How to Communicate Well
There are many forms of communication. In this hub I will only talk about speech/verbal communication.
My son has an English vocabulary three times the size of mine. Sometimes I am awed by the big words he uses and I ask him what they mean. Sometimes I am too proud to ask, so I just look up the meaning. At all times, I ask him in what context he uses the words.
It is quite a delightful challenge to have an everyday dokusan* with a Zen Master who does not know he is one, yet. He is still a very typical american teenager.
He calls it verbal combat and with me, he always wins. He is a champion debater.
There can be no perfect communication, the best we can hope for is to have a very high degree of transmission of information between people.
The moment the information leaves the other person it is already flawed. It is impossible to communicate the thoughts/feelings that prompted the statement.
Our perception is colored by our experiences. These are called filters. We filter the information through a lens built by our upbringing, childhood, our ancestral and cultural heritage, the people we have interacted with.
There are a few things that we can do to enhance the communication process.
First, we acknowledge the possibility that the other person may not understand us perfectly.
Second, we allow a space, a gap, where anything can happen. We let go of the desire to be understood, to influence, convince the other person of our point of view. We state the facts as we see them. We remove aggression altogether.
Third we allow the other person to take what we say as he sees it through his own filter.
As for non verbal cues, we look them in the eye. When we do this we communicate our sincere desire to communicate, no matter how imperfect. We acknowledge the other person, just as he or she is.
*a dokusan is a verbal combat between a Zen Master and a student. It aims to determine the state of consciousness of the student. A master will ask the student a question and the answer is never the logical answer to the question.
I love the videos created by google and this is one of them on effective communication skills
The main block to our communication is our consciousness of ourselves. If we put attention, full attention to the other person, we would listen better, the other person will be more comfortable and will listen more to us. Try it..
Immediately there is an improvement in the process.
Finally, if it is public speaking that you are interested in learning, the key is practice, practice, practice.
Other forms of communication
Our dogs can tell me when they are hungry, when they want to go to the bathroom, when they want simple attention and when they are annoyed by simply looking at me or wagging their tail.They do not have to make a sound at all.
You can write love letters or you can also communicate telepathically. It is not a myth.
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