How to Catch a Cheating Lover

Not much in life is as painful as discovering your partner has been cheating on you, but almost as bad is not knowing for sure if your suspicions are founded. Having had more than my fair share of boyfriends who have cheated on me over the years, I have become very adept at spotting the danger signs, and finding ways to prove their infidelity. Although finding your hunch was right is very traumatic, there is at least comfort to be had from knowing you can now dump them and get on with your life, (leaving your ex to probably do the same to their new partner at some point in the future).

To make this easier to follow I have firstly listed danger signs to look out for, then followed it with ways to prove your partner is being unfaithful, (or not, as the case may be).

The Danger Signs.

1) When your partner suddenly loses all interest in kissing you. Strangely enough most unfaithful or bored partners will continue having sex far longer than they will kissing, so this is one of the first signs they are going off you.

2) When they stop wanting to make love/have sex with you, (a more advanced stage than above).

3) When they start saying they are working late every night, or on specific nights of the week, especially if there is no significant change in their wages to indicate they are being paid for doing overtime.

4) When they spend all their free time claiming they are "out with their mates", yet you are never invited.

5) When they don't seem to want to take you to "Work Functions", as you have to ask yourself, are they taking someone else instead?

6) When you start receiving phonecalls at home where the person hangs up as soon as they hear your voice, and the number is withheld.

7) When your partner leaves the room every time their mobile phone rings and takes the call elsewhere.

8) When your partner seems to be getting text messages on their mobile phone at incredibly late times of night, and always quickly deletes them after reading them and often claims they are only a mate.

9) When they start leaving for work at least an hour earlier than they used to in the mornings.

10) When they seem to suddenly have to go away on business alot, often at short notice, but you are not allowed to accompany them.

11) When they suddenly start taking a great deal more care with their appearance out of the blue.

12) When they begin to wear perfume or aftershave daily when they rarely bothered before.

13) When they regularly come home after work not hungry like they used to be, as it may well be their lover has already fed them that day.

14) When they suddenly seem to be sending a lot of text messages, and/or their mobile phone bill has risen dramatically.

15) When the mileage on the car or the petrol consumption has risen significantly for no explicable reason.

An Example of a Good Disguise!
An Example of a Good Disguise!
Private Detective
Private Detective

How to Catch Them Out.

1) Whenever the opportunity arises and your partner is in the toilet or having shower, check the contents of their pockets, wallets etc. Look for receipts, for anything, be it meals, jewellery or generally things you would not expect them to be buying normally.

2) In the same circumstances as above go through their mobile phone and check for "dialled calls" and "received calls". Make a note of the most frequently recurring numbers so that you can check them out later.

3) Check their mobile phone for text messages that have not been deleted yet.

4) If they say they are working late, make a point of going to their work and hiding up somewhere that you can watch the building to see if they leave work at the normal time (in which case you know you are probably on to something, in which case plan to borrow a friends vehicle on a later date so that you can follow them the next time this happens).

5) If they say they are going out with mates, ask where they are going. Claim to be happy to stay home, but instead drive to the venue, or get a friend to, so you can see if they really are where they say they are.

6) If they claim to be going on a business trip out of state or town, do your best to find out when they are due to be returning home, and if you are able to, which flight they are on. Then watch the appropriate arrivals hall to see if they come through alone or with someone else.

7) Make a note of the mileage on their vehicle on a day you know they are claiming to be going to work. When they come home make a note of the new mileage, and later drive the trip yourself and compare the miles it actually is. If their mileage is different, or higher, they have no doubt been somewhere else too.

8) If they start to leave for work an hour earlier than usual on a regular basis, then consider phoning their work around the time they should have arrived, to say you need to speak to them. If the colleague says they are not in yet, innocently ask what time they expect them to arrive. You can always claim later that you forgot to ask them something before they left home.

9) If they have claimed to be spending a lot of time with mates it is often very easy to trick their mates into landing your partner in it. Try asking trick questions, such as, "Mike said you had a great laugh over the beer getting spilled on him last night", (even though 'Mike' never said anything about any beer getting spilled). A mate trying to cover for their friend will probably pause slightly, before saying something like "Oh yes, it was hilarious".

