How to Stay Faithful to Your Spouse?

Are you one of those people who find it difficult to stay faithful to your partner? If you are, you are not alone. There are many like you who easily stray and end up cheating on their loved one. Some get away with it, others get caught. Either way, the feeling of cheating on your partner can never be a good feeling. Even if your partner never catches you, you have to live with the fact that you've cheated on the person you supposedly love so much. It weighs on your conscience, makes you feel guilty all the time, and whenever you face your loved one, you know within you that you haven't quite kept the faith and trust your loved one reposed in you. I’ve never experienced this feeling personally, as I’ve never cheated; however, I would imagine that it would be an awful feeling. So, is there something you can do so you don’t end up cheating on your partner? Well, I think there are things you can do and here are some strategies on how to stay faithful.

The First Step - Know Yourself - Get To Know You

The first thing you need to do is to get to know you. Why you ask? Well, you need to know you because unless you do, you aren’t going to be any wiser as to what your weaknesses are. For example, there are people who tend to cheat when they are drunk. There are also some situations which make you susceptible; like being with someone you fantasize about for extended periods of time, alone, in an office setup perhaps. It is almost never the case that cheating happens out of the blue. In most cases, the circumstances leading to the eventual act develop gradually. Mostly, the person knows that they would end up cheating and who the person would be, who’d make them cheat. So, in many ways, there is an amount of predictability to it and hence gives you some time to nip it in the bud, before it leads to a situation where you end up cheating.

Knowing yourself, thus, can clearly define your weaknesses and help you avoid those situations. For example, if being drunk makes you susceptible, you should probably be doing something about it, rather than allow yourself to be put in that situation. I don’t think you would want to be in a position where you’d have to lament about not doing anything later.

Avoid Temptation - The Best Thing You Could do to Stay Loyal

There is almost always an object (i.e. person) of temptation, who makes you cheat. As I’ve stated before, the person who cheats usually knows who this person is, who’d eventually make them cheat. The obvious solution to this is to avoid the object of temptation (as much as you can) and not put yourself in a situation where you find yourself alone with this person for prolonged periods of time.

Don’t Reciprocate/Encourage Flirty Vibes

As they say, “it takes two to tango.” So, avoid sending out overtly, or covertly friendly/flirty vibes that can be misconstrued by the other person. These may seem harmless, but can easily build up quickly into much more than just plain simple flirting. This can be difficult, when you yourself feel tempted by the person and hence can’t avoid being friendly and nice and flirty. However, you can always develop a mental conscience keeper who’d remind you when you are testing the boundaries with unhealthy flirting from your side, or being directed at you. Doing this, however, takes practice. I develop my conscience keeper by imagining a potential cheating situation and my reaction to it. An actual, real-life situation hardly gives you time to think and you can just get carried away, but if you replay a situation like that beforehand, you would be better prepared and be more definitive in your disapproval.

Stay Connected With Your Partner

People are more likely to be unfaithful when there is distance between them and their loved one. The distance I am talking about can be either physical distance (in terms of miles) or mental distance (in terms of not being close mentally). Either can make you more susceptible towards being unfaithful. If you are away physically (on a business trip for example), stay in touch with your loved one by calling him/her often. If you have kids, speak to your kids. These are ways to make you grounded and remind yourself of your responsibilities as a family person and towards your relationship.

Stay Away From Online Flirting

Many married people think online flirting is harmless and indulge in it and in fact get addicted to it. These online affairs, however, can easily get out of control and could lead you to cheat on your loved one. Things might start innocuously enough with plain chatting, but then you might be tempted to exchange pictures (which you may still think is harmless. Then, you might just decide that a face-to-face meeting is in order. You may not want it, but might not be able to say no to your online friend. Well, once you do that, things may go out of your control and you may end up doing things you never intended. I’d think it would be therefore prudent to stay away from online flirting, or at least to stop if from progressing any further, which I think is a less desirable option. I personally feel its tempting fate, as you never can predict how things develop and it is difficult to control yourself once you’ve taken the online plunge.

