How to Break Up with your Girlfriend

"When will you let go?" from explodingdog.com
"When will you let go?" from explodingdog.com

Breaking up with your girlfriend is a daunting task because it almost always has ramifications. It's hurtful and nerve-wracking, it's painful for you, it's painful for her. She may have been your first love or the person you lost your virginity to (or vice versa). And if you've been together a long time or even lived together, you've got the division of assets to look forward to. You're going to have to sit down and figure out who came into the relationship with what and who gets ownership over items that were purchased jointly. Every detail of your lives must be analyzed and sorted, which can be a hard thing to at a time when things are hard enough. Break-ups dredge up some of the most difficult emotions you'll ever have to live through.

But that doesn't mean you shouldn't do it. Because if you are considering breaking up with your significant other, then it probably means you aren't happy. And if YOU aren't happy, then SHE isn't happy. Unhappiness isn't healthy, and life is too short to stay in a situation like that.

What NOT to do

DON'T do it over the phone, through Instant Messenger or on MySpace. I don't care how old you are, even if you can't stand the girl now, you did care about her at one point and owe her the courtesy of ending things to her face.

DON'T lie about your reasons for wanting to break up. If she's too clingy and you need some space, or you've met someone else and you'd like to explore this new frontier, come right out and say so.

DON'T be brutally honest and don't insult her. Even if one of the reasons for the break-up is that she sucks in bed or your physical chemistry is lacking, do not tell her this outright. It is completely unnecessary.

Delivering the news

Open the conversation by getting straight to the point, saying something like, "I'm no longer happy in this relationship" or "I'm having second thoughts about being in a serious, committed relationship." You want to avoid attacking her specifically at all costs, so use these suggestions rather than saying, "I'm no longer happy with you" or "I'm having second thoughts about being with you." Next, be prepared to explain why. Tell the truth as gently as possible; don't sugarcoat it too much and definitely do not lie. Even if you're fed up with her and can no longer stand to be in the same room with her, remember that there was a time when she was all you could think about. There was a time when your love for her was strong, and she deserves to be treated with patience and respect during this difficult moment.

Psychologically, nobody responds well to direct attacks that use the word "you." How you explain yourself to her and the words you choose to use are very important. Let's say that your reason for wanting to break up is that she's very clingy and needy, insanely jealous and irrationally possessive. Instead of saying, "You're too clingy and you're way too needy" try saying something like, "I feel like I need more space" and "I'm at a point in my life where I don't want to have to answer to anybody." Another option is, "I can't give you what you need, and it isn't fair to you for me to keep you in a relationship like that when you could be out meeting the person who can."

Receiving the news

Be prepared for her to quickly cycle through all five stages of mourning.

  • DENIAL: "You're crazy. You don't really want to break up, you're just upset."
  • ANGER: "This is so unfair. After everything I've done for you, everything I've put up with, YOU want to leave ME?!?!"

During the anger stage, if your girlfriend feels like she is being attacked (which is a common reaction when someone is being told there's something wrong with them) she will immediately go on the defensive and start retaliating against everything you're saying. She may tell you that your reasons for wanting to leave aren't valid, that she didn't do anything wrong, that you're not perfect either, etc. But if your heart is set on ending the relationship, firmly but gently tell her that your concerns are real and nothing she says is going to change that. Don't allow yourself to be distracted from the task at hand by getting dragged into an argument that analyzes and dissects your reasons. It's a diversion tactic that could have you sitting around for hours going over every angle. Doing this just postpones the inevitable. If your girlfriend approaches the anger stage in this way, tell her straight up that your feelings are valid even if she does not agree with your reasoning, and inform her that you are not going to sit here and fight and nitpick over every point.

Another common response is to turn everything back on to you and start listing your downfalls and character flaws. To avoid getting into a lengthy discussion about how much you suck, openly admit that you're not perfect and you're fully aware of it, say that you know you have faults of your own and would never claim otherwise, then direct the conversation back to ending the relationship.

  • BARGAINING: "Why don't we just take some time off instead? Let's spend a few days apart so you can see what it's like to miss me."
  • DEPRESSION: A combination of crying and wailing, "No one's ever going to love me ever again!"
  • ACCEPTANCE: "Fine. Whatever. Do what you want."

What to do if you're cheating on her

If you've been cheating on her and want to break-up so you can pursue a relationship with the other woman, you might as well just tell your girlfriend the truth because I guarantee she's going to find out anyway. If you're interested in someone else but have not yet crossed the line into cheating, be honest about this, too. Tell your girlfriend that you've developed feelings for someone else but that you respect her too much to cheat on her. However, it is something you want to explore so you wanted to be upfront with her before you actually did anything. You owe her honesty.

In this case, it is very common for a lot of women to start thinking there's something wrong with them, that they are not good enough or are lacking in some way. Although it's cliché to say, "It's not you, it's me" it's important to stress to your girlfriend that she didn't do anything wrong. Sometimes you just click with another person in a different way and feelings develop unexpectedly. Reassure her that she is an amazing, beautiful girl, but stick to your guns if you're truly set on leaving. Tell her that you're not going to be a jerk by keeping her in a relationship and sneaking around behind her back.

Working through it

Be prepared to spend at least an hour on the break-up conversation, if not more. Plan the break-up for a block of time when you know you're both going to be free. Most initial break-up conversations last several hours and span two or three days. You don't want to have to rush. Be patient, answer her questions and comfort her if she cries. At some point, however, you're going to have to cut it short. Once everything has been discussed there's no need to keep rehashing the same points. It just prolongs the pain, and don't be afraid to explain this to her. After a reasonable amount of time has passed, let her go so she can mourn on her own and talk to her friends to gain some perspective. She'll probably need a few days to come to grips with the situation, and will most likely be calling you during this time to express either extreme anger, guilt or sadness. There's nothing wrong with that, but after a week or two you may have to be a little firm with her because the sooner you break away from each other the more she can heal and the quicker you can go your separate ways.

Oftentimes, the break-up process is equally as difficult for the person who is doing the breaking. You may love your girlfriend deeply as a friend but find that your in-love feelings have faded. You may be dissatisfied with the direction the relationship is moving or have learned things about your partner that you don't appreciate and can't live with. This can be heart wrenching if you had hoped to spend your life with this person. But you owe it to yourself to do whatever you have to in order to make yourself happy, and you owe it to her to let her be free to find someone else. Sometimes you have to close one door to allow another one to open elsewhere.

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Comments 469 comments

deadraven999 8 years ago

I believe it ain't easy. I had a similar experience where my ex girlfriend and I after 4 years eventually broke up. We planned to get married but it did not work coz there were restrictions from her side (her family) and from my side as well. At a point of time we felt we can't afford 2 lose each other so we decided 2 continue our relationship no matter what. But with time prolonging and possibilies that we get married are diminishing she could not feel secured and she could not make me feel secured. In those 4 years, she broke up with me maybe 4 times but we managed to make it back. Finally, at a point of time it was as they say the needle that broke the whatever's back. We made our final break up. I don't deny i do still love and miss her despite i have family now. Wish her good luck wherever she may go.


Andrew 8 years ago

i must admit honesty is my best priority, i really appreciated this information and i am glad i read it, it made me realise that i compromise too much of myself, and even though me and my girlfriend have tried resolving things i have positioned myself as the desperate needy clingy boyfriend, and this is not congruent with the way i like to see myself, so i guess it is best, our relationship was fun and exciting, but now, as passion fades, im realising more and more each day how much i am missing out on, i am realising that i cannot make my girlfriend who i want her to be, i cannot change her without her will. Its a situation of which i make all the effort but i am no longer strong enough to carry both of us psychologically. i could go on about the faults i see on her part and her inability to reassure me, its a relationships filled with her daily investing insecurity secrecy and an inability to secure me emotionally when i need her the most, i truly would have considered marrying this girl, but my patience runs thin now, and like ive said before, i am no longer capable of sustaining this relationships demands and constant pain exerted on me, "big boys don't cry," a friend says to, that's true, "big boys don't cry, But MEN do." Need i say more? I am sick of it, im sick of not feeling loved, im so tired of trying.


becauseilive profile image

becauseilive 8 years ago from N.J. Author

Hey Andrew -- I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through. I know I said break-ups are painful but sometimes the relationship itself can hurt just as bad. Too frequently, the mistake we make is holding our partner to the same set of standards she displayed at the beginning. We know how they COULD treat us, we know how they DID treat us, and we don't understand why they can't treat us that same way now. And yet we hold out hope, which is fine for a little while but eventually we have to realize that a change needs to be made. Otherwise you just continue to suffer.

If you are no longer happy with your girlfriend, then by all means end it. I know it is hard but if you feel she is not giving you what you need and DESERVE, then you need to do what's best for you and move on. When one door closes, another one ALWAYS opens--but sometimes it's you who has to force the first one shut.

Good luck to you :)


headoverheelsinconfusion 8 years ago

I'm thinking about breaking up with my partner of 5 years. We have a four year old daughter together, so the decision to leave is especially hard. I've been seeing someone else for a few months now, and while it started innocently, i've now fallen in love with her. it's driving me absolutely crazy.

The problem I have is I just can't bring myself to leave. I know I'm not happy where I am. I know that I want to be with this other person. But I know that my leaving (and the fact I've been cheating on her) will kill my partner. I may not be in love with her anymore, but I still care about her. She's the mother of my child. How the hell do I tell her that everything she thought was going to happen in her life is now... not.

I know the world won't end and we'll both move on eventually, but I just don't think I can do it to her. The alternative is to one day look back over my life and think "what have I done?". It's fucked. And it's all my fault.


dankuskahn 8 years ago

ok, i have been in a relationship for almost a year now, also this is our second time as a couple. my girlfriend is becoming more and more jealous everyday. the thing is, she can talk to all the guys under the sun, " they're just my friends". But, whenever i get a message from a girl on myspace or even a comment, BOOM!, who is that, how do you know her? I tell her they are just my friends, it makes no difference. I am afraid to break up with her because i think that she might lose it. i read the article above and i agree with everything that you said. i just don't know exactly what to do. this whole thing is starting to get a little aggravating.


Nick 8 years ago

dankuskahn. I have the same problem. She has all these guy friends and some of them shes had relationships with before. She says that she would never do that. But like you, if I get a myspace comment, LOOK OUT! Shes gone as far as messaging the people that comment me and getting on them about it, like " Just so you know, hes with me and you don't need to talk to him anymore." Or, she'll comment on my page saying stuff like "Hey baby, we need to get more pictures of us on your page, then everyone will know that we're together and will stop trying to take you from me." Its annoying. Yes, we're together. But I have my own life too. Its like shes everywhere I am. I feel followed. Our roommate (Who is her best friend since middle school) is constantly telling her when i left the house, when i got back, if i used my cell phone on the porch, EVERYTHING! Its like they want to try and catch me doing something. And then she crashes all my hang outs. Like the bar I go to and have gone to since before we got together. She just shows up and makes a big scene. She'll come in and see some girl walk past me and then shes like "Were you talking to her? Bullshit! I can't believe you!" Then the girl will walk past again (mind you, its a VERY small hole in the wall bar) and she'll give her dirty ass looks and try to start a fight. I mean, come on. Lighten up a bit. I want to break up with her, but I know she'll go nuts if i do. She'll do something stupid like try to OD or some shit. Shes does stupid shit when we just argue. I can only imagine what she'd do if we broke up...


Mike Paahana 8 years ago

ive been fooling around with this young girl 4 awile and want 2 break it off b4 my gf finds out but she keeps callin me an don't want her to get all drama, any clues?


mango 8 years ago

Im in some real complex place...cause i want to break up with her to be alone and by myself but one of her friends has threaten me in so many ways...if i hurt her shell kill me so i don't know what to do...Weird thing is that ive lost all feelings for her but she still wants me...


thatdude 8 years ago

It's comforting to see that there are actually other people who are in the position I happen to be in. And becauseilive, your article has shed some serious light on the subject, thanks for that. I told my girlfriend earlier today that I don't want to go out with her anymore, and it was really hard... really hard and really messy. The ANGER response that you talk about, i can definitely relate to. She lashed out at me, saying some of the most hurtful things she's ever said to me, and we've been going out for almost a year and 6 months now. I know that she didn't really mean the things she said though. The thing about this girl is that she's really sensitive. I know that's normal for girls, but it just makes it so much harder. She phoned me about 2 hours after I left, crying her eyes out, and asking for me to take her back, but I don't want her back, I wish I felt different about her, but it has just come to that point and I don't see our relationship going anywhere but downhill. But I don't want to hurt her. I still care for this girl. It kills me to hear her crying like she was. I told her that we should at least take some time apart from each other to think. I'm hoping that the idea of us breaking up will sink in a bit, and she will accept it eventually. I just know that if I have to see her again and she starts to cry and ask for me back that I won't be able to turn her down again. Please if you could give me some advice on what I should do, or at least the next step. I need my life back.


Gerg profile image

Gerg 8 years ago from California

Bec - I actually expected this to be more fluff, but this is some good, solid advice! You have a potential career as a Dear Abby. We men are, by and large, not very good at this stuff - I like to illustrate by saying all during our formative years girls were playing house, dolls, relationship games, while we boys were smashing cars together. Then, when we reach the age of dating, we spend the rest of our lives trying fruitlessly to catch up!

Thanks for the great thoughts.

G


jason 8 years ago

I have been dating this girl for a little over 8 months. She really likes me and unfortunately my feelings for her are not the same. I think she is a great girl, shes just not right for me. About a month ago I tried to break up with her, I got as far as to saying, I think we should maybe break up, but I chickened out and changed my mind and said I wanted to stay together. The whole thing is very hard for me because I do not want to hurt her, but I know she would be crushed if I ended things. We both are in different colleges right now, and we both won't be home for two months. Would it be best to wait so I can do it personally? I really don't want to break up over the phone, but I also don't think it would be right to wait 2 months to end things when I am unhappy now. I need help :(


totallylost 8 years ago

I very recently broke up with my long term living partner and fiancé of 6 years. It was the hardest thing i have ever had to do, the feelings faded out and I suddenly came to the realisation that I was lying to myself and worst of all to the women who I loved and I lived with and made life plans with. The problem is that the 'love' was the love that you feel for a family member or best friend and not love as in meeting someone and falling head over heals, there was a huge amount of co-depandacy in the relationship. I thought I was making her happy but I was in fact killing us both by fooling myself and her, pretending to my very own soul that everything would be OK and that I was just imature and the true feelings will come. The break up is so hard, so hard that death seems an easy alternative but I know for both us to be free and for her to be happy I have to step up and be a man. For both oursakes end the relationship. To the many other people in this awful sitution out there - we many be wrong and even live to regret our decisions in the future but we must do what is right and end the unfullied relationship.


Me 8 years ago

I'm sick to death of reading about your unhappiness. Those of you in long term relationships, did you think it was going to be easy? Love and life aren't easy. I find it strange that people just bail out. Did any of you consider couple's councelling? It's all about unhappiness. I'm sooo furious. Even if the outcome is a break up, why stew in it for ages until you lose the feeling. You#ll have the same problem in every relationship. People need to learn to stoke the fires of love and not let little things kill love. If you're unhappy, at some stage, you decided to let go of your feelings or you held on to your anger. You probably weren't fulfilled before you dragged your partner into it, expecting him/her to fulfill you. Don't just break up with someone without trying to work things out. It sucks. Break ups happen but they don't have to be as mean as they seem to be put on all these websites. Western culture these days seems to be all about self gratification. Ask yourself, have you honestly done all you can? Was your partner aware you were doing all you can and that there was trouble. I'm so angry with this crappy page that I can't be bothered to write anymore.


pacman 8 years ago

yea thanks so muc h for that contribution.Y would you even be on this page if it makes you angry. Its nice to know there are lots of people out there in the same categogy. Im in the process of trying to break up with my gf, but when they don't want to its really difficult, coz i really don't want to hurt her


Nick (different) 8 years ago

I have been in a relationship with this girl for about a year. She didn't do anything wrong to me. She isn't to clingy, or to needy, but shes just really annoying. If that makes any scence. I just don't want to be with her anymore, but how do I sit her down and say that she is annoying...I mean she will know that she didn't do anything wrong. And I'm pretty sure she will take the angery side after she is done crying. So that's the dilemma I'm in. Any suggestions?


Matt 8 years ago

I was wondering if anyone had any advice of how to break up with a girlfriend while you're away from her for the summer. I couldn't do it prior to leaving for college bec she had her period and exams and I didn't want to add more stress to that. But now i probably won't see her again for about 4 months, so i guess I have to do it over the phone, even though it sucks. Anyone have any suggestions?


pep 8 years ago

Im in high school rite.. ive been going with this girl for about 2 months, she loves me a lot but im just tired of her..plus ive met a new girl. i don't know how to tell my girlfriend that its over...its soo hard because i never broke up with a girl that loved me that much..can anyone give me some advice


steve 8 years ago

i wanna breakup with my girlfriend because ive met someone else but im one of those nice guys and i cant gwt the nerve up to do now ive got 3 days till schools out and then i won t be able to until i see her again

im


steve 8 years ago

(continuing from above)

im going to military school and ill be leaving for army training soon but i cant figure out how

can someone e-mail me like something to say

messange me at xsteves1369x@aol.com

thanks in advance,

STEVE


steves 8 years ago

(continuing from above agiain)

sorry i have a really bad computer

i messed up my e-mail sorry

xstevex1369x@aol.com


Amber 8 years ago

Im scared to death im in a relationship like the ones many of thease men are in, except of course im on the other side of it. i cant be sure though and it drives me crazy, i don't want him to be un happy i just wish their was a way i could fix what ever it is that's bothering him and we could be nback on our way, unfortunently i don't think that's what he wants, and im pretty sure the only reason he hasent broken up with me is because ehe cares and doesent have the heart of course i could be wrong, i don't know, and although i hate it i CRY a lot when ever i try to talk about it, i mean its the only thing i cant seem to discuss with him because i know theirs a chance of break up and then when i cry he just feels bad and i dont know what to do. i don't think im giving him what he wants/ deserves but i want to i just don't know what it is. ok, well id you have any helpful advice PLEASE email me. xsinisterdesire@aol.com


Graydon Theron 8 years ago

Ey man, thanks so much hey. Really helped


flamflehm 8 years ago

I agree with you, Me! I think it's pathetic to walk out on a relationship without going to counseling or doing everything possible that's left to do. Most of you say you don't want to hurt your significant other, but you already did that when you started seeing someone else and it all starts with that one decision whether or not your should cross the line! Why didn't you think of your partner's feelings when you made that first move to cross the relationship?! Sounds to me like you have communication issues. I think if you care about someone, you tell them the truth no matter what! All this boo hoo about "I don't want to hurt her/him!" But you already did when you messed around with that other person! Grow up and face life! It's not perfect and you're going to have problems in a relationship no matter what! You may find out that you have more problems with the person you left your lover for! And if that happens, I say..what goes around comes around! Think about this: You fell for your lover in the beginning just as you are falling for this other person. But this other person doesn't care about your partner's feelings! And anyone who tries to get with another person that is in a relationship has self esteem issues. How can you give up so easily? What a quitter! It's people like you that should stay single!


squincher1988 8 years ago

I have been in a relationship for about a year and a half. I love the girl i am with but it is just not working out. I guess things have been going down hill for about the last nine months. I have a very full schedule and have very little time to devote to a girlfriend. I am a firefighter in my case we work 1 day and we are off two, i work ems one shift a week which means 4 days out of 7 I am not home at all I also go to paramedic school full time. I i feel like it is my fault the relationship is not working because of my lack of time. I'm 20 years old and it just seems like too much for me to handle right now. I have tried to break up with her several times, but she just gets so upset and i give in. Any advice to reduce pain in my situation?


Tylin 8 years ago

would you say that if your only option was to do it over IM or phone, say that they had moved what would be the best options?


MUNTZ 8 years ago

just send her a text message that says: KYS ASAP KTHXBYE


Nick 8 years ago

Thanks, it helped a lot and tommorow is the day i tell her. I was never really into girls until recently when their attention shifted to me. No more was i the funny guy, but i was the attaractive one. Anyhow, a good friend told me she liked me and i was like a kid in a candy store. I did not know what i was getting myself into. So tommorrow i end it. Wish me luck... I just hope the friendship would not be lost. But thanx, it really helped to understand some stuff. now i just have to finish my final year at school...


Mark 8 years ago

I wish I had got this info some time back....


Matthew 8 years ago

What if your girlfriend starts talking to her xboyfriend and people she use to like. She talks to them and flirts with them and then tells me not to worry. This girl has also dumped me before for her x boyfriend... Idk what i am doing because she is my best friend, but i like her a lot because i don't want her to be with another guy.


luke 8 years ago

im in a relationship where the girl loves me but she doesn't try, im giving this relationship everything i can and its for nothing, i feel like im being used, i really want to break up with her but im afraid she mite go psyco when i end it, weve dated for 5 months and im ending it soon no mater what, if you have any advice for me please send it to world_international_444@hotmail.com


Confused 8 years ago

So I have a comment...question...whatever.... So I am on the other side, I am the other girl that he met, but has not left his girlfriend yet. He said sometimes its so easy sometimes its so hard. I am getting to a point that I do not want to talk to him even though I do. I understand that these things are hard, so I do not want to pressure him, however I am starting to feel that why wouldn't he leave her when he has me, me and him just clicked...it happened so fast, we still talk (as friends) and now his gf has found conversations on his blackberry...he said well i have to delete you for now....to me i do not understand how there has to be a decision, i understand past feelings and stuff. But what do I do??


Grit29 profile image

Grit29 8 years ago from Clinton Township, Michigan

Dear Confused:

He is playing both sides, and you are one of the vicitms. The truth is, in the end, the 3 of you will all be hurt.

It's probably best if you cut your ties with him now. Men cheat for various reasons, but ultimately they are just looking for 'new sex'. Unfortuneatly, you are something new and different, and you happen to add the element of risk and desire.

When men have affairs, it is often times a way of maintaining power in the relationship. At this point, he has the power because he controls all aspects. He can't see you when he is with her, so ultimately, he only makes time for you when he wants to.

Another reason men cheat is to avoid intamacy. He is avoiding intamacy with his primary by keeping you around, and distancing himself from her. He is avoiding intamacy with you by by not being able to get too emotionally involved.

Evaluate your position in this whole triangle. How do you feel? What does your gut tell you? Are you able to trust him? What does trust mean to you? You already know he is capable of cheating, do you really think it would be different if he were with you?

I hope this advice is helpful, and I hope you make the right choice. If I can help further, please let me know!


trysohard 8 years ago

This is great advice thanks, however i just cant get started on the break up, also how do you get through the crying and wailing part of the stages of break up, the deprssion stage.


no name 8 years ago

I am in the same situaion as the first commenter. I have been in a r/s with my gf for about 2 yrs now. We are very deeply in love. We have been staying togather for the past 2 yrs and we did almost everything togather. However, we are meeting with obstacles from her family and we know we will never get to marriage in this r/s. It's clear to us both that the only door open is towards a break up. We never had a fight throughout this r/s and everyday has been filled with love. But it's painful and i know i have to end it now coz the longer we stay togather the more painful it's going to be. It's painful for us both.

I would appreciate if anyone can give me some advise on how to go about doing this. And how can i recover from the after breakup?


downinit 8 years ago

I can relate to pretty much everyone on here. Only thing is, the day I broke up with my girlfriend, her doctor told me she is dying. Then I felt like an ass, since I broke the heart of a dying woman. She isn't old either, she is in her twenty's. Bad luck, bad timing, whatever. I am living with someone I don't love, but care for. I cant leave her since she has no family, and doesn't make that much money. Her doctor gave her a few months six months ago. Its not like I am waiting for her to pass; I actually want her to get better - I just feel like I am in idle in my life. Am I a bad person for feeling like this? It feels like a catch 22 more than anything.


someguy 8 years ago

So here's my story

I've been dating this same girl for two years now. We started dating when she was a sophomore in high school and I was a junior. I originally started dating her because I wanted a rebound from my last relationship, and for a long time, our relationship was horrible. Partly because I wasn't over my last girlfriend, but partly because she had a lot of mental issues. She even spent some time in a mental institution. Well I was unhappy with the relationship during that time, but I kept going hoping that it would get better. Well it did, and I was in love with her for a long time. We talked about marriage a lot, like anyone in a long relationship naturally would.

Now I'm in college, and she's a senior in high school. When I first started college I kept assuring her that I would stay with her, and she would stay here with me for college and we would be together. But now that I've had some time in college, I've realized that I don't want to be with her anymore because I just want to date around and have fun. The problem is, is that now she's more in love with me than she's ever been, and we're completely dependent on each other. I'm trying to go into the break up conversation slowly, because I know she's not going to take it well. I just know that I would be happier dating other people


Adam 7 years ago

This is a great article. Thanks very much.

Like everyone else here I am having pretty conflicted thoughts about my relationship. My girlfriend and I have been seeing each other for 4.5 years and, truth be told, we really do get along great.

I care about her hugely, and I know she needs affection. She constantly lets me know how much she loves me.

My problem is that even though we have a great friendship and get along great, I simply don't think I love her anymore. I care for her deeply. I don't want to see her hurt and I want the absolute best for her, and I know that if I left she would be utterly devestated.

I know... long term it's better for her. But she suffers from pretty terrible depression and has a fairly damaged past in certain areas. As well as hating the idea of hurting someone so badly that I care so much for, I am also afraid that she might really hurt herself after.

I don't know how to approach it the best way. How do you break the heart of one of your closest friends?

I hope some of the other posters here have made the right decisions - whatever they settled on...


James 7 years ago

Im in the same confused state as everyone here. I had a long talk with my girlfriend of 5 years who I live with and have shared my life with. We have tried many times to work it out. I have met someone and although i fight it. I know the feelings for this person grow strong everyday. Life is so unpredictable. Sometimes its not giving up and not trying hard, but asking yourself why am I not trying in the first place. Were all looking for rational and logical explanations on what to do or think, but we know how we feel. That's the gamble we all take when we do fall in love. Granted you need to work at a relationship, but you also need to recognize and validate those gut feelings when you know the battle is over. People hate the truth especially when it hurts. iF you feel out of love with your girlfriend/boyfriend let them know. Try to work on it. If that doesn't work there is nothing you can do about it. Let it go and move on. My hope to us all. We just got to live one day at a time.


words 7 years ago

Love does not fade, it just gets forgotten.


Senbonz 7 years ago

Good sentence words. Love does not fade, it just gets forgotten.

Actually, i am in a middle of a so called "war" here. We started this relationship 2 years ago. Ended it months after but got back together half year ago. Ok now, this is what happened. My girl friend is trying to wake me up when i am having a headache. I told her to let me sleep for awhile longer since we're not going to do anything else later on today anyway, we'll just be home, hanging around or stuff like that. When i woke up, she got extremely angry. I asked her whether she is angry but she kinda shouted NO and looks extremely angry too. I asked again whether shes angry and i can make it up to her if she is. But she still denies it. I got angry with her attitude because of that and then...Our Conversation -Me: if you're not angry, why were you talking that way?Her: i talked english, what else did i say?!"Me: wtf, english!?? what??Her: you dont know what is english???? ha?? You stupid!??I went berserk, asking her to scram, taking my house keys back but... After 2 days she called, texted and stuff. At the same night and that means now, shes downstairs... What should i do now!?? HELP!


Senbonz 7 years ago

Good sentence words. Love does not fade, it just gets forgotten.

Actually, i am in a middle of a so called "war" here. We started this relationship 2 years ago. Ended it months after but got back together half year ago. Ok now, this is what happened. My girl friend is trying to wake me up when i am having a headache. I told her to let me sleep for awhile longer since we're not going to do anything else later on today anyway, we'll just be home, hanging around or stuff like that. When i woke up, she got extremely angry. I asked her whether she is angry but she kinda shouted NO and looks extremely angry too. I asked again whether shes angry and i can make it up to her if she is. But she still denies it. I got angry with her attitude because of that and then...Our Conversation -Me: if you're not angry, why were you talking that way?Her: i talked english, what else did i say?!"Me: wtf, english!?? what??Her: you don't know what is english???? ha?? You stupid!??I went berserk, asking her to scram, taking my house keys back but... After 2 days she called, texted and stuff. At the same night and that means now, shes downstairs... What should i do now!?? HELP!


girls are bitches 7 years ago

i've been dating this girl for 10 months now, we fight and fight and fight, she can't trust me cause i hugged a girl 9 months ago and someone toook a picture of it and she seen it on face book and she still can't get over, somebody will tell her a lie about me like im doing drugs again and shit and she'll believe it, i have tried to break up with her so many times, and i'm sick of pussying out at the last minute i'll even say it to that its over but i don't leave, this is my first relationship and i can't get out of it, its so hard to break up with girls i have learned, but she does shit that pisses me off, she has tons of guy friends who are just friends and i believe her but tonight one of my best girlfriend is moving i can't even go say good bye cause she thinks im going to cheat, i\ve abandoned most of my friends because she doesn't like them, im not aloud girlfriends pretty much, when i want to goto the bar with my friends i am accused of cheating, even my fucking work christmas party next month she don't want me togo because she thinks im gonna cheat, i get no time for myself im only 19 my life back, i use to have lots of friends, in good shape, partied a lot, i was free, now i work (oil field mechanic) hang out with her and sleep, that's my schedule and has been for the last ten months somebody please give me advice


Zito 7 years ago

Nice article. I dont love her i pity her . she has gone through things which she told me about and i help her pull through. help are acadmeically to achieve success in her studies . i dont care about her all i want is her money and to have sex with her. but she so in love that . am scared of like passing the message to her i dont know what gointa happen to her at the end of it all. please what can you say to this , Thnks


Zito 7 years ago

Nice article. I don't love her i pity her . she has gone through things which she told me about and i help her pull through. help are acadmeically to achieve success in her studies . i don't care about her all i want is her money and to have sex with her. but she so in love that . am scared of like passing the message to her i don't know what gointa happen to her at the end of it all. please what can you say to this , Thnks


Harry 7 years ago

Im stuck.. i loved my girl friend.. but she has cheated on me.. lvoed other boys.. purposefully makes me jelous.. put me on break twice.. she is unloyal.. unfaithfull.. she dumped me becuase her friend told her to.. she is relaly really clingy.. she has lost me 10+ of my friends. some of which i have known for half of my life.. she lies to me.. flirts.. and now i have foundout that she drinks.. and when she does.. exessively.. she smokes.. i was willing to make sacrafices... but not this many.. i am set on breaking with her.. but.. i don't want to hurt her.. i am 14.. she is 13.. i'm in year 9.. in lots of classes together.. i don't think i can take much more.. but something is stopping me from going straight in and just doing it.. Please advice.. i need it. :'( Email me at - hariwizid@hotmail.com


fedup 7 years ago

I entered into this relationship looking for an equal. She is anything but; cant afford to live, entirely too needy because she has decided to make me her whole world. When we fight she starts hyperventilating, at which point i'm forced to stop, console, and calm her down. How the hell am I supposed to break up with such a person? It makes me feel helpless or unheard because I can't even talk about the most serious gripes without some fear of her needing medical attention.


patrick 7 years ago

i've been with my girlfriend for about a year and a half... and i was planning to engage to this lovely young lady. but lately, its seemed like i kept making simple mistakes and everything like that. it feels like i'm the one to blame for everything you know?. its pissing me off how she always shoots me back with things that happened in the past. she always kills me inside with little shots of sarcasm and whatnot and its starting to really irritate me. i read in the article that we did love her and we did treat her so well and everything... but honestly i just don't know what to do anymore... its making me so hurt and sad and everytime i tell her how i feel its like she just shoots me down and gets mad at me. but yet she tells me how she feels and i just take it. im not a machine. i can only take so much from her.

everytime we speak now its so awkward. as much as i REALLLLLY do love her still its just like.. aghhhhh come on man... when i met her, i knew we would do well and we'd go pretty far. a year and a half isn't anything yet but i hope we get through these little things. i just think its unfair to me that she's using certain things against me. i don't understand what it is that i do. she told me last night why she kept feeling crappier and crappier about being in this relationship. she said i treat her amazing and like a daughter but its just my perceptions about things. meanwhile i have no perceptions. all i see in my eyes is her. i love her ever so deeply and i don't know what to do! its fucked!!!! she thinks i think highly of other people and that i am a brainwashed little fucker. but i'm not. i truly love her and my dreams are still high in wanting to live the rest of my life with her. just lately everything's been coming down on me for no reason. i want to mend things. i want them to get better. i'm so stuck. i don't know if this is just me being upset and wanting out or if its really me wanting out because i cant decide what to do. agh.... :'( Big boys don't cry. but men do. that was really smart... someone said that above.... but yea... i'm stuck.

i love her. but yet it seems like everything is my fault. she talks to all these guys and she even said to me in a txt message that she feels like she should kiss someone else because its like it'd be better with them. that fucking hurt. i don't know man.... whatever... and whenever i say i was talking to a girl its like she gets offended... whatever man.. it doesn't bother me that much. but yea..

don't know what to do. :(


Help!!!! 7 years ago

Ive been dating this girl a little over two months, shes crazy!!!! she has a lot of issues i didn't see until we started dating. she is needy and clingy and obsessive etc...she always tells me she loves me and im like that's great but im not ready to say that back to her and honestly i just want to be alone i love being single. she takes me away from my fam and friends i broke up with last week and i felt so bad because of all her issues i decided to get back together with her. this is a big mistake on my part and i need to get out of it so what do i do........please help.....if any one has any advice id be more than grateful to hear from you.


Nocturious 7 years ago

i have a dillemma... i have a girlfriend for 6 six years...are parents are good friends with each other...and everything's been goin' well with us and i know i love her... though there's this one problem... back in the 5th grade...i met a girl and we became close friends...though my family migrated so we got separated...after five years i started lookin' for her...even though i have other girlfriends i didn't stop... then after 11 years from the fifth grade... i found her...and to my surprise she was lookin' for me too...when we talked online, we both felt that instatnt connection...and we both realized that we love each other...it didn't feel like we've been apart for that 11 years... my dillemma is... i have a 6year girlfrined...but i found "her" the "one"...and it seems like, somethings telling me to break up with my 6yr girlfriend...Please Help Me...


michael 7 years ago

hi i know you will laff at this but i got a proplem iv met this girl en i been wid her for a year and im 16 just turn and she just changed all of a sudden and all she goes on about is sex and il say i not ready and she just ignores the fact that i don't want to and she knocks on ma door everyday wen i coming back from collage and she talks like iv be gone 6 years instaed of 6 hours and iv thought about breaking up with her but she gets the idea of what i want to do and plays the mother gurd and i don't no what i would do with out you but if i did break up with her she has a realy big dad and she daddys little girl and i just think to ma self im 16 what am i doing i want to be out there with ma mates having a laff and stuff if any body understands please help


Travis 7 years ago

i have a gf right now and i met someone i like a lot better what do i do?


Johnny Gunsack 7 years ago

Travis, they covered that above... Tell your girlfriend that you've developed feelings for someone else but that you respect her too much to cheat on her. However, it is something you want to explore so you wanted to be upfront with her before you actually did anything. You owe her honesty.


scr3w3d1nth3h34d 7 years ago

Ok here's the deal. I have been dating this girl for 4y 10m 19d. We have lived to gether for over 3y now. In the beguining I really did love her, but about a year ago those feelings started to change. Then about 5 months ago they took a sharp turn down hill. Oh we argue like most couples do, bills going places etc. but sometimes its over the stupidest of things. I am the only one bringing in the money in the house and when I get off work sometimes Im really tired or stressed out and just want to relax, but instead I come home to a dirty house (hell the laundry is still in the living room from 4 days ago and the dishes are in the sink still.) Now I don't mind the laundry staying for a while but sometimes it stays for a week till i get off work and put it up. Here lately though I have not been happy in the relationship. I tried talking out why I wasn't happy and she just acted like it really didn't matter. I even took time off work and went on vacation with her, you know try to rekindle the fire, but on the trip up to the vacation get away she got pissed while we were in the car and made one simple statement "I want to break up." Well that got me pissed (smoked 2 packs of smokes in 100miles) but I calmed down and chaulked it up to being crammed in a car for 12hrs. Well long story short she didn't seem to have fun on vacation thus making me not have fun. Then about a week after we got back she made the statement again. By this time I started thinking maybe she does want to break up, but again I called this one on the side of her period. Then again she made the statement around the first of this month and I really started to think about it. I even told her I was thinking about it. She started saying that she would go crazy and even kill her self if I did leave her. I believe she would try because she has in the past tried, but was stopped once by me (again another fight) and once by the childrens home she used to be placed in. Now Im 27 and shes 25, we have talked about getting married and at the first of the year I even started buying a ring. Now, I am not to sure what to do. Like I said I even tried talking about why I felt the way I do, and basically got laughed at. I have even changed the way I am for her, but a few weeks ago decided to go back to "my old self" now when Im out of the house I feel happy, but when I get home I get that depressed feeling. PLEASE HELP ME!!! I want out but I am afraid that if I do break up with her she WILL kill her self, and its killing me.


scr3w3d1nth3h34d 7 years ago

Please message me back at ravenblades02@yahoo.com with any advice. Im loosing sleep over the problem. I haven't slept decent in over 3 weeks cuz this is running in my mind.


Daniel Showers  7 years ago

So recently my ex broke up with me since we were in a long distance relationship and she didn't want to be tied down anymore. We saw each other every weekend when she came and visited me. When she broke it off with me I was like ok I will be able to be friends with you but over the last two months I have really started to dislike what she has been doing with her "Newly acquired" friends and I really don't want to even talk to her because the only time she seems to call me she is partying or is getting up after a party. I really want to stop talking to her and just move on with my life but I don't know how to tell her. Should I just do it the same way I would if I was to break up with her?


12345mmil 7 years ago

My gf is so clingy, ive been with her for only 3 months but she says shes in love with me. I don't believe it because everyday when were together, she always talks about one of her friends but hes a boy. I need some advice on how to break with her.

Please Help


Ravit 7 years ago

It's really hard.. especially if you have loved her and given everything to her. The first few days of the break up, you feel like you're going to break apart. But the whole world is not just up to one person. Whether you're a girl or a boy. There are millions of people out there. Who I am sure, can make you happy and who you can spent the rest of your life with, so don't like this one problem ruin your life. There are simply too many things in life that you cant let this one problem stop you. Thank you for the article.


Casper 7 years ago

Im in a difficult situation, im 23 and actually i made it this way but i became to te point that i have to stop it. i am the type not into long relationship and usualy fucking around,i met a girl 7 month ago and i started with her she started to do everything for me, and even though its been 3-4 month now that somehow we live together, we traveld together, but at one point whenever i look at the girls around i feel like o my god feels like im in the cage,,, i don't feel free anymore to go to any girl that i want, and shes trying to controll me aswell, like my msgs and my acts,, COME ON! WTF .... this is no longer me,,, where am i? ... i understand she is really a good girl and loyal, and she loves me like crazy, she is ok but not that pretty that i want!!! i know you might say this guy is fuckedup he wants a lot, but that's me, and as much as our relation get longer shes getting more needy and romantic to me, i tried so many times to break up with her in the begining but she will get deppressed and she will cry so bad! and i know i might be not a perfect person but i have a perfect conscious that will not allow me to hurt anyone, and i really don't want to hurt her,,, but i think its the time for me to break up with her,,, i know i will loose all the care and all the honesty that im getting from her but i don't want it to be worst and i want space and peace of mind... this article was smart and there was lots of good tips but i really don't know what to do!? there is 3-4 pretty girls on my next doors and they always telling me to break up with her, and there is plenty of girls in world for me, but she don't have the same spirit as mine so she thinks im the only one,,, and i don't want to imagine wat will happen if i tell her siriously to break up... i appreciate your helps and thanks for the useful article


Jon 7 years ago

My girlfriend and i have been going out for about 9 months now and i feel it needs to end. She'll call a few times during the day and ill pick up most of the time but when were on the phone we barely talk we just sit there and do other things now. Ive been talking to her about it but shes just clinging on and keeps saying she wants thing to go back to "how they were".

