How to Land a Really Hot Chick

All men have wondered it. How do I land a really hot chick? In some situations, your ability to land a hot chick may be the difference between life and death. This guide will tell you how to do it.

Even back in 1897 (when this photograph was taken), men were trying to figure out how to land hot chicks. Today, with newer technology, it is much harder. (PD-US)
Even back in 1897 (when this photograph was taken), men were trying to figure out how to land hot chicks. Today, with newer technology, it is much harder. (PD-US)

Stay Calm

If you don't have much experience, landing a hot chick isn't going to be easy. After all, getting a hot chick up is easy. Getting her to go down is quite another. And getting her on the ground is even harder still. A hot chick is simply not going to land herself, so relax. Take a deep breath. A hot chick has many controls that you will have to become familiar with in order to make her do what you want.

Don't Touch Anything!

You can't just land a hot chick by putting your hands all over her controls and expecting her to go down gently. After all, a hot chick is a complicated piece of machinery with many moving parts. If you just start grabbing her knobs and pulling on her levers, you're probably going to crash and burn. Before you do anything, take a seat, look her over, and get the lay of the land.

Level Her Out

Odds are good that any hot chick you attempt to land is going to need to be leveled out. After all, the very fact that you're trying to land her indicates that she's unpiloted and is without guidance. Just remember, an unpiloted hot chick isn't known for her levelness, so leveling her out will be no small task. Here is what you'll have to do:

  • Look for the attitude indicator - Fact is, if your hot chick has a bad attitude, you're not going to be able to land her. So you can either correct her attitude or jump ship, so to speak. Most hot chicks will have an attitude indicator somewhere. For instance, if you attempt to mount a hot chick and you're violently thrown to the ground, she has a bad attitude. If you attempt to engage a hot chick and her systems abort your attempt with a warning of some sort, she has a bad attitude. It's always best to engage a hot chick who has a good attitude because she'll be much easier to land.
  • Correct the pitch and bank if necessary so that her wings are level with the artificial horizon - In order to bring a hot chick down, you'll need to get her level. As hot chicks are known for their unlevelness, this isn't always easy. If her attitude indicates she is not level, you may need to take control and move her gently from side to side until her wings are level with the ground. Once your hot chick can be still and hold her arms level with the horizon without tipping one way or the other, you can move onto the next step.
  • If you have been trying to correct her flight path, her autopilot is probably disengaged - It is not at all easy to land a hot chick. As mentioned above, most of them have bad attitudes. And sometimes, even if you correct those attitudes, you discover that their systems aren't functioning quite right. There are times when you're going to want your hot chick on autopilot and times when you won't. When landing a hot chick, you're going to want her off autopilot so that you can be at the controls. Otherwise, you won't ever know who she really is.

Call for Help

You've got her leveled out. Things are going smoothly. Still, you've got to get her down. It's probably time to call for help. A regular guy is not going just to be able to land a hot chick without help. You need an expert. The best idea is to talk to somebody who's landed a hot chick before. They understand the controls. They've gotten a hot chick to go down before. Hot chicks almost always carry a communication device that is usually stowed in a handy location. Look for it and make your call. If the communcation device is not readily available, ask for help nearby. If nobody is answering the communication device and there's nobody nearby, use the communication device to yell "May-Day, may-day, may-day" which is universally recognized as a call for help by those who recognize a guy about to crash a hot chick.

Maintain a Safe Speed

When landing a hot chick, you don't want to go too fast or too slow. Your speed has got to be just right. If you're going too slow, the hot chick will just stop and you'll crash into the ground. If you're going too fast, you'll never be able to get her down. Going the right speed is essential to landing a hot chick.

Land Her, Big Boy

Okay, you've down all your checks, you've talked to an expert. It's time to get her down.

  • In order to land your hot chick, you're going to need to reduce power by pulling back her throttle until you hear her engine sound change. Her nose should then drop down. In other words, you want to wind her down. If your hot chick is all wound up, dealing with her will be impossible.
  • If your hot chick isn't steady as you're trying to land her and you're pushing and pulling her, you're going to need to play with her trim. You want to play with her trim to relieve the pressure. The trim control is going to be located near your knees somewhere.
  • Now you're going to want to get her landing gear down. Your hot chick probably has a switch somewhere that you're going to have to turn on. Turning on anything on a hot chick is usually pretty complicated if you don't know what you're doing. And if you're doing this for the first time, finding the gear switch or g-switch is going to be hard.
  • Here's where things become a drag. Your hot chick is probably pretty wound up and will need to be slowed down. After all, her engines are hot, she's going down, and you're about to climax with the landing. There should be a variety of flaps and slats next to her throttle. You need to slow her down without losing lift otherwise, she'll crash.
  • Just before you touch down, you'll need to get her nose up. You've come all this way, so you don't want your hot chick burying her nose in the ground.
  • Hit the brakes. Okay, it's a little counter-intuitive maybe because you've got your hot chick on the ground now, but it's time to get her to stop. Hit the brakes! Okay, not too hard. You want to apply the brakes slowly. Hot chicks love to know that you can bring things to a halt smoothly. The smoother, the better.

Congratulations!

You've landed your first hot chick! Because of the intense nature of your adventure, it's probably time to go have a beer and relax.

Are you confident you could land a hot chick if necessary?

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dashingscorpio 3 years ago

If you only pursue (hot) chicks then when you finally hook up with a girl she will be hot.

Some major keys I would add is (Be confident and look successful)

In America once a guy leaves high school and college he learns that "money" is one of the few true aphrodisiacs. It will overcome average looks, being overweight, or the lack of a magnetic personality. However you just want show it in your style of dress, your car, and the type of cocktails you order.

Confidence is all about not acting overly interested in anyone.

(Pretty girls fart too!)

Don't get overly excited about appearances. It's just one human being establishing a rapport with another human being. The hotter she is the more you want to reframe form complimenting her appearance. That's what all the other guys do! Simply make small talk about the event, place, or circumstance the two of you find yourself in and allow the conversation to flow from there.

Last but not least be open to dating beautiful women from different cultures. Sometimes your being a confident "outsider" in a different country or culture makes your more appealing then a lot of the guys in their own group. Don't get caught up on trying to "land" a (specific woman) but rather go after a specific (type) of woman. Whatever happens just have fun!

"Don't let success go to your head and don't let failure go to your heart!"

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