How to Attract the Boy of Your Dreams

Vera Lin, 2012, Heart [Screen print on paper and photoshop] Auckland, New Zealand
Vera Lin, 2012, Heart [Screen print on paper and photoshop] Auckland, New Zealand | Source


Each and every one of us deserves to love and to be loved. However, not every one of us is in a loving, fulfilling relationship with the man of our dreams. The vital factor that determines an ideal relationship and the not so ideal ones lies, not somewhere illusive, but firmly within our selves.

Yes, you and you alone is the deciding factor between an ideal or a non-ideal relationship. The reasoning is quite simple, really. Your world is entirely your own creation. Have you ever noticed the simple yet profound fact that, wherever you go, there you are? The really great thing about this is that the power to change any aspect of your life, including having a loving fulfilling relationship lies in you, and you alone. Isn’t it great?! I mean, you don’t need to find a guru, to obtain a magic wand, complete yet another degree or to change any other outer person or event in order to have what you want. The only change you need to make, is your mind.


Yes, you can change your relationship by changing your mind


If you are single right now, great! If you are in a not so ideal relationship, then you have a big decision to make.

It is scientifically impossible to have a bad/toxic relationship and a loving fulfilling relationship at the same time. If you are in an “ok” relationship, chances are that you are already with the right person, all you need to do is some tweaking on your mental attitude in order for the “ok” to become great. There are many ways to improve on a current existing relationship, including all the exercises listed in this article. However, if you are in a very bad or toxic relationship, ie, you or your partner is emotionally or physically abusive or involves in substance abuse in a bad way, then you need to make the single most important decision in your life by getting out. If you know, in the bottom of your heart that you are in a “wrong” relationship, that there are fundamentally irreparable differences that you know can never be happily resolved, then maybe you are only doing each other a favor by setting yourself free.


Let’s get the basic right: You are whole and complete within yourself!


Looking for another person to complete you in any way is the most fundamental error you can make. If you walk around as if there’s a hole missing inside you, then ten Princes Charming could not fill that hole for you. In fact, it is the endless pit, the black hole that will eventually suck dry all relationships you might have. Any illusion of “ feeling completed by another person other then your self” is only temporary and very short lived. That’s why the majority of relationships suffer from bitter disillusionment not long after that honeymoon period when reality kicks back in. The only real and lasting way out of this dilemma here is to look within. The nature of that “missing piece in your soul” is fundamentally a spiritual one. The only thing that is really missing is YOU.


" YOU ARE ALWAYS WHOLE AND COMPLETE WITHIN YOURSELF BUT YOU HAVE HIDDEN SOME PIECES FROM YOURSELF OVER THE YEARS. YOU HIDE IT BY GIVING YOUR POWER AWAY. RECLAIM YOUR POWER, OWN YOURSELF 100%, AND TRUE LOVE WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO RESIST YOU."

Find YOU in order to find True Love:


If you feel empty and unfulfilled in your life, chances are there is a piece or two of YOU missing. Is there a part of you that always gives your power away to others instead of to you? Is there a part of you that’s always “not good enough”? Is there a part of you that’s always waiting to be rescued? Is there a part of you that you would never show to anyone in broad daylight? Is there a part of you that always pleases others instead of pleasing you? Is there a part of you that harbors strong anger and resentment toward something or someone? Is there a part of you that always stop yourself from doing something you really love? Is there a part of you that always settles for the second best? Is there a more powerful version of you that you have always been too scared to own up to?

The good news is, this part of you that appears to be missing is and always has been there. You are always whole and complete within yourself but you have hidden some pieces from yourself over the years. You hide it by giving your power away. Reclaim your power, own yourself 100%, and True Love would not be able to resist you.

A very powerful way to reclaim your hidden self and hidden power is through loving your Inner Child. This leads to a whole new topic that deserves a whole new chapter.


Vera Lin, 2011, Traveler [Acrylic on paper], Auckland, New Zealand.
Vera Lin, 2011, Traveler [Acrylic on paper], Auckland, New Zealand. | Source

My Inner Child Love Heart Bracelet

to say "I Love You" over and over...
to say "I Love You" over and over... | Source

Love Yourself Completely and Unashamedly:


The best way to love yourself is through loving your Inner Child. The concept of the Inner Child is the integral part of us that’s all pure and good but that’s been abused and neglected, or even abandoned completely throughout the years. So much so, it has become a shadow, injured part of our subconscious that will continue to wreak havac in our life until it is healed.