In closing, cheating isn’t something that just happens or is out of the person’s control. It is a voluntary decision that you make and try as you might, you can’t justify it under any circumstances. If you get drunk and cheat, that’s a voluntary decision too and sometimes you are aware of your this weakness, yet you do it and so you have no one but yourself to blame for it. Ultimately, you make the choice as to whether you want to be loyal to your love, or not. Staying faithful is a great feeling. Especially if you have a great marriage and kids and everything that you could have ever wished for, its just plain stupid and such a waste to blow it all away in a moment of weakness and indiscretion. You can definitely be much stronger than to give into temptation. You know you have it within you – it’s just that you need to find that resolve and keep the faith. Well, here’s to years of faithful togetherness to you all wonderful couples out there. Stay loyal, if you really love your partner!! It is precious and it most definitely is a good feeling – I can vouch for that!!

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21 comments

Mystique1957 profile image

Mystique1957 6 years ago from Caracas-Venezuela

My dearest Shil...

I couldn´t agree with you more! It is important to stay grounded, regardless of distances(mental or physical). It also has a lot to do with one´s belief in goodness, respect and loyalty. If these values are "foreign" to a person, chances are that cheating may occur.

Great Hub!

Bookmarked, Rated and Stumbled!

warm regards and blessings,

Al


samboiam profile image

samboiam 6 years ago from Texas

Excellent piece. Here is another point that may be considered. Develop a support system. Find someone you can be accountable to. Someone who will help you when you are feeling tempted.


Shil1978 profile image

Shil1978 6 years ago Author

Dear Al,

Nice to hear from you as always. Thanks for your insights. I agree - staying grounded is key. Also, as you say, respect is essential!!

It also pays to visualize a potential situation where you might get tempted and what you might do in that situation. If you have anticipated such a situation, you'd be better prepared to say NO and be firm.

A sudden, chance tempting opportunity doesn't give you a chance to think and make the right decision.


Shil1978 profile image

Shil1978 6 years ago Author

Thanks samboiam for your comments and suggestion. I agree you need to have someone to be accountable to.

In my opinion, the best person is your partner, rather than someone else. I wouldn't think one would take accountability as seriously otherwise!!


Doinwithout 6 years ago

You make it sound so simple. After seven years of doing without, initiating and inviting personal conversation about this, purchasing noted reliable down-to-earth resources for married couples and getting virtually no response the words 'd**n frustrating' come to mind. Patience may be a virtue. There must be more to a relationship than one partner's patience. Regarding accountability: it needs to be equitable. Life is not meant to be desert. There's got to be an oasis around here somewhere.


nadp profile image

nadp 6 years ago from WEST PALM BEACH, FLORIDA

This hub is very thoughtful - and you are entirely right about everything you say. I look forward to reading more of your hubs.


Shil1978 profile image

Shil1978 6 years ago Author

Thank you, nadp, for stopping by and for your comments. Glad you found this hub thoughtful!!


ar.colton profile image

ar.colton 6 years ago from Vancouver, B.C.

I think staying connected with your partner and always communicating is the most important one! Most of the time when ppl cheat (so I've read) it's because they don't feel emotionally connected with their partner, I don't think it has nearly as much to do with the need to sleep with someone else or someone new.

This is a great hub Shil! I hope attatched ppl everywhere take the advice and stay faithful. Cheating is a terrible thing!


Shil1978 profile image

Shil1978 6 years ago Author

Thank you AR for stopping by and for your comments! Yes, communicating is essential. There are other factors too!!

Cheating is indeed a terrible thing. I hope people can find it within themselves to stay faithful!!

Thanks again AR for your insights - appreciate it :)


Stan Fletcher profile image

Stan Fletcher 6 years ago from Nashville, TN

This is very well written. At the risk of being too transparent, I am a cheater. Or at least I was. I was married faithfully for 20 years before I 'fell'. For me, it was more of a mid-life crisis scenario. I wasn't happy with myself - it had little to do with my wife. I was acting out like an angry child. Mad at life. Mad at God. It was, and probably always will be, the worst mistake of my life, and it cost me everything. Unfortunately, you don't get a do-over. I'm just now getting to the point, three years later, that I am starting to put some things back together. So a word of warning to any who are tempted, thinking they will get away with it scar-free: Don't do it. It's not worth it. And the ripples that radiate from it touch every area of your life in ways you can never understand from the place you are standing now.