Another issue within this is the fact that ive become like family to her family and close friends with most of her friends (mostly guys who are basically like brothers to me now). i did love her at one time but it faded into a friend love. Like i still wanna be friends with everyone and her its just not the same and im afraid if i end the relationship i end the relationship with everyone else too.

please help.


Anonymous 7 years ago

If anyone can understand what it means i would like an answer.

Is it more right to say you are wrong than it is wrong to say you are right?


Pat 7 years ago

ur all fuckin idiots this website is made to make u feel like shit to begin with! life is to short! so go by what ur heart tells u... not by a website damn!!! what is this world coming to?


Tom 7 years ago

ok i read a few things and the suggestions. i have been thinking of breaking up with my girlfirnd im 18 no and we have been dating 1 year 7 months. we have taken breaks before for maybe a week she got me to come back. we hung out vary heavily the first year and then we decided to spend a little less time together and we are back to almost every day hanging out again. im 18 and in college and she goes to high school which is about a block away but still im 18 i have said that a lot i know but i want to have fun and go out with my friends and parties and not worry about my gf and making her mad at me. we used to say we would be together forever and that we were gunna get married and all that happy shit. but now im pretty depressed. its also really hard too because i have such a good relationship with her mom and dad and same with her and my family. what am i gunna do i haven't really hinted anything yet. i feel horrible there is no way i could possibly explain my whole situation. i wish i would have met her when i was 25 when i would wanna settle down. im sure all that was pretty much babble so if anyone can understand that and reply something worth anything please do. :(


James 7 years ago

I have a clingy girlfriend and she drives me crazy. We've been togther for 1 year and I don't know what to do. It seems she's embraced me so much that she pushed all her friends away. I feel if I leave her she'll be all depressed and she has a history for abusing drugs, ANyway I do love the girl but its just not going to work out. Im 21 she's 25 so dumping her would destroy her I think anyway what should I do?


Tom 7 years ago

im the comment above you too. Talk to her about how you feel. that's all i got i have done it before.


messed up 7 years ago

im so unsatisfied in my relationship, no sex, no wild things.. all she wants to do is rest, and have romantic get awyas.. but my mind set is more like go out to gigs, conerts parties, but shes no into that. i know this mite sound selfish, but i need sex. i see all these girls every where, but cant do nothing about it. my gf is so battling issues and self confidence. and im very scared she mite do somthign to her self if i try to break up:( but i feel like i have to be with her just for her sake... as my life just wastes away.


worst time 7 years ago

so i need to break up with my girlfriend but idk when the best time is to do it, cause we hang out in the same place(were both almost 16 and go to the same high school) and have been dating for just over a year, i still love her a lot but i can tell the relationship we have now is not the same as it was maybe 6 months ago. this friday is her birthday then 2 weeks after that is mine. but that is a long time to spread this out to and i want to be happy on my birthday and i definently don't want to ruin hers. i don't want to blindside her by acting fine and happy, but i also don't want her to be horribly sad on her birthday... what should i do?


worst time 7 years ago

also i can tell she is still in love with me A LOT but i want to keep a good friendship with her. im troubled and just need advice on where i should go from here.


Michael 7 years ago

Can someone please help me, I really do love this girl, but being with her is ruining my life. I KNOW that she loves me too. What's happening is that my parents don't like her (im 16 by the way) and there not allowing her to come over or me to go to hers. and we go to separate schools, im at a private school and have a part time job, she goes a public school and doesn't have a job. So the only times I get to see her is for about 30 minutes most afternoons, thursday late night shoppping and sundays. I don't know wether i should brake up with her or not. I have a real urge to make a relationship with other women, I havnt though because i am loyal to my GF. I just don't know what to do.

I love her. She loves me.

But being with her is making my life (separate from hers) go bad.

Someone please help me. I'm stuck for answers.


Michael (from above) 7 years ago

Would it be wrong to brake up with her like this? :

When she does something, like puts a mean sarcasm joke on me or something, just take it "wrong" and try and make myself believe its true and then use that to lose all love for her and brake it off like that? still not be mean, but you know, say that im tired of being treated like a slave?

coz she does treat me like that eg - well be sitting in the living room and she will say "Michael, go get me a drink please"

I mean I don't know if that polite or not. but its kinda feels wrong you know..

But seriously, would it be easier to brake up with her by turning a dis on me into something more and using that to brake it off, coz i seriously cannot brake up with her. I don't want to hurt her. i tried to brake up with her last night and she started crying and all that stuff and begging me you know "please, michael, your all i have, pleasE" that little chestnut. but would that method work, please

If you have any answer please email me on BattaYattaB@hotmail.com

That's for the last 2 posts.

Cheers.


This is hard... 7 years ago

I broke the heart of the love of my life because I wanted to see what was out there. I have had a problem with cheating and I wanted to find the root of it so i had to say hurtful things to here that I didn't mean so that she would let go of me. Now i am with this girl (1month) but i I know she is not the one. My first love is out there but I don't know if I should tell my current girlfreind that I am beraking up with here to go back to my ex...I think its too mean to tell her and might cause confidence issues with here that might have a lasting effect. Also, Is it safe to say that if and when I return with my former GF, I will have to stop talking to my current???

I appreciate any of your insights and advice.


7 years ago

t


Crisis!!!! 7 years ago

Okay here's my dilemma. I was with my g/f for 6 months or so. i moved in with her an things went from good to bad to worst. until she threw me out when we had major arguments. She is every mans living nightmare, she's jealous, accuses me of stuff, doesnt' trust me at all and always starts arguments over nothing. so we split..

because we loved each other... we kept seein each other now and then and then one i found out she was pregnant.. (oops).. 9 months later a beautiful baby girl was born and me and her tried it over again.. its been 2 months and the warning signs are flairing again. she again tells me she don't trust me and we consistently argue over anything. She does start the arguments then goes on like nothin has happened.

Anyway to cut a very long story short i've decided to split with her as i am seriously not happy an feelin depressed as every attempt to make things work gets nowhere.

Im not a quitter but i have tried so many times to reassure her and be there for her but it don't help at all.

my problem is after we split before she went on a VERY bad run of sh*t.. she started hanging with bad people an taking hard drugs, alcohol abuse and even self abuse. she already ahs a 3 yr old daughter an now my 2 month old and im really scared to end it this time.. i don't know what (well i do) she is capable of.

Well anyway today is the day that i will end our relationship. i have real ALL ur stories an taken some positive notes and ways to address this! I will come back and let you know how it goes!

Wish me luck and stay strong guys coz breaking up is a very hard thing to do!


Jenkins 7 years ago

You know, once i got to "Me" comment, I realized just how stupid this topic was

I firmly agree with "me" were all about self gratification, In every relationship theres going to be problems and you don't just bail, saying "im cheating on my partner because im unhappy" has to be the most selfish son of a bitch move any dick head can do, and you think your hurt?

I'll tell you something, if people stay like that, they'll never be happy


anonymous 7 years ago

I've been in this relationship with this girl for about a year, at the start it was perfect, i liked her a lot she liked me a lot. We did a lot of stuff together. Now i'm a guy who like's to be alone sometimes, and she's always wanting to hang out and stuff and i wanted to be around her just as much...until around the 8th month mark i just needed some speace and since then it's been a struggle to keep it together, she's always fighting me about how we don't see eachother enough when really we see eachother a lot. I really like this girl and i want to stay with her, but the way thing's are going it's not looking very good. help?


theconfusedone 7 years ago

hey, i read your article and it was so true.

i've been with a girl for 3 weeks. we see each other maybe once a week. i can't call coz she don't want her parents to know coz of a bad relationship she had before, and she won't call me because she don't want anyone else to know! so this whole relationship has been txting and i'm sick of it!

its not that i don't like her, i very much do! but i'm seeing its as a friend, not a bf! when we met we liked each other and admitted it. and so i sort of asked her out (i didn't do it properly as in face to face because we didn't get to see each other) it kinda just happened! now, after 3 weeks of txting she's talking about can i see myself with her a few years from now and can i see myself getting married to her etc etc.

i've only been with her 3 weeks! and not even gone on a date yet!! or spend the quality time that you need together.

its wearing me out and i'm not happy with us in a relationship. we "broke up once when i talked to her about us before, and tried to be friends, i felt happy that i could still be there for her and yet not be having a false relationship. but of corse she was the unhappy one...which made me feel bad...and after a day we kinda got back together....i just didn't like seeing her sad!!!

Now i've come to my senses and know i should end it now for both out sakes before things get father along! but i just don't wont to hurt her.....yet i know it will but its just got to be done! i can't lie to her and myself!

its such a hard thing to do! take my advice, don't date till your ready to get married! i'm just a teen!


AJ 7 years ago

So I've just gotten done dating this girl for about 18 months, and she broke up with me. We live about an hour away from eachother but we spent every other weekend with eachother, so I think we got to see eachother a satisfactory amount. It wasn't good enough for her, and she said she needed someone there all of the time, not just every couple weeks, so I apologized and let her break up with me. That very night, she's with this other guy and she texts me that she's doing "things" with him. The guy then calls me and tells me I better not ever talk to her. So at this point i was angry with her, but was calm about it (if you call crying your eyes out calm) and about a week of dealing with things like that I decided to date someone else. THE VERY SAME DAY I got a call from my ex where she's crying her eyes out and saying how much she regrets breaking up with me and how im the best guy she ever had in her life and ever will have. So here I am like...."Shit...., I really am in love with her, even though she tore me to pieces, and now she wants me back, but now I have this other girl(I was thinking all of these things, not saying them), so I was speechless. I told her we could talk a lot but she needed to give me some time to think. Two weeks later, I was still racking my brain and heart about what to do. I was really hitting it off with this new girl, we haven't had a problem or even hinted that we will have a problem. She's everything I want in a girl. Then my ex calls me with some news. She tells me she is pregnant, and she has been for about 3 months, and she just found out. Don't ask me how you can just find out after three months, but turns out girls can still have periods when they're pregnant, I don't know how, but just lighter. (I consulted a doctor about this) Now here I am today, knowing that I NEED to be with my ex. I am not going to have a child that doesn't have their real dad or any father figure in his life at all, and I need to be there for my ex as well. I need to break up with this perfect girl in about in hour to be with the mother of my child. But how do I know my ex won't just break up with me again in the future? I know this new girl would never even think about it, and she's hinting that she's falling in love with me. I also get to see this new girl everyday, and not have to wait until every weekend or every other weekend like my ex. I hope to get some feedback from someone, but I don't think I will in an hour, so for the people who read this, wish me luck and don't let yourself get in a predicament like this!


Landerswannabe 7 years ago

AJ,

If you look closely @ what you've got going here, child or no child, you already have answered your own question. Just like Dorothy, in the Wizard of Oz, who always had the power to get home on her own, by clicking her ruby red shoes together, you, too, have the power to know what the best decision is.

Justifying a bad relationship, by convincing yourself it's "for the child" or "to be the 'man' ", are (for lack of better words) piss poor reasons.

There are too many "what if's" in your story...First, and foremost, she may not be as honest as you think and may not be pregnant. Sad to say, but quite a number of women use this as a ploy to get you to come running back and then play the "miscarriage" card. Very twisted indeed, considering there are many well-deserved, committed couples trying despirately to conceive a child.

If she is pregnant, a simple DNA test (for around $350) is well worth the investment, after the child is born, and before any "I do's" are said.

Now if she is pregnant, and it is def. your child, you still do not need to go running back to play Sir Lancelot. A child that is in the middle of a relationship, such as you describe, is not a very stable place for a child to be. You are setting yourself up for doom, failure and only dragging an innocent life into the mix. If she is pregnant and refuses to put this child up for adoption, to a stable, 2-parent family that can offer it all the benefits of a good life, then hire yourself a good family law attorney and get ready to pay some child support. But that is only if DNA tests prove you are the bio-dad. Do not kid yourself...during her "angry and hurt" period, following your initial break-up, she very well could have become pregnant during a "revenge" love-making session.

Do not drop the girl that you say is supportive and understanding. However, you should probably be ready for her to get annoyed with your preoccupation with 1st girlfriend, until you weave yourself through the maze of paternity questions.

Starting a new life is difficult enough, even when you're with someone you're crazy about. A child in the type of relationship you have here, will only magnify the difficulties you are already having. It would not take long before you and girlfriend are in one of those arguments where one of you is spewing "you only married me because I was pregnant!" and, sure as hell, the little one will be right there hearing it all. Hmmm...How to make a Ted Bundy in one easy step,

Do what your head is already telling you...And don't let your emotions hi-jack your brain.


SamHasAProblem 7 years ago

Here is my issue: I am fifteen years old and have been dating this one girl for about ten months now, which many of you many know is like marriage for a high-schooler. I love her (I know it is a strong word, blah blah blah, I know what I feel), but some things she does just annoy me like hell. A couple of days ago, when I saw her last, she was talking to ME about how she doesn't know whether or not she still likes me or not... later that same day, though, she told me she loved me, so I figured everything was alright.

Now here is the issue: since then, I have been thinking about that... and even though I love her like anything, and I never regret seeing her, and I always enjoy her company (almost always, anyway), sometimes she just pisses me off. Or she needs me to call her every night, or answer every text. Now, I know that this is a responsibility or whatever, but I still feel like I sometimes just want space. Sometimes I just want to hang with friends instead of being forced to see her every weekend.

Now, she gets angry at me a lot for small things, which is okay, because I am a clutz and I am a big screw-up. However, sometimes she won't return the love I offer her, such as the simple but important, "I love you" even after we had an argument over the phone. I know it is just a little argument, and that we will get over it, but she holds grudges.

Anyway, we have taken breaks before, usually at her request. Up until now, I have always wanted to stay with her, and never questioned our relationship - the questioning came from her end.

But now, even as I contemplate breaking up with her, I can't seem to bring myself to it. Because I know that after I break up with her, I will miss her for a year, if not longer. When my last girlfriend broke up with me, I missed her for a year (I met my current two years after this other girl broke up with me), and I still missed her hand in mine, or whatever, up until I met this new girl.

Now, I ALSO know that my girlfriend HAS cut when depressed, DOES have access to possible overdosage medications, and does have a genetic case of severe depression that runs in her family. I am really worried what will happen if I break up with her.

Also, on a deeper level, I am worried that she will find someone else before I do. Now, rationally, I know that is stupid, and that she deserves anyone, because she is great. But I am also sad because I know that I will miss her for a lot longer than she will miss me....

Advice?

Please, as soon as possible. I need help on this one.


To the guy above... 7 years ago

Start being an arse to her so she gets annoyed with you and will eventually do it herself.


Me to AJ 7 years ago

Im in an almost similar predicament as you. Been in a relationship that lasted 15 months. 2 months ago, she told me she forgot to take the pill a couple times and she's pregnant. She wants marriage. I told her I'm not ready. We quarreled. Went for abortion. She kepth nagging for marriage after the abortion. After an argument she told me we were finished.

I went into a new and refreshing relationship. Current gf might be pregnant now as well. 1 week ago my ex called and said she could not forget me she's srry and what-not and wants to get back together. Told her straight I'm with someone now and she ended up crying and threatening suicide. Kept calling even after I repetedly hung up on her. Current gf also knows about her due to her incessant callings. Threatened to break up too but managed to calm her down after explaining the facts of the matter. ex continued to call to talk about the past, crying, telling me how she will change if we get back together. My heart melted. Finally I lied to ex that I have broken up with my current gf to calm my ex down. Told her I have no room now for anyone in my heart. Now ex bought a gift for me.

Both aquarians. Both a little eccentric. Have been lying about whereabouts for 2 days now.

What am I to do now?


silverratedspon 7 years ago

well i have a gf now...our relationship is not running good...well she is afraid to tell others about us especialy her friends because she does not want her parent to know about us. and her denial about us have brought me to many embarrasing moments like when someone asked us if we were on but she will deny it then i will be blmed for lying. i want to break up with her but i really cant i because i really love her.....pls. help me. i always get the feeling that m girlfriend is ashamed to tell others about us. i just don't want to her her... please help me...tnx


silverratedspoon 7 years ago

yeah..we are ok now..its was fun..we never had done anything like having sex or something...yeah...we are still in high school,second year in fact, that's why i never want to do anything that far with her because i don't want to destroy her future. for me, its ok to hav a relationship early so that i will have a lot of time knowing her and so that in the future we can be ready for anything...but there is something in her that well is usual in others but not in her,she is never sweet. she so simple that's why i hd fallen in love with her...good luck to others....


dog 7 years ago

ahh man i wish id read this an hour ago, just did the deed, over the phone, which really sucks i know but we live 100miles away, she was due to drive down 2nite but i couldn't let her do that just to be broken up with. she really is a great girl; weve been together 2years and had a 3 month break in the middle. i dnt wanna sound arrogsnt or dickish but she liked me way more than i did her which made it a really umbalanced relationship, meaning shed get hurt a lot due to my lack of motivation and commitment, its just got to the point where i cnt do this anymore its not fair on her or me. she was angry first, then rang back begging, which was horrible because i hate her being upset but it also makes me want her back less. i know iv done the right thing but its just hard to hear her in this state. i do care about her but i don't want her in the same way anymore, i even have to be coaxed into sex even though i have a very high sex drive. anyway i hope shel be ok. im sure il get lots of angry texts and calls from her and her/our friends but i know it was the right thing to do.peace x


Landerswannabe 7 years ago

FIVE STAGES OF THE LOSS OF A RELATIONSHIP

1. Denial. "This can't be happening to me", looking for the familiar or acting as if things are the way they used to be. There is no crying. Not accepting or even acknowledging the loss. Ignoring reality.

2. Anger. "Why me?", feelings of wanting to fight back or get even. Anger at you or blaming you for leaving.

3. Bargaining. Attempting to make deals with you to stop or change the break-up. Begging, wishing, praying for you to come back.

4. Depression. Overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, self pity or even mourning the loss of the relationship. Loss of hopes, dreams and plans for the future. Feeling a lack of or out of control. Feeling numb. Isolated and cut-off from friends and/or family. Perhaps feeling suicidal.

5. Acceptance. There is a difference between resignation and acceptance. One has to accept the loss, not just try to bear it quietly. Realization that it takes two to make or break a relationship. Realization that the person is not gone but that the relationship has changed. They didn't leave to cause hurt or pain. Finding the good that can come out of the pain of the loss of the relationship. Finding comfort and healing. Focus returns to personal growth.

You will survive. You will heal. To feel pain after loss is normal. It proves that we are alive, human. But we can't stop living. We have to become stronger, while not shutting off our feelings for the hope of one day being healed and finding love and/or happiness again.


MFreeman 7 years ago

There are so many guys on here talking about how their girlfriend is super jealous and freaks out over the small stuff, like the guy whose GF freaks out over Myspace messages, . These are the types of guys that search the internet looking for break up answers. I was one of these guys years ago, cause I felt trapped in a long-term relationship.

The advice in this article is great. However, it assumes that you're dealing with a relatively STABLE partner. Many guys are STUCK in unhealthy relationships with volatile women, and they have a lot of fear around the break up. They fear that she's gonna go BERSERK. Plus, they've been so conditioned by her jeaolous, manipulative ways, that they hardly know where to start as far as breaking up. It's not the girls fault that she's like this (it's usually childhood issues), but you gotta get away!

If that's you, I recommend my Ebook, A Way Out: A Men's Guide to Leaving Unhealthy Relationships. Sorry to sound like an internet marketer, but I truly wrote this book for guys like you, so you can BREAK UP AND GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE. Many guys don't need this, and can't understand why anyone would. But if this resonates with you, you should probably check out the link above.


Landerswannabe 7 years ago

MF, I'm not seeing the link.


MFreeman 7 years ago

Oh, just click on my name -- the link to the eBook is there!


MFreeman 7 years ago


MFreeman 7 years ago


MFreeman 7 years ago

Sorry for the double post -- I don't mean to spam. Admin, you can delete them! (I'm making it worse, aren't I?).


Charlie 7 years ago

Er...I need help.I love mygirlfriend a lot,but I met another girl.We have a lot more things in common.A lot more than me and my girlfriend.I want to break up with her,and need to be with the other.The thing is that THEY BOTH LIKE ME!What do I do?Please help!


MFreeman 7 years ago

Charlie -

All you can do is be open. You don't have to tell your gf that you like another girl, though she may figure it out if you're not discreet when you pursue a new relationship.

Just consider that your new infatuation may be fleeting, and that you may regret leaving your girl.

But you sound like a young guy. If so, you have your whole to experience both being single and being in relationships. If you've been with your gf for a while, I wouldn't rush to get into something serious real fast.


MFreeman 7 years ago

Charlie -

All you can do is be open. You don't have to tell your gf that you like another girl, though she may figure it out if you're not discreet when you pursue a new relationship.

Just consider that your new infatuation may be fleeting, and that you may regret leaving your girl.

But you sound like a young guy. If so, you have your whole to experience both being single and being in relationships. If you've been with your gf for a while, I wouldn't rush to get into something serious real fast.


Tom  7 years ago

I'm 15. So is my girlfriend. I think we've been together for around 2 years now and it's gotten to the point where i realise i don't love her like i use to. But i care for this girl so much, i care like i've never cared before, it's weird you know?... But because of my age, I'm at the point where I'm the 'everyday 15/16 year old looking for fun' and imean just fun. At parties i feel so left out as my mates are going round getting with all the girls and i feel married. I don't want to feel married at this age but i cannot seem to break it off. I'v tried before but she turned the tables and mad me feel weird about it, 'your not really going to stop our relationship are you babe?.. please... your the only thing that gets me through school" etc. It's a real hard time for us both in school, doing our GCSE's but im under too much pressure and im a real paranoid guy with past bad relationships so this hurst like hell; And I feel if i break us up, shes so clingy and addicted to me she'll hurt herself or just stop trying in her exams. I can't do that to her but i need to get out of what im in. I love her but not as much as i used to. I'ts real hard to explain you know so I can't get out to you what i feel exactly but i feel smothered. She's explained how 'I'm the only man she wants' and that she 'Never wants us to be apart, she wants me for life' and at the time i agreed with her and wanted the same because it was young love, but i've grown out of the committed part of the relationship and it's not what i want anymore. I don't know what to do. Please help me because i've ben thinking about this for a long time now but i don't know what to say. Help me on what i tell her. I don't want to hurt her. x


snarlmkiv profile image

snarlmkiv 7 years ago

Breaking up is never the easiest thing to do in the world, whether it's for the most pathetic or serious reasons. Getting your ex back is not an easy thing to do as well but it can be done. But how do you know you can get your ex back? Take the quiz here and find out more:

http://www.getbackwithyourex.info/quiz.html


Oliver 7 years ago

My girlfriends friend threatened me by saying if you hurt her i will seriosuly hurt you so im staying with this girl but i just don't like her anymore


wtf 7 years ago

wtf.


Rebekah 7 years ago

Wow becauseilive knows what she is talking about. I have been with my girlfriend for 1 yr and 8 months and i just told her one week ago i am no longer in love with her. She has takin advantage of my generocity, she doesn't work, is taking some bullshit class to get her GED (she's 22 I'm 28) and she can't drive she said she is too scared. I am a big family person and have tons of friends, but her family doesn't approve of our relationship or even acknowledge me! She only has 2 friends so she always hangs out with my friends (when we were 2gether) and then complains about how she doesn't like them.

When is it time to just stop trying, I can't force myself to find those feelings i got when we first met, how excited i would be to see her, touch her, kiss her. Now i just want to stay even more buzy just to get away from her. She has been very ungrateful for almost everything i do for her, its like im a babysitter at times, i need a partner who is more like an equal instead of "responsibility". I don't want to settle, but its so hard not to think of the good times =(

So today is day 6 we are apart and she text me she got a job (a place i took her to a while back, so in a way i helped her get the job) Last week i told her i wouldn't even talk to her until she got her GED, Drivers Licence or a Job, now that she has one of them i feel obligated to speak with her. I feel like im in a vert difficut situation.

All my friends said i made the right choice, but i guess that's what friends are supposed to say. I also feel like if for whatever reason i did take her back all my friends would think less of me, like i will just be with someone not worth my time - THIS SUCKS.

anymore advice becauseilive??


Mfreeman 7 years ago

Rebekah -

Your ex-girlfriend sounds like she's very isolated and overly-dependent on you. It's OK to have a fear of driving, but to combine that with having few friends, not having a job (until recently, anyway), etc... It's apparent that she needs to get herself together before she can be in a committed relationship.

Of course you're going to second guess yourself, and you'll miss her just because you're so used to her being around (and depending on you for everything...). But from what you've described, you've definitely made the right decision. Good luck!


digitaldemon26 7 years ago

ok.here's the deal.I've been with my gf for 2 years now off and on,by which I mean I've broken up with her before but she convinces me to go back out with her.don't get me wrong,she's nice and fun and pretty and I do love her.it's just that I wanna branch out and do other stuff without the complexities of a relationship.the other thing is that she's been joking a lot recently about me messing around with other girls which I have NEVER,and will NEVER do as long as we're together.that just kills me and I've tried to tell her this but it's like she doesn't give a damn.maybe it's the age difference.I'm 26,she's 36.I don't know.all that considered,I need to break away once and for all.if anyone has any advice,please help me


Kazenzakis 7 years ago

Hey. My girlfriend of 1 1/2 years has cancer. She's been in remission for months, and it doesn't seem like it's coming back any time soon, but that doesn't mean it hasn't fucked her up somewhat. She was diagnosed about 3 months after I started going out with her, and she's my first girlfriend ever. How's that for luck? (Of course it would suck to have cancer, too, I'm not a total dick, but come on. First girlfriend? And she gets cancer and almost dies? I sure can pick 'em... it would seem...) We're both 18 now, and she lives with me and my family (because her mum's a schizo (literally) who forced her out of home at knifepoint at the age of 15, and her dad is a negligent, fat ass). As with so many of the above cases, I care for her a lot, and I think I love her, but more as a friend than a partner. She thinks she's very much in love with me, however, and would probably shut down for days if I broke up with her. She's had a pretty tough life, and I don't want to have to be the next person to shit on her, but I'm just not happy being with her in this capacity. I don't really expect tailored advice here, I just wanted to get this off my chest among other like-minded people.


nautical 7 years ago

question.., what will you think if your girl has to phones and her reason is to reach out for her co classmates when they are in the 4th year hs btw shes in 1st college now... im from philippines.. sorry for my BAD english.. and she even said that she has no more time for me :( . . what does she mean? did she find another guy in her school?? please help.. give some advice .. here's my yahoo mail: jorge_daclan@yahoo.com


sensuy 7 years ago


TurboCharged 7 years ago

ive been dating the same girl now for just over 4 years and im not in love with her no more and not really attracted to her... i met another girl and have been hanging out with her for the last couple months and have just been loving it, the other girl knows about my girlfriend and doesn't like it, she wants to be with me and i want to be with her as well. Ive fallen in love with her, and just recently i told the other girl that i couldn't hang out with her no more so i that i can focus on my girlfriend and try to fall back in love with her, all i do now is think about this other girl and how much i wanna be with her. i have to break up with my girlfriend, it just has to happen. its all too hard and i don't know what to do.... Please help!


Christiana 7 years ago

My now ex-boyfriend broke up with me just 3 days after I want to visit him in California. i live in Florida. We were together for 3 months and everything was fine. The way he did it though was when I looked on his Myspace and Facebook profile. It said he was single. I talked to him briefly on a Tuesday night for about a min. Hmmm?! He said I Love You.. Wednesday he said he was busy. Ha Ha. Thursday afternoon, BAM!! He is single. NO PHONE CALL to me..


andrew 7 years ago

im in a relationship of about 8months now.My feelings for her has gone sour.I love her to death and tried everything that i could to make things better.im a very straight up guy bc idk how anybody can just sugarcoat anything.that's like lying to their face.But i told her our sex life needs to REALLY get spiced up a bit,and that some of the things she does,says,and acts scares me to death.i don't want to hold any excuses onto why i want to breakup with her.But what am i supposed to do be miserable with her for the rest of my life?i care for my feelings as well as hers,but id rather do what's best before anybody gets hurt.the word i love you to me has no meaning anymore.for her she means it everytime she claims.maybe shes boring or just uninteresting.but whatever the case may be she feels like the right one yet at the same time ive never really been single in my life and i want to really enjoy it before marriage or any of that.im so sick to my stomach to just say im not interested i think we need to move on and give an explanation,but at the same time i cant go around holding hands with other girls.its not fair to my gf.i don't feel happy.i don't feel that spark anymore.dating is about togetherness but i got into arguments about certain things like sounding maybe interested in talking to me or doing more with sex or even being excited to see me when i see her once a week.idk if its me getting to used to not seeing her but w/e it is i think all guys need to stand strong and stand up for what they believe is right otherwise you'll be miserable for the rest of your life.i hope im doing the right thing?i even told her we can get back to together but she fails to realize that i just need sometime apart and live the single life for awhile n not have to worry n feel guilty about everytime i go out and hang with friends and all.am i doing the right thing?shes taking this like were never getting back together ever again.but hey if she moves on to other guys than id be sooooo happy for her:)but is what im doing right in anybodies eyes on here???


? ? ? 7 years ago

I've been in a relationship for about 9 months.I love her but we are always fighting.we work at the same store and she is always annoying me.I am always trying to work my hardest while she goofs of with her friend that also works with us.working together has done a toll on our relationship but I can't seem to break up with her.sometimes I really want to but other times I don't.we are both 17 and I can't find another job that pays as good.I'm not sure what to do.


Aaron 7 years ago

hello all I been with my girl for about 6 years she has CP but don't live with her I see her every other weekend and don't see us moving on.

I was out one night and met a girl I liked I did not do any thing just left it as that but got me thinking about my own relationship.

My girl friends Cerebral palsy is quite saver and i do love her but i 27 now and want to start a family and don't think she can have kids.

The other thing is her life expectancy i looked about for in for on this and if she lucky she can like a normal person but also not make it past her 35 or so.

I just don't know what to do she is 28 a year older than me


Michael Freeman 7 years ago

Aaron, that is a heartbreaking scenario: You love your girlfriend, but you realize that you probably want something else.

You need to have an honest talk with her about these issues. Everyone's condition is different, and she will be able to inform you about issues of life expectancy, child-bearing, etc.

I'm sure she appreciates your patience and understanding when it comes to her condition, and she wouldn't want you to stay in a relationship you don't want.

Whether you want to stay or not is for you to decide -- your only obligation is to show her the same kindness and respect that she would show you.


Michael Freeman 7 years ago

Hey everyone,

I've been an active participant on this hub, and I can see that a lot of questions are going unanswered.

If you have questions involving a break-up, feel free to ask me at my new blog. I'm considered a "break-up expert", with two books and hundreds of advice column replies: http://www.relationshipbreakup101.com/


Brandon 7 years ago

me and my


Jose Moreira 7 years ago

I finished a 4 year relationship when I was at 21; and I was forced to end another 4 year relationship when I was 27. I though I could never find anyone in Portugal to get married, to love and care about. I left my country and spent 5 years travelling in Europe looking for that special one. Today I am 33, I am about to end a relationship to which I devoted all my energies and resources for 1 year now: this girl is 10 years younger than me, has a different mentality and her family does not support our wedding. I presented her to my parents, I met her parents as well, I have taken her travelling all over, and did all you can do to please a woman you want to marry with, but she never respected my fears of breaking up again. We agreed to marry, but at same time we have discussions almost every week, I left all my things behind and went to another country because of my working career, distance is making it even worse, and I do not know how to break up, she will burn all my belongings which are still at our place, she is telling all her friends and family I get nervous everytime I feel unsecure, bla bla, basically I found out she has no experience and she does not acept that, trying to acuse me and influence all people around I am the bad guy, that I have chosen to move to other place since I could not trust her. That might be also true, but not quite the reason, it purely professional motivations. But at the same time, I simply could not tell her what I really feel, maybe if she will go after me, I will get a proof of her real intentions - after one year she keeps telling me about getting married, but hits me in the back with some problems hard to understand - Í guess I found out she uses the wedding topic to keep me longer close to her so I can keep helping her until she will be more independent. But she keeps not supporting me among her friends and family, this is so unfair, even despite all my help, finding her job, taking her to social events to meet people and grow as a person, teaching her things she did not know or has not seen, I even bought a ticket for her to come see me, and on the same day I get her a ticket, I find myself talking with her while I get the feeling I am simply paying for her to have fun rather than to advance towards a serious path. I should break up, but she is acusing me of it all to test me because she started to feel I am unhappy with the relationship and she uses our belongings and my career as a way to blackmail me into being with her and keep being motivated for the fact I need a woman to really grow in life as a man, although, at the same time, she does not help me with that at all.. In the meantime, I feel nervous attacks and anxiety rather than feeling I have someone who really cares for me. And this is affecting my job and my weekends, which turned out to be endless suffering since I simply can not even go out for a drink or this relationship will break up due to the fact I am not respecting her. But she is disrespecting me by insulting me quite often and not excusing herself. This started to happen lately, after I got her a job: she felt more independent saying she did not need me, even if I was the one who helped... amazing behaviour, it stresses me completely, it drives me nuts generating violent reactions I never had with anyone, basically, because I never presented a woman to my parents, and it looks silly to break up with someone you present to your family as your future wife... too late, I can not stand it anymore, how can I break up with such a young girl (23) who uses revenge as a tool for an injust cause?


james 7 years ago

what do i do if my gf is an amazing girl and everything its just i don't feel like i love her any more. its my senior year and i would like 2 try 2 b single for a lil. i have been in two serious relationships for the past two years. i need help, i think i might end it tomorrow,another prob is that i work with her


james 7 years ago

what do i do if my gf is an amazing girl and everything its just i don't feel like i love her any more. its my senior year and i would like 2 try 2 b single for a lil. i have been in two serious relationships for the past two years. i need help, i think i might end it tomorrow,another prob is that i work with her


Joseph 7 years ago

I'm in so much pain having to tell this girl it's overt it's been 1 year and I just don't feel the sand anymore I don't have the heart to tell her its over but I hve to do it. I love her so much and she's an amazing girl but I don't feel the same bout her. She is so in love with me and I don't know how to end it.

Any advice?...... Please

Joegoto17@hotmail.com


Michael Freeman 7 years ago

Joseph, you obviously have a good heart, because you're concerned about causing her pain. However, your thinking is drifting into a codependent situation: It's not your mission in life to keep her from feeling pain, so don't feel that it is.

Unfortunately, if we want to have relationships, we're risking getting hurt. It sucks to have to let someone down, but we all get in these positions. It's unfair for her to keep leading her on; you have to let her know.

Click my name for info about my guide.


paul 6 years ago

Like Joseph above, i don't have the heart to tell my GL that im thinking about breaking up.we're together 2 years and we have lived together all that time, she broke up with her x to be with me and now i feel like im just abandoning her. She's a great girl she really is, absolutely stunning looking and so kind but the spark is not there anymore,don't know how i lost it, i feel sad its happened and its made me doubt my ability to commit again,, long story short, my previous GL was no less the light of my life and it didn't work out...it was a long distance thing, she was spanish,,, im at a point in my life where i need to make changes to regain my happiness. Yhe big problem is that i have isolated myself, her friends are now my only friends and loosing her means loosing them too.i wish i just loved her, life would be so much easier,


Calebtsb 6 years ago

Im not going to leave a long paragraph because just about what everyone else is going throught wit their girl friends i am to i just want to say that this really helped comfort me on my break up thank you so much


ronak 6 years ago

want to end 2yrs relationship with my girlfriend


Dee 6 years ago

Im fucked.. im sorry but i just had to say that outright. Im 21 and i've been with this girl for 6 years now. She was my first true love and the girl i became who i am with. Im a softy when it comes to emotions and i just cant bring myself around to telling her. It just wont happen my body wont let it... I love this girl to death, and when im with her all i think about is just her and me and happiness. but when im not with her i think about how i don't want to be with her... Love is a double edged sword in my eyes.. and what hurts the most is.. knowing that im the one that made her the way she is.. she used to be that girl who just hung out with her friends.. then i started seeing her then she started getting attached and i just fed that cuz i didn't know any better.. i just gave her everything and made her feel like everything. And i still do that but its gotten to the point where.. she ONLY wants to be with me like she has no friends almost.. it gets to me SO HARD... its like a dagger in the heart knowing what it was like and knowing what's it is. * side note * this is the first time ive ever actually said this to people i don't know.. so this feels a little weird.. but back to the point.. i know what has to be done but i cant get myself to physically do that to her knowing how she is.. she cries about everything, she's too much of a baby i guess i can say.. Man,.... it kills me thinking i want to do this to her.. it kills..


anonymous 6 years ago

Just short of a year now and I feel I just have to end it. She's thousands of miles away and I haven't seen her in months. Every day I get less and less interested in maintaining our relationship, but every day she gets more obsessed with me. Distance does funny things to people. For us it's not love anymore - it's indifference on my side and an idealised obsession on hers. It's stopping her having a real life and it's making her depressed.

She does almost nothing other than work and think about me. It would be one thing if we lived together, but it's completely another when she lives so far away. She really should go out with her friends and be sociable, but she doesn't and it's all because she can't stop thinking of me. Our living arrangements aren't going to change soon, and even if for no other reason than this, I feel I have to end it. I only wish I had realised and done it months ago when it would have been easier for both of us.

Thanks for the advice, I'm going to try and put it into practice tomorrow. Unfortunately, I will have to break at least one of the rules. The phone is my only option :(


anonymous (again) 6 years ago

And as a p.s. to the guy above me, Dee. I definitely feel your pain... It's shit, huh? On the one side you like to be with her, but on the other side it simply isn't healthy for her to be that single-minded about being with you.

I think you're right to end it though. It can only be good for both of you, but especially for her. Good luck


Hossein 6 years ago

I am not sure if I can break up with my girl friend. what if she has a heart attack. She has a weak heart, and recently cry all the time b/c I am leaving my home country. Every time I wana break with her, I feel so much guilt. Shall I ask a psychologist for help? Some one give me a hint.


C 2 N A 6 years ago

I have already made a decision to break up with my girlfriend of 1 year. As our relationship continues I feel that (I am / we are) slowly realizing that we are not compatible as a couple. I do not want our situation to reach a bitter emotional roller coaster.

With Xmas approaching, the passing of her mother just a few months ago, and the her recent broken relationship with here sister... I feel terrible for the fact that I want to end our relationship.

Should I wait until after the holidays, so she wont feel so empty during this part of the year? I would like to be friends at some point in the future if she can come to terms with it.

