How do you know If it's Love or Lust

Relationships 101

Love, Lust, Love, Lust... Let me be very clear. This article is not intended for children. But if you're a young person and are contemplating having sex with someone because you feel like you're In Love , think very carefully and put your partner to the test - or tests. Why? Because once you have sex, chances are, hormones in your body will trick you into feeling quite in love , even if you're not yet sure if you're even compatible. This applies to adults, too.

So how do you know it's love, even modern love? You've started dating and you have strong feelings and you're ready to take it to the next step or maybe you have. How do you know if that overwhelming tingle you're feeling all over is love or lust? How do you know if this is The One? Sorry to say, often you don't until you experience some form of loss, like misunderstanding each other and pulling away, only to work it out from the heart and stay together. If you're really lucky, you'll know it's love because you've spent so much time together doing things that have nothing to do with sex, and it's just so darn good. You know it's love when you can spend hours and hours talking to each other or hours feeling good not talking. You especially know it's love when you're willing to sacrifice something for that person. (Note: Read the story of Abraham and Issac but don't take it literally.) I don't mean not going away to college, though if you're really and trully in love, you probably will do everything in your power to stay close by. But you might be willing to stay home from a party because the object of your affection needs to study for a midterm exam. That's true intimacy!

One way to really distinguish love from lust is to be able to be with the person without having sex and still have a wonderful time. Easier said than done? Does it seem bleak and boring to just hang out together? Then it's probably not love. For those of you who think that to feel love, you need to have sex first, you just don't know what love is.

As Aside: Obviously there are people out there for whom love is irrelevant. It's lust they're feeling and it's satisfying lust they're after. I feel sorry for them and even sorrier for their partners. Because chances are the object of their conquest is in love - or thinks so, anyway. I think this is especially true for women, although I feel any man reading this is on the right track.

He's Just Not That Into You?

I luv the episode of "Sex and the City" in which Miranda reads the book "He's Just Not That Into You" and gets it, that when a guy doesn't call, doesn't make plans, it's not that he's busy, or has things on his mind, it's simply that he's just not that into you. When asked if that made her feel sad, Miranda responded, that no, it made her feel free ("Sex and the City" fans, please write in if I didn't state that accurately). She then became a veritable missionary of the he's just not that into you revelation and accosted strangers (women) eating lunch on the steps of the library, ruminating about why Charlie hasn't called, and Miranda chimes in out of nowhere, "He's just not that into you, dear," then walks away, leaving the stunned woman with "bitch" on her lips. Girls, guess what? If he hasn't called, won't make plans, talks about other women, sees you sometimes and sometimes not, he's just not that into you. If you don't believe me, read the book that says it's so.

Are You In Love? - Quiz Yourself

True or False:

1. You get a warm, happy feeling thinking about that person __

2. You feel you would do anything for that person __

3. You are willing to use protection __

4. You are willing to take an HIV Test before starting a sexual relationship __

If you answered True to all of these, it just might really be Love!

If you answered True to three what's holding you back?

If you answered True to two or only one, it's time to analyze your feelings.

If you answered True to none, you know it's not love...

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Comments 26 comments

HelloKata profile image

HelloKata 8 years ago

So insightful! An intense subject presented gently with just the right doses of morality, humor, and technology.

Guru-C profile image

Guru-C 8 years ago Author

Dearest HelloKata:

What a beautiful surprise!!! Thank you so much for reading and for your compassionate comments. I'm so glad to see you here!!!



Isabella Snow profile image

Isabella Snow 8 years ago

Should the warm happy feeling be in your heart, or somewhere else? :)

Guru-C profile image

Guru-C 8 years ago Author

Oh, Isabella, How nice to see you've visited!!! The warm happy feeling... all over!!!!

somelikeitscott profile image

somelikeitscott 8 years ago from Las Vegas

Guru-C - such a wonderful gentle hand you use in educating us on this topic. Thank you.

Guru-C profile image

Guru-C 8 years ago Author

Thank you, Dear Scott! How lovely, the way you express that. You know, I was just thinking about you a lot while watching the season premier of "Project Runway". Hugs, Cory

Rochelle Frank profile image

Rochelle Frank 8 years ago from California Gold Country

 I DID know I was in love-- and had my eye on him eleven years before we married.

