How to Handle Tough Questions from Your Father-in-Law
This man is a Very Special son-in-law
Samples of Father-in-Laws
DEDICATED TO HELPING SINGLE MEN
There are six important, monumental events in almost every boy's life. Birth, accepting Christ, graduation from high school and college, getting his first real job, falling helplessly in-love, asking the love of his life to marry him and "the" "Mother of All Serious Events": Asking her dad for her hand in marriage.
Scary to even think about, right single guys? Oh, you are of the "new age," thinking and do not go in for the traditional way of living. You dropped out of school, haven't worked in over four years and for not a job shortage, you simply want to live a "non-responsible" life with the girl who will have you and never have to worry about her dad. If this fits you, then move along. I am not talking about you. Oh, I do hear that Popeye's Chicken is hiring. Just trying to help.
Now if the above description "does" fit you, Mr. Single, Traditional Man, then you are in luck when it comes to meeting your fiance's dad. Yes, I know how you feel. Terrified. Nervous. Even a little sick to the stomach. Having urges to vomit for no reason. I've been there. I feel for you all the way.
But now you can put those horrible feelings away for like I stated you are in luck. I have what can easily be called, "How to Handle Your Father-in-Law's Tough Questions." And friend, they will come. Sooner or later. Probably sooner, if your father-in-law to be loves his daughter. And if your girlfriend has a father who loves her, and you answer his tough questions to his liking, you will be "in like Flynn," welcomed into his family. He will be your best buddy. Take you fishing with him. Give you valuable advice when his daughter, now your wife, gets angry at you for no reason. And he might give you a better job than you have now.
Just because you took the time to answer his questions with "my" answers.
Picture this. You and your father-in-law have agreed on a date to when you and him can sit down like grown men and talk about you taking, I mean marrying, his baby daughter. The girl that his entire life is built around. The girl who simply whimpers and he will "move heaven and earth" to just make her smile. That girl.
You are to meet him on a Saturday morning at his estate in some lavish housing development that he not only built with one of his many lucrative construction companies, but owns lock, stock, and land deeds. He has asked you to have breakfast with him while your fiance' and your mother-in-law are out for the day doing "girl things" like talking, giggling, and talking about your fiance's wedding night with you. Oh, I am not trying to put pressure on you, but if I were in your shoes, I would first relax, breathe easy, and keep in mind that your father-in-law is only mortal. A very powerful mortal. Even the governor of the state calls him "sir." Nothing to worry about. Just guy talk. That's it.
After a filling, manly-breakfast of cured ham, link sausage, omelets, blueberry muffins, orange juice and coffee, he says, "let's retire to my den where we can both be comfortable." You agree quickly. And add, "thank you, sir, for that delicious breakfast." Nice move. But DO NOT screw it up now by also saying, "I should marry you, sir, if your daughter can't cook like that." Please. Just follow your father-in-law and keep your mouth shut tight.
Your father-in-law sits behind his expensive oak desk adorned with business awards, photos of his safari's to Africa, and meetings with presidents, Carter, Nixon, Clinton, and Bush. He is also a retired general from the United States Marine Corps where he commanded a platoon of "leather necks" on a midnight raid on a group of terrorists who were causing trouble somewhere in Iraq. "I loved the challenge. It was fun to be back in the game," he was quoted in newspapers after the 20-hour battle that he helped to win without using his weapons. Just his bare hands.
Now the fear and panic are seeping into your veins along with the cigar smoke from his five-dollar cigar. He is sizing you up. Getting you in his cross-hairs. And knows that you are no match for his wit, intelligence and gift of interrogation. Oh as a sidenote, he did about seven years undercover work for the C.I.A. He is no push-over. And no, this is not a lost script for Ben Stiller's movie, "Meet The Parents." Just so you understand.
"Son," he begins. "There are some questions I want to ask you and see if you are going to be right for my daughter. No offense mind you, it's just my way of finding out if she will be hurt or will be happy." he adds. "you will do the very same thing with your daughter one day. Count on it. In fact, I insist that you do the same thing with my granddaughter."
"Yes, sir. You are right. Doing this is the wise move, if you ask me, sir." you reply with your hands, arms, legs and socks soaked in sweat.
"Okay, my boy. If you are ready, this is your first question . . ." (and remember to answer with "MY" answers, not yours.)
HIM: "How do you propose to provide for my daughter, and future family, son?"
YOU: "Got that covered, sir. I am scheduled for an interview, well several interviews with bigger companies before "Julie" and I get married. And these jobs are all in upper-management with good benefits and pay."
