How Do I Know When A Chick Doesn't Like Me?
Quick tips for identifying lack of attraction
- Closed body language
- Resorting to physical violence
- Lack of physical contact
- Direct requests to "leave her the hell alone"
- Calls the cops on you
- She laughs when you get hurt
- She vomits on you more than once
Welcome to Dumpsville
Men are extremely dense and often continue to hit on or woo women who have long ago written them off. Many men simply don't understand that women don't like them. Frequently, women have to serve up a proverbial warning shot to get these men to realize that we don't want anything to do with them.
Sometimes, you have to fire an actual shot (just kidding!). Thus, it's important if you are a man, to be able to recognize when a woman is no longer attracted to you so that you can spend your time doing more productive things or pursuing other women who are much more likely to give you the time of day. When you recognize the signs of a woman who doesn't like you, you improve the quality of your life and the quality of her life (though you may no longer care about the quality of her life).
Just because a woman wears a tight skirt and a revealing top doesn't mean she's into you. It means that she hoped you were going to be a lot cooler and hotter than you actually are or that she's planning on looking elsewhere after she's dumped your sorry ass. Get a grip on reality, sir. When one of the following things happen, she would rather be defecated on by an elephant than spend one more second with you.
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- She curled up in the fetal position and is lying on the floor sobbing - well, it's possible she's just crazy, but this is my way of saying that if a woman's body language is closed, then you're in trouble and she's not attracted to you or something you're doing is turning her off. This is a strong, strong indicator no matter what stage of a relationship you're in. It's good for telling whether or not you're going to get a second date and it's good for telling when you're about to be dumped. A woman who likes you is open and welcoming and a woman who doesn't like you and isn't attracted to you, wants nothing to do with you. In the context of an early dating situation, this is the reason you go in for a kiss early. You'll know where you stand. You can also go for a hug, if you want. A hug can be an okay solution to the ending of a first date. If the woman happily reciprocates, that's positive. If the woman body hugs you first, even better (that's a good time for a light kiss, btw). However, if you go in for a hug and you get kneed in the groin, that's not so good. That's closed body language.
- She launches her foot rocket into your groin - Beware the foot rocket! This is my way of saying that she kicked you in the urine-producing region or otherwise got so mad that she resorted to physical violence. This is bad, incidentally. I've noticed that guys are rather dense, so that's why I'm saying that. No matter how often you tell a guy you think he's a loser, they tend to just keep coming. You tell a guy you think there's no chemistry (which is code for "you suck") and he leans in for a kiss. Guys, when a woman says she doesn't like you and she doesn't answer your calls and she otherwise gives every possible indicator that she doesn't want anything to do with you, it's probably because she doesn't want anything to do with you. Do we really have to resort to the foot rocket? The foot rocket is a dead giveaway we don't like you.
- You try to give her a hug and she runs into traffic - When your mere touch causes a woman to contemplate the end of her existence, that is usually a sign that she doesn't like you. Further, and for those who aren't catching on, since she's dead, you will probably not be having sex with her either. Really anything you do that would cause a woman to hurt herself is a bad sign in a whole host of ways. Aside from the fact that the thought of your presence within her bodily vicinity makes her self-abuse, it's usually true too that a woman has to have pretty low self-confidence to inflict harm upon herself merely because she believes that you suck so much. A woman with high self-confidence (which is the kind you want to date, incidentally) will have no inclination toward hurting herself because your general suckage is more a source of amusement that doesn't, in any way, affect her self-image.
- She refers to you as "psycho", loudly - The point here is that you need to listen to a woman's words. A woman's words actually mean something. So when she calls you a "giant ball of slime", don't go home and think about how you still have a chance because she seemed to be into you at times, as if the fact that she didn't vomit on you is a sign that you might still have a shot. Okay, sometimes it's not as obvious as this, but words like "not interested" and "I have a boyfriend" and "there's no need to call me" are bad signs. If you ask for her number and it turns out to be the number for the local massage parlor, it wasn't a mistake. If she just says "please, dear God, don't call me" or "I really don't want you to have my phone number", just turn around and walk the other way. There are more fish in the sea.
Common Female Behaviors and Solutions
Looking at her watch
Talking too much
Ask some good questions
Turns away from a kiss
Don't call back for awhile
Doesn't offer to pay
Assuming she'll pay her share
Relax and don't acknowledge
Kicks you in the groin
Apologize and move on
Calls the cops
Standing outside her house
- Tells you to "get the hell away from her and never, ever contact her for as long as you live" - Sure, men and women argue. Sometimes they argue loudly. However, a pronouncement such as "get the hell away from me" and "I never want to see you again" and "I hope your genitalia disintegrates in a horrible fire" and "I hope an angry badger devours one of your testicles slowly" are things that you don't want to hear. In other words, take what she says seriously.
- Calls the police on you - When a woman calls the cops on a guy there's really no good way I can think of to turn that into a positive, at least if you're the guy. Usually you get the cops called on you if you show up at her door one too many times or if you stand outside her window late at night or if you ram her car as she's trying to leave for work. Once she calls the cops on you, it's a pretty sure bet she's not going to sleep with you. And really, asking for sex at that point is pretty pathetic. And there's a big difference between calling the cops on you and calling the cops for you. Like if you start complaining about pains in your chest and collapse on the floor in a heap and you wake up in the hospital and she's sitting by your side. You might get some nookie there assuming the ticker can hold out. Then again, if you collapse after complaining of chest pains and the last thing you hear before seeing the white light is her laughing, that's probably not good.
- You slash your wrists to demonstrate your true devotion and she giggles like she's three - If the idea of you dying or getting hurt makes the object of your affection laugh, she probably does not hold you in high regard. So, if you let her back over your foot in her car, for instance, and then realize how much that hurts and start screaming and all she does is roll down her window and ask you what kind of idiot you are, she probably doesn't like you. If she rolls down her window and says something about being sad because you didn't fall down so she could get the rest of your body, she probably doesn't like you either. Generally speaking, women usually don't find it amusing when people they like hurt themselves.
- She vomits on you more than once - You can definitely excuse away getting vomited on once because people do get sick or eat a bad oyster or accidentally swallow a bug, but if your woman vomits on you more than once, it's probably a sign. Frankly, I've found that vomiting on someone works a lot better than not returning their calls. When you don't return calls, most guys just keep calling, especially if you've put out before that and decided it's just not going to work out. So, I've found that if you let them take you to dinner a few times and you vomit on them, the guys tend to take a hint. Just remember, if it's that easy for her to vomit on you, she probably doesn't like you.
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