Thank you.


rrryan 6 years ago

1.5 years into a relationship, I moved 8 hours away, gf thinks this is a "committed" relationship, but I don't. I will hear opinions from family if I dump her cause she is tight with parents/brother. There will be tons of texting when I do this - any advice??? I don't want to hear the crap from all family members, but I just don't love her enough to stay with her forever. I have several women I have been seeing, and am interested in, which tells me my long distance relationship is NOT what I want.


cory 6 years ago

great post. i went through one break up after a 6 year long relationship and it was extremely painful for both of us. Now i am in another one, and about 15 months in, I want to break up and am again having jitters. I'd just add one thing which i have learnt - one needs to realize to oneself if they want to stay or not - the most difficult decision in the "too good to leave but too bad to stay" situation. do some assessment - take some time alone and if you decide to leave, then do not linger. and yes, i agree everyone owes honesty and respect to the other person.


mike 6 years ago

you people are very sick and depressing! Time to grow up -understand yourselves_ and get a life!


Lad 6 years ago

Right! Firstly sound advice, I agree that it is difficult and sometimes stewing about it alone doesn't offer any solutions to a very difficult situation. All the people saying get over yourself or get a life obviously don't understand the first thing about relationships or are just bitter that someone else found the courage to move on. Fair enough, I understand Me and Flamhelm's points to a degree, I too disagree with cheating but not to such a militant degree that i'm going to seek out cheaters on an internet forum and verbally attack them. Mike you say get a life but you've come on a web page that you clearly disagree with just to be difficult? I think you need a life. The most irritating thing is i'm willing to bet half the people claiming that 'men cheat for something new' are women, and a pet hate of mine militant feminists who chat bull shit and generalise through sexism just to try to win an argument. It's normal to not want to hurt someone, like i said i disagree with cheating but its not always black and white and i'm never going to judge someone whose in a difficult situation. I've been with a girl for a year an a half, never cheated and i'm not interested in someone else before Me or one of the other awkward people on this site label me as a chauvanist. Its simply because she's become too clingy, possesive, jealous and the relationship isn't fun any more. Add to that this is my first real relationship and i'm only 18, the longer i spend with her the more time i feel like i'm wasting, but i am in love with her so i don't just want to crush her and then go on with my life. I've tried for a long time to make it work but its only getting worse, I'd appreciate some constructive advice and not the drivel people like Mike are giving out.


some guy 6 years ago

lad, your right, and im in da same looking hole but its in a different place. I been with my girl for 4 years now, im 20. Its hard, but what you can do is love your family first, then your girl. most importantly is have faith in god. Im muslim, meaning that cheating is wrong,drinking is wrong, and doing anything where you intentialy disatisfy god or your family is wrong. just use common sense there. The reason i say that im muslim is because in islam there are ground rules in having a girlfriend, basically its get married. well i am not married, i met this girl when i was 16 and in that crazy age, things happen. now i feel as if im stuck in a cage where i dont want to set her astray.I have helped her become such a good person in life, The ideas that come to my mind is that, if i leave her, then she would become a "hoe" basically. I have learned that im going to love my family first, but at the same time not take her as serious as if im going to die without her. Im not looking for sex, so im not rushing. I will focus on my education and then become a successful doctor one day. Life is a perception in the brain based on materialism and evidence. you dont need evidence to prove if there is a god. You feel it within yourself. So for you to say that you dont love your girl is like losing your religion. I want you to think deep about the good times you had with that person. Let the negative not get in the way of your thinking. Religion is not what religion, because thats like a personal bank account between you and god. follow what you feel, and not what these decievers misleading messages. Your a man, do what your instinct tells you. we are not robots, thats why we as humans can control our life and others based on choices. either A or B, its a big test.

Thank You.


some guy 6 years ago

lad, your right, and im in da same looking hole but its in a different place. I been with my girl for 4 years now, im 20. Its hard, but what you can do is love your family first, then your girl. most importantly is have faith in god. Im muslim, meaning that cheating is wrong,drinking is wrong, and doing anything where you intentialy disatisfy god or your family is wrong. just use common sense there. The reason i say that im muslim is because in islam there are ground rules in having a girlfriend, basically its get married. well i am not married, i met this girl when i was 16 and in that crazy age, things happen. now i feel as if im stuck in a cage where i don't want to set her astray.I have helped her become such a good person in life, The ideas that come to my mind is that, if i leave her, then she would become a "hoe" basically. I have learned that im going to love my family first, but at the same time not take her as serious as if im going to die without her. Im not looking for sex, so im not rushing. I will focus on my education and then become a successful doctor one day. Life is a perception in the brain based on materialism and evidence. you don't need evidence to prove if there is a god. You feel it within yourself. So for you to say that you don't love your girl is like losing your religion. I want you to think deep about the good times you had with that person. Let the negative not get in the way of your thinking. Religion is not what religion, because that's like a personal bank account between you and god. follow what you feel, and not what these decievers misleading messages. Your a man, do what your instinct tells you. we are not robots, that's why we as humans can control our life and others based on choices. either A or B, its a big test.

Thank You.


Rohit 6 years ago

hey guys . hello 2 everyone arnd d world. i have this girl whom i am wid for the last 3 yrs and i wanna breakup as my family is very restricted plus we r from different castes and background 2 .But the pt is that she is very emotional and cries the moment i say i wil leave her. really don't know wat 2 do . so help me???


darkedge2010 6 years ago


Olamba 6 years ago

actually i want to breakup with my gf, i already broke up with her more than 3 times because she keep saying that she will not reapeat the past mistakes again, but everytime she is reapeating again and again,i love her and i know i will miss her but currently my i am not happy with her, i want solution,don't know what to do?


IronMan 6 years ago

To Break up or not to Break up that is the question. I have a over controlling girlfriend. that has many guy friends and gets mad if i even look at a girl. she has left all of her friends for me, left her past life, even moved in with me and one of my best friends. When we moved in together i found out how needy and stalkerish type of girl she was. Even at work she wanted me to chat with her on facebook(i think it had to do with her being afraid of me cheating on her which i would never do). She quit work because she did not see me enough... and ended up in dept because of it? which made me mad, since i wanted us to buy a house eventually and get married. But now i am unsure if i want to do that, i am going to school she quit school for reasons i cannot quite understand, we both have at least our high school degrees. She is very bad with money and credit cards and tells me i cannot tell her what she can do with her money, but as soon as i say i am going to buy a big screen tv or something with my money, she freaks out and says what if we needed it for something else? i think to myself... she finally got a part time job, i guess she figured i was not ok with her staying at home... I don't know what to do... i know i really do love her.....


Dirk 6 years ago

I know that it is hard to break up with your parnter. But what it you tried to do it in person and she gets physical. As a man you don't want this to happen but she does it anyway and then you begin to feel bad for her. even though you are still unhappy. what should a man do????


Danzy 6 years ago

It is a tough decision lads, I have recently split with my GF of 5 years, just before Christmas infact (good timing i know). It is never meant to be easy, human nature commands us. All walks of life pair off. I suppose back in the early days of humans we would fight to keep our mate for life.

Like marriage, when marriage was invented the average age of a person was about 25-30, You never had time to get bored and wonder off because you were going to be dead in the morning probably.

Which is why we feel bereaved when we do split from our partners because evolution tells us they have died (if you get what i mean). Other reasons are as you know, Males try to impregnate as many females as possible, that's why mother nature made having sex feel so fucking good because you want to do it again. The world has changed so much in the last 100 years and we have not had time to change with it. Too many distractions and de-sensitisation add to our confused minds. We are all basically fucked up emotionally and none of us really know what we want because when you do get what you think is what you want you immediately want something else.I do anyway maybe I'm a classic so called modern man who flitters between girls and all relationships seem to fade.

What I'm getting at is don't beat yourself up over it. We all just need to slow it all down and catch up with evo.

So about 2000 years, Good Luck :-)


mdawg75 6 years ago

im about to end a relationship with my first kiss. i hope she moves on cause i have already. i am so relieved ahhhhhh im single that sounds so good u have know idea!


Sarah 6 years ago

The fact that men need advice from the internet on how to separate from their significant other is just pathetic. If you're using the methods in this article to break up with a woman, it simply shows that you're not being honest and saying what is in your heart, but instead regurgitating some two dimensional and stilted phrases which any intelligent woman will see through in an instant. They're lucky to lose you.


noname 6 years ago

I've been going out with this girl for just over a year and she really means a lot to me, when ever I see her it brightens up my day, but were now going to different schools and I rarly get to talk to her, I don't wanna break up with her but I don't think ive got any choice. Anyone got any advice?


A Brotha in NEED 6 years ago

Okay... I have been with this girl since my second year of high school. I am now in my freshmen year in college and have spent 3 and some change years with her. They have been a good happy 3 years, but everything inside me is telling me to move on. This girl is my first kiss, I lost my virginity to her, and my first real girlfriend above all. Thing is, I still really love her, and it is incredibly hard for me to deliberately hurt her like that, even though it is for my best interest. I feel as though I am being selfish because she has done nothing but look out for me. I just want to know how it feels to say I'm single again. It seems like I'm spending the best years of my life in a way that I had not planned or wanted... But the even harder side to this is she doesn't have much besides me, and she has had a pretty rough past which leads me to believe that simply ending this would result in some destructive behavior. All of which is something I don't want to happen at all because I want to end this in a way that we can both still be friends. Anyone have any input on this? It would greatly help.


Tyler Moser 6 years ago

i am jewish and cant get a girlfriend so this shit wont help me in any way. i jerk off everynight twice. and im gay


Tyler Moser 6 years ago

i am jewish and cant get a girlfriend so this shit wont help me in any way. i jerk off everynight twice. and im gay


some chick 6 years ago

I just need to ask a question. Has anyone gone through all these emotions, convinced that you are no longer in love, broke up with their girl and realised... they made a mistake???


Stephen 6 years ago

'some chick'... I did! Im 25 now, and broke up with someone around 4 or 5 years ago. I had been with her for 4 years, and an initial 2 year stint before that. Safe to say you would probably class her of being in the 'childhood sweetheart' category.

Anyway, I broke up with her because at the time I felt like I had come to a point in life where I wasn't sure that I loved her like I should, and that I wanted to live the single life for a while to see if I was maybe missing out on more fun things in life, going on the lads holidays, meeting other women, etc, etc. I was young and somewhat naïve to say the least.

It obviously took ages for us to get over each other. Being single was something totally alien to both of us. But in the end things seemed to be great. My career has started out better than id ever expected, i have probably what most people would want in life and ive done things i always wanted to. She has recently married someone and is extremely happy from what i know (i speak to her only occasionaly on facebook, but we're always remained friends) and ive been in a relationship with someone for 18 months now.

However, lately i find myself in a position where i don't feel happy in my current relationship. I tell myself that i'm stupid feeling this way because she cant get enough of me, and i know she sees us being together forever! But for me i don't think i would be happy spending the rest of my days with her.

Sorry if this post doesn't really flow, i know im rambling. But anyway....

Ive always tried to live my life with a 'no regrets' policy. And no matter how hard i try, there is one regret i have, and that is breaking up with my ex. I know that if i could do one thing in life and lose what i have for myself now, i would do it to be back with her. She was so perfect for me, and i was too naïve to see it.

The dilemma i have now is, i feel that if i stay in my current relationship that i wont be happy. And that if i do end it, how do i know i wont feel the same for her in 4/5 years time and regret letting her go too. Stupid i know! But i cant help it!


Jens 6 years ago

@Stephen

I like your input. I'm thinking of breaking up with my current girlfriend. She's my first proper girlfriend, at least I feel that way. I don't really need tips, i just wanted to read about it, so i ended up here.

What you write scares me, because in many ways my current girlfriend is in many ways perfect, and my buddies tell me never to let go of her. (She tries to improve for me, does everything for me in bed, etc. Problem is that i have to tell her everything she should do for me. I even have to tell her that she should do something nice for me once in a while for her to do it).

She just annoys me at times. And she wants to do a threesome with me, mainly because I wanted it (two girls). Bastard thing that I'm thinking is that I want to do the threesome, then leave. I'm a better person than that though, I hope.

I'm really on the fence on this. I've had other sex partners before, but never gotten so involved with one girl. We've been together 1 1/2 years now. (i'm in my early 20s)


thatflyguy 6 years ago

this information is awesome...im not. im a womaniser and want to change. im in a relationship right know which i want to get out of and its been two years now. she told her parents about us and that's makes everything so hatd because her parents were against it but she would do it for me. im going back to my ex GF cause she knows and understands me and is willing to help me change for the better. i know she can do it because i am willing to change aswell. im not a bad person because i use to do it its just i love women around me. but that ship has sailed and its time for me to start over. i don't think i can bear hurting another woman but i just have to do this last thing. i don't even know where to start. should i text her that i want to see her or should i take her for dinner and when i do get with her what do i say. e.g im breaking up with you or i don't think i can continue this relationship. she is spaecial but not the one for me. im inlove with someone who knows me and can handle me and has the right words to say @ the right time! thoughts will be appreciated!


Dontknowhowtodoit 6 years ago

Ive been dating my gf for almost 3 years now, I still love her, but shes always way jelous, and always looking over everything i have, shes always asking questions about who i am talking to, i had to delete my face book because she caused so much problems with that, i have a myspace, but she totally spys on me there too, she even hacks my emails too... which is worse. But i love her, and i dont know what to do, ive asked family members, friends, ive even been to councleing and that didn't help. I just don't know what to do. We are arguing about stupid things almost every other day now, she seems to be the one who always starts it unfortunatly, I like to spend my free time with my friends, but I tend to spend most of my time with her, becase she yells at my friends and my friends end up cancleing the hang out because of it. I currently have been dating her for almost 3 years now and im just tired of all the fighting, when she gets real mad she just starts bashing me emotionally and hits me, its rather annoying because i wont touch her back, im not like that. Anyways.. ive done everything i can i believe to help make this relationship go back to how it used to be, how it used to be fun, happy, and loving, but im just lost.. my dad says i am not the same person i used to be, and he misses me being happy, ive gained weight, i quit going to the gym, im just misserable, i lost it to her yes, but idk, id want to stay her friend becuase shed make a great one, but if i ever saw her with another man, id just break down, because i do love her, i just cant go on living like this... thoughts? suggestions...


Rage 6 years ago

RAGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!! RRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAGGGGGEEEEEEEEEEEEE


thatflyguy 6 years ago

thanx!!! everyone...its done. i ended it wven if it was painfull for both of us. there was tears, blaming, 'how could you', i trusted you. and couple of other insults. but its over know its time to start a new chapter in my life and never look back. c ya!


thatflyguy 6 years ago

thanx!!! everyone...its done. i ended it wven if it was painfull for both of us. there was tears, blaming, 'how could you', i trusted you. and couple of other insults. but its over know its time to start a new chapter in my life and never look back. c ya!


Andrew =] 6 years ago

Hey I want to break up with a girl whos in mi class, but i want to just b friends and I don't know what to say to her without ruining our friendship

plz help me


Lee 6 years ago

Please Help Anyone,

My girlfriend is a senior in high school and im a freshmen in college. I have been with my girlfriend for 11 months now, and lets just say things have been very shaky. Before me, she dated a guy for 2 years who cheated on her a lot. My girlfriend is also extremely attractive, and that makes me worry about other guys. Aside from this, she is very controlling, and hates when I hang out with my friends. When we are away form each other, we fight constantly over texting and phone convos. Every single day we fight. In person, we argue sometimes, but very little. In person I find myself in love with her, but the fighting keeps me down. I am a very sexual person, and she isn't. She never likes talking about sex, and it bothers me. Sometimes I feel like my life would be a lot better if I were single and I could have fun and be with my friends and party. I feel like she is tieing me down. But I can't bear the thought of her being with someone else. I feel like i can't break up with her because she is too pretty. I feel like I won't be able to find a girl prettier than her. I know its shallow, but i'm so confused. Someone please give me some advice.

Thanks

- Lee


Lee 6 years ago

Also, she doesn't trust a thing I do. She is always asking me where I am, who i'm talking to, and goes through my messages and contacts in my phone. I don't know what to do, in person I feel like i'm in love with her, but when were away from each other, I feel like I want to find someone else because the arguing is so suffocating. With senior week and the summer nearing in a couple months, I don't know what to do. I need help. Please, someone, I need advice, I can't deal with it anymore


anon 6 years ago

I want to end it, but I just can't bring myself to do it. It would kill her and my conscious won't allow me to do it.


confused....help 6 years ago

I'm crying as I write this...I'm a mess right now. Please - e-mail me with any advice….vx.gary.xv@gmail.com I would appreciate it so much.

I've been with my fiancé for just about 4 years. When we first met, it was amazing. We were so in-love for the first 6 months, madly in-love...it was crazy. We moved in together even after 3 months. I was 27 when I met her-she was 26.

Anyways, what she and I both didn't know at the time was she was bi-polar. From what I remember, I believe she was diagnosed with something else back then---panic disorder, and depression if I'm not mistaken. She was on paxil when I met her, and was apparently going through a very happy manic episode. I obviously had no clue, knew nothing about bipolar, and like I said...the 6 months was amazing! We had plans on getting married, I was looking for rings...it was incredible. Best 6 months of my life. We had so much fun together!

Then it all turned for the worst. She got severely depressed, and completely did a 180...we were fighting, and basically things were hell. She and I eventually broke up after a year of being with each other. I moved out...and it was a difficult and angry break-up.

Well a month passed...maybe two...and we both really started missing each other. We started just seeing each other once in awhile. having crazy sex, and that was that. It was fun and wild...we missed each other so much...had so much passion for each other...then eventually both realized we wanted to be with each other again.

To try to make a very long story just long lol... since we’ve met, we've broken up maybe 3 times. Bipolar has destroyed her life. She lost her job as a radiation therapist; lost her house to foreclosure, lost the will to take care of herself...she used to be this tall sexy bright-eyed beautiful woman. She's gained 60lbs over the past 2 years. mostly cause of the meds, and snacking due to depression. She has no motivation currently to do anything...do her hair, dress up, go out and do anything with me, do any activity with me...no games...nothing...rarely spends time with the kids, rarely clean, or cooks, or does laundry. (I do most of the cleaning, cooking, dishes, my own laundry etc. She's never been the cooking/cleaning type anyway, but whatever...basically she just sleeps 70% of the day away. And wakes up to smoke and journal probably about how pissed she is that she's so depressed. She WANTS everything I want...that's why I hang on and fight so hard...it’s why I stay with her...her brain though doesn't allow her to...bipolar is NOT a mood swing thing. It's like someone needing heart surgery asap with 5 surgeons working as quick as they could...but WORSE because it's in your brain. I mean, if your loved one gets cancer…do you abandon them? For better or for worse is what people say when they get married. I asked her to marry me… What does say about the person I am if I quit now on her??

We share an apartment right now. She has two children I've been the father figure for since we met. (Their scumbag father took off when I got in the picture and never to heard from again...ahole).

Here's my problem....I love this girl beyond belief. None of this is her fault...it's the illness. But I'm 30 years old. I'm not getting any younger. I want to live NOW! Is that selfish? You're only given one life to live, and I'm not getting any younger. I want to ski, and hike, and swim, and travel, and be active, workout, have hobbies, start a business, or hell even play board games...all these things though, I want to do WITH my partner. I want someone who takes interest in ME, and ME in HER. It kills me inside cause she wants all these things too...her brain though won't allow her to. I come home from work every day and just walk into an extremely depressive house-hold. She’s depressed, the two kids are depressed…everyone is depressed.

She won't take any of my suggestions. She hates talking to me when she’s depressed. Nothing I say comes out right. She won't eat better, make small small goals...one step at a time, hell, even just take a multivitamin. She refuses to take meds from overseas( meds that she can't afford here in the US, that you can get so much cheaper at places like rx online...whatever its called. She won't try alternative natural help. She said she’d see a psychologist, but hasn’t made any effort. She has a support group she goes to once a week usually, a therapist she sees alone once in awhile, and a psychiatrist who in my opinion, could give two shits about her…just business as usual. here’s a higher dose of drugs…get tired and zoned…no problem…and shit, only the tired part works! She’s still depressed.

I’ve been dealing with this for awhile now. Am I perfect? Far from it. Could I do more? Absolutely. But…what about me? What about my happiness? Who’s looking out for me? She can’t… Ya know…my father made a good point when I talked to him, crying my eyes out (I never cry). He said when you die, you’re dead…people will care, but move on with their lives. So the only person who I need to take care of right now is myself, because if I don’t, who will? I’m the captain of my ship…I can choose to sink, or fight to stay afloat. Only the strong survive. All I know is that this is THE hardest moment in my 30 years of living.

And to complicate things even worse, there is this new girl at work who has been flirting like crazy we me since she started a couple months ago. She’s very honest, and doesn’t hide how she feels. She says I can’t stay trapped etc. She’s very into me, and tells me constantly she wishes I was single, and my fiancé has no idea what she has etc…(mind you this girl doesn’t know what bipolar is, so I don’t take that statement personally). I’ve talked to her about my situation, and have been upfront with her that my situation is rough at the moment...but I could never cross that line…but have told her…I wish I could. We work together 5 days a week, and I’ll be honest…the attention I get from her, fills the void I have from not getting it at home. I’m very attracted to her, and she’s been giving me uncomfortable butterflies….the things she says to me… BUT here’s the thing, I’m not an asshole. I would NEVER EVER cheat on my fiancé. I love my fiancé…but then again, I’m not inlove anymore obviously. And this girl wouldn’t want me to cheat either…she just thinks I deserve to be happy also….and she’s right. I feel extremely guilty for even flirting back with this girl at work…but I’m not doing anything wrong I don’t think. I’m depressed, lonely, confused, and just want someone to love me again, and show it, and enjoy the person I am,

So..yeah…that’s the very short version of what’s in my head right now…. can someone help me???


Confused...help 6 years ago

ugh...please delete that post I just made please. thx


Garretklometer1314 6 years ago

hi im 13 years old and ive been dating this girl for 5 months now. I am frustrated with her because she wont tell her parents that we are dating, let alone, she wont even tell me y she refuses to tell them. This tells me that she doesnt have any respect, and im thinnking i should break up with her. Am i correct??


Garretklometer1314 6 years ago

hi im 13 years old and ive been dating this girl for 5 months now. I am frustrated with her because she wont tell her parents that we are dating, let alone, she wont even tell me y she refuses to tell them. This tells me that she doesnt have any respect, and im thinnking i should break up with her. Am i correct??


Garretklometer1314 6 years ago

Also she would flirt with this other guy and say stuff that i would never say to other girl...i hope im doing the right thing...please i need a totally serious answer


DavidUK 6 years ago

Hi all,

I'm currently in a relationship of five years. We live together and enjoy each others' company, but for want of a better word it is more comfort than anything else I think, though I do care for her very deeply. We barely do any activities together, just watch tv or whatever, our sex life has been very slim for as long as I can remember now and we don't really have any mutual friends. I started a one year PGCE course in september with her support (not financial, more her blessing really) and after a couple of months got friendly with a girl on the course... we clicked. We spend all our time at uni together chatting and hanging out and it's fantastic. In the run up to christmas I got really confused about my feelings for her as they were getting incredibly strong, and over the holiday we spoke via text or online everyday. In a round-about way we both admitted we had feelings for each other but that the timing was awful, and that they were probably cursed... I think we both assumed they would go away. But here we are in March and they are as strong as ever. I don't know what to do at all, I think she is incredible and could see a future with her (we haven't got physical in any way, or even spoken about it... it's not a sexual infatuation, I barely think of her in that way though will admit it's a great thought if I do, it's more about a connection and being so comfortable in each others' company.)I literally have no idea what to do, I care for my girlfriend very very much, but don't know for sure if it is love anymore, and feel head-over-heels for this other girl at the moment. I don't want to hurt anyone but know I will have to no matter, and it terrifies me... my last long-term breakup when I was younger was horrendous in every way imaginable. This has been eating me up since November, and it turns out it's eating her up too... any advice dear people?


Johnlaw 6 years ago

Im in a relationship of 2 years, and it has gotten to a point that my girlfriend whats to be with me 24\7, she wants me to tell her everything that i do, she makes me feel guilty if i want to see my friends. i love her, and know that its going to break her, but after ready this page i think i know what i must do... why else would i be googling how to break up rigth?


dave llc 6 years ago

So my girlfriend and I have been together for roughly 7 months now. We've had our share of fights throughout our time together, but in the past few weeks everything has been going well. however, i dont feel that i should be in a relationship right now because of all my missed opportunities, her insane clinginess, and the general responsibilities of the relationship. I want to break it off with her, but i know she'll be crushed and say that it's "out of nowhere."

could you give me some suggestions on how i should go about doing it?


Matt =] 6 years ago

I'm finally free. My crappy relationship has finally ended. Not to sound like an a-hole, but honestly the girl I was dating had most of the problems. We met at a theater, as

I was introduced to her by a very close friend of mine(please note that my good friend is a girl). We dated for 2 and a 1/2 months, which is not too very long. When we first met, she told me she was madly in love with me. Creepy much? Anyways, I just said "what the hell, what have i got to lose?" and I asked her if I could be her boyfriend. Without hesitation, she instantly replied yes.

A very memorable month went by because she and I were in a serious relationship. But here is were it got messy and out of sync(please note again that I am in high school and 15). My girlfriend started talking about "how she wants me inside of her." Also, she started talking about how we are going to get married in 2016 on February 29 in suits and dresses made of duct tape. Come on, can you get and more childish and weird? To add to that, she said she wanted 6 kids and already had names for them! Ridiculous! As the days flew by, I talked a lot with my best friend, the girl that introduced me to her. As soon as my girlfriend found out, she instantly started questioning me if I truly love her and other such questions about me and my best friend. I was utterly confused and a bit ticked off. I quarreled back and started telling her if talking to my best friend is against the rules even though she tells me that she talks and hangs around guys at her school. This just made me so pissed off. How would this not make me mad?

Fortunately, I kept my emotions bottled up inside of me. But, there was one final click that made it all fall apart. This happened over a course of dates, but it just completely made me angry. Her clinginess and personal view of dates. Whenever we went somewhere, whether it be movies, mall, ice skating, ect., it was as if she could not let go of me. Her view of a normal date pained me as well. She thought it was all romance, romance, romance. A normal date, depending on the occasion of course, is supposed to be mess around, have lots of fun, and THEN romance. I then started to considering a break up. I talked to my best friend, and she was completely indifferent, but she said she would help me through whichever choice I made. I chose the break up option. Together, we wrote a break up letter and met with each other and called my girlfriend. I read it to her, and over a course of 1 week, it was over. At the moment, I'm enjoying life with no regrets :D


Matt =] 6 years ago

Dear Dave llc,

Try to think of it this way and ask yourself this question:

"Is she really the one I would like to spend the rest of my days with?"

If you have a tough time thinking that, or can't see it at all, go for the break up. Stay with her if you can imagine yourself with her until your end of days.

Hope I helped!

Good Luck!


DaneSmith 6 years ago

So i feel like I've dug myself into a really deep hole. My girlfriend and I are both 15, and we've been dating for about 8 months. The first several months were amazing, and it was during this time that we fell in love. But over the past month or two, my feelings have been changing drastically. I still really care for her, but I'm not really sure that I'm in love with her anymore. To make my situation even worse, we are both up to our neck in school work plus school sports. I rarely can find time to talk because I get home from school at 630 and have tons of work. She complains to me everyday about how little we talk, and how I don't even miss her. I do miss her, but I just don't have any time that I can really spare. To make matters even than that, she is incredibly INCREDIBLY clingy and doesn't ever let me have any time to myself, which I really need. To make matters even worse than THAT, her feeling for me are too great for me to ever allow myself to break up with her. I really need some space, I don't feel the same way as I used to, and I don't want her to become a burden in my life. I know it will KILL her if we break up, but I'm young and the last thing I should be feeling right now is stuck. I could really use some help, because right now, my conscience won't allow me to do anything whatsoever.


realtalk 6 years ago

if you follow what this article says, as a man, you are a bitch. you follow this, the girl walks all over you and wins. do not listen to advice on relationships from a girl ever. they will tell you to treat them like they are a princess. Only treat them like a princess if they fuck like a pornstar, look like jessica alba, and are as cool as will ferell. otherwise they are not a princess and instead they are just a normal girl who deserves to be broken up like one. In other words, say it's over and move on.


David Walker 6 years ago

Dude, you are only 15. I wouldn't worry about it too much. She's young, and she'll get over quickly. Based on what you've said, I'll bet she's the type of girl that'll find a new boyfriend really fast. Girls like that fall in love quickly and fall out of love just as fast. I'm sure she tells you how much she loves you all the time, but her feelings are much shallower than they appear. Honestly, at age 15, I don't believe I was nearly as capable of love as I am now eight years later. I've broken up with a lot of girls and had some break up with me. You get over it, but it's hard to do. I wouldn't worry that much about girl friends in high school. I would just enjoy your time there without all the drama. Take my advice, you'll never marry that girl or how a long-term relationship with her.


Mark 6 years ago

My girlfriend and I are in a long distance relationship for sometime now, we've been together for a year, 2 years on long distance, it's hard, and I'm afraid that I may be losing passion about this relationship. Though I know she know's how I feel, but she still wants me to hold on...


A. Smith 6 years ago

As many of lads above I'm going through a situation as well where I don't have the heart to tell her it's over but I feel has beer for a while. It's actually been since it started. I don't know what is wrong with me but I only enjoy the wooing of the women and never the sort of relationship which bears fruit in months time... Maybe it's my young blood that is fooling with me maybe it's genetics; males impregnating numerous females. Anyway I still want to smell other scents look elsewhere try different things though it doesn't look like a sufficient reason for leaving a person shattered to me. There is only one thing I still can count on, that if I tell her that the love is gone.

Check mate.

I'm not going to ask for help because I know here is non to be found I'm in the very same shoes as every mate who doesn't have the faintest idea of how to tell her the great news. I only snuck up here to fool myself with some "overnight" immediate answer anyway. But at least it helped me to realize it's something I have to deal with all alone...

Thank you for reading.


tarheel29 6 years ago

i have a live in girlfriend of 5 years. we have a beautiful 3 year old daughter together but im not happy at all. she's the type thats always right and so needy its annoying. i want to break up with her i feel like ive wasted 5 years i could've been with someone that really makes me happy. she's not the type of woman i thought she was. i guess i thought i could change her but instead picked up some of her bad habits. i need someone thats trying to do something with their life,someone with a positive attitude that has hope for the future. i do love her just not in love with her anymore we can go all day without speaking to each other. she just annoys me now more than anything. any suggestion i make to her to better herself she just points out what i dont do and gets mad its rather childish. its bad i find myself sometimes regretting ever doing this. its hard tho i want to leave but i dont want my kid to feel how i felt when my parents split. its really hard anyone got some advice?


6 years ago

had a girlfriend for 3 and a half months, she's like i love you and tbh i thought i was in love with her, i have been thinking of a girl recently who use to like me, we met up yesterday for a smoke and that smoke was 12 hours of hot on and of passion! but to make matters worse i find my girlfriend had an abortion today of my kid! for fuck sake what do i do now? i forgot what it feels like when you are fallin in love and now i am but with another person hElP?!?


luis 6 years ago

my girlf its really in love with me and ill ready break up with her one time and i get with her again. now i dont now how to break up with her again its so hard that im sad to doet again


Anonymous 6 years ago

Me and my girlfriend have been together for 1 year and 4 months. For a long time I've been having doubts

about our relationship, but never had the guts to break up with her. On the one hand I care a lot for her and can't stand the thought of her suffering so much due to my actions, and on the other hand I'm afraid that we don't make up a match good enough for marriage or bringing up children.

I feel that she is aware of this but her feelings for me are

blinding her or causing her denial.

Like many others here have already said I feel that this

is the hardest thing i'm ever going to do, and

I'm afraid that I'm simply not built for it. Even if I would go for it I feel as though I will back down the second she starts crying and asks me "why?".

I hope to god that I make the right choice and not the easiest, and that this article has helped me enough to do

this process as best as possible, because the last thing I want is to go through this as a unhappy person, in a unhappy marriage with unhappy children.


THQser 6 years ago

ok, so my girlfriend is amazing, she's kind, funny, smart, but very cynical, she spent 2 hours a few nights ago wondering if i was going to break up with her for some highschool girl (wtf) and that "something was going to happen" even though we've both promised never to hurt one another

oh and here's the best part, after we talked this over, i asked her if we could have sex after we'd been together a few years, she flat out told me we never cause "she wants to wait til marriage" this almost was a way of saying "it's never happening" because how often do college lovers end up together in the long run?

now let me ask you something, please respond someone, should i end it with her because i asked to have sex even after we were both out of college and she doesn't respect my needs when i do nothing but kiss her ass, or stay with her and hope she doesn't laugh in my face if i propose?


RippinGuitar 6 years ago

Just ignore her calls, texts, everything. Just avoid her all together until she breaks up with you.


michael  6 years ago

i need an opinion here or what to do i have been with my girlfriend for a while at the beggining every thing was fine we loved each other a lot her friends didnt like me or what ever they used to tell her to break up with me im a dick and i dont deserve her so then she stopped talking to her friends because of 'me' so im now guilty.so then after all that we were still in love we used to always be together sleep together for a couple of months and then after a while she said i was a jerk, mean, didnt respect her, jelous,and that i didnt deserve her i know i was a jerk kind of mean and i am a really jelous person and possesive so she wanted to break up with me a couple of times i begged her no too because i love her with all my heart i really do i'll do any thing for her so then things have got worse if a guy called her i wanted to know or texts email every thing what was she doing where is she at just every thing she didnt like it i tried to stop but just couldnt so then like 3 more times she broke up with me we got back together and finally the last time we got in a fight because she didnt wanna come with me to go out because she was with a friend so then she came out of her friends house we argued she left walking i followed her trying to talk to her driving crazy doing stupid things and then some guy got stoped his car next to her and asked her or told her some thing i got mad went after the guy but he left fast so i went back to her followed her to her house we argued more she was screaming at me super loud in the street that it was over and that she didnt wanna see me crying that she wasnt happy with me that im jelous she hit i didnt hit back ever!so after that i left mad broke the radio on my car went home was mad upset i did cry but i just couldnt break up with her because the love that i have for her is too deep like bad and i don't know what to do or how to just understand that it was over and the next day we talked it out when we were more calm we got back together i promised i was gonna try to stop being a jerk jelous mean and posesive so i kinda did for a month or more tried to take it easy but she tells me shes not happy with me and that if we stay together in a couple of years she would like to take a break for like 3 months with out talking so she can go out experience some more and then we wont be to mad at each other but i dont know i think its wrong because she means as go party be maybe with another guy so it gets me mad dont know what to do im still with her i love her with all my heart and i wanna know what should i do so next time she wants to break up and its serious what should i do how to forget about her or some thing because i love her a lot and not do nothing stupid i hope some one can tell me i would really love to stay with her forver but idk if its gonna work out because a lot of people tell her to break up with me she tells me she loves me but shes not happy so i dont know what to do i hope some replys or some thing please thanks :[


joel 6 years ago

ok... i've been in this thing 4 lik 5 months but i just dont feel anything anymore u know? i was the 1 hu was asked n i said yes but i just dont feel it....i like her but as a sister not a girlfriend n the 1 i RELI like is nw single but i dont wanna betray her n hurt her...crap....wat shud i do? its killing me everyday jus thinking bout it...everyday i wait the girl i reli like might get taken....


young 6 years ago

ok i like 14 lol sooo srry but see i went out wit tis girl and i really really liked her but theres tis other girl ive liked since 12 and im staring 2 like her agin and stuff ugh idk wat 2 ddo HELP!!!!!


young 6 years ago

ok i like 14 lol sooo srry but see i went out wit tis girl and i really really liked her but theres tis other girl ive liked since 12 and im staring 2 like her agin and stuff ugh idk wat 2 ddo HELP!!!!!


Ben 6 years ago

this is really annoying me

there is this girl that i might go out with but there is my ex-girlfriend who i like again and i heard that she likes me too

how do i let the girl down so i can ask out my ex?


Will 6 years ago

I don't know if I wanna break up with my girlfriend. We've been datin for close to 10 months now and I've been busy for the last few days and haven't seen her and shes gettin mad at me over it. Suddenly shes got super clingy causein me to go insane. I do but don't want to end it and don't know how to tell her without her gettin upset accusin me of cheatin. Any advice would be very nice right about now please.


J. 6 years ago

well i've been with my gf (ex now) for over 2 years and we have a 4 month old daughter together (as i type this) I lost feelings for her before she got pregnant and decided to be the nice guy and stick around through the pregnancy and help her with our baby. well i started moving my stuff to my parents house and she freaked out. i mean freaked out. we've tried to work stuff out but no luck. she's crazy violent like throwing things pushing me, punching me and what not. she's not that great of a mom so far either. which scares me alot. so i agreed to stay in the house until the end of july to help her get on her feet but now i'm thinking i can't stand to be there that long! she drives me crazy and i can't stand even looking at her anymore. she just wont get it through her head. i've told her time after time if she needs to get laid go get laid just don't plan on sleeping with me anymore. its the most stressful thing i've had to deal with. she's the same way as most women, clingy, jealous. accuses me of talking to every female that walks by. shows up at my work and just stares down any female i work with. its ridiculous. but its ok for her to hang out with her ex boyfriend and his band. i finally just put my foot down and told her too bad there isn't anything you can do to change my mind. i ended up writing an agreement up with her that she's going to sign and i'm going to sign. then i'm out. i feel like i've been single for months. anyways guys i know what your going through and part of you might feel like crap but life goes on. people eventually get over breakups. its not the end of the world. keeping your head up and staying focused on what you want and need for yourself is what you should work on.


neverPlayedHouse 6 years ago

I have came to the realization that we MEN are weak when it comes to the beginnings of a relationship. The pursuit of sex is too overwhelming. In a recent trip to see a good friend who had just broken up with his 6 year girlf, I found the seed of my unhappiness. It is not that my current girlf is a horrible person or we don't have good times. In fact everyone loves her. It is that I am incapable of placing the needed "barriers" at the beginning. Have you ever had the guy friend who you never see because he now has a girlfriend? That was me... that has always been me. It comes from the lack of placing barriers in the beginning. Yes it makes me happy to go out with my friends from time to time with out you, yes it makes me happy that I am not sitting in front of the TV growing fat, and yes it makes me happy to be doing stuff. I do agree that doing stuff is great when we (my girlf and I) do stuff together, but I should have seen from the beginning that her "stuff" is not in alignment with my "stuff". It does say a lot that I googled: "how to break up with your girlfriend"...


wtf to do 6 years ago

ok so.. been with her about 4 years now. have a 2 year old boy. We are currently living together. We have had 2 diff homes/apt before this and didnt work. we have broken up many many times but somehow we always get back together. i am very weak when it comes to woman crying, i usually give in right away and take her back. last summer i actually stuk to my word and we stayed away for a few months. i just can do it anymore. all she does is fight and argue, she is very very jealous. i mean, i had to delete my myspce,facebook, all that. i had to stop hanging out with my friends that i knew since i was little.i mean shit i love her and care for her but hate to deal with all this. I want to end things with her, but if i do.. she will avoid me having contact with my son as much. i know that if i try the legal route, she will file child support and i dont want that. I buy and do anything for our son and HER. i guess i dont know what to do, i honestly havent met anyone else, rarely talk to my friends and go out mayeb once a month. I am 23 years old. how do i slowly push her away/break up..??