(what you are really covering up is: the Fast Fool Convenience Store on Third and Belker Avenue is ready to let you go, so you have applied at their competition's convenience stores as night manager which does pay more. About $4.00 an hour more.
HIM: "What will you do the first time "Julie," loses her temper and tells you where to get off?" "Come on, son. You can be honest with me."
YOU: "Well, sir. I do not anticipate any marital confusion such as this. I have designed a program for our marriage, such as the strategies you planned when you were a Marine, and this way, with proper communication, "Julie" will have no reason to lose her temper, but if she were to do that, I would respect her space. Listen to her complaint with an open-mind and then tell her that "I" am the head of the house and I expect her to honor my title, sir."
(what you are really saying is: I will keep my mouth shut most of the time. I know that "Julie" is a spoiled brat, only child that you (the father-in-law) pampered all of her life. I supposed to keep you out of our marital business, I need to just comply with whatever she says.)
HIM: "I know from "Julie," that you appreciate all of that art stuff. I don't understand an abstract from an impression piece. Frankly, son, I wouldn't blame you if you just gave it all up for a good old-fashioned hobby like fishing."
YOU: "Sir, this is uncanny and unsettling. Just last night I was thinking just how senseless it is for me to have hobby like painting and never getting outside in the fresh air like you are suggesting. Sir! I agree. No more confusing art stuff for me either."
(what you are really saying is as long as he (your father-in-law) doesn't visit you and his daughter that much, you will continue to paint your butt off for you deep down inside love it. But to keep your father-in-law in the dark, you now will buy all sorts of fishing equipment - - -rods, reels, nets, depth finders, various hooks and baits to just keep around in the living room in plain sight for him to see when he does visit.)
HIM: "Is your work steady enough, son, that I won't have to worry about you two having money problems?"
YOU: (now you bend the truth a little) . . ."No, sir. Quite the opposite. I started working at this "national business,", a convenience store) two months ago on the management grade classification, and the people say within six more months, I get a nice raise, maybe a bigger office."
HIM: "Son, I forgot. Just what type of work do you do?"
YOU: (still bending the truth) . . ."Sir, the company I work for performs an imporant job to benefit our town and neighborhood. We provide many services for people of all walks of life. From retired soldiers to ministers. We are there to serve them in the areas of food distribution, beverage selections, just soft drinks, sir. No alcohol, and the occasional serving their vechicles with gasoline."
(so what you really do is work in a 24/7 convenience store selling cigarettes, coffee, sodas, snacks and gas.)
HIM: "Oh, I almost forgot, son. What was your G.P.A. in college and did you mention what college you graduated from?"
YOU: "Sir, I have to be totally-honest. I graduated at the top of my class in high school, and was accepted with "open arms," at Brown University to major in chemical research, but I had to put those plans on hold while I went out of the country for one year to do this Peace Corp.-type of work - - -teaching natives to plant their own crops, harvest vegetation in their jungles and set-up fresh water for their homes." "When 'Julie' and I get married, I plan on taking that job offer I told you about earlier, and take college classes at night and get my degree in chemical research, sir, so I can be the best husband anywhere, sir."
(okay. Let's break it down. You were "asked" to leave high school because you misunderstood the term "high" in high school. You thought that meant to show-up stoned on weed or whatever controlled substance you could find and "buzz your way" through school. And as for that colorful lie about "going out of the country" to do something like the Peace Corp, the Fed's deported you for one year for being caught with several kilo's of some drug that when taken, makes one feel like Superman. You did work though. In a prison commune in Brazil with other convicts who were also caught with drugs. I love that play on words, "chemical research," what you are planning is after you and this 'Julie' get married, you and her will continue to find out just how much weed a person can smoke before they see God.)
HIM: "Congratulations, son. Welcome to the family."
YOU: "Wow-eee, thank you very much, sir!"
HIM: "You did exactly what I thought you would do."
YOU: "What's that sir?"
HIM: "Lie like a dog to me."
YOU: "Sir? Please, uhh, may I explain . . .
HIM: "Don't sweat it kid. I am still proud of you."
YOU: "Beg your pardon, sir? For what?"
HIM: "For doing the same thing I did when I met my wife's father. What a 'tool' he was!"
Single guys, see how easy that was.
THIS, SINGLE GUYS, IS WHAT YOU ARE AIMING AT
THIS SON-IN-LAW IS HIGHLY THOUGHT OF
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