How to Tell if You're in Love

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What is Love?

How to tell if you're in love. That seems like a pretty simple thing to accomplish. After all, you love somebody or you don't. But wait, do you REALLY know when you're in love? Of course you know you love your mother and your father, or any member of your family. What about this new stranger you've met? Do you love him/her? How can you tell?

Dr. Seuss once said, “You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”

Erich Fromm, in his "The Art of Loving," wrote,"There is hardly any activity, any enterprise, which is started with such tremendous hopes and expectations, and yet, which fails so regularly, as love."

Everyone has different views about love. Songs and poems have been written about love for centuries. So, what exactly is love and how can you tell when you're in love?

If you've ever been in love;

  • You knew right away, love at first sight.
  • You didn't even like the person at first.
  • You were friends and love grew over time.
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Learning About Love

You've been loved by your parents and your family as I said earlier, in most instances you've returned that love. It came naturally because you were taught to love when loving arms held you as a baby and loving parents cared for you and worried about you as you grew up. I turn again, to this new person. Who is he? Where did he come from? Is he a vital part of your life already?

Perhaps the feelings you have for him are physical. The two of you are really good 'in bed' and enjoy touching and kissing. Is that love or great sex? Only you can tell the difference. Physical attraction is not a bad thing but it doesn't mean you're in love, though people in love do enjoy physical contact in all it's forms. Many teenagers and young people mistake enjoying physical contact for love. Its comforting and it feels good, but its not always love.

Perhaps he treats you really good. That's a step in the right direction. When you're in love you should always put the other person first because you love them. So, someone who is thoughtful towards you and worries about your welfare and happiness may be in love. Is that where you are? Do you think that way about him? Do you want him to be happy and have the things he wants and needs?

Are you comfortable and able to be yourself when you're with this person? No airs or pretending you're someone you're not. You can 'let your hair down' and be yourself. That's a good step towards love.

When you're with him do you think about other guys? Or if you're a guy do you think about other girls? If this person isn't the one you think about all of the time, it may not be love. Why would you be thinking about someone else if you're in love with this special person? No other person is as important to you as this special one. You really enjoy each other's company and like spending time together. It doesn't matter what you're doing as long as you're together. Just walking in the park feels good because you're together, or remembering that terrible downpour you were caught in. You know, the time you both got soaked and laughed so hard. Or when you got lost on your trip and wound up in a totally different town than you planned? You had a great time because you were together. No matter where you are, you're happy to be together. Everything you do together is special because you are together.

The funny thing about love is you really have no control over it. When you 'fall' in love it may not be your choice. Of course you can choose not to pursue your feelings with a person you don't think you'll like but you can't change how you feel. It just happens, you meet someone, spend time with them and before you know it, you're in love or you're wondering if you're in love.


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How to Tell If You're In Love

Some things to think about to help you decide if you're in love:

  • You get excited when you know you're going to see that special person ... you care
  • You always want to look your best for them even though that's not important
  • You worry about them and miss them when you're not together ... longing
  • Yes, there is passion and physical desire
  • You're willing to make a commitment
  • You want the world to know you are together
  • There is no pressure between you ... understanding
  • You are willing to give to them and for them
  • You can put up with their idiosyncrasies ... tolerance
  • You are compatible
  • You understand each other
  • You are willing to make sacrifices for them
  • You're willing to share the bad times as well as the good times
  • You want to hear their voice even if its only a telephone call

Living With Love

Are all these things necessary to be in love? Of course not but the more you can answer yes to, the easier it is to tell you are in love. "I ran up the door, and closed the stairs, said my pajamas and put on my prayers, turned off the bed and hopped into the light, all because you kissed me goodnight"

Love makes us feel differently than we did before, whether we know it or not. It creeps into our hearts and takes up residence. Sometimes love takes us over. We don't think straight or can't concentrate. We just think about our special person and those thoughts drive all others from our mind. We give selflessly to the one we love always putting them first in our lives.