Francesco 6 years ago

Hey,

I really liked going through your blog.

You are right. Most guys lack the courage that would allow them to be completely honest with their woman.

Hopefully women are becoming more and more able to choose men who know what they want and can take responsibility for their choices.


Lookingforawayout 6 years ago

This stuff is gold. I've been putting this breaking up thing off for too long. Because there's always something happening... vacation coming up, birthdays, etc.

Time to grow some balls and do it.


daronique WADDY 6 years ago

MY MEXICAN FRAND is dating this apple headed girl and there nt good togetherr she tells him whatt to do who to lyk and who to tlkk to nd its soo fckinq retardedd it pissed me off he was goin to breeakk upmwif her if she mad tha cheer leading team bt she didnt bt she cried bout that anyutways i was weakkk bttt bak on topicc who wants a controlling relastionshipp he has no frredomm and everywhere he luks shes there she sits thr=errre nd does his projects ndd shxt crazii rite?

btt i kno where shes commin fro becauseeee lyk if she wasnt on him he would b cheatyinggg wif soo manii gyrls bt she should trusttt hym nd if therweeee no trust there no point and when friends or ex friends that she ran away try to attempt to tell her she doesnt wanna tlk about it cus she knows she wrong yes i do like him his names JESUS FRANCDO btt its nt that i lyk him cus certain reason certain thionggg that makeee me lik him bt ill move on and apple head will to she jst gta stop runninq him away nd get a lyfee and worrie boputt otha important thingzz lyk school


bbllaakkee1 6 years ago

hi people i have been dating my girlfriend for now 7 months, throughouut this period she had been getting 'carried away with other guys' (sending them pics etc...) i love her to bits and she says that she loves me aswell... but what i dont know is wether i should be putting up with this. i dont realy want to end with her but i would like to tell her that if it happens again then i dont realy want to be with her. any ideas on how i could tell her this ??


girl 6 years ago

most of u guys are such losers its crazy!!!!!!! who the hell told u lifes supposed to be bloody easy?! good luck with all ur foolishness!!


biub 6 years ago

Hi guys, ive been seing my girlfriend for almost 3 months,at first it was fun although recently shes put a lot of weight on and suddenly I dont wanna hang out with her anymore. We used to be good friends, I dont wanna lose her completly but i feel I wll if I finish our relationship. Do uthink I should giveit more time?.


lancerecruit 6 years ago

Well, not sure why I am writing this but I guess I need to talk. I am 38. Last year, I met this amazing and wonderful girl, 31 y/o. We spent 5 months together that were great! I am in HR, she is a nurse's aid. We shared much time together, nite and day. I have a harley and we used to share in that all the time as its my passion. Well, after spending 5 months together day-in and day-out all spring and summer, she started having to work doubles 4 days a week, had a move happen to a new home and was not able to spend 1/8 of the time togther that we did previously. We started arguing, I got jealous of her time, clingy and craved her attention, (Mind you, at the time, I got laid-off, was dealing with my fathers death and felt very much alone, except for her. We went back and forth, fighting and arguing until xmas. Then, she said she could not do this, that she needed her space and we went our seperate way.

In January, I met another very attractive girl whose parents and family are extremely well, off. Shes educated, smart, responsible, one of the most giving and supportive people I know, 29 y/o, and loves me to death. I spent 99% of my time at her home, staying overnight, working writing resumes while looking for a job, and all the time, this girl did everything for me. I can say I had no complaints!

2 months ago, my ex came into the pic(we did talk sporatically from March through April and started really talking again. She has told me that these last few months apart have made her realize that she made a big mistake, that she is "in-love" with me and is willing to do whatever it takes to make it right this time. I belive her that she had this "revalation as she never once told me she loved me back then alothough I always knew it. She was scared and my clinginess, jealously and so on drove her to this point. (Yes, she has two physically abuse relationships in the past.) The thing is, I never stopped loving her with a passion and this other girl who has been terrific to me, I cant say that I have those felings or desires at all. She is more like a best friend who I adore. But, she full heartedly loves me for real.

I want to be with her again as I never stopped loving her. I know we were meant for more. But, I dont want to hurt this great girl either who I just do not feel the same about. I am afraid I am making a mistake but, I wont know unless I pursue where my heart lies. Very hard and makes me sad. Not sure how to go about it.


bob obill 6 years ago

i had a girlfriend what i shagged


Gizmo 6 years ago

I’ve currently seeing a lady that I feel I can’t cope with anymore, the problem is she is unwell and may be for awhile, she has also told me of how ‘men get bored of her’ to which I’d reply ‘I’ll never get bored of you’, well I kinda have now, and she is so clingy and is always telling me she ‘loves’ me! I’m stuck; I don’t want to hurt anyone. She (at least twice a week) has this dark mood were she feels sorry for herself and tells me to leave, but they pass and then she’s throwing herself at me again, what do I do?


jbrav55 6 years ago

I see a lot of people posting problems but not many answers, so I'm posting my situation as a caution to anyone else in a similar situation. I have been in a relationship with my gf for six years and I'm in a living hell. At first she displayed a lot of "warning signs" but I chose to ignore them. For example her father abandoned her family when she was young so she hs dependency/attachment issues. At first I thought it was great because I felt someone who's so dependant on me could never cheat on me and I didn't have to worry about that. She also displayed anger issues. We broke up for a period of time several years ago where I moved back home and eventually dated another girl. She persisted in getting back together with me and I finaly gave in and before doing so confided in her my other relationship. For the next several years she used this as "leverage" in any argument and the guilt I felt let her do it. It wasn't until years later that I discovered during our time apart she slept with several guys during our time apart and I found out bc she was still talking to them years later. In fits of rage she has physically attacked me dozens of times like a wild animal. Neighbors have called the cops several times and I have never laid a finger on her and to my relief cops always wanted to take her to jail. But due to my shame abd guilt if it ruined her career I would never press charges. She also has a habit of destroying anything she knows I enjoy such as a new phone, ps3, flatscreen tv guitars etc. She really knows where to hit me where it hurts. I have let her make me alienate myself from my family and give up my dreams to make a career for myself or any money in a shithole town where her family lives so I have no money and am dependent on her. She is abusive, psychotic and dangerous yet the funny thing is she has me by the balls so much that I won't ever do anytghing about it. I will live the rest of my days miserable and controled by this woman. This is a warning that if the signs are there early, DO NOT IGNORE THEM! You've been warned


Christian 6 years ago

My gf and I have been dating for over a year and a half now. She's great. She's caring. She's not clingy. She's not needy. She's not annoying. She loves spending time with me. She would do anything for me to make me happy too. We've talked about moving in together in another year once we finish our respective degrees. For about two months now, I've been considering breaking up with her. Honestly, I think I'm just bored. I don't know what to do, especially cause she's done NOTHING wrong. She would be absolutely devastated if we broke up. She is just so incredibly in love with me. I don't know what to do.

On top of that, I have interest in another girl, with whom my gf has issues. This could get bad. Any ideas?


Jeshika 6 years ago

just thinking on the keyboard. if my ex had read this before he broke up with me, he wouldn've: A. changed his fb status to single B. call me an hour later to give me a reason why, and C. the next day tells me two other reasons why. Pain, dishonesty, and a hard time consintrating on school work. Bull****. plus, i'm not in a current happy releationship with his bff.


heartbreaker25  6 years ago

last year i broke up with my girlfriend of 3 and a half years after breaking up with her i knew that something was wrong she was def a cheater they say 97 percent of the time you think your lovver is cheating your right! so anyway now im dating this 20 year old for a month and omg she so freaking in love with me and i want to break up with her i almost did last night but she got so upset that someone told her i was going to do it that she suppossedly threw up blood wtf but this advice has made it easier i think im just going to take her to a coffie shop and discuss it there i HATE breaking hearts!


Lman3 6 years ago

I will be logging in to see if anyone responds soon although, that definitely does not seem to be the trend. My issues are not all that deep other than my girlfriend and I have this weird chemistry that was not always evident. When we met a year ago now, we had the most amazing sex. Everything was over the top and from random thoughts of her to knocking down the walls like a caveman things could not have been better. Within the last 6 months things have really slacked off and I don't understand why. I know that life isn't easy as I have deployed as an Army Infantryman several times. I know that is a different sort of hardship but nonetheless, I know what work is. We had it out today because, for the 4th time now, we are in a situation where we need her to drive my truck that is a stick shift. She absolutely refuses to even attempt this along with many other inconsequential suggestions that I offer. I don't want her to fit into a box...I just want her to think outside of hers sometimes!!!!! It is killing me inside and the frustrations build and intensify as counseling does not seem to be getting through, she still blames EVERYTHING on me and takes no responsibility for MOST things. I am a student of psychology and really, even though I see that the end is near, do not want to accept that I cannot make this thing work seeing as how psychology teaches us to become completely introspective.

PLEASE SEND SOME INSIGHT AS I FEEL LOST AND EVEN SUICIDAL DUE TO THE REPRESSION OF BOTH SEXUAL APPETITES AND OTHER SIMPLE ENJOYMENTS AT POINTS!!!! She would be destroyed and I am not sure how she would react other than to kill herself if I do tell her it is over...I have tried before and it really didn't seem like she was going to survive...would it be wrong of me to do it during counseling????? Like, is that the answer???


Nick (first time on this page) 6 years ago

Lman3 i would not do it during counsouling you should do it maybe when you are alone with her.If u think she will kill her self then after you guys break up if you manage to get that far then watch her for a few days without her knowing or have a freind do it if its to hard so if she tries to kill herself then you can stop her but i guess the most important thing is you have to tell the truth if she really loves you she should be able to acept that. let me know how it goes and if i helped by sending me a messege at stg.SNUGGLES@yahoo.com (dont make fun of it my freind made it for me and i decieded to keep it okay)


Randomguy 6 years ago

Yeah, I made the GIGANTIC mistake of ignoring warning signs early on. She'd break up with me alot and I'd always take her back, and now we've been going out for a little over 2 years. She's just really rude and tries to pass it off as joking n matter what, and if we're arguing, she always tells me I'm the one that needs to calm down when I slightly raise my voice. She's one of the most verbally abusive people I know and she's bipolar I'm pretty sure. She'll get super mad and then act like I'm crazy for getting so offended that she got so angry, and turn it into a big joke. She's extremely possessive and I feel like she'll read this so I have to be vague because she somehow finds out about everything, so there's no way I can ever vent to anyone anymore. There's guilt keeping me there because I've did some things I really shouldn't have in the relationship, but I almost can't handle it anymore. I've turned into a bitter, sad shell of a person I used to be, and I can tell some of my friends have noticed. We all hardly talk much anymore, because of her. I almost just want to end it in a gigantic fight so I don't have to deal with this crap that I'll have to go through because I just don't think I can do it. I hate upsetting people, and she gets upset whenever I raise my voice slightly, so I don't know how she'd react to all this. Other than the early months and the way she acts she treats me pretty good which makes it even worse. I'm scared I'm never going to get out of this hole, because I depend on her so much, and I have no other support. I just want out. Please, anyone reading this, DO NOT make the same mistake I did. It's like going through hell daily and I might snap soon. I have nowhere to talk about any of this and it's always in my head 24/7. Of course I can't tell her. I just need some relief. I feel like I live in terror every day and I feel like my life may be ruined for the long run.


jennie 6 years ago

I think you need to seperate yourself from this situation and think what is going to be best for you in the long run! It does not sound as if you are happy and you cant take resposibility for somebody else who may be manipulating you emotionally you sound as if you are physically getting too worn out! Find someone that will make you happy ! I was in a relationship that was draining like this and you really have to just step away it takes a while to realise this but you can do it! Go stay with a friend or get away for a few days where you can have time to rationalise a bit. This person seems as if they are taking too much from you !!! You have nothing to feel guilty about I know you care but you need to stop over analysing and just step away!


hugo 6 years ago

im with a girl and i don't know what to do as i love her but as a freand and i broke up with her before and she was really horrible about it and went around saying things behind my back after a while i went back out with her to stop her getting worse and it stoped but i still dont like her and i want to finish it but dont know how


jennie 6 years ago

You need to look at what you are getting out of this and it doesnt sound as if you are v happy and also sounds as if she is being a little manipulative! Just be honest tell her that you care about as a friend but you dont feel as if it is working out and be strong about it !She may start saying things again but just ignore it and be bigger than that. You may not be able to be friends again with her initially as you both will need some space to work things out ! but you shouldn't worry about it! She will be fine and you will both move on!


clayton 6 years ago

I've been goin out with this girl for sometime now but I just recently met this girl at the beach and she's all i've been thinkin about. We've been talkin for a while and really like each other and want something to happen between us but she don't know bout my current girlfriend I mean were not dating yet but Me and my girl have been havin trouble and was goin to try and end it using these problems as an excuse but she keeps wanting to fix it I've told her I'm not happy but she's so caught up on herself and that's where all the problems come from. I wanna leave her but I don't wanna hurt. I meant everything I told her but Im just ready for something else


bubba_jank 6 years ago

Thanks for the advice. I broke up with my fiancee after 4.5 years together, and your advice helped. But, I jumped into another relationship too quickly, which lasted about 4 months, which I just ended 30 minutes ago!

People, if you don't feel right in a relationship, you need to end it ASAP. It's not fair to either of you if you continue a relationship you're not happy in. Like the article states, somebody is going to get hurt, anyway.


dtank 6 years ago

i have been dating a girl for about 2 years now and i love her and dont want to hurt her by breaking up. but i have for the last couple months, been feeling distant and like i am not like her anymore. i have been wanting to break up for a while but cant bring myself to do it. im also very close with all of her family which makes it harder. And to top it off wer going to the same college next year and i have no idea what to do


jennie 6 years ago

If you are feeling distant in a relationship and things are not right then you can either take a break and evaluate the situation by having some space... it could be you are both under pressure right now and thats why you are both distant??? or if you really know that this is what you want to do then be truthful and talk it out! It's not an easy process and you obviously care about her a lot but you need to be sure of what you want...! If you guys are going to the same college then thats something thats not going to change and you will both eventually accept and be fine about it! Doesnt mean you cant be friends either just means she will need space for a while but as long as your honest about everything it should be fine, just be honest!


chris 6 years ago

its been a year now ive just turned 20 and it seems like im an 85 year old married man i had enough an i tried the douche bag approach hoping shed hate me, say horriable things, and be so discusted she would never speak 2 me again..... needless to say it was a bad idea shes obeeses as ever and threatens her life if i leave her. im goin to try a face 2 face approach tonight and follow the respectful route thanks for the help wish me luck.


kcl 6 years ago

I'm thinking of breaking up wtih my boyfriend, but it's really hard. He's so sweet that he's too sweet. He's smothering me. I can go for 4 hrs of him texting me and me sending one word responses. I like him, but it's too much. He's always calling, and coming over to my house, and I feel like a villan. You shouldn't feel like a villan when you're with your sig other! I was the one who liked him first and I'm his first girlfriend. It's hard. I have no idea what to do. i honestly want to be single right now, which is probably why I can't stand his mushiness. It's even worse that my family likes him! It's a terrible situation and I just want to cry!


jen 6 years ago

heya, maybe its because you are his first girlfriend? you could always ask him for some space or just be completely honest with him see if it makes a difference? if you really want to be to be alone just be honest but you have to stay firm with your decision. I know how hard it can though when you dont want to hurt someones feelings especailly when you care about them but if you stay in a situation that you are not comfy in it will make things worse for both of you! he will be ok in the long run and so will you :) just tell him how you feel you will feel better for getting it out in the open x


6 years ago

so ive been dating my girlfriend for 4 and ahalf hears now and I am only 20 years old. Long story short she cheated on me half a year ago and things have never been the same. Now I barely want to hang out with her/talk to her etc. She says she'll kill her self if I leave. what do i do and how?


andrew 6 years ago

I have been in a relationship for only a month and I don't know what to do I have known her for almost 5 years and I think I might love her.. When I used to like her a long time ago she would never go with me it was always her other guy friends but I'm realizing I can't get my previous girlfriend out of my head. Me and her were together like 5 months or so I just don't feel right in this relationship and I told her that and she told me I wasn't giving it anytime I have been dreaming about my ex and everything I can't just drop it.. I think I'm going crazy.. Please help


Schards 6 years ago

Ive been with my girlfriend for over a year now, and the passion has gone. I do still love her but I dont want to be in a relationship anymore. I lost my Virginity to her and she is my first love. What makes it harder is that before i met her both her mum and brother died and her life was down the toilet. So she credits meeting me with getting her life back on track and i cant bring myself to end it because i fear what she will do. Also I have started to develop feeling for a girl in work, who asked me for sex the other night but I turned her down because I dont want to break my girlfriends trust. Please help.


Dalton 6 years ago

can someone help me with my problem

i have a girlfriend that i want to break up with cuz

im seeing an opportunity to get together the one who

i really love,but would i be wasting my time if the girl

i love doesnt love me back?but i see some chances that

she and me could be together,i really like her alot since i first laid my eyes on her when i was a kid.

pls help. thank you.

she's a friend of my gf and normally im a nice guy

so i dont know what will be her reaction on that.


Jake 6 years ago

I am having and problem and do not know what to do about this. I have gone to grad school that is a distance away from my girlfriend of 5 years


Eric 6 years ago

PLEASE HELP

I am having and problem and do not know what to do about this. I have gone to grad school that is a distance away from my girlfriend of 5 years. We were always a pretty good couple, and she is a lot of what I look for in a girl, but of course there are always problems. We tend to fight a lot, and it seems to have gotten worse recently especially since I have moved away. She is deathly in love with me, and I love her too, but I'm not sure as much as she does. My problem is that we are the each other's first long relationship and we also lost our v cards to each other. We also have a lot of common friends where I am from at home. I know it would be really really hard to break up with her and I know that she would completely hate me if I did so.

First off, I don't ever want her to hate me, and I don't want to make it shitty between us and our friends.

Second, I am not even sure if I want to break up with her or not yet. I have interests in other girls, but I can't help but always compare them to her. Like they may not be as good looking or what I am looking for. Basically, more of what I am asking is what people's advice is on breaking up with her. On one hand I kind of want to see what else is out there before I settle down because I never want to look back and regret it. On the other hand, I know I am a very jealous person, and if we break up and I hear about her and other guys, I know I'll be real pissed/upset. I don't know how that would sit with me if we ever did get back together. Unfortunately I don't have experience with breaking up with girls because I have been with her for 5 years, so I am not sure if it's worth it or not.

Really I am looking to leave that option open to getting back together, but I feel like she would never give me the chance again, and she would probably go crazy with having sex with a lot of other guys if I break up with her. I know that from a short period that we did break up for a few years ago. PLEASE HELP!


6 years ago

I would say maybe have some space... but don't get rid of 5 years worth of a relationship ! It may be your biggest regret, just try to work things through. Sounds as if she is getting a little insecure about the distance to try to reassure her maybe? Because it can become v easy to overanalyse things when distance is involed the more you reassure her the more space she is probably going to give you!

Just be open and honest about your feelings though and talk to her ! x


Tom 6 years ago

Dalton,

Don't beat yourself up man, look you can't possibly get what you want without a little pain somewhere. You gotta crack a few eggs to make an omelet champ. So your attracted to your gf's friend....who isn't normally? The friends of your gf are usually just like your gf, except they are new and interesting, and usually just as good looking if not better then your gf. So its natural to like this girl.....now you have to decide if you really wanna take the leap. You can't just put a relationship on pause, take a look around to see if things are better and then unpause your relationship to make a decision. God that'd be good wouldn't it? But you cant.

So what do I do? you ask, well be a man and make a decision. If you love your gf (i.e. are in love not just friend/family kinda love) then I would give doing anything a rest for a while.....Sometimes we just get passing infatuations with people and then you realise your gf's friend wasn't for you.......or you could break it off with your partner, and i think seeing that your on this site that may be your thinking at the moment. Well if you do that, then follow the advice at the top of this page. And then after the break-up this is the most crucial time. DO NOT i repeat DO NOT pursue her friend straight away....that's like pouring gasoline on yourself and jumping through a flaming hoop hoping not to get burnt...it's a bad move bro.....if you want the friend, then just be relax for a week or two and don't approach the friend. You need to heal yourself, even if you think your fine...take a breather, this isn't the time to be rash or emotional, last thing we want is you falling to your knees and crying out your undying love. This will have the girl running faster then Usain Bolt at the olympics. After a week or so arrange to meet the friend for coffee, tell her you need to talk (she will assume its about the break-up) if she asks why, just say keep saying "I need to talk to you about something".....she'll show up, when you meet her this is also the critical part....DO NOT say anything about you liking her, just say you needed to talk to her b/c you were wondering how your ex is now coping. Wait for the response, reply in short "Oh Ok, well its hard on both of us. I'm just glad were not living a lie anymore" or something like that. Then change the subject....to anything! It is now turned into a small(very small) date. And then after this meeting, don't do anything again for a week or so....and then full-steam ahead champ! but keep in mind she (the friend) may not want to have anything to do with you...Don't let any previous feelings for the he show until you know she feels the same...the old tired line of "I've liked you for ages" doesn't work, its crap. Chicks hate it, you have to let them think that they were the first to like you. And then don't worry about your ex, the friend will sort it out. Warning though, Be prepared for your ex, to possibly get vengeance on you if you do get with her friend. Your ex will most likely approach one of your male friends, and possibly sleep with them. Don't hold a grudge on your mate if he does it, he's a male as well. And the fact is, if you don't want your ex. Then why can't he have her? Don't be a dog and sit on a bale of hay. If you don't eat it, let someone else....and if you still have feelings for your ex, then having them date your friend can be a good thing even if it is painful to see. Take comfort in knowing your friend will look after them (hopefully)

Anyway enough from me....hope I helped. If you have any questions or comments you can email me at tom.daly@live.com.au

good luck man


JayEach 6 years ago

I have been with my girlfriend for 2 years now, she is amazing. I dont know what it is about her but there are certain things about her that bug me, she is one of the "Im always right" girls and whenever she does something wrong to me, she flips it to make me look like the badguy. I do love her and she has told me countless times that she loves me but i dont feel the same spark that was in our relationship before.... for the past couple of weeks, I have been thinking about breaking it off with her but I know she will start crying and unfortunatly, I am a sucker for a crying girl.... I feel like after I break it off (today), I will be fine for the first few weeks considering my friend will be there to comfort me and my mind will be off the subject considering my band is recording in the studio this weekend but once she gets a new boyfriend (whenever that will be) I feel like a may not be able to go on. She has guys lining up at the door just waiting to take my place and I know that the second our relationship status changes, other guys will be all over her. Fortunatly, my friends are really good at keeping me pre-occupied but I know that the day she finds a new boyfriend, I wont be able to take it :(

I know the common answer to my problem is "You have to stay strong" and I know that already. Im just looking for other tips to keep my mind on when she does find another guy....

Any help?


Zach 6 years ago

Okay I'm in a very tough position. I'm a 12 year old boy. I act like I'm 15 cuz I'm mature ect. But I've been dating my girl for 2 months. I've only dated 1ce before. I have alot of girls liking me but recently this 1 girl I have had a crush on for 3 years(before I found my current girlfriend) told me she fell in love with me at first sight. And I did too. But she told me that and I was completly shocked. Sha asked me out too. But I said no cuz I'm dating already. I think I'm falling in love with her. But I really like my gf too. They r both very loving caring kind and HOTT!! But this other girl is hotter. This is all so confusing to me cuz i don't feel right liking some1 else while I'm dating. Idk what to do. I'm so confused and in a super hard spot. Can any1 PLEASE help me?!?!?


gannon 6 years ago

i think this stuff might work.but i also dont feel right looking at this stuff to breakup with my girlfriend.it just doesnt seem right.i thought of just singing a song that basiclly tells her that i dont want her anymore.??please someone tell me if thats good.


Zach 6 years ago

I'm adding on to my erlier post. My gf is also lying to me and most days we will only text eachother 2 messages a day, cuz she's always "busy" and aparently it takes her 6 days to charge her phone. It should not take that long. Idk what to do.


gimme all your ducks 6 years ago

ive been thinking about breaking up with my girlfriend for a while. we've been together 7 months now, and moved in after about a month, because she has a baby(from her last relationship, he was born pretty much when we got together). Ive been the only one working and paying for everything, and I even took on the responsibilities of the baby like I was his dad. she even treated me bad and was mean to me alot, and complained about me being in control of the money, when all our money went to bills or to her kid. recently(after I talked about not being sure about everything and living with her) she apologized for everything, and I believe that shes sorry, but after that and everything happened my heart just made its decision, but I still love her, and any time I try to talk about it shell go from angry to sad and cry or threaten to hurt herself, or once she did cut herself, but its hard for me to do that to her, but I know it has to be done.


gimme all your ducks 6 years ago

and for everyone out there whose in the situations you're in, I know I may sound dumb for trying to answer yours when I cant even fix mine, but I have the knowledge(at least I believe ;) ). Odds are, if you've made it to that point where you're that unsure of everything, and something good is there where you want to be, then go for it. you're only hurting both of you by fighting something that will make you more miserable as time goes by. when you love(or think you love) you tend to not always see everything clearly, you get distracted. and if you take that chance and go through with it, itll be hard at first, for sure. but if you limit your contact with them, and make an attempt at doing what you want to do, being you again, you'll have it better in no time, and you'll realize you were a fool to not do it sooner. and when its over you soon wont know what you were thinking, because love/lust is blinding. it makes you think its what you have to have and try to hold you in, but you have to look past the veil, and see the truth. you can stay strong, and dont think just because you have feelings for someone that its always love, and that no matter what there is going to be someone better for you, that you wont need to question, that you will know its true, so go for it.


Eric 6 years ago

I'm reposting this because I did not really get responses. Thanks, please respond.

PLEASE HELP

I am 24 and I am having and problem and do not know what to do about this. I have gone to grad school that is a distance away from my girlfriend of 5 years. We were always a pretty good couple, and she is a lot of what I look for in a girl, but of course there are always problems. We tend to fight a lot, and it seems to have gotten worse recently especially since I have moved away. She is deathly in love with me, and I love her too, but I'm not sure as much as she does. My problem is that we are the each other's first long relationship and we also lost our v cards to each other. We also have a lot of common friends where I am from at home. I know it would be really really hard to break up with her and I know that she would completely hate me if I did so.

First off, I don't ever want her to hate me, and I don't want to make it shitty between us and our friends.

Second, I am not even sure if I want to break up with her or not yet. I have interests in other girls, but I can't help but always compare them to her. Like they may not be as good looking or what I am looking for. Basically, more of what I am asking is what people's advice is on breaking up with her. On one hand I kind of want to see what else is out there before I settle down because I never want to look back and regret it. On the other hand, I know I am a very jealous person, and if we break up and I hear about her and other guys, I know I'll be real pissed/upset. I don't know how that would sit with me if we ever did get back together. Unfortunately I don't have experience with breaking up with girls because I have been with her for 5 years, so I am not sure if it's worth it or not.

Really I am looking to leave that option open to getting back together, but I feel like she would never give me the chance again, and she would probably go crazy with having sex with a lot of other guys if I break up with her. I know that from a short period that we did break up for a few years ago. PLEASE HELP!


joeccc 6 years ago

man i am going through the same things. Its so hard for me because i do love my girlfriend, but i feel like she is just more of a friend. I do not enjoy having sex as much as i use to, and i find myself fantasying about other girls a lot more. I do not want to hurt my girlfriend at all because i care about her more than anything, but i cannot stay in a relationship that i am not completely happy with. I have developed a great relationship with her and her family in the year and a half, and i can't make myself end it. Any suggestions??? Am i a horrible person?? because thats what i feel like.


Person 6 years ago

Dude I know how u feel exactly. I love my gf too. I've been working on it for a while now. ( btw I'm 12:P) I recently have found I like other girls too. I even had a post on Here. But I figured everything out. U have spent 5 years on ur relationship. U put in alot of time and effort. If u break up with her then u will have to restart all over again. And maybe ur luck won't be so good. When ur dating and u like other people too it's something you really have to work to overcome. I tried. And eventually I stopped txtin the people I like.. Not completey but not as much cuz that when I found an attraction. Give ur relationship a lil longer. And if it doesn't turn out good or go well. Then i'm sorry but u should break up. It's tough. I know from experience.. Jope this helps a lil. Sorry i'm so young. Maybe u were looking for some1 older than me. But hope it helps. Good luck.


Cisse 6 years ago

hi, I am Cisse. This is something which anyone is not supposed to do. I have just realised what I have done and this is my humble request to all who read this. Please read this carefully and pl don do this in your life.

I started my career in Aug 2007. I met a gal in the same organisation and fell in love with her. then we were very close with each other. there were times when i've felt she is the perfect one for me. she used to tell what's running in my mind every second. and i was not able to leave her in a period. i was crazily in love wit her. i have maximum kissed my gal in these days.

then a year later there was a gal who joined our office. then as days passed, the new gal started flirting with me.as days passed i became close to her. as she was speaking with her, she brainwashed me that my first love will not work out. then i told my first love that our relationship will not work out. i abruptly cut the relationship with her. i never use to respond to her properly and avoided her to the core. Note: my first love was very soft hearted. my behaviour made her sick and weak. In the meantime i was happily roaming with the new gal. I spent more time with the new gal and i went to situation where i had a physical relationship with her. All this the my first love dint know it.

After few days my first love quit the organisation, in her last day of the organisation i started to miss her like hell. I realised that i can never even see her face in this organisation anymore. i started crying how i am crying now writing this. then i couldn control my feelings for my first love. I went back to my old love leaving the new one.

I started taking care of old love like a baby. One day that new gal sent a msg to my mobile saying that i miss you or some thing. this was seen by my old love and i was caught balck and white. Then she called the other gal and got to know all things including the physical relationship. i was literally screwed at that moment.

Then a long discussion went. after that i decided i dont need anyone. after some time my first love called to my friends mobile and told " I Love you". I told even after me doing so much things to you, how can you be like this. the reply she gave me killed me and killing me till this second. She told "Yo dint love me truly, but i love you from my heart. Love for someone will not disappear. "

Since she is soft hearted and great, she is a god for me. Now she is crazily in love with me. Now i am sure that we will not get married, cuz she is elder than me and we are from different religions. both the families will not accept. And the major thing is that i am not settled yet. I want her to have a happy life and dont want her to spoil her life being with this "BASTARD".

I know this is wat you all will be thinking about me. Can anyone pl help how to give her, her life????????? Pl help.

If she reads this, I am Sorry..... I don know what to do, I am very sorry. Pl leave me.


Austin 6 years ago

I've recently been feeling a... drifting... feeling with my girlfriend... We first thought that we would be together forever, "High School Sweethearts" or whatever, but I just don't feel connected to her like I used to... We're both 14 and this is in my opinion a hard age to break up with, especially with how close we've gotten. But I just don't feel it anymore. She's in denial that we're drifting but I know we are and I'm sure that she really does know we are too... Thank you for this advice, and I'll try to be polite as possible, but not a "baby-cake" about it... I hope I'm making a good choice.


Mike's confused 5 years ago

Me and my girlfriend have been going out since March 2008, so about 18 months. I am 18, she is soon to be 18, and have recently moved to university. The distance to travel isn't too bad, but still expensive, trying not too sound too harsh but I don't really have to money to see her every weekend. But anyway, she has always claimed she isn't one for marriage and/or kids... I know we're only 18, but man what a mood killer to the relationship. Because of this I never expected her to want to continue the relationship through Uni, but she seems more than willing. Where as I am sceptical about the future, and was not too thrilled to continue.

She is doing veterinary Medicine, so she will most likely be as busy as a med student, which I can imgine is very! I am really not happy with the relationship as I will see her probably once or twice in 2 months. The predicament I'm in is that obviously I can't break up over the phone, then also Its her birthday on the 11th of October and I am going to see her the weekend after her birthday, as the 11th is a monday so I can't leave Uni. The reason I'm going up the weekend after was because she is turning 18, so we would be able to go out drinking. I have a present and everything, I just didn't expect to get to uni and find I was already having doubts!

My problems are that I won't see her often, my interest in the relationship is very low, I don't know when or how to break up with her and on top of everything her birthday is very soon.

Also is it shallow to want to be single to enjoy the clubbing scene (Pull girls, maybe get a few numbers) and the expense of breaking up the relationship?

So please help anyone, any suggestions or comments would be amazing!


Ben 5 years ago

Hi all, I've been with my gf 5 months, known her a year. When i first met her she had a boyfriend but she left him for me. The relationship started well but has taken a bad turn. She's always been a quiet person whereas i'm quite forward with my emotions. However the one thing i let slide was that i found it easy to convey my affection and tell her i loved her. She never told me back until about 3 weeks ago when i finally got upset and told her i couldn't be with someone who didnt love me back. Needless to say, she admitted she loved me and we stayed together. Since then, i've been getting angry or upset every week for one reason or another. I think bottling up my emotion has done some serious damage and that i'll never get over that. Mostly it feels like she doesn't place me as a serious part of her life and doesn't care about my emotions.

Given the effort i put into the relationship, i'm unsure if i should stay with her or leave her. Your help will be appreciated (donut_mmm@yahoo.co.uk)


HeyBen 5 years ago

You really need to give us more info, for us to help you..


ff12 5 years ago

i have been going out with my girlfriend for about 4 months now and i used to be crazy about this girl. she left for college while im back at home going to the community college nearby. i don't see her for a month or 2 at a clip, and i just don't have the same feelings i did before. our families are both friends and im not sure if that will mess things up but idk what to do. ive started seeing this other girl for a little bit now, but i really like this girl we just clicked but i haven't cheated yet. i cant do that to her, i just don't know how to finally break it off. Any Help? please anything will be helpful


xX Doubt Xx 5 years ago

Hey umm, i need help. Im only 16 but i've been going out with this girl for over a year now and i love her but i dont love her as much as i did a few months ago. Recently we've been fighting and arguing over very simple things. She claims i am making excuses to not see her and stuff and its really getting to me. I know its gonna be painful i tell myself im gonna do it but i just...dont. No idea why but i cant seem to bring myself to break it off. the post above is a good one and will definatly keep it in mind but i would REALLY appreciate some help right now. I am unsure whether to stay or go. I want to stay cos i still have feelings for her but i dont want to go because she makes me feel like shit over very simple things which is unneeded. My email is below to send your answer. Thanks for any help you provide

Email: novus2345@hotmail.com


james 5 years ago

My relationship with my current girlfriend started with a lie.i cheated on her at the beginning and she found out.In order to maintain my reputation as a good hearted guy and not a dick head i did everything i could to lighten the blow of me cheating includeing lieing about several details to make it seem more innocent than it actually was.Needless to say she bought it and now we have been together for almost 3 years. During that time i fell in love and out of love with her. I have developed several strong relationships with her family. I feel tied to both her and her family. They are sold that we are going to get married and my girlfriend has no idea about how i truely feel about her on a emotional level. I struggle with the thoughts of breaking up with her. I understand that i would be throwing away people who have become a second family and destroying my girlfriends heart. I am a selfish coward and dont know what i wanna do. My girlfriend deserves someone better than me and i know it. any constructive critisism or advice? myersjames19@yahoo.com


Dan jones  5 years ago

I love my gf more than anything on the planet but she lives so far away (300miles and yes I'm 15) I don't know what 2 do. She's my 1st kiss and all that I don't know what 2 do it's like I havant lived yet I won't to meet new people and that but I love her so much I tried leaving her bit I couldn't it was to hard and I can't live with out here what do I do??? Need a bit of help


Dan jones  5 years ago

O ye email nemesis4400@hotmail.co.uk


LesMiserables 5 years ago

I met my gf 4 years ago. I was initially attracted to her because, quite frankly, she seemed to be the opposite of my ex. She seemed strong, independent, rational, emotionally stable, and mature. She also did not seem interested in marriage or children. Come to find out she's really just emotionally closed off and somewhat depressed somewhat not unlike myself. This was convenient at first as it prevented us from having to have major emotional conflicts as we both tended to avoid them. But now I worry that we really have little in common and don't really connect/communicate with one another on a very deep level. I'm well aware that this is my problem as much as it is hers. I wonder if I moved on to another partner if I would even be capable of the intimacy I feel I am currently deprived of. Of course the most difficult part of all is that she has changed her mind about marriage and kids. She is 10 years older than me and her biological clock is ticking. I feel betrayed almost by this reversal of stance. What adds to the anxiety is that sometimes she says she's still not sure if she wants kids, even though on several occasions she has adamantly assured me she does. Now I can barely enjoy her company. She makes me uncomfortable and every little thing she does makes my skin crawl. All her little habits and 'isms' are driving me up the wall. I think about breaking up with her almost constantly, but I can't bear to hurt her or myself by breaking it off. I am second guessing myself. I'm worried I'm making the wrong decision. Maybe this relationship is the best I can do. I don't know. I worry that I am just being dramatic and that I just need to try and fix things, but how? And after 4 years, can this really be salvaged? I guess I just need to man up and take the plunge.


fucked up situation.... 5 years ago

i am with her for abaout a year and we have been through so much 2gether and i love her sooooo much....but i miss all this flerting and playing with girls and stuff ...but its not her falt ..:S:S:S what do i do????


bubba024 5 years ago

Hello this is a great page. It makes feel better knowing I'm not the only one in this situation. Here's my deal I've been with my girlfriend for two years now. And to make a long story short I care about her greatly but I do not have the feeling for her I wish I did. I have tried forcing it and telling myself it will work out in the end. But at the end of the day I'm just not happy. Were in the middle of big fight right now and she broke up with me only to reverse her stance an hour later. I really really really don't want to hurt her. But I am 28 yrs old now and feel that I'm getting older and should be with someone I feel is right for me. On top of all that she lives with me and is basically financially dependent on me. Her parents also abused her and she doesn't have much family. She has started college and I don't want to put into a tail spin were shes starts messing up with school because she is so upset with me. What do I do? I don't want to hurt her at all but I feel like I'm doing time in prison. And I don't want to live my life like that. I'm so confused somebody please help!!!


abc 5 years ago

thanks alot for this website, its was the same thing that i was thinking but its nice to know other people have to deal with this stuff 2. ive been going out with this girl for a month but ive lost feelings for her but people have threatened me if i ever broke up with her. im scared and dont want to deal with it because its sad for the both of us. im just gona do it quick and hopefully she'll understand


taxmeless 5 years ago

Well, today after two years it is finally over. The drama, the despair, the emotional and phyical abuse is over. I attempted to end this so called relationship for over a year on 5 separate dates. She attempted suicide, slept on my door step til I buckled, told me I was the love of her life. Believe me...it was all an attempt to manipulate me. She was just out for me to support her needs. Gentlemen, when you realixe someone is not right for you, just end it without any reservation. That is my only advise from my recent experience.


lordspartner 5 years ago

break up isnt really very pleasing , but i can tell you how to make it easier ..... dont refer to her as your gf/bf anymore, let her/him catch you hanging out with another..... he/she will get the message ...... simple.


lordspartner 5 years ago

break up isnt really very pleasing , but i can tell you how to make it easier ..... dont refer to her as your gf/bf anymore, let her/him catch you hanging out with another..... he/she will get the message


David 5 years ago

Breaking up has always been a very hard task for me. At the start me and my girlfriend had a very full and satisfying relationship. But time has gone by and i'm realizing that she is not the girl that makes me happy, and secure. I have waited a long time for her to, and tried my hardest to get her to really open up to me and she just won't. This makes everyday with her so mundane and repetitive. I am in quite a pickle because she is a very sensitive person, and very nice, so there is no way I see I can end it without feeling horrible about it. I'm just not happy in the relationship anymore and I have a really hard time with this sort of thing, but i guess there's no easy way to do it.