Shil1978 profile image

Shil1978 6 years ago Author

Thank you Stan for sharing your story. The fact that you were married faithfully for 20 years before falling for it demonstrates that it can happen to anyone. Yes, the mid-life crisis scenario is one of the leading factors of cheating for couples who've been married for a significant amount of time.

Yes, it does cost you a lot than you would have imagined. I guess most folks just hope that they'd get away, but it usually catches up with you one way or the other. I hope those reading this article would heed your advice and are not tempted to cheat. There is so much to lose and virtually nothing to gain by cheating.

Thanks again Stan for stopping by and sharing your story!!


Travel Lover profile image

Travel Lover 6 years ago from SXM

Not an easy thing relationships... continual work, isn't it? We're approaching our 10 year anniversary. There have been some ups and downs for sure, but I'm proud of what we've accomplished.

Thanks for article.


Shil1978 profile image

Shil1978 6 years ago Author

TL - yes, not an easy thing at all. One has to work at it constantly. You've done well though to reach 10 years. You should be proud :)

Thank you TL for stopping by and commenting!!


hubpageswriter 6 years ago

All of these are good tips. Superb hub.:)


Shil1978 profile image

Shil1978 6 years ago Author

Thank you HPW for stopping by and commenting. Glad you found the tips useful :)


bob 6 years ago

I could never understand women because of their emotional issues. I have a strong will to avoid the unnecessary things that goes along in a relationship, is there a way to find out if my partner is solid as I am?

Other than than, good points.


Shil1978 profile image

Shil1978 6 years ago Author

I am not sure I understand your question Bob. You have a "strong will to avoid the unnecessary things that goes along in a relationship"? What would that be?

As to your second question, there is no non-invasive way to find out. You either trust your partner, or if you don't, you put spies on their backs to know that they do behind your back. There is no magic solution to knowing if your partner is as loyal as you!! Thanks for stopping by and commenting :)


Mr Love Doctor profile image

Mr Love Doctor 5 years ago from Puerto Rico

This is such an important article. And the comment from Stan above, how his infidelity after 20 years of marriage cost him everything, is a chilling reminder to those of us who are married. Some things can't be fixed, so you should never break them. Of that, the most important is trust. I know a wonderful couple that has been married almost 50 years. Somewhere around 20 years ago, he cheated on her. Even though she forgave him and they are still married, he tells me honestly that something died in her eyes the day he confessed. He says it with tears and regret. This guy is a Marine of Marines, never shed a tear before the day he told his wife about the affair. Since then, it's a rare day he sheds none.


Shil1978 profile image

Shil1978 5 years ago Author

MLD, you are right when you say some things can't be fixed. The example you gave is a good one. She may have forgiven him, but a large part of what constituted their relationship before would have been lost. "Something died" would be the perfect way to describe.

Some may think an affair is no big deal, but what they forget is the many consequences that an affair comes along with. They then find that they never bargained for all of that. So, its best to never have to regret and lament on what could have been.

What is lost can't be brought back. Even if there is forgiveness, the relationship in its essence would not quite be the same ever again!! Thank you, MLD, for stopping by and sharing your perspective on the subject :)


Anonymous 5 years ago

I enjoyed reading your article, it's the truth put into words.

However how one could know that their partner is as faithful to them as they are to their partner ?

I know trust is everything, but what if you always have that feelings that your partner might thrwo you away if another person get in their lives ?

I hope I made my question clear.

Thanks again for the article, I haven't read such a truthful statement in such a long time, we live in a world where everything is upside down, faithfulness is now in this society like a sin or something that must be avoided at all cost, it's such a sad world.


Shil1978 profile image

Shil1978 5 years ago Author

Anonymous, thank you for stopping by and commenting. Am glad you enjoyed reading this article. As to your question, you cannot know for sure. You just have to trust and hope that your partner keeps that trust.

The only way you can find out if he/she is cheating on you, is if you find out. Without any hard evidence, there is no sure way of knowing if your partner is cheating on you!!

If your partner does love you and you don't have any real evidence of him/her cheating, then suspicions can do significant damage to the relationship. So, don't suspect unless you have good reasons to. Don't question your partner without hard evidence.

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