Meet Your Inner Child: It this is the first time you meet your Inner Child, it might be easier to find a quiet place where you can be alone and uninterrupted for ten minutes. Close your eyes and imagine coming face to face to the part of you that is still, and will always remain, an innocent child. She might or might not look like you. How does she look? Happy? Sad? Withdrawn? Angry? Hurt? What is she doing right now? Apologize for not being in contact for so long. Is there something she would like to say or do today? Sometimes, all she needs is to be held tight and comforted. Sometimes she wants to play. Whatever it is, give her time, and your unwavering attention. Humour her. Own any emotion that comes bubbling up. To make it an even more powerful practice, I like to combine it with Dr Hew Len’s Ho’oponopono technique. It is the simplest, quickest way to heal whatever memory data that comes up. To put it simply, for anything that comes up in your meeting with your Inner Child, you say “Thank you. I am sorry. Please forgive me. I love you.” Then you honor your Inner Child by doing the things she requests.

Her request will always be simple, because she is only just a child. But it could be those simple requests that had always been denied you in the past. Perhaps she would like to draw, to sing, to put on a pretty dress. Perhaps she feels like having a picnic in the woods, climbing up a tree or making up a story.

For example, this Christmas, I made a special effort to ask my Inner Child what she would like to have as a little present to tell her that I love her very dearly. She requested a bracelet with a pink heart. It would mean that every time I look at the bracelet with the pink heart, I become immediately reminded of this little innocent Inner Child in me that deserves and has my unwavering love. It is not just another excuse to buy little presents for our selves; it is different because it is specially requested by her and accomplished by you. This special gesture of love in the form of a bracelet with a pink heart has a special power for me. It has a way of opening up my heart fully and overwhelms me with pure joy. Every time I look at my little bracelet, I giggle and feel so utterly happy.

Now, I wonder if you have realized that something has changed since you started reading this article . . .

You Are No Longer Alone.

Now, you have a little sweet child, perched on your knees, helping you steering towards inner power and inner happiness.

It doesn’t matter if you have REAL human children of your own. You might have taken wonderful care of your human children but NEVER taken care of that little child inside you, who IS you.


Happiness is an inside job
Happiness is an inside job

" . . . I AM SO GLAD WE MANAGE TO FIND THE REAL YOU, BECAUSE YOU CAN HARDLY ATTRACT THE DREAM BOY, WITHOUT THE DREAM GIRL!"

True Love Happens When You Take 100% Responsibility for Your Happiness:


Have you ever tried to please someone who can never be pleased?

If you are unhappy on your own, you will always find something to be unhappy about, whether you are in a relationship or not. On the other hand, if you choose to be happy and fulfilled, you will always be happy and fulfilled whether or not you are in a relationship. By learning to love and heal your Inner Child, you are set on a straight course towards taking responsibility for your own happiness because you will no longer be standing in your own way.

A powerful and simple way to take 100% responsibility for all of your creation is practicing the simple Ho’oponopono technique. As Dr Hew Len explains, everything that happens in our life is because of our memory data that’s largely unknowable and unconscious. The simple prayer of “Thank you, I am sorry, Please forgive me, I love you’ is to acknowledge the memory data and to release it from you by asking for forgiveness and replacing it with unconditional love.

For anything that upset you in any way, you are addressing the memory data behind it by saying “Thank you for giving me one more chance to let you go so I could be free. I am sorry, please forgive me for whatever memory data that’s going on in me right now that I need to make amends for. I Love You.”

Don’t be surprised if you find yourself starting to make all kind of changes in your life. The combined effect of Inner Child and Ho’oponopono healing means the real you could no longer hide. And I am so glad we manage to find the real you, because you can hardly attract the dream boy, without the dream girl!


Like Attracts Like: Happy and fulfilled people attracts happy and fulfilling relationship into his/her life.


So, why do we take so much trouble making sure we are whole and complete, looking out for our Inner Child, healing our memory data and taking responsibility for our happiness? I haven’t forgotten our goal is for you to attract that boy of your dreams. And I am assuming that when you say “attracting the boy of your dreams”, you really mean “creating a happy, loving, lasting and fulfilling relationship.”

The universal law says Like Attracts Like. So, if you are needy and unhappy in yourself, you will keep on attracting relationships that make sure you remain needy and unhappy. If you are full of bitter complaints, you will keep on attracting relationships that make sure you have something to complain bitterly about.

The fail proof way to ensure a happy and fulfilling relationship is to ensure you are a happy and fulfilled human being! And let’s face it, happy people are a lot sexier and much more attractive then miserable ones.


To Find Love: Emanate Love


Get into the habit of loving yourself and everything and everyone around you wholeheartedly; when you emanate love, you attract love.



A powerful short film: See how he attracts the Love of His Life by giving Love, to everyone he's ever met.

