How to Get Your Groom Involved in Wedding Planning
So you’re finally engaged. Congratulations! After the initial burst of elation at getting to spend the rest of your life with your best friend evens out, you turn your attention to the wedding. You start rattling off all of your wonderful and detailed ideas to your future groom and—surprise!—he clams up, turns his eyes to the floor, and mutters something about “trusting you to make these decisions.” Pretty soon your dream day for two is being planned by a party of one. And no matter how much you enjoy control, that position will become lonely as Wedding Day approaches. So here are some tips for getting your groom involved in and excited about the wedding planning process.
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1. Ask him (don’t tell him) what he wants
Before you utter one word about what you want in your wedding, ask your groom what he wants. Asking him for his input first without telling him yours eliminates the option of just agreeing with you to make you happy. Ask specific questions. Ask him what aspect of the wedding is most important to him. Ask him what he would like to eat, what music he would like to have playing, and how many people he would like to invite. If you’re footing the bill, ask him how much he would like to spend. And here is the important part: Listen. Consider that this day belongs to both of you, and make it your goal to collaborate in the planning.
2. Validate his opinions (even when they differ from yours)
Marriage requires compromise, so consider your wedding as your first big exercise in that important skill. Do not reject his opinions—doing so will shut him off to giving any future input, not to mention make him feel unvalued. Incorporate his ideas into the wedding. In areas where you have a difference of opinion, compromise. Alternatively, assign different aspects of the wedding to each of you. Such as, “you choose the food, and I will choose the music.”
3. Cater to his interests
Any wedding is more meaningful when it reflects the unique interests of the couple. Look for ways for your groom to do what he loves to do in the service of wedding planning. For instance, if he is a musician, ask him to coordinate the wedding music. If he is an artist or a craftsman, ask him to make some of the décor or nontraditional centerpieces. If he loves to plan trips, put him in charge of the honeymoon. If he loves math, ask him to maintain the budget. Whatever tasks you ask him to do, be sure to emphasize that he can do them in whatever way he likes. Be happy with his involvement and the outcome—even if it is not the way you would have done it. His creative input may make your wedding better than you could have planned!
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