Yg 5 years ago

I have been thinking about breaking up with my gf for a little while, we've only been going out for 3 months but we (yes, me included) went too fast. While the ins and outs of the situation don't matter all that much, it is coming up to Xmas and she going to Berlin with her cousin on Friday and I don't want to ruin everything for her. But by the same token, I don't want to stick with it for the sake of it. I'm not sure what I should do. Any help would be appreciated.

P.s. I am leaning towards the break up because, while it will be hard for both of us, I think it's the right thing to do.

G


YG 5 years ago

Just wanted to let you all know that I did it. Thanks to everyone for posting your experiences and troubles. And thanks to the author for the advice. While it didn't make the experience any more pleasant, I believe it helped me to choose the right things to say (and more importantly, highlight the things not to say).

Furthermore, for anyone coming here to find a surefire way to end a relationship easily then you are deluded. Breaking up with someone you care for (in any capacity; past or present) is a truly heart wrenching experience and causes a great deal of psychological turmoil.

Just don't be looking for the easy way out!!!!!


Ian 5 years ago

Heres my story. I met a girl in the first year of my college, she is beautiful and amazing. We were friends at first until she told me she liked me and i too had feelings for her. However its only been about a month and i hardly see her, we never have quality time together. I only see her in college and we only ever talk through text because she doesnt want her parents to find out. Shes never allowed out the house (ever). I am really the out going guy and its putting a real strain on me.

Heres where the real problem is, shes told me three times that she has crushes on these other boys when i'm with her to my face. I was like wtf why are you with me? i didnt know if she was serious or not. So after alot of thinking i decided to break up with her. She starts crying and does self harm (which i didnt know about until after the break up). She begins to tell me she wants me back and starts saying how shes madly in love with me, but i am starting to consider the idea of getting back with her.

I need some advise from someone, do you think i should move on or get back togeher with her?


dnt know wat to do 5 years ago

I've been goin out wit this girl for a while now nd i care about her nd i think i still love her but shes always tellin me she loves me nd i dnt feel like sayin it back idk why but i dnt wanna hurt her bcuz i know she rlly loves me but i fell in love with her friend i havent cheated nd i told my gf that but she gets rlly upset nd idk wat to do, how do i break up wit her nd tell her that i still do care nd love her but i dnt wanna be wit her, someone please help me


dnt know wat to do(same from 45 hrs ago) 5 years ago

someone please help me!! i need an answer soon bcuz i dnt want her to fall in love with me more each day, if that happens it'll be harder to break up with her if thats wat it comes to, i rlly dnt wanna hurt her but i need to know wat to do, i'll be checkin this page almost everyday, please someone help me!


Indianguy 5 years ago

Hi all !!!the reason am in this page is that.. in another couple of hours am gonna say "Good Bye" to this girl wit whom am going around for 2 years . though i never proposed her, she really loves me a lot. I already messaged her that i got engaged. She suddenly came to my office at morning and gave me back all the gift which i gave her previously. And now she wants to meet me.. dono wat will be the reason!!!! i just google and came to this page. OMG am not a cheater.. but i know this girl love me a lot. I told clearly even before i go around that my intension is not to have any relationship with you. I will surely let you know what is the feedback after i meet her now.. all those bad guys ;)(Sorry) pls wait for my reply.....


indianguy 5 years ago

I met her in road side, and took her in my car. I know she is very angry that i can see from her face. She never spoke anything... i juz told that you that it will happen one day. She did not reply anything. i droped nearby to her home. She said bye and went.... dono wat that mean. i know tht av broken a heart... but its not my intension... i av told her several times tht we are not into any relationship and no future. Only god has to forgive me if i did anything...... ok guys good luck wit ur break up.. hope somebody will get help out of my post.


Fishertheman 5 years ago

You need to listen to this advice on here. My ex-girlfriend was one of the worst things I have ever had in my life and looking back. I feel so unbelievably great! It was really hard to do but I finally broke her hold over me. I've been really happy ever since.


Oscar  5 years ago

I am 18 and living with my now ex gf who is 17 we have been dating for 10 monthes i ran away from home and came to live with her her family accepted me and ive been living ther ever sense i have broken up and gotten back with her dozens of times sometimes i feel strong enough to leave her and some days i feel like i cant live without her and it would piss me off to see her with another guy.She wasnt my first and i wasnt hers but everytime weve broken up she acts like she doesnt care and as i am about to leave breaks and begs for me back shes not the person who i fell in love with shes become a STUPID ANNOYING STUBBORN girl who i keep trying to change into my dream girl i called her to break up because i am in mexico and didnt want the relationship to continue and reading all of the above finally gave me strenth but i leave back to her house this Saturday and i will continue living with her why ? because i cant transffer schools again what should i do i am weak and if she begged me back and promised change i may crack even to know it wouldnt be the first time shes done it please help. oh and also iva always had a HUGE problem with the past i cant get over it and ill keep on bringing it up i am on anti depressants but i question her about the past all the time and i hate it and i cant live with it she still loves me and i her but this cant go on


buddybro 5 years ago

so my gf and me have been fighting alot lately. shes beautiful and could have any dude she wants but she lost both of her parents and is really insecure. we both get jealous real fast and i flip shit alot too. we havent seen eachother all winter break becase i got her pregnet and she got an abortion without telling me. when we got back to school she blew me off and was walking with some other dude thats been trying to get with her for a long time. she always says she wouldnt do anything with him but when we where fighting she said she had feelings for him. she doesnt trust me anymore and it really bothers me. i dont want to break her heart by telling her i dont love her anymore because the last time i tried to she started balling. suiside doesnt sound too bad but everytime i try some one walks in. i feel like joinin the army and being stupid and getting shot or something. but that will take 6 more months. any one that has good advice please feel free to leave it or email me at bongstoner420@hotmail.com


buddybro 5 years ago

so my gf and me have been fighting alot lately. shes beautiful and could have any dude she wants but she lost both of her parents and is really insecure. we both get jealous real fast and i flip shit alot too. we havent seen eachother all winter break becase i got her pregnet and she got an abortion without telling me. when we got back to school she blew me off and was walking with some other dude thats been trying to get with her for a long time. she always says she wouldnt do anything with him but when we where fighting she said she had feelings for him. she doesnt trust me anymore and it really bothers me. i dont want to break her heart by telling her i dont love her anymore because the last time i tried to she started balling. suiside doesnt sound too bad but everytime i try some one walks in. i feel like joinin the army and being stupid and getting shot or something. but that will take 6 more months. any one that has good advice please feel free to leave it or email me at bongstoner420@hotmail.com


Bob 5 years ago

I'm going out with a girl who is head over heels for me, and is always stating how happy she is and how she loves me (Even though we've only been together for 5 months). Now I've lost my feelings for her and think she has become too clingy, I feel that if I break up with her it will take alot for her to get over it. She's already having a hard time lately, how can I end it without her being too hurt?


BRO 5 years ago

it is very difficult to end a relationship that took so much time to build, taking into consideration the trust and the so many things shared together. I have my girl friend which i love so much, she does love me as well, the chances of us getting married is too slim due to some familly ties and responsibilities on my part. She does know as well that the chances of us getting married in future are very slim. each time i think of telling her that we should end the relationship, i feel as if i am about to break her heart, i do no want to break her heart of course. I realy want break off let her look for her future because she is a girl, u know girls get older quikly. am confuse, pls what do i do. my e mail is pansehjames@yahoo.com I will be very greatful receiving suggestions from you

thanks


Paolo 5 years ago

Hi, uhmm.... I've been with my girlfriend for five months, I loved her so much, but recently, when I invited my cousin on my birthday she asked me if she could bring a friend, since I'll be knowing her friend anyway then I let her bring her friend, then before that, my cousin showed me her friend's picture, and she warned me that I might fall in love with her friend, but confidently I said that "that's never gonna happen", anyways, her friend went to my birthday, at first I found her annoying, but I expected that I could feel infatuation, then guests arrived including my girlfriend, I haven't spent that much time on my girlfriend because there were a lot of guests, then party passed, guests left the party, but my relatives are the only ones who were left in the house, of course my cousin's friend also, but her friend can't leave without her,so she stayed also.., with just relatives left, I gained confidence to sing karaoke, then my cousin's friend joined me in singing, afterwards, they all left.. the day after that, my girlfriend texted me and greeted me good morning, usually when she does that I feel happy already, but on that morning, I felt that something is missing, then one week after (which was yesterday), our school had a fieldtrip, we went on a certain amusement park, my cousin told me that she'll be there along with her friend, suddenly I felt really excited, that's when I figured out that her absence made me feel that something was missing, then there we are in the amusement park, as we entered the amusement park, I felt really happy when I saw my cousin's friend, she greeted me with a happy and loud "Hi!", then she gave me her picture with a message written on the back, I felt that she feels the same about me, but I'm not quite sure, the message made me fell in-love with her, on that day I didn't greet my girlfriend because I forgot due of being excited to go, I have a girlfriend but I feel in-love on someone else, what should I do?


Paolo 5 years ago

Hi, uhmm.... I've been with my girlfriend for five months, I loved her so much, but recently, when I invited my cousin on my birthday she asked me if she could bring a friend, since I'll be knowing her friend anyway then I let her bring her friend, then before that, my cousin showed me her friend's picture, and she warned me that I might fall in love with her friend, but confidently I said that "that's never gonna happen", anyways, her friend went to my birthday, at first I found her annoying, but I expected that I could feel infatuation, then guests arrived including my girlfriend, I haven't spent that much time on my girlfriend because there were a lot of guests, then party passed, guests left the party, but my relatives are the only ones who were left in the house, of course my cousin's friend also, but her friend can't leave without her,so she stayed also.., with just relatives left, I gained confidence to sing karaoke, then my cousin's friend joined me in singing, afterwards, they all left.. the day after that, my girlfriend texted me and greeted me good morning, usually when she does that I feel happy already, but on that morning, I felt that something is missing, then one week after (which was yesterday), our school had a fieldtrip, we went on a certain amusement park, my cousin told me that she'll be there along with her friend, suddenly I felt really excited, that's when I figured out that her absence made me feel that something was missing, then there we are in the amusement park, as we entered the amusement park, I felt really happy when I saw my cousin's friend, she greeted me with a happy and loud "Hi!", then she gave me her picture with a message written on the back, I felt that she feels the same about me, but I'm not quite sure, the message made me fell in-love with her, on that day I didn't greet my girlfriend because I forgot due of being excited to go, I have a girlfriend but I feel in-love on someone else, what should I do?


justsomeguy 5 years ago

I broke up by sending a trained tiger to me ex-girlfriend.


someone 5 years ago

k so im in 6th grade and i know thats rediculus i just broke up with someone for there best friend. its only been one week and i want my ex back. i red this entire page and i still dont know what 2 do


Lost and hurt 5 years ago

I don't want to break up with my girlfriend, but she has a tattoo in the middle of her back of her last boyfriend who passed away. I can't live with the fact that even if we get married that it will always be there. It hurts me and I cry every time I see it. She says she won't get it removed and I'm lost on what to do. I love her, but also hurting at the same time. Any advice is welcomed.


malnegz 5 years ago

heloo


Confuzzled. 5 years ago

Hey there, I've been with my girlfriend for almost a year and a half, her 16th birthday is coming up, and our relationship has pretty much been in a downhill spiral since last summer.. She's obsessively clingy and gets jealous so easy... I don't have many friends at the school I'm currently at, and she cuts me off from most of my old friends. I just feel lately, like I can never ever make her happy.. And she's always upset with me etc. What should I do? I literally feel scared to confront her, she has such an aggressive personality, yet gets hurts super easily.. I know if I tried to break up with her, she'd go through every phase in the article, and then talk trash, and act depressed.. I just feel so bad. A friend told me 'just jeep your pimp hand strong'. I feel like she never gives me space or personal freedom.. HELP please!


Dazzled 5 years ago

Hello, i'm 16 and i have been dating my girlfriend for only a week, we have been good friends for a really long time. At lunch we have a big circle of friends. Lately i met another girl who i developped unexpecting feelings for and i really like. she goes to another school and she is beautiful, and also satisfies my parents restrictions. Overall i plan on breaking up with the original girl but i'm sure how to do it. i want to be as nice as possible, but do i tell her about the other girl and if so how? Another problem is if i break up with her how would i make my big circle of friends at lunch like me again, because believe, they will hate me after i break her heart.

Help appreciated :)


Jack 5 years ago

I've been with my girlfriend now for nearly two and a half years now. I'm going off to uni this summer and had originally planned on staying with her to see how it would go just because I thought I owed her that much. But recently my best mate broke up with his misses, she's at uni and they barely saw one another until they just split. He was devastated and I don't want to go through the same thing. So should I prolong this relationship, or finish it now to prevent more hurt later on? any advice would be very much appreciated.


Altair 5 years ago

Hey worst time I am in the same position as you.

Plus i am falling for a girl I met at the rink (I am a male figure skater)

Basically our relationship is now ALL fighting and im so tired of it. So i think im going to suck it up and end it because i am really unhappy. And what the hell, im in highschool i should be having fun and doing things i want to do. Plus the girl ive fallen for is the most beautiful girl ive ever seen. She seems a bit prude, but i dont mind. I just want to get to know her and all (Im not the type of guy that just loves sex and what not. I am more of a sensitive straight guy hahah)


Selena 5 years ago

Being honest and sincere is the best approach to take when it comes to breaking up with your girlfriend. A woman will take the news hard, but she will have more respect for her ex boyfriend's decision.


Non nom nom 5 years ago

Iv been with my girlfriend for 21 months now . We are 17 years old . And have not been happy in our relationship for over 2 months now . Iv kept a smile on though . She also keeps acusing me of liking this other girl . She will be unbelievably upset if I tell her that I want a break up . It will come to a shock to her and our friends . I live in a very close community . I am sure I do not want a girlfriend anymore , and I do not want to seem like too much of a dick .

Any suggestions girls ? Or boys that have been in this situation before ? Thankyou .


bigpythons1226 5 years ago

My girlfriend of 15 months, whom I really love and care about, is addicted to crack cocaine, and an alcoholic. I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I didn't discover this for 11 months. When I did, I offered to get her help vice a breakup. She surrendered and went to an Intensive Outpatient program, because the geniuses at social services counted my income in with hers and refused to give her real help because she has no insurance. Anyway, she was drug clean for about 5 months (relapsed on alcohol several times), and just recently she relapsed on crack. I got her to go to the hospital and detox, but I discovered that she refuses to let go of her past acquaintances, drinking buddies, fellow addicts. I'm tired of the lies and deceit, but I really love and care about her. The main problem is that she lives with me in my house and it will be very difficult to have her move out because she has no money and nowhere to go. What should I do? I'm so confused.....


Mxrider 5 years ago

Hi iv been with me girl friend for 2 years. I live with her at he parents house. She is VERY controlling. I havnt spend a night in a different bed then her for over a year cause she makes me feel bad about wanting to go away with my friends or family. Iv tryed to break up with her befor but she says it's going to change and get better but it never happens. We are about to put a depoist on a house in 2 weeks. I really don't want to be with her cause of this controlling. I don't no what to do. Can someone help me?


debra_farrrow@hotmail.com 5 years ago

Simple really: Either bad sex or no sex at all, that way 'she' leaves you. No phone calls, driving aroung yer block, no contact......works. Trust me


Boyfriend 5 years ago

I'm 16 and like everyone else, sentenced to high school. School life is stressing enough as it is now that I'm working on my Higher grades. I have a girlfriend, soon to become 16 as well. Thing is, after I've had a bad day, or I'm feeling pretty stressed, I just love hearing the sound of her voice, it really smooths out the edges. It's been about 2 months we've been a couple, and things have reached an all out low. We hardly ever speak on the phone anymore, I *NEVER* see her outside of school, she is always so "busy," yet she spends hours on Facebook daily. I see her a grand total of two hours a week. Not to mention the physical affection, which means so much to me, has died substantially. When we were going out the first two weeks, things were just amazing, I was in heaven. Kissing, hugging, holding hands, cuddling, nuzzling, you name it. Now? ...

I don't know what has happened to the amazing girl I met 2-1/2 months ago. My girlfriend blows hot and cold, she continually pulls away for even hugs, which isn't exactly lavished all over her. She even swears in my face. And don't get me started on the kissing problems... For the past month and a half, my lips have not touched hers. Why? Because she has a cold and has had ever since.

You see, I feel as if she expects me to be her boyfriend without her having to do anything for it. I give too much (which is next to nothing) and don't get anything in return. I was speaking to her on the phone yesterday morning, where she actually asked me out somewhere. I told her I couldn't make 12am, but I could make 1pm. She started getting really volatile and was like "fine! I'll just have to ask out Jadine then!" I had enough of that shit, told her to do whatever, and went on Facebook. I spoke to her on there instead for a while. I told her I wasn't impressed, and that I'm not going to be picked up and dropped like toy. She denied doing such, to which I replied to her that I was having a problem with things.

She started getting even more volatile when I said that I wanted to work things out. She said she had given up. It just got to the point where I just asked her straight out, "Do you want to break up with me?" She said she didn't want to break up and she wouldn't rather be friends, almost to my disappointment...

Things have just gone so far now, that I don't think they can be repaired, especially with the amount of effort she's putting in... This really hurts because I love her more than you could imagine, but I'm tired of being stuck in this position. Should I try and work things out and dig myself deeper into getting attached, or should I break away and regain respect from her and for myself?

I really do and don't want to be with her... I'd only want to carry on if she put more effort into things.

Thanks for letting me vent all that frustration, if you have any advice you'd like to give it would be more than appreciated. Good luck in your future pursuits!

P.S - This is an important note to other guys out there feeling taken for granted: I feel more and more everyday that, "She is more in love with the idea of having a boyfriend rather than having ME for a boyfriend." Consider this carefully.


gearwan 5 years ago

I'm married and not happy .we fight and we leave then we would come back .I met this person I ve been seeing for a while and we thought we were in love I cheated on my wife.and now I'm not happy with the other person actually I'm not happy with any of them but few things makes the divorce a hard decision financial issues as a matter of fact ..I also cheated on my other gf with another person..I'm stillmarried Technicaly and I don't know wat to do with other one


RangerTexas profile image

RangerTexas 5 years ago

im currently in Long Distance relationship about close to two years. We talked mostly every night thru messenger, but in recent she has being more distant, less interested in our relationship, i know she has alot of work, but i do have an active life, though im always thinking of her and waiting every single night to talk to her, for at least an hour.

I visit her in her country and family, which i love better much, was the best time in our relationship, i was making an affort to visit more often but she was always busy for me to visit. I was a real detail BF, i send her a couple of times, flowers i bought through the internet, mail to her house, told her everytime that i love her, support her at any cost emotionally and financially. I most of the time make the calls, text messages and communication, I had told her that was killing me the lack of interest she puts on her part. Im feel that I put 80% of interest and love into our relationship, I was even becoming a clingy person, becuase it was driving crazy, but Im exhausted and I think i want out, I need more time to thing but I think i made my mind that I need to move, I do love her alot but I can work like this.


anonymous 5 years ago

Me I was wondering if you read this sometime you or someone can write and help? I am having some relatioship problems that maybe you can give me some advice.


Theory001 5 years ago

Wel i quit affirm partially wit d author of dis article,i was wandering if u can sudden lose d emotions u had 4 your girl frend and cling 2 anoda, wat guarantee,do u hav dat d same situation isn't gonna occur wit d new gurl u ar dating.


Andrew.h.a 5 years ago

i have been with this girl for 2 yrs 3 months and i ve been spending all my time with this girl we re in the same college and we spend all of our breaks together. i know it was the wrong thing to do but i have abbandoned all of my friends and now i want to break up with this girl. i am sure she is still in love with me and i already tried to break up with her but she spent two whole days crying and finally came to me at home and i had to talk to her. i really dont want to hurt her feelings but she is immature and cannot let me go. don t get me wrong i respect her and dont want to hurt her. another thing is that i have lost all of my friends..dont tell me this is a jelaous thought but what should i do?? i dont want to be that stupid guy that goes out alone. if i wanted to i could date many girls but i dont want to have this situation all over again...i just want to spend sometime single were i can just enjoy my self..plz i really need help cause i have been thinking about this for a very long time and i dont want to hurt this girl and i dont want to end up alone


JRR 5 years ago

Good Article, I'm feeling the same way. Its been 5 years i've been with this girl, she was my first and only girlfriend. I still have feelings for her, but when you dont feel them reciprocated, thats what's hard. There aren't any insecurities, and she would gladly continue the relationship, its just that you wonder if you should feel guilty wanting to be happier. I think she doesnt realize that she's so busy in university, and that she doesnt realize that the romance isnt quite there. Allowing yourself the breakup is hard.


Cj 5 years ago

Hi I am really stuck in a relationship that I don't want to be in I have bin with her for 6 years and yea thing wasn't all bad but I don't love her anymore but I know if I break up with her she will stop me seeing my kids an they meen the world to me and yea I still care for her and I always will after all I have bin with her for 6 years and have 3 kids to her but is it really worth staying with her wen I am unhappy please help me :/ thanks


becauseilive profile image

becauseilive 5 years ago from N.J. Author

@Cj - It's never worth staying if you're unhappy. I can understand wanting to stay together for the kids' sake, but if you're in an unhappy situation and there's no hope of fixing it, then your children are going to grow up watching their parents be miserable. That's not an example you want to set. I don't know your situation in detail, but legally she cannot stop you from seeing your kids, and there are steps you can take through the court to ensure that your rights are protected.


Jamisicus6 5 years ago

H guys. I know this has probably been asked a lot, but here goes.

I'm in a semi-long term relationship (3 years), but in that time I feel that I've tried so hard to make her happy, but I've had nothing back. Whenever she asks me to do something for her I do it, no questions asked. But if I ask her to do something for me she will try to avoid doing it. For example, when I first tried to bring her round to my house to meet my parents she sat in her kitchen for nearly an hour "making up her mind". I know that some people would just say "oh she's nervous" but its more than that, I know it. She never acknowledges any of my affectionate gestures. I don't know what she wants to get from the relationship, but its not what I want.

Any way, a few weeks ago I met a girl. She is absolutely perfect. She's smart, funny, compassionate, everything I want in a girl. But, even after everything I said before, I still love my girlfriend enough to not want to hurt her by cheating on her. How can I possibly let her down gently and then go out with this other girl? Should I wait? Should I dump my current girlfriend and then date the new girl in secret for a while? I just don't know.


looper 5 years ago

iv been with my girlfriend for a year and a half, but im not happy anymore. She loves me too death, and thinks nothing is wrong. She has had a very hard life growing up, im all she has, if i leave she will be crushed beyond belief. i want to be able to spend time with my firends, meet different women, and see what i really like. I also fear regreting the fact of breaking up with her if i do. What should i do?


That Guy 5 years ago

F*** F*** F***. 15 years here and in the last few I find myself in the same boat as you 5 year vets. I love her and want her to be happy, but feel this will damn near kill her. So many, 'it will get better' moments over the years where I could/should have broken this earlier. More for her than me. I can't bear to cause her the pain that this will create... but the only alternative is to just live the rest of my life only sorta happy. Maybe sorta happy is OK enough? Maybe it will just get worse? I really don't know. F*** F*** F***!


crazedlife 5 years ago

After reading all the comments i feel as if i am in a completely different boat. I have been in an on and off again relationship for over four years. He keeps breaking up with me out of the blue most of the time and his reasons are off the wall ridiculous. I always end up going after him because I do love him, and i still have feelings for him, and any other reason you can think of. When we are off, it is usually for a couple of months and it is a complete abandonment. He wont talk to me, im blocked from computers ect. Although, my best friend talks to him online and they discuss our relationship a lot. He is my first serious relationship and my first physical relationship. I have not had sex with him because he always is breaking up with me over kiddy stuff and lies to me a lot.I also feel like sex is what is making us break up so much...i mean its been 4 years...idk i want to be with him but im torn between two halves...Is he manipulating me and emotionally abusing me? Or does he love and care about me as much as he claims to and i just need to make a few changes and go after him? I feel as if he is my soulmate and i could love him forever and get married and have his babbies...but a part of me believes he lied about loving and caring about me..cuz if he did why would he break up with me so many times for stupid reasons...just so i chase him?

Can anyone PLEASE tell me what they think he is trying to do to me..we have been broken up for over 5 months and i still cry for him...because i feel like a part of us is true and truly we could work it out..


down and clueless 5 years ago

Ok so I hate asking for advice but I honestly don't know what to do...

A little over 2 years ago is when I met my girlfriend, when she met me I was nothing more then a drug user. She has helped me get over drugs but she has also cost me soooo much. I have given up jobs, friends and dreams to make her happy. Recently I brought my girlfriend to a party for one of my friends. At this party was a very close ex of mine, this ex was my first love and I still have a lot of feelings for her. (My curent girlfriend did not know she was there and has no clue who she is)

My girlfriend decided it would be a good idea to start an fight with me in front of my friends, most of which she has never met before, trying to make me look bad. Needles to say we argue for about an hour. After the fight I take her home and secretly return to the party. My friends tell me that what she was saying to me was uncalled for and that I should leave her. Then my ex calls me aside to say she heard the whole conversation and that I don't deserve that. She then let's me know that she still has feelings for me.

I am stuck in this situation and don't know what to do. I have given up the best job I have ever had to move closer to her, I have spent a coutless amout of money to buy her stuff just to put a smile on her face. I have also given up my dream of being a tattoo artist because of her. I actually had second chair at a tattoo shop and I gave it up for her.

I really don't know what to do... I mean I hold a special place in my heart for my girlfriend but there is still a place for my ex(first true love)

Yes, I understand that it may not work being with my ex seeing as how it didn't work the first time, but I just feel like I am missing out on something. I am very greatful for the both of these girls. I mean one is my first love and the other has helped me get over my addiction to drugs. Yet one has crushed my heart and the other has made me give up my dream.

Please if there is anyone out there that can give me some advice, I could really use it...


down and clueless 5 years ago

Ok so I hate asking for advice but I honestly don't know what to do...

A little over 2 years ago is when I met my girlfriend, when she met me I was nothing more then a drug user. She has helped me get over drugs but she has also cost me soooo much. I have given up jobs, friends and dreams to make her happy. Recently I brought my girlfriend to a party for one of my friends. At this party was a very close ex of mine, this ex was my first love and I still have a lot of feelings for her. (My curent girlfriend did not know she was there and has no clue who she is)

My girlfriend decided it would be a good idea to start an fight with me in front of my friends, most of which she has never met before, trying to make me look bad. Needles to say we argue for about an hour. After the fight I take her home and secretly return to the party. My friends tell me that what she was saying to me was uncalled for and that I should leave her. Then my ex calls me aside to say she heard the whole conversation and that I don't deserve that. She then let's me know that she still has feelings for me.

I am stuck in this situation and don't know what to do. I have given up the best job I have ever had to move closer to her, I have spent a coutless amout of money to buy her stuff just to put a smile on her face. I have also given up my dream of being a tattoo artist because of her. I actually had second chair at a tattoo shop and I gave it up for her.

I really don't know what to do... I mean I hold a special place in my heart for my girlfriend but there is still a place for my ex(first true love)

Yes, I understand that it may not work being with my ex seeing as how it didn't work the first time, but I just feel like I am missing out on something. I am very greatful for the both of these girls. I mean one is my first love and the other has helped me get over my addiction to drugs. Yet one has crushed my heart and the other has made me give up my dream.

Please if there is anyone out there that can give me some advice, I could really use it...


down and clueless 5 years ago

Ok so I hate asking for advice but I honestly don't know what to do...

A little over 2 years ago is when I met my girlfriend, when she met me I was nothing more then a drug user. She has helped me get over drugs but she has also cost me soooo much. I have given up jobs, friends and dreams to make her happy. Recently I brought my girlfriend to a party for one of my friends. At this party was a very close ex of mine, this ex was my first love and I still have a lot of feelings for her. (My curent girlfriend did not know she was there and has no clue who she is)

My girlfriend decided it would be a good idea to start an fight with me in front of my friends, most of which she has never met before, trying to make me look bad. Needles to say we argue for about an hour. After the fight I take her home and secretly return to the party. My friends tell me that what she was saying to me was uncalled for and that I should leave her. Then my ex calls me aside to say she heard the whole conversation and that I don't deserve that. She then let's me know that she still has feelings for me.

I am stuck in this situation and don't know what to do. I have given up the best job I have ever had to move closer to her, I have spent a coutless amout of money to buy her stuff just to put a smile on her face. I have also given up my dream of being a tattoo artist because of her. I actually had second chair at a tattoo shop and I gave it up for her.

I really don't know what to do... I mean I hold a special place in my heart for my girlfriend but there is still a place for my ex(first true love)

Yes, I understand that it may not work being with my ex seeing as how it didn't work the first time, but I just feel like I am missing out on something. I am very greatful for the both of these girls. I mean one is my first love and the other has helped me get over my addiction to drugs. Yet one has crushed my heart and the other has made me give up my dream.

Please if there is anyone out there that can give me some advice, I could really use it...


Coo1handluke 5 years ago

to be honest mate, if she loves you as much as she says she doees then she will only want to see you happy. but what your saying is a very very big gamble. just think how you will feel when your curent girlfriend doesnt call you to see how your day is going??? or comfort you when your not feeling well. imagine that you walk down your high street and you see your currnt girlfriend with another man??? how will that make you feel? would you want to kill him evn though it it is no fault of his???? if the answer is yes then maybe its not the right thing to do. when i split with mine. at the time i was thinking 'Yep immuch better without her' then a few months had passed and i really missed her, by then i allready had a new girlfriend and all was good but i still missed her. so i ended up hurting my new gf cause i missed my ex. it nearly 2 years for my ex to text me to see how i was. and to be honest everyday for those 2 years i was wanting to speak to her.what im trying to say is. do what makes u happy. but think how you are going to feel later down the line not just the imedate. hope that help and let us know what u decede to do. hope all goes well.

Coo1handluke


Warren 5 years ago

I am glad that I have come across this article. I need to have 'the talk' with my girlfriend within the next few days. It's been a long time coming.

I told her 4 years ago that I was very unhappy in the relationship, and felt it best that we went our separate ways. Despite taking months to build up the courage to talk to her I somehow did a 180 and found myself agreeing to trying again, with a new start in a new home. Therefore we moved. And here we are, 4 years later, and I still feel certain that she is not the one for me.

As many have said, what makes it harder is that she is a good woman. She does love me, and she wants a future with me. She wants to have a baby with me. This makes it difficult doesn't it. In a way I wish that she was a complete bitch! I know she will be very hurt and will cry/plead etc etc. I just have to remain strong and keep that focus.

So the talk WILL occur this week. I can no longer lie to her as I have been. I simply do not love her in a romantic way. I wish all the very best for her and I sincerely hope that her life is filled with great joy, and that she gets what she wants from life.

What I would say (if you are living with your partner) is to get things organized. I have secretly boxed up a lot of my possessions, and I am in the process of finding a small 1 bedroom flat. I also have to arrange for housing benefit and income based job seekers allowance I have recently been made redundant). So at least I will have a place to go should the atmosphere turns nasty.

Wish me luck

Warren.


Emilian 5 years ago

Good luck man..


Erik 5 years ago

I wish everyone good luck with there situations, and here's mine.

I've been dating this girl for a little over an year and a half. I love her, in fact last July (2010) I was standing up in a buddy's wedding and on the dance floor finally said those three magic words. Until a few months ago things were great. Admittedly I commute to college (the same college she attends) and would spend a few hours a week with her. The entire time we've been dating her complaint has been for us to move in together. I refuse to move in with a significant other until after both parties of the relationship are established with steady jobs. But she will not let this issue drop- and has even said that I should quit my job and move in with her.

The other issues revolve around her constantly bringing up her ex-boyfriend, as in comparing the two of us. She is becoming "clingy"- which isn't necessarily a problem but in 92F+ weather it's not comfortable (shouldn't be comfortable for either of us). The biggest issue beyond the moving-in is her family. Since I first met them when we started dating, they've talked about the two of us getting married. I mostly treated it as a joke, but finally told her that enough was enough and that she needs to politely tell her parents to knock it off. ]

We've had other problems, mostly communication issues, but when one party tries to clarify what is being said and the other just gets angry, there is little to be done.

We've even taken a camping trip together, which seemed to help us. But as soon as we got back, a week or two later we were right back in the same rut.

Maybe I'm to much of a "wuss" to do this, but I cannot stay in this relationship, which is slowly driving me crazy(ier?) Next thursday, is the next time I'll be able to see her for any substantial time and I must do this face to face (I've had previous relationships ended on IM, text and phone call- which was just rude). I'm just trying to find the strength to look into her blue eyes, as she's crying and walk away. I've exhausted myself mentally, emotionally and physically on this relationship, and have no choice but to end it.

Good luck to everyone else,

and thank you for reading my situation- I hope it helps you figure out your own.

P.S. I want to state plainly that NO I have never, and will never cheat on a significant other, I physically couldn't do that to someone who has put their trust in me.


Warren 5 years ago

''I've exhausted myself mentally, emotionally and physically on this relationship'' - Erik

I completely understand this situation. I have been in recovery from alcohol addiction for 9 years, and during these last 3 years I have relapsed 4 times. Not a pretty sight I can tell you. I can no longer allow this to happen. Drinking is not an option for me and is in fact highly dangerous.


becauseilive profile image

becauseilive 5 years ago from N.J. Author

@Warren - You definitely don't want to have a baby with someone you are CERTAIN is not the right one for you. That would be grossly irresponsible, you'd be doing a disservice not only to yourself and your girlfriend, but to your child, and I'm sure you know that. I hope you find the strength to have the talk with her this week and to stay firm in your decision. If settling down and having children is an important priority in her life, and since she is a good woman, then the best thing you can do for her is leave--that way, even though she may not realize it at the time, she'll have the freedom to find the guy who IS right for her. Good luck!


becauseilive profile image

becauseilive 5 years ago from N.J. Author

@Eric - It sounds like you're getting a lot of pressure, both from your girlfriend and her family members. That's never pleasant. If the relationship isn't going anywhere then there's no sense in wasting any more of each others time. I know it will be hard, but I commend your decision to do it in person instead of over the phone. I definitely wish you luck!


Erik 5 years ago

@warren-

Good luck man, you need to focus on what is best for you, not what she wants. And I wish you luck

@becauseilive thank you for the well wishes, and I'm tired of this situation and I the only option is to part ways. Once again thank you for the well wishes, and thank you for starting this blog(?), message stream(?), thread(?). It has really helped me identify my issues and I've been able to see other people's issues, creating a sense of camaraderie.


Jack 5 years ago

I'm glad I stumbled upon this article, it's came in useful. I had been with my girlfriend for 2 years and I had became very unhappy in our relationship, I followed these steps, told her the truth and we're now broken up.

Unfortently she hasn't taken to it very well and is in the 'calling and texting' stage but I'm staying strong, focused and assertive and sticking my my decision!


Tom 5 years ago

Some good and funny advice on here:

Good luck with your break up if anyone is reading this. seriously its tough...

http://socyberty.com/relationships/how-to-escape-f...


Stuck 5 years ago

I guess by just posting a comment I have heavily leaned towards the breakup, but I still haven't found the heart to do it.

My girlfriend and I have been together for almost two years, mostly in a long distance relationship. So from the very beginning it was very difficult to keep it together because when we started having feelings for each other I left to pursue my career. Up until about six months ago we had never spent a significant time together. Then because of a visa issue, I was at home for three months, and later she spent the 2 months during her summer break with me. I told myself that these five months together would either show me why we had worked so hard to maintain us via a Skype relationship, or that "us in real-life" isn't as great as I imagined.

The thing that makes the decision so hard is that she is a wonderful lady, and I really love her for that. But during our time together I got an opportunity to see what our life would be like in the daily routine. And well, sex which has always been really great for us began to become more and more infrequent. She is a needy woman, perhaps not more than many others, but I felt that still I was making sacrifices that I shouldn't have to, like not going to the beach because she didn't have a way to cool down. And then comes my sense of humor. She doesn't get it. When I make dry quips, she proceed to explain the story to me in a logical manner. And I sit thinking to myself "WTF". A couple weeks ago she left to return back to school, and I honestly felt relief.

To me sex, communication and being able to laugh are super important to a healthy relationship and are the litmus tests whether or not it is going good. I don't know if this is actually a good measure and don't want to be just a jerk looking to be single again. I do know, however, that I am not happy.

After seeing what our life would be like in a normal routine I found that in it, I was unhappy and felt my needs were the ones sacrificed. Can the five months we spent together be an adequate view of a relationship that has been a year and a half apart? Or will time improve it all? This is why I am stuck...

Now that she is back home


selfdefenselesson profile image

selfdefenselesson 5 years ago

A really good hub. I can see a lot of myself in this. Especially the five stages.


Taylor 5 years ago

So my boyfriend just broke up with me like two weeks ago...And I was completely heartbroken, no doubt. We were together for almost two months, and I was the happiest I had ever been. I fell head over heels for him, and I still love him. We just started college, and he said he wanted to take a break from us, to put all of his focus into college. Since he was paying for it with his own money, no financial aid. I'm not gonna lie, I really love him with everything I have. I told him I would wait for him, no matter how long it took for him to be mine again. But...I'm starting to think I don't want to wait. I'm not really sure. Because I'm not sure if his feelings will still be there when school ends...I told him I still loved him, and he says okay, or he tries to change the subject. Even his best friend says he's being stupid, and he doesn't know why he broke up with me. His best friend and I are really close, he comes to me for advice, and I love his best friend. (as a brother.) I don't really know why I am writing this, but I guess I just needed to get it off of my chest I guess. I started talked to this guy named Michael, and he looks exactly like my ex David. Not even kidding. He acts the same way too. It's kind of weird. I like Michael, but I'm thinking it's for all of the wrong reasons. Because he reminds me of David, and I still love David. Which isn't good at all. I don't want to lead Michael on, and I don't want to be heartbroken by David again. I really can't take it...It would be the end of me. So I'm not sure if I'm looking for advice or not....And also, I really don't like his ex-girlfriend, Carla. When him and I first started dating, she would always text David's bestfriend saying how much she loved him and how she felt "ugly", because he had another girlfriend. She broke up with him. Not my fault he moved on and decided to date me. Anyways...yeah. That's it.


Patrick 5 years ago

I've been reading through this article and it's comforting to see that i'm not the only one going through this.