10) If you can access their emails or guess their password, this is a great way of catching them out. Quite often they may well forget to delete certain emails, or even if they have deleted them, they may not have emptied their "Deleted Items Folder" yet.

11) If you have a suspicion as to who your partner is committing infidelity with, try to find out their address. Once your partner goes out, head for this address yourself, and look to see if your partners vehicle is either in the driveway of this suspect, or parked in a nearby street.

12) Invest in a basic phone-bug. I borrowed one of these once and it was very easy to wire into the telephone socket. The way it worked was that whenever the handset was picked up, a hidden tape recorder would be activated. This meant that once I returned home I could check out what phonecalls and conversations had taken place on my phone whilst I was out.

13) It is fairly easy to buy very small cameras that can be secreted around your home. Spy Shops do these, as do various online stores. Strategically place the camera in a room where your partner is most likely to commit any act of infidelity whilst you are out, e.g., the bedroom or the lounge/living room. Most of these cameras are now small enough to be hidden in a clock or a toy, and would never be spotted unless you were actively searching for them.

14) Jam a tiny piece of cardboard between the passenger door to their vehicle and the frame. If when they come home the cardboard is gone, it proves they have had someone else in the vehicle. You will need to try to establish if they had anyone in the car legitimately before you give away the fact you have been checking up on them.

15) Don't be afraid to hide in hedges, put on disguises or borrow friend's vehicles in your quest, as if for one moment your partner thinks you suspect they have another lover they will be doubly on guard.

16) Check through your phonebills and call up any frequently repeated numbers pretending to be someone else and attempt to establish who it is you have phoned. If your voice may be known to the mistress or lover, get a friend to phone the number for you.

17) Get hold of your partner's mobile phone and send a text message to your suspect as if it came from them asking to meet up now. Stake out the meeting place and see who turns up, either that or wait to read the reply that comes back via text.

18) Consider hiring a Private Detective agency to follow your partner for a day or two and see if they are where they say they and with who they say they are with. If you can't afford one, there is the always the option of calling "Cheaters" the TV programme and seeing if they can help.

19) Wait outside the work function you have not been invited to, but make sure you are out of sight. See who your partner is with when they leave and what kind of body language they are displaying. If you don't want to confront them then, wait until your partner gets home and ask specific questions about who was at the function, what it was like, who they spent time with etc., be casual, as if you are simply interested, but see if they admit to being with the person you saw them with, (assuming you saw them with anyone that is).

20) Check out their car really thoroughly, and look for unfamiliar hairs, e.g. If your hair is short and dark and so is his, then you might find it rather strange to find long blonde hairs dotted around the car.

Once you are certain your soon to be ex has been having an affair, you should go to my hub http://hubpages.com/hub/Top-Tips-to-Get-Revenge and start planning how to get your own back!

If you need gadgets such as inexpensive hidden cameras and devices to catch them out then theck out my hub on affordable spy gadgets for domestic use... you will be stunned by what you can buy easily and affordably.

More by this Author


Comments 30 comments

muser profile image

muser 7 years ago

Heh heh! That is one hub with a lot of attention to detail.

And that last pic reminded me of the Connie Francis number.

Nice hub!


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

Thanks muser, details are very important if you want to catch out the person in question (and I frequently have) :)


don  7 years ago

While catching a cheater may be necessary, I find it sad that many spouses can't share their deepest sexual desires and fantasies with each other. Lack of intimacy or lack of imagination and communication can be avoided . . . sadly it can be a delicate area in which to tread.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

Thanks for commenting Don.


her guy 7 years ago

Any guy that would cheat on his woman should be beat to death with his own c***! I never cheated on my ex but she cheated on me. Hmm.. I wonder what I could've beat her with?