We didn't know anything about protection or HIV.  Didn't  really need to.  Forty-seven years of marriage so far.   Very old-fashioned, I guess.

Obviously it is a different world now, and people have to know the different rules.

Thanks for your comments to my fan site.


Guru-C profile image

Guru-C 8 years ago Author

Thank you, Rochelle. I am happy for you for many years of love, and wishing you many, many more!

izettl profile image

izettl 8 years ago from The Great Northwest

Good Hub! Glad you mentioned 'he's just not that into you'- so many women need to know about that. Why would anyone want somebody who was not head over heels into them? Some people are in denial I guess. Also love is when you're willing to put in the hard work and effort when things get tough.


Guru-C profile image

Guru-C 8 years ago Author

Hello izettl, thank you so much for your visit and your comments. You are so right!

LOLZ 8 years ago

I'm in love.

Guru-C profile image

Guru-C 8 years ago Author

Hi LOLZ, well congratulations!!! What can be better than being in love?! Thanks for visiting and commenting.

Guru-C profile image

Guru-C 7 years ago Author

Hi Lgali, Thank you thank you thank you!!!

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IĆ°unn 7 years ago

you have a lovely way of getting to the point, but doing so with a great deal of kindness. love is so difficult, sometimes lust is too.

Guru-C profile image

Guru-C 7 years ago Author

Thank you, dear Iðunn. That's why I love your poetry.

Neil Ashworth profile image

Neil Ashworth 6 years ago from United Kingdom

Very good article. You write well and provide some valuable information..

Guru-C profile image

Guru-C 6 years ago Author

Thank you, Neil. I truly appreciate your feedback and kind words.

sunnyskies 6 years ago

i am in love, and i am loving it :)

Guru-C profile image

Guru-C 6 years ago Author

Hello Sunnyskies, I am so very happy for you! Thanks so much for visiting and commenting!

 6 years ago

I'm in love for the first time :D it's such an amazing feeling!

Guru-C profile image

Guru-C 6 years ago Author

Many congratulations and best wishes.

Neil 6 years ago

Ok so i read the article and it's realy well done and explained so much...but i have a question that's been consuming me the past few months...

how do you stop loving someone so much?? You said "you get a warm feeling when thinking of them" but what if what you feel has you yearning for that persons company so much that it hurts?is that love or just some mixed up emotion which i don't know the name of??

Guru-C profile image

Guru-C 6 years ago Author

Thank you, Neil. I think love is not supposed to hurt. Let me ask you some questions. Are your feelings reciprocated? If they're not, then it's best for you to try to move on, lovingly. If your love is reciprocated, but feels like it's not enough, then it can help to analyze why you feel such a great need. Are you looking for this love to fulfill parts of yourself that another person can't? If you're feeling obsessed, it can really douse the other person's ardor. Is the person near or far away? If far away, then it stands to reason that you are yearning for her company. If near, but not with you, try to love yourself a little more. Neil, I'm not a psychologist, just someone writing from personal experience. If you are in more pain than you can handle yourself, if would be good to join a support group or speak with a counselor. Loneliness is painful. Love should bring out the best in you. I hope this helps.

6hotfingers3 profile image

6hotfingers3 6 years ago

interesting Hub. Good pointers to consider.Your information is right on the button. Great down to earth advice.

daviddwarren22 profile image

daviddwarren22 5 years ago

Great idea.

renee 5 years ago

I am in love with David Herman Pugh and I'm ready for the baby that we r planning in the first of 2012

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    Offline Responses

    From a dear friend of mine: Re: The "L" Words ...I love your article on the "L words". What if it starts with Lust and goes into Love? Usually not- you're right. But we like to make ourselves believe it.

    What if you know it's LOVE (in Capital letters) and just hope for all goodness sakes that Lust will be there too? Oh you know... Such a long time ago and now three kids later... I guess i they count as proof. :D

    My response: I know what you mean about lust not always following Love... You really do need both for a relationship to work. But a lot of people ask themselves if they are in love or just in lust and the same about their partners. They might not know the twinge and the ache and the tingle of Love (or is that lust?). And it's true that when it's meant to be, it happens!!!

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