Heres my deal:

I'm 21, and a junior in college, and my girlfriend of about 8 months is a senior in college and also 21 (also she is my first girlfriend). The first two months of our relationship were amazing, I've never been so happy, but after that she just started to get so mad out of no where and tried to fight with me all the time, and when something went wrong she took it all out on me. For a few weeks we literary fought over something stupid EVERY NIGHT, its calmed down now a bit though. She is Bi-polar for sure, it runs in her family, and she even knows that she is, and tells me how sorry she is for taking stuff out on me, and how afraid of losing me she is, but honestly im so SICK OF HER! I mean i love this girl to death, but I really do want to get out there and meet other girls, shes told me that shes been with like 29 other guys before me! I've only been with one other girl before her! I Really want to meet other girls. I tried to break up with like a month ago but i chickened out because i wasnt sure if i was ready to lose her, but if im looking at this article that means I'm not happy and I need to get out of this. What really makes me mad about her is that we are together literary 24/7 except for when i work, and she like freaks out when i try to hang out with my bros, and I can't have any friends that are girls now either, she says she trusts me, and ive talked to her about this, but she obviously DOESNT! I really dont know how to go about this. she is back in her hometown until later tonight, and shes been texting me telling me how excited she is to see me, but i think i might just sit her down and try to break it off, I really hope that I dont puss out again, I need to be FREE AGAIN. I need advice :(


becauseilive profile image

becauseilive 5 years ago from N.J. Author

Stuck - You say so yourself that you're not happy. That's really the bottom line, isn't it? Five months is MORE than enough time to get an idea of what you and she would be like while living together. If the sex died off quickly, she doesn't like doing the same things as you (not going to the beach because there's no way to cool off?!), doesn't get your sense of humor, and (again) you're unhappy, then breaking up perhaps is not a bad idea.

Long distance is so hard. It's easy to stick with a long distance relationship well past it's expiration date for a couple of reasons: 1.) You are constantly longing, anticipating your next meeting, and you get caught up in wanting what you can't readily have 2.) Before you know it, a year or more has passed and you find yourself thinking, "Well, we've put this much effort into it and survived this long, it'd be a waste to end it now before e finally get the chance to be together." 3.) Even if there are obvious issues in the relationship, you tell yourself that they're a result of the distance, and that if only you were close by, those interpersonal differences would disappear. Not necessarily true.

Good luck to you, Stuck!


becauseilive profile image

becauseilive 5 years ago from N.J. Author

Patrick - I feel bad for you. No one deserves to be treated with distrust and suspicion, and you certainly don't need someone telling you who you can and cannot hang out with. You're an adult, and you're capable of making your own decisions. A relationship where one person puts restrictions on the other only leads to resentment. You're not building upon a solid foundation here.

I dated a guy who was exactly like the girl you're describing, only he was older (in his thirties) and I knew there was no way he was going to change. He picked fights with me constantly over the littlest things, i.e. me not pausing the movie when he got up to go to the bathroom could result in an energy-draining all-night brawl that lasted until six in the morning. It was sickening. His behavior only escalated and grew worse and worse until finally, fifteen months into it, I found the strength to leave. And THANK GOD I did, because if I hadn't, I wouldn't have ended up with the boyfriend I have now, who is beyond amazing and shows me everyday what a solid, healthy, loving relationship should be like.


truthisbitter 5 years ago

called me i told me that he didnt love me anymore and that night that he told me, he said his sending me off by making love with me fortunately for me i became pregnant, and i reported this issue to his parent, pastor and friends, every body called him asked him about it, but he said i'm okay but he didnt love anymore, but his mum insisted that he must marry including others and he yielded based on what people are saying, but since i discovered that he is not happy and not be nice as he use to be, but now he found a lady and he called me again that he want to marry another wife or to divorce


truthisbitter 5 years ago

please what can I do?

after 4 years in relationship my boyfriend then called me i told me that he didnt love me anymore and that night that he told me, he said his sending me off by making love with me fortunately for me i became pregnant, and i reported this issue to his parent, pastor and friends, every body called him asked him about it, but he said i'm okay but he didnt love anymore, but his mum insisted that he must marry including others and he yielded based on what people are saying, but since i discovered that he is not happy and not be nice as he use to be, but now he found a lady and he called me again that he want to marry another wife or to divorce with four children now, though he use to tell me almost every time that the love is not there. please need advice


Kevin 5 years ago

Well here iz issue:I m fifteen years old n i started my relatioship 2 years b4.i fell in love wid a girl of my class.At first our relationship was g0ing well but now its like hell.she iz always angry wid me.she argues wid me even in small things.i kn0w m little careless but its too much.i cant tolerate it anym0re.she is too jealous,whn i talk wid other girls she starts to stare at me wid her scary eyes.a week b4,i saw a boy hitted her BUTT! but she didnt even said him anything.fr0m that moment,i started to feel al0ne,disgraced and humiliated.i just want little space.evrytym whn i try to talk about ending our relationship,i couldn't gather the guts to c0ntinue it.my frnds als0 force me to break-up but i can't.i just love her too much.i kn0w i will miss her for a long time.....what should i do?NEED S0ME SUGGESTIONS!PLEEZ HELP ME!!!


Mattinvermont 5 years ago

LEAVE Kevin. leave the relationship before it consumes who you are or who you wan5t to be. They will stop at nothing to make shure that you are in thier pocket. MAN UP! seriosly lemme say it again MAAAAAN UUUP!!! Tell her she sucks and your done and just fuckin leav it at that. Comprend'e capasa? you will regret not listening to me BTW.


dude 5 years ago

I absolutely love my girlfriend more than anything. She's my everything, without a doubt. We connect together in ways that seems humanly impossible when I imagine that being possible with any other human being. However, although she is beautiful, smart and a good person, I just feel that she doesn't have the passion about me that she used to. She surprises me with her lack of thinking about me in situations and causes me to feel very under-appreciated and uncared for. I'm not quite sure if I'm overreacting yet, or if I should really just leave because I just dont quite mean that much to her anymore... what to do?


Hayden 5 years ago

I have been dating my girlfriend for 6 years now. Off and on, that is. She and I have had problems in the past and this has caused me to grow noticeably untrustworthy of her. However, She has her really close guy friends and always put her friends before me. We dont even have "our" friends. Just mine and hers. She just got into college and is doing Sorority stuff as well. I love her, I want everything in the world to be with her, but with her putting everyone before our relationship its causing me to just hurt. Anything to do...?


just your friendly neighor advice giver 5 years ago

Garretklometer1314 break up witt her man u dont deserve that2


anuj 5 years ago

hi friends...i am in a relationship from past 2 years.i really love my girl,i cant live widout her..but the problem is that she not at all tries 2 understand me.if v have a fight..she wont even luk back and say i am sorry.i am the one who always..always compromises....for everything.i am the one who says sorry even if it is her mistake..but she...never..please.dis is my personal cell number-8687999262..if u have any help for me.please... please give it.i really need it..please..


5 years ago

I'm confused, really confused. I feel like I cant talk to my friends anymore, they are almost fed up with me. Their attitude is "do it and get over it".

I will have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 8 months. I guess me writing this confirms my doubts about our relationship.

My boyfriend is a lovely person, he is caring and honest and I can always count on him to be there for me if I need him, but there are two sides to him. The person who i think I love and the person i dislike alot.

He is very opinated. He likes things his way and gets upset with me if I contradict his ideas. He is very protective and slightly controlling. He has often asked me not to wear certain clothes all my friends wear ( my friends are very modest and never go out having their assests on show)

We spend ALOT of time together.

Recently we have argued atleast once a week, we make up and by the next week argue again. I am tired of this. We are both very strong minded and hate backing down. I am sick of his possesive traits. He always wants to know what I'm doing, who Im going out with...if I dont say he becomes defensive and demands to know.

I feel like I'm loosing myself in this relationship. We care for eachother deeply we have such a strong bond and Im scared of loosing it. He is the first person I have ever truley cared for like this, told him my deepest and darkest secrets. I am scared I will regret this decision and I just dont know what to do.

He wont even talk about going on a break let alone breaking up.. I should I write him a straight forward letter ending our relationship.. I feel it would be the only way to end this unhappiness I know deep down we both feel.


becauseilive profile image

becauseilive 5 years ago from N.J. Author

@M - I have been exactly where you are, with a man who had the same traits. I can tell you one thing for sure: it will only get worse. Men who are insecure and controlling only become moreso as the relationship continues and they get more attached to you...and more afraid of losing you, since to lose you would be a shattering blow to their fragile egos.

A boyfriend should be a PARTNER, an EQUAL...not a dictator, and certainly not an imposing presence who questions your whereabouts, your motives, your decisions, and your opinions. You are your own person and are free to wear what you want. You're entitled to having and expressing your own ideas. I know that you care about him and I'm sure there are things about the relationship that are good, but if you know in your heart that you are unhappy then you need to make a move. You could try talking to him about it, and maybe the talk will go well, but most likely the talk will end in a fight. There's a million fish in the sea, but the only way you'll ever find the one that's right for you is by throwing the bad ones back into the water.


dchambers6 5 years ago

i have been dating this girl for 11 months now. i love her to death. i would do anything for her. it all started near the beginning of our relationship. i had been a pack a day smoker. at the time we started dating i had made the decision to quit and was successful for a while, but started back again. she is very much against smoking and essentially told me you either quit or were done. i should have just ended it there. to me this showed me that she didnt care enough about me to help me through something as hard as quiting an addiction. but i stuck around and stayed smoke free and still am. to do this i alienated all my friends who mostly were fellow smokers. she wouldnt allow me to hang out with them. i had to be with her every second from when i wake up ( or so it feels like). she has become very clingy and controlling. in addition she is not affectionet with me. i am the one who HAS to kiss her or i am a horrible person for it. or i HAVE to snuggle with her cuz if i dont she gets upset and says i dont love her. she doesnt seem to take the fact i love her to heart. i feel i am always having to prove it to her. in addition i am not feeling the love from her. in the last six months i have not had her ever wanting me sexually. i alway have to start everything. in some ways it seems like a chore for her to make love. and when we do she really has no passion. essentially what it comes down to is that i dont feel loved. i feel controlled and i want my life back. well whats left of it. my previous friends dont want anything to do with me because of her. i wish it could be fixed but i think it far past that point. i still love her but i dont think i can be in this relationship anymore. the idea of trying to break up with her scares me too because she will almost 100% go off the deep end. maybe even do something to her self. i dunno. im just throwing this out there to hopefully get an opinion and or help.


Richarlok 5 years ago

dchambers6. I am in the exact same place. help us please people.


Cinnamontoast 5 years ago

I've been with a girl for over a year now and I haven't been fully happy for awhile. I once truly loved the girl and was extremely happy with our relationship but her issues stemming from low self-esteem such as completely pointless jealousy and needy-ness have worn me out over the months and now I feel like I need to move on. The problem is that my girlfriend is completely in love with me still and considers me to be her perfect man. I know this sounds a little corny but she truly would do anything to keep me forever. I have tried to break up twice in the past but her extreme sadness and endless sobbing made me feel too guilty to go through with it and I made excuses for my doubting the relationship. I truly do care for her a great deal still and it breaks my heart to break hers. Sometimes I feel better about our relationship but a lot of the time my thoughts shift to breaking up or a life without her and I really think the time to end it is soon. If anyone out there has some comments or opinions I would be very appreciative.


anon 5 years ago

good luck everyone


Friend 5 years ago

I been in to many break ups im gona give up it dont last long for me I did mi best tryin to be a beter man for someone mi 10th girlfriend left me for mi best friend wen she wasntsuposed to be with him cuz hes younger than her


Jake 5 years ago

Ive been with my girlfriend for almost 2 years now and i dont know if i have feelings for her anymore. I talk to her every day and shes like my best friend and she wants to keep our relationship for long long time but the thing is im 18 and shes 16 goin 17. I recently met another girl in college that seems really into me and im kinda into her but i dont know if were gonna have feelings for each other. I want to give her a chance because i really like her and im still not sure if she likes me. We have a good connection just as friends but i wanna date her to find out but i dont want it to get so far without telling my girlfriend. Im askin for help bcuz this is a very emotional decision for me. I know im still young but i dont think she can handle being broken up. I wanna find out these feelings between these girls, but i dont want to lose any close friends. Someone please help me, thank you.


dchambers6 5 years ago

i attempted to break up with my girlfriend of almost a year now, but i got sucked back in with the "lets just try it, not being so attached to eachother" its been a week or so and it still isnt working. in addition the stress of it all sent me back to smoking. its very hard to break up, she was my first love and i do still love her. but i am still young, only 18 and shes 17 and since the beggining shes bein talking about marrying me and having my babies, i should have left after the first signs. but i stuck through it and am regretting everything, i lost my whole grade 12 year because she was so controlling. i am still young. i need to rid this comited relationship and move on. party while i am still young. lifes to short to waste on a hopeless relationship. this article has deffinetly inspired me to move on but i am still stuck with the daunting and emotionally draining task of ending it. in some ways i am scared but i am hoping for the best. and that i will bring up the courage to be successful with ending it. wish me luck. any suggestion to help make it easier?


toni 5 years ago

TO ALL YOU UNHAPPY WITH YOUR GIRFRIENDS AND HAVING TRIED EVERYTHING IN YOUR POWER TO PUT THINGS RIGHT.........JUST PACK YOUR BAGS AND LEAVE (WHEN SHES NOT THERE), IS WHAT I DID, SAVES YOU ALOT OF DRAMA, BECAUSE WHEN SHE REALISES THAT YOU LEFT SHE KNOWS YOU MEAN IT SO SHE WILL NOT ARGUE, INSTEAD SHE WILL BE BEGGING YOU FOR A CHANCE, AND IF SHE CALLS YOU JUST ARANGE TO MEET IN A NEUTRAL GROUNG AND DELIVER THE NEWS,DID IT ON BOTH OF MY EXES AND IS FAST AND EFFICIENT!


Michael 4 years ago

hi, sorry about the long story but I think it all is relevant. Thanks for the article and the comments. Ok, me and my girlfriend have been in a serious relationship for over 4 years, but have been seeing each other for just over 6 years. We are both 22 and met when we were still teenagers. We both lost our virginity to each other. From the very beginning we have had problems, small problems but problems none the less, About 3 years ago one night i was very drunk and this girl came onto me and we kissed, later on that night when i was walking home the girl kissed me again. The next morning I couldn't believe what I had done as it just wasn't me. I put it to the back of my mind and actually forget (or blocked it out) for about 6 months. Then it all came back to haunt me. The guilt was unbearable! I struggled through it for about 2 years, some days I would feel fine but others I would feel very bad about myself. It was crippling. We had small fights during this time, and broke up on several occasions, it was on one of these occasions I told her about that awful night. Granted we were not really serious about our relationship at that time but it still hurt me a great deal that I had betrayed the girl i love. So initially she took the news better than I thought, but then she began to get angry and was really hard on me, made me feel very insecure and lost my confidence, I begged for forgiveness and after around 3 weeks of hell, we got back together. Now I know alot of you will i say i deserved this and to some extent I agree but the irony is, i later found out she had been with a guy when we were on a break around the same time or before I had cheated on her. I found his number on her fone when i was looking for a taxi number, i asked her repeatedly who he was but she wudnt tell me and kept saying it was no one. I knew she cheated on me. I wasnt angry because she cheated, I was angry because she never told me. I was guilt ridden and had to tell her when i had done it, and all the time she was making me feel bad being very hard on me she had done the same thing to me. I later got out of her that she had kissed two other guys at the start of the relationship. I couldnt believe she could be so evil as to not tell me this. Anyway we agreed to give it another go and start from the beginning again because we love each other. I thought everything would be fine but it wasn't. We went to a friends house for the weekend last year and we both got drunk, i went outside as i was going to be sick and could barely stand, she came out and at first was holding my head, she started to push it down very hard and hurt my neck, i got up and she started to punch me in the face 5 or 6 times. This really broke my heart. She apologised a few days later and the sucker that i am i took her back. 4 months later we went out with friends for chirstmas, she got drunk again and started to punch me and push me infront of everyone in the bar saying no one likes me and our friends are her friends and not mine. I left the bar extremely angry. And guess what... i took her back. She has since cut down on her drinking, but everytime we do have a drink the night nearly always ends with an argument. I love this girl and I would give my life for her, but the thing is I dont know why. She makes me unhappy, has embarassed me on many occasions, cheated on me ( so have I) physically abused me. I don't feel appreciated in the relationship and feel like an idiot. I wouldnt let anyone else treat me in this way so why should i let her? I have tried a few times to break up with her, but I love her a great deal and when she is in a good mood i want to spend the rest of my life with her. But other times she is very moody and it is hell, i hav told her about this aswell before but i dont think she cares. I really need some help, it gets me very depressed that the girl i love cant treat me the way i want and deserve to be treated. I can't imagine my life without her, she is my only real friend. It makes me sick to think about her going out with another guy. I need some advice, even just a reply would mean alot as i have no one to talk to about this.


Mauricio88 4 years ago

Hey Michael, I understand how you feel but you got be strong, if you love her take therapy class to fix the relationship. But if she does many thing to effect the relationship, if there so many problem, so many argument. You should make the best choice for yourself for a healthy life. Their so much thing what people can't handle any more, my problem was also familiar as your problem was. Make the best choice whatever you chose I hope you don't regret it in the end.


Mauricio88 4 years ago

My ex-girlfriend that I was with was beautiful, strong and good hearted, I loved her so much I was with her a year in half. I was very happy and proud of the person I was with. It was a long distant relationship I went to visit her and she also came to visit me. In time she became jealous, she ask me who I'm talking to, when so called my cell she always jump to look. It was annoying even if I wasn't doing anything bad. Month later I met a beautiful young woman who I worked in my job we started the same day. We became friend and I was very found of her of who she was. I wanted be friend with her so I decided to give her my number. But she never called me. it took her 5 month later to give me call. (I won't make the story long) in time my ex-girlfriend was driving me crazy there was so many thing that I couldn't take anymore? I was falling in love with new girl I met at my job, but I couldn't tell my ex about cause I loved her even at time I couldn't even handle to be with her. I stood with her cause I care about her so much. So one day she caught that I had a letter in my wallet that said take care my love. From the girl from my job. She went crazy she took my cell and she called everyone from my cell I mean everyone even my job. So she found and communicated with the girl that i work with and they spoken for 3 hours. I was visiting my ex Florida at the time. By the time she found the truth I was scared of the confrontation of my ex and the girl I work with, so I ran like a coward. Until later I confronted it and I told her the truth why I did it. I felt so ashamed as I saw her cry. So that I couldn't take to see her like that. I told her the way you were acting it was the reason you were pushing me away. Jealousy, I was able to talk to have friend meaning girls, I was able hang out for long there was so much plus there was no trust in the relationship. If there no trust there no future. And the girl I worked she trusted me and she always gave me my space and control of my own life. In the ended I had to make a choice so I would lose both girls, as much I loved my ex I decided to choice what best for me to stop the argument and stress. I so with the girl that work with. And I don't regret. It hurts, it really does hurt because you won't know what hurt until you know what you lose. But I still have her in my mind with great memories we had each with other. I wanted to apologize to her but I'm scared to talk to her I don't think it best. Plus I heard she hated me and I don't blame her. As much of stupidity I did I really care for her and I want to see her happy. But I also wanted to be happy as i use to be when I first met her.


Michael 4 years ago

Thanks for the reply mauricio.

I broke up with her, a few hours after i posted, have felt terrible since, literally have not ate anything in 2 days, I just wish i had never met her as she has broke my heart, i feel like i just want to die, i lost my teenage years to this girl for nothing.

I always had at the back of my mind that this was her last chance while i was breaking up with her. If she actually showed me that she wanted to be with me, if she showed that she would do anything to have me back then maybe we could sort things out. But she just became very arrogant and defensive and saying it wasnt her fault, she doesn't seem to realise what she has done to me. i am just craving for love and affection and this girl just doesnt provide it to me.

I feel like i am in a nightmare and am never going to wake up. Sometimes i think i would be better off dead because the pain is too much. I dont know what i am going to do.


Abhinav Bhatia profile image

Abhinav Bhatia 4 years ago

I am in a relationship with a girl for more than one year. It is not physical. She is obsessed with marriage...and has set her heart on marrying me only...I am just 20...I don't want to even think about marriage...recently i proposed to another girl...without telling the first girl...now I want to break up with both of them...i feel very dissatisfied...


Dark 4 years ago

Hey Michael, I know how heart break is, but you have plenty of life ahead of you. I feel like you may be romanticizing your past, only looking at the good. Look at the bad and remember why you ended it. Focus on finding new friends meeting other girls. She seems like a girl who puts all the troubles on you.(even if you caused a few i know you didn't do it all) My ex was the same exact way, even if she did something it was my fault i had to apologize. Think what would happen if you had kids and she got drunk and starting abusing you. You do NOT want kids around this(if you even want kids). I have one question for you, are you scared to be alone and that you won't find another girl or that you actually still love her?

If you need to talk more i can throw my email your way.

-Dark.


Sigh 4 years ago

I've been in a relationship for nearly 10 years, and it started in high school. I have tried, believe me, to work on this relationship. I'm tired of trying. I grew up to learn relationships are tough and need to be worked on but this is nuts. I have so much resentment. I care about her still but when I look at her I don't like her anymore. I did the break up speech a few days ago and she was hysterical for like 2 hours and I finally gave in. We have no kids, nothing. How does this end?


nate 4 years ago

sigh,

it will be tough. It will be very painful at first and you will have co-dependency issues to work out. you will want to call her or report to her when you do something good or new, but you have to do your best not to. In your case, because you are the one leaving it will probably be a lot easier than her side of things and shell be a mess. just take some time to write down your true feelings. ..But to the question how does this endn the end ...well you will both lead successful and fulfilled lives, even though you might not see it now...


Middle Schooler 4 years ago

Please help me!

Okay, so I've been in a "relationship" with my first girlfriend for oh, two months I think. Anyways over those two months we've broken up one time already but the one time anytime I saw her in my music or gym classes she never seemed happy and now we've kissed on the lips (quick peck) and I think she's gotten even MORE attached to me... I mean I'm only eleven and I gave her a second chance but I feel like the relationship has been screwed I'm moving to Florida over the summer without her obviously and I don't want her to get even more attached and love me even more and then have me break up with her I mean she's my first girlfriend and I'm only in sixth grade and I'm like her fifteenth boyfriend and she's in the SAME grade as me but she says that I'm her best and I've already said the three words and she has too and AHHHH I feel like I'm about to explode please I don't want to hurt her but I don't want to break up with her right after we've had pecks on the lips and I feel like if I do break up with her I'll seem like I just used her. I mean not to flatter myself or anything but I could get literally almost any girl in my grade and I know she knows that and I just feel so lost right now please help me please I know I shouldn't deliver it via text or letter and it should only happen over the phone or in person but I don't ever have any time when she's not surrounded by her friends and she's so attached to me please help!!!!!!!


BedlamGoliath 4 years ago

It's nuts to see how many people are in the same situation as me. I've been with my girl for about 2 years now, and i'm seeing a new woman. I haven't cheated, but there are feelings on both ends. It's killing me on the inside and I don't know what to do. I feel like I should break it off with my girlfriend, but she doesn't see it coming, and it's so hard to destroy a strong relationship with not only her, but her whole family. She doesn't have a whole lot of friends and I know she turns to me for almost everything. I feel, that if I ruin this for us.. she'll either be accepting and understanding (through pain, of course) or she'll lose her mind and i'll look back and say "i'm such an idiot." that's the true, forever alone.

help?


Chucky 4 years ago

Bedlam-

Are you sure your relationship of 2 yrs is worth breaking off for said woman? What is the situation w/ your girl?


Iamnumber4 4 years ago

Women are needy, emotionally draining, crying hopeless creatures when you catch them on a bad day. But then I think we re horny, rude and negligent when it all comes down to it, no matter how hard we try. If the good outways the bad, hold on to her. My girlfriend is amazing, but she won't ever drink or smoke weed with me and constantly tells me how much she hates that I do.. My best friends girlfriend is very pretty and does all that with him and he treats her like dirt, says she's crazy and has cheated on her in the past. Thing is he really hit the jackpot with her and takes her for granted because she could do alot better. Anyone else wish they had a "cool" girlfriend? :[


Middle Schooler 4 years ago

It is done... I broke it off and asked if we could still be friends. She said yes and still wants to go out with me, and she said that she was okay with the break up but I know that she's not because she hasn't texted me in three days so I know she's really sad. The last time we broke up (when we had been dating for two weeks only) her friends said that when they had a 'sleep over' she cried herself to sleep. So I am pretty sure that she's taking it pretty hard (Ha-ha 'taking it pretty hard' excuse the accidental pun) about the break-up... As I have said before when fifth grade was let out... "I'M FREE MUTHA' FUCKERS!"... But in all honesty, I do kind of miss her but I think me missing her is mostly guilt because I know that she really loved me a bunch and all. But I know that what I did was the right thing and I know that my ex will realise that as well soon enough (probably when I move). Seriously guys now I don't feel like I'm cheating on anyone if I 'flirt' with girls in my class. It's a very strange freedom but VERY nice trust me. If I had the courage I am positive that you guys will have the same courage as me and I'm in middle school! I think that we all want too break it off, but our 'love' for the girl douses our fierce fire that is know as courage (What the Hell? Am I going to be a poet when I grow up?). Good luck and I hope that this post will help you guys. P.S. You guys should probably do it on Friday or Satuday, or else you might not have the few days to get accustomed to your 'old ways' in time for daily things such as work, High School, or College. Good luck! Middle Schooler


Middle Schooler 4 years ago

It is done... I broke it off and asked if we could still be friends. She said yes and still wants to go out with me, and she said that she was okay with the break up but I know that she's not because she hasn't texted me in three days so I know she's really sad. The last time we broke up (when we had been dating for two weeks only) her friends said that when they had a 'sleep over' she cried herself to sleep. So I am pretty sure that she's taking it pretty hard (Ha-ha 'taking it pretty hard' excuse the accidental pun) about the break-up... As I have said before when fifth grade was let out... "I'M FREE MUTHA' FUCKERS!"... But in all honesty, I do kind of miss her but I think me missing her is mostly guilt because I know that she really loved me a bunch and all. But I know that what I did was the right thing and I know that my ex will realise that as well soon enough (probably when I move). Seriously guys now I don't feel like I'm cheating on anyone if I 'flirt' with girls in my class. It's a very strange freedom but VERY nice trust me. If I had the courage I am positive that you guys will have the same courage as me and I'm in middle school! I think that we all want too break it off, but our 'love' for the girl douses our fierce fire that is know as courage (What the Hell? Am I going to be a poet when I grow up?). Good luck and I hope that this post will help you guys. P.S. You guys should probably do it on Friday or Satuday, or else you might not have the few days to get accustomed to your 'old ways' in time for daily things such as work, High School, or College. Good luck! Middle Schooler


LastManStanding 4 years ago

OK I have read lots of the comments above and they are very helpful but I will not need them yet. I will try to keep this short so please read on...

I have been dating this girl for about a year now so I asked her to marry me. I am 27 and she is 24. I love her so much and she loves me (I think). When we started dating it was clear that she understood my schedule. I currently work 35 days on and 35 off. After we dated for six months I had to go back home due to work. From then the plan was to date long distant for 6 months then she would move down. Well the first weekend after I went home (six months ago) she went to the movies with a guy friend that broke up with his girl friend... She said it was basically to comfort a friend. I have had conversations with her about going to the movies with guys and going to bars when I’m not home.

The problem I am having, is that she is about to leave her hometown to move in with me (we live about 2000 miles apart). I could have picked her up at the beginning of the month but she has been waiting for a month to have one last Halloween party with her friends before she leaves. But this whole month she has been going to the bars every weekend for something. Last week she went to a Halloween dress up party. She told me the week before when we had a conversation about her going to bars that they weren’t going to bars for the Halloween party. They were just going to walk the streets. Well today on facebook her friend posted pics of her in a bar. So I called her today about it and she said im sorry but we were only in there for a little bit. Sometimes she says it’s only for a couple of minutes or she says I didn't think it would bother you. Plus now that she has waited so long it will be another 1.2 months before I can pick her up. Was this her plan so she can hang out at the bars for a couple months longer?

What should I do with her? I don't like to think about what she is doing all the time specially when I’m gone for 35 days at a time. I always wonder if she is going to do the same thing when she moves in. Will she go to the bars to find new friends? I guess im looking for someone more conservative. I don’t expect my fiancé to go out to little costume parties or any party unless im there. Maybe this was doomed from the beginning. Can someone please help me that has the experience to?


muggy mug 4 years ago

Gf of 18months has just cheated on me. She suffers from depression and generally has issues with herself, but our relationship has been very good. Problem is she went to a party got very drunk, someone showed her some attention and she slept with him, then called me next day crying, apologising and asking me to forgive. She was honest but obviously doesn't take the pain away.

She is now getting proper help through counselling. I still love her but i feel sick to my stomach. At the moment I don't know what to do, we are currently on a break to sort my head and feelings out. My brain tells me to run and get away while i can, but my heart says i love her...:(


1234596 4 years ago

I really need replay.

I am 18 years old n i didnt have a girlfriend before,this is the my first love of my life. I loved this girl very much , and i have been with her for 18 months. She is very emotional and i tried to break up with her a few times , because am very young to have a "SERIOUS" relationship, i need to spend time with my friends. So i dont know what to do to get RID OF IT , i really need someones help. I said to her that i wanted a free time and i didnt speak for her whithin a day , i think she is waiting for me , but i dont know how to response someone help me. Mike.. from atlanta


BJ Graves 4 years ago

Thank you very much. This is gonna be extremely hard for her because I am her first boyfriend and she's 23 years old. I would like to get this done and over with, but it seems, in your statement, that it's not gonna happen fast.


gothic kid 4 years ago

ok iv been dating a girl for more than a year now and i love her alot but a girl just moved to my school and i kinda like her my gf doesnt like her at all and just for no reason. i went to a dance and danced with the new girl and i was forced to tell my gf by my friend... well she wasnt to happy thenext day at school my gf went up to her and started to b!tch about her touching me. i love my girlfriend a lot but i really want to date other ppl she is just over pretective i cant even say hi to another girl with out her getting mad what should i do?


A.R.M, Meghalaya 4 years ago

it doesnt worked on me... my last option is "My Death". i die problem finish, no more crying, giggling etc,HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE


becauseilive profile image

becauseilive 4 years ago from N.J. Author

@BJ Graves - You're right, it would be very easy and convenient if you said to your girlfriend, "I don't think this is working, let's break up" and she replied with, "You know, I think you're right. It was nice meeting you!" Lol...never gonna happen.


AL 4 years ago

@Mike from Atlanta

It can be tricky and you have every right to ask for space. First thing is to ask yourself if you want this relationship or not. Specifically, do you want to stay in but have space or stay out completely. Both are valid but different options with different approaches. If you want a break, you can follow the advice in the main article. If you want to negotiate having time with friends, you can tell her directly. One example "I care about you deeply and want to spend time with you. At this point in my life I want to spend more time with my friends and manage my time in a healthy way. Can we talk about this?". Waiting is natural especially if she feels attached to you. Sometimes deciding on what you want is sometimes the hardest part. Writing the pros and cons of staying on a paper can help see things objectively. Score each side with a percentage and then write out your decision seperately.


AL 4 years ago

@muggy mug

According to some, many men would rather rip their arms off than have their partner cheat on them. Understandably you may be in a heap of pain and confusion. Your feelings of love for her are understandable. Her honesty with you is commendable as her efforts in therapy. The question about what to do after cheating has more to do with your love for yourself, especially since you're on the darker side of the moon here and it's not your fault. Surprisingly, breaking up is the quickest and easiest thing you can do to get closure on the pain ond move on for both of you. If you decide to try to work things out and not suffer lifelong depression and pain, the bare minimum is that she no longer have ANY contact with the affair EVER. Following can take years of therapy and counselling designed to express and deal with feelings of pain, loss, betrayal, guilt, as well as a plan to manage unmet emotional needs. By then the purpose is not to repair the relationship but to rebuild a new one with the same person. Affairs are more like building demolition than a pipe leak. It's easiest to move in another new building, than rebuild the existing one; it's unthinkable to glue the conrete and wood back together from scratch. Come to think of it it's like Humpty Dumpty too.


Jordz 4 years ago

Ive been in a relationship for about 1 yr with this woman and she is driving me mad... I cant do anything without being hastled for it, my phone gets checked regularly incase im cheating? Apparently its a crime now to have female friends? Bs... Thanks to this though i hav a few ideas how to break up with her without being killed, thanks guys!


Just a dude 4 years ago

Isn't free online therapy great!

Get ready for a curveball...

I'm in a Ménage à trois (three way relation) with two men. And yes, I am also a man.

About a year ago I moved in with this couple, who have been together for 7 years. Shortly after we all began to date. Not just fuck (perverts), love each-other very deeply. One of them left for (very stressful) work travels during most of the last 6 months.

His homecoming came with all kinds of anticipation. He has been home three weeks now and the three of us have had about 7 wonderful days together, 10 perfectly 'normal' days and 4 really shitty days.

Last night, we went out to dinner and due to frustrations around communication and emotional/psychological availability, we never actually sat at the restaurant. We all decided to walk our own way home.

It gets better...

Two of us got home, unable to find the third. He said he was 'fine' and that we should ‘not worry' about the evening, all was 'forgiven'.

Of course the two of us who were home, exchanged some pretty harsh, and emotional words/thoughts around the situation.

He didn't come home for hours, then at 1am I found black-out drunk literally writing on the walls with a sharpie (this is the guy who has been traveling). Oh, and for some lame reason, he scribbled on some art I put up, art that is (was) very sentimental.

I think he is mildly suffering from PTSD.

He fell asleep on the couch, and I rested next to him to make sure he didn't get sick (or worse) in his sleep.

He eventually went into his bed, with his boyfriend and locked the door.

In the morning I asked if he was ok, he didn't respond. I told him I was sorry his feelings got so extremely hurt by the situation. I told him I was sorry for acting selfishly, in which he replied: 'Being sorry is Bullshit, it is just a bunch words. Actions, try actions".

Yes, there are many layers of complexity in this situation... too many to list, too many to dwell on.

The truth is, as they have told me, I am a wonderful, much needed and welcome addition to their relationship.

At the moment I am feeling incredibly vulnerable. I have never loved or been loved by somebody, let alone two people, so much in my life.

Attachment leads only to suffering...

Writing On The Wall: such an ominous and terrifying sign. I feel overwhelmingly afraid, as if I'm almost certain I will be broken up with tomorrow. Today has passed with very little communication.

If you love something, let it go...

If you love something, allow it to be free…

I'm doing everything I can to embody positive change and constructive communication.

I feel like the three of us have only just begun a journey of infinite unconditional love, self-discovery and abundance.

In the back of my head I think; 'I'm lying to myself, maybe I have been lying to myself for a long time'.

Creating false realities takes more than one self...

In the end, in five years down the road... all of this will seem so inconsequential. I will always love them and they will always love me, even if we can't have our little Ménage à trois... We have great memories, have shared moments more wonderful than I could have ever imagined. The growth and powerful life lessons we have shared with each-other is irreplaceable.

I took all my art off the walls, and put it in the garage.

I stare at blank walls... breathing slowly


Gilbert 4 years ago

My first girlfriend practically destroyed me when we broke up back in 94 which took me a very long time to recover from that tragic event of my young life. However ever since that happened each and every women that I had to break up with had an absolute minimum effect on my me.


Gilbert 4 years ago

My first girlfriend practically destroyed me when we broke up back in 94 which took me a very long time to recover from that tragic event of my young life. However ever since that happened each and every women that I had to break up with had an absolute minimum effect on me..


4 years ago

test


himanshugovil 4 years ago

heyy.. im dating a girl who once used to be my good frnd first. she helped me a lot getting out of my X(we got engaged).. But den after breaking up wth my X i neva culd possibly love ne1.. not even d one m dating now.. she is a lot serious for me but m not.. not even a bit.. i tried a lot but seriously i couldn't , n she doesnt know it.. cos of which we guys often get into physical terms sometimes which i don't like now.. i don't want to hurt her because she was the one who helped me getting out of my past depressed life.. but i also dont want to hurt myself everyday either.. she trusts me a lot n i tried breaking up with her through my friend's help by trying to break her trust over me.. but shes rock solid.. please advice me sir/ma'am to get out of it.. its getting worst for me living up a virtual love life everyday..


Broken 4 years ago

My fiance of six years broke up with me while my mother is going through breast cancer treatment with me as her sole support. It was a lengthy breakup that began a couple weeks after my mother received her diagnosis. I am in med school right now, and it has been very difficult to concentrate--hopefully I pass all of my exams. He used some of the same tactics that were suggested in this article, but the break up did not hurt any less.


aussie 4 years ago

ive read every comment here and im glad i have, i love my girlfreind more than anything in the world but im always being put down and out 2nd to every one else i do everything i can to keep her happy and to see a smile on her face give me the best feeling ive ever had in my life i want to spend my life with her but i cant bring myslef to be unhappy and unloved i feel she no longer feels for me the way i feel for her ive lived with this girl for mostr of our time together and i dont regret it at all but the one year aniverasry in four more days and with y self feeling broken and distrated from my career and freinds i feel as if i am loosing everthing else around me and that im fighting a loosing battle she has broken up with me 3 time since we have been together and ive done everything to get her to stay but now i feel there is nothing more i can do and my happiness is more important to me as i said i deeply love this girl but i cant put myself last anymore i have a life and freinds to and i deserve to life my life to the fullest not be the token boyfreind that i have been made out o be by evryone i know i know she will find someone else that is better suited to her lifestyle but im very career and family orientated and not into the whole get drunk every weekend and waste time id rather be out surfing and enjoying everything i love witch i havent done for 7 months because of our realastionship i dont deniy i have flaws and im not perfect and i dont try to be but if i keep kiding myself and not enjoy my life i may aswell not be here at all i dont want to do what i have to do but i know its the only choice i have to be happy again even my father said to me about three weeks ago, "the whole family loves her but the question i have for you buddy is do u and are u still happy" and its taken me a while to realise that im not the only one who has noticed it i ran into my ex of two years around a month ago and she said "i dont want to be rude but you dont seem like you is everything ok" she is now happily married to an ex co worker im im over the moon for them but when i looked at them and other around i truely did realise that i was alone and unhappy even tho i have a masive group of freind a massive family and some i love deeply im by self all of the time in my own little world i supose where i still belive everthing to be ok but im no longer there and i have to change things in order to be happy again, LIFES FULL OF CHOICES YOU MAKE THEM AND DONT LOOK BACK.


:( 4 years ago

here goes,

i live with my girlfriend of 4 years, she is my best friend, and i care for her in every way possible, and i know that she loves me so much. we do everything together, and i hate the thought of not seeing her for one day.

my problem is that i feel trapped, i feel like im trapping her.

Marraige - i dot see me marrying her, in my head i can not see me being married to her, we have been together for 4 years, she wants to get engaged, whenever someone mentions this i try to avoid it, she wants this so bad, but thats not what i want.