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

I am sure you wouldn't cheat easily 'Her Guy', but of course there are circumstances that make it more understandable, such as when the partner is abusive or unfaithful themselves


her guy 7 years ago

If a partner is abusive you leave them. I used to have pans and pots and dishes flying at me and if it didn't stop I would have left her. No one is under obligation to be hurt and abused. But the thought of me smiling at her and on a good night f****** her (because it isn't love making) and all the while sneaking in some strange kitty from next door is unthinkable. The cheating was happening while I was unaware and she filled in the blanks after we were separated. It was like... oh yeah now that makes sense what I was seeing. I would never have cheated so I never imagined she would. The men were all friends of mine and I never knew till years later and they were all out of my life sphere. Now I still can't say I would get suspicious if "My Gal" was cheating because I basically am the same trusting "Her Guy" I've always been. I am quite sure that all is okay now because "My Gal" is so open (Just like I am).


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

If people knew the heartache cheating causes to their partner, or could experience the pain themselves, I reckon there would be a whole load less cheating going on. I am so glad you have found the right girl now Her Guy, and thanks for commenting here.


beblebrox 6 years ago

I caught my now ex-wife of 12 years (you will understand why after I explain), 2 ways. Initially I had logged into our mobile phone account to see if we qualified for any free upgrades. while there i saw literally hundreds of calls, often 20+ a day back and fourth from her to my supposed best friend. I was pretty sure what was going on, as she had become more and more distant from me over the past year, so I decided to confirm my suspicions. I took a chance and purchased and concealed an internet security camera in a part of my home anyone coming of going had to pass through. While the "best friend" was over visiting I excused myself to a local store to pick up a few supplies (snacks, soda, etc.) and had a friend (actually his now ex wife) monitor the camera and listen in. The moment I was gone she tells him in a worried voice that he has got her pregnant, and that she was not sure she would be able to convince me it was mine, as she had been refusing to sleep with me for the last month or so (which was part of what aroused my suspicions). Upon my return, I grabbed the cash we had een putting away for emergencies, I was going to need it now, resisted the urge to grab the rifle in our bedroom, came out threw the phone bill on the table, told them they were "On Candid Camera", told to I expected her out of the house that night, and that she could come back for her stuff under 3rd party supervision sometime the following week.

After a few months of virtually no contact, she realized I was serious and decided to go through with the divorce.

That was 2 years ago. I was the best thing that ever happened to me. I met the most wonderful person in the world who respects and loves me. we treat each other as adults, and currently jointly own a rapidly growing start up company. we plan on marrying next summer. That camera led me finally to a happy life.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 6 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

This is such an encouraging story beblebrox, and really goes to show there is life after an ex, and often a far better life than the one you had previously. Thanks so much for sharing this here and giving so many people hope that they can be happier than they were with a cheating ex.


Cellspy 5 years ago

Forgiveness is only Golden when the forgiven is sorry and sincere about making up and being a commited spouse. It takes two people to make a long lasting relationship. But sometimes the same reason someone cheated are the same reasons you have to dump them.Thanks for sharing.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 5 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

Thanks for your thoughts Cellspy, they make a lot of sense.


InPsychOut 5 years ago

Excuse my saying so, Misty, because you clearly put a lot of work into putting this hub together, but it's a lot of garbage. The first part (the warning signs) are something to pay attention to, but the rest is childish and silly.

Yes, you can catch a cheating partner by becoming a private investigator and hiding in the bushes or checking out the mileage in someone's car, but that's just letting your own insecurity turn you into a stalker. Imagine someone who didn't trust you doing these things to you. What an invasion of privacy!

Listen, if there are warnings that your partner is cheating, talk to him or her about your concerns. If you feel like they're lying or acting fishy, they probably are. If you don't trust them, checking up on them will never help the situation, even if you find nothing amiss.

Here's my advise: First, listen to your gut (intuition, whatever you want to call it). If you're getting an icky feeling, and you're not normally a suspicious person, there's a reason for the feeling.

Start a dialogue. Maybe the problem isn't really infidelity.

Seek professional help. For yourself if you're chronically mistructful or suspicious, or for the two of you if there's a relationship problem to resolve.