It is the most beautiful thing that can happen to us and if it is true it will last a lifetime. True love grows over the years and makes your life a life worth living and sharing with the one you love. Granted the fluttering heart and monopolizing your brain may not last a lifetime but a new and wonderful feeling does. This special person will always be there for you and you will always be there for them. They will know your ups and downs and when you need them the most. Love yourself and love each other. That will keep your love alive and help it grow.

The famous Katharine Hepburn said, "Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get — only with what you are expecting to give — which is everything."


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Comments 58 comments

Ronnie 3 years ago

Great hub loved it, Happy Valentine's Day


diogenes profile image

diogenes 3 years ago from UK and Mexico

The best form of love is that impossibly shuddering emotion that takes you when you see the simplicity of a pet or wild animal. Love for a male/female should be avoided like the monster it becomes.

Bob


carol7777 profile image

carol7777 3 years ago from Arizona

Love is a good thing and it does change as it ages. Youwouldn't want it to be the way it was in the beginning or you would become jealous and possessive. I think it gets better as the relationship does. Good job and will share and pin.


Faith Reaper profile image

Faith Reaper 3 years ago from southern USA

Oh, Mary (Till),

This beautiful hub on being in love could have only been written by someone who is in love, who knows love and who loves others . . .YOU! What great insight into being in love. I just love this entire hub, as you have covered every aspect of the beautiful treasure, we call love. Love the video, and especially the music video. That photo of you and your love is priceless. I have been married for 34 years, since a very young age, so I know that one just does not throw in the towel when it is true love.

You're the best!

Voted up ++++ and loving it and sharing it too

God bless you and the love of your life. In His Love, Faith Reaper


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 3 years ago from New York Author

And the same back to you Ronnie. Thank you for ALWAYS being there, even on HP!

Now Bob, do I denote a note of cynicism in your tone? In spite of the fact, you came and read my hub...sending love your way!

So right Carol, we grow in love. Thanks for the share and pin. I really appreciate it.

Oh Faith, I guess you can see how in love I still am. You are so right about staying with our love and working it out no matter what happens. We all have ups and downs but love conquers all, IF you let it. I too was married young, but like you, gave it my all. Thank you so much for the votes and share. Love and Hugs back to you.


billybuc profile image

billybuc 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

My favorite subject. Funny, it too meeting Bev before this became my favorite subject. It must be love, eh?

Love it, Mary! :)


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 3 years ago from New York Author

Love that you love it but most of all love that you and Bev have that special something, definitely called love! Enjoy your week.


bdegiulio profile image

bdegiulio 3 years ago from Massachusetts

Hi Mary. What a great hub as Valentine's Day approaches. Clearly to be able to write this hub one must know the true meaning of love. My wife and I have been together for over 25 years now and we still feel that special magic and look forward to each and every day. Great job.


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 3 years ago from New York Author

I'm sure you will have another 25 years with your loving outlook. Thanks so much for stopping by. I hope the snow didn't bury you completely btw.


Genna East profile image

Genna East 3 years ago from Massachusetts, USA

Ohhhh, one of my favorite subjects: Love.  I loved your bullet points on how to tell when you are in love. I knew I was in love when I looked into his yes, and saw myself there…my life, my dreams, it was all there. There is such a thing as soul mates. True love does grow; and relationships also take a bit work too. But it is soo worth it. Wonderful hub, Till...full of sage advice, and the wisdom of love.


Mhatter99 profile image

Mhatter99 3 years ago from San Francisco

Thank you for this. Arlene and I started with a teardrop.


bac2basics profile image

bac2basics 3 years ago from Spain

Hi Tilly. What a wonderful hub and it´s plain to see you are or have been deeply in love too, and are a loving person in general. May I just add that if anyone doubts love at first sight can happen and can be a lasting love, I can tell them it is possible. Sometimes fate works to bring lovers together. Have a great day Tilly, I am sure you will be very busy answering tons of comments on this fantastic hub. :)


hawaiianodysseus profile image

hawaiianodysseus 3 years ago from Southeast Washington state

Thanks for this wonderful Valentine's Day special, Mary! It certainly evoked thoughts about what my beautiful wife means to me...my mind is stuck at age 35, and when we're on the sofa watching The Bachelor (LOL!) and I look over at the young woman inside of the middle-aged shell, and she's looking back at the young man in his paunchy middle-aged shell, nothing needs to be said. Love is all the voice we'll ever need...and I know you know exactly what I mean. : )


btrbell profile image

btrbell 3 years ago from Mesa, AZ

Great hub, Mary with wonderful pictures and music! Up+ and sharing!