Children - she has set a date when she wants to stop taking the pill, so that we can start trying for a baby, i dont see me having a child with her, i want children in the future, but future or ot i really cant see this happening with her.

we have been through so much, we live together, we have a life together at the moment, security and we relly on each other, but i love her as a friend, as a person, but i dont feel that little extra that i used to feel, that amazing warming inside, the cuddle where like i was floatig on cloud nine, but now i sruggle to show her any effection, but i do, to keep her happy.

i dont want to hert her, or see her cry, and if i leave she will not be able to afford to pay rent, but i cant keep living with this spinning in my head every night, while i sit next to her, lay in our bed.

for the first time iv explained how i feel, and its such a releif getting this out, shame its not to her, i really have to soon, its not good for me or her.

someone always has to get hurt, sometimes i wish she would cheat on me, just so i would have to break her hart, bt that would be the easy way out

good luck to all, everyone should be happy....


Ellis 4 years ago

i cheated on m girlfriend over the internet and it was abwt 9 months ago we where trying to work past it but she just seems to be looking for some sort of flaw in everything i do i have to be constantly questioned do i think this girl is pretty and are there any low cut tops on people when i watch the telly i love this girl an its been nearly a year but i just get the feeling it isnt going anywhere an i need help to sort it or break up

she also has alot of friends who are lads and a few like her and they flirt she doesnt flirt back but she doesnt tell them to stop doing itand say " i cant control what they do, i cant stop em " but is heavily serious on making sure i have little contact with diffrent women i know what i did was wrong but i just feel like its unfair after so long shes just getting worse and when she accuses me of things an get herself worked up about it an threatens to leave me if i dont tell they truth about it and then i prove i am telling the truth i dont get a sorry for douting you or i am sorry for being so nasty about it i just get an ok then its just really frustrating also i am not sure if i am afraid to leave her coz i dont think ill find anyone else i am 17 an shes my only serious girlfriend i have only had 2 others i just dont know what to do please help


@mark25 4 years ago

kinda kewl that this page started 4 years ago n it still gets looked at, i was in the situation the very first posts were about, love in the relation ship, but not in love, dont know when along the time my feelings changed but i new they had,,, so i sat her down and told her i wasnt happy and it was time to put it to an end she took it better than expectd ie she didnt hit me :P she was angry sad depresed, wed been together three years, she didnt see it coming either, after sitting her down i only made it 10 mins before i was told to leave, i tried to stay to console her, butit wasnt what she wanted, its horrible to see her cry,felt like a pure arsehole, but then i got in my car and pulled away,sparked a cigarette,and although i felt sad i also felt relieved ,like my mind is clearer , the guilt and sadness lingered apon me for monthsbefore i broke up with her,i know it is going to be the best for both of us, she doesnt realise this now ,i hope that we can still be pleasant to each other when we cross paths,maybe even friends, this only happened yesterday so i cant tell you just yet what happens next, one bit of advise, if your even reading this, you already know you want to end your relationship,itl all work out, doesnt matter what crazy picture youve build up in your own head, i stressed for weeks ,had my head up my arse pretty much im just looking forward to feeling like me again thanx for listening and hope i might have gave some help


aaron 4 years ago

i love her a lot but she is going through a serious disease,coz of wich she cant even make out with me,also when she is fine she is not into me like she was two years ago, iv tried to break up several times but its imposible,drs no use of explainin this to her as evrytime the disease comes in. i care too much for her but coz of the relation iv just lost myself...any help? plzz


aaron 4 years ago

i love her a lot but she is going through a serious disease,coz of wich she cant even make out with me,also when she is fine she is not into me like she was two years ago, iv tried to break up several times but its imposible,drs no use of explainin this to her as evrytime the disease comes in. i care too much for her but coz of the relation iv just lost myself...any help? plzz


Freddy 4 years ago

What should i do ...?? i can't love my girl fully because she has a 5 year old kid.. It is killing me that she often need to talk to the dad, and that i spontaniously cant take on a vacation with her.. Also it breaks my heart knowing that my first born wont be her first born... :-/

- im 22 she is 5 years older than me


tommy 4 years ago

Hi , im not to sure how to handle the nex few months as my girlfriend and i are so differenet ages shes 21 and im 25 i dont reallly mind age differences although one night weeks maybe months ago we got so drunk things happened and just a few days ago we found out that she was pregnant what am i suppose to do ? do i leave her do bring up my baby on my own or do i stay with her and regret it when were old and alone ? help me please befire its too late ! thanks


Justdumb 4 years ago

Hi all, this thread doesnt reallz get answered but it feels good to actually talik about stuff like this. I have been with mz girlfriend for 5 yrs and things have been good but i reallz cant see anz future in us. I have supported her thru school and done my best to take care of her, but i havnt reallz loved her for avout a year now, and i have always been holding back from telling cos i know shes is going to be very hurt.

I reallz dont love her ne more but i care for her dont know if the difference is clear, i can be a shoulder she can cry on but not the one she goes home to is what i mean.

I told her last week it was over and well she cried for a couple of days and moved out then y'day she came back and said she didnt have ne where else to go and well we kind of slept together, now i get back home and all her stuff is back at mz place. It seems to me she thinks when i say its over i am just saying i need some time but i reallz mean its over. I am contemplating saying i am inlove with someone else just so i can make her realiz that i mean its over but i cant coz i am not inlove with ne one else.

i dont know if i am making sense but its kind of a hard situation, i did love her so much that i stopped having contact with my family because they didnt approve but now i reallz dont c ne future, i actuallz put mz studies on hold so i can support her thru her's and she failed and hasnt even considered redoin it. Now i am going back to university and i dont c us having ne future together.

ne advice? sry about the z i am using a german keyboard and the positions r switched. and incase some stuff isnt well explained above its just coz i can think straight and i am reallz under stress so to speak.


Justdumb 4 years ago

Hi all, this thread doesnt reallz get answered but it feels good to actually talik about stuff like this. I have been with mz girlfriend for 5 yrs and things have been good but i reallz cant see anz future in us. I have supported her thru school and done my best to take care of her, but i havnt reallz loved her for avout a year now, and i have always been holding back from telling cos i know shes is going to be very hurt.

I reallz dont love her ne more but i care for her dont know if the difference is clear, i can be a shoulder she can cry on but not the one she goes home to is what i mean.

I told her last week it was over and well she cried for a couple of days and moved out then y'day she came back and said she didnt have ne where else to go and well we kind of slept together, now i get back home and all her stuff is back at mz place. It seems to me she thinks when i say its over i am just saying i need some time but i reallz mean its over. I am contemplating saying i am inlove with someone else just so i can make her realiz that i mean its over but i cant coz i am not inlove with ne one else.

i dont know if i am making sense but its kind of a hard situation, i did love her so much that i stopped having contact with my family because they didnt approve but now i reallz dont c ne future, i actuallz put mz studies on hold so i can support her thru her's and she failed and hasnt even considered redoin it. Now i am going back to university and i dont c us having ne future together.

ne advice? sry about the z i am using a german keyboard and the positions r switched. and incase some stuff isnt well explained above its just coz i can think straight and i am reallz under stress so to speak.


ashlee noel sullivan henigan 4 years ago

i been with maa girlly for ova year now and im ova relationships there gay as bruddy


Kameron 4 years ago

yo i lived with my girlfriend for some time now, i had a nasty break up with an ex and i hooked up with my current a short time after. we have been together for a year but, i dont find her as physically appealing or as emotionally stimulating as my ex. she's a great listener but i wish she understood me better. i really dont like seeing her in pain, but its got to be done sometime because i feel like im living a lie. the sex isnt too great, she would be a much better friend, and who knows, maybe all that other shit wont matter later on in life and i'll want her solely for her companionship someday. i still talk to my ex when i need that mental stimulation, but i dont want to have to share me with two women. i'd rather be single instead of feeling wrong about seeking stimulation elsewhere.


Justdidit 4 years ago

Slightly different perspective from here lads, I did it. I broke up with her a few days ago. It was terrible and hard--she loved me but I didn't really love her and after 10 months of trying it just needed to end. It was awful and her family hates me now, and I get really depressed when I think about how sad she is, cause I still care about her as a friend.

Here's the 2 main points:

1. You know. You know if it's a communication thing, or a compatibility thing. If she still can turn you on, make you laugh, but recently its just been hell, then it's a communication thing. If you look at her and nothing happens, it's done.

2. Don't wait. End it. It's so good on the other side. There's peace here on the other side and the hope of a FUTURE. Do it, it's worth it. Just be nice while you do...


John 4 years ago

What Do I Do ?

i have been going out with my girlfriend for other year, at first it was bliss; i loved her, she loved me, we trusted each other and we were great. Then she started getting really moody, she wont go out to any social event.. she cry at them and gets all worked up, saying she feels like she is holding me back and she shouldnt be there. I have tried to get her talking with people, because she quite quiet but no joy. If i talk to other people she gets all moody.

She gets all jealous and controlling, she lashes out when things dont go her way and then cries when i tell her i aint happy.

for the last like 3-4 months i have been really depressed and want to end it, but i feel guilty about leaving her - she isnt... stable ?

Laterly i met another girl, she was a great friend recently and i think i developing feelings for her. But i wont cheat on my current girlfriend.

My current girlfriend can be sweet, nice, kind and gentle something, and can be soo caring it is outstanding. The other girl, has had some real problems and i dont know her well enough to conpare really - i aint sure if she would be good for me. WHAT DO I DO ? i am cracking up.


John 4 years ago

Three years on and people still come here. It's a good article. I've very recently broken up with my girlfriend. She's still madly in love with me and willing to do anything to make it work. I don't even know why I don't love her any more, but I don't. Explaining that is hard to impossible.

If there is reoccurring serious doubt about a relationship it's going to fail sooner or later. We don't have any kids so there is no reason to hang on longer than necessary. It still is the worst thing that has happened in my life. Sad times.


Tom 4 years ago

My gf lol...X txt me this last nite what should i say in response with the goal to be friends still get me ur opinions plz ........ her txt----- I really hoped you would answer bc I don't want to do this through txt but I have to do this now. A break will not solve our problems and I'm not being fair to you or myself if we keep this up. You know how much I love you and how much I tried to make us work, but I can't do it anymore. Wer over tom and I really wish you the best and I can't wait until you meet that girl that Makes you realize that you have the potential to be an amazing man to her. You always have a friend in me.


james 4 years ago

ive literally just broke up with my girlfriend ive been with for 3 years. the reason is i just generally don't want a girlfriend, but the same thing happens every time we brake up i miss her so so much, shes been so nice to me and were both close with each others parents, when i think of her being sad or upset it kills me inside and it makes me want to ask her back out which i shouldn't do because im just messing with her minds. i was just wondering does it sound like im making a big mistake i keep thinking about her, and it kills me to know shes upset..is this normal with break ups???


Travis 4 years ago

I dont know what to do I want to break up with her but I care about her so much I am not sure if its love anymore i just dont know. She is so inlove with me it scares me half to death to say its over. IDK her family loves me 2 but i want freedom, i want to go to the army. I want to be FREEEE but i feel confined... idk what to do but the last thing is ever hurt her.


Gselva 4 years ago

iv been with this girl for a week now and im really into other girls, but i lost my virginity to this girl and she gives me sex, but she is very crazy, she blackmailed emotionally her last boyfriend, who broke up with her because i kissed her, and i don't know what to do...


The Troll 4 years ago

James

I am not sure if it is mistake or not, I cannot have a say in that because I am not you and I do not know who you are and what she is like. However, that feeling in a break up is normal, and time will make it go away. It is because you still love her, but in a friendly kind way. That is normal. Think about it, you spent years with her, doesn't make sense to still have feelings after? I have been in your shoes before, and yes I did feel awful. However, overtime that feeling went away and I started dating again. You learn through trial and error, and eventually understand what it means to be in a relationship.

correct me if I am wrong.


Christian 4 years ago

So I've been in this relationship for almost a year now and on our year anniversary (six days away :( ) we plan on telling everyone were engaged (although I have not given her a ring yet). Here's the thing, I have no clue what's wrong but when I'm with her I either feel really bad about us being together (I feel restricted, like I have less feeling for her, and like I'd rather be doing other things), I sometimes feel totally infatuated with her all over again (and I long to have those days everyday :'( ) or sometimes things just feel...mediocore for lack of a better word :/ I constantly find myself being totally unhappy but if I even think about breaking up with her it kills me. I break down and cry thinking of all the moments we've shared (bad and good) and thinking that sometimes we seem to be doing perfectly fine and that I would love to be with her forever :( I'm to the point where I just want to be happy but I don't know what it is that will make me happy :( its obvious it's getting rid of her right? But at the same time sometimes I think maybe it's not for whatever reason. I don't want to hurt her for she's so amazing and she's totally in love with me and thinks I'm absolutely perfect but I just don't think I'm ever going to be happy like I could without her :/ at the same time I just hate deciding what to do here :( another thing Is that I broke up with her in the past but only for a day because I felt so horrible and I felt I was making a horrible mistake and I promised her my continual love and presence forever...am I a bad person? I mean, Im not trying to toy with her I just want her to be happy and me to be happy too :( im going to miss her more than anything, what do I do? :'( ps sorry for all the emoticons, it's what I do :-P


theboywithnoname 4 years ago

I've been Googling for advice on this subject and have found this hub to be very useful indeed, but I suppose asking for a bit more help won't do any harm.

I've been in a relationship with this girl for just under 17 months now. We knew each other as "friends" for about 2-3 years before that through a band we both liked. I started talking to a lot more online and one thing led to another and we ended up together.

Only problem is, we live at the other end of the country to each other (me in NE England, her on the south coast of England). I only really get to see her when my job takes me down to her end of the country or she comes up to visit me. It's the only time I can afford to do it as the job is pretty poorly paid.

We speak most evenings either on the phone or online but I have to admit, my enthusiasm for the relationship has dampened a lot recently. I'm not the most go-getting, pro-active or enthusiastic person at the best of times, but I just don't feel the same way I did when we first started seeing each other.

The truth is, I don't have the urge to move down to her end of the country (very happy living up here) and even if she wants to move up here, I can't see me living with her.

I've got to the point where I do care about her, but I don't love her... certainly not in the way that she loves me. She's always talking about how much she misses me and how many days it is until we next see each other!

I've only really come to this conclusion recently as I received a bit of attention from a girl I work with on a works night out. While I suspect that was the drink doing the talking for her, I realised I was far more attracted to her than my girlfriend. I would never cheat on her though.

It's only recently that these feelings have come about... but that creates a problem. It's almost Christmas and she's due to come up here a few days after the 25th and stay for a week or so. I really don't know what to do. I've already got her presents and I know she's got mine. That doesn't concern me, but I just can't bring myself to do anything before Christmas.

I had a weird (and probably stupid) idea of trying to talk about the future (something we've never done!) over Christmas, and almost drop hints about how I'm feeling. Then to ring her a few days after she's gone back.

I don't know what it is, but this just seems in my head like a cowards way to do it but it's the only realistic idea I have. My birthday and her birthday are in the first few months of the year and I really don't want it dragging out until then.

I still want to be friends with her and we have a lot of mutual friends we still meet up with occasionally. I don't want to make it awkward with them either. I really am stuck what to do... I'm getting so much different advice from my friends too!

I know I need to be honest with her... it's not fair on her and it's not fair on me if I keep it going. She deserves better and someone who can give her the attention she wants and deserves.

Thank you for any advice received in advance.


Kim 4 years ago

You can really tell this article is for the male perspective. Apparently, for men, it's all about getting out of adult responsibilities all the while smelling like a rose. I find it nauseating. The article promotes 'honesty' but often the real truth is that the guy is just a low down dirty dog and player, a perpetual man-child who never wants to grow up and hear, "No little Johnny, you can't be a greedy, selfish pig and have every ice cream in the entire store, you really need to make up your mind and pick one." Now there's the real truth I'd like to hear men admit to! Men need to admit that it's really all about not wanting to grow up, hence, the Peter Pan Syndrome.


desilva0708 4 years ago

Kim your right, Im in a relationship with my partner female for 2years 4months. Every relationship is great at first, and yes there will be stumble blocks along the way. In April 2011 I left my job working as a bus driver, not really a job I wanted to do with my life. Long hours lates, early start and different times of starting every day. My partner is an LSA so off in school holidays and well my holidays at work had to be taken when they said so. SOOOOO the change we opened a catering trailer near the depot i worked. At first plenty money came our way, however my V reg 4x4 needed to be replaced and my partners 53plate clio £30 a year tax and nothing wrong with it well that had to be replaced because i was going to get a new car. SOOOOOOo two new cars a V reg Jaguar R type jag and w reg audi A3, what happens next well business drops. Dont blame them the bus drivers the way they see it etc. but hey that life we live and learn. .... Moving on The trailer was sold and I found it difficult to get work, Since then I have become a carrer as my mother suffered from a heart attack and her partner/boyfriend is 95% blind. My real Father passed away in 2002 with a sudden heart attack, yes I still miss him to this day... But what I am getting at here is that i have become very insecure. Why? I ask myself Yes I have called it a day I say I am leaving every time there is an issue BUT I don't... I am ruining our relationship because I feel worthless and taking it out on the one close to me. BUT in truth I have the problem. I read her Christmas cards to staff at work, and found To whoever love from N & S but then two males both of who she speaks found of in the past she writes as above but just from N. I dont get it... Raised this issue tonight she is on a works do, and done to the nines fully shaved fitted dress make-up hair straight. No sex is rare between us, she is in her bubble. AND when asked I should not be looking at these cards and there is nothing in it WHY are you the way you are so distant from me well still no work and little effort to find any for the past six months. Although I have re-applied for the busses three different companies, two jobs at sky and numerous cleaning jobs and a big fat 0. Developed a web sight as a builder did it for 10 years tried it for 6 months no go, pulled the sight down. advert in yell as mechanic mobile get the odd job here and there. Set up a counselling, welfare rights and litigation officer as I have experience and qulified well diploma, still no joy. I try so hard and look after my mother who since having the heart attack has been in hospital 3 times in the last 2 months. I feel bad enough with Christmas coming up, 55.55 a week and my partners wages paying the rent and all the bills £1000 a month. I get where she is coming from and feel i am losing her, but she does not agree we should split and above all that she would do nothing to cheat on me and nothing is going on.Sometimes the pressures of life, lie within ourselves. I am 35 years of age, we make mistakes but the most important thing of all is to learn from them and not go round in circles. No one is perfect and no relationship is without its problems. But hey hold up your hands when you are wrong listen, to what is being said. My name not being on the 2 cards is because she feels that is more personal and freindly so hence only her name. It feels wrong but it is what she says it is. Wish life was easy but it just aint, things are not what the always seem, just the way we see it and sometimes its good to see how other people see it from a different angle. Regards Simon


desilva0708 4 years ago

Any comments or sound advice welcome desilva0708@hotmail.co.uk


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Kim 4 years ago

Hi Simon, I'm very sorry your relationship is on the rocks. At least, that is what I think you said. I know there are plenty of legitimate reasons to break up, I understand that. I almost break up with my boyfriend every week because he can be verbally abusive when he gets angry, which happens a lot over not much, and he is also extremely rigid and inflexible. He feels that I'm too emotional but he knew I was of Italian heritage when we met. I'm American, he's Swiss but I don't know if that has anything to do with anything though. BUT, he is a human being and I have made a committment to him so I stick it out and have for four years. All I'm saying is that it is really twisted behavior when guys just dump women and go from woman to woman just so they can have the new flavor of the month at the ice cream parlor. Yet, I know there are women out there who do the same kind of crap and I'd tell them too that they are wrong.


Soph 4 years ago

my best friend just split up with his girlfriend but the other day he went round his mates house and was dared to kiss her so he did it. he then said he sorta liked her so his best mate asked her out for him and she said yes. Now he regrets it but doesnt know how to dump her...any ideas? URGENTLY NEED HELP.


wishididnthurther 4 years ago

Have been with someone from the other side of the world while she lives here for 3 years and she's gone home for christmas. We've been breaking up for some time, shes been going through the roughest patch of her life and has told me she needs me, so I've found it hard to cut it off. And she means a lot to me too. Now, shes at home with friends and family who can give her support. Should I wait till she comes back, or break up over the phone while she has shoulders to cry on (and vent to) ?

And, for many reasons its definately over.


chris 4 years ago

dat wil definately be a bad xmas package,i suggest u wait plz.


Kevin 4 years ago

Hey Kim. I hope you get over your bitterness. this isn't a male/female thing. This post is geared towards men and a lot of idiots have responded, so I can see where you are coming from.

This is about a partner being unhappy. When someone isn't happy they do try to tell there SO. In varying degrees of bluntness.

In my case, I tried to tell her when she hurt me, it was normally boomeranging back to me. I was being too sensitive, or I was taking the relationship too seriously, or I was being jealous.

Whatever, I wasn't happy with the way she treated me. I wish I would have read this post before I broke up with her. I did so in a mature way. I didn't blame her, I didn't point fingers. I told her I wasn't happy.

Here's where I wasn't prepared...

She came back with the very response warned in the original post... That a relationship is about compromise.... that my reasons were petty. anger, anger anger... Well, that made me second guess my CORRECT choice and I did a 180. I tried to make it work.

Long story short, It caused so much unneeded pain for both of us and now we're not even friends. It caused the relationship to end abruptly and painfully with no good bye and a lot of hurtful things said.

All relationships aren't meant out to be and breakups do happen. Everyone isn't compatible even though the love is there.

Kim. I hope you can get over your bitterness and forgive and move on with your life. I'm almost there!


Kevin 4 years ago

Kim... I didn't read your follow up post before I posted. Maybe bitterness wasn't the right word. It actually sounds like you are in a similar position I was, and that's a shitty place to be.

All I can say is that it's not normal or healthy to be so unhappy WEEKLY that you think about breaking up that much. I know because I was just there.

Don't accept that. Make a move to change that. By either telling your boyfriend that you can't do that any more and something needs to change(be specific) or by simply moving on.

Going through those emotions so frequently to drive you insane. It will change who you are at your core and it will make you lose yourself. Think back to the time before you met him. When you were the charming woman he feel for. Are you that person any more? Weren't you happier when you were?

Life is too short to spend hours of every week in pain.


desilva0708 4 years ago

Totaly agree, they move on from one to the next breaking hearts along the way. Don't worry life has a way of catching up with your actions eventually. They may be young or they maybe older, but eventualy you would like to think they learn from there actions. I've been in a relationship for 10years I cheated and left, but stood by my actions to not go back. I was wrong, very wrong in what I did. Then my next relationship lasted 4 years, and she left me for another man along with our 2 children who I have not seen since, because I do not know where she is. This current relationship i have been in for 3 years,. No matter what happens, it will be the right choice and I will remain single for at least a year or maybe 2. I think those that move around more frequently, seek the desire to be loved or indeed search that love they may or may not of had as a child. I appreciate your response and wish you all the very best in your circumstances,. Culture plays a part on who we are, I discovered this in Psychology and Sociology. I am Portuguese and although she tries to be a part of that culture, it never lasts long and soon reverts to her English ways. This is not a bad thing, its just the way we are programmed. I'm not here to point fingers or say who is right and who is wrong, just needed to talk and get things off my mind. Its helped me move forward, no matter what everything will be ok in the end. Hope you all had a wonderful Christmas, and I wish that you all have a wonderful New Year. Godspeed.


Lost in Austin 4 years ago

Hello All,

I am on the other side of this article. I'm the woman who was "let down easy". He said all the right things and worked with me through all the phases you mentioned.

I just wanted to get a woman's real perspective in here and see what you all thought. So here goes...

We've been together for over seven years. Best friends since the moment we met, business partners a week later, and lovers a couple years down the line. I cared for him a great deal, but he didn't feel that way at first, and I was fine being friends. Especially since during those first two years I was diagnosed with terminally ill cancer. That complicated stuff a bit. He wanted me to move in so he could take care of me. And we did that for a year while he nursed me into good health, refusing to let me die. I got better, despite what every doctor said, despite what the odds were. My best friend saved me.

Then a little down the line he made this grand romantic gesture at a friends wedding proclaiming his love from the rooftops.

Now four amazing and happy years later, he came to me and said that "his love just wasn't as strong as I deserved" that "he didn't feel the love he thought he was supposed to." This the day after he called me his beloved and said just how happy he was.

He said all the right things and held me while I wailed, and bargained and more... But in the end, HE wanted me to STAY. Stay living together, working together, like the last 4 years, of such amazing happiness never happened. Like I could just turn that part of me off. I (in the anger stage) said that I'm an all or nothing kind of deal. But sometimes the person breaking it off will try and bargain too. And its a hard place to be.

The main thing this article doesn't mention.. Is if you are living together, decide on an exit strategy BEFORE you make your big confessions. Because going in unprepared is like sex without protection, messy and could have some serious lifelong complications.

Sometimes the Peter Pan reference holds. Some men and women use loss of feelings or FIND small things about the person to give them a chance to run away. But ladies (and gents), regardless of how you feel or how much disbelief you have... You have to let them go. Sometimes the person whose heart is being broken is the one who has to be the mature adult. The one to figure it all out.

Because if they cant see you for who you are, and your place in their life... Its likely they never will.

As for my sad little tale;

We agreed to take the breakup/dividing of assets on a slow and gradual level in hopes that when it is all over, we can be friends on some small level. And because we have to, we own companies, vehicles and a house together.

The truth is I didn't see it coming, I didn't have family or friends to turn to. So I'm making the best of a bad situation, with the opposed sides' perspective. A Sad peace overwhelms my heart. And I owed him my life.

But I think perhaps a sixth stage is applicable, when dealing with long term relationships and being old enough to know yourself...

This stage being blind existence. Because you know from that moment of acceptance on, that a part of you will always be missing. Can you go on, absolutely... But it will be different. But perhaps that is simply my perspective, as someone who died twice and was saved by the very person who later broke my heart. While I'm glad he was honest... I'm not going to lie and say I don't wish we could have just gone to counseling or found a way to work it out but...

"If you love something, set it free; if it comes backs it's yours, if it doesn't, it never was yours to begin with" -Richard Bach

Thanks for listening.


ytsenoh profile image

ytsenoh 4 years ago from Louisiana, Idaho, Kauai, Nebraska, South Dakota, Missouri

I needed this hub and comments. Thank you.


Justin 4 years ago

My girlfriend was cheating on me. I got tired of her bs, I saw this breakup video and I used it to dump her.

I'm tired of your issues

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QBwB3atU9Gc


George L 4 years ago

I have a relationship 4 years and i am thinking to break up, since last may i think she cheated me as i saw few messages and emails from him and her. she still keeps texting the guy even if we are together and i am hurt cannot continue like that she doesnt admit it ofcourse she is saying he is just a friend but i cannot believe it.I will never say to a friend i miss you and stuff like that when she is with someone else, even after the new year she text him tell that she wishes he was there although i was with her for new year..i am really confused dont know what to do..please advice


Mufftuff 4 years ago

I am dating this girl who is crazy attached to me (uses a lot of "you're the only good thing in my life" kind of talk etc.) She is very pleasant but not the one for me. I want to end it but I am worried it will scar her as I am the first serious relationship she has ever had (I am 22 she is 21) I know that the odds are she will bounce back in time, but she is a very shy and mildly overweight which makes meeting men difficult for her. I really need some reassurance that I am doing the right thing by ending it... please and thanks.


4 years ago

I came across this article while looking up the topic of breakups. My boyfriend and I have been on-again/off-again for the last three years and what makes it so difficult is that I would have no problem staying if only he would make an effort to change some of his habits.

Its very hard to talk to him about things because he loses his temper quickly and I get scared, but I've finally flat out confronted him about those habits and he's not interested in changing them. Its hard to resolve things because either he'll play around and not take me seriously or flat out blow up at me, which makes me panic because he's a little unpredictable, especially when he's been drinking.

With our 20's quickly running out, he's taken it upon himself to decide that we should marry. He's forcing everything and seriously kept me in one spot and proposed over and over until I said okay, so I could finally get up.

I've kept trying to leave on good terms, but he says he will do something to himself. I'm sick and tired of being blackmailed and controlled, but my passive personality got me into this. :/


becauseilive profile image

becauseilive 4 years ago from N.J. Author

@B - I'm sure I don't have to tell you that this does not have the makings of a good relationship. You are obviously already feeling that way in your heart. Normal people don't force you into saying "yes" to a marriage proposal, or toss your feelings aside when you tell him something hurts you. Abuse doesn't just come in physical form. There are many variations and degrees of verbal and EMOTIONAL abuse.

Here is the link that helped me determine that I was indeed involved in a very twisted relationship with my ex: http://abuse101.com/emotionalabuse.html

Your b/f saying that he'll do something to himself is a manipulation. It's a ploy to make you stay. Another great source of strength for me was: http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Physical_Emotional_...

Good luck honey. You deserve better.


jmick 4 years ago

Ok i have an issue similiar to these but I still love this girl, except a girl who meant more to me that moved away and i lost contact with came back into my life. I dont know if i can do it just cause things havent been bad between us, if it wasnt for this other girl emerging in my life again i wouldnt leave her. i ahve become her everything we live together and do everything together, we've been together for 3 years now and i know that it is going to kill her. she is far from her family and honestly does not have alot of friends since she did away with them so she can spend more time with me, i dont know who she would go to to mourn.


MARY 4 years ago

NO PROPLEM U CAN DO WIHT ME


Connor 4 years ago

Been dating my girlfriend now just under a year, with our anniversary next month. We have broken up once, due to me not having my heart in the relationship. I went back in, because I saw how upset she was, and knew I had to make it better. I'm right back to where I was before, but am afriad of the same outcome. I have developed feelings for another girl, but am worried that I'm breaking off something for a possibility. She has talked about the future and when she does, I get an uneasy feeling and just say what she wants to hear. I know, I know. Horrible. Can anyone help me decide what is best to do in my situation?


Andrew 4 years ago

Its bloody tough no matter what you decide, whether you break up the relationship or she does. You still feel like crap. Surely if you break it up you would be relieved but your not........... far from it,, you start thinking back and regretting things and thinking of things you could have done to resolve it, Madness.

I have just come out of a 7 year relationship because of unhappiness and need some freedom etc, only 5 days ago and already wish I hadn't but soon as i go back (because ive done this 4 times now) I feel i want to get away again. can't bloody win...............


RivieraBeluga 4 years ago

I need some advice too, I'm on the otherside of a guy who doesn't dare to tell his ex (he calls her his ex) it's really over. He keeps postponing the inevitable because he says he is dead scared of what she might do to herself. She is in AA and frankly a misery to be around, ok his words not mine. There is no doubt between this man and me that we're meant to be, from the first moment we met we knew we wanted to be with each other for the rest of our lives. However even if this is true I'm concerned about him saying he thinks it will be best he just lets the other relationship fizzle out by avoiding her, which he is doing. It's like waiting on a ticking time bomb. I know she is going to find out about us the hard way if he can't find the courage, he can't even keep me his secret as I think he told nearly all of his friends and family. It's going to bomb really soon and I'll be right in the middle of it. We havnt slept with eachother yet out of respect for her feelings but it's kind of hypocritical to say we are really keeping a tab on things. I think I just really need to find a way for her to 'get it' because the longer he waits now the worse it will be for all of us. How can I make him understand that avoiding is going to be harder in the long run.


George L 4 years ago

I have a relationship 4 years and i am thinking to break up, since last may i think she cheated me as i saw few messages and emails from him and her. she still keeps texting the guy even if we are together and i am hurt cannot continue like that she doesnt admit it ofcourse she is saying he is just a friend but i cannot believe it.I will never say to a friend i miss you and stuff like that when she is with someone else, even after the new year she text him tell that she wishes he was there although i was with her for new year..i am really confused dont know what to do..please advice


jeff 4 years ago

i am/have been in a commited relationship for 3 years during most of those 3 years i have had little to no money she began prostituting herself 2 months ago she told me she started doing this one month ago. i am in loe with her she says she loves me and that all that is done as soon as i can take care of her again.its just fucked up cause she says she has people that offer take care of her but i want to be with you. ive told her go and do that if its what you want i get little to no attention since this has began i dont know what to i never knew she could be like this.its killing me that any one with enough cash at the time can have the woman that i have given my all to for years and sacrificed alot to make her happy can go off and do that to me.i need some kind of real advice not shes a whore forget her imagine if that whore was the woman that you want to spend your life with and grow old with


Jamescy 4 years ago

I'm a girl and was "dumped" 6 months ago by my ex. Funny thing is she's transgender, so she dresses and acts like a man but is a woman. Anyways we hooked up fast due to our heat of the moment. We went through a lot together, she had a lot of family problems and I was always there for her on the other line since we live two states away from one another. During out 9 months relationship we had a few problems here and there. She couldn't show that she loved me enough and we had a lot of problems with that. I would tell her how much she means to me and etc but she rarely ever said a word about her feelings to me. I guess she just "assumed" that I know whic gets pretty hard to do so after a little while. We tried working it out 3-4 times and just when I thought we were getting better, I left for a trip with my club and came back to be dumped by her. She told me she didn't love me anymore and that she wanted to break up because she was having feelings for someone else online. I was hurt, I was angry because I honestly gave our relationship everything I got. I only begged her once to reconsider and afterwards I stopped and let her go. We never talked again. Honestly I was just really disappointed in her that she gave up when it got tough. But I'm glad we broke up because honestly I deserved someone way better than her and I'm glad she never came back and I never went back. We don't talk anymore mainly because I am still hurt by what she did, she honestly really betrayed my trust and I'm just shocked to have discovered that she was capable of replacing me with someone else who didn't even bother to care for her. I know it must have hurt her through our break up too but honestly I felt like I was more in pain. It took me 6 months to even consider being in a new relationship again, she hooked up with a random stranger barely a month after we broke up and claimed to be prior our break up that she wanted to be "alone". I am still very disapointed in her and I don't want to bother ever contacting her again and meetig each other on good terms. Some people don't deserve that at all. Sorry but I just had to put out the perspective of the person who is being broken up with...


Ralph 4 years ago

Whenever a female wants to change me or just HAS to be so damn nosey about my business, its time to break up. I'm always honest by telling her I don't want to be changed/my business is none of yours, they are not secrets. If you had just butted out we could still be together. Trust me, if you stay in a relationship with the above-mentioned type of girlfriend, you will only be miserable. I made the mistake of staying with women like that in the past and it was pure hell. Women, don't try to change your man or always have to know everything about his business and maybe he'll put a ring on your finger. Prince Charming does not exist and that frog will not turn into a prince. Accept it or start collecting cats.


thomas 4 years ago

I am in a relationship that started out with lust but grew into love. we moved together because of necessity. she lost her job and had no place to go. Moving together was a huge mistake now I feel responsible for her. I don't want to see her in the streets but the living arrangments are becoming very strained. I can afford to move out but that will leave her in a bad way. I want this relationship to be done. We found that our fundamental goals just aren't compatible. In the beginning neither of us thought it through. now I feel unhappy and stuck and I just don't know how to just leave. I rationalize that she is an adult and should take responsibility for herself but in the back of my mind I still fell like I'd be a jerk to leave at this time. She says we can be friends and stay together as roommates but that line gets blurred so much with sex. its a big mess and all I want is out. I want her out and I don't think I'd miss her when she does go. I've given her time to find a job but nothing has come up for her. How do I get out.


Dumped and Needy ex 4 years ago

I'll bet he's been reading this post then.

Me and my ex have been split up for 2 weeks now. I should be well on my way to recovery but am not even halfway there. I always tell myself that he won't be thinking anywhere as much of me as I do of him-certain charecteristics I have he couldnt handle so in the end I had to hear the dreaded words 'I love you but....' after months of 'perhaps if I move you closer when we have the money' and 'want to see you more'. I'd have to say this is the shortest of fully blown realtionships I have had but it is by no means the most hurtful in the way it ended. I still do want him back even though it will not be frutiful in the long run. One day I will look at this post and laugh, I really hope to anyway. We hear and see advice of 'No Contact' everywhere as a tactic to get them chasing us back but frankly speaking, that doesn't happen, not in his case anyway. It is very hurtful to see the truth in front of you, reading this article as the subject to let down, knowing that someone loves you but just not in that way any longer but it does help gain some perspective. It's alot more helpful than the 'wait for them to chase you' columns which demean the person to a Madam Butterfly and Pinkerton status. I don't intend to wait even though I will not forget.


Jake 4 years ago

I am junior in college currently dating a girl that i have a history with and i need advice badly. we started dating last fall but it ended after 4 months because she cheated on me with her ex and stayed with him. I was crushed but eventually moved on. after not speaking for 2 months, we got back together and everything was great for 3 more months. then i left to study abroad and we decided to do long distance. After a month being gone she told me she "kissed" one of my good friends when she was drunk and that she felt terrible. I forgave her and since then everything has been perfect. I could live with a kiss.

when i returned to school everything seemed fine except for when i felt awkward being around the 2 of them at the same time (parties etc..) I settled things with my buddy for "kissing" her (he needed 14 stitches) but we were normal enough to the point where i was happy. BUT, after a few weeks being back at college, his roomates/my closest friends sat me down and told me the truth about what happened. She had had sex with my friend back while i was gone and lied to me about it for 4 months. I called her out for it and she admitted everything. I broke up with her on the spot and she is absolutely devistated. She doesnt understand why something that happened 4 months ago while i was gone should ruin something so special now. She says she loves me more now then ever and that she has never loved somebody more in her life than right now. I feel like the last 4 months shouldnt have even happened because i surely would have ended it back then if i knew the truth. But, now i am so happy and she is the most important person in my life. It has now been 3 days and we havent spoken. I said i needed some time to figure out if i can get over it but i hate not speaking to her.

Now she is absolutely a mess. She has always been insecure even though she is beautiful and has battled mental health issues dating back to middle school. But, she has not shown any signs of these since we got back together 7 months ago. Basically, neither of us have ever been happier. Now I am worried she might do something stupid and go back to her old ways if i keep this up and I feel terrible for breaking her heart. I still care about her very much.

After reading all of this (sorry for the length) is there any advice you can give me? I havent told anybody besides my close friends that we're even broken up because i am embarrassed to tell them why (they dont know the full story either). And i think if nobody knows then if i do take her back it will not be as difficult to get back to normal. My thought now is to end it. Cheat on me once shame on you, twice shame on me. But like all things, its not that simple.


jamie 4 years ago

Heyy. I've been with my girlfriend for nearly 5 years and I'm only 19. When we got together it was the best day of my life and we have had some great times but since turning 17/18 I have obviously been going out drinking with friends and stuff I have attracted attention from other women/girls and my girlfriend is obviously becoming get possessive and jealous. She texts and rings me every hour of every day!! She turns up out of the blue at my house and I don't want to be with her anymore. I really do love her but our relationship has changed. We are both still so young and I think the time has come to split. I have tried to split Afew times but she gets so upset and it kills me. She screams and cries and says her life isn't worth living etc. what do I do?


xyzpluszyx 4 years ago

i got married recently .but my wife she is not letting anyone to know about this marriage except her parents and brothers and sister. she is hiding her relation with friend and with her near relatives . any one can suggest me whats colud be the reason .i am living in canada. she lives in north africa.


Frank 4 years ago

Im in a 11 month relationship and my girlfreid loves me to death and allways talking about our future and kids and house and stuff, im 18 and shes about to be 16. About three months ago i kissed two random chicks at a party and fingered one of them, ever since then i feel like ive been losing my love for her, i really used to love her alot and i still do, but i just dint know if i should stay with it or leave, ive been having lots of thoughts of my life bein better or more fun without her, and get a funner girlfreind that is older, but idk...


