engaged, but things differed once Paul saw that Letia was not the blond haired girl he imagined. But today Letia is married to a guy who loves her dark skin and coarse hair, and her spirit, accent and intelligence adds to what her husband loves about her. so to each his own.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 3 years ago

Your statement "we all have to be attracted to someone." pretty much says it all. I agree with you that the guy was rude but I don't believe he was "shallow". Everyone as you mentioned feels they (need) to be attracted to the person they date. Each of us is entitled to our own preferences. I know some women that won't date a man who is shorter than them. Lots of people will not consider dating outside of their race. People like what they like and I wouldn't call that shallow. When we say someone is shallow it's usually because they don't like (us) or our friends which is their choice.

I imagine it is tricky to tell someone you are not attracted to them (after) having numerous phone conversations. This is why it's important to exchange photos early on in order to avoid wasting each other's time.


Affinity2010 profile image

Affinity2010 3 years ago from New Orleans, La Author

That's right, we all have to be attracted to someone. Although it should suck if you are a short man who is attracted to tall women who wouldn't give you the time of day or an asian man attracted to black women who wouldn't give him the time of day. The strange thing about Letia's situation is that the guy I fixed her up with is just as dark complexed as she is. They are of the same race. His shallow behavior was obviously rude and unbearable. She is now married to a white British man who she met when she moved back to Britain and they have 2 fashion model type daughters together People do have every right to b e attracted to whomever they wish. Needless to say, you don't have to be a jerk about it when you realize a certain person is not your type. I agree, photos should have been exchanged and they should have been honest about their physical traits with each other. I don't understand that at all. Things turn out well for anyway... because she is now happily married with kids.

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