Or just break up! Cut your losses... find someone who will make you feel valued and loved. Someone who will treat you like you deserve to be treated.

But please, don't waste your time stalking someone looking for the "proof"... you're not going to make yourself feel any better when you find (or don't find) what you're looking for to confirm your suspicions.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 5 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

I have to disagree InPsychOut, people who are being unfaithful do not simply wait to be questioned by their partner, then throw their hands in tha air and say "Whoops, you caught me out!", no they actually lie until they are blue in the face. Getting evidence is crucial, otherwise you doubt your own suspicions, and you know your partner will tell you it is all in your imagination. If you investigate and find you are wrong, you can always confess to the partner, or you can put your suspicions behind you and trust again. If you are right, you can whip your partners butt, either in court (if you are divorcing), or simply by getting revenge if they have screwed you over.

Trust me, I have been on the receiving end of some very convincing liars when it comes to infidelity, but would not have wanted to dump an innocent partner based on my own insecurities.

I have no idea how old you are, or if you have my lifetimes experiences, but I do stand by this hub, and do believe that blindly trusting a suspicious partner, or dumping them without checking it out is not the way to go. Too much talking to them about suspicions only gives an unfaithful partner the opportunity to be more devious and take more care to cover up what they are up to.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 5 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

PS. Yes I did put a lot of work into this hub, so for you to blankly make a half hearted 'prior to insulting comment', apology, before referring to my hub as 'a load of garbage' is insulting and extremely rude. The bare minimum I would expect is for you to have said 'in my opinion' during your comment, as after all, you make no claims (or give evidence) of being an expert on this topic!!! You only voiced an opinion, which only you have ownership of!!!


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 5 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

Check out Beblebrox's comment above which confirms a camera led him to a 'happy life'. I rest my case!


ubanichijioke profile image

ubanichijioke 5 years ago from Lagos

great hub my good friend. The fact still remains that it is sad and wicked for a cheating partner to stand and rubbish all the accusations while the truth still remains that he or she is a cheat. Evidence is important and integral if one must succeed. You can just level accusations on your mate without any evidence. When it comes to matters concerning infidelity, try your best possible to prove your suspicion cos that is the only way to have peace of mind. Then, forgiveness or divorce comes later.

You've got a masterpiece here. Kudos


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 5 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

Thank you for your praise ubanichijioke, I agree with your words totally. :)


jamterrell profile image

jamterrell 4 years ago

Very useful ideas. I hate cheaters.Wanna try them. Thanks.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 4 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

I hope you never need them jamterrell, but it is useful to have them if you ever have any suspicions about a partner.


Lone Ranger 4 years ago

Great topic, Cindy!!!

No, lass, you are spot-on and it is not indecent or childish to properly investigate these matters.

Many of the warning signs above were played out by my whoring wife. As soon as I smelled the faintest scent of infidelity, the Lone Ranger traded in his mask and horse for a magnifying glass and overcoat, thus becoming Sherlock Homeboy.

Indeed, it killed me to hold in this knowledge - the knowledge that my wife was cheating on me. It killed me inside to find a receipt for lingerie that she never modeled for me. It killed me to receive phone calls from a mysterious sender who would hang-up as soon as I answered.

Coincidently, the mysterious calls stopped once I told her about them. Hmmm. In fact, there were many little nuances that an attentive husband should notice and I noticed them all.

The mound of circumstantial evidence continued to build and ate away at me like a cancer, yet I couldn't talk to anyone about it, nor did I let her know that I knew something was going on. She thought she was so clever and that I was just a trusting fool. Little did she know that I was all over her like white on rice!!!

I have found that if you tell your partner what you suspect, they will go underground and try even harder to conceal their crime. This is why it is so important not to let the "cat out of the bag" before the time is right and why it is so important never to fully trust your spouse.

What I mean to say is that one must always be willing to search for the truth no matter where it may lead. One must, therefore, never sacrifice sound reason or good judgment in order to live under the secure blanket of blind faith.