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 3 years ago from New York Author

Oh Genna, I could feel the love reading about looking into his eyes! You, like I, have experienced that never ending love. Thanks for stopping by and enjoying.

MH I hope the teardrop was one of joy! Bless you for being here.

B2B, good to see you here. I know your love was deep and blessed. He watches over you now. Hugs to you.

HawaiiO you capture the essence of this hub so well. You are so right, I know so well from whence you speak. God bless.

Btrb, thanks for stopping by and leaving the comment, votes and share. Glad you enjoyed.


EuroCafeAuLait profile image

EuroCafeAuLait 3 years ago from Croatia, Europe

Wow, this really hit the spot. I love it! Thank you!! Sharing.... and just in time for Valentino... XX


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 3 years ago from New York Author

Thanks Euro, so glad you enjoyed! X O


Kathryn Stratford profile image

Kathryn Stratford 3 years ago from Manchester, Connecticut

Beautiful! I don't believe in love at first sight, although I do believe in infatuation at first sight, which often can result in love.

This is a very interesting article on the subject of love, because sometimes it is hard to tell.

I also like all of the quotes you have sprinkled throughout. It gives it even more charm. I am sharing this!


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 3 years ago from New York Author

There is so much to learn about love we never know it all. Glad you enjoyed the quotes I found. Thanks for the share.


Kim Grbac Diaz profile image

Kim Grbac Diaz 3 years ago from Upstate, New York

very nice hub...especially with the 14th coming up. My daughter is going through a rough spot in her marriage, and it's one thing to hear from her parents about the essence of what love should be, but I found your article to be of such value, that I printed it out and will give it to her to read...thanks! Happy Valentine's Day :)


cleaner3 profile image

cleaner3 3 years ago from Pueblo, Colorado

great hub about love ... very forthright and informational.


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 3 years ago from New York Author

Kim, that is the best compliment I think I've ever received! I hope it gives your daughter and her husband some guidance and second thoughts. I'll be praying for a Happy Valentine's Day for you and yours.

Thanks Michael. So nice to see you here!


MissJamieD profile image

MissJamieD 3 years ago from Minnes-O-ta

Great hub!! I am soooo very lucky to be in true love. I'm 36 yrs old, I was married for 15 years, engaged to one other person before that, I never ever knew what love was. Those relationships were "fake" as you state above. With my new love, I can be myself, I can tell him anything, when we met it was almost instantaneous!! He was my boss so to be professional he said he wasn't going to approach me first, but I didn't care, I go after what I want so I talked to him first. But that was only two weeks after I saw him for the first time, I'd seen him every day, watched him, analyzed him. I knew he was for real, and for me. Even before i contacted him outside of work the first time, I could see that he was treating me different than other people at work. He was chatting me up unlike anyone else there, he shot me smiles that made my knees weak. Finally I left that job due to our relationship because we didn't want that to get in the way of anything. He had a high position there (is now even higher on the ladder at the same place) and I didn't want to jeopardize that. But there was no mistaking we were in love. Right away. We didn't say it for about three months of seeing each other and talking every single day, but we were both in the same situation. Coming out of long-term relationships and we were both scared to get close. But there was no denying this. We were so physically attracted to each other and still are (almost a year later) that it was almost surreal. Neither of us has ever felt this way about someone in our lives. There's just something about our love that many other people don't have. I know people get together for the wrong reasons these days but we got together for the only good reason, true love. We have all of the qualities you listed above. All of them:)


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 3 years ago from New York Author

That's a true love story Miss Jamie. I am so happy for both of you. Good luck in the future.