DT1592796 4 years ago

To Jake and Jaimie: I hate to tell you that the both of you are like captains of sinking ships, the question is do you intend to save the ship you love? go down with it like a good captain would? or perhaps, place it in the care of someone who might have a better chance of saving it? I think that each of you may want to consider talking to your girlfriend's parents or trusted friend about the possible breakup in hope that you can have them prepare to take care of your ex in your absence, just be prepared too for a slap on the face or a punch on the nose. Love hurts-- this is no exception.

Frank: If you really want out, just tell her you've been cheating on her. Your girlfriend deserves better and you owe her the decency to the truth. I hope you will grow up and wise up (you're definitely NOT ready for marriage), you're giving a bad rep for all men.


hatingLife 4 years ago

Good to know I'm not the only one in this situation. Broke up with my girl of 3 years and now shes sending her new boyfriend after me. I dont blame her because I know shes hurt but I was hoping we could still be friends. Giving up on relationships.


adil elouardi 4 years ago

hey im adil just i want to say love in this world its jaust game in this life you must be lonely just like me just listel to music and forget the world


Irion 4 years ago

That's awesome these comments are still rolling after four years!

I'm approaching my two year anniversary with my wife, in total we've been together something like five years. Living together for the past two years though has just killed everything for me somehow. She gets angry when I touch her so we don't sleep together any more or really have any closeness of any kind, which is one of the biggest problem for me. She works 20 hours a week to stay under my insurance (I work 50-60 hours a week) so has become abnormally lazy and falls asleep on the floor after dinner every night for a few hours, then is grumpy when she wakes up. She's always in her pajamas, has gained weight, and talks about random negative trivia all night that I get yelled at if I don't focus and respond to while acting interested, but has no interest in any of the subjects I like to talk about, or anything to say on them.

It's really just turned into leisure for her and stress for me. I'm not interested in cheating so I'm just basically sexless and pent up for no good reason.

Unfortunately her family is really nice and has helped me out on several occasions, and our marriage is part of the reason I was able to live and get a job in this country, so I feel indebted into suffering the relationship out for her dream of children (something I have no interest in). I have brought up my distraught 2-3 times over the past few months and she went straight to hyperventilation crying which is not at all fun to watch... I suppose in the near future I'll bring up the subject of children again, I didn't know it was assumed that I understood that was extremely important to her... I'm just afraid to get the snowball rolling because her family is not going to be happy, and with us living together it will take some time and frustration to separate her mountains of things from my two suit cases worth of clothes and a computer. That and she's not inherently a bad person, and I want to be a good person, and not hurt anyone if possible, but I'm hurting myself, a lot, in exchange =/

It will be harder living without her help in this foreign country but my body has been showing various signs of stress and bad health I'm so unhappy with our situation. I have to place not only my health, but my happiness above her long term goal of having kids with someone... she used to make me say that I love her, but never did herself as she commanded =o=

I make her sound worse than she is but I'm with her 24/7 and we have almost zero physical contact, it's exhausting with no rewards. any insight would be most welcome.


DT1592796 4 years ago

Irion: if you both love each other and yet neither one of you are happy, it is time you two have a long talk especially if you plan on having children at one point.

Children deserve to be born into this world happy; if the parents secretely are miserable, how do you think it will affect the child?

If things cannot be fixed, then the two of you can perhaps discuss parting ways before wasting more of each other's time. Be prepared for difficult times ahead.


Pete 4 years ago

I just wanted to say thank you for the article, and I couldn't agree more that its awesome the comments are still rolling after 4 years.

I'm planning to break up with my Girlfriend, we've been together about as long as the article has been around. We graduated college and moved to different states afterwards, with plans to move closer together in the near future. Things have just gotten to the point that we've been grown very apathetic, and while I do love her tremendously, I'm really just not in love with her anymore.

Anyways, I thought the article was great, the practical nature of the advice was exactly what I needed. Still not looking forward to it though :/


Will 4 years ago

I'm 16 and my gf is 15 we go to different schools and barely see each other, I also have interests in another women do what to do.Last time we broke up she kept crying and I felt like an asshole so we got back together


Will 4 years ago

Fail post before :/

I'm 16 and my gf is 15 we go to different schools and barely see each other, I also have interests in another women and idk what to do.Last time we broke up she kept crying and I felt like an asshole so we got back together :/


DT1592796 4 years ago

Staying in a dead relationship will ruin your life and that of your partner. Either fix it or end it because life is too short to be spent with someone whom you do not like to be with.


hatingLife 4 years ago

Hey will, I was in the same situation before. I tried breaking up with my girl after dating for a year but she started crying everytime I brought up the subject of spending time apart. How I wish I had stood my ground. I took her back cuz I couldn't see her cry. Now she broke up with me after 3 years and destroyed me by dating my best friend. If you arent happy in the relationship just tell her that. Otherwise it can't end well.


bird 4 years ago

Hi,

I'm in this situation but its completely turned round. I have been with my boyfriend for 7.5 years and we've lived together for 5. I am no longer happy in the relationship, but I can't pinpoint why, I just think there is more out there for me, and I no longer feel any physical attraction towards him. I have told him I'm not happy and I think its not going to work. He has made me feel so guilty that I have agreed to try and fix it for a couple of months, but I know deep down it won't work. He just keeps saying I'm destroying his life, i've been using him for money, somewhere to live etc, the debt we have is down to me, I've made him look like a cock, because everything he does is for us. He also thinks it is all down to the fact that I have been working towards a promotion and once work settles it'll be okay, but when I'm at work I don't want to rush home. because of the ties and debt, it is impossible for me to just turn my back and walk away. Any idea's???????


DERP 4 years ago

ive been best friends with this girl since 1st grade! up until this year we were just friends, but 4 months ago we decided to try taking it to the next step. now that were starting to plan for college i realize it was dumb, and that over the next four years we'll grow pretty distant (she's going to Boson, im going to Idaho..). any tips on how to tell her this in the nicest way possible? i dont want to ruin an 11 year friendship...


Sarah 4 years ago

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Guest what every body, i am getting married next Month.... please if you have any problem do not hesitate to contact him.

Do not loose your love one, do not waste time because you are afraid, contact Dr. Dova so that he can help you, he is the greatest spell caster i have ever seen with time being email him now: Dovasagawhitemagictemple@yahoo.com or visit his website

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NURU 4 years ago

How about just running away ?

i seriously try to break up with my GF so hard.

I said lets break up i think we dont match, she say ok and when i come back home and prepare to move out she say hug me dont go. After that she go in her room watch TV

I said i want sex with other girls im totally wrong for u, she say ok and same thing happen again. I cheat on her let her find out she go crazy i say u see lets break up please. She say no why break up is not her fault why she must be punished.

She is mean to me most of the time im not happy with her i beg her lets make a cut i give u money just let me go, she say no. One day she angry said she kill me if i leave her or she will do bad things to me.

I sleep in the Other room make Peace with her just that she keep stoping fighting with me.

One day she Push me we start fighting first day in my life i really punish a Girl ( very hard, no blood but hell ya i use force to keep her down)

Later she say u punished me u are nothing, I tell her ya u right lets break up please please let me go. Its getting worse i can feel it. we are like good Friends i feel she is not that smart and she dont work and i know i leave her she got finacial trouble. Is not that she cant work she just dont want.

So ya here is the plan im waiting for the day she go out without me ( what happen 1 time a months if im lucky) then i will take my Computer my Few personal things and run. Just run to a Hotel i leave her some money on the table. I change my Mobile nr e-mail FB acount Buisness website, I will become a ghost. Untraceable. And prey she get a new BF in a week or 2 who pay her rent.

Its not i hate her I just dont love her and I want find somebody I can really love.


John 4 years ago

I got a lot from this and there's a lot of things to be said but one thing that's quite relevant in my mind is in relation to something mentioned in the article. You do not have to go your separate ways, sure it's going to take time to get used to each other again, but it doesn't mean you can't salvage a relationship, the only thing that's getting in the way once you've adapted to seeing them in person and being ok with it, is mind over matter.

Furthermore, contrary to popular belief, break up's don't always have to be messy and angry. If your both in a position where you've realized that it's not working because there's a lack of commitment on one end or it turned out to be something other than what you both thought, then the logical and most healthy choice for both is to break it off, but that's no reason to get dramatic, storm off and never talk again. People seem to have crazy angry auto-reactions to the term 'break-up', if you take it easy and listen to each other and be civil, it'll go a lot smoother. Trust me.


John 4 years ago

That was meant to be *You do not have to go your separate ways, sure it's going to take time to get used to each other again, but it doesn't mean you can't salvage a friendship


unknowntointernet 4 years ago

i am breaking up with my girlfriend monday, she cancelled on me friday. i felt left out and cried. she would rather hang with friends then go to a damn dance with me. can somoen help me with that?


Onmyway 4 years ago

This is for advice on how to break up with women. Why are there women on here? More importantly, why are there women on here attempting to point the finger acting like your a psychologist? You're the perfect example of why some of these men want out. They(we) come for advice not a lecture on eh we're wrong. You have no history on the relationships and yet, you act like you know what your talking about.


unknown to internet 4 years ago

i know. i am looking for advice. why make me feel bad? so what she is my first


unknown to internet 4 years ago

i might be a little sensetive, but i need help! i use to be heartless!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


4 years ago

Thanks for this, it really has helped me a lot. However, my situation is a little different, and I would really appreciate it if people took their time to read and give me some real advice. I know the internet should be the last place to ask people for serious things, but I'm sure my friends have no experience in what I'm going through.

Anyways, my gf of 4 years have been great. It was your typical beauty and the beast love story. She was/still is an angel, would do anything and everything for me, especially those big little things. I on the other hand was the complete opposite. I slowly started to calm down and was able to slowly match her feelings. However, in year 2, I was contemplating deeply whether or not I should stay with her. My friends looked at me as if I was crazy. "What? She does everything for you, you can't find that anywhere else", "After all the things she's done for you? you crazy?". So for another 2 years I held on with her. These 4 years was also my 4 years in university, so I theorize that part of the reason I have been sticking to her is that I really never had the time to think about these things. Now that I'm only a few months done, I feel like I'm doubting my feelings.

If there was an objective description of "perfect gf/wife" it would be her. However, I don't think I love her genuinely. I think I just love the things she does for me and that I've grown accustomed to her.

2 years ago when I arrived to the same conclusion, my downfall was waiting for the "right time". At that time it was near x-mas, so I told myself that I didn't wana ruin her x-mas so I delayed it, then I didn't wana start her new year with a break up, then I didn't wana ruin valentines day, then I didn't ruin her birthday, then her exam time, then... I just backed out and here we are.

So now, I don't know when and where to break up with her. I'm also scared how she might deal with it. I don't want her to stop showing up to work, or to mess up at work (she works in the hospital, and people could potentially die or get hurt badly if she messes up). I'm at a point where my worry is how her family, family friends, and other friends will react if I break up with her. And the thought of that scares me.

Theres also that scenario where I will want her back. So then what? Do I crawl back to her? What if she won't take me back? What if I can't find someone else?

Please help, I've been sleepless for a few nights


to B 4 years ago

IDK your personal situation with her emotionally, but she seems like a great person. If you are physically attracted to her and emotionally attracted to her, THEN STAY. Too many people nowadays just bust out of relationships because of one or 2 bumps, however big. Every relationship will have bad bumps. The only way to get thru them is to stay. You can't expect anyone to be perfect and nothing to happen or for things to fix themselves. She sounds like a great catch and very caring. I think if you are afraid of losing her, you know shes something good, and why blow it? because there MIGHT be someone better? From the sounds of it you probably haven't gotten a chance to know alot about her or spend too much time with her. like i said idk. I would put in some extra effort for a bit longer and take some real time on your relationship now that you have the time, instead of pussing out. I recently broke up with my gf. We have been going thru a very bad patch lately constant fights, she was always saying i don't do such and such for her emotionally. i have tried to work on this for so long it didn't get better. The final straw was she said to me "if you can't do this for me emotionally, i'm just gonna end up finding it in someone else and distancing myself from you". and this is coming from a girl who already cheated on me and left me for the guy for a month, he got bored and she came running back to me. And i stupidly took her back because she was my first love, physically and emotionally. Now when you have a situation like that, break up with your gf. If this isn't your type of situation, man-up and work on the relationship out of RESPECT for her investing so much into you. If you then think in a month or 2s time that its not going anywhere after really trying to connect with her then just do it. because then you are wasting a great persons time and affection when she could be giving it to the right person. and if you know she treats you good and you leave her, just don't go back unless she asks. you'll look like a fool, because from what u said you sound like one.


to B 4 years ago

btw stop thinking about breaking up so much while your trying to fix things if that's what you try to do. I managed to pull another year out of my relationship my just clearing my head of negative feelings about the relationship and focusing on what good things we did have. I was in love with her again for a good period of time, but i think we are just growing apart now. we want different things out of life and we both know that. it may have been why we treated each other so bad. if shes a great person you don't want to think about losing her, its the worst. you want to KNOW in your heart that leaving her is the best for both of you and you did what you could, that way there is nothing to regret. hope i helped you and maybe others


4 years ago

I just dont wana stay with her because its convenient or that she babies me. She could be with someone else who can actually genuinely return her love


DT1592796 4 years ago

To B:

There is a difference between being there because you have to and because you want to. Your girlfriend deserves to be with someone who actually wants to be with her rather than feeling obligated. She wants someone to love her rather than to owe her.

Don't just suck it up and maintain the act; because say ten years down the road, when you and your girlfriend are already married to each other with kids, she then finds out that you were all that time just a shell because you really weren't in love iwth her, she will really hate you for wasting the prime of her life and now you are stuck with each other. You too should hate yourself for wasting your own time.

Don't run away from the problem, you won't be doing neither you nor your girlfriend any favours. Take some time off from the relationship to clear your head. You might feel like an asshole and if you tell her what you think she will no doubt agree that you are one. But you'd be a even bigger asshole for wussing up; It is bad enough that you have wasted 2 years of her life because you 'feel bad for her' don't make it a life sentence.

Rather than thinking of maintaining a dying relationship you should consider saving the people in it from a miserable future. The two of you may be both great people but just cannot be great together. Try to mix lemonade with chocolate milk. By being together, you probably figured out what your girlfriend is, maybe you need some time to figure out what you are.

The time-off, soul-searching, will be perceived as a break-up and you just have to accept the possiblity that she may find someone else in your absence. She deserves to be happy and if you find out that it is not you shes happy with, you need to accept it as something not meant to be.

And in the unlikely event that you get back together after the whole ordeal, then please, treasure her this time.


4 years ago

Thank you so much strangers on the internet


Jonn 4 years ago

My girlfriend scares me. we've been together for 7 months and im just fed up. She is way too insecure, waaay too jealous, clingy and needy. she doesnt give me room to breathe. she will flip if i dont reply to her texts for a few hours when im busy. I have tried breaking up 3 times but my nice side just kept hanging. During arguments via TEXTS she goes ballistic and says things like "because of you i cant sleep. I feel like dying. im in so much pain i think im gonna die. i wish i die and not live through this." i feel like if i break up with her she will kill herself. Not only that, but i fear she might be pregnant because sometimes she says Shes nauseaus and throws up in the mornings. But her insecure and jealous and way too equal personality pisses me off. im 21 and need to be out enjoying my life but im tied to this psycho. I need serious help with this. The sad thing is, i do really like her when she isnt being a bitch. But ive just cant be committed to her and sure as hell dont see us being married or anything.


4 years ago

Thank you so much strangers on the internet. So i finally did it last night and it couldnt have been any worse. Instead of my trying to console her i was the one who cried more first and while breakjng her heart she was still the one holding back her tears and wiping away mine. This girl truly loved me and i wonder why i dont love her back shen shes all what every guy wants. I took the last two years to try and develop feelings for her but it was only temporary. Now i feel like if we really are meant to be it would have to be me finding myself first. Ive been dumped many times in the harsher way before but i never knew doing the breaking wohld be 100 times worst.


Happy76723 4 years ago

Most of these postings represent a sad testament to the erroneous definition of love people in the country seem to hold. Love is not some feeling or how good it is in bed or a quest to find what makes your life happy. It's about a commitment and if people really want a life defined by a merry go round of wasted relationships breaking up because they no longer feel like they are in love then I guess the advice on this blog is for you.


tim7000 4 years ago

Hi my name is Tim, i am 17 and i have been dating a girl since 4 months.We have been good friends for 1 year..even friends we had some feelings for each other.That was how it all started..When we started to date each other everything was fine and we were very happy.we spent good times together..we made many promises together..we will get married,have 2 children even decided the colour of our bedroom..just to show you that it was very very serious between us.then we started to argue on every thing everyday but still we were still happy together.now i want to leave her because i am quite fed up with her and secondly because i like another girl..but there is another problem she is of the type to cry,not eat for days,cut her hands(she did it once) and i dont want her to be hurt because of me.i doubt the other girl likes me and i if break up with her will i be happy??i know only me can answer this but my brain is not woring right now!i already broken one girl's heart and some of my friends dont like me anymore!!if i break her heart will it be selfishness???will i regret it one day???what do i do???i am sorry my english is not too good!!but i know i have said the essential and expect at least you guys to tell me what to do!!


DT1592796 4 years ago

If you are thinking of marriage at some point, the state of your relationship will reflect the future of your home and family. If there is something wrong with the relationship, don't pretend that everything is okay. This is the time to either make things work through mutual communication, mutual compromises (and maybe throw in a few appologies, hugs and kisses from time to time), or cut your losses instead of letting things get even deeper, otherwise more people will get hurt -- children being born into dysfunctional families are testaments to my statement.

Nobody has a crystal ball to the future, all that anyone can hope for is to be able to look back at their decisions without regrets. We all hope that there is a win-win situation for everyone but in life you just can't please everybody all the time; sometimes you just have to stop worrying about what other people might say and do what you feel is right. But in order to do that you must be willing to accept any consequence which your actions may bring.

In addition, if someone decides on leaving for prospect of greener grass on the other side, I wouldn't stop them because they cannot appreciate what they have and would only blame their significant other for their unhappiness while still in the relationship. As matter of fact, I think that such break-ups are good because the unappreciated partner is then free to find someone more deserving.

Furthermore, I think that the original post on this hubpage was written with the understanding that most couples do not break up to hurt each other but rather are trying not to hurt one another any further. This is about damage control when nothing else works.

On a last note, nothing good comes easy -- Harmony requires maintenance. When you expect, how much did you put in? When you receive, how much do you appreciate?

People often expect too much and appreciate too little.


tim7000 4 years ago

hey man thanks a lot for your advice,it helped me a lot!!i learnt one thing from that:love people who loves you and not those who don't even care about you


Unhappy123456 4 years ago

Iwe been in a relationship for 2 years now. We had our ups and our downs, but as time passes I grow more and more unhappy with this special person because of unknown reasons. I love her because she is here for me many times, but I hate her flaws and her will to fight me on everything. I hate to argue and fight with her, but we always find a reason. On each side. Im just so unhappy with her, but she is the most beautifull thing in my world and I know I will never find a girl like her again. Sry just wanted to share


MJG 4 years ago

guyz guyz guyz plz the ratio for women and men is 50:1 repectively so chill leave and move on :)


Guyz I want 2hear ur view if wat I did was right or wrong. I love my guy so much but he does not love me enough he wants me 2 av his baby cos he is travelling &he feels d baby will b a bond between u 4 years ago

Yomi.


Julie 4 years ago

I am Julie from the U.K...I never believed in spell powers until I read a testimony of a spell caster that helped someone restored his home and I got the contact of this spell caster from his testimony and mailed him.Me and my guy has been in love for a year now and we planning to get married until his parents told us that our wedding will not be possible due to the religion difference and they planning to give him a wife already.I explained this to the spell caster and he helped me cast a very strong spell that changed his parents mind completely and love me even more than before.People with similar problem can contact the spell caster on ayelalashrine@gmail.com


Z Smith 2224 4 years ago

@Unhappy123456

exact same scenerio, amazing. we are a good seven years deep however... its tearing me apart.


@Z Smith 4 years ago

It is always the same old story for the fights. One thinks she is not appreciated and the other feels unjustly misunderstood/blamed. And before you know it we throw blames on each other when all we are trying to do are to 'justify' our position.

Take a step back and forget about winning the argument of who is right. Nobody is really looking to be right in such fights; even if you're 'right' doesn't make you the winner.

Instead of going on the defensive bearing your claws and fangs, why not try to listen and see what may have caused the misunderstanding?


Eddy 4 years ago

my testimony all thank to TEMPLE OF AYELALA i was in love with a girl named Rita i was in deepening in love with her i have treed my best to get her, on still i meant this man named Dr moon expending eventing thing to he, him toed me that my problem is solve but i ask him her is that possible him toed me that i shod not worry again that my problem is over than he cast a spell on her to love me supplier she fowl in love with me so i us very happy she is back to me thank you email to contact him EMAIL:ayelalashrine@gmail.com


Mr. Vazquez 4 years ago

For all you guys that are broken hearted this is the guide to the perfect break...

Written by Mr. Vazquez

Perfect Break Up: Over Text

I hate the fact that I have to see you slip away, this easily. I hate the fact that you would walk away from me without trying to change my mind, but mainly I hate the fact that it had to end like this, with so much unsaid but I guess I'm just gonna have to get used to not looking at you the same way I did. You weren't ready and I don't blame you. I still have a lot to learn and so do you, I'm really going to miss you. I won't hold a grudge against you, I never meant to get so attached to you, I never wanted to hurt you I was just helping you see your mistakes. I'm sorry I let this go on for so long. In my mind you were the right one but I wasn't. You want to be single and talk to a lot of guys, you want to have fun. I want someone to stick with but not in the sense of clinginess, I want someone that won't be afraid to show me they like me in front of their friends, I want someone that won't have to think twice about her feelings toward me. I want someone that will fall head over heals for me without being scared that I'd cheat or hurt her. I want someone that will admit to making mistakes and try to better themselves. I'm sorry for overreacting sometimes, I was so afraid to lose you to somebody else. I'm sorry if I asked for more than you could give. I'm sorry for not accepting you for who you are, sorry for trying to change you. It'll be a struggle to get over you and yeah, I'll regret letting you go and not fighting for you but I've done enough of that and you never put an effort into getting me back. That hurt, because you made it seem like I meant so much to you when it really wasn't that big of a deal. You had a small crush on me, I was ready to do anything to get you back. I got my hopes up so high! You'll think of me as a player, liar, and so much more. And I wish it wasn't like that but I can't change anything about the way you think of me. I'll remember you as one of the sweetest girls I've ever met, you made me smile, you made me mad, you made my stomach drop, I just realized how much I'm gonna miss you.(put in amazing memorize you had with her). Memories are the only things that never change when everything around us does and I might forget what you said, but I'll never forget how you made me feel. I don't blame you for getting hurt because I took the risk and decided who was worth the while. After all, I'm not so sad about this. I'm glad that for once in my life you made me the happiest I could ever be and put colors in my life even if it was just for a while. You're such an interesting person, you're so funny, cute, and beautiful. I'm going to miss you so much. Maybe, you'll never open up to me and make me realize how you made me feel, and I won't realize how much shit I've put you through. I seriously don't know if I'm hurting you, you're such a strong-willed person but speaking up and showing your emotions would be so much easier. I just wanted to know you cared enough to show me in person not in text like always. I'm sorry we can't be friends. I can't go from pouring out my feelings to you and liking you so much to just plain old friends, I just can't because then I'll never move on. Maybe someday when this is all over and I've moved on, we can be friends. You don't know what I'm feeling right now. It's not easy to let go but I know it's time to stop trying and move on. But you know what they say: Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.


Niceguy71 4 years ago

I just wanted to say that you gave great advice. Thank you for your help in doing something that was really tough but which needed to be done.


Harry333 4 years ago

I want to break up with my girlfriend as all we do is fight but the thing is I'm hooked to her because she is 8 months pregnant with twins and I'm 23 and She's only 19 is age difference a problem? I was wondering if I should or should leave my girlfriend because as anyone else in this situation probably just wants the best for the child and I know that if I stay with her then the babies won't have a very good life as I will be fighting with there mummy!! Is there anyway I could still leave her but see my children's in a way that works well ? Any help is much appreciated thanks


john 4 years ago

its been over a year that i am in a relationship with a girl in USA. im living in UK and basically we're having distance relationship...im really sick and tired of my Facebook status but not having her in my hug...the problem is she is really really nice and she always tries to make me happy and she does and she behave the way i like her to be... unfortunately her parents were divorced and she was also raped at age of 9 so mentally she need someone to rely on...all these situation scares me off so much saying i wanna break up but in the other hand im not really happy with my relation...i need people suggestion..what shall i do ? what is the nicest way of doing it ?


michael 4 years ago

i just broke up with my girlfriend last thursday, I did not know about this site, and i stumbled upon it today and read it, coincidentally I did this flawlessly and I havent spoken to her, btw, a good way to trade things without there being an issue or chance at a spontaneous crazy sex session that stalls the break-up another 5 months; just have her pack up your stuff at her place and you bring her things to her on a day when she will be gone for a good chunk of the day and leave all her things in there and leave the key on a nice farewell letter :) im happily single now and enjoying not answering to anyone. I know she is upset, but I also know that most women bounce back and normally become much better in life to prove to the one who broke their heart that they are worth it.. so in a way you could be doing them a favor.


Donovier 4 years ago

Hey guys. I'm writing this mainly to vent, but if anyone has any advice, I would be very grateful. I dated this girl, on and off, for about 4 years. When I first started dating her in late 2007, my heart burned for her. Sometimes, we would spend nearly an entire 24 hour period on the phone talking. We would nearly have arguments trying to figure out what we would ever have an argument about. After the first 6 months, we had an issue. She lived with her mother, and I had my own place. Sometimes, she would spend the night at my apartment, and she claimed that she loved it. One day, her mother said that she did not approve of her spending the night at my place. If she and I were not of age, this would not have been an issue, but she and I were very much adults. Long story short, she decided to resign to her mother's wishes. Although I did not get angry with her, I did get very quiet for the rest of the day. She asked me what was wrong, and I told her that I was disappointed. Since she chose not to spend the night anymore, I drove her back home. That night, I called her, and we had an argument because she accused me of trying to come between her and her family! I considered this ridiculous. I told her that if she did not want to spend the night anymore, then I understood, but that my problem was that she was allowing her mother to make decisions for her (to this day, she still defends her position in this matter). Starting thr next day, she rarely answered the phone for me. It was hard for me to deal with because her behavior was so different from what I was accustomed to from her. Soon later, I found out that she was reinitiating contact with old boyfriends and guy friends who had past crushes on her. Although we tried many times to work things out, all that suspicious behavior caused me to have serious trust issues with her. Just when I was trying to start trusting her again, I found out that she cheated on me about 2 years ago. Given, I did have an emotional thing with a woman about a year ago. Although we didn't have sex, I did spend a lot of time with her. During that time, my girlfriend and me were going through the same problems as always, and it felt good to have conversation with a woman who actually enjoyed spending time with me. I broke off the relationship with my girlfriend a week ago. We have been broken up before, but this time, I have not called her at all. I've decided, this time, to focus on working through the post-relationship emotions until I am ok again. Even though it has only been a week, it has been really hard. Sometimes I start thinking about the good times that we had. I think about her laugh, her smile, her sense of humor, and how she made me feel whenever she was sad. I chose this course because, my relationship with her has always been based on possibly getting married in the future. How can I marry someone whom I can't trust and who allows family members to interfere in our relationship? I'm not a saint myself, but I have always loved her. Even though I had the friendship with the other girl, I still loved my girlfriend. I always considered her the woman for me. Am I being unreasonable?


Anamika S profile image

Anamika S 4 years ago from Mumbai - Maharashtra, India

Breaking up is a tough job and better done in one go than delaying or taking a lot of time. Just like a band aid is better peeled fast to reduce the pain...


ankit agrawal 4 years ago

its really a tough job she started crying and i was speechless


John D 4 years ago

I have been with my girl for six years since I was 17. Everyday I wake up and wish it was over but I know it would crush her so bad that I just cant do it. She still loves me so much and I still care for her, but the feeling's just are not there any more for me at least. I feel trapped and don't know what to do.


don't know what to say 4 years ago

I have this gf that is way to clingy i just need my space butshe won't back of its been allmost 3years i need help i'm only 18


William 4 years ago

Hey everybody. Let me get straight to the point: I'm losing my goddam mind. I'm with a girl who is a class five clinger. I have to text her ALL DAY up until I go to sleep, she texts me throughout ALL my classes, I have to see her between my classes and after school AND during lunch. If I hang out with friends i'm subjected to suspicion and the cold shoulder. It's like everything I do has to be her way.

This past week, I was going to catch the bus home as I usually do, but my girlfriend texted me and told me that she'd give me a ride home, but as soon as I told her "Oh, I was planning on taking the bus." I got the classical "Oh. Okay." So I decided to wait an extra 15 minutes for her to get back from a rock climbing field trip and THEN go home when I already should have been there.

She constantly insists I hang out with her after classes and when I don't it's like I become Satan and she gives me the cold shoulder. Its like the whole relationship revolves around her needs and none of mine despite the fact that she constantly tells me she wants me to be happy. Going into the relationship, I thought it would be relaxed as she had told me that she liked her alone time top, but that was a blatant lie.

It feels like i'm in a prison cell, subjected to the routine of my girlfriend. I wouldn't be here unless I thought it was serious. In addition to everything, she constantly tells me that she misses me and loves me far too often for my liking. Its our one month anniversary on wednesday and her birthday is coming up as well, but I need out NOW. I'm losing my fucking mind with this girl. She constantly complains about everything that doesn't go her way and the other day she stormed out because I was talking too much with her friends.

Oh, and she is so far ahead of herself, that its delusional. She thinks that we're gonna move in together, have pets, kids, own a house, mortgage and all that. I know that she's going to be absolutely devastated, but I can't take it anymore. I need advice soon. Please!


becauseilive profile image

becauseilive 4 years ago from N.J. Author

@William - Yeeeeah you need to get outta that situation immediately. You've only been together one month and she's already this clingy? Her mentality isn't healthy by any means. Her insecurity and neediness could very well cause you to have problems concentrating in class, and could definitely impact your social life. You're in high school (I'm assuming?) Now is the time to meet different people and have different experiences. It sounds to me like you're suffocating under the pressure of it all.

I'd recommend calling her or meeting up with her (DON'T do it over text message) and just telling her it isn't working. She may cry and freak out and promise that she'll change, to which you could reply that you're open to seeing her make those changes, but on a friends only basis. I'd entertain her emotions for about an hour before ending the conversation, and if she calls or texts obsessively after that, the best thing you can do is ignore her.

She'll live, believe me. They always do...

Good luck!


confusedasever 4 years ago

I'm in a situation where me and my "gf" have been in something for 11 months. When it was no strings attached, she loved for me to be around. She wanted me around 24/7. She made all her time about me and her kids. About a month after we started catching feelings, she stopped doing eveverything she did to get me. I don't wanna end it but I'm just tired of her Idk attitude. Help me please!!! Please email me at quincy5suber@yahoo.com


Nick 4 years ago

It breaks my heart to write here but I do want to express myself. I was in a relationship with a girl for past 6 years. We went to school together, graduated, got ourselves jobs, but she was a student here in Canada, and she had to leave Canada in the end of 2011.

I believe we have had good times, laughed, movies, dinners, lunches, road trips, cooking together, even getting our homework, assignments done together just like any couples will in their relationship. Since we both come from quite conservative family (I am Hindu and she is Catholic) there was always a tensed situation b/n mine and her family. My family accepted her in 2007 the day I spoke about her to them. However her family never accepted me and couple of times they insulted my family, although I agree my ex-gf completely opposed her family for behaving like a jack-ass.

Although we loved each other and also saw ourselves getting married by the end 2012, we always had these inequalities and I can confidently say that 90% of the time it was me making compromises. We would fight publicly in school, malls, subway transit, but what I thought was normal as in any relationship and something that I should ignore/compromise with to flourish this relationship. And the other thing that I hated about her was money managing skills. She would have 20 pairs of dresses to wear but still would go buy one and she knows she doesn't have money. To cut short when she left Canada she was in debt of 12,000$. This girl doesn’t believe in saving AT ALL. And I am the person who very well manages money. What I can summarize about this girl is if she doesn’t get what she wants she would start feeling irritating and literally you can see all the wrath she has for you for not believing her whether you’re watching a movie in a cinema; sitting at a mall; even sitting in a school library. Then she would just lose control of herself and act like a selfish child.

The point I am trying to make is it took me nearly 5 years to realize that I am the person who is a logical thinker; makes sound decisions about what I want to do with my life and she is totally opposite (bought a dog when she knew she couldn’t handle; flied the dog to US and sent back to Canada in cargo (how much suffering to that little dog?). I wanted to tell her about my feelings when she was in Canada but I didn’t because she was on herself and I didn’t want to hurt her. After she left Canada my parents came to know about her financial situation, her conflicts with her own family and they so unhappily left on me to decide what to do with this relationship. But now that she has reunited with her family I have spoken to her about my feelings and trying to explain that its best we remain friends but she doesn’t agree. Every minute she reminds me that I have committed a big crime by breaking up with her. Sends me a 150 page long emails explaining how happy we were but how do I explain that my feelings are over for her? Sometimes I feel extreme guilt for what I have done to her and all I want is we both remain happy and move on with our lives and I really wish she finds the right one although she disagrees and insists I am the one. This girl has gone mad, and I fucking feel for her but when I look deep down inside me I know I have made the right decision for both of us. I know I still do love her but I truly believe we better off on separate roads then collide with each other.

Need help big time.


Robby Vee 4 years ago

This things happens to everyone even though they ain't good for everything it could be your life or else your living, Once you happen to commit yourself into a relationship it's whereby you must know that it actually needs a lot of commitment since we all know how sensetive iand hurt it is if it happen to come to an end of which that is the sades part that neither of us whom is inlovle into does'nt have a wish to reach that boiling point, so good people its been a honour to me to have such an opportunity where we all can say whats on our mind abiut this sensetive topic we aer facing.

hopefully my words will be be very useful to those who need them

Peace:Robby Vee aka Vuyani


Robby Vee 4 years ago

This things happens to everyone even though they ain't good for everything it could be your life or else your living, Once you happen to commit yourself into a relationship it's whereby you must know that it actually needs a lot of commitment since we all know how sensetive iand hurt it is if it happen to come to an end of which that is the sades part that neither of us whom is inlovle into does'nt have a wish to reach that boiling point, so good people its been a honour to me to have such an opportunity where we all can say whats on our mind abiut this sensetive topic we aer facing.

hopefully my words will be be very useful to those who need them

Peace:Robby Vee aka Vuyani


Helpneeded4real 4 years ago

Hi there everyone. This is the first time i've ever shared things like this online. I am having the same issues as most of the guys on here. I don't know how to end it with my gf. My girl and I have been together for a couple of years. I feel pathetic cos we broke up and got back together cos we missed each other. At first we I tried breaking up with her cos I wasnt happy but she begged me to stay. It's hard to feel like an adult when you know you are harbouring such feelings and not sharing them. We have spoken about getting engaged but I know thats not what I want. I feel completely certain that this is wrong.

Can anyone help


Diana 4 years ago

My name is Diana I am from United States, I was I a relationship with Ben and we loved and cherished ourselves for 3 good years and every thing was going on smoothly but February 14, 2012 a day I can call a lovers day we both had misunderstanding because I answered a call from a guy that is asking me out for a date but I refused, and he told me that the relationship is over and that he is fed up with me and I begged him because I love him so much but he refused me I was so down cast and I felt the world has come to an end for me but my friend told me about a spell caster that helped her sister out in getting her relationship back, a good job and favor in any of her endeavor but at first I was scared but I have to give this man a trial because I love Ben very much and I am not willing to loose him to any woman, so I ordered returning my love spell from this great spell caster that made me a happy woman again to say it all my ex came back to me with much love and a caring heart...i am testifying to this great spell caster AYELALA SHRINE. if you need his help you can contact him on ayelalashrine@gmail.com


Samuel 4 years ago

It is very interesting that there was few people in almost same situation as me, i've been with this girl for about 1,5years but i just don't know... i have felt bad about this for almost 90% of the time, first it felt so good for 1-2 months but since then i've been feeling worse and worse. She is extremely clingy and jealous, i have to be careful even writing this or she'll flip out if she saw it...

Anyways, i'm a young guy and she kinda lives here... because she won't leave for a moment coz she thinks that i would instantly cheat her. I can not talk to other women at all really, or she thinks i'm cheating. Cannot meet my friends without her observing, i've even tried to break up... But i just cannot because she instantly gets very depressed, almost insane if i even mention that maybe we should take a little distance.

I feel really evil writing this, but i have to let it out sometimes... I can't continue my life like this anyways, it's so hard... she is overly in love with me but i can't keep the false smile on, even if i do really care about her deeply.

This was just a shortened version, but i wish to hear any tips how to get courage... or do this so she wont totally flip, since i seem to be all to her... But i can not be, it's too much pressure.


Girl25 2 years ago

Help please! I don't know what to do. There this guy I met and we are in a different country. He told me he loves me but we are not in a relationship. I love him so much but as time past by, he doesn't message me that much like before. He still message me sometimes. I don't know what to do. Should I give up? Should I tell him I'm giving up? Help please. I really love him but seems he doesn't love me even he always tell me he do. :(


Budgie910 2 years ago

At 50 years old, I thought by this time in my life I would have everything in my life sorted, however, I am in a relationship that I want to end, as it no longer ticks the boxes. I have been with the girl for 1year & 9 months, she is lovely but I find the sparkle has now gone and I want out, I just want to be on my own again. I think the problem is I rushed into things at the start of the relationship, after 3 months I asked her to move into my house and after 5 months we got engaged. I suppose I just wanted to give her some commitment. It's not like we argue, we've hardly had a cross word the whole time but we don't communicate, we have no interests in common and hardly go out or have sex anymore. I have friends my age who are still on their own and they love being by themselves. I have had lots of past relationships but never lived with anyone before, so I find it a real struggle to adjust, even after living together for a year and a half. I know, 'the grass is always greener' but I'm just bored with her. We are not on the same intellectual wavelength and have nothing to talk about. I had planned to break with her since last October but the timing never seemed right (birthdays, Xmas, New Year all came and went) and now, last week but she has just found out that she needs a heart operation later this year, which makes it seem harder for me to do. How can I possibly be so cold-hearted when she will need my support through that? Should I sacrifice my own happiness by staying in the relationship for her sake because she is ill and I feel sorry for her? I also worry that when we do split, she will try to take half of my house, which I have solely owned for 10 years. We are not married (only engaged) and have no children together. Also, we have a holiday booked in June, so I was going to wait until then, have the holiday together then break up with her but I just can't stand the thought of staying with her for several more weeks or months. I like the woman but I know I'm not in love with her and I know she is not my life partner. What a dilemma! But I've only got myself to blame for getting myself into this situation.


Johnc455 2 years ago

obviously like your website but you have to check the spelling on several of your posts. Several of them are rife with spelling problems and I find it very bothersome to tell the truth nevertheless Ill definitely come back again. dgeggkdeabcc

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