I think one of the worst things a man can do is fall into the trap of thinking his bride is incapable of such treachery, when, in fact, women are just as prone to infidelity as men! The difference is that men get nailed 90% of the time, but women only get caught 14% of the time.

You are so right, Cindy, even when confronted with all the compelling evidence, she just blew it off and denied the whole thing.

It wasn't until I produced pictures of her car over at her lover's apartment overnight that she finally admitted it, but tried to turn the tables on me by trying to make me feel guilty for snooping around and for being so deceptive about what I knew and when I knew it. Even upon discovery, she was still impenatent. And so it goes.

Best wishes - L.R.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 4 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

I am so sorry you have been through this L.R. It leaves you feeling so sick inside when you know that the person you love (or loved) is lying to your face in order to sneak off to be with their lover. It is additionally very cruel to try and blame it on the partner when they had the option all along to leave that person before being unfaithful to them. You handled the situation well, and in much the same way as my late Husband did with his first wife. In other words, don't let on about your suspicions, just gather evidence that is irrefutable when they are confronted, or when any messy divorce goes to court.

I hope your life is happier now you are free of her.

Take Care

Cindy


Lone Ranger 4 years ago

Dear Cindy:

I will just say that I am wiser now than I was before, but I was "happier" before I met her and "happier" before I found out. Yes, I have "moved on", but this was the single-most painful experience I have ever had to endure. It is even more painful and traumatic when young children are involved.

It is true that she was not a good woman from the start and we were unequally "yoked" from the very beginning. The things she put us through, were part of my punishment for being so foolish in the first place.

If discrimination has any place in our lives, it should be practiced while in the very early stages of a relationship. We should discriminate between good behaviors and bad and then do what needs to be done early on. It only becomes harder as time passes especially when sex is involved.

Taking all these things into consideration, I am inclined to believe that one can "fall in love" with anyone at virtually anytime, so it is important to keep one's eyes wide open, discriminate often, pray constantly and never surrender good judgment, especially during the early stages of any new relationship.

Quality counselors will tell you that it takes at least 300 hours of togetherness or 1.5 years before one will "let their hair down", so to speak. This is to say that one can keep up false pretenses for quite some time and this time-frame should also allow one to see that a bad behavior or trait has not diminished over time and one can expect more of the same in the future.

It may be wise for your readers to keep in mind that behavioral psychologists often warn us that, "Past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior." And, the Bible uses this same concept by saying, "A dog will always go back to its vomit." So, true.

Although we have been divorced for over 10 years now, my former bride is still a noose around my neck and has done all that she can do to make life difficult on our children and me. This is why I emphatically stated in another post that the "selection process" is where most people make their biggest mistakes in relationships.

It isn't what people become during the relationship that presents a problem...it's what they were when we met them that poses the problem. Failing to use discernment during the selection process and by allowing bad behavior or troublesome traits to bypass our internal filtering system allows a bad apple to mature into its full glory while under our roof. And so it goes.

Best wishes - L.R.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 4 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

Wise words and excellent advice L.R. I hope the readers here do take notice of what you have said because it might save them a lot of heartache in the future if they do.


Lone Ranger 4 years ago

Uh oh, I don't see my latest post which you referenced above. - L.R.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 4 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

My fault L.R. I had forgotten to hit the 'approve' button. It is there now :)


nightsun profile image

nightsun 4 years ago from northern california

You can catch them very simply..Use the internet, I mean software that helps you hack their private info.. And you can also track their cell numbers.It works great...Much cheaper then a detective to tell you what you already know...Yes, I know a lot on this. My husband is a retired law offical, PI and worked for bond co. Do it yourself...It's cheaper and just as quick, maybe more so...


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 4 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

Thanks for the tip nightsun :)


Deborah Demander profile image

Deborah Demander 18 hours ago from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD

This is an interesting article. You have a lot of information, for people who think their partner is cheating.

My thought is, trust your gut. If your partner is cheating, then you can stay or go. No investigation necessary.

Thanks for all the information.

Namaste


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 14 hours ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands) Author

But what if you were wrong in your suspicions and threw everything away for nothing Namaste?

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