MissJamieD profile image

MissJamieD 3 years ago from Minnes-O-ta

Thanks Till:) I appreciate that. Good luck to you as well.


Alecia Murphy profile image

Alecia Murphy 3 years ago from Wilmington, North Carolina

Everyone who wants to be in love or thinks they're in love needs to read this. Great job! Happy Valentine's Day!


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 3 years ago from New York Author

What a lovely comment Alecia! Thank you so much, I wish you love and a Happy Valentine's Day as well.


Kathryn Stratford profile image

Kathryn Stratford 3 years ago from Manchester, Connecticut

I read this before, but I just noticed the photos. Awww, they're so sweet!

Happy Valentines Day to all!!!


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 3 years ago from New York Author

Thanks Kathryn. So nice of you to come back and comment!


carter06 profile image

carter06 3 years ago from Cronulla NSW

Oh Till this really is beautiful..I love what you say about love making us feel differently "sometimes it creeps into our hearts and takes up residence" great thoughts and wonderful feel good hub, well done VUAB & shared..cheers

PS do you mind if I link it to one of mine 'Love, lust,passion,commitment What does love mean to you?


buddhaanalysis 3 years ago

Ever,have you observed that many persons fall in love with one person and can do anything to be there. Mostly such person is prettier,good looking or appealing.

That's why it is very confusing to find difference between love and attraction.

I have seen that good looking persons are claimed to be more loving to others.


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 3 years ago from New York Author

Thank you so much Carter. I would be honored to have my hub linked to yours but would only feel good about it if I can return the favor, which of course I will.

Buddhaanalysis, love is not linked to looks. It may seem that way sometimes but love is in your heart not your looks. Thanks so much for stopping by and leaving such an interesting comment.


Vinaya Ghimire profile image

Vinaya Ghimire 3 years ago from Nepal

I believe love is very abstract concept, and it is difficult to define exactly what is love. Nevertheless, since ages, the messiahs, philosophers, artists, surrealists, spiritualists have spoken about love.

I enjoyed reading your perspective on the thing called love.


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 3 years ago from New York Author

It certainly is a subject feeling, though as you said its been around for a very long time. Glad you enjoyed reading my hub.


FullOfLoveSites profile image

FullOfLoveSites 3 years ago from United States

Thanks for giving good points about being in love.

I think the other sign if you're in love? You can smile for many people but you cry for only one person. You don't care for what others think of you but what the person you love the most does. And yes, you are willing to make sacrifices for them and inspires you to change yourself for the better. Love, especially true love, really does change you overnight, and makes you feel or do something you've never imagined to do or feel before.

I enjoyed your hub. Voted up and awesome.


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 3 years ago from New York Author

Wow FullofLoveSites, your comment is a great addition to my hub. Thank you so much and for your votes too!


tsmog profile image

tsmog 3 years ago from Escondido, CA

This is what I have been seeking for awhile. Another view sharing the magnificence of love. I am sure there are others here at HP, yet I began here first. This hub portrays not as much of it being mystery, more so a mysticism of that power of love itself. I applaud this article and the writer. I share your view while also learning much too adding to knowledge and confirming present feelings too.

Thank You Mary . . .well received and a smile grows from ear to ear . .

tim


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 3 years ago from New York Author

How nice to make you smile. More importantly, how nice you began here first!! Yet, the best part for me is that you agree and share my views. "reality is better than your dreams" Thank you Tim, you've made my evening.


Eiddwen profile image

Eiddwen 3 years ago from Wales

A little late reading this one but still a great read. Thanks for sharing and I vote up plus share.

Eddy.


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 3 years ago from New York Author

No problem Eddy. I know how busy you are writing :) I am always happy to see you and appreciate your vote and share. Hope you have a great one.


Au fait profile image

Au fait 3 years ago from North Texas

Excellent photos. Clearly from the video, the answer to the question of what is love is not so easy to answer. This is a great hub to make people think.

To me, real love is when you care as much or more about another person and their welfare as you do about yourself and your own welfare. Welfare meaning health, safety, well being generally, physical needs like food and shelter being met, feelings considered, etc. Love is not selfish, inconsiderate, or thoughtless.

