How not to be clueless in a relationship


Step up your game guys

In college I remember a professor telling us he had been married once. He said that for some reason, it didn't last. He attributed it to them both having been young and inexperienced. Perhaps he was right, but he also said she would say: "If you loved me, you would listen'; or: or 'if you loved me, you would be more attentive.' Perhaps it was because they were young and inexperienced but somehow I think there was more to it, because he told us he just didn't understand what love for her had to do with a damned thing. Clueless.

Many people don't realize, young or older, that love seldom just dies, someone usually kills it. Love isn't killed always by big factors like one person being an alcoholic or using drugs, even though those can be a cause. Many times love is killed by the small things we either do or don't do. Love and trust can be eroded, slowly, like a river wearing away the soil. Little by little, those chinks in the love armor start to appear, sometimes never to be mended.

I'm not an expert on relationships by any means. But I am a woman and I can tell you, from a woman's point of view, that love is a delicate flower that needs to be cultivated. Neglect will kill any living thing, including love and affection. Women do think and see things differently than men, especially when it comes to relationships.

Remember: When your partner has her bags packed, one hand on the door handle and you say: "I don't get it." Do not be surprised if she answers: "That's right, you never did."

Remember when she looked at you like this?
Remember when she looked at you like this? | Source

Remember when you tried to impress her?

Many men will do everything in their power to impress the woman they are pursuing, especially the first few dates. Women love it when men do this. To women, it shows the guy is interested in what she likes and he pays attention to the little things. Unfortunately, too many guys will forget the little things once they are in a relationship. But it is the little things that may be hardest for a guy to maintain which is unfortunate because, like I said, it's those little things that mean so much to women.

That first impression men make may flicker out as time wears on, for men, but remember this, it never flickers out for women. Women like to be wooed, they like flowers once in a while, they like candy once in a while. It isn't the object or the gift itself that makes the difference, for a woman, it's the thought, the effort you put into that small gesture that impresses them, whether you've been together for 3 months, three years or 30 years. Never forget that. those small tokens brighten any woman's day and make it nicer for her.

Women enjoy being appreciated. If a woman feels appreciated, she will fall in love with you more and more as time wears on. Women like small surprises like planning special dinners, special concerts, movies or surprise vacations, even mini day-cations. It doesn't have to be diamonds or expensive outings. Small tokens will make her love you that much more.

Make her feel like she has the best relationship in the whole world and she will not look elsewhere, even if there is lots of competition out there.


Care about the woman you love

When a relationship is new, many men will act exceptionally concerned about his partner's feelings, her needs and interests. Don't let that slide just because your relationship has passed the flirty, blushing stage. This is something women do not take lightly.

Caring and concern for her needs and interests lets her know you haven't 'lost that lovin feeling' as the song goes. When small things get neglected or taken for granted, women begin to feel you aren't interested in them as a person any longer. Women start to feel unloved, so remember that professor who couldn't understand what love has to do with it, should have paid attention.

Women love spontaneous men. They like when a guy can, at the drop of a hat, do something they both enjoy. Spontaneous gestures are fun, something the two of you can intimately share and enjoy doing together. Something that is special to you both as a couple. These spontaneous moments will draw her closer to you because she sees them as very special.


Feeling loved

Women need and want to feel loved by the person they are in love with. This might sound simple and trite to many guys. Trust me, it is not a simple thing to make her feel loved. You can say 'I love you' all day long, but it is the feeling of being loved, the closeness, the hugging, the reassuring actions speak louder than words and those actions show her she is loved, truly loved.

When bickering or a full blown argument ensues, more than likely it stems from her not feeling loved, not feeling special, not feeling like you put her feelings first, which makes her think you don't care about her feelings.

Feeling like you see her

If a woman sits across the room and is emotionally hurting and you cannot pick up on this fact, she will not trust you so much anymore. She will wonder how long it will take you to even notice that all is not right.

Women do not want to have to rely on themselves for their own emotional support. They want to be seen as a person, as the person you care about above all others. Once there is a chink in the trust armor, it is difficult, if not impossible, to ever repair. That chink can become a large crack and even a large gaping hole in no time.


Being appreciated and desired

Lack of appreciation, taking her for granted, not making her feel sexy anymore, is the fastest way to ruin your relationship. Tell her she is pretty, you likely did this when the blush of romance existed when you were dating, why did you stop? Women want to know you think they are pretty, they look nice, they want to know they are still desirable. Without this, no relationship can possibly last. Taking her for granted is the best way to lose her.


Watch who your friends are

When married, or in a serious relationship, some people will tell themselves they can have friends of the opposite sex. Women can be just as guilty of this as men. While I'm not saying you cannot have friends of the opposite sex, it should all depend on how your partner feels about these friendships.

Does she mind? Does it bother her if you have women, or a woman friend? No matter how long you have known the woman who is your friend, does it make your partner uncomfortable?

You can brush off your partner's feelings all you want. I will tell you if your partner is uncomfortable with it, you should not be doing it. Ignoring your partner's feeling is the same as showing her disrespect. If she is not comfortable with it, drop that person as a friend. You might think that is silly, but believe me, your partner will feel like: "He loves me enough to do this for me." Would she drop a guy friend for you? If so, you should take heed of her feelings too.

If your partner is uncomfortable with something you are doing, then why are you still doing it? Is that friendship more important than your partner's feelings? If so, your relationship is in more trouble than you realize. Keeping the friendship is showing her that you do not care about her feelings. A bad, bad, message to be sending if you want her to stick around. That trust armor again, it will not only have chinks if you ignore her feelings, it just might fall apart completely and she may never trust you again. You willing to chance that happening?

Just remember

Remember it is not always the biggest things that destroy a relationship, but the small things. Small things count the most to women. If you've been together a long time and you are taking her for granted, you should step up and remember how you treated her when you were dating.

Remember, when a special occasion comes up, don't do something that is expected, something you would do anyway, think of something romantic, something out of the ordinary. Something to make her feel really, really special. surprise her once in a while. Because the best way to keep a living thing, like love, alive, is to nurture it. It's the thought that counts is not just some cute saying, it really is the thought that counts if you plan to keep a relationship alive and well.

More by this Author

Comments 2 comments

Genna East profile image

Genna East 16 months ago from Massachusetts, USA

Great article, Bobbi...chock full of common sense advice and sage wisdom. A must read for both men and women.

BobbiRant profile image

BobbiRant 16 months ago from New York Author

Genna East : thank you for stopping by and thank you for the great comment. I think a lot of people fall into a rut when together for a length of time.

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.

    Click to Rate This Article