Some Practical Exercises That Involves Imagination:

Inner Qualities:

  1. Write down a list of all the qualities your dream boy possesses.
  2. Go through each quality and ask yourself whether you practice it on yourself.

i.e. Love, Honor, Respect, Trust, Supportive…

Do you love you? Do you honour you? Do you respect you?Do you trust you?

3. Get to work on the qualities that are still missing in you. Again, like attracts like. If you could not truly love yourself, you could not expect someone to be inspired to do it for you.


How does he make you feel?

  1. Write down an extremely detailed list of the way he makes you feel.
  2. Read the list as often as you like and give yourself time to close your eyes and imagining all the wonderful ways he makes you feel, as detailed as possible. Exactly how he adores you, how he has a special way of touching you, how proud he is whenever you are together in the crowd, how his eyes lit up and his lip curls whenever he spots you…Give yourself the luxury of time and let your imagination runs wild!


Visualization: Inner Child And Soul Mates Meeting

Only start using this exercise after you have reconnected with your Inner Child and formed a healthy loving relationship with her.

Ok, this might be sounding really strange, but it can be extremely powerful. All of us have multiple soul mates in life. Most of us come together in order to facilitate lessons for each other. Who you really want to attract is your primary soul mate, who brings you unconditional love and appreciation, not painful lessons. Ask your Inner Child to help you with this. Set away some quiet time to be alone. Make yourself comfortable. Close your eyes. Ask your Inner Child to be present. Ask your Inner Child to present to you her very best beloved playmate. This is a boy who loves her most dearly and unconditionally. Up to this day, maybe the boy is only watching from a distance, too shy to come near. Your Inner Child knows this is the boy who could never hurt her in any way. He loves her with all his heart and so does she love him with all her heart. Your Inner Child instinctively knows who he is. Ask her to invite him in. Watch them interact in innocent children’s play. Watch and see how lovingly they are to each other. Watch and see how happy they make each other feel. He is indeed The Boy of Your Dream. Once you feel every one is ready, ask The Boy to invite his Adult Self into the picture. You might not be able to see the man’s face clearly, or you might, but it really doesn’t matter. It is the feeling of love that’s paramount and that’s wonderfully alive here. Once all of you are present, imagine a beautiful big bubble of shining pink light contains all of you within. Imagine your best soul mate and you coming together and hugging in the center of the beautiful pink bubble of love. Imagine the love you feel for each other in the safety of this magical place.


Keep A Visual Journal: Keep all of your exercise here inside a beautiful text and visual journal. Make sure you record the dates when you do all the exercises as a way to keep track on how your visualisation and manifestation become realised. Add all kind of pictures you fancy into the book. The pictures your Inner Child like. The things you like to own or do or try. Pictures of someone who reminds you something about your Dream Boy. Pictures of loving couples that reminds you of the kind of relationship you would like to have. The kind of house you and your soul mate would like to live in. The kind of place where you would go and eat, or holiday in. Let your imagination run free. Have fun creating.


Copyright © 2012 Vera Lin


How Do You Like To Be Loved?

Another great exercise to attract your perfect dream lover is to specify how you like to be loved. Write it down. Say it out loud. Tell it to your friend. Ponder over it in your diary. Imagine all the wonderful little details in your day dreaming. Then whisper to his ear when he pulls up on his white horse, his professional light weight bike or his red ferrari (or his broom stick)....

Seek and you shall find.

Ask and it shall be given.

Love, and you shall be loved.


Take a minute to ponder this...

How is your relationship with your Inner Child?

  • My Inner Child and I are best friends. I say "I Love You" to her everyday.
  • My Inner Child and I are getting to know each other better and better.
  • My Inner Child and I are slowly establishing a relationship.
  • My Inner Child and I rarely speak. I think I am neglecting her.
  • I don't believe in Inner Child.
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Comments 2 comments

chipster100 profile image

chipster100 3 years ago from Auckland, New Zealand

Dear Violet Flame,

This article was beautifully written for starters. You managed to capture the detail and further emphasize the message that, love begins with no one but ourselves. I have read many articles which explain how we have to be happy but they always only managed to briefly skim the surface of a wide topic.

Your article provides information which goes beyond the typical one-liner and explains both scientifically and spiritually how we attract a potential partner for life, not by being desperate and self-pitying but rather by being strong and independent.

It's an important lesson that many of us have yet to truly grasp.


Violet Flame profile image

Violet Flame 3 years ago from Auckland, NZ Author

Dear chipster100, thank you so much for your wonderful and thoughtful comment. I am so glad you find this article helpful, and you are right on the dollar when you said "love begins with no one but ourselves." Everything I wrote in this article are things I firmly believe in. The most vital and essential ingredient to Happiness is self-love. Love you, love life, love the world, and the world cannot help but loving you back.

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