Voted up and BI!


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 3 years ago from New York Author

I agree with you Au fait...not selfish, inconsiderate or thoughtless...just the opposite...thanks so much for the wonderful comment and votes!


unknown spy profile image

unknown spy 3 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up.

well, Mary... I think im in love...and it was really love at first sight! i can't believe that i fell in love at first sight because i never believe it exists! :)


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 3 years ago from New York Author

Oh I know it exists Unknown, I've been married to him for 46 years! Congratulations and I wish you as much joy and longevity as I have and more.


DDE profile image

DDE 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

I am in love but happened way after my husband fell in love with me, love is such a wonderful experience.


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 3 years ago from New York Author

The main thing DDE, is you both love each other now! Wishing you much happiness.


Chuck Bluestein profile image

Chuck Bluestein 3 years ago from Morristown, AZ, USA

DDE says that love is such a wonderful experience. An experience is the same thing as a feeling. Anger and love are feelings. You either feel it or you do not. There are no rules to it. For example one can have 5 children and love them all.

I guess that the idea of being in love is 2 things. First you love the person, just like you love anyone else. That is the first part. The second part of being in love is wanting to have sex with them or something similar.

A guy who was born with no arms or legs recently got married. Someone can love 2 people and also want to have sex with both of them. In biblical times many people had more than one wife. There are some Mormons that live with many women and have sex with them and have many children. Although they know that the law limits them to marrying only one of them. But there is no law against living with 20 women and having sex with them.


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 3 years ago from New York Author

Chuck I think love is caring as much or more about that person than any other, and you are right, you either feel it or your don't. Thanks for reading.


epigramman profile image

epigramman 3 years ago

Well Mary , I am in love , I am in love with your fabulous hub presentations like this one which seems like a labor of love in itself.

And Valentine's day, I know can't be celebrated or remembered 'every day' of the year but we shouldn't need an excuse at any time to reach out and them someone that you love them ........and to be able to surprise them with a gift or a small gesture because love is the gift which keeps on giving - sending to you my warm sincere wishes from Colin and his cats on a raw cold March day by the lake with a chance of snow flurries at lake erie time 4:45pm


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 3 years ago from New York Author

You are always such a joy Epi! How right you are, "love is the gift which keeps on giving"...sending warmth right back to you and the cats though I suspect they will keep themselves warm no matter what. Snow is talked of here too, I think its time for spring! 10:52 a.m., Ulster County, NY.


midget38 profile image

midget38 3 years ago from Singapore

Great pointers, Mary......I think many are confused about whether they are in love or not because of the little squabbles and difficulties that are bound to come by. But despite all that and you still have feelings of intensity, you're definitely there! Great read, which I am sharing.


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 3 years ago from New York Author

Sometimes young people do pass love by because of the glorious pictures painted in movies or books, real life can be different. Thanks for the share Michelle!


suzettenaples profile image

suzettenaples 3 years ago from Taos, NM

What a thoughtful and insightful article! I really enjoyed reading this and especially your poll. I can't answer it because I have fallen in love three times in my life and each one was differently and each one was by the answers in your poll. I have experience love at first sight, not even liking the person when we met, and falling in love with a friend. Of the three, the last one is the best way, in my opinion. It creates the longest lasting love.


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 3 years ago from New York Author

I would imagine Suzette in most cases you are right...what better love than one between friends! Thank you for stopping by.


Brett.Tesol profile image

Brett.Tesol 3 years ago from Somewhere in Asia

Up and awesome. I love the way that you have defined this very tricky to pinpoint emotion. As you say, many mistake other things for this ... until they experience the real thing.

shared, pinned, and tweeted.


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 3 years ago from New York Author

Thank you so much for the shares Brett. Sometimes it takes a while for us to realize just what love is!


Pavlo Badovskyy profile image

Pavlo Badovskyy 3 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine

Love it (I mean the HUB-)) . Great job. Shared!


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 3 years ago from New York Author

Thank you Pavlo so glad you enjoyed, I mean the Hub ;) I